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ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

Welcome to the official selection thread for the 2017 Goon Draft! This thread is only for picks. All discussion of picks will be confined to the general thread, found here

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3813894

When you post your pick, please remember to include a picture or two, and to remind the next person that they are on the clock.

Edit: Here is No Butt Stuff's spreadsheet showing which of the top prospects have been picked: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/130B79wMsSDVyLDRiqic4XUJRlLFDwTJ-OtU5iHBdlUQ/edit#gid=522664237

Here is the draft order for Round 1:

1. Cleveland Gatts Myles Garrett, DE, Texas A&M
2. San Francisco Coldforge DeShone Kizer, QB, Notre Dame
3. Chicago zimbomonkey Solomon Thomas, DE, Stanford
4. Jacksonville Teva Jonathan Allen, DE, Alabama
5. Tennessee - from Los Angeles Rams Demon Of The Fall Marshon Lattimore, CB, The Ohio State University
6. New York Jets mcmagic Jamal Adams, S, LSU
7. Los Angeles Chargers HOTLANTA MAN Malik Hooker, S, The Ohio State University
8. Carolina TheFlyingLlama Leonard Fournette, RB, LSU
9. Cincinnati No Irish Need Imply Derek Barnett, DE, Tennessee
10. Buffalo fsif Mike Williams, WR, Clemson
11. New Orleans Silly Burrito Reuben Foster, ILB, Alabama
12. Cleveland - from Philadelphia Gatts OJ Howard, TE, Alabama
13. Arizona MrLogan Jabrill Peppers, S, Michigan
14. Philadelphia - from Minnesota 89 Corey Davis, WR, Western Michigan
15. Indianapolis ShakeZula Marlon Humphrey, CB, Alabama
16. Baltimore The Puppy Bowl Taco Charlton, DE, Michigan
17. Washington Beer4TheBeerGod Dalvin Cook, RB, Florida State
18. Tennessee Demon Of The Fall John Ross, WR, Washington
19. Tampa Bay wandler20 David Njoku, TE, Miami
20. Denver a neat cape Cam Robinson, OT, Alabama
21. Detroit Shangri-Law School Haason Reddick, LB, Temple
22. Miami Amy Pole Her Forrest Lamp, OG, Western Kentucky
23. New York Giants Saucer Crab Ryan Ramczyk, OT, Wisconsin
24. Oakland warcrimes Malik McDowell, DL, Michigan State
25. Houston Sad King Billy Garett Bolles, OT, Utah
26. Seattle JIZZ DENOUEMENT Dan Feeney, OG, Indiana
27. Kansas City No Butt Stuff Mitchell Trubisky, QB, North Carolina
28. Dallas incompetent Charles Harris, DE, Missouri
29. Green Bay Abugadu Christian McCaffrey, RB, Stanford
30. Pittsburgh Perry the Platypus Tim Williams, EDGE, Alabama
31. Atlanta pubic works project Zach Cunningham, LB, Vanderbilt
32. New Orleans - from New England Silly Burrito Deshaun Watson, QB, Clemson

Round 2

1 (33). Cleveland Gatts Obi Melifonwu, SS, Connecticut
2 (34). San Francisco Coldforge Pat Mahomes, QB, Texas Tech
3 (35). Jacksonville Teva Taylor Moton, OG, Western Michigan
4 (36). Chicago zimbomonkey Gareon Conley, CB, The Ohio State University
5 (37). Los Angeles Rams DariusLikewise Evan Engram, TE, Ole Miss
6 (38). Los Angeles Chargers HOTLANTA MAN Teez Tabor, CB, Florida
7 (39). New York Jets mcmagic Kevin King, CB, Washington
8 (40). Carolina TheFlyingLlama Budda Baker, S, Washington
9 (41). Cincinnati No Irish Need Imply Raekwon McMillan, ILB, The Ohio State University
10 (42). New Orleans Silly Burrito Tre'Davious White, CB, LSU
11 (43). Philadelphia 89 Joe Mixon, RB, Oklahoma
12 (44). Buffalo fsif Adoree' Jackson, CB, USC
13 (45). Arizona MrLogan Sidney Jones, CB, Washington
14 (46). Indianapolis ShakeZula Takkarist McKinley, OLB, UCLA
15 (47). Baltimore The Puppy Bowl Cooper Kupp, WR, Eastern Washington
16 (48). Minnesota Eltoasto Dion Dawkins, OG, Temple
17 (49). Washington Beer4TheBeerGod Jourdan Lewis, CB, Michigan
18 (50). Tampa Bay wandler20 Marcus Williams, S, Utah
19 (51). Denver a neat cape Davis Webb III, QB, California
20 (52). Cleveland from Tennessee Gatts Nathan Peterman, QB, Pittsburgh
21 (53). Detroit Shangri-Law School TJ Watt, LB, Wisconsin
22 (54). Miami Amy Pole Her Jarrad Davis, LB, Florida
23 (55). New York Giants Saucer Crab Adam Shaheen, TE, Ashland
24 (56). Oakland warcrimes Chidobe Awuzie, CB, Colorado
25 (57). Houston Sad King Billy Pat Elflein, OC, The Ohio State University
26 (58). Seattle JIZZ DENOUEMENT Montravius Adams, DT, Auburn
27 (59). Kansas City No Butt Stuff Fabian Moreau, CB, UCLA
28 (60). Dallas incompetent Cordrea Tankersley, CB, Clemson
29 (61). Green Bay Abugadu Quincy Wilson, CB, Florida
30 (62). Pittsburgh Perry the Platypus Justin Evans, Safety, Texas A&M
31 (63). Atlanta pubic works project Caleb Brantley, DT, Florida
32 (64). Carolina - from New England TheFlyingLlama Antonio Garcia, OT, Troy

Round 3

1 (65). Cleveland Gatts Chad Hansen, WR, California
2 (66). San Francisco Coldforge Derek Rivers, DE, Youngstown State
3 (67). Chicago zimbomonkey Juju Smith-Schuster, WR, USC
4 (68). Jacksonville Teva Alvin Kamara, RB, Tennessee
5 (69). Los Angeles Rams DariusLikewise Chris Wormley, DE, Michigan
6 (70). New York Jets mcmagic Curtis Samuel, RB, The Ohio State University
7 (71). Los Angeles Chargers HOTLANTA MAN Jaleel Johnson, DT, Iowa
8 (72). New England - from Carolina Detroit_Dogg Fish Smithson, S, Kansas
9 (73). Cincinnati No Irish Need Imply Ethan Pocic, OL, LSU
10 (74). Philadelphia 89 Desmond King, CB, Iowa
11 (75). Buffalo fsif Tyus Bowser, OLB, Houston
12 (76). New Orleans Silly Burrito Jordan Willis, DE, Kansas State
13 (77). Arizona MrLogan Chris Godwin, WR, Penn State
14 (78). Baltimore The Puppy Bowl Jake Butt, TE, Michigan
15 (79). Minnesota Eltoasto Larry Ogunjobi, DT, Charlotte
16 (80). Indianapolis ShakeZula Isaac Asiata, OG, Utah
17 (81). Washington Beer4TheBeerGod Carl Lawson, DE, Auburn
18 (82). Denver a neat cape Nico Siragusa, OG, San Diego State
19 (83). Tennessee Demon of the Fall Jalen-Reeves Maybin, LB, Tennessee
20 (84). Tampa Bay wandler20 Zay Jones, WR, East Carolina
21 (85). Detroit Shangri-Law School Tarell Basham, DE, Ohio
22 (86). Minnesota - from Miami Eltoasto Gerald Everett, TE, South Alabama
23 (87). New York Giants Saucer Crab Dorian Johnson, OG, Pittsburgh
24 (88). Oakland warcrimes Kendell Beckwith, LB, LSU
25 (89). Houston Sad King Billy Marcus Maye, S, Florida
26 (90). Seattle JIZZ DENOUEMENT Ahkello Witherspoon, CB, Colorado
27 (91). Kansas City No Butt Stuff Duke Riley, OLB, LSU
28 (92). Dallas incompetent Josh Jones, S, NC State
29 (93). Green Bay Abugadu Erik Magnuson, OG, Michigan
30 (94). Pittsburgh Perry the Platypus Alex Anzalone, ILB, Florida
31 (95). Atlanta pubic works project Bucky Hodges, TE, Virginia Tech
32 (96). New England Detroit_Dogg Fred Ross, WR, Mississippi State
33 (97). Miami (Compensatory Selection) Amy Pole Her Carlos Watkins, DT, Clemson
34 (98). Carolina (Compensatory Selection) TheFlyingLlama Dalvin Tomlinson, DT, Alabama
35 (99). Baltimore (Compensatory Selection) The Puppy Bowl Corn Elder, CB, Miami
36 (100). Tennessee - from Los Angeles Rams (Compensatory Selection) Demon of the Fall Tanoh Kpassagnon, DE, Villanova
37 (101). Denver (Compensatory Selection) a neat cape Eddie Vanderdoes, DT, UCLA
38 (102). Seattle (Compensatory Selection) JIZZ DENOUEMENT Roderick Johnson, OT, Florida State
39 (103). New Orleans - from New England through Cleveland (Compensatory Selection) Silly Burrito David Sharpe, OT, Florida
40 (104). Kansas City (Compensatory Selection) No Butt Stuff Ryan Anderson, OLB, Alabama
41 (105). Pittsburgh (Compensatory Selection) Perry the Platypus Marlon Mack, RB, USF
42 (106). Seattle (Compensatory Selection) JIZZ DENOUEMENT ArDarius Stewart, WR, Alabama
43 (107). New York Jets (Compensatory Selection) mcmagic Brandon Barnes, TE Alabama St

Round 4

1 (108). Cleveland Gatts Colin Holba, LS, Louisville
2 (109). San Francisco Coldforge Dede Westbrook, WR, Oklahoma
3 (110). Jacksonville Teva Demarcus Walker, DE, Florida St
4 (111). Chicago zimbomonkey Davon Godchaux, DT, LSU
5 (112). Los Angeles Rams DariusLikewise Malachi Dupre, WR, LSU
6 (113). Los Angeles Chargers HOTLANTA MAN Amara Darboh, WR, Michigan
7 (114). Washington - from New York Jets Beer4TheBeerGod Rasul Douglas, CB, West Virginia
8 (115). Carolina TheFlyingLlama Trey Hendrickson, DE, Florida Atlantic
9 (116). Cincinnati NoIrishNeedImply Josh Reynolds, WR, Texas A&M
10 (117). Chicago - from Buffalo zimbomonkey Shaq Griffin, CB, UCF
12 (118). Philadelphia 89 Cameron Sutton, CB, Tennessee
13 (119). Arizona MrLogan Brad Kaaya, QB, Miami
14 (120). Minnesota Eltoasto Samaje Perine, RB, Oklahoma
15 (121). Indianapolis ShakeZula Connor Harris, ILB, Lindenwood
16 (122). Baltimore The Puppy Bowl D'onta Foreman, RB, Texas
17 (123). Washington Beer4TheBeerGod Carlos Henderson, WR, Louisiana Tech
18 (124). Tennessee Demon of the Fall Joshua Dobbs, QB, Tennessee
19 (125). Tampa Bay wandler20 Kareem Hunt, RB, Toledo
20 (126). Denver a neat cape Jordan Leggett, TE, Clemson
21 (127). Detroit Shangri-Law School George Kittle, TE, Iowa
22 (128). Minnesota - from Miami Eltoasto Vince Biegel, OLB, Wisconsin
23 (129). Oakland warcrimes Tedric Thompson, FS, Colorado
24 (130). Houston Sad King Billy Damontae Kazee, CB, San Diego State
25. (131). New England - from Seattle (Forfeited) Detroit_Dogg Jake Elliott, K, Memphis
26 (132). Kansas City No Butt Stuff Wayne Gallman, RB, Clemson
27 (133). Dallas incompetent Deatrich Wise Jr., DE, Arkansas
28 (134). Green Bay Abugadu Zach Banner, OL, USC
29 (135). Pittsburgh Perry the Platypus Noah Brown, WR, The Ohio State University
30 (136). Atlanta pubic works project Danny Isidora, OG, University of Miami
31 (137). Indianapolis - from New England ShakeZula Howard Wilson, CB, Houston
32 (138). Cincinnati (Compensatory Selection) No Irish Need Imply John Connor, RB, Pittsburgh
33 (139). Philadelphia - from Cleveland (Compensatory Selection) 89 Joe Mathis, DL, Washington
34 (140). New York Giants Saucer Crab  Vincent Taylor, DT, Oklahoma State
35 (141). Los Angeles Rams (Compensatory Selection) DariusLikewise Jeremy McNichols, RB, Boise State
36 (142). Houston - from Cleveland (Compensatory Selection) Sad King Billy Anthony Walker Jr, LB, NorthWestern
37 (143). San Francisco (Compensatory Selection) Coldforge Jeremy Sprinkle, TE, Arkansas
38 (144). Indianapolis (Compensatory Selection) ShakeZula Jonnu Smith, TE, Florida International


Gatts and the Cleveland Browns are on the clock!

ShakeZula fucked around with this message at 00:52 on Apr 28, 2017

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ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

With the 15th pick in the 2017 Goon Draft, the Indianapolis Colts select Marlon Humphrey, CB, Alabama





The Baltimore Ravens and The Puppy Bowl are on the clock

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

With the 46th pick in the 2017 Goon Draft, the Indianapolis Colts absolutely sprint to the podium and select

Takkarist McKinley, OLB, UCLA





The Baltimore Ravens and The Puppy Bowl are on the clock

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

With the 72nd pick in the Goon Draft, the New England Patriots select Fish Smithson, S, Kansas

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

With the 80th pick in the 2017 Goon Draft, the Indianapolis Colts select Isaac Asiata, OG, Utah



Beer4TheBeerGod and the Washington Redskins are on the clock

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

With the 90th pick of the 2017 Goon Draft, the Seattle Seahawks have empowered the commissioner to announce their pick: Ahkello Witherspoon, CB, Colorado



No Butt Stuff and the Kansas City Chiefs are on the clock

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

With the 96th pick, the New England Patriots realize they're overmatched by all these other skilled GMs and in their blind panic are barely able to stammer out the name of Fred Ross, WR, Mississippi State



Amy Pole Her and the Miami Dolphins are on the clock

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

The Miami Dolphins amend their earlier pick and select Carlos Watkins, DT, Clemson


a neat cape and the Broncos are on the clock

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

With the 101st pick, the Denver Broncos use all of the clock to select Eddie Vanderdoes, DT, UCLA



JIZZ DENOUEMENT and the Seattle Seahawks are on the clock

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

With the 106th pick, the Seattle Seahawks select ArDarius Stewart, WR, Alabama


mcmagic and the New York Jets are on the clock

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

With the 15th pick in the 4th round of the 2017 Goon Draft, the Indianapolis Colts select Connor Harris, ILB, Lindenwood



The Puppy Bowl and the Baltimore Ravens are on the clock

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

With the 126th pick in the 2017 Goon Draft the Denver Broncos select Jordan Leggett, TE, Clemson


Shangri-Law School and the Detroit Lions are on the clock

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

Like hell they are

With the 131st pick in he 2017 NFL Goon Draft, the New England Patriots select Jake Elliott, K, Memphis

No Butt Stuff and the Kansas City Chiefs are on the clock

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

With the 135th pick in the 2017 Goon Draft the Pittsburgh Steelers select Noah Brown, WR, The Ohio State University


pubic works project and the Atlanta Falcons are on the clock

ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

With the 137th pick in the 2017 Goon Draft the Indianapolis Colts select Howard Wilson, CB, Houston

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ShakeZula
Jun 17, 2003

Nobody move and nobody gets hurt.

With the 143rd and FINAL pick in the 2017 Goon Draft, the Indianapolis Colts select Jonnu Smith, TE, Florida International

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