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Welcome to the official selection thread for the 2017 Goon Draft! This thread is only for picks. All discussion of picks will be confined to the general thread, found here https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3813894 When you post your pick, please remember to include a picture or two, and to remind the next person that they are on the clock. Edit: Here is No Butt Stuff's spreadsheet showing which of the top prospects have been picked: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/130B79wMsSDVyLDRiqic4XUJRlLFDwTJ-OtU5iHBdlUQ/edit#gid=522664237 Here is the draft order for Round 1: 1. Cleveland Gatts Myles Garrett, DE, Texas A&M 2. San Francisco Coldforge DeShone Kizer, QB, Notre Dame 3. Chicago zimbomonkey Solomon Thomas, DE, Stanford 4. Jacksonville Teva Jonathan Allen, DE, Alabama 5. Tennessee - from Los Angeles Rams Demon Of The Fall Marshon Lattimore, CB, The Ohio State University 6. New York Jets mcmagic Jamal Adams, S, LSU 7. Los Angeles Chargers HOTLANTA MAN Malik Hooker, S, The Ohio State University 8. Carolina TheFlyingLlama Leonard Fournette, RB, LSU 9. Cincinnati No Irish Need Imply Derek Barnett, DE, Tennessee 10. Buffalo fsif Mike Williams, WR, Clemson 11. New Orleans Silly Burrito Reuben Foster, ILB, Alabama 12. Cleveland - from Philadelphia Gatts OJ Howard, TE, Alabama 13. Arizona MrLogan Jabrill Peppers, S, Michigan 14. Philadelphia - from Minnesota 89 Corey Davis, WR, Western Michigan 15. Indianapolis ShakeZula Marlon Humphrey, CB, Alabama 16. Baltimore The Puppy Bowl Taco Charlton, DE, Michigan 17. Washington Beer4TheBeerGod Dalvin Cook, RB, Florida State 18. Tennessee Demon Of The Fall John Ross, WR, Washington 19. Tampa Bay wandler20 David Njoku, TE, Miami 20. Denver a neat cape Cam Robinson, OT, Alabama 21. Detroit Shangri-Law School Haason Reddick, LB, Temple 22. Miami Amy Pole Her Forrest Lamp, OG, Western Kentucky 23. New York Giants Saucer Crab Ryan Ramczyk, OT, Wisconsin 24. Oakland warcrimes Malik McDowell, DL, Michigan State 25. Houston Sad King Billy Garett Bolles, OT, Utah 26. Seattle JIZZ DENOUEMENT Dan Feeney, OG, Indiana 27. Kansas City No Butt Stuff Mitchell Trubisky, QB, North Carolina 28. Dallas incompetent Charles Harris, DE, Missouri 29. Green Bay Abugadu Christian McCaffrey, RB, Stanford 30. Pittsburgh Perry the Platypus Tim Williams, EDGE, Alabama 31. Atlanta pubic works project Zach Cunningham, LB, Vanderbilt 32. New Orleans - from New England Silly Burrito Deshaun Watson, QB, Clemson Round 2 1 (33). Cleveland Gatts Obi Melifonwu, SS, Connecticut 2 (34). San Francisco Coldforge Pat Mahomes, QB, Texas Tech 3 (35). Jacksonville Teva Taylor Moton, OG, Western Michigan 4 (36). Chicago zimbomonkey Gareon Conley, CB, The Ohio State University 5 (37). Los Angeles Rams DariusLikewise Evan Engram, TE, Ole Miss 6 (38). Los Angeles Chargers HOTLANTA MAN Teez Tabor, CB, Florida 7 (39). New York Jets mcmagic Kevin King, CB, Washington 8 (40). Carolina TheFlyingLlama Budda Baker, S, Washington 9 (41). Cincinnati No Irish Need Imply Raekwon McMillan, ILB, The Ohio State University 10 (42). New Orleans Silly Burrito Tre'Davious White, CB, LSU 11 (43). Philadelphia 89 Joe Mixon, RB, Oklahoma 12 (44). Buffalo fsif Adoree' Jackson, CB, USC 13 (45). Arizona MrLogan Sidney Jones, CB, Washington 14 (46). Indianapolis ShakeZula Takkarist McKinley, OLB, UCLA 15 (47). Baltimore The Puppy Bowl Cooper Kupp, WR, Eastern Washington 16 (48). Minnesota Eltoasto Dion Dawkins, OG, Temple 17 (49). Washington Beer4TheBeerGod Jourdan Lewis, CB, Michigan 18 (50). Tampa Bay wandler20 Marcus Williams, S, Utah 19 (51). Denver a neat cape Davis Webb III, QB, California 20 (52). Cleveland from Tennessee Gatts Nathan Peterman, QB, Pittsburgh 21 (53). Detroit Shangri-Law School TJ Watt, LB, Wisconsin 22 (54). Miami Amy Pole Her Jarrad Davis, LB, Florida 23 (55). New York Giants Saucer Crab Adam Shaheen, TE, Ashland 24 (56). Oakland warcrimes Chidobe Awuzie, CB, Colorado 25 (57). Houston Sad King Billy Pat Elflein, OC, The Ohio State University 26 (58). Seattle JIZZ DENOUEMENT Montravius Adams, DT, Auburn 27 (59). Kansas City No Butt Stuff Fabian Moreau, CB, UCLA 28 (60). Dallas incompetent Cordrea Tankersley, CB, Clemson 29 (61). Green Bay Abugadu Quincy Wilson, CB, Florida 30 (62). Pittsburgh Perry the Platypus Justin Evans, Safety, Texas A&M 31 (63). Atlanta pubic works project Caleb Brantley, DT, Florida 32 (64). Carolina - from New England TheFlyingLlama Antonio Garcia, OT, Troy Round 3 1 (65). Cleveland Gatts Chad Hansen, WR, California 2 (66). San Francisco Coldforge Derek Rivers, DE, Youngstown State 3 (67). Chicago zimbomonkey Juju Smith-Schuster, WR, USC 4 (68). Jacksonville Teva Alvin Kamara, RB, Tennessee 5 (69). Los Angeles Rams DariusLikewise Chris Wormley, DE, Michigan 6 (70). New York Jets mcmagic Curtis Samuel, RB, The Ohio State University 7 (71). Los Angeles Chargers HOTLANTA MAN Jaleel Johnson, DT, Iowa 8 (72). New England - from Carolina Detroit_Dogg Fish Smithson, S, Kansas 9 (73). Cincinnati No Irish Need Imply Ethan Pocic, OL, LSU 10 (74). Philadelphia 89 Desmond King, CB, Iowa 11 (75). Buffalo fsif Tyus Bowser, OLB, Houston 12 (76). New Orleans Silly Burrito Jordan Willis, DE, Kansas State 13 (77). Arizona MrLogan Chris Godwin, WR, Penn State 14 (78). Baltimore The Puppy Bowl Jake Butt, TE, Michigan 15 (79). Minnesota Eltoasto Larry Ogunjobi, DT, Charlotte 16 (80). Indianapolis ShakeZula Isaac Asiata, OG, Utah 17 (81). Washington Beer4TheBeerGod Carl Lawson, DE, Auburn 18 (82). Denver a neat cape Nico Siragusa, OG, San Diego State 19 (83). Tennessee Demon of the Fall Jalen-Reeves Maybin, LB, Tennessee 20 (84). Tampa Bay wandler20 Zay Jones, WR, East Carolina 21 (85). Detroit Shangri-Law School Tarell Basham, DE, Ohio 22 (86). Minnesota - from Miami Eltoasto Gerald Everett, TE, South Alabama 23 (87). New York Giants Saucer Crab Dorian Johnson, OG, Pittsburgh 24 (88). Oakland warcrimes Kendell Beckwith, LB, LSU 25 (89). Houston Sad King Billy Marcus Maye, S, Florida 26 (90). Seattle JIZZ DENOUEMENT Ahkello Witherspoon, CB, Colorado 27 (91). Kansas City No Butt Stuff Duke Riley, OLB, LSU 28 (92). Dallas incompetent Josh Jones, S, NC State 29 (93). Green Bay Abugadu Erik Magnuson, OG, Michigan 30 (94). Pittsburgh Perry the Platypus Alex Anzalone, ILB, Florida 31 (95). Atlanta pubic works project Bucky Hodges, TE, Virginia Tech 32 (96). New England Detroit_Dogg Fred Ross, WR, Mississippi State 33 (97). Miami (Compensatory Selection) Amy Pole Her Carlos Watkins, DT, Clemson 34 (98). Carolina (Compensatory Selection) TheFlyingLlama Dalvin Tomlinson, DT, Alabama 35 (99). Baltimore (Compensatory Selection) The Puppy Bowl Corn Elder, CB, Miami 36 (100). Tennessee - from Los Angeles Rams (Compensatory Selection) Demon of the Fall Tanoh Kpassagnon, DE, Villanova 37 (101). Denver (Compensatory Selection) a neat cape Eddie Vanderdoes, DT, UCLA 38 (102). Seattle (Compensatory Selection) JIZZ DENOUEMENT Roderick Johnson, OT, Florida State 39 (103). New Orleans - from New England through Cleveland (Compensatory Selection) Silly Burrito David Sharpe, OT, Florida 40 (104). Kansas City (Compensatory Selection) No Butt Stuff Ryan Anderson, OLB, Alabama 41 (105). Pittsburgh (Compensatory Selection) Perry the Platypus Marlon Mack, RB, USF 42 (106). Seattle (Compensatory Selection) JIZZ DENOUEMENT ArDarius Stewart, WR, Alabama 43 (107). New York Jets (Compensatory Selection) mcmagic Brandon Barnes, TE Alabama St Round 4 1 (108). Cleveland Gatts Colin Holba, LS, Louisville 2 (109). San Francisco Coldforge Dede Westbrook, WR, Oklahoma 3 (110). Jacksonville Teva Demarcus Walker, DE, Florida St 4 (111). Chicago zimbomonkey Davon Godchaux, DT, LSU 5 (112). Los Angeles Rams DariusLikewise Malachi Dupre, WR, LSU 6 (113). Los Angeles Chargers HOTLANTA MAN Amara Darboh, WR, Michigan 7 (114). Washington - from New York Jets Beer4TheBeerGod Rasul Douglas, CB, West Virginia 8 (115). Carolina TheFlyingLlama Trey Hendrickson, DE, Florida Atlantic 9 (116). Cincinnati NoIrishNeedImply Josh Reynolds, WR, Texas A&M 10 (117). Chicago - from Buffalo zimbomonkey Shaq Griffin, CB, UCF 12 (118). Philadelphia 89 Cameron Sutton, CB, Tennessee 13 (119). Arizona MrLogan Brad Kaaya, QB, Miami 14 (120). Minnesota Eltoasto Samaje Perine, RB, Oklahoma 15 (121). Indianapolis ShakeZula Connor Harris, ILB, Lindenwood 16 (122). Baltimore The Puppy Bowl D'onta Foreman, RB, Texas 17 (123). Washington Beer4TheBeerGod Carlos Henderson, WR, Louisiana Tech 18 (124). Tennessee Demon of the Fall Joshua Dobbs, QB, Tennessee 19 (125). Tampa Bay wandler20 Kareem Hunt, RB, Toledo 20 (126). Denver a neat cape Jordan Leggett, TE, Clemson 21 (127). Detroit Shangri-Law School George Kittle, TE, Iowa 22 (128). Minnesota - from Miami Eltoasto Vince Biegel, OLB, Wisconsin 23 (129). Oakland warcrimes Tedric Thompson, FS, Colorado 24 (130). Houston Sad King Billy Damontae Kazee, CB, San Diego State 25. (131). New England - from Seattle (Forfeited) Detroit_Dogg Jake Elliott, K, Memphis 26 (132). Kansas City No Butt Stuff Wayne Gallman, RB, Clemson 27 (133). Dallas incompetent Deatrich Wise Jr., DE, Arkansas 28 (134). Green Bay Abugadu Zach Banner, OL, USC 29 (135). Pittsburgh Perry the Platypus Noah Brown, WR, The Ohio State University 30 (136). Atlanta pubic works project Danny Isidora, OG, University of Miami 31 (137). Indianapolis - from New England ShakeZula Howard Wilson, CB, Houston 32 (138). Cincinnati (Compensatory Selection) No Irish Need Imply John Connor, RB, Pittsburgh 33 (139). Philadelphia - from Cleveland (Compensatory Selection) 89 Joe Mathis, DL, Washington 34 (140). New York Giants Saucer Crab Vincent Taylor, DT, Oklahoma State 35 (141). Los Angeles Rams (Compensatory Selection) DariusLikewise Jeremy McNichols, RB, Boise State 36 (142). Houston - from Cleveland (Compensatory Selection) Sad King Billy Anthony Walker Jr, LB, NorthWestern 37 (143). San Francisco (Compensatory Selection) Coldforge Jeremy Sprinkle, TE, Arkansas 38 (144). Indianapolis (Compensatory Selection) ShakeZula Jonnu Smith, TE, Florida International Gatts and the Cleveland Browns are on the clock! ShakeZula fucked around with this message at 00:52 on Apr 28, 2017 |
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Mar 24, 2017 01:49
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With the first pick of the 2017 Goon Draft the Cleveland Browns select Myles Garrett DE, Texas A&M  Seen here in his environment, he is majestic as he is pretty like a pony Coldforge and the San Frans are on clockage...
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Mar 24, 2017 04:18
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With the second overall pick, the San Francisco 49ers take, at the insistence of their owner: QB DeShone Kizer, Notre Dame.  Zimbomonkey and the Bears are up.
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Mar 24, 2017 09:04
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With the third pick of the 2017 NFL draft, the Chicago Bears select Solomon Thomas, DE, Stanford (Formatting and picture to come) Apparently the jaguars were up next because I'm an idiot zimbomonkey fucked around with this message at 04:04 on Mar 25, 2017 |
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Mar 24, 2017 22:02
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With the 4th overall pick the Jaguars select Jonathan Allen from Alabama. Tennessee - from Los Angeles Rams - is next. Demon Of The Fall you are on the clock. Teva fucked around with this message at 22:41 on Mar 24, 2017 |
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Mar 24, 2017 22:31
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With the fifth overall pick in the 2017 NFL Draft, the Tennessee Titans select CB Marshon Lattimore, Ohio State. McMagic and the New York Jets are on the clock. Demon Of The Fall fucked around with this message at 03:02 on Mar 25, 2017 |
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Mar 25, 2017 02:52
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The #suckforsam Jets take Jamal Adams. Safety LSU
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Mar 25, 2017 19:39
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With the 7th pick in the 2017 NFL draft, the loving Chargers (gently caress them) select Malik Hooker, S from An Ohio State University TheFlyingLlama and the Carolina Panthers are on the clock.
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Mar 25, 2017 22:33
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With the 8th pick in the 2017 NFL draft, the Carolina Panthers select Leonard Fournette, running back from Louisiana State University  No Irish Need Imply and the Bengals are up
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Mar 25, 2017 22:47
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Bengals select Derek Barnett, DE, Tennessee Buffalo/fsif is next
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Mar 25, 2017 23:56
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Buffalo selects Mike Williams, WR, Clemson. Silly Burrito and the Saints' turn.
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Mar 26, 2017 17:49
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The Saints select Ehud, Jack of all trades, SA University So excited to get drafted, he crapped! - So happy  - Look at those measurables - A obvious family manBetter prospect than Christian McCaffrey Wonderlic score: 9 Wait...Mickey Loomis has an announcement:  "I've just been informed by Commissioner Goodell that Ehud never formally declared for the NFL draft, therefore he is ineligible. Thus, the Saints decide to draft the best linebacker Alabama has ever produced, the best pure football player in the draft, and the most complete linebacker in the nation: Reuben Foster, ILB, Alabama"  - Ouch - Double Ouch - Thrilled to be on the Saints DSorry Ehud.  Gatts, you and the Browns are up.
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Mar 26, 2017 20:24
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With the 12th pick in the 2017 NFL Draft the Cleveland Browns pick O.J. Howard, Tightest of Ends from Alabama because SOMEONE stole Foster from under them...grumble mumble. Seen here making a bitch out of his opponent who cannot help himself but be drawn to his groin area like a magnet and hopefully this will translate to the NFL. Mr. Logan is up for Arizona.
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Mar 26, 2017 22:03
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In the first round of the 2017 Goon Draft, the Arizona Cardinals select: Jabrill Peppers, SS, Michigan.  89 and the Eagles are on the clock. MrLogan fucked around with this message at 01:03 on Mar 27, 2017 |
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Mar 26, 2017 22:07
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In the first rounnnnnnd of the Goon Drafftttt...the Philadelphia Eagles select.. Corey Davis, WR, West Michigan 
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Mar 27, 2017 03:17
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With the 15th pick in the 2017 Goon Draft, the Indianapolis Colts select Marlon Humphrey, CB, Alabama  The Baltimore Ravens and The Puppy Bowl are on the clock
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Mar 27, 2017 03:35
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With the 16th pick the 2017 NFL Goon Draft, the Baltimore Ravens select: Taco Charlton, DE, Michigan The Washington "Football Team" and Beer4TheBeerGods are on the clock.
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Mar 27, 2017 04:38
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With the 17th pick in the 2017 Goon Draft, the Washington Clusterfuck selects Dalvin Cook, Running Back, Florida State University. Tennessee and Demon Of The Fall are on the clock.
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Mar 27, 2017 06:51
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With the 18th pick in the 2017 NFL Draft, the Tennessee Titans select WR John Ross, Washington. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Wandler20 are on the clock.
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Mar 27, 2017 17:34
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With the 19th pick in the 2017 Goon NFL Draft, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers select, David Njoku, TE, Miami. a neat cape and the Denver Broncos are on the clock.
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Mar 27, 2017 18:46
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With the 20th pick in the Goon Draft, the Denver Broncos, suprised and elated that no one on this loving forum of all places has picked an offensive lineman yet, select Cam Robinson, LT, Alabama
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Mar 28, 2017 05:06
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With the 21st pick in the 2017 Goon Draft, the Detroit Lions, who need a linebacker in the worst way, pick Haason Reddick, LB, Temple loving Owls. Amy Pole Her and the Miami Dolphins are on the clock.
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Mar 28, 2017 06:29
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Miami Dolphins select Forrest Lamp, Guard, because Detroit sucks
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Mar 28, 2017 15:42
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With the 23rd pick in the 2017 Goon Draft, the New York Giants select Ryan Ramczyk, OT, Wisconsin.
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Mar 28, 2017 16:03
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For your listening pleasure while reading: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPLmxtiVOe0 With the 24th pick in the 2017 Goon Draft, the Mojave Raiders select Malik McDowell, DT, from Michigan State. McDowell pictured here pointing the way to Pirate's Booty.  The new Black Hole celebrates the pick 
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Mar 28, 2017 21:12
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With the 25th pick in the Goon Draft, the Houston Texans select Garett Bolles OT from University of Utah  The Seattle Seahawks and Jizz Denoument are now on the clock.
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Mar 28, 2017 21:25
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With the 26th pick in the 2017 Goon Draft, the Seattle Seahawks select Dan Feeney, OG, Indiana. Kansas City and No Butt Stuff are now on the clock.
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Mar 29, 2017 01:58
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With the 27th pick, the Kansas City Chiefs select Mitchell Trubisky, QB, UNC https://gfycat.com/UntimelyDefiniteHookersealion Dallas and incompetent are on the clock
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Mar 29, 2017 15:55
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With the 28th pick in the 2017 Goon Draft, the Dallas Cowboys select Charles Harris, DE, Missouri Green Bay Packers and Abugadu are on the clock.
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Mar 29, 2017 16:42
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With the 29th pick in the 2017 Goon Draft, the Green Bay Packers take a look at what's left, sigh deeply and disappointedly, and select Christian McCaffrey, white RB, Stanford. [image]insert picture of horrifically white person here[/image] Perry the Platypus and Pittsburgh are on the clock. Abugadu fucked around with this message at 01:25 on Mar 30, 2017 |
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Mar 30, 2017 01:21
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With the 30th pick, the Steelers select [b] Tim Williams, EDGE, Trivago!  pubic works project and the Falcons are up Perry the Platypus fucked around with this message at 20:40 on Mar 30, 2017 |
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Mar 30, 2017 19:01
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**No Fun League Commissioner Roger Goodell walks up to the podium to a roar of boos.** With the 31st pick in the 2017 NFL Draft...the Atlanta Falcons select....Zach Cunningham, OLB, Vanderbilt.. /cdn0.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/53054043/611828030.0.jpg) BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! New Orleans and Silly Burrito are on the clock.
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Mar 30, 2017 22:30
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With the 32nd pick in the NFL Draft that has not yet been traded for Malcolm Butler, the New Orleans Saints start their own Farve/Rodgers drama and select their quarterback of the future. Welcome the Bamaslayer, Deshaun Watson, QB, Clemson.  Round 2, Mr. Gatts. Round 2. Silly Burrito fucked around with this message at 22:50 on Mar 30, 2017 |
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Mar 30, 2017 22:40
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With the first pick of round 2 the Cleveland Browns scratch their heads and over-reach for OBI MELIFONWU, SS, Connecticut. Seen here on TV. Coldforge and San Fran is up.
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Mar 30, 2017 23:08
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With the 2nd pick of the 2nd round in the 18th year of the 2nd millennium, in this goon-run NFL draft, the San Francisco Forty Niners, having appeased their idiot child CEO and his Notre Dame alumnus whining, take the QB they actually want, Pat Mahomes, QB Texas Tech. Jacksonville is apparently a real place, and for some reason has a professional football team, and Teva gets to pick for them next.
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Mar 30, 2017 23:24
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The Wheel of Time turns, and Ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legend fades to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again. In one age, called the year of our lord 2017 by some, the Jacksonville Jaguars selected a guard by the name of Taylor Moton out of Western Michigan with the 3rd pick in the 2nd round of the illustrious NFL Draft. The pick was not the beginning, as there are no beginnings and endings to the turning of the Wheel of Time, but it was a beginning. And then he sucked. Chicago and zimbomonkey, you're up.
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Mar 31, 2017 00:01
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With the fourth pick of the second round, the Chicago Bears shrug, throw a dart at the wall, and select Gareon Conley, CB, OSU Darius Likewise and the LA Rams are on the clock
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Mar 31, 2017 15:57
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With the 37th overall pick GOFF NEEDS WEAPONS and the Los Angeles Rams select Evan Engram, TE, Ole Miss HOTLANTA MAN and the other LA Team are on the clock
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Mar 31, 2017 16:38
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With the 38th pick of the 2017 Goon Draft The Dean Spanish gently caress Machine selects Teez Tabor, CB from the University of Florida mcmagic and the Jets are on the clock
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Mar 31, 2017 17:33
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With the 39th pick the Jets select Kevin King, CB Washington.  TheFlyingLlama and the Panthers are up next.
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Mar 31, 2017 18:29
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