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Maldoror
Oct 5, 2003

by R. Guyovich
Nap Ghost
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naraka_%28Buddhism%29

- More creative than Judeo Christian hell
- Multiple hells in cold and hot form
- Is not eternal, but very long, Ulillillia style fixation on huge numbers
- Whoever came up with these may have like gotten off on it or something, like that Fourth Stimpire guy


Cold Narakas
  • Arbuda (頞部陀), the "blister" Naraka, is a dark, frozen plain surrounded by icy mountains and continually swept by blizzards. Inhabitants of this world arise fully grown and abide lifelong naked and alone, while the cold raises blisters upon their bodies. The length of life in this Naraka is said to be the time it would take to empty a barrel of sesame seed if one only took out a single seed every hundred years.
  • Nirarbuda (刺部陀), the "burst blister" Naraka, is even colder than Arbuda. There, the blisters burst open, leaving the beings' bodies covered with frozen blood and pus.
  • Aṭaṭa (頞听陀) is the "shivering" Naraka. There, beings shiver in the cold, making an aṭ-aṭ-aṭ sound with their mouths.
  • Hahava (臛臛婆) is the "lamentation" Naraka. There, the beings lament in the cold, going haa, haa in pain.
  • Huhuva (虎々婆), the "chattering teeth" Naraka, is where beings shiver as their teeth chatter, making the sound hu, hu.
  • Utpala (嗢鉢羅) is the "blue lotus" Naraka. The intense cold there makes the skin turn blue like the colour of an utpala waterlily.
  • Padma (鉢特摩), the "lotus" Naraka, has blizzards that cracks open frozen skin, leaving one raw and bloody.
  • Mahāpadma (摩訶鉢特摩) is the "great lotus" Naraka. The entire body cracks into pieces and the internal organs are exposed to the cold, also cracking.

Hot Narakas
  • Sañjīva, the "reviving" Naraka, has ground made of hot iron heated by an immense fire. Beings in this Naraka appear fully grown, already in a state of fear and misery. As soon as the being begins to fear being harmed by others, their fellows appear and attack each other with iron claws and hell guards appear and attack the being with fiery weapons. As soon as the being experiences an unconsciousness like death, they are suddenly restored to full health and the attacks begin again. Other tortures experienced in this Naraka include having molten metal dropped upon them, being sliced into pieces, and suffering from the heat of the iron ground. Life in this Naraka is 1.62×1012 years long. It is said to be 1000 yojanas beneath Jambudvīpa and 10,000 yojanas in each direction (a yojana being 7 miles, or 11 kilometres).
  • Kālasūtra, the "black thread" Naraka, includes the torments of Sañjīva. In addition, black lines are drawn upon the body, which hell guards use as guides to cut the beings with fiery saws and sharp axes. Life in this Naraka is 1.296×1013 years long.
  • Saṃghāta, the "crushing" Naraka, is surrounded by huge masses of rock that smash together and crush the beings to a bloody jelly. When the rocks move apart again, life is restored to the being and the process starts again. Life in this Naraka is 1.0368×1014 years long.
  • Raurava, the "screaming" Naraka, is where beings run wildly about, looking for refuge from the burning ground. When they find an apparent shelter, they are locked inside it as it blazes around them, while they scream inside. Life in this Naraka is 8.2944×1014 years long.
  • Mahāraurava, the "great screaming" Naraka, is similar to Raurava. Punishment here is for people who maintain their own body by hurting others. In this hell, ruru animals known as kravyāda torment them and eat their flesh. Life in this Naraka is 6.63552×1015 years long.
  • Tapana is the "heating" Naraka, where hell guards impale beings on a fiery spear until flames issue from their noses and mouths. Life in this Naraka is 5.308416×1016 years long.
  • Pratāpana, the "great heating" Naraka. The tortures here are similar to the Tapana Naraka, but the beings are pierced more bloodily with a trident. Life in this Naraka is 4.2467328×1017 years long. It is also said to last for the length of half an antarakalpa.
  • Avīci is the "uninterrupted" Naraka. Beings are roasted in an immense blazing oven with terrible suffering. Life in this Naraka is 3.39738624×1018 years long. It is also said to last for the length of an antarakalpa.





Buddhist hell mother fuckers

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paul_soccer10
Mar 28, 2016

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
looks like a cool post, i will read it later op. thanks

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005
Hey look, another reason I'm happy to be an atheist.

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
Fun Shoe
https://twitter.com/nihilist_arbys/status/825527641658753025

a misanthrope
Jun 21, 2010

:burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug::burgerpug:
this is hell

Moon Atari
Dec 26, 2010

I wonder how they derived the very specific lifespans. You'd probably get used to the suffering after all that time though.

Arrhythmia
Jul 22, 2011
What, exactly, are the "hu - hu", "at-at-at", and "haa-haa" sounds?

Dandywalken
Feb 11, 2014

The number thing is odd, the Nation of Islam has a similar obsession. Cool thread tho.

Saint Drogo
Dec 26, 2011

seems very similar to the Hindu version, which iirc also has an endless lake of cum and a place where you burn for decades per hair on every animal you ever ate lol.

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins
Do hell guards have Buddha nature?

Moon Atari
Dec 26, 2010

Saint Drogo posted:

which iirc also has an endless lake of cum

The interpretation of Buddhism I'm familiar with suggests that hell isn't a punishment, its more like the universe giving you more of what your actions and desires on earth suggested you would want.

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012

A misanthrope posted:

this is hell

Arrhythmia
Jul 22, 2011

this man's username slash post combo is....... it's the combo of the prophecy!!

get that OUT of my face
Feb 10, 2007

that's loving cool, i wanna be a buddhist now

raton
Jul 28, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
I wish we could get Uillillia to put these Buddhist hell numbers in perspective for us

Zorodius
Feb 11, 2007

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SUCK THE SHIT STRAIGHT OUT OF MY OWN ASSHOLE.

BUY IT.
"and after church, we're going to Grandma's house"




nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004



ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

This is some dirtified version of buddhism. the true path is the one where you go live in a cave by yo'self until you die and suffer a lot.

Wicker Man
Sep 5, 2007

Just like Columbus...


Clapping Larry
Nothing sex related? You're not fooling anyone, Buddhists.

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010



Gun Saliva

Moon Atari posted:

The interpretation of Buddhism I'm familiar with suggests that hell isn't a punishment, its more like the universe giving you more of what your actions and desires on earth suggested you would want.

"Dude, nobody ate that much smoked meat without being really into it, stop flipping out man" *menaces with flaming weapons*

i like that
May 22, 2016

by FactsAreUseless
I think this will probably be my last earth body. I'm sorry that most of you will be burning in hell while I finally achieve ultimate freedom. I hope you can turn around your life from sin and atheism soon.

Lord Frankenstyle
Dec 3, 2005

Mmmm,
You smell like Lysol Wipes.
Chinese have a lot of Hells, Jack.

myDad
Jan 20, 2010

ce n'est pas ma mère
College Slice
I like the one with the sword trees

VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005

Frankenstyle posted:

Chinese have a lot of Hells, Jack.

Aw, what is that? No don't tell me!

myDad
Jan 20, 2010

ce n'est pas ma mère
College Slice
Reminder that The Way has no End

Hot Dog Day #82
Jul 5, 2003

Soiled Meat
Buddhism is a good religion for sure, but after watching the Young Pope on HBO I'm back to thinking that Roman Catholicism is the one true faith

Lord Frankenstyle
Dec 3, 2005

Mmmm,
You smell like Lysol Wipes.

Hot Dog Day #82 posted:

Buddhism is a good religion for sure, but after watching the Young Pope on HBO I'm back to thinking that Roman Catholicism is the one true faith

Don't fall in with vampire cults. You'll end up turning tricks for Hot Topic gift cards.

Dreddout
Oct 1, 2015

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.
Mahāraurava sounds like GBS on a good day

Drunken Baker
Feb 3, 2015

VODKA STYLE DRINK
I only recently found out that Hellraiser is basically an Islamic hell where you're strung up by chains and hooks and flayed over and over.

Though did they even have chains and hooks when the world was first born? Before metallurgy?

Either way, hell is p.badass.

Jabberlock
Nov 29, 2014



At least its not an eternity like the regular hell. Also I assume you get reincarnated after the very specific time is up, but if you can't remember it did it really do any good?

lilljonas
May 6, 2007

We got crabs? We got crabs!
I'm the Buddhist Hell Accountant. I sit in a corner with a timer, checking that the floor managers don't get "creative". Goddamn Steve's always letting guys off up to 1.26 times 340 years early, to get better numbers in his performance reviews.

Drunken Baker
Feb 3, 2015

VODKA STYLE DRINK
Send him to the hell of loud carnival night zone music sped up to to the power of 5.74x for 13.9x>44 thousand years.

Aesop Poprock
Oct 21, 2008


Grimey Drawer

Drunken Baker posted:

I only recently found out that Hellraiser is basically an Islamic hell where you're strung up by chains and hooks and flayed over and over.

Though did they even have chains and hooks when the world was first born? Before metallurgy?

Either way, hell is p.badass.

I've always wondered how hell picks and chooses the technology it uses. You don't really hear stories about demons using like ak47s or anything but they've definitely got some medieval stuff going on. Did Satan just like up in the 1100s be like "oh yeah this is tits this is the poo poo right here" and refused to change with the times like someone's uncle who doesn't listen to music that came out after the Joshua Tree?

The Dennis System
Aug 4, 2014

Nothing in Jurassic World is natural, we have always filled gaps in the genome with the DNA of other animals. And if the genetic code was pure, many of them would look quite different. But you didn't ask for reality, you asked for more teeth.
That's why you ditch the religious aspects and just keep the philosophical aspects, which are pretty awesome.

Drunken Baker
Feb 3, 2015

VODKA STYLE DRINK

Aesop Poprock posted:

I've always wondered how hell picks and chooses the technology it uses. You don't really hear stories about demons using like ak47s or anything but they've definitely got some medieval stuff going on. Did Satan just like up in the 1100s be like "oh yeah this is tits this is the poo poo right here" and refused to change with the times like someone's uncle who doesn't listen to music that came out after the Joshua Tree?

I forget which hell it is, but I'm sure I read about one that used barbed wire. So I think they keep up with the times.

hakimashou
Jul 15, 2002
Upset Trowel
i am the king of hell

Hardawn
Mar 15, 2004

Don't look at the sun, but rather what it illuminates
College Slice
You gotta cover all the bases

Aesop Poprock
Oct 21, 2008


Grimey Drawer

Drunken Baker posted:

I forget which hell it is, but I'm sure I read about one that used barbed wire. So I think they keep up with the times.

Gonna be disapointed when I get to hell and the demon's just a dude in a suit who tazers me in the balls repeatedly while they blast Slayer to keep me from sleeping

Tinestram
Jan 13, 2006

Excalibur? More like "Needle"

Grimey Drawer

Attack on Titan season 2 lookin pretty good.

Tinestram fucked around with this message at 14:06 on Feb 13, 2017

SMILLENNIALSMILLEN
Jun 26, 2009



Op forgot the ruled over by a naked idiot hell , the one we're all in

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Toadvine
Mar 16, 2009
Please disregard my advice w/r/t history.
What's it take to get sent there?

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