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anglerfish posted:Somebody posted a Trump-related confession in the anonymous confessions thread: Probably fake but I'm LOLing at the idea of a new facelifted Trump showing up in public. Bleeding from his.... wherever. Also LOLing at the idea of a goon having the racist President's life in his hands.
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Aug 4, 2017 16:07
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if Trump had a visible face lift scar at his next public appearance after his attack on that one Morning Joe lady.
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Plavski posted:At least now our parents can stop acting all smug cos they lived through the cuban missile crisis. "We lived under the threat of nuclear war, you kids don't know you're born." Not any more! Now Donnie Two Scoops is gonna tweet our deaths any day now! You drat millennials have never had to go to war (except for the longest never-ending war in US history), live under the fear of nuclear Armageddon (except for N. Korea), lived in tough economic times (except constantly since 2001). You need to learn to suck it up buttercup!!! Life sucks and then you die in nuclear fire to give blood for the Blood God Donald Jiminy Trump.
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Aug 9, 2017 13:33
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Sedge and Bee posted:What the hell does "ordering to renovate" nuclear weapons mean? Who or what did he say that to that makes him think it had an effect? It's like he thinks he's Washington in a game of civ. You know how your renovate your house to raise its value? It's the same thing with nukes. You just [inaudible] and then the nuclear is... it's just the best. Really fantastic [indecipherable] great high-energy stuff. Many such cases!
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Aug 9, 2017 14:16
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Imagine going into a coma right before the election and waking up right now. You'd think you died and woke up in Hell. Unless you were put into the coma while you were attending a KKK rally, then you'd be pretty happy with things.
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Aug 16, 2017 15:40
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Raspberry Jam It In Me posted:Lets not go overboard here though. There have been much more incompetent rulers in history than Trump. Like, half of the loving Habsburgs were so inbred that they couldn't even speak or understand simple instructions. Sounds pretty similar here, at least those guys had inbreeding to blame.
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Aug 16, 2017 15:54
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haljordan posted:Lmao @ our fat retard president Hey Donny, did you finish your history report? Yeah, I talked to a bunch of people. I uh.... I forget their names but they helped me. *furiously scribbling notes* There was this place, not a lot of people know this, but it was called Transylvania. And there was this guy there, really bad guy, but.... maybe not such a bad guy? Named Vlad the Impaler. Gotta love that name - Vlad, reminds me of a good friend of mine. And Impaler? There's this car, you know... Chevy Impaler..... really quality car, made in America because of me. Even the fake media can't deny those million jobs I'm making in the Chevy sector. But so Vlad here, you know the fake media twists his words and actions to make it like he killed a lot of people and possibly drank their blood. I don't know, you don't know... but what I know is that he did a lot of good things. Turns into a cloud of mist for one thing, at least according to his biography written by Bradley Stroker. Good name there too, Stroker. I knew a Stroker who really just.... they're telling me I can't say this but you're all adults here, you all understand..... he just cruised the world kissing beautiful women at every port. Just a little..... smooch and then he'd sail off to the next land. Many such ports, collecting spices and kisses and like the song says, Brandy was there, too. Walking through a silent town. Really sad, that town used to be beautiful but the Obama administration refused to say Radical Islamic terror and.... well just look at us now.
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Aug 17, 2017 15:04
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My crazy, right-wing neighbor had an interesting take on Bannon's departure on Facebook: "I think this is a good thing. He's probably the guy guilty of all the leaks." So I fully expect him to become a scapegoat for every bad Trump thing. I've also seen the whole Republican in name only (RINO) insult thrown around a lot for whoever Trump attacks, so I could see that somehow get thrown his way, too.
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Aug 18, 2017 19:00
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baw posted:i'm trying to imagine the internal monologue of a Trump supporter watching Trump speak but i'm failing miserably Trump is good, all hail Trump. Remember when the President was a b-b-b-black??? Killary Clinton killed fiddy men, would have killed fiddy more if she was elected President. What's he talking about? Oh yeah GOD BLESS AMERICA I love that song. Trump good, Obama bad. Truuuuuuuuuummmmpppp. The left are whiny crybabies but also are violent thugs who will murder you in your sleep. I can reconcile this in my head. In my head in my headddddd ZOMBIE ZOMBIE ZOM BIE BIE BIE. Anyway, back to the President. I heard terrorism is bad, which is true. Are blacks terrorists? Yeah I think so. I think.... Obama was a Muslim and that's bad. Also a Kenyan and that kind of sounds bad. He's king of the blacks so that's bad. Haha Trump make a funny, I like jokes.
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Aug 23, 2017 14:26
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sugar free jazz posted:He's so loving stupid jeeeeezzz "Grammar Nazis attacking me for my tweets. So much for the tolerant alt-left!"
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Aug 24, 2017 14:02
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Valt posted:He is apparently going to be in Austin about a mile from my house for some reason today. Then he is going to travel all the way across town during rush hour to get to the air port. That will surely devastate traffic here today. Thanks for your support during this Hurricane, here's a map of all the counties I won. May it guide you in the days ahead.
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Aug 29, 2017 13:35
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Hello, I'm Donald Trump and thanks to everyone for coming out today. My beautiful wife Melania and I are here to say how fantastic you've been handling this hurricane. There's a lot of flooding people, the news isn't covering it but it's real. Many such cases! I heard a story, not a lot of people know about this but there was this guy named Noah, long long ago. He also dealt with a hurricane flood. Now there's a story I love. May God bless America, and bless this major Hurricane, the likes of which Obama never saw. Sorry folks, they're telling me I.... [unintelligible]. The only leak here is going to be the illegal ones which I am stopping, and the leaks of tremendous drugs which my Wall will stop 90% of. We are stopping 88% right now, most people are happy with 1 or 2 % but not me, no I said Sheriff Joe let's get 90%. And with the Wall we're sure going to, folks. *Dam bursts in the background, destroying hundreds of homes* Make America Great Again! I'm heading back to DC to work hard for you!
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Aug 29, 2017 20:08
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So how likely is it that Trump has slipped 100% into dementia? My grandma started talking like this before she died. If Trump starts talking about random trips to the Grand Canyon and nighttime visits from celebrities we'll know he's not long for this world.
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Aug 30, 2017 15:07
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mono posted:Trump Admin appoints ex-dean busted for fraud to lead the student aid fraud office Trump is forming a Suicide Squad to run things. Getting the worst criminals in the world, experts at the crimes they're being appointed to stop. If they fail, he can say "SAD! Cutting this position to save jobs! He was not supporting my vision to MAGA!". I can't wait until he nominates Charles Manson to be in charge of, oh let's say a Special Investigation Into How To Prevent Serial Killers.
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Aug 30, 2017 16:22
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Coco Rodreguiz posted:Can you imagine the letter Trump would leave for the next president if he makes it to 2020 then loses the election? It'll be so ANGRY hmbol
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Aug 30, 2017 16:53
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haljordan posted:They held that focus group in Pittsburgh by the way My neighbors are hardcore Trumpers and posted a picture with "The Trump Mobile" which is a car plastered with pics of Trump and signed by Eric Trump. 99% of the comments were someone dunking on Trump, with my favorite being "I heard that car runs on pee".
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Aug 31, 2017 15:56
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henpod posted:Let's be honest for a minute. Do you really think there is a pisstape? The world needs something to look forward to. All joking aside I believe 100% it's real, Putin constantly hangs it over Trump's head, Trump is constantly worried about it leaking (hence his obsession with stopping 'the illegal leakers' and 'Obama's wiretapping me!!!'), and we will see it before Christmas of this year.
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Sep 5, 2017 15:39
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bag em and tag em posted:how long before Trumpeteers start sucking schumers balls if Prez tweets about all these sweet deals he's making? Very soon. The hardcore Trumpers already view Paul Ryan as an incompetent idiot to blame for all of Trump's problems. Remember how there were crazy conspiracy theories about Trump really being a plant by Clinton to destroy the GOP? Uhhhhhh maybe those are true? And somebody just said the magic words (covfefe) and he's turning full Dem?
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Sep 6, 2017 19:24
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EugeneJ posted:That's a Christian thing where the dads have the daughters promise them their virginity with "Purity Rings" - Nothin' wrong with a Daddy protecting his underage daughter's hymen. Even better if he can exercise his 2nd amendment rights while doin' so. MAGA!
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Sep 8, 2017 15:27
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super macho dude posted:Waiting for the inevitable Garrison cartoon that shows a hilariously racist caricature of Pelosi and Schumer dressed as Mexican rabbis controlling the strings of puppet Trump Don't forget that Trump will be super tough and strong and have bulging muscles and a firm buttocks and long flowing hair I'd love to run my fingers through and deep, soulful eyes you could get lost in for days.
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Sep 8, 2017 16:37
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Burt Sexual posted:I wonder what the MAGA men from the Trumps Fine thread would say about Trump's new alliance formed? LOL you LIBERALS are being fooled by Papa Trump. He's playing the Dems like a harp from Hell! He knows they'll bow down to him soon, Cryin' Chuck and Lyin' Nancy don't have any actual influence. This is just to fool the MSM (main stream media AKA LAMESTREAM media) so he can get things done. MAGA my DACA! Then they'll poo poo their pants and say they meant to do that.
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Sep 8, 2017 16:39
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I hope this ends with him challenging that little girl to an actual fist fight, which the little girl proceeds to win in one punch.
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Sep 8, 2017 19:02
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"gently caress hoes cuz I'm no big fag Roll with Zig Zags like to read skin mags When I shoot I never miss" He's for traditional marriage He rolls his own cigarettes (BOOTSTRAPS) He's a believer in the 2nd amendment Seems like a pretty normal Republican to me???
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Sep 11, 2017 17:48
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SilvergunSuperman posted:How is it the only people talking about their great genetics are always such disgusting doughy hams? "Haha guys my dick is huge, this girl couldn't take it" - a man with a micro penis who's never been naked in front of another human being "I'm so rich, time to buy a really expensive car and show it off!" - a man who's living in a lovely apartment and eats Ramen for every meal "I'm so smart, everyone else is dumb" - someone who believes in holistic medicine "My taste in television is a little pickier than the average normie" - someone who watches every single anime ever made
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Sep 12, 2017 16:54
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Mr Ice Cream Glove posted:https://twitter.com/GOP/status/907731197073248263 SECRET M*SLIM KENYAN OBAMA HUSSEIN CREATES GOLDEN IDOL IN HIS IMAGE. Secret reports from the White House show that "Project Pagan" is designed to turn unwilling children into PAGAN SLAVES. Children want to "catch them all" like their favorite Pokémon. However, these coins teach idol worship and, when more than 3 are in the same room, vibrate at a frequency of 666. This REPROGRAMS THE HUMAN BRAIN to love Obama. He intends to become a M*SLIM KING and enact SHARIA LAW!
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Sep 13, 2017 16:39
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I can't believe how many lols I've been getting. I've watched Republican friends do mental gymnastics to justify every stupid thing Trump does. Now they're all trying to blame everyone BUT Trump for his flip flopping and lies.
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Sep 14, 2017 14:31
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holy lol between the picture and the quote. Maybe lowering taxes for the middle class is just symbolic too? I mean, what even is reality?
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Sep 14, 2017 17:20
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Bert Roberge posted:Donny is pro trans now. Haven't you read today's tweets? Three's Company reboot lookin' a little weird for my tastes....
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Sep 14, 2017 19:23
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Pussy Quipped posted:How exactly are we going to cut off the internet from terrorists? When you log in you have to enter your real name. The computer will also be hooked up to a lie detector, so you can't lie. Someone like, say "Donald Trump" is fine and has 100% access to the internet. As your name gets.... let's say more "complicated" you get limited access. Obviously there are some exceptions - someone named, for example, "Melania Trump" is pretty ethnic, but should get like 90% internet access.
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Sep 15, 2017 15:26
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haljordan posted:If she doesn't want government involved in health care why is the trump administration so keen on taking away a woman's right to have an abortion That's different. We must protect the lives of babies (ALL LIVES MATTER) unless of course, they are foreign born babies. We must also let more religion guide us (UNLESS IT'S ISLAM) to be better people.
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Sep 15, 2017 18:28
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Three Olives posted:http://www.foxnews.com/science/2017/09/15/biblical-prophecy-claims-world-will-end-on-sept-23-conspiracy-theorists-claim.html I hope Planet X sprays a giant planetary stream of piss all over the White House and beams the piss tape directly into all of our minds, then zaps the gently caress outta this lovely planet back to Cosmic Heaven or whatever. Bonus points if it vaporizes anyone who's used the phrase "Good people on both sides", "I'm not racist but", "So much for the tolerant left" or "I love Donald Trump" in any way.
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Sep 18, 2017 16:48
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Oscar Wild posted:So, who wrote this speech? Who thinks that American rights were given by GOD, and who thinks we have "no choice but to totally destroy North Korea". I love the mental gymnastics that hardcore Christian Trump fans go through to justify this. "Yeah, destroying a country is cool and good and what Jesus would want. Also the thousands of immigrants created by this? They sure as HECK better not head to ARE COUNTRY!!!" It's like everything must be black and white. North Korea is entirely bad - every living being there is evil, from Kim Jong Un right down to every bug crawling in the dirt. The only thing that isn't black and white is Nazis, since there are some good people on that side.
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Sep 19, 2017 16:13
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Looking forward to Thursday evening on my couch watching TV! I am watching "FUN" Fox and Friends because they were so loyal and helpful to me! Many such cases! He writes and talks like a little kid, it's almost terrifying in a way. And the Emmy ratings rant is hilarious - those ratings have been dropping for years since TV ratings in general are dropping. I'm sure if they had sucked Trump's dick for a few hours he's be praising them: Best show ever! Many good emmys given out (and some tricky ones too). Had a fun time watching and eating pizza with all my friends. Will be exciting to see the TV that won! I like Yu Gi Oh but sometimes I get so excited I headbutt the TV and Ivanka has to bring me juice. Where are the Emmys for Yu Gi Oh? Sad! But also good for many others.
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Sep 20, 2017 15:55
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Raspberry Jam It In Me posted:Like, seriously, why the gently caress is the President of the United States of America rambling incoherent nonsense in baby talk on twitter? Have you actually ever though about how ridiculous the whole premise is? Read up on cults and how they reprogram people. They have you use words that make no sense to people outside of the cult, so you start altering the way you think. That's why cults are always like "Well your floop level is bad, and we need to give you a dose of jabata to fix that." Look at how many Trump supporters say poo poo like "He's playing 4-D chess to MAGA and Drain the Swamp of Crooked Hillary, the RINOs, and the Swamp Monsters." This poo poo works and it makes a person's followers feel like their only community is that cult.
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Sep 20, 2017 16:14
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Ashmole posted:Who are these people who say to themselves "I have some extra money I want to donate. Should I give it to this drug abusing Twitter guy or a charity?" 1) Hardcore Trumpers who want to support their own and view this as somehow "owning the liberals". 2) Crazy far right grandmas who consider this guy "one of the good ones" and can say they're not homophobes now. 3) Probably Sassy Gay Republican under several anonymous accounts so it doesn't look like he's a completely pathetic, friendless loser. I lean towards 3 but think there's probably a few 1s and 2s in there.
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Sep 20, 2017 18:39
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DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:how come garrison didn't draw trump being sexually menaced by the big CIA wolf Trump cannot be sexually menaced. He's a big, strong, chiseled muscleman with gorgeous eyes, long flowing hair, and big strong hands that you want to feel caressing your body, exploring every inch. He's also really cool and strong and Garrison's best friend. They like to drive cars around and honk at liberals while playing a violin with boobs.
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Sep 21, 2017 19:15
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Jel Shaker posted:I wonder if the piss tape will enter lore such as fake moon landings or alien pyramids That interaction was filmed by Russian operatives, who then struck a deal with the senile manchild to get him elected President, in exchange for favorable actions and never releasing the tape (which became known in the popular lexicon as "The Pisstape"). Although the Pisstape was rumored to be fake, it eventually leaked (pun intended) and President Babyhands was found a few days later hiding in the basement of his childhood home. He resigned in disgrace and, while his helicopter was flying him home, it was blown out of the sky by Planet X, a mysterious celestial body that was rumored to bring about the end of the world. It did, but in doing so it ushered in a beautiful new world free of the Orange Dictator. Planet X left Earth with a warning "Don't elect any more racist morons" and then left, leading to the current Golden Age of Society.
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Sep 22, 2017 14:16
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We live in a world where Ron Jeremy, Jesse Ventura, and Dale Earnhardt Jr have a better grasp of reality than our President. At this point I've accepted our President is human garbage, so I'm kind of happy to see everybody else being a good person. Jesse Ventura is a goddamn national treasure.
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Sep 25, 2017 14:03
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I hope to God Trump calls for a war on Halloween next, just to really align his values with the super crazy far right. I would love to see a bunch of shitheads like Tomi Lahren argue that Halloween is a pagan holiday (UNLIKE CHRISTMAS!!!) which celebrates Satan.
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Sep 25, 2017 19:10
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haljordan posted:Lmao Alabama is our worst state and it's not even loving close "Turn off yer TVs, ain't worth listenin' to them liberals anyhow. Make sure you watch our show though, and spend yer dollars on our DVDs and shirts and whatnots. Don't be buying no Health Care, just let the Good Lord take ya when he's ready for ya. Just as God intended, we should all be dyin' young. Except for me o' course!"
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Sep 26, 2017 15:34
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haljordan posted:How is "doesn't use a cell phone or a computer" an admirable trait "I see these here MILLENIALS always having their phones in their faces. I remember back in th' day we'd sit in silence with our families, silently hatin' each other and hatin' anyone who didn't look like us. We didn't have no twitter or facebook to air our dirty laundry, we kept it silent and slowly went insane with repressed anger, as God intended. Maybe you heard of a man called Jesus? Jesus didn't need no computer, so I don't need none either. All I gots is my millions of dollars and my television show, and that's all I needs, too"
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Sep 26, 2017 15:44
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