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I jog on a treadmill and watch bad movies to help me forget how much I hate running. Most of these are free off of Amazon Prime and generally come from the horror genre because I enjoy laughing at stupid protagonists, copious gore, and poorly executed body horror. Sometimes I find decent movies (like "The Pact" or "The Void"). This is not one of those movies. Bloodwork (2012): C/C- Bloodwork is a horror film with a great premise and a good setup, but with poor execution. It tells the story of two college bros who sign up for a pharmaceutical drug trial involving an experimental "allergy medicine" in order to make some quick cash ($3150 each and free room and board for 4 weeks). It takes place at an isolated facility in the middle of buttfuck nowhere, and involves a pretty small drug trial group. All of the people involved in the trial have their cellphones taken, are restricted to staying inside, and under constant camera surveillance. It could have been good, and there are good breadcrumbs in the beginning hinting at how the story will turn out, like how one of the studies the bros participated in made them think they were testing out a game instead of seeing how long people would sit in uncomfortable chairs, and showing the effects of a prior drug trial when all but the person who got the placebo ended up with the shakes. However, it can't decide on what it wants to be. This is most obvious in the pacing. It tries to be a slow burn at the beginning, but it ends up choppy. The test subjects start finding bugs in the facility, and worms in their food, and dead animals in the hallway. Each event is meant to show changes in the trial members' personalities, but the changes are jarring rather than gradual. For example, one guy who is a loud-and-proud vegan has no problem pulling a worm out of his mouth from the spaghetti he's been eating. One of the bros who finds out that he's on the placebo and hence the control member of the trial tries to uncover what is happening at the facility, and finds out that the drug is actually based on the liver's ability to regenerate, and some of the animals that broke away are from the animal trial of the drug. The doctor running the trial explains that one of the side effects of the drug is removing the subject's sense of disgust, meaning they'll eat trash and live in filth because their body will regenerate. That becomes an excuse to turn the movie into a fast-paced gorefest at the end involving a poo poo-ton of fridge logic moments (why not use the detox drug to save the girl who dies from her body healing over bullets if it can immediately strip away the healing drug, how does the lone survivor manage to smuggle out the healing drug, and why does he use it after seeing how much it fucks up the test subjects, why are the two buddies dead when they're pumped full of the drug). It's kind of a shame that the movie wastes the drug trial premise. The story is at its best when it highlights how little privacy and freedom the trial members have, from limited access to a payphone (lol) to having to bag each bowel movement and answer a questionnaire involving its size, consistency, ease of passage, etc. There is a good horror movie to be made out of this scenario, but this is not it. Don't watch this movie if you have issues with sexual assault. There's two instances in the movie which are pretty gross and meant to sell how the drug eventually removes the person's humanity. Tricia Helfer deserves better.
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May 8, 2019 23:56
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 00:54 |
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Nothing Really Happens (2017): C-/D This movie purports to be science fiction and comedy. If you watch the movie expecting both, then you're gonna have a bad time because the former is patently false, and the latter is only classically true. Basically, this movie tells the story of what it would be like if you had a goon as a real life acquaintance. If I had known that from the start, I probably would have enjoyed it more because I would have adjusted my expectations accordingly.
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May 27, 2019 05:16
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Would you Rather (2012): B+/B This is a horror/suspense movie with a pretty straightforward plot: a rich guy collects a bunch of desperate schlubs and invites them to his house to "play a game," with the winner having all of his or her problems going away. It's been done many times, but this one stands out for me because of the eclectic choice of cast. It has Brittany Snow (Chloe from Pitch Perfect), Lawrence Gilliard, Jr. (the punter from The Waterboy), Sasha Grey (the girl in those RedTube movies), John Heard (the dad in Home Alone), Eddie Steeples (Crabman from My Name Is Earl), Robb Wells (Ricky from Trailer Park Boys), Robin Lord Taylor (Penguin from Gotham), and Jeffrey Combs (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). The cast does a good job of acting like rational people stuck in the deadliest game of "Would You Rather" that they've ever played, but the standouts are Combs and Taylor who play the rich father and son hosting the game. They chew the scenery like no tomorrow, especially Combs who leans in on playing the most delightfully demented host you could possibly have. Some of it is kind of hard to watch, and the ending is pretty decent. The movie is free on Showtime Anytime if you've got an account. It's definitely worth a watch if hammy suspense movies are your thing.
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Jun 2, 2019 07:33
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Loqueesha (2019): F- I thought this movie might at least be an amusing trainwreck like Battlefield Earth or The Room. It's not. It's just a poorly put-together film written by a manchild with stilted dialog and a plot so telegraphed that even a goldfish could predict what would happen next. It's utterly banal and dumb, save for one line that stood out from all the others. While portraying Loqueesha, Jeremy Saville mentions that white people are slaves to other people's opinions, making them the new slaves. I don't know what he thought that should mean, but all I know is that I hate it, and I hate him. gently caress this movie, and gently caress Jeremy Saville.
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Jun 10, 2019 01:33
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Dreamcatcher (2003): B+/B This is a weird yet enjoyable movie, but you should not watch the cinematic trailer before watching it. The first time I saw this movie, I loving hated it because the trailer loving lies to you about the plot. This is a Steven King movie that hits lots of familiar tropes: 1) a group of boys who grow up to be friends, 2) special abilities, and 3) aliens. It's very important to pay attention to what all of main characters say and do because the movie packs a lot of weird ideas in it, and it's easy to get lost if you zone out. There are major problems with the plot/conflict (like how the antagonist plans to win), but characters (especially Damian Lewis) are fun to watch. I'm not qualified to comment on Duddits' portrayal as a person suffering several disabilities, but I offer a content warning. Night School (2018): B I needed a comedy movie to watch to make me laugh and feel less depressed. I'm insane and happen to think Kevin Hart is funny, and that Tiffany Haddish is even funnier, and they both delivered in this movie. Not going to lie, it's a broad comedy that doesn't do anything new. It's founded the tired trope of a man dating a woman out of his league, the man lying to her because he thinks that will keep her, the woman finding out, and the woman forgiving him after the man confesses both to himself and to her about who he really is. However, the movie also includes a more compelling story about the importance of teachers helping students identify their learning disabilities, and helping them overcome them in order to succeed. The supporting cast also helps keep the movie from getting overly sappy, with Mary Lynn Rajskub (AKA "Gail the Snail") standing out in particular as the frustrated mother of three who is trying to get her GED to prevent her family from having to live in her in-laws' laundry room.
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Jun 20, 2019 05:42
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The Meg (2018): C/C- This is a pretty by-the-numbers summer blockbuster with a smaller scale monster (compared to the Godzillas, Kongs, and Rampage monsters out there), filled with pandering to China in order to get some of that Chinese box office money. It's not good, but I'll be damned if Jason Statham and Cliff Curtis didn't give it their all. It's an entertaining enough watch if you want to put something on to kill some time and you're bored of Jaws and Deep Blue Sea, but there are many better movies out there.
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Jun 24, 2019 07:20
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Turbinosamente posted:Hooray, I'm not alone. I watched Bohemian a month ago and found it pretty badly presented "plot" wise and a bit confusing at times, even outside of the obvious bias the movie has. It's been on my mind because recently I stumbled upon the two part BBC documentary from 2011 or so that does a much better job telling the band's history and touches on some of the negative things that happened. Any movie with Lemmon and Matthau is always a delight.
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Jul 10, 2019 02:13
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Ponyo (2008): A+ I'm weird because I don't always enjoy Studio Ghibli films as much as other people do. The worlds are beautifully animated and creatively magical and bizarre, but some stories just don't resonate with me. Sometimes it's because some of the stories can be depressing (see Princess Mononoke) or kind of static (My Neighbor Totoro). However, I loving love Ponyo. It's so bright and happy. This movie is absolutely adorable, and I love the sweet relationship that develops between Brunhilde/Ponyo and Sosuke. It also moves pretty fast, and I was surprised to find out it was about 100 minutes long because it seemed like it was over so quickly.
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Jul 20, 2019 07:20
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Turbinosamente posted:You're not alone. They're fine movies but I have yet to be overly hyped by one like everyone else seems to be. I think of the ones I have seen I liked Howl's Moving Castle the most and the most heavy handed environmental message ones the least (Mononoke and Nausicaa) Totoro and Spirited Away are okay. Someday I want to track down Porco Rosso though that looks like it could be interesting. Yeah, I really like Howl's and Nausicaa, and now Ponyo. Mononoke is just really depressing. It's visually stunning and beautifully animated, but I'm depressed enough as it is.
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Jul 21, 2019 02:39
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The Predator (2018): C/C- This movie starts off as something fun, but peters out into being a rather shallow, soulless cash-grab and an attempt to create a new franchise. I think the writers were trying to strike a balance between the over-the-top action of Predator ("I ain't got time to bleed.") and the goofier comedy Predator 2 ("Okay pussyface, it's your move." "poo poo happens"). However, they did what Hollywood does worst, and tried to up the stakes with bigger and badder threats (like "Predator dogs") and flashy (i.e. lovely) CGI. I feel bad for Trevante Rhodes and Thomas Jane, who bring their A game to the movie. They steal every scene they're in, but even the best acting can't save bad writing.
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Jul 27, 2019 21:43
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Halloween (2018): B+/B This is a fairly solid horror movie with good comedic sense thanks to two of its screenwriters being Danny McBride and Jeff Fradley. I'd go so far as to say that the humor is the strongest part of the movie, especially the banter between one of the supporting characters and the kid she babysits. The story is pretty good for the most part, although the granddaughter's subplot is kind of boring/tropey IMHO. It doesn't get too over-the-top until the end, which is when you might start asking yourself questions like how does Michael Myers have time to stash the dead husband's body in a closet or why doesn't Laurie use her gates to trap Myers. The end also includes a witty twist, and a bullshit cut to maintain the specter of doubt around Myers' demise necessary for incoming two movies.
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Jul 31, 2019 01:38
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JBP posted:I just watched Warm Bodies. I have put off or just skipped this movie for years despite friend recommendations. I regret it. Warm Bodies is amazing.
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Oct 27, 2019 23:27
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I thought the alien bombs/weapons looking like the board game pegs was an especially nice and hilarious touch. It's a big dumb movie, but it recognizes it and relishes that fact. I can't fault people for hating it, though.
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Mar 7, 2024 20:15
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 00:54 |
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I just like the gore from Scanners and Michael Ironside chewing the scenery. Both are fine reasons to watch that film.
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Mar 19, 2024 04:04
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