thread for evil wizards

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mycomancy: Oct 16, 2016

Mad Hamish posted:

Question for all you wizards out there, when it comes to the decor for my mountaintop wizard tower, what should I pick for my lamps? I'm trying to decide between skulls with nightmarish green flames of fire that burns but does not consume in the open mouths and eye sockets, or mysterious crystals with an eldritch blue glow.

Thoughts?

I'd go with the blue crystals. OSHA inspectors get their tits in a twist about open flame, even if it's the arcane kind.

# ¿ Dec 30, 2016 23:05

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# ¿ May 3, 2024 09:09

mycomancy: Oct 16, 2016

FirstPersonShitter posted:

ive been working on a sick spell where it burns people with creepy green flames and instead of just regular burning them it makes their flesh rot off.

the problem ive been having with it is i can't get the flames green

right now they're a crappy yellow and the last hero to burst into my lair called me 'johnny pissflames' as his face turned into slime

johnny isnt even my name

I wish I could turn whole posts into avatars, because this post would be that.

# ¿ Dec 31, 2016 23:47

mycomancy: Oct 16, 2016

Random Axis posted:

Sure are a bunch of beta-wizards getting their robes bunched up about Occult Safety & Health inspectors or Infernal Revenue agents ITT.

Sounds like someone who hasn't been audited by OHS or the IRS yet. When those guys wearing robes glowing with anti-light and embroidered with the dying cries of orphaned children (I mean seriously, talk about hamming it up!) come sniffing around, asking questions and wanting to look at your skull lighting systems, your gold and reagent caches, and your library, you REALLY need to let them do their thing. I was sarcastic to one Agent one time, and now all I get to do is play with mushrooms, molds, and spores.

My fried morels are loving fantastic though. So I got that going for me, which is nice.

# ¿ Jan 4, 2017 05:53

mycomancy: Oct 16, 2016

key party favors posted:

I told you, I NEED the Dark Codex to create Runes of Transcendental Bile, to help maintain my nightmare portal.... which will totally be done in like less than 30 moon phases... besides, my library is way more handsome than yours, and I think the codex would be happier with all my other tomes, librams, and bone shelves made out of sad elves... I'm keeping The codex!

DARK WIIIIIIZARD FIIIIIIIIGHT!

# ¿ Jan 6, 2017 05:53

mycomancy: Oct 16, 2016

Blurry Gray Thing posted:

Bit late, but, no, no, don't do this.

That's how it starts. First you're taking out other evil wizards for "invading your turf", then you're giving out cures. Even if you try to keep it spooky all the while, one day you wake up and, bam. You're part of the 'Hero clique'. And you think about maybe just going back to your roots and boiling their skin off, but you're just not really feeling it, and, anyway, you're sort of dating the sort-of-gothy b-string hero's friend now.

I've seen it too many times.

If you have a territory dispute with another wizard, you handle it face to face, you don't get the authorities involved. Once they get you with that "enemy of my enemy/we must work together against this new evil" crap, you're on the hook for good.

Good deeds:evil wizards::opioids:trailer trash

# ¿ Jan 7, 2017 14:33

mycomancy: Oct 16, 2016

Colonel Cancer posted:

So I've made up my phylactery - ripped out orphan hearts, tears of angels, those pointy lego pieces, you know the whole jazz - and now I can't help it but wonder... If my undead body is slain, is it truly me that will rise up? If I die on the sword of some do-gooder paladin, another lich just like me will return to terrify the living but it won't be me.

Well, if you do nothing, then when you do meet your end you'll be nothing, just a memory in the minds of your enemies until they die. Better take the chance with the lich route than the guarantee of oblivion.

TL;DR: live forever or die trying.

# ¿ Feb 21, 2017 03:20

mycomancy: Oct 16, 2016

CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:

How is that not like an erect wiener?

Look at this wizard who doesn't believe in Souls. What a Melf, amirite?

Of course you have a soul. It's what's dragged screaming to a hell plane when your wheeling and dealing with devils for infernal power catches up with you. Which it never should, if you're halfway competent and Keep The Laws.

I mean, doy.

Bah, that's the whole point of selling a soul to some idiot demon, they give you things for taking something from you that doesn't exist! Now if you'll excuse me I have to answer the door, I'm expecting a delivery of amniotic fluid for some potion work.

# ¿ Feb 21, 2017 04:02