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I'm a neutral wizard with no sense of right or wrong. Can I hang here?
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Dec 29, 2016 08:10
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Johnny Aztec posted:Can I borrow your shotgun? I don't really care!
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Dec 29, 2016 08:12
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Hello, it's me, the neutral wizard with no sense or right or wrong again. Anyone know the best way to use a town of people driven mad by seeing behind the veil? It seems like such a waste to just burn them to ashes and my mortal servant roster is pretty empty, but these buffoons keep trying to eat their own fingers.
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Dec 29, 2016 18:20
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drat horror queefs posted:Strip off their useless meat and make some skeletons. You can never EVER have enough skeletons plus the mass of rotting human flesh can be bound together with a simple blood golem spell. Blood! That's it! I know exactly what to do!  Giddy-up
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Dec 29, 2016 18:42
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scuba school sucks posted:I normally don't post on E/N but I'm really in a crisis right now, I just feel directionless and I don't know what to do with my life. Analysis paralysis I guess you'd call it? On one hand you got your lichdom, you could go for vampirism, but on the other hand there's also the whole selling your soul thing. Even if I sell my soul there's just so many choices, you know? I mean, devil lords, demon princes, eldritch horrors from beyond the rim of the universe, they're all going to offer different dark boons. On one hand if I go the devil or demon route there's the whole eternity of torment thing but the eldritch horror causes a lifetime of insanity more often then not. I can dabble in a little necromancy here and a little thaumaturgy there but I'm really starting to get the idea that I have to buckle down and pick one route to ultimate power and stick with it. I went to a therapist and he suggested a book on mindfulness, well, I gave that a try but it just sounded like a bunch of pseudoreligious gobbledegook to me, when I told him that he said that I should Frankenstein up an Ubermench and then swap my soul into it. I don't want to be resistant to therapy but I just, I don't know, I'm not completely happy with the body I've got but I've been dragging around this carcass for thirty eight years, I kinda want to stick with it for at least the next millenium. Whatever I do, I need to make a decision soon, I'm not getting any younger or more evil. Help me out E/N, please. (Or I'll murder your families and put a blight on your crops.) Now if you're some kind of hero or paladin or something don't even bother responding, maybe that "repent my sins and pray to Deus to forgive my crimes against the natural order" crap works for some people but that's not me. I recommend bathing in the blood of virgins. Every bloodbath only takes about a month of preparation and 10 virgins of blood, and each will set your body's aging back a couple of years. Also it's quite relaxing, I recommend throwing in a lavender bath bomb too.
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Dec 29, 2016 21:12
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Do any of you know how to get rid of a unending hunger curse? I was doing it with a hot witch and I refused to go down on her, so she cursed me and now there's a risk that I'm going to transform myself into a star eating eldritch horror just to sate my hunger. Witches, am I right?
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Jan 6, 2017 07:26
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I'm casting necromancy on this thread.
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Feb 6, 2017 01:01
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Hobelhouse posted:Yeah that's why I switched out of Eldritch Geometry, I was starting to hear voices every time I saw a right angle. Bad news. I have a lot of friends who are dark artificers or necromancer, and in my experience the dark artificers make more money on average, but no dark artificer is ever going to be as famous as or reach the untold heights of power of the most famous necromancers. On the other hand, being a necromancer is a lot riskier; there are more paladins that go around killing necromancers than dark artificers. In the end, it depends on whether you prefer above average reward at low risk, or massive potential reward at high risk.
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Feb 10, 2017 21:17
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Blurry Gray Thing posted:Sauron, maybe. I don't think a multi-talented Renaissance wizard like that can be nailed down to a single vocation, though. I mean, he spent a long time going by just "The Necromancer". Nobody who wasn't a full up, bonafide necromancer (with huge balls) could pull off something like that. Yeah, don't get me wrong, artificing in general (not just dark artificing) is a great addition to your arsenal. But if it's your bread and butter, don't expect to transmogrify that into a five course meal. Now enchanting, on the other hand, is a highly related field that's pushed out some great ones. Morgan le Fay! Jafar! The hero of Kvatch before becoming Sheogorath!
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Feb 10, 2017 23:48
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naem posted:They say money is the root of all evil but I've seen money turn a LOT of evil guys neutral in my day I think he's cackling because his gelatinous cubes are eating your gold and artifact supply.
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Feb 11, 2017 00:02
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I personally contract out to ghost lawyers. They tend to be more transparent.
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Feb 22, 2017 22:47
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Instead of driving, I like to take shortcuts through Hell. The spacial topology is somehow both infinite and super condensed compared to ours, so stepping in, walking a few feet, and stepping out has been a great replacement for teleportation ever since the Teleportation Restriction Act of 1387. Stupid Lawful Evil wizards, just because teleportation overuse risks undoing the very fabric of space-time doesn't mean we shouldn't use it! We're evil! Aren't half of us trying to unleash an eldritch horror that will do that anyway? Ugh. The only downside to walking through Hell are needing to kill 6 billion demons every time I do. I mostly use charm spells to get them to fight one another at this point.
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Feb 23, 2017 16:27
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Automatic Slim posted:Do you know what eldritch horror does to property values? And we're back to the argument about becoming Lawful Neutral hedge fund wizards, again.
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Feb 23, 2017 17:26
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Rutibex posted:you have to be careful with exponential skeleton growth. if you get to many together in one area they can spontaneously form into a sentient crypt golem, and then you have some problems I'm laughing evily at anyone who doesn't keep their skeletons on a strictly programmatic behavior. Posted from my skeleton computer.
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Mar 2, 2017 00:21
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Not as bad as those loving muscle wizards who cast with their STR. Those guys are minmaxing bastards!
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Mar 2, 2017 06:06
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nomadologique posted:i've had to start preemptively disenchanting all the plants in my kitchen a couple times a day just to make sure they're not vengeful ex girlfriend dryads. Why go through all that effort? Just turn all plant life into wasted husks around your lair, then raise the corpses. I love being a necrodruid!
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Mar 18, 2017 22:29
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I Said No posted:are sorcerers allowed here How evil are ya?
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Mar 18, 2017 22:41
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One of the key tenants of evil wizardhood is that all people are capable of evil. Not immediately, in most cases, but if you ease them into it one act at a time it's very trivial (though not easy) to make even the most hardcore paladin fall. A life taken here, a lie told there, all in the name of the "greater good" is a great way to get rid of good.
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Mar 21, 2017 21:07
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Hippity Hoppity posted:Hey guys evil underling for hire if anyones interested (Note: I DON'T accept experimenting on myself) What's even the point then?
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Mar 23, 2017 16:39
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I Said No posted:has anyone tried enchanting assault rifle ammunition with golem animation? it's like you're just firing a stream of tiny bullet shaped golems at them, its loving hilarious What are you, an Ammomancer?
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Mar 24, 2017 02:34
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Has anyone here had success with circumventing holy mind control? I’ve been recently captured by a team of crusaders and I made a deal for my life and freedom if I underwent a ritual to their god. Of course I don’t plan on actually repenting but I’ve seen evil acquaintances go through the same ordeal, with no doubt the same mindset, and still come out reformed as a ‘hero’. I need some way to resist it, or at least reset myself after the fact. The later might even be better, as it’ll make it easier to betray them. Any ideas?
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Feb 19, 2018 17:30
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phasmid posted:I'm still learning this stuff. I'm only ninety years old (I just look twenty-seven because I drink unicorn blood - least I was told it was unicorn blood). Unicorn blood is so 1800s, way too many side effects for a modern evil wizard. Luckily for you, I happen to have some spare captured adventurers to transfer consciousness into; basically removes all problems related to the crap you've put in your body, and gives you the ability to go toe-to-toe with other adventurers. Plus you can transfer the adventurer back into your body and watch them pull their hair out trying to convince their ex-friends they're not evil, haha.
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Apr 30, 2018 17:11
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phasmid posted:Last time I put my body in to an adventurer, I didn't sedate my original enough. He woke up and as far as I know is still living in my old crumbling keep. I tried reasoning with my guards (forced to slay, wasn't very good at raising strong servants back then) but the wards I had put up were woven so intricately that I'd need a cheat guide to get around them - the cheat guide that was still in the keep. I trudged off through the swamp with a barbarian in my old body laughing at me. He probably won't be able to get out or go in to the basement, but the wine cellar's full of unicorn blood so he's most likely just going to keep the place. Sounds like poor planning on your part. Are you sure being an evil wizard is the right path for you? You might do better as an evil cult leader; even if you plan poorly, generally speaking you can still summon unspeakable evils. Granted you might die in the process, or have your soul ripped asunder by Those Soulless Things, but hey, that's what you get for having a low intelligence score.
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Apr 30, 2018 17:35
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Blaziken386 posted:Just read through the whole thread, and I'm loving it. Lots of good advice here guys, kudos. Was hoping someone could help me with a problem I seem to be having ATM? Eldritch...deity? ...contract? Giving a poo poo about your soul except to rip it apart? You aren’t dealing with anything eldritch my friend, sounds instead like Satan hit you with the ol’ pretending to be a false god trick. Just call him out when he comes to collect and he’s obligated to give you the opportunity to gamble to get out the contract. Good luck winning.
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May 3, 2018 00:44
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He almost tricked you into becoming a demon, too! That Satan! What a card.
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May 3, 2018 00:45
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