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The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > ITT we live in small town America
 
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Panfilo
Aug 27, 2011

EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬
"Why don't you have the reception at the Elks Lodge Debbie? Me n the boys'll fix it up. Don't need no fancy eye-pad for playing music, honey, I'll ask Charlie to fire up his accordion. Momma will whip up some hotdish and ambrosia for everybody, you don't have to worry bout a thing. Let me call... Hang on a sec honey.

TOMMY GET OFF THE SHED RIGHT THIS INSTANT! "

* # ¿ Mar 24, 2017 13:26
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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 18:26
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Panfilo
Aug 27, 2011

EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬
If you want to see some distilled small town America chat, read Mike Rowe's Facebook comments section.

* # ¿ Mar 24, 2017 23:05
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Panfilo
Aug 27, 2011

EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

shame on an IGA posted:

*Builds hoard of 10,000+ stolen guns over decades buying them from tweekers

*House is searched persuant to another case by town police who fail to notice they are tripping over literally thousands of guns

*months later is picked up by sheriffs dept on traffic warrant, deputy notices a gun which had been stolen from him

*so many guns are taken into evidence that they had to get the jail work gang to help load them into the 18 wheeler

*becomes national headline

*meanwhile an enormous scandal erupts when the town police chief is forced to resign while being investigated by state-level authorities for reasons unknown which turn out to be telling his officers they didn't see the pile of stolen guns

*brother is pitted against brother in the kind of high intensity battle that only low stakes local politics and academic turf wars can incite

*gun hoarder eventually pleads guilty to 12 felonies, is sentenced to time already served.

Stop stalking my dead grandpa :mad:

* # ¿ Mar 26, 2017 00:45
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Panfilo
Aug 27, 2011

EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬
"I don't know what your problem is, Earl. Those black eyed peas taste fine by me."

* # ¿ Mar 26, 2017 20:50
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Panfilo
Aug 27, 2011

EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬

Bonzo posted:

Let' s eat something a little lighter tonight. How about fish?



Lent.jpg

* # ¿ Mar 28, 2017 16:58
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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 18:26
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Panfilo
Aug 27, 2011

EXISTENCE IS PAIN😬
*Becomes a foster parent to various native American children that were removed from their homes on the nearby reservation*

*Uses money to fill house with crap purchased off QVC*

*Children live a spartan existence, none are potty trained or have verbal skills due to massive neglect*

* # ¿ Mar 29, 2017 01:44
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The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > ITT we live in small town America