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Sorry about the dread dust, it's my fault. I got attacked by my former apprentice and was woefully unprepared. I had to banish him to a random dimension, and upon checking it looks like he landed right in your dread dust patch. If you want I could teleport this paladin who's been causing me trouble to take care of him.
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Jan 4, 2017 21:17
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the pizza police posted:oh yeah that's gonna help The whole thing took care of itself as it turns out. My ex-apprentice was using the dread dust to summon a corrupting horror beast to send after me. But unfortunately for him he sent it here right as the paladin was attacking me. The paladin assumed that I summoned it and killed it, but not before getting infected by my ex-apprentices dark corruption spell which he'd cast on the beasts claws. Here's where it gets great, my ex-apprentice didn't change the spell from what I had taught him, so I was able to immediately inflame the corruption, before the paladin could cleanse it, turning him into my Blackguard slave. My idiot ex-apprentice stepped through his portal and instead of seeing me dead (as if a simple horror beast could kill me), got an unholy sword to the face. So my ex-apprentice is dead, I have a new Blackguard, and I kicked the horror beast back through the portal into your dread dust patch. Once that thing composts you'll get like 10x the yields from it guaranteed.
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Jan 4, 2017 22:25
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Anyone know how to purge the last remaining goodness from a Blackguard you corrupted from a paladin? And before anyone asks, yes I had him murder his family, I am not an amateur.
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Jan 5, 2017 20:54
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CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:They've got to do something super bad more personably meaningful than killing their family, obviously, and have to do it on their own. My specialty has usually been necromancy with a little transdimensional summoning added in, so corrupting paladins isn't my usual 'thing.' But this gave me an idea. Apparently his paladin order didn't know he'd been turned. So I sent him back to them with a story about how I'd captured and tortured hm and killed his family. And they bought it! God paladins are so stupid. Apparently they think he killed me, and took my unholy amulet. If I'm lucky he'll be able to do some real damage.
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Jan 5, 2017 21:45
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I'm still not sure this is going to work honestly. I'm watching on my scrying orb and they are taking him to see a Mother Justicia, who I guess is the head of their order and HOLY poo poo, my Blackguard just murdered mother Justicia and spilled her guts all over the alter in the sanctuary of the cathedral of light. Oh gently caress there are paladins all over. Goddammit they killed him. Well now I'm short one blackguard. I'd have to break into their crypt now to get him back. Wait, they are putting his defiled corpse in the crypt behind the sanctuary he just desecrated. Paladins are so loving stupid.
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Jan 6, 2017 01:08
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CAPT. Rainbowbeard posted:Well, an undead blackguard has certain benefits. All sorts of disease and poison applications, and regeneration should be hardly a problem. Oh you better believe I was ready for this. I am after all a necromancer. Those idiots didn't even send a patrol to the crypts. Their magical protection was so hosed up by the desecration I just teleported in. So not only did I get my undead blackguard, but I animated every loving corpse in that crypt, all of them heavily armed. One minute they are trying to consecrate their altar again, the next they are dying to a swarm of skeletons. So now I am a bit conflicted. I mean I got my undead blackguard, but my old digs are pretty lovely. We're talking one of those old towers that's just a staircase with a couple of rooms at the top. This cathedral would make a great reliquary of darkness, but the upkeep would have to be a nightmare, and that isn't even counting the fact that I'll definitely get paladins coming along trying to 'liberate this once holy sanctum.' On the other hand, this place has a crypt and an undercrypt, and you know how hard undercrypts are to find these days.
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Jan 6, 2017 01:49
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key party favors posted:That's it. and this goes to everyone in this thread...my library is off limits! Consider all of my tomes hexed. That goes double for you Rainbowbeard The Malevolent, Champion of the isles of Forgotten Hate, Whisperer of The 8 Illegal Phrases, Friend to False Dreams Of Bezos! I know your number, Buddy... don't think I don't know your other names too! And don't think I haven't conjured an Argus Panoptes to keep an eye on my shelves from now on...so don't get any wise ideas. I'm looking at you Naem of The 13 Lies Whispered By The Lament Of The Betrayed Wind! and Sweet Geek Swag, of The Soiled Robes Of The Twin Halls of Entropy! I've told all of my Blue Skeletons (that's right, the blue ones, not the regular bone colored ones) to attack any trespassing wizard on sight! No one is impressed that you remember the titles we got from our dark wizard frat key party favors. Also I wouldn't break into your library if you would return the dark codex I loaned you when I asked you to.
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Jan 6, 2017 04:30
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key party favors posted:I told you, I NEED the Dark Codex to create Runes of Transcendental Bile, to help maintain my nightmare portal.... which will totally be done in like less than 30 moon phases... besides, my library is way more handsome than yours, and I think the codex would be happier with all my other tomes, librams, and bone shelves made out of sad elves... I'm keeping The codex! Dude, you knew I needed it back to summon a Darkmoon vampire by the last new moon when I loaned it to you. Luckily for you these paladins had like six of them in their 'forbidden library' down here in the undercrypts otherwise my undead army would be knocking on your door. Speaking of which it is going to take ages to inventory all the dark equipment these guys had. They had an eldritch abomination here sealed behind holy force fields. I know what you're thinking, yes they should have used transdimensional force fields. They were like a decade out from this little guy burrowing into the dark realms below and ushering in a new age of madness and terror. Paladins think holy power is the answer to everything. I swear I saw one try to use holy power on a tardy school kid once. So I'm thinking that before the paladins took over there was some sort of doomsday cult here. I'm thinking of secretly starting it back up, using the cathedral as a cover. Then I'll convert this undercrypt into a lab space, and I'll finally be able to turn that old lab in my tower into my gameday room. Get a big TV, a nice couch just I'm time for the playoffs.
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Jan 6, 2017 23:07
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So a quick update on my cult. We're doing great! I managed to make a couple of alliances tht have really helped me out. First I convinced a fallen angel to join as the focus of worship. He killed an annoying mortal and all of a sudden he's kicked out of heaven. He doesn't want to go be a demon in Hell (who would honestly, as a necromancer I prefer the chill of a nice tomb). So this worked out perfectly for both of us. A devil named Baalthshebel has agreed to some magical exchanges as well. I send him sacrifices occasionally, and he gives me artifacts and powerful spells. Which is how I got my scroll of Immortal Undeath. Yes I am finally getting to begin my transformation to an immortal Lich Lord! I am quite excited. One other alliance has presented itself, but I am hesitant to take it. My town is home to a mad scientist! He has no interest in dominating anything, just perfecting his killbots. His presence is obviously very dangerous. But making him an enemy could attract unwanted attention. He wants to study my magic to see how it works "scientifically." This is obviously not acceptable. How should I deal with this?
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Feb 10, 2017 23:22
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Curl_like_smoke posted:Hey thread, I hope you guys don't mind a noobie question. I'm just a regular evil guy but I'm thinking about taking a couple levels of evil wizard. I'm a human so hopefully that won't be a problem! My question is what edition of the Player's Handbook would be best for an evil wizard just starting out? TIA. Edition? Players Handbook? What in the Nine Hell's are you talking about? I think we got ourselves a paladin here guys.
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Feb 11, 2017 01:41
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I remember once I had a barbarian try to kill me. When he penetrated my army of skeletons and faced me in the flesh he promised to end my evil reign. So I congratulated him on passing my test, and gave him a giant two handed sword. And the idiot took it! Of course it was cursed, and he immediately killed himself. He made a really great skeleton.
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Feb 24, 2017 01:31
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key party favors posted:all magic is evil, right? stop pretending 'non-evil' wizards. all magic is evil. I am sorry, no matter how much you wish it your "Summon adorable puppy" spell does not make you evil.
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Feb 28, 2017 05:17
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vcvcvc12 posted:I dunno, there seem to be a few non-evil wizards here. I'd be happy to take it off your hands. Please send several extremely powerful paladins to escort it to the location I message to you. After all I have a former paladin fortress to house it in. I promise I won't murder your paladins and feed them to my eldritch abomination, while selling the spell book to a demon Lord for a couple of imps.
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Mar 1, 2017 05:00
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Re: phylacteries If you are worried about your phylacteries, you should upgrade to an empowered phylactery. It is more expensive to create, (the sacrificed virgins alone are a bank breaker) but the extra defenses are really worth it. It also makes you more powerful, which is always nice. If you are on a budget, there are phylactery protection services. If you can trust them, I am not familiar with your level of paranoia and distrust. Due to a recent incident where some paladins tried to give me a cursed relic I have come into possession of several more cathedrals, so I have no shortage of places to hide my phylactery. Re: Ghosts The biggest problem with ghosts is that they are incorporeal. They are a great early warning system, they are great at scaring people off, they are great at possessing weak willed people and objects. But they can't actually physically touch those things. Ever ask a ghost to move something? They'll posses it and hurl it across the room. That has its uses, but not when you need to move your collection of crystal preserved souls. Also they do little to deter exceptionally strong willed individuals who are also less vulnerable to possession. Ghosts are useful, but you have to know how to use them.
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Mar 14, 2017 18:16
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Tiny Deer posted:
C'mon man. He's trying to change for the better. But seriously, if you are just starting out you are better off using their sacrifice to bond a lesser fiend than in trade with a powerful one. The more powerful ones are always looking for ways to scam you until you have established a rep for either being incredibly dangerous or being incredibly useful.
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Mar 16, 2017 04:21
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cleric alert
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Bud K ninja sword posted:dont gently caress with the fae yo. dragons are more reliable. and if you dont get that analogy you are already hosed anyway. some things make bargains, fae may, but that doesn't really apply in reality. so hey you want to go be an adventurer or something be my drat guest. Fae, elves, and all assorted faeries, have their own magics that are beyond the power of non-fae mages to control. This makes them unsuited for any kind of servitude. Have you ever tried corrupting a high elf? You can trick him into turning on his friends, family anyone, and no matter what, if he decided you were a villain he will not obey you. Lesser fae are easier to trick, but even harder to control. Even direct mind control will eventually fail. It's possible to use fae as allies, like you would an unpredictable wolf, but they will never truly serve you. If you must have living servants goblins or human slaves work best.
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Mar 18, 2017 20:25
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Hihohe posted:Im looking into getting some trolls but im worried about them turning to stone. If they do turn to stone is it indefinitely? and if so will an un-petrify spell work to de stone them or is that only for medusas and basilisks. Don't get stone trolls, while it is possible to transform them back, it isn't worth it. Bridge trolls don't transform, though they might try to charge you to cross any random bit of stone or wood you have on the ground. Forest or swamp trolls are much cheaper, don't turn to stone, and regenerate real fast. They are a bit unruly, but if you are a decent leader that won't be a problem.
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Mar 19, 2017 02:09
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Hihohe posted:People keep talking about skeletons like theyre the end all of low level minions, but listen. Sure they dont eat sleep or think, but they do require upkeep. You gotta maintain the spell every couple of hours otherwise they start falling apart.That costs energy. Maybe not a lot but if you get your big armies it can add up and youll always feel tired at the end of the day( you think necromancers just choose to look all disheveled?). When they're not directly under your command they're dumb as a bag of rocks. You ever have trouble with a printer and it just keeps spitting different printouts from like 3 days ago. Thats what its like. I had a skeleton battalion that I ordered to collect slaves come back with one slave. Its not that they couldnt find anymore, they found the village and as soon as they got one guy they came back. Honestly I prefer ghouls to skeletons, but skeletons are just so easy to get. And lol if you don't use Improved Animate Dead to keep them Animated permanently. They are not even slightly smart, but if you need something that requires massive amounts of manual labor they are great. And once you have actual minions and acolytes you can send them to supervise. Standard skeletons do suck in fights, any idiot with a mace or club can smash them, so it is best to use them as supplemental fighters or in vast numbers. Ultimately no single minion type is sufficient for today's up and coming dark wizard on the go. I use a mix of ghouls, skeletons, mid tier demons and devil's, as well as my cultists, my undead Blackguard, my Eldritch Abomination and my fallen Archangel.
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Mar 19, 2017 06:44
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That depends on whether the cops have been properly cowed by your dark magic. Jesus, when we say to obey the laws, we are not talking about the local police. USE YOUR DARK MAGIC.
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Mar 19, 2017 17:30
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nomadologique posted:guess i'll just have to dig into the old coffers and hire an evil actuary because i could not make heads or tails of this! Oh for fucks sake just line it up based on Halloween like the rest of us do.
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Mar 19, 2017 17:51
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Hippity Hoppity posted:Hey guys evil underling for hire if anyones interested (Note: I DON'T accept experimenting on myself) Can you do mass undead raisings? This is time critical temp work, which might result in a permanent position.
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Mar 23, 2017 16:44
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Hippity Hoppity posted:You bet I can! I took this big book that covers all kinds of necromancy from this dumb wizard in a library (what an idiot amirite), I should point out i'm pretty good at sneaking so if you need to get a few ingredients for your cauldron or whatnot I can keep things on the down-low My master plan has had an unexpected development (in a good way), and I am in need of assistance in raising a huge number of undead soldiers in a short amount of time. I offer standard evil wizard wages and if our venture is successful I would be willing to consider making you an apprentice or perhaps a lieutenant depending on your level of competency. Understand that if my plan is successful, I will be in a position to offer an incredible benefits package, including laboratory, test subjects and international contacts.
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Mar 24, 2017 02:12
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naem posted:FYI I'm pretty this guy's going to drop you down the skeleton trap door Normally I would, but the local king just hired my death cult to clean up his recent battlefield. I honestly have a real opportunity to become a true Dark Lord.
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Mar 24, 2017 02:41
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Hippity Hoppity posted:I accept, is dressing business casual or do you prefer cloaks? I'd wear something sturdy and warm, you are going to be on a battlefield raising corpses. We need to finish by midnight tonight!
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Mar 24, 2017 18:53
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So all in all things went quite well last night. The remaining paladins finally convinced the king that my death cult was in fact evil, and intent on raising the corpses he wanted me to bury. Luckily I got the corpses raised anyway. The paladins tried to turn my new undead army, only to be turned by my fallen angel first. My army then fell on the king's army, routing it. I've managed to force most of the various lords to surrender after I had demons kidnap their families. Of course I let the demons keep the families and simply killed the lords.As I invaded the capital city everyone fled in terror screaming "the Dark Lord is coming!" It's been a good day.
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Mar 25, 2017 19:34
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nomadologique posted:that's cuz justin bieber had a concert that night LOL The Biebs was one of the people fleeing in terror. I forced him to sign a contract forbidding him from singing until after the end of time. I know, as an evil wizard I shouldn't be doing good things.
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Mar 26, 2017 02:00
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naem posted:I can't even handle horses! I mean live horses cost a LOT and then what, do you skeletonize them? Because no live horse will let a skeleton ride them I'll tell you that much. If you are going to combine multiple bodies together you need to create a soul amalgam or use advanced soul binding techniques. Just don't create a soul amalgam out of multiple souls which are all as smart as you. There is a like a 40% chance that it will be a super genius who figures out how to break free of you. This goes double for dragons, who are almost always super smart. Realigning the soul binding on the bodies is harder, but produces a much more reliable servant.
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Apr 7, 2017 00:07
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A Pack of Kobolds posted:Wait wait wait, so there is the possibility of the reanimated skeletal dragon retaining some or all of its intelligence? Would it then be a dracolich? Unholy gently caress! It wouldn't be a dracolich unless it had a phylactery. This would just be a free skeletal dragon. If you killed it again it would stay dead. The more powerful and magic a creature is the more holes in the spells that keep it bound. The more intelligent the mind of the soul bound to the undead is, the more likely it will find one of those holes. A powerful, magic intelligent being such as a dragon is very hard to control without the use of advanced binding techniques.
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Apr 7, 2017 00:46
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Any interdimensional travelers here? What would be a more efficient method of moving a giant undead army to one of the infernal planes, opening a portal directly from one of my places of power, or plane shifting to my destination and summoning from there? It should be noted that while I am an accomplished summoner, I am not quite as skilled at sending things to other planes. Oh I can banish things with the best of them, but only one person/monster at a time.
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Apr 17, 2017 16:12
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