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I'm a chaotic evil wizard and this thread is something lawful.
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Dec 28, 2016 17:16
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Any evil bards here?
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Dec 29, 2016 03:44
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Is it OK to have load bearing columns of bones in your evil lair? I'm not a necromancer so I can't exactly ask all the skeletons whether they drank milk or had osteoporosis and poo poo
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Dec 30, 2016 05:01
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What is a good source of free range organic fair trade skeletons? Emphasis on "Good" because if I get another shady deal, I'll end up one of you loser evil wizards. Love, Good necromancer.
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Jan 1, 2017 01:32
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Mnoba posted:i'm an evil capitalist cabalist So, you are a politician?
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Jan 1, 2017 02:03
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Remember that lovely song? With a very catchy but somehow annoying chorus? Thank your local evil bard.
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Feb 11, 2017 07:41
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So I've made up my phylactery - ripped out orphan hearts, tears of angels, those pointy lego pieces, you know the whole jazz - and now I can't help it but wonder... If my undead body is slain, is it truly me that will rise up? If I die on the sword of some do-gooder paladin, another lich just like me will return to terrify the living but it won't be me.
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Feb 21, 2017 00:12
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mycomancy posted:Well, if you do nothing, then when you do meet your end you'll be nothing, just a memory in the minds of your enemies until they die. Better take the chance with the lich route than the guarantee of oblivion. You know, this is why I banned Conjuration. Teleportation always seemed too good to be true... Sure, you get to disappear in a flash of light but what makes you think it's still "you" on the other end?! I mean, it's OK if you're just summoning endless hordes of fiendish rats or an occasional angel or two, this is why we're evil, right? But doing it to yourself is simply unnatural.
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Feb 21, 2017 04:33
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Don't trust a demon lawyer. Contact a devil for all your legal needs, today.
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Feb 22, 2017 22:30
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:Open google webpage. Type "pornography" into search bar. Your welcome. My Palantir doesn't have that setting, you fool. I only use open-source scrying orbs...
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Feb 24, 2017 05:17
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Why settle for a boring ol' stone or bone golem when you can have a golem golem? It can fit through (some) vents, it's fully modular, and it will warm your long dead heart or equivalent when you scry upon some fool smashing your golem into pieces just to get assaulted by multiple minigolems!
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Apr 29, 2018 20:41
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phasmid posted:Excuse me, skulls are the reason I went in to wizardry. Actually the big man on the skull throne, possibly the biggest authority on skulls, is very much not fond of wizards and wizardry 
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Apr 30, 2018 16:56
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"enjoy being a lich"? Buddy if I wanted to feel positive emotions I wouldn't be a lich!
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Apr 30, 2018 17:21
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phasmid posted:Last time I put my body in to an adventurer, I didn't sedate my original enough. He woke up and as far as I know is still living in my old crumbling keep. I tried reasoning with my guards (forced to slay, wasn't very good at raising strong servants back then) but the wards I had put up were woven so intricately that I'd need a cheat guide to get around them - the cheat guide that was still in the keep. I trudged off through the swamp with a barbarian in my old body laughing at me. He probably won't be able to get out or go in to the basement, but the wine cellar's full of unicorn blood so he's most likely just going to keep the place. Have you considered mustering together a group of foolhardy adventurers to slay the evil wizard in the crumbling castle? I mean you need someone to "disable" the traps at the very least. Just don't get too attached, you'll need to kill/sacrifice/bodyjack the survivors in the end.
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Apr 30, 2018 18:17
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There is nothing chaotic about Evil Wizardry. You must follow The Laws.
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Apr 30, 2018 18:37
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Speaking of unicorns, has anyone ever heard of a rare two-horned forest unicorn? I assume it's something a bored wizard made up, just like an owlbear or something. I found the blasted beast in my personal garden, just gnawing on rare herbs, the filthy animal.
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Apr 30, 2018 18:47
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Just get a scrying orb, my wiz.
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Apr 30, 2018 20:47
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If you're going through all the trouble, why not just bleed the virgin and take a bath? While it will not bestow immortality, most virgins' blood has high fat content and will have a great moisturizing effect upon your parchment-like wrinkled wizard skin. Watch those years drop off with this one simple trick!phasmid posted:Are you sure? I read a bunch of books on this and that doesn't seem right. What about the other guys in the thread who say it's kosher? Kosher or whatever our equivalent is? I hear unicorn meat tastes good, especially veal.
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Apr 30, 2018 22:14
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CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:Ooh, that's a good point! (Unless you've made a gently caress Golem and are using it to prepare food, obviously.) We don't speak of gently caress Golems around these parts Especially not in the context of food preparation.
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Apr 30, 2018 22:36
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For the past several decades - if not centuries! - I've been finding that the usual wizardry just doesn't do it for me anymore. Cackling at foolish heroes, summoning their doom, binding demons just feels like something I have to do instead of something I want to do, you know? I think I'm having a meatlife crisis. I've been trying to reimagine myself, become a cool new ghost on the block if you know what I mean, but none of my dark tomes of rituals hold an answer. Is swooping through ruins at night, jangling chains all there is to being a ghost? How does one preserve their sanity and considerable spellcasting prowess while shedding their mortal flesh? I've seen and bound a few ghosts in my day, and all of them were two bit idiots who just couldn't get over being killed or something. Heck most of them couldn't even leave their house! Is there a better way to achieve ectoplasmic fitness without becoming a mopey flying bedsheet?
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May 1, 2018 20:44
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Neville?
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May 3, 2018 09:32
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Bludgeoned to death, how skeleton. A zombie would have just shrugged it off and kept going 
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May 29, 2018 21:24
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