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Why didn't you pour enough Coca Cola into this sponge trifle? Why didn't you pour enough Pepsi into this hot dish of lasagne? You idiot. You loving fool. You should have poured a lot more Pepsi into this, I can't even eat it.
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Jan 10, 2017 16:20
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Apr 29, 2024 17:57
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- Android Blues
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You're a loving nonce. Can you even believe I've eaten this paella that you made me? I can't. I dislike you personally, even though the paella was good and felt delicious in my little tummy. It's just you I don't like.
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Jan 10, 2017 16:21
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- Android Blues
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This pizza base has tiny ants baked into it...I love it! Top marks! *furiously crunching tiny ants* Let's end the episode early because I like it so much!
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Jan 10, 2017 16:23
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- Android Blues
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Hm. *talking to camera* He hasn't put an entire two litre bottle of sugary watery caffeine drink into this veal cutlet broth reduction, which was his first mistake. *tastes it* loving awful! Hideous!
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Jan 10, 2017 16:25
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- Android Blues
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The camera cuts back to Gordon and he is just chugging Pepsi by the bottleful, foamy juices running down his chin. It's supposed to be a shot-reverse-shot conversation but they can't get any good shots of Gordon where he isn't either eating something that doesn't have enough Coca Cola in it or suckling on huge, unwieldy bottles of Pepsi with his large thin lips. He tries to speak through the plastic mouth of the bottle and cuts his lip. It sounded like he was saying a swear, sort of. The audience at home throws up their arms and cheers. This is Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares.
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Jan 10, 2017 16:30
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- Android Blues
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*conciliatory, happy music playing. Gordon has prepared a new menu and a new seating plan for the struggling restaurant.* This is sure to turn your fortunes around. Just get it right, eh?
The menu is all Pepsi. It's nothing but Pepsi and the different sizes of Pepsi. On the back is Coke, where the wine list would be. On the front is a big Clipart picture of a man furiously chugging from a bottle, holding it up above his face with both hands, little cartoon sweat drops coming off him. The restaurant has no listed name. The maitre'd nods approvingly. Finally, this husband-and-wife team is beginning to understand what success in the dining business looks like.
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Jan 10, 2017 16:42
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- Android Blues
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A restaurant where instead of pepper grinders, the servers have big Pepsi and Coke bottles, and they pour it into your meal until you say when.
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Jan 10, 2017 16:43
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- Android Blues
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a mentos truck has lost its brakes and is barreling towards the restaurant. everyone is petrified by horror but unable to look away. gordon roars wordlessly and raises his arms. is this a final act of defiance, or is he reaching out to embrace the ultimate realization of his vision?
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Jan 10, 2017 18:50
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- Android Blues
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gordon ramsey's friend: heh nice, I've heard about this, the steam in the dishwasher is warm enough to cook the salmon you put inside
gordon: *slaps back of friend's head* what are you talking about I'm just washing the salmon you nonce
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Jan 12, 2017 20:32
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- Android Blues
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*samples boiling pepsi*
"RAAW"
*spitting vinaigrette-covered lettuce out of his mouth onto his smock* disgusting, ugh, disgusting, what is this, sour, acidic, why! *unscrews bottle of pepsi, sprinkles liberal amount over salad* this is what you want in a salad dressing. sweet... fizzy... that's what you want, you understand? Mmm. *takes swig of pepsi*
ramsay's honor is on the line as a contestant on iron chef japan. he is confident, cocky even, as he selects iron chef morimoto as his opponent. but then chairman kaga names the secret ingredient:
"dokteru . . . pepperu!"
ramsay's face whitens and the knife slips from his fingers. morimoto smirks and turns to his workstation. allez cuisine, indeed.
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Jan 12, 2017 23:32
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Apr 29, 2024 17:57
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- Android Blues
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*gordon takes a bite of the salad in front of him, with no visible reaction*
you know, usually I'm ready to berate you idiots at the drop of a hat, but this reduced dressing... it's something else. it perfectly complements the pine nuts and even the puffer fish, which is, like, loving impossible even for me. it reminds me of the best meal I've ever had in my life, right after I married my soul mate. actually, the problem is that this is now the best meal I've had in my life and so I can no longer use my honeymoon dinner as the highest comparison. so I'm pleased to tell you... wait a minute, is this just reduced RC cola?
*throws plate across the room*
what loving trash. use Pepsi next time!
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Jan 14, 2017 15:20
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Jan 10, 2017 16:20
