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A few thousand years back i had a territory dispute with another wizard. He had the title to this sweet magic planet and i wanted it. So anyway i poisoned his mom and while he was grieving i cast a mana storm on the whole anet and it shredded everything alive so i could roll on in and start making magic smoothies
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Dec 28, 2016 17:56
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Lifehack: use mind slaves to read/transcribe from those tomes then kill em when they go nuts.
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Dec 28, 2016 18:46
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im a wizard not an english teacher but im pretty sure it doesnt matter what u call a bad wizard
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Dec 28, 2016 18:53
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Mike in payroll refused to authorize my overtime so i cast a spell and gave him gender dysphoria
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Dec 29, 2016 07:53
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Does anyone have experience in binding ghouls? I need a ghoul specialist badly. Guild membership preferred
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Dec 29, 2016 18:02
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Colonel Cancer posted:What is a good source of free range organic fair trade skeletons? Emphasis on "Good" because if I get another shady deal, I'll end up one of you loser evil wizards. I'm getting out of the necromancy game and i have a mostly full bone cellar from disenchanted skelleton warriors. I was going to burn it but ill sell them
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Jan 1, 2017 05:37
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The problem with reality bending is there is associated time dilation you have to counteract with spells. A large space occupying a small space causes time to speed up rapidly inside it relative to the rest of the world. Its easy enough to create the space but its rather difficult to not emerge from it after the heat death of the universe. Spells concerning time are where yiu get into major trouble
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Jan 3, 2017 00:03
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I hate skeletons. Ive noticed they have something like memory in their bones. I used to harvest the flesh for reagents, boil and reanimate the bones of fallen intruders. Now i just make bone dust. Like, last week was the last straw. I went to check on my gold hoard and my skeleton servitors were just standing, staring at the gold and touching their pelvises. These loving skeletons were remembering having sex on wizard gold when they were alive. Their bone memories are creepy. I could understand recognizing a sword or a trinket from a loved one but id say 75% of all adventurer skeletons just get horny at the sight of a gold hoard. gently caress skeletons and their bone memory. Riot Bimbo fucked around with this message at 05:56 on Jan 3, 2017 |
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Jan 3, 2017 05:28
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Heres a good chance to cover your tracks. Expose the would-be necromancer and issue a cure for the malaise. The townsfolk will honor you and invest less time in writing pain in the rear end letters to you. Send the wasps to the necromancer for stepping outta line in your territory
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Jan 4, 2017 19:34
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I know we're evil but personally i do what i can to keep the local townsfolk happy or at least placated. Yeah some one goes missing a few times a year. Errant adventurers sometimes wander into the local tavern and have a few too many and end up in my keep, and they are used nefariously but mostly i keep my experiments focused on other towns. Sure it means i travel a lot but i find that hostile locals from being flamboyantly evil are a bigger pain than just keeping a reasonably low profile and doing my dastardly deeds elsewhere. This also lets me feel out for weaker wizards to pounce on. I have a few wizards ive made onto thralls. I usually sell their property, confiscate reactive materials and reagents, abd put them up in a thrall dungeon where they toil and make reagents. Its a good system
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Jan 4, 2017 19:50
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Moving castles kust make me forget why i fit into wizarding- its about the people. It always has been
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Jan 4, 2017 20:20
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key party favors posted:sounds like a nerd-rear end merlin thing to say to me.... Some of us turned evil in the pursuit of reviving dead loved ones please dont kinkshame
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Jan 4, 2017 21:27
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A wizard should know better than to fall down a slippery slope argument. Ask this lawful good paladin thats hanging from a meathook in my office if im thinking about going good.
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Jan 8, 2017 04:58
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i dont know why you keep saying that i've broken the laws no less than six times, as has been convenient for me.
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Feb 10, 2017 19:28
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neutral evil is the evil for me.
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Feb 10, 2017 20:12
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its just a means to an end dude. ask yourself where you want to be in this world and what kind of magics can get you there. Just go for it, but make sure you know if your path has any pitfalls of madness within. I tend to avoid the stuff that's got a high risk of corruption personally
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Feb 10, 2017 20:47
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what about evil sith wizards? I've been hunting the sith tombs on dromund kaas for the key to immortality and i've slowly been going insane and i see tomb horrors in my nightmares
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Feb 10, 2017 23:15
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you've really gotta be careful with those outworlders. I was born into a steampunk realm where some rear end in a top hat who lived in a trailer crash landed in our world and was recruited by some excentric dickbag in a baloon and before I could do anything he's assembled the Staff Of Oblivion and killed my sister Hecubah. All of a sudden I'm being hunted and I have to exit into a medieval-world and my quality of life went backwards by a lot.
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Feb 11, 2017 04:10
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VendaGoat posted:Quit lying assfuck. oh yeah motherfucker? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbVm86e_aic
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Feb 11, 2017 04:38
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nox is better than diablo 2
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Feb 11, 2017 04:52
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I cant do this anymore. Im going white. Legit. Good guy. Just burned the last of my tomes. Some paladins are coming by tomorrow and raising a massive h holy shield as i violate every pact ive ever made with any demon. Lol they wont be able to do poo poo. Anyway i start teaching at merlin academy next week peace be unto you brothers may you find redemption in the light:)
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Apr 15, 2017 04:48
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Well the teaching gig has been going well, at least mostly. I had a troublesome student and i reflexively enthralled him. I need to reverse it before there's permanent damage to his brain, on the other hand i could use him to motivate other students...
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Apr 25, 2017 20:55
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Goa Tse-tung posted:I don't get it, all students enrolling in the dark arts sign waivers. You're not teaching at a good college, right? i'm not teaching dark arts, that's the thing. I'm teaching intro to wizardry at Mirkwood Uni and these loving undergrads are grating on my mind. I've blown out the minds of half a dozen students in anger. Being mindless thralls now I've just been sending them to an old ruin I hold the deed on. I send em by nightfall and they'll be gathering and making basic reagents under cover of dark in an area around the ruin until their flesh begins to decay. On the upside i basically am able to fully supply all the reagents i need for my remaining students, which is good since Mirkwood's basic wizarding supply list is poo poo.
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May 14, 2017 01:07
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I've been in hiding. How do i lose the heat from slaughtering an entire light side college including high paladin inquisitor Movrain? I have no idea how, but they have a blood sample so they can reliably track me now. Ive been moving every 36 hours but frankly im running out of hiding spots. I cant return to my lair as there are too many critical items not least of which are the phylacteries of several wizards....
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Aug 23, 2017 06:42
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Skypie posted:Goddamn, here we are talking about keeping the Laws and in strolls someone who wiped out not just a college but managed to ice the manifestation of virtue and justice in the Fourth Mortal Realm. Movrain didn't like me from the start and he essentially hosed up badly because he was a showman first and a paladin second. He discovered i had enthralled some students as reagent producing slaves under the guise of apprenticeship and was in the process of a public call out. The idiot. He Threw down his hammer at my feet in dramatic fashion and made his accusation. Sensing i was caught and hosed, i cursed the hammer, picked it up, and shattered it. The explosion killed basically everything. If he hadnt been such a flamboyant showman i would probably be in a magi prison
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Aug 23, 2017 07:33
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Demonic pacts and bargains of any sort are a bit moronic. Tricking and binding several lesser and minor demons can get you enough power to match a potentially dangerous eldritch bargain.
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Aug 24, 2017 18:39
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Skeletons are good but i am discovering the hidden joy of golems since I've been on the run
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Aug 24, 2017 22:29
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I think some creep in the minor city Elkenheim is using the town to breed some kind of eldritch or planar swarm creature. He is likely some kind of infected host. Passing through the sewers i found several infected human corpses. I had to cast extremely revealing shield magic and perform a flesh purge. Some small creatures actually were already in my body as of the purge and i am having to do regular purges to ensure every last one is removed. You all know how lovely this crap is. I try to live and let live, but someone needs to obliterate that place as whoever controls the swarm has no respect for fellow dark wizards and if that town is incubating a large swarm, this plane is hosed when it hatches or matures. When those paladins go traipsing through there they're gonna carry it to major cities and i don't think it will be containable at that juncture.
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Aug 25, 2017 07:48
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Sorcerers lol. Memorize two basic spells and call it a day 
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Aug 30, 2017 22:59
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The nice thing about magic missiles is i can cast them while flipping you off and turning my back to not even watch you fry because thats how beneath me a drat socerer is 
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Aug 30, 2017 23:07
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I'm not too familiar with local courts, but some court jackass pissed me off, so i put a curse in a simple runeword trap. Problem is, he was cooking dinner for the local lord when it went off. It was a quiet activation, blink and you miss it, but it gives the afflicted stinky cum, stinky balls, and stinky pussy if it's a lady. the kind of stank that stanks through clothing and hangs in the air. nothing subtle about it. well everyone who ate food he prepared has been afflicted. the curse has attached itself to his cooking utensils, and he's basically typhoid marry. Word is, nobody can enter the castle without gagging and puking The king is due for a royal visit in a few days and i'm looking forward to seeing that play out
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Sep 14, 2017 23:20
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My time with the light side gave me exposure to a lot of healing-type spells, written out, and tomes on the conceptual side of how they're constructed. The result is, I've developed shadow-energy based spells that restore necrotic tissue. Basically, I can heal the undead. In fact, I think i'll be able to magically restore flesh to a skeleton. Selectively restroring ligament, tendons, and other tissue will handily augment undead armies. Not funny, just cool i guess. Army maintenance has been the biggest pain in the rear end of being evil.
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Sep 21, 2017 03:42
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The augmented fourth is essential. bard isn't really a path to "goodness", in fact I have a team of dissonant bards who more or less travel sewing misinformation, or using their ability to draw a crowd for the purposes of causing magical amnesia in towns i have afflicted with evil things.
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Sep 21, 2017 08:07
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Jewish wizards put some of the earliest research into Golem and servitor construction. Their alignment varies from person to person so isn't really suited to this thread.
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Sep 23, 2017 22:37
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Oh man, the day of wizard school where we summoned our familliars for the first time, i drank a luck potion before the summons. Unfortunately, my good luck in this matter (got a black drake) came at a huge cost to every one else. We're talking at least six people with earthworm familliars. One kid got a stinkbug lmfao
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Oct 16, 2017 08:46
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Speleothing posted:Thing about good wizards is that without binding the spirits of the ancient scholars or learning from demons, it takes forever to master the really good spells. And then they just die of old age like chumps! Not necessarily. I do my best to avoid them, but the Righteous Council is 100% wizard, and, so far as I can tell, undying. So long as they have the favor of the God Of Light, anyway. Their mind and flesh is seemingly as capable as it was on their day of ascension. The only way to even make them mortal is by corrupting them, and lord knows darker liches than I have tried to.
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Oct 17, 2017 08:23
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That's called a soul fragment and you need to fuse with it. Having it wander around, even as a part of your collection of skeletons, is super dangerous. It's uncomfortable and disorienting and you're gonna have long memories of more or less existing in pain underground, but you need to do it.
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Oct 17, 2017 16:59
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I ganked a benevolent techno wizard trying to reintrodice light magic to earth realm through enchanted viral code. His death was swift and anyway ive corrupted his computer but im not an electrician. Any tips on abducting people who can wire up a medieval wight dungeon?
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Feb 2, 2018 01:57
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Over-reliance on enchantment, corruption and soft power and then getting gamed on the battlefield because you didn't account for the fact a sword in the hand of a hero might cut your loving hand off. Sauron is a lesson in waste and what not to do. Morgoth is a bitch and his agents are a joke. I pity anyone evil having to deal with Illuvatar's realms though
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Feb 12, 2018 02:30
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I see it more as a defect stemming from his inability to fundamentally create. who loving here hasn't created their own life? you are some sorceror rear end poser if you can't even animate custom life
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Feb 12, 2018 22:46
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