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 Patient number: Patient name: Sylvia, T. Diagnosis: Severe dissociative identity disorder[/b] Note: this case file will also serve as the GDT for UFC Fight Night: Lewis vs. Browne, 9 p.m. ET Sunday, Feb. 19, on Fox Sports 1.[/b] As the leading psychiatrist in dissociative identity disorder cases, I have seen my fair share of individuals living with this condition, and yet none are more fascinating than Mr. Sylvia. Like most patients, Mr. Sylvia shares a history of past trauma that lead to his deep-seeded development of a series of drastically different personae and identities — in Mr. Sylvia’s case, he became the most successful UFC heavyweight champion in history, and yet never earned the respect of the fans or even his own, very rude teammates. And like many patients, the range of personas he developed to cope with this trauma not only have different personalities, but starkly different physical capabilities, lending to my theory that this disorder could hold the potential to the next stage of human evolution. If one personality has diabetes or is blind but the others are not, think of the possibilities this could mean for any range of diseases, disabilities and other undesirable traits. But not every personality seems so harmless. Let’s take a closer look at the personalities that Sylvia has developed, and their vastly different physical traits. Heavyweight  Derrick “the Black Beast” Lewis vs.  Travis “Hapa” Browne I have never seen Derrick Lewis, Mr. Sylvia’s mythical 22nd personality. The other personalities whisper tales of him, saying he is really physically strong, has kind of good takedown defense, and is a humorous black guy on Twitter. He’s said to be far physically stronger than anyone else on the card, and can do things people thought were impossible: he doesn’t need to breathe so he can eat rear end for hours on end, and he can get knocked out by Shawn Jordan and Fat Shitrione within a year of each other and still stay in a UFC that lets Misha Cirkunov and Kyoji Horiguchi walk. Not all of the other fighters even seem to believe he truly exists: some think he is just a fat guy lucking his way into a winning streak, while others describe him in hushed tones just as I have noted here. I have not met this Black Beast, but if it is true… no, I won’t even entertain the notion. Even if my wildest theories are as true as I believe, surely there is only so much a human body is capable of doing… right? When I ask to have Travis Browne come to the light so I can speak with him, it is one of the more turbulent times in my office. Mr. Sylvia immediately loses control of all fine motor functions. He immediately jerks about violently, swinging his arms and legs in spastic directions that don’t seem to achieve much of anything aside from knocking over the candy dish I keep on my desk. I’ve since begun using plastic rather than a glass apothecary jar to cut down on time spent sweeping afterwards. I oftentimes have to ask him to stay and wait for a new personality to take over before he leaves my office for the session, due to his propensity to fall down the stairs on the way out after randomly crescent kicking the light fixtures. If the Black Beast is described as the genetically perfect heavyweight specimen, I can only assume Tim Sylvia’s brain created Travis Browne as a sort of equal and opposite reaction, so to speak. I worry that if the myths of the Black Beast are true, this persona will suffer the worst for it. Middleweight  Johnny “Bigg Rigg” Hendricks vs.  Hector “Showeather” Lombard The Hendricks personality is perhaps one of the most significant elements in my theory that personalities can be so different in individuals with DID, as he has a severe eating disorder and the mental faculties of an 8-year-old, down from Mr. Sylvia’s typical 10-to-12-year-old range. Johnny, as he likes to be called, tells me he was once the welterweight champion, and he “hits hoard, know what I mean?” However, I have not seen any evidence of this in the two years I have been meeting with the patient. It seems he also eats convulsively and cannot make weight or win fights, which he blames on some unseen other he calls “Mike Dolce.” I am not sure if this Dolce is another personality, I will have to dig deeper. He tells me he dreams of opening a successful steakhouse and fears “the scary unspeakable evil with the terrible long arms,” but he says it is not the Black Beast. The Hector Lombard personality seems to have quite the following on the internet.He is a Cuban refugee, who ran away from his family to have a successful life as a wealthy athlete and somehow believes this makes him a victim of socialism. This personality is fiercely competitive and dishonorable, and willing to do anything it takes to get ahead, whether by doing steroids or fighting Australian cans for a hundred years. Interestingly, “Hector Lombard’s” blood tests positive for HGH and other PEDS, while “Johny Hendricks’” blood only tests positive for beef tallow. Further evidence? Additional research needed. Featherweight  Sam Sicilia vs.  Gavin Tucker Middleweight  Elias Theodorou vs.  Cezar “Mutante” Ferreira Women's Bantamweight  Sara McMann vs. Gina Mazany Lightweight Alessandro Ricci vs.  Paul Felder Sam Sicilia is one of the whinier and least pleasant personalities. I kind of don’t like when he comes to the light very much, if I may editorialize. He talks about his best friend, some homeless fisherman he met in the Pacific Northwest, is going to become the lightweight champion when he isn’t too busy losing to Joe Lauzon by cut stoppage. He did punch my balding angry Swedish-Iranian landlord pretty hard once though, so that was cool. The Elias Theodorou persona is also one that suffers from an additional mental disorder: delusions of grandeur. He seems to believe he is both a softcore porn novel cover model and the Prime Minister of Canada. He is clearly deranged and should not be engaged in these delusions for the sake of himself and all of Mr. Sylvia’s other personalities ,seeing as the body he does occupy is that of a slovenly, morbidly obese syrup chugger. Cezar Mutante believes he was raised by a condom stuffed with genetically modified walnuts with a 10-year-old Alabama trailer park resident’s haircut. Paul Felder has the same haircut that 10-year-old boy’s neighbor. Sara McMann has an Olympic silver medal in wrestling, and yet cannot wrestle. Perhaps there truly are limits to what DID can do. She also won’t stop getting the most awful tattoos when she’s in the light. I truly feel for Mr. Sylvia. Whenever I ask Mr. Sylvia to bring the others listed here to the light, I am most concerned for his mental well being. He simply hands me a link to a website called sherdog.com and his eyes glass over as he emits a ceaselessly long, smelly, whiny fart until someone else takes over. I do not know why he would commit to having a fight card full of personalities when he cannot possibly be assed to fill them with anything worth noting. My research is a lie, this is just a fat idiot. Other personalities to watch FS1 Prelims, 7 p.m. ET Welterweight Nordine Taleb vs. Santiago Ponzinibbio Women's Strawweight Mean Jerk Carla Esparza vs. My Online Girlfriend Randa Markos Bantamweight Aiemann Zahabi vs. Reginaldo Vieira Middleweight Jack Marshman vs. Thiago Santos Fight Pass Prelims, 6:30 p.m. ET Middleweight Gerald Meerschaert vs. Ryan Janes Official MMA Snack Rating: Anya Taylor-Joy, Haley Lu Richardson and Jessica Sula 
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Feb 19, 2017 19:49
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Gay Horney posted:I think they should make Indian food burritos where the tortilla is Nan bread and they have curry and chicken inside. In more of a paste so it doesn't all spill out. Sounds good
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Feb 20, 2017 05:15
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Naan is good as hell, but I like tortillas too.
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Feb 20, 2017 05:21
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Hope yall are ready for 20 more minutes of this.
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Feb 20, 2017 05:52
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Bluedeanie posted:Hope yall are ready for 20 more minutes of this. Haha look at this idiot
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Feb 20, 2017 05:55
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Brian Stann is sweating nervously and hoping Lewis is unfamiliar with his rape allegations.
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Feb 20, 2017 06:01
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I loving know, right? Every morning waking up and realising that you're not one of the good fat fightmen like Hunto or Dos Santos, nor are you one of the likeable entertaining trashweights like Pat Berry or Joey Beltran. No sir, you're four pounds of misfiring motor neurons scraped along the inside of a 230lb Tiki themed turd golem and you're so innately unlikeable that even the notoriously racist PSPMMA will cheer a Brazilian just for hurting you. Every morning the dude probably tries to put the gun in his mouth but accidentally ends up flying crescent kicking it out the window when he gets a fit of The Brownes.
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Feb 20, 2017 06:10
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I know you like to think your posts don't stink, but lean a little bit closer...
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Feb 20, 2017 07:40
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| # ¿ May 1, 2024 00:30 |
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Feb 20, 2017 15:55
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