NieR: Automata - For the Glory of Mankind - The Something Awful Forums

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... 9S. 9S, is my mind in the gutter or are these robots trying to bone...?

Carry. Me. Carryyyy.

They don�t have any feelings. They�re just imitating human speech. Let�s take them out.

Love. Love. Love. Love.

Oh... it�s you... Huh. So umm... we�re just gonna go, if that�s cool with you...? You all uhh... you all seem to have a whole THING going on here and err... well... this ain�t android business, is that I�m saying...

Oh, thank goodness. Everyone stops simulating sex, being a baby and child care and decides to get back to fightin�. That�s something I can understand. Let�s do this thing!

Everyone attacks at once. The machine we�d been pursing across the Desert Housing unceremoniously is destroyed in the fray. That�s it exploding right there. RIP, speedy little guy late for the err... robo-orgy... There�s an infinite amount of machines pouring into this arena for the duration of this fight. It can get to be a complete chaotic clusterfuck of destruction and emotions. Wait...

Kill! Destroy!

I love you! Kill!

Hatred! Pain!

Slaughter!

This. Cannot. Continue.

This. Cannot. Continue.

Music: Ends.

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Umm...?

Guys, get down from there! You�re gonna hurt yourselves! What are you even trying to do?

...No, serious. What the gently caress are you doing? Hmm... Well, ya know... Looking at it. I�m sorta getting like an uhh... a real endgame Parasite Eve vibe from this whole pulsating gooey mass... thing... So umm... wait... is this a...?

...

...

...Well that�s just lewd looking. But surely, this isn�t a r�

...OK. Yeah. That was a giant robot womb that just opened a giant robot vagina and plopped out a naked man. I... Yeah... I... Okay... So... _{_{_Drakengard!}}

No! This... this is a machine!

Bet you didn�t think this desert investigation would end in a robot orgy resulting in the birth of a dickless nude Sephiroth, now did ya? I sure as poo poo didn�t!

Tune in next time in which we do have a chat with Adam the Machine Man. I'm sure it'll be a civil discussion of the geopolitical proxy war follies of the conflict between between humanity and the aliens.

Video: Episode 15 Highlight Reel (You should watch this.)
NOTE: 100% at least watch this part!

Desert Residence Concept Art � One of the first pieces of concept art released for the game. Admittedly, it�s a pretty cool shot.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 21:45 on Apr 22, 2017

# ¿ Apr 21, 2017 21:33

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# ¿ May 13, 2024 20:57

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
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know
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THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

cant cook creole bream posted:

What are you talking about? There are no robots. Only Androids and Machines which is something entirely distinct.
And the times he used the word Android where entirely correct.

Nah. I hosed up using android a couple times and fixed it.

Now if someone starts giving me poo poo for calling every last one of these idiots on both sides robots, then I don't know what to tell you. They all look the same to me from up here on the moon. :v:

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 23:04 on Apr 21, 2017

# ¿ Apr 21, 2017 22:59

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode XVI: None Wang Angel

Where were we...? Ah yes. The machines just merged together and birthed a Ken Doll Sephiroth. That�s a kinda sentence you don�t type very often.

New Music: Birth of a Wish (This Cannot Continue) (Go listen to this right now!)

Meet Adam. I�m sure there�s nothing to read into with that moniker. Nothing the machines do means anything, right? For all we know they�ve just gotten their hands on some archives detailing Final Fantasy VII and there�s dickless Vincent Valentine being birthed two towns over. Hmm... Mulling that over, we should probably kill this dude immediately.

Having only just been birthed, Adam is but a Level 1 baby and isn�t immediately hostile. He looks somewhat confused, really. Regardless, after a couple of seconds 9S will attack if 2B doesn�t since he's totally not into anything that is transpiring in this weird robot sex dungeon.

We should PROBABLY follow suit and murder the poo poo out of this guy before he becomes a thre�wait, did he just level up? Machines aren�t supposed to do that. That�s an android thing. You�re breaking gameplay conventions!

Okay, my dude. You�re going to need to bulk up to about twice the size before you can even begin attempting a snarling stance like that and come off as the least bit threatening. And even then, it�s not happening with the Sadako meets 80s anime villain hairdo you�re rocking at the moment.

Why...fight...?

Well, at the moment it�s mostly because you�re now Level 3 and have learned to lightning karate kick with Chun Li�s hundred leg kick follow-up. Diplomacy has obviously failed when you�re busting out fighting game moves.

Also, you�re continuing to level up without grinding enemies and that means you have access to some manner of Cheat Engine functionality or the like. Androids cannot abide by anyone who�d hack in bogus stats to gain an advantage in a duel. I hope you enjoy your getting the machine lifeforms� shared account VAC banned after we murder you, chief.

Projectile...deflect...

I think he�s... evolving. We�d better finish this quick!

Now that he�s Level 5, Adam has gained the ability to summon a temporary shield. If 2B or 9S fires upon the shield for a couple seconds, Adam will outright parry the shots and fling them back in their direction.

This shield will also parry melee attacks. Time will briefly freeze and he�ll immediately follow-up with a quick hit towards 2B or 9S. It�s possible to perfect dodge if we�re quick. But it�s probably best just not to attack him when he�s got a weird time displacement bubble in general. Not that we can tell 9S to do the same. He REALLY isn�t into this guy.

He�s also learned to string together some of his kick attacks to form basic combos. Instead of just spamming the one decent attack he knows over and over like most novice fighting game players. Aww beans, he is learning. Soon he�ll figure out wake-up attacks and dodge cancelling.

Adam also has a secondary shield that just blocks everything, including Pod Program shots, if we get cheeky wailing on him too often from afar. He even gets smart enough to lower his shield and put up the parry one if we run in to switch to melee attacks.

After Adam drops to 50% health, he decides to Level Up again and switch tactics...

Also he can teleport now. So that�s new and probably worth a mention. I don�t recall there being talk of machine lifeforms being able to teleport. Spawn abruptly from the heavens and drop from the sky for a fight, sure. But actual teleportation seems like a recent development.

Adam also learned down, forward, punch is a Hadoken and is already spamming them non-stop. This dude is fast learner. God help us all if he learns command throws. There is NOTHING more undignified than getting a spinning pile-driver from a nude Sephiroth. That poo poo scars you for life.

The fast learning man-machine has learned to dodge and will warp out of the way from Pod Program�s laser fire or too many concentrated hits from the Gatling or missiles. At least occasionally. He�ll still eat a number before teleporting to another out of reach area.

Since Hadokens were evidentially not enough firepower, Level 7 Adam also learned the technique of semi-tracking ground explosions. That�s a classic play out of the 2D platformer boss book. He�d better not be reading up on other genres now. I am uninstalling this game and abandoning the LP if he starts busting out rhythm commands.

After enough hits, Adam will grow tired of lobbing fireballs and explosion from afar and return to the ground to settle up things with the androids. He has brought his teleportation and fireballs skills with him to ground level. Unfortunately he's not a Pokemon and isn't forgetting old skills to learn new ones. Hmm... robotic dystopia Pokemon... It'd probably be into that.

But he�s also straight up got a Flash Kick now. Sure, why not? Keep it up. What�s next? You got a Psycho Crusher or a Tiger Upper queued up for the next round, guy?

9S. Hey, 9S! You got this? I just saw him do a Flash Kick on you. That looked like it sucked. That was face full of robot taint, huh? You need a minute, 9S? That�s cool. Take your time. 2B will tag in.

Rounding out his fighting game move list, as Adam�s HP falls to dangerous levels, despite his constant leveling up, he�ll start concentrating his random ground explosions into more of a controlled Geese Howard Raging Storm if 2B applies pressure at close range. This guy better not start dabbling in SNK moves. We�ve got to take this guy�s head off post haste if he starts doing Genocide Cutters or summoning tornados and poo poo.

Music: ENDS

Keeping up the pressure, Adam is challenging enough for an early game boss. But our androids handily defeat him and...

...they waste absolutely no time making sure to follow up murdering the poo poo out of him in the following cutscene. Bootleg bishonen is already breaking gameplay conventions all willy-nilly. Can�t let him try any poo poo in the Cutscene Realm� unchallenged.

RIP Adam the Machine Man. You died as you lived. Dickless.

Is this... really a machine?

.....

Wha!?

Yep... Still no junk. What, 9S? You just now noticing...? Get with the progr�

OK. Some please explain to the machines what a dick looks like. I think someone told them it�s the fifth limb and they�ve DEFINITELY misinterpreted that euphemism.

Or... another dude crawled out of the first dude�s stomach. That�s not something you see every day. Though to be fair, I�ve seen weirder. Call me back when a blood covered regeneration clone crawls out of a magic flower growing out of your eye socket.

drat it, not another one!

RaaaaaaRRRRRRRR!!!!!

He doesn�t seem happy with us. And is, in fact, hollerin� so loud that the entire area is collapsing. 9S and 2B wisely decide to cheese it out of the area. They may be in a touch over their heads at this point.

We�ll just leave Adam and Adam�s corpse to be buried at the bottom of this desert ruin. Surely, that�ll be the last we ever see of him. Trapped for eternity beneath an extremely low resolution texture. It�s basically the Phantom Zone for machines, you know.

New Music: Grandma (Destruction)

The way we entered here is inaccessible thanks to that early drop. But part of the surrounding structure conveniently collapses, revealing a new path out of the area.

I have no idea if you can actually die in this sequence or if it�s just false urgency. I�m going to hazard a guess of �probably�, since I�m not going to replay 20 minutes of the game to confirm or deny an unceremonious load screen upon death.

Despite the urgent music, the entire escape sequence is all of about 20 seconds long. Wasting the first use of a real good amped up remix of a song from the first game is a waste. Oh well, we�re in the clear.

Music: ENDS

What the hell just happened?

I know! I�ve never seen a machine like that before. We�d better report this to command.

It seems we�ve ended up in a small canyon running adjacent to the huge slope connecting the Desert Zone to Desert Housing. There�s a quicksand river running off a bottomless cliff, but little else of note in the region.

Our new goal is to get the hell out of here and back above ground so we can report on the machine�s recent advances in silver hair man-butt technology. This could mean the beginning of NieR�s equivalent of the space race. Only instead of the moon being in space, it�s on the best crafted behind. :v:

A bizarre gear filled block can be shoved out of the way from the end of the canyon to reveal a path back to civilization. Or well... a place where androids might hang out, at least.

Hey guys, sorry to burst through a wall while you�re just hanging out and suddenly murder you all. But question: did you all know about the Desert Housing... event? That was a weird scene to walk in on, guys. You all need to put up a warning sign or some poo poo in the future. Maybe a big Do Not Disturb sign or a tie on the door handle. I dunno. Figure it out, guys.

Following this cavern, we�ll eventually reach the surface level and 9S will contact his Operator. I think she�s only had one line so far (she confirms 2B and 9S are cleared to blow themselves up in the intro) but 9S has his own Operator, 21O. She is... considerably less friendly than 6O.

*ring* 9S to Bunker, do you copy?

Operator, we uh... We just encountered a pair of humanoid machines. We weren�t able to capture them... But I have combat data ready for upload.

Understood. Ready to receive.

Hopefully you can get something out of it.

Turns out we�ve ended up all the way back at the buffer zone between the Desert proper and the City Ruins. Well, since we did investigate the machine surge and... kinda handled it, I suppose we ought to head back towards the Resistance Camp to plan our next move. Or at least upgrade or something. We�ve collected a mess of cash and materials during that desert excursion.

Entering the base camp at the edge of the city, we find Jackass has relocated here and the shop keeper seems to want our attention. Let�s see what these two have for us.

So I guess... you know. Thanks or whatever.

That�s about as much gratitude as we�ll ever get out of Jackass. I�ll take it. Let�s just remember she�s hanging out in this location. We might drop by for a chat at a later date.

Thanks for securing access to those desert resources. It�s a huge help. I know it isn�t much, but please take this. It�s the least I can do. Oh, and be sure to swing by if you ever need anything, all right?

Yeah, guy. You weren�t kidding. This isn�t much. That said, it is a good lesson in that it�s worth chatting up the locals after major story beats. If they don�t have new dialog, at least they might cough up a few extra goodies. Anyway, let�s get out of this lousy desert...

Say, 2B? I was hoping we could talk about our next move. I�m worried about the damage we took in that last battle with the machines. Maybe we should return to the Resistance camp to resupply and conduct maintenance?

All right. Let�s go back.

And that concludes Chapter 3 of NieR: Automata. Tune in next time in which we report back to the Bunker and receive new orders. And then things get umm... festive, let�s say.

Video: Episode 16 Highlight Reel (It�s a boss fight, you should probably watch it!)

Desert Housing Concept Art � For as much concept art as this area gets, it�s probably one of the least used regions in the game.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 19:40 on Apr 22, 2017

# ¿ Apr 22, 2017 18:28

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

vdate posted:

Is it just me or do the lighting effects on Adam's attacks (among other things) make it impossible to see what's going on? For example, in the 'he has a flash kick now' screenshot (and the equivalent section of the highlights video), I kinda had to take your word for it.

Nah. The only reason I know what the gently caress half his attacks are doing during attacks is because I was reviewing two takes of the same ten minutes of gameplay for like two hours straight. While you're playing it's mostly pretty much "avoid the big light poo poo coming off the nude dude because that looks like a bad scene."

Also, now I kinda wanna play Lords of Shadow 2 despite everyone telling me to absolutely not do that. I really liked the dumbass first game. You did a God powered shoryuken to literally Satan! It was REAL dumb. I loved it.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 18:39 on Apr 23, 2017

# ¿ Apr 23, 2017 18:35

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

SHUT UP ABOUT SPEC OPS: THE LINE! :siren:

Episode XVII: Pipe Purgatory

Welp. The desert mission is done...ish. I mean, we were only sent to investigate the �machine surge� not to actually put a kibosh on it. I�d file that as a success. Time to head back to the camp and gear up for... whatever comes next. We don�t really have any active objectives or available sidequests at the moment. If you think about it, nothing is stopping us from just blow off work and going fishing for the rest of the afternoon. But... I suppose there is a war going on... Let�s check back in on Anemone. I�m sure she�d like an update on the goings on. I don�t think the Resistance has email.

I heard from Jackass about your encounter in the desert. Good work. We don�t have much to offer in thanks, but I�ve readied a room for you here.

Oh?

Hey, thanks!

Well, I would have preferred a monetary reward or maybe some XP out of the deal. But I suppose rent free housing will suffice. Androids don�t have to worry about asbestos, right? Let�s take a look.

We have permission, remember? Plus, we�ll probably be stationed here for a while, so a bed won�t go amiss.

Then I guess there�s no point turning it down!

I�ve played my fair share of post-apocalyptic games and these accommodations are significantly less lovely than I was expecting. Let�s lay down some ground rules here if we�re going to be roommates, 9S. The big bed with the trunk big enough to stuff a corpse or two into and the ample space? That�s 2B�s bed.

This dank corner with the shoebox surrounded by rotting books and some wet cardboard boxes? Welcome to your new home away from home, 9S.

Now go stand guard outside and analyze birds or whatever you Scanner model dweebs do in your off-time. 2B had a long day of fighting weird slippery nude dudes and doesn�t want to be disturbed for a few hours. Go buy an alarm clock chip and wake us up by noon. Not a minute later or you�re getting reported as being in dereliction of duties to YoRHa command!

A couple hours later...

Before we depart the camp for... err... whatever it is we�re meant to be doing at the moment, we should probably take the time to do some upgrading and maintenance.

We�ve gotten a fairly sizable war chest junking all of those machine lifeforms out in the desert. Plus another 8,000 G from pawning off the oil slick fish we acquired. That�s more than enough to make some significant improvements to 2B�s efficiency.

Our first priority should always be the Maintenance Shop and its assorted upgrades. We couldn�t do much here early. Time to fix that.

We have acquired Pod C and it can now join Pod A in never getting upgraded in the remote future. Those five Simple Gadgets we got were from that one sidequest from the Commander. Those rarer than diamonds otherwise. Ditto with Pure Water and most of the other junk necessary here.

Now that we have a second Pod, it�s in our best interest to purchase a new Pod Program to equip on it. Each Pod can be slotted with its own Pod Program and they all have individual cool-down timers. I thought the Hammer kind of sucked personally, but I didn�t give it much of a chance. So we�ll roll with that for a little bit.

The Hammer Pod Program err... well, it sort of does what it says on the box. It produces a comically oversized hammer that wallops the ground in front of it. Charging up the program causes TWO hammers to double-tap the same area. Meh. I miss Dark Hand. A blood magic doom fist uppercut was much more satisfying as a high impact, close range melee magic attack.

While we�re here, I�m also going to nab the first three +8 Storage upgrades for our Chips. That will give us a way bigger upgrade than anything else available at the moment.

I suppose we can briefly touch on the Fuse system now that we have a number of Chips to work with now. See, first we�re going to have to go level up our S-Link with 6O or the Commander to augment the Arcana of th�wait no. That�s not quite this game.

Via the Maintenance Shop here (also there�s one on the Bunker that I swear is open for about 40 minutes the entire 60 hours it took me to 100% complete the game) we can Fuse chips we�ve collected from enemy drops or sidequest rewards. We can only fuse Chips of the same level.

For instance, we�ve got two Evade Range Up +1 chips. One has a storage cost of 9 and one of 10. We can slam those two together to turn them into the next level of chip. The fused Chips will generally inherit the higher value of the two. There�s actually a big dumb formula apparently dictating the specifics of a fusion. But I�m not getting into that right now because it matters gently caress ALL at this point. Everything we have will be easy outclassed by drops as we progress up until very late game.

It is worth mentioning that any Chips with a diamond next to �em mean they�re the maximum efficiency for the level they�re at. I�m fairly certain the game never bothers to mention that! If we ever get lucky enough to get two diamond chips of the same level, those can be fused for a really nice, super-efficient chip of the next level.

My Chip loadout right now is:

Evade Range Up +2 � Dash 40% farther. Welcome upgrade.
Auto-use Item +1 � Automatically uses a healing item if things go REAL bad and 2B�s health falls below 10%. I�ll probably get rid of this after 2B gains a few more levels and she�s more durable.
Max Hp Up +2 � +15% maximum HP. Can always use more HP.
Deadly Heal � Gain 5% HP back for every enemy defeated. This gets ABSURDLY broken when upgraded a few levels.
Drop Rate Up � 10% greater chance of enemies dropping junk. We could use it this early in the game.

That�s enough Chip and Pod shuffling for now. Let�s move on top weapon inventory. This first weapons vendor�s stock never updates. This is it! This is all he ever sells. There�s a couple more vendors later in the game with different stock. We�ve got some spare cash still. Let�s pick up a new weapon!

Beastbane is another Small Sword for our growing stock of basic blades. Upgrading it to Level 2 results in Endurance Up, a Defense buff while it�s equipped. At Level 4, it gains �Beast�s Roar� which adds the claw effect from Zero in Drakengard 3�s Intoner Mode to slashes, resulting in a ton of extra damage if it connects.

It�s worth mentioning this is also a returning weapon from the original NieR. And it was also sold by the very first blacksmith available in the starting village early in the game and was the strongest weapon around for the first half of the game. But that�s not fun trivia. Now this...

Beastbane posted:

Once upon a time, there were three princesses. The middle princess wasn't very bright, but was renowned by all as a great beauty. Once she came of age, she was married off to the king of a neighboring nation.

The neighboring king adored his new wife and treasured her looks above all else. He gave the middle princess six new dresses and eight fresh flowers every day, and his love caused her beauty to shine all the more.

The middle princess did all she could to remain beautiful for her king, but she knew time would eventually catch up with her, as it did for all. So after much hard thought, she developed a cunning plan.

The middle princess had herself stuffed and mounted so she could remain beautiful for all time. The king wept joyful tears at the sight, but alas, two years later, war broke out, and her body was crushed under the rubble of the castle.

Sure. A princess giving herself the Chief Brian Irons special. At least that�s unique as far as horrible deaths go in Weapon Stories. That about concludes our business in the Resistance Camp. Let�s head on out where...

This is 9S. Go ahead.

I have an incoming message for 2B and 9S from the Commander. Initiating playback.

Their black boxes are online, so we presume they�re still alive. We�ve tracked the location of their signals, so I need all YoRHa units on the surface to head over and investigate.

End transmission. *radio cuts off*

Hmm. I heard something about that back at the Resistance camp.

Target location confirmed. I�m worried about the other androids... We should probably check this out as soon as possible.

Our new destination is to the north, smack dab between the Resistance Camp and the Save Terminal by the tower.

One of the crude Resistance ~~level boundaries~~ barriers now has a bit stripped away allowing access to a new region to the east. Hopefully, our androids are better dressed for this mission than the desert fiasco.

Looks like our surface route�s been cut off. Maybe we can get through from underground.

Welp. No avoiding it. It�s an inevitability in any vaguely urban setting in a video game Who is ready for a sewer level...?

Music: ENDS

Those machines out in the desert looked just like androids, right?

Right.

But we androids were modeled after our human creators. So why would machines try to look like us?

......

There�s no point trying to work out unsolvable problems.

I suppose...

There aren�t actually any enemies in the sewer zone and it�s just 20 second long loading area masking buffer region. But that doesn�t mean the sewer is devoid of any interesting elements.

Such as fishing! Of COURSE we can fish in several millennia old raw sewage. There�s not any fish down here. But there are some key goodies. Such as...

A rusted old rocket launcher... No. That�s not what I was after here... Let�s try that again!

...No. That�s a tire. How did they even FIT this down into the sewer? There�s a new weapon that can be obtained here by fishing. I caught it in like 3-4 tries the first time I played. Oh well, let�s look at the junk we obtained while I do that...

I hope someday there�s a supplementary story about a plucky post-apocalyptic android trucker.

It can be accompanied by tale of the disciplinary committee tasked with punishing improper disposal of lovely old gas tanks. It�s very serious political issue in the YoRHa power structure.

And of course the mystery of the machine lifeform�s collection of old car batteries and the conspiracy within.

Finally, this is that NIN64 item I told you that got patched out. They in truth just changed the name and limited the areas where it spawns. Yep, sure looks like they�re dunking on a lovely dead Nintendo console with this picture of a RPG launcher.

Anyway, about that weapon...

35 MINUTES OF BAD FISHING RNG LATER... :suicide:

The Iron Pipe is the weapon in question I sought during this sewer fishing escapade. Yeah, sure... I only need a bit of footage for this next update. Shouldn�t take long, I told myself... Goddammit!

The Iron Pipe is probably one of the worst weapons in the game because... well... it�s a big iron pipe. It only does a two hit swipe combo for light hits and one wallop for heavy. It cannot use any of the fancy weapon YoRHa teleportation business because... it�s just a pipe. The first upgrade to it ups the chance of critical hits. At max level, it gains a high chance of stunning enemies. This weapon was in the original NieR. Indeed, it was technically the very first weapon used by the Original Papa Nier during the game�s prologue. Gestalt Papa Nier also gained it via some weird time traveling sidequest. So what�s it doing here...?

Iron Pipe posted:

Dad, if you're cold, I can give you my hat. You're the best father in the world, after all.

Dad, if you're hungry, you can have my cookie. You're my favorite person in the world, after all.

Dad, if you're scared, I can sleep by your side. You're my closest friend in the world, after all.

So please don't go anywhere. All right Dad? Don't leave your Yonah all alone. ...Okay?

�Definitely don�t turn into some kind of shadow lord and kidnap my cloned doppelganger in a bid to be reunited with me that causes the potential end of humanity, dad. I know this is oddly specific, but...�

That said, I do like the idea this particular pipe has been eternally enchanted to survive the eons just because the original Nier decided to bust some Shades' heads with it right when he became the Shadowlord.

We�re not quite done in the sewer yet. At the end of the linear path of intact tunnels, we find another ladder leading to the surface. That is our destination. But...

Just beyond that ladder is some wreckage 2B and 9S can just squeeze through leading to a SECOND ladder to the surface. If climb this, we find ourselves...

...in a forest clearing with some strange hollowed out tree bound together by massive chains. This looks like the entrance to a Dark Souls boss arena.

However, inside we discover a very video gamey glowing pedestal with another new weapon stuck into it. This is Virtuous Dignity, our very first of the Spear class of weapons.

Spears aren�t quite as completely OP as they were in the original Nier, given the emphasis on mobility in this game�s combat systems. But they are still quite good. And they are still incredibly OP in the 2D fighting segments where mobility isn�t a factor and long range stabbing is an extremely effective technique. Virtuous Dignity gains an increase to its Attack Speed with its first upgrade and Holy Blessing (increased attack speed at full HP) at max level.

Now let�s get to the story...

Virtuous Dignity posted:

The elegant white spear was crafted by a tyrant as a gift for his wife-whose parents he had killed years earlier. She slipped it under the bed they shared, then later used it to run him through 30 times.

The spear's second owner was a courageous, bandit-fighting mayor. In her later years, her strength faded, until one night, a pack of young thugs surrounded her and took all that she had-including her life.

The third owner was a greedy merchant who lived to swindle customers. Soon, she found herself shunned and penniless, and so decided to hang herself. The unused spear rested in a corner of her home as decoration.

The fourth owner was a meek young boy who wanted to aid his sickly younger sister. He gave all to this cause - including his very existence and that of all else in the world.

A mariticide, a gang rape/murder, a suicide, and a Brother Nier reference. Quite the r�sum� on this spear! It�ll go places on that record.

Doubling back to the early pipe we passed and climbing up, our androids find themselves at the edge of a forest with what sounds like explosions or artillery firing in the distance. Alright, 9S. I didn�t want to say anything. But YoRHa is starting to complain about all the budget we�re chewing through replacing android bodies. So try not to take a RPG or an anti-tank round to the face as soon as we round the corner, eh? We're nearly at our partnership's monthly maximum after you let 2B rip out her OS Chip and did nothing to prevent it.

Or... well... cancel that. It�s not enemy fire. It�s err... fireworks.

Tune in next time when 9S and 2B take an all-expense paid vacation to the Amusement Park zone as Yoko Taro�s wild ride continues! :toot:

Video: Episode 17 Highlight Reel

City Ruins Concept Art - The one city below Imperial Notspain in poorly kept infrastructure.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 00:51 on Apr 25, 2017

# ¿ Apr 24, 2017 23:27

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode XVIII: Carnival Night Zone

...

......

...9S, are you seeing this poo poo? What the fresh gently caress is all this?! Didn�t we just get back from fighting a teleporting machine built Ken Doll? How are we already at something even weirder? YoRHa better be paying us overtime for this.

New Music: Amusement Park (Vocal) (Listen to this immediately.)

What are those?

Oh, wHat fUN! Oh, whaT FUn!

What the...

Well, this is weird.

LeT�s bE haPPy toGETHer! TOgetHer! ToGethER!

Right... this is happening now. None of these machines, who are in full clown and jester costumes, complete with face paint, are remotely hostile. The small ones are content with frolicking about the square throwing handfuls of confetti or using their mega buster attachment to shoot festive balloons into the sky. You can attack them and they will go hostile and defend themselves. But that seems like a huge dick move! If you are ever watching someone stream this or something and they immediately attack every machine in the area, slam that tab closed because you�re watching a real dipshit!

The machines have also installed a bronze bunny-eared statue in a still functional fountain. I suppose crafting statues isn�t too far out of the machines� ability set considering they�re fabricating thousands of barely mobile robot bodies every day. Still, this seems excessive.

Any of the machines that aren�t participating actively in the festivities are all willing to speak with the androids. Err... I�m good, Big Brother Machine. I saw what you guys and love produ�

Oh. You�re just giving gifts. Well, that�s nice of you. I�m gonna sell it immediately, since it is vendor trash. But hey. It�s a start to positive android/machine relations.

The road towards the castle, and presumably our objective, is also filled with a parade of clown machines with an infinite supply of confetti on hand. Maybe this is the ultimate goal of the aliens. Converting earth to a giant tacky amusement park. It�s actually the intergalactic version of the Disney corporation using eminent
domain laws on backwater planets and things going awry.

Jutting off from the center of the main pavilion are two back alley paths. The one to the north is currently closed over to android access. But the eastern one is open for business. We�ll keep that in mind as we explore.

We also got some more prizes for being the Amusement Park�s very first customers. :toot:

New Music: Amusement Park (Medium)

Watch this game turn out to be a backdoor sequel to Kingdom Hearts. All these machines are some fifteenth offshoot of Heartless. Adam was just another goddamn incarnation of Ansem. 9S is actually Sora�s shadow or some poo poo. I�m gonna be so pissed!

Together! Together!

(Child) Oh, what fun! Oh, what fun!

(Mother) Throw down your weapons! Surrender to love! Hey! Hey!

Uh huh... Machines labeling themselves with established familial roles is... probably still just meaningless babble from old records, right? Let�s see about getting to that castle.

Maybe there�s another way around.

Alright, no dice going through the main gate and smashing through an iron barrier is absolutely out of the question. YoRHa command already sent us a reprimand for damaging so much infrastructure back at the Abandoned Factory. So we�ll just have to navigate our way through back channels.

New Music: Amusement Park (Quiet)

Such as this creepy alley. The music in this area fades between the different layers depending on the location really well. Go just off the main festivities path and suddenly everything seems extremely menacing. But that�s not actually the case here. The couple robots here are still friendly, if significantly more shady than the ones out in the lit areas.

For instance, we find a merchant machine hanging out here. If all these items seem rather odd, that�s because this fellow sells assorted weapon upgrade material. His stock will upgrade as the game progresses. NieR: Automata is actually extremely forgiving with weapon upgrade materials, especially compared to its predecessor. There are vendors for literally everything needed to upgrade each weapon to Level 4. Granted, some of the vendors are... difficult to wrangle the desired merchandise. But still, it�s better than grinding Eagle Eggs in a single spot for two hours straight.

Also in a secluded corner of this back alley, we can find a Lunar Tear � a rather important flower from the original Nier. And the source of a huge headache if you were going for all the cheevos in the game. There�s nothing to be done with it at the moment. But it�s nice to see they�re still around some 10,000 years later.

Nothing here, you know.

Yeah, that�s not suspicious at all, clown. Step out of the way. YoRHa investigation team is on the case!

Alright, I�m calling bullshit. There is zero way one of those spinning rocket amusement rides lasted this long. Those at all times seemed like they were moments away from an errant bolt on a key structural point shattering and killing everyone on the ride.

We need a way through.

Let�s look around for a route we can take.

We�ll get to that in a moment. First, let�s activate the only Save Terminal in the region and get the lay of the land. Looks like if we continue down the one path ahead of us, we�ll get fairly close to the castle. Well, that works out! Better check our email before we go. I�m pretty sure I saw a notification. It could be important.

Of all of humanity�s many accomplishments over the eons, I�m glad our robot children inherited the blessing of emoticons.

The solution to advancing further ahead is a light bit of platforming across the (surprisingly intact and able to sustain the weight of 300 pound androids) amusement ride cars to reach a further gated off area.

Boy, the south side of the Magic Kingdom has fallen on some hard times after that last recession. At this rate, I feel like we�re going to turn down an alley and find a dead Goofy with a needle in his arm or a rusting animatronic Donald Duck willing to do some debauchery for just 100G.

Junk! Danger!

Yeah, pfft. Broken junk. What�s new? When�s the last time you saw anything that was in good condition on Earth? I mean... other than the pristine looking castle with a fully functional fireworks display...

Let�s play! Let�s play!

Let�s sing! Let�s sing!

Let�s play! Let�s play!

Hell yeah. The Party Tank is here! This poo poo is on now! That isn�t tank exhaust coming out of that thing. The machines are hotboxing the inside of that tank. They know how to have a good time. C�mon 9S. Let�s get in on that action. Time to get 2Baked.

As a side note: The Party Tank may be all about partying and fun times. But it DOES have a responsible designated driver who uses proper breaking and turn signals while while harmlessly driving around the lot having a good time.

We�ll regret it later if we let them escape, so let�s take �em out!

9S... you square, bitch-made narc motherfucker. I cannot believe you�d propose attacking the Party Tank. Yeah, they�re heavily armed... with festivity and joy. They retrofitted their cannons with party streamers, confetti and balloons. I don�t even think that�s physically possible, but they�ve engineered that feat on top of just blowing pot vapors into the air for our benefit. And you just want to let out your latent machine racism and attack them without provocation. I knew an idiot baby dragon once that was a lot like you just with wyverns...

No, 9S! We�re leaving now. When you�re in charge, you can be a dick and attack the Party Tank. But you�re not, so shut up and c�mon! Now nobody gets to party with the machines...

If they aren�t hostile, fighting them is a waste of time.

In case you�re wondering, yes can absolutely go fight the Party Tank and it�s a mildly challenging mini-boss. It has a guaranteed drop of the most valuable vendor trash in the game. But don�t worry. There will be other tanks that won�t make us feel like a huge tool for attacking. Now let�s continue on to this err...

Analysis: It is a device that propels humans on rails at high speeds for the purposes of amusement. It was commonly referred to as a �roller coaster.�

Humans sure are strange creatures...

Alright then! Let�s hop on board and go for a joy ride. Err... No, 2B... 9S... You�re supposed to climb into those seats there and hold onto the safety bar. That�s not how you... Oh... forget it. You do you. Don�t listen to the human and his safety tips.

Yes?

People who know me well usually call me �Nines,� sooo...

Oh.

.....

Of?

I mean, if you want to call me Nines, it�s totally okay.

.....

I�m good.

Oh. Um... all right.

Shut up, 9S. You giant dork. I know drat well you don�t have any other friends and nobody calls you Nines. Stop trying to start a nickname or else your designation is going to become 9Steve. Is that what you want, 9Steve? No? I didn�t think so. Now get your poo poo together and help shoot some robots.

They did mention the robots past this point were broken, hence why we�re suddenly being attacked by clown bots and some decidedly less dressed up machine lifeforms while this coaster careens around the park. Thank goodness this doesn�t feature any loops. It wouldn�t look good on our androids' after action report if they both died due to car surfing a roller coaster and falling to their deaths.

Eventually the roller coaster reaches a point over our destination at the castle and the two androids opt to disembark. Hopefully this is the right spot and not some locked storage attic.

Music: ENDS

Well, you heard the Pod. The MIA Resistance member androids are all gathered beneath here. Maybe it�ll turn out OK and they all just decided to hang out and party with the machines. They�re all taking turns doing bong rips off a Stubby right now.

I like to think YoRHa are programmed to automatically smash through objects and enter superhero crouch poses. That sounds like some dumb thing a human programmer nerd would sneak into their algorithms.

Sooooo... Pod 042... Not seeing any androids here. What�s the de�

...Oh. Found �em.

Err... Hi. Umm... Nice uhh... jewelry you got there... So umm...

LAAAAAA!

LAAAAAAAAAAA!!

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

...What the hell?!

Video: Episode 18 Highlight Reel (Probably worth watching.)

Amusement Park Concept Art � Unfortunately, we never get to mess with that Ferris Wheel in the background of the area.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 16:37 on Aug 24, 2017

# ¿ Apr 26, 2017 19:45

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

I cannot believe so many of you heinous fuckers destroyed the Party Tank. :sad:

Should have the next update tomorrow. Beyond that, Saturday (4/29) at 1:00 PM EDT, I'm going to do a stream of the remaining six plus hours of Kingdom Hearts 2 cutscenes if that's your kinda thing. I streamed the rest of the series' cutscenes up to this point last year and earlier this year.

Sora, Donald and Goofy will be happening here. This is the really good end of the spectrum of anime bullshit writing. Come watch the most dire for contrast:
http://www.hitbox.tv/TheDarkId

Edit: Also happy 7th anniversary to the original Nier. :toot:

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 18:58 on Apr 27, 2017

# ¿ Apr 27, 2017 18:30

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode XIX: A Beautiful Performance

New Music: A Beautiful Song (You should listen to this. It only plays here!)

What the hell?

Our records don�t say anything about a machine like this!

Hahahahahaha!

Meet the Mad Songstress, Simone. Simone is named after the French existentialist philosopher and feminist activist Simone de Beauvoir. Indeed, her Japanese name is Beauvoir. They had to change it for western audiences because as it turns out, her estate is still rather litigious regarding referencing her person. She and another character�s name both had to have their titles altered for this reason.

If you�re wondering why they didn�t have to bother with that and similar unsanctioned blatant references made in Japanese media (I�m watching JoJo Part 4 with a friend right now and BOY do those official subtitles alterations get dumb) it�s due to Japanese copyright law regarding names being umm... well. Here�s how it basically works over there: Are you a Japanese corporation? No? Are you at least a Japanese citizen? No? Welp. Go eat a dick. You lose in court. Don�t even bother trying. You will NOT win. So that�s why it�s no holds barred there and stuff needs to be changed in the west, which is much more sue happy and enabling. Now you know why you�re stuck with Worse Company or Simone.

This is one battle where having our Pod firing at all times is an ace idea because Simone is extremely dangerous up close. Her tell for attacks is lifting the bottom of her metal �skirt�. But the attack about to be unleashed isn�t immediately clear. Much like Adam doing glowing particle effects mess in the earlier battle, it is best just to immediately back off as soon as the boss enters an attack phase.

Like any good machine lifeform (or advanced level Shade in days of yore), Simone comes packing orbs. These are a bit different than the usual stock. They fly in an arc towards the ground where they violently explode like a landmine. They�re also accompanied by bells in tune with the music. So that�s fun while frantically running from explosions.

Also underneath Simone�s skirt is an array of powerful laser beams that rotate around the room counter-clockwise as she continues her opera performance for the androids. They move about 2B�s jogging speed. So it�s a matter of playing jump rope or following along continue to fire at Simone.

Also under the Cyber Intoner�s belt is a volley of heat-seeking missiles. 9S tends to be a touch more proactive in running up on Simone if 2B backs off. So he�s nice enough to become the targeted android and eat a half dozen rockets to the face in 2B�s stead. Sidekicks have infinite health. He�ll be fine. At least he�s making himself useful.

One of the more dangerous attacks is blades appearing beneath Simone. Getting remotely near her at ground level is a good way to get 2B�s health grinded to a pulp since the blades will hit multiple times. Simone also opts to rocket around the arena at high speeds targeting the androids. 2B�s perfect dodge spamming can get her out of a tight spot. But it�s a bad scene if ya beef it.

Also in her wide arsenal, Simone�s song produces rings out from her body which both produce massive explosions as they strike the ground and trigger a PTSD response to Drakengard 1 and 3�s final ending. That�s a real hosed up thing to pull out of nowhere in the middle of a boss fight, game.

Finally, outside of exploding orbs we get a standard bullet hell pattern of normal orbs. Sometimes this will cause the camera to shift to an overhead position for a half minute and that�s REALLY annoying since it does NOT help dodge �em. It seems to be random whether she goes for that or not.

After dropping down to around 80-75% health, Simone will retreat back to the stage and ready herself for Act 2 of the performance. What does that entail...? Well...

New Music: A Beautiful Song (Chiptune)

Sooooo... this is happening now. Do you feel like playing an overhead shmup? Nope. Tough poo poo! That�s what�s going down now! If you�re wondering the controls, it�s exactly like a dual-stick shooter. Left stick moves. Right stick aims. Everything else shoots.

Welcome to the Hacking mini-game. We�re being hacked by Simone and need to escape this digital mind prison. The little cursor thing there is our avatar. It can shoot laser blasts. For this unexplained tutorial, we need to blast all the black boxes in the area.

Once all the black boxes have been zapped into oblivion, the shield guarding the black orb in the center is destroyed, allowing our spaceship dealie to blast it as well. Destroying the black orb is the objective of the Hacking mini-game. With it neutralized...

Music: A Beautiful Song

If we take hacking damage, it�ll affect our bodies as well!

Ugh.

*grunts and pants*

Hey, 9S. She�s fine. You can stop feeling her back up. Don�t make us report you to the YoRHa HR department. But more pressingly, though briefly stunned by the failed hacking attempt. Simone seems to be still operational.

Take note that the thing�s actual head is below the body�s �neck� there. See? There�s a little round machine lifeform head. And it looks pissed.

I dunno. A fifteen foot opera singing death bot is a bit mundane for my tastes. Let�s spice it up a notch...

What if we added an audience of crucified flayed android corpses to the mix? That�d kick it up a notch, right? An opera performance is nothing without an audience, after all?

Oh, did I say corpses? Oh well... About that...

Are we seriously being attacked with dead androids?

Wait. I don�t think... 2B! I�m detecting black box signals! They aren�t dead�they�ve been turned into weapons!

All right. This ends now!

We now have to contend with enslaved androids falling from the rafters and causing a ruckus on the battlefield. Having their skin peeled off and bound to rusted girders has reduced all of them to Level 1 and as such, they go down with a couple sword swipes or a few seconds of gunfire.

Offensively, the undead androids have two attacks. A series of ringed projectiles that lazily float and expand in a single direction. And a shockwave type attack that engulfs the entire battlefield. The former can be avoided and the latter can be jumped over. But should they hit 2B...

New Music: A Beautiful Song (Chiptune)

Welcome back to Hacking! For real now!

There�s no shield this time and the black orb is firing back. 2B�s avatar can take three hits before being destroyed and dealing a chunk of damage to our android. There�s also a ten second time limit which will instant fail the hack if it expires.

The objective is still just to destroy the black orb, which only can withstand about a second of continuous fire before exploding. We might see more of the hacking mini-game in the future. A WHOLE FRIKKIN� LOT MORE!

Music: A Beautiful Song

After enduring a couple minutes of the enslaved androids� attacks boy a lot of these boss fights are secretly on scripted timers, Simone decides she�s ready for the final act...

I�m going to try to hack it back. Keep it busy!

You got it.

More...beautiful... I must...become...more...beautiful... More... More... MORE...

Alert: Saturation attack triggered by enemy consciousness data. Failure to destroy it quickly may lead to serious damage in memory regions.

Simone is now rather pissed and cranks all of her previous attacks up several notches. Instead of an organized volley of explosive orbs, it�s a chaotic mess peppering the area. Instead of a slow lazy swirl of standard orbs, it�s a slushing whirlwind flooding everything. You might also notice she�s down to 50% HP. A failed hacking attempt damages the one making said attempt. Usually to the tune of around a quarter of their maximum HP. Guess that extends to scripted hacks too. Be careful who you cross on the internet.

The bound androids from earlier are still occasionally dropping in the area and shooting off Hack Beams in 2B�s direction. They�re limited to hanging in the outskirts of the arena. But since the camera is focused on Simone and she�s really going off, it�s easy to accidentally take an off-camera hack by mistake. Best to put those androids out of their misery as soon as they�re spotted.

After taking Simone down to around 33% health, her outer dress, for lack of a better term, erupts into flames. Funnily enough, she doesn�t seem particularly keen on being set on fire.

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! Someone... someone help! GAAAAH! Uuuuurrrrhhhhgggg...

After frantically attempting to put herself out and screaming in agony a bit, Simone will collapse in a heap and reveal a glowing yellow weak point on the top of her head. I think you can imagine what 2B and 9S ought to do when presented with a pulsating weak spot.

The Mad Songstress is not out of the fight yet. After a good 10-15 seconds of walloping, Simone recovers her senses and begins unleashing bouncy-ball explosive orbs across the battlefield. These are kind of a mess to avoid since they don�t dissipate for a ten seconds and their trajectory is all kinds of random.

Adding to the bounce ball pit, the machine lifeform opera star will saturate the area with random volleys of hacking signals. It�s best just to pull back and let this run its course.

All that aside, there�s also one final trick up Simone�s skirt. And it is err...

A giant Xenomorph dick! Sure, why not? That�s happening now. We should PROBABLY stay the hell away from the snarling butt worm and finish this boss off from afar. Not just because it�s a freaky teethed cybernetic horror coming from under a robotic opera singer�s butt. But because...

It has a one-shot grab attack! Fun fact: While this game doesn�t have auto-save, it does have boss battle checkpoints. In this case, if 2B takes a dirt nap she�d have to start from the point the crucified androids were introduced. No thanks!

If we keep our distance, Simone and her... friend... will be content to just do a shockwave producing butt slam while we rain Pod Programs and gunfire on it from afar.

Every once in a while, Simone Jr. will get antsy and perform a series of lunging bites in 2B�s direction. If they connect, it does hurt quite a bit. But it is just a standard damaging blow. It is NOT the one-shot grab attack. She only does that while stationary. And the bites can be perfect-dodged away from fairly easily.

In any case, that�s a wrap for Simone the Mad Songstress.

Now that we�re in the safety of the Cutscene Zone� it�s time to bring this fight to a close. Pod 042, time to show your stuff!

Music: ENDS

...drat Pod. Why didn�t you do that in the first place?

In any case, that concludes the battle against Simone the Mad Songstress. That went pretty well. Other than all the dead tortured androids... I mean... At least there was no rhythm battles!

Video: Episode 19 Highlight Reel (This is a really rad boss battle. You ought to view it!)

Simone Concept Art � I suppose a 15 foot tall cybernetic opera singer with a belt and headdress adorned with flayed android corpses is one way to top a Dickless Sephiroth.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 22:48 on Apr 28, 2017

# ¿ Apr 28, 2017 20:31

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Kingdom Hearts suffering is starting shortly, if that's your kinda scene. There will probably be a short Automata update later tonight to cap off this chapter after that.

]http://www.hitbox.tv/TheDarkId

# ¿ Apr 29, 2017 17:57

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode XX: White Flag

Oh, you mean the hacking? No worries. Us scanners are pretty good at that kind of thing. I�ve got your back anytime.

Okie dokie. That�s one less batshit crazy machine monstrosity out of the picture. A job well done. I mean... I don�t think we�re recovering any of those androids we were sent out to locate. But... technically we were only tasked with locating and reporting on the status of MIA androids. Not actually... recovering them.

I think they were only being kept alive by that enemy.

...Oh.

Well, shucks. At the very least, I doubt any of them would particularly be well off after being flayed alive, crucified on rusted steel pylons and bombarded with hacking opera music for god knows how long. It�s probably a mercy they all died with Simone�s destruction.

Anyway, Simone was nice enough to unlock the front door upon her destruction. So let�s make our way out of the castle. We�re just about done with the Amusement Park zone.

So. um...

What is it?

That machine had some pretty weird things to say, huh? It�s almost like it had actual emotion�

The machines don�t have feelings. You said that yourself.

Yeah, I...I guess.

Emotions are prohibited. Especially when displayed by a crazy rear end machine overflowing with ~~emotions~~ random responses and erratic behavior. Anyway, we find ourselves in the main foyer of the Amusement Park Castle. Other than a few bits of less than noteworthy loot, there�s little left to be done in here. Behind the stairs is a corridor with a currently inaccessible elevator. We�ll just keep in mind that�s there for the moment.

Music: Amusement Park (Medium)

It�s nice to be back outdoors. I cannot imagine the musk present in a 10,000 year old amusement park attraction. That mess usually smells like urine and human despair in the best of times. We�re currently without an objective once again. So let�s make the best of it...

Time to fish! There�s a teeny bit of the bridge�s supports that have collapsed allowing access to the water below. Or at least the murky dark texture claiming to be water. Let�s cast a couple in before moving on, shall we?

I didn�t have a whole lot of luck fishing here. My RNG values are in the dumpster ever since the Iron Pipe incident... But there are a couple new catches. I am eventually going to 100% the fish. If just for that sweet, sweet fishing lore. And general hatred of my own free time. :shepface:

The Koi Carp doesn�t give a gently caress about your machine lifeform oil spills or android corpses floating down the river. It does what it goddamn pleases. Deal with it.

Why would you program a machine fish with the capacity to get bored?! WHY WOULD YOU PROGRAM A MACHINE FISH WITH THE CAPACITY TO GET BORED?!

Oh, goddammit! Can�t an android fish in peace without some uppity machine lifeform rolling in and wanting to fire orbs or express bizarre human copying behaviors? I hope you�re ready for a halberd...axe...sharp thingie to the chrome dome, ya scr�

Huh?

You defeated broken machine. You saved us.

This thing is awfully verbose for a machine.

There are several points in the game where we are given the option of advancing the plot or... just kind of not. It�s not a �but thou must!� sort of situation. But... there isn�t anything else of note to do at the moment other than some sidequests clear across the game world. So there�s very little reason to reject this offer. Look at this dude. He�s got friendly green eyes and a cute little white surrender flag. Let�s see what�s up.

Still, we should at least head over there and gather data, right?

This way!

Our new objective is to follow this dude back to his... village? Wait, did I hear that right? They�ve got a village? Yeah... ok. Why not?

Music: Birth of a Wish (This Cannot Continue)

A new path, opposite the back alley roundabout way we took to the rollercoaster earlier, has opened. There�s not much going on back here. Just a bit a loot and a decaying android corpse sprawled in the corner. It�s probably fine. We�ll just remember that�s there for later. We might need to come back and investigate it for a sidequest.

The friendly machine lifeform leads us up to the rooftops of the Amusement Park and out around back to a series of rope bridges leading away from the park and into a nearby forest.

Hey guy, could you slow down? It�s not exactly a fair race if you�ve got a hover platform for legs. Though, 2B opts to stop her pursuit mid-way through the forest as something catches her eye...

Music: ENDS

Oh, right. You wouldn�t have seen that before. They�re sending supplies up from Earth to the moon and the Bunker. There are no spare parts or fuel in space, after all.

Huh.

Well, I suppose that makes sense. Kind of weird to think the androids have an intact space rocket program we never see. Sadly, Android NASA is not a factor in this game�s narrative.

They originally came here from outer space, right?

Well, there are a few theories about that... But no one knows for sure. Hard to tell what an alien is thinking, you know?

I wonder what kind of aliens they are... Insectoids? Sexy blue ladies? Mars People? Predators? Cyborgs? Weird forehead humans? They�ve definitely got a fondness for orbs, whatever they are...

In any case, following this path to its end brings us to our destination and the end of Chapter 4.

Tune in next time when we mingle with a society of friendly communist machines in their Ewok tree village as NieR: Automata continues to roll with the punches.

Video: Episode 20 Highlight Reel

Amusement Park Concept Art � Seems like they got the visual style of this area down pat pretty early.

**** UNIT DATA *****

That update was a wee bit fleeting. But frankly that chapter ends at a weird spot. What was I going to have that nice flag boy show up and go to the machine lifeform Ewok village the same update as the bombastic crazy opera robot fight? That wouldn�t work at all! So to supplement its short length, let�s take a look at Unit Data.

Unit Data is added to our Intel files every time we trash a machine lifeform (or in the future complete sidequests involving �em.) Unit Data is divided into a load of categories depending on the region and type of unit involved. We�ve only hit 13% of the total machines as of this update. EVERY SINGLE variation of a machine in the game counts towards our total. If there�s a machine that spilled some red paint on �em, that�d count as a separate entry. This might be tied to the most tedious sidequest in the game which involves filling up 95% of Unit Data. It sucks!

Anyway, let�s start with...

Standard Machines

The default trash can boys. They come in three fun varieties so far!

Punch boy no accessories.

Orb lad head shot city sniper!

Impenetrable defense!

Nobody knows what the deal is with these multi-tier boys. They march ever northward towards the end of the world.

As we�ve seen. They come in a variety of sizes. Moderately tall lads.

And far too big boys. We can�t even see you there you silly goose. You�re being foolish! What happens if you tip over?! Disaster!

Small-bipeds are honestly kind of uncommon at this point. The game prefers masses of Stubby machines or small squads of Medium guys. What a boring dude! Come back when you�ve got clown makeup or a neat hat.

Probably the second most common type of machine lifeform we�ve encountered. We�ve only seen two varieties of �em so far...

Powerful Punchman.

Cowardly Dark Souls Player.

If you hadn�t noticed earlier, the Goliath Biped actually has several machine lifeform heads all over its body. It�s really a mess of machines working together, with the one on top being the leader of this machine lifeform Megazord. If you look carefully, you can see one pulled the short straw and is operating the Goliath configuration�s dick.

As you can see, there�s unfortunate machines stuck in the Goliath�s arm and another one having fun setting off the jetpack on its behind. He�s having a good time at least. Before the androids cause him to violently explode.

Shooter segments� top units. I think these might be the most destroyed machine lifeform overall due to the sheer number of �em eating it whenever flight units are involved.

Turns out the Medium Flyer is just a tricked out standard edition with a bunch of junk bolted onto it. Its effectiveness has been limited. But by god, they�re trying.

Desert Machines

You think the desert guys have a latent hatred of wolves? Do they even know what wolves are? I think Papa Nier and friends drove wolves to extinction... Among other things...

That cannot be comfortable having a buzzsaw attached to your waste and spinning directly in front of your head non-stop. Then again, I wasn�t born with a saw affixed to my hip and churning at all times. So maybe you�d get used to it.

The standard version of the Desert Stubby has fun animations. :3:

Look at this doofus trying to be cool with his cape and 80G sword he got off MachinEbay.

You think the machine lifeforms try doing cool moves and poses for each other in their downtime?

The wood grain finish and custom paint job seems like a good idea at first. But then oops! Turns out sand weathers it down to a chipped up mess within a couple months and the paint is already fading the first week and dang it!

I dunno, having a cape and a hovercraft seems like it could be a bad scene. Just throwing that out there...

Amusement Park Machines

Please don�t try murdering the parading nice robots. They will not take your bullshit, androids.

Note, the only way to unlock most of these entries is to go murder the poo poo out of them like a jerk. Someday... Not today.

Special Unit Machines

Marx was, in fact, just a repurposed bucket excavator with a murderous machine AI with a lust for android blood shoved into it. Sadly, the game does not do that very often. No Killdozer appearances will be happening.

I bet the aliens considered revamping Engel�s design to engineer out the whole �bursting into flames while attacking� bit and another alien slapped the first one upside the head and went �No that poo poo is rad! Keep it in!�

Aww yeah. Dickless Sephiroth flaunting his Ken Doll physique.

Oh by the way, that second naked dude that crawled out of Adam wasn�t just a resurrected clone like Zero did in Drakengard 3. That was a second dude, Eve. He�s got a sad flat white butt. Clearly the lesser brother here.

Huh. Simone was a cannibal, eh? That�s uhh... Wait, machine lifeforms eat? But how does that...? Wait...

Oh, right! That makes more sense! Welp, that�s everyone for now! I�ll probably start compiling all the new robot lads we encounter at the ends of chapters from here on out, now that we�ve got a decent stock rolling in.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 02:39 on May 1, 2017

# ¿ Apr 30, 2017 18:19

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

I added a bunch of junk to the previous update. Look at all those special boys!

# ¿ May 1, 2017 02:25

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Kavak posted:

Are you one of the McElroy brothers using Id's account? You have to tell me if you're a McElroy, it's the law.

No. I can figure out fishing mini-games.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 02:54 on May 1, 2017

# ¿ May 1, 2017 02:38

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Next update ought to be tomorrow. I'm fixing up my computer today. Also my daughter started the third playthrough of this and I'm watching that. Also I'll probably be starting a goddamn Limbo of the Lost revisit VLP soon thanks to Patreon nonsense. So that'll be fun... Fun. Fun...? In the meantime, I'm doing a stream of the final three episode of Twin Peaks over here at 10:00 PM EDT, if that's your kinda scene:
http://www.ustream.tv/channel/2a7ywrawYVH

Feel free to watch the origin of an 26 year set of blueballs.

# ¿ May 2, 2017 23:07

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Coughing Hobo posted:

Why.

Id. Why.

why

I was drunk this morning and thought it would be a funny thing to do as a goof. :suicide:

# ¿ May 2, 2017 23:13

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

The Dark Id posted:

Next update ought to be tomorrow. I'm fixing up my computer today. Also my daughter started the third playthrough of this and I'm watching that. Also I'll probably be starting a goddamn Limbo of the Lost revisit VLP soon thanks to Patreon nonsense. So that'll be fun... Fun. Fun...? In the meantime, I'm doing a stream of the final three episode of Twin Peaks over here at 10:00 PM EDT, if that's your kinda scene:
http://www.ustream.tv/channel/2a7ywrawYVH

Feel free to watch the origin of an 26 year set of blueballs.

This is starting at the top of the hour! Come at least see why that final episode was some bullshit!

# ¿ May 3, 2017 02:18

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Sorry for the delay. Had to repair my computer. We should be back on track here on out.

Episode XXI: Pascal

Looks like they really don�t want to fight.

Okay... I suppose we can shelve our intense bloodlust for machine lifeforms for just a little bit while we investigate this anomaly. Our objective marker is now pointing us to the solitary non-orb based machine. What�s the deal with the can head, dude? I thought it was agreed at the end of the 13th Machine War that machines were all going to get sphere heads and androids were all getting great butts for Round 14. You got some explaining to do...

New Music: Pascal (Vocal) (You should listen to this. It�s intensely cute. :3:

)

Before we begin, there�s something you must understand... We are not your enemies.

2B, we can�t trust anything the machines say!

I understand that you see us as the enemy, but... Well, anyway. My name is Pascal. I�m the leader of this village. Those who reside here desire nothing more than to live a peaceful existence. Look around for yourself. You�ll see that it�s true.

Alright. I guess we can humor the friendly robot and poke around the village. Why do you guys have a Save Terminal installed here? I mean, it�s cool you�re not angrily kicking it like most machines we come across. Still...

As you can see, there�s a couple sidequests (indicated by those smaller red blips) in the village. We�re not going to take those quite yet. One of them is a HUGE goddamn mistake to take before fast travel unlocks (quite soon.) Yeah... I didn�t hoof it clear across the desert and then have to walk all the way back in a 20 minute round trip. No sir!

OK. The little dude that�s just having a fun time waving his flag around sold me. These guys seem OK. Let�s go see what this Pascal wants from us. If you�re wondering if Pascal is following the machine lifeforms� naming scheme, yep! He�s named after Blaise Pascal, a French mathematician and philosopher from the 1600s. Unrelated, Blaze Pascal was a drug dealing neighbor I had back in high school. Good guy. Had some great product. Fairly certain he's in prison these days...

In fact, I�m hoping you can take this to Anemone in the Resistance camp.

What is it?

It�s a fuel filter that she requested. If you take it to her, it should make it clear that we�re a peaceful group.

All right.

Pascal�s Law is a principle in fluid mechanics that states that a pressure change occurring anywhere in a confined incompressible fluid is transmitted throughout the fluid such that the same change occurs everywhere. This quest only exists to make a science joke like 2% of people who play this will get. And I can respect that. :v:

Back to the Resistance Camp, huh? That�s a bit of a hike back the way we came. But we skipped past a different path leading into the Machine Village after our hike from the Amusement Park.

After a short jog through the woods, the new path dumps us out by that rope bridge and the radio tower to the north of Resistance Camp.

There�s a big ol� block in the way in front of a barrier we can now shove out of the way and create a shortcut back to the City Ruins. Granted, we�re like two plot beats from unlocking fast travel and shortcuts become rather moot after that. But hey, it�ll help for now.

Unlike 9S, who is just content to watch as 2B struggles with shoving this five ton block and opening the path. No, it�s fine buddy. I know you�re here for moral support. Thanks a bunch... _{_{_Idiot.}}

2B�s radio beeps with a call from 6O.

*sobs*

2B here. What�s wrong?

Oh... *sniff* there�s this operator I kind of liked, but... when I asked her out, she turned me doooooooown! *cries*

*sniff* Honestly, 2B? I don�t know how I�m supposed to go on liiiiving. *sniff*

I am definitely not the person to discuss this with.

*shakes head* Oooooh... I don�t think I can stand spending one more day in this Bunker...

.....

You leaving would be bad for me. It would affect mission efficiency.

*sniffles* A-Are you saying you need me, 2B?

All model-B combat units require assistance of an operator. So...

2BEEEEE...

That�s all. Closing this channel.

Emotions are prohibited. Please... no more emotions. I�m begging you. We have work to do. I cannot be dealing with this trifling bullshit coming from space! You had an entire horoscope to warn you about this, 6O! C'mon!

Music: Peaceful Sleep

Anyway, back to the Resistance Camp. It�s been a bit since we�ve stocked up on supplies and boy do we have a lot of vendor trash to offload after I was stuck in fishing RNG purgatory for 40 minutes.

That�s 28,000 G from Iron Pipe debacle. Another 11,000 from that quick fishing expedition last time. And finally, we randomly picked up a couple of Machine Cores. Machine Cores are the most valuable vendor trash in the game. They go for 10,000 G a pop right now. But saving them up until late game over doubles their value. It�s best to sell a Machine Core if we�re trying to specifically buy something at the moment. Otherwise, they can be saved for a rainy day.

Fun fact: The Party Tank was the first guaranteed Machine Core drop. You monsters.

We�re going to use our newfound wealth to further improve 2B�s chip storage space. Another 24 slots ain�t too shabby.

I don�t have any particularly noteworthy chips to slot in at the moment. Moving Speed makes 2B run slightly faster. Ranged Attack Up buffs Pod Program Gatling/Missile. Melee Defense just makes 2B able to take a hit like a champ.

Finally, we may as well burn through the rest of our war chest and clean out the last of the Weapon Trader�s stock. I�m sure Accord will be thrilled she�s been cleaned out in such short order. Wherever in the multi-verse she and her duplicates are hanging out.

Ancient Overlord is another Small Sword. It�s not particularly good initially. It�s really fast but its range is teeny and damage output is one of the worst available right now. However at its first upgrade, it gets Critical+ and that definitely improves its DPS since Criticals are disgusting. At max level, it gains Bullet Rupture, which makes the enemy�s plasma orbs explode, damaging them if struck by the burst. Which... OK? Optimally, you don�t wanna have orbs up in your grill around enemies. But don�t let me hold you back from living your life dangerously.

It�s worth a mention that Ancient Overlord appeared in Drakengard 1 and 2 as the Kingsblood. It was also in the original NieR. It was a gift from the King of Fa�ade after Papa Nier helped drive the wolves to extinction! Let�s hear its tale...

Ancient Overlord posted:

One day, a young girl's village was sacked by bandits. To protect her family, she took up a dagger her father had found in the mountains and killed one of them, an act that shocked her family. But the bandits fled, never to return.

Five years passed. Then ten. Then twenty. Though the family she protected began to grow old, the girl never aged. Eventually the other villagers began to shun her.

With no one to turn to, she finally left her village and began to wander the earth, visiting many strange lands in the process. As the years passed, her skill and fame as a master swordfighter grew to legend.

Eternal life, a powerful weapon, and boundless experience - she used these talents to become queen of a nation. And yet, there was emptiness in her life, for she still desired the kindness her family denied her after that fateful day.

Good grief! Count your goddamn blessings if the worst thing that happens to you in a Weapon History is your family are frigid dicks. Some girl got a taxidermist to stuff her a few weapons ago. You are well off.

In any case, we�re done with our merchant dealings. Let�s head over to Anemone and ask what�s the deal with her consorting with machines is. That has gotta be frowned upon somewhere in the android handbook.

...A fuel filter? Ah, perfect timing�we were running low. Wait, you met Pascal?

Sure did. So you�ve been consorting with machines, huh?

Just the ones in the village. They�re totally harmless, and they also have the means to construct intricate devices that we can�t. In exchange, we provide them with oil and other materials. I guess you�d call it a form of commerce.

I see...

Anyway, if you�re headed back there, please take this high-viscosity oil to Pascal.

Really? You�re sending us straight back to the Machine Village? We really should have gotten that little dude on the hovercraft to come with us and ferry this back. Oh well, let�s get on with this.

The radio rings as 2B exits the camp.

Gah! He just started transmitting to us directly...

Now do you believe we�re not a threat?

Your mouth can say anything it wants... But you still don�t have a heart.

I suppose that�s... technically accurate. Yes, well, you�re free to visit our village whenever you like.

9S, maybe cool it on the robot racism a bit. We�re androids. In case you�ve forgotten, we don�t technically have hearts either. We rip a black cube out of our chest that causes a nuclear explosion if they connect.

Anyway, let�s head back to the Machine Village and complete this FedEx quest between the robot factions. Boy I�m going to be glad when Fast Travel is available.

New Music: Pascal

Pascal�s village has now reset to a neutral state and everyone now has unique dialogue. A couple of machines have also set up shops at the town entrance. We�re gonna opt to ignore all of this and continue with the main plot threads. Don�t worry, we�re going to be back in this village for quite a few updates in the near future.

Come play with us!

Okay, but after we�re done, you have to study. Do you promise?

Okay! I�ll study later!

Yeah! We�ll study later!

*noticing the androids* Oh, you brought me some high-viscosity oil! Anemone is just so kind and understanding. If only all androids and machines could live together in peace like this...

Never gonna happen.

I guess not... I�d appreciate it if you could help out some of the other machines as well, though. After all, the only way to understand someone is to get to know them. Isn�t that right?

Fair enough.

Music ENDS

What�s that noise?

*ring-ring* 2B, this is an emergency transmission from the Bunker! We�re reading a Goliath-class enemy inside the city ruins! And it looks like there are a ton of other machines there with it! All YoRHa units should proceed and engage immediately!

A Goliath!? This WAS a trap! I knew it!

...I promise you, we were not aware of this information. I realize the odds of you believing me are strikingly low... But I hope you will nonetheless.

We�ll sort it out later. Let�s go.

It�s always something. This has been the frikkin� longest day. Mostly because it�s eternally daytime. It recently got confirmed that North America is an eternally dark hellscape. So that�s fun. Anyway, let�s head back but ehh... let�s take the scenic route. We�ve already run back and forth the same path to the Camp two times now.

Alert: Leaving the operational area has resulted in significant allied casualties.

Yeah, yeah. We�re just going to swing past the Amusement Park. It�s like three minutes longer a trek. It�ll be just fi�

The extinction of YoRHa is also surely a matter of time.

...

......

.......Wait, poo poo! When did I save the game last...? Son of a...

Video: Episode 21 Highlight Reel

Pascal Official Art � Why isn�t your head an orb? I thought that was illegal.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 18:21 on May 7, 2017

# ¿ May 5, 2017 21:04

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode XXII: Urban Violence

Alright, let�s try that again. Since the last time I saved was roughly two minutes ago because I diligently save every time I�m near a Terminal as it takes all of 0.57 seconds. If at any point in the game, DC Douglas Adams Pod pipes in with �maybe get back to the mission area� while poo poo is clearly popping off, it�s almost certain to trigger a bad ending if we ignore him. In this case, going to the Amusement Park (by the one in Pascal�s Village or the initial one), heading to the Desert or wandering over to the Factory will trigger that ending.

Though to be frank, that one is kinda rude since the game doesn�t actually point out the shortcut back to the City Ruins and it�s kinda easy to miss given the wonky fixed camera angle views. I had enough Survival Horror training to push against any obscured camera angle. But I can see people missing it. Especially if they�ve not turned on the fixed mini-map.

2B! Command is deploying new flight units for us! They just set the coordinates, so let�s get going.

On it.

Music: Grandma (Destruction)

Things are going poorly back in the City Ruins. Even the mighty moose are fleeing for the hills. As is the general color in the area. It�s probably OK... World desaturation isn�t a big deal. There�s only one color in space and the Operators seem to be getting along err... fine...ish.

More pressingly, missiles are randomly raining down in our android�s paths. That�s what those circular marks on the ground indicate. I�ve never gotten hit with a missile here and had to wait around for about 15 seconds for one to show up. In that time 2B can run half the distance of the city.

Our destination on the map indicates we�re to return to the roof of the building where we first landed in the City Ruins. That�s a couple blocks over. Let�s see if we can�t cut through a few back alleys to shorten the distance here.

Feet...? The hell are you going on abo�

SWEET FANCY BEEPY! 9S, I thought you were some kind of Scanner model. You�ve gotta tell me if your special eyes Detective Eagle vision, or however that works, picked up that there�s a five story dude the next block over. That would be helpful information to possess!

OK. Let�s maybe head a few blocks south of the rampaging Engels unit and try that again...

It�ll be dangerous, but we�re not going anywhere unless we pass through that Goliath�s legs. We should be careful.

Alright, got it. Don�t get stepped on by the walking oil rig. We�ll try to keep that in mind. Thankfully, this Engels seems to be extremely mad at the building ruins ahead of it for some reason and won�t pay our androids much mind.

On the downside, that�s the same building we have to climb to reach our flight units. Maybe if we�re very quiet we can sneak past that Engels Goliath and active the flight units before it takes noti�

Aaaah!

Dammit!

New Music: Grandma (Destruction - Vocal) (It�s the full version of a Nier 1 remix track. Of course you should listen to it!)

NOOOOOPE! This is happening now! The means of production is back and it�s PISSED! Thankfully, it�s only at Level 3. On the other hand, it�s still 100 times bigger than us and hits like a truck accordingly.

Displaying data on central wiring hub!

9S, please cool it with the techno-babble. None of those words mean anything. You just copied that from an old Star Trek episode involving the Borg. You can�t fool me, 9Steve. I�m onto your game.

I�m also onto Engels game. This fight isn�t hugely different from our Prologue encounter with this type of enemy. Indeed, it has less tools at its disposal. This one doesn�t seem to have equipped its mouth laser cannon or its AA missile batteries. Instead, it just vomits a stream of energy orbs in random directions or in very basic patterns.

It�s also more of a puncher than its predecessor. It has a series of one-two punches with both arms that can almost entirely be evaded by just standing directly in the middle of the battleground and scooting accordingly slightly to the right or left. It follows this up by punching with BOTH arms, which is entirely avoided by simply standing still in the middle of the area.

As far as our offensive capabilities go, Pod 042�s Gatling is our bread and butter with the small post-punching opportunities to slash the arms with our melee weapons. Its patterns are all very simple and there�s no threat of it destroying the platform as there was when fighting the original Engels.

The Laser Pod Program can periodically be tagged in (and charged up to Level 2 now!) Both the Hammer Pod Program and the Missiles Pod are pretty drat worthless. Hammer is too slow unless charged up beforehand in response to one of Engel�s punches. Missiles will lock onto the closest available target. Which is fine when Engels is just shooting orbs or cooling it for a minute with attacking. But its arms (do they still count as Marx units?) are also valid targets, so missiles will attempt to steer towards them if Engels is attacking. And they do NOT possess the speed to keep up and hit moving targets reliably.

In any case, that�s one Goliath class machine down. We still have that other one to deal with in the center of the city. The property value is already tanking in this neighborhood. We don�t need it to sink any lower.

Operator 6O rings in again.

Make sure to approach at low altitude.

Copy that.

Off we go! Huh... that dead Engels is just going to sit there taking up space, huh? That�s really going to put a damper on the ruined skyline. Maybe we can put, I dunno... A big tarp over it? Maybe paint �Androids Rule!� on the side. That�ll show the machines.

Time for Round 2. Guys, let�s try not to nuke ourselves this time around. I cannot image the Resistance will appreciate our leveling a quarter of the city. That�s just rude as heck to do to allies� neighborhood.

Unlike the first Engels, the second unit DID manage to install a face laser and back missiles like a diligent death bot. Two levels make all the difference with machine lifeforms.

But two can play that game! Fun fact: in the flight units we can switch Pods just like on the ground and use missiles. Both Pods also have the Missile Burst on different cooldown times, so we can use two in a row. Missiles are complete garbage in shmup sequences. Missile damage output is like maybe 25% of what Gatling can accomplish in the same span. That�s not even taking into consideration it does dick to deal with orb fire too. Missiles are really bad for this segment and fall off dramatically in the rest of the game soon. Shame.

Anyway, this fight is virtually identically to when we took on Engels from a flight unit earlier, just from an overhead perspective. I think we might make it out of this one without having to suicide bomb the area. :toot:

Music: ENDS

Oh man... we�re gonna need SUCH a huge tarp to put over this ugly thing. Hmph... Maybe we could enlist our new friends in the Machine Village to do some knitting... Can machines knit? That�s som�

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Back at the Bunker, they�re already prepping to fire up one of the 3D Printer terminals to build a new 9S and 2B.

Hey, remember that chapter title, The Excavated Land. Yeah well, several entire buildings just fell into a sink hole. That�s probably not correlated, right? Just a weird coincidence.

It�s resonating in tandem with the area beneath the combat zone!

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR!!!

...This is totally not our fault! The factory bridge was one thing. We�re not taking the blame for this one, 9S. You�ve gotta have 2B�s back on reporting this one.

�Missiles are within an air defense sector and in immediate vicinity�s air defense sector with high robability of entering the region.�

Yeah, I know 9S. I can�t believe they typoed probability. The hell are YoRHa R&D doing with their time if this gets overlooked in beta testing. Shameful.

Oh yeah, also the Aliens are back.

...

...Is that good? That doesn't seem good.

...were hiding underground?

Tune in next time when 2B and 9S go meet some illegal aliens hiding in an underground base. What�s the worst that can happen, right? ...Right?

Video: Episode 22 Highlight Reel (There�s a boss fight. You should probably watch it.)

Flight Unit Concept Art � Glad with have detailed info on how 2B�s thighs figure into the flight configuration.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 18:23 on May 7, 2017

# ¿ May 6, 2017 21:45

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode XXIII: Mars People

Welp... Our mission was to destroy the Goliath-class machine lifeforms attacking the city ruins. Mission accomplished! We were given zero mission parameters regarding minimalizing collateral damage. So I don�t even want to hear it about the several city blocks that were just obliterated. We did our job.

2B�s radio beeps with a message from the Commander.

For the first time in centuries, we�ve intercepted a signal belonging to the aliens. These are the creatures that are in direct command of the machine lifeforms of this planet. If we can destroy them, we can end this long and arduous war once and for all! Our intel team is hard at work attempting to analyze the source of the signal, but we�re not there yet. We need more data. All YoRHa units are hereby ordered to prioritize data collection above all else. We can�t let this chance slip through our fingers!

...Glory to mankind.

But it seems to be underground. Like, waaay underground.

Guess we�ll see once we get there.

You�re not much for plans, are you, 2B?

Commander, you could have just asked us to go check out that signal instead of putting out an all-points bulletin to every YoRHa unit in the field. We�re like two city blocks away. You�re going to make those poor YoRHa soldiers investigating that oil spill in the Desert huff it all the way out here for nothing now. Oh well, not our problem.

What is our problem is the mess left behind by the previous battle. Several blocks of the city have now fallen into a massive sink hole thanks to that detonating Engels unit. At least they both didn�t explode. That other one got trashed pretty close to the Resistance Camp. The camp itself is fine. Everyone over there is just kinda relieved the crazy rear end character action game protagonists with their top of the line twin-stick shooter crafts were in the area to help. Two Goliaths were a wee bit above their skill level.

Analysis: It is a cave-in caused by the collapse of an open space underground.

Why is there such a huge cavern beneath the city?

I guess that�s what we�re about to go find out, buddy. Honestly, I�m glad this area is now here. Mostly because running around the early parts of the intact city ruins is really weird after you�ve spent about 90% of the game used to this huge rear end hole in the middle of town. Also, when I said to mainline the plot until you�re tasked to investigate a large hole because that�s where fast travel is unlocked.

Guess what this hole is!

Before we can advance further into this hole, we�ve got a new enemy to contend with first. It is quite possibly the most obnoxious one in the early game! To the point I�d actively tell you to just gently caress these guys and run past them until later, in which there is a method to deal with �em 100% easier.

Meet the Link-Sphere Machine Lifeform (Drill Edition.) They are weird flying snake things that float randomly about the area, until they spot an android. At which point, they�ll float randomly around the area vaguely in the direction of our duo. They don�t really have any set patterns. They just kinda go and do what they want whenever.

The glowing orange yellow sphere along their body, for lack of a better term, is the solitary weak point on the Linked-Sphere machines. Everything else is completely bullet and melee proof. Missiles are 100% worthless against these machines. Don�t even bother. Maybe one out of every dozen missiles will actually connect. The best way to deal with these machines is to just back off, make a wide circle away from �em, and fire continuously. If we�re lucky, they won�t start spinning in circles making the weak point impossible to hit for a while.

We could attempt getting close and melee the Linked-Sphere machine. Except, when close their movements become extremely erratic and all the other Linked-Sphere boys in the neighborhood will come to create a massive clusterfuck. Most pressingly, the Link-Sphere machines� hurtbox are kinda horrendous! Like the area where one will hurt 2B and where the actual enemy model is located can seemingly just jump feet away from each other. And 2B can easily be comboed with hits since at times (but not always) the entire Linked-Sphere will deal damage for no particular reason (they're technically electrified but the model doesn't reflect that half the time.) So that�s fun! Everyone likes to be stun-locked by a new enemy!

Nothing about fighting these guys is fun or satisfying. They have zero reaction to being attacked until they explode on death. They�re just terribly designed enemies that thankfully don�t show up too often. There is some kinda clause in Platinum Games� contracts that state they have to have one terrible unfun lovely enemy type per game.

But we�re done with that. It�s time to go deeper!

There must have been a hollow down there this whole time.

New Music: Widespread Illness (Quiet)

Welp. 2B ain�t much for plans. So let�s just hop down in this hole and see what�s crackin�. Sure, there�s currently no way back up and it�s been established that radio communications are very unreliable underground. But pfft. Push comes to shove, 2B can just rip her brain out again and reload an earlier save. It�s fine.

It�s seldom been mentioned, and I think this is the first time the game gives a proper tutorial prompt for it, but the Pods have a flashlight ability. You�d think they would programmed advanced war machine androids with night vision capabilities, especially when they�re all already wearing augmented reality goggles. But what do I know?

It wouldn�t be a Platinum game if there wasn�t poorly documented features. There is a secondary function to the flashlight. If we flash our light in a machine�s face repeatedly like a dick, that�s actually this game�s taunt feature. Doing this will cause steam to comically shoot out of the targeted machine�s head and their eyes to glow burning red.

At this point, the taunted machines will get far more aggressive with their attacking. More importantly, they both deal and receive double damage while taunted. We can gain chips that up those Taunting percentages to the point it�s possible to do some serious rear end damage on taunted enemies. They just, ya know, never explain HOW you taunt and flashing a light repeatedly in a machine�s eyes is less than obvious. Like, I didn�t know about this feature until well over half way through the game!

Despite having just collapsed shortly ago, the machine have already set up burning torches to light parts of the subterranean corridors. I guess the aliens didn�t bother programming them with night vision either. I know it�s eternally sunlight on this half of the planet. But c�mon... indoor areas do exist, guys.

Music: Widespread Illness (Vocal)

There is one additional new enemy to be found in these mines: the Sphere-Shaped Machine Lifeform (Drill Edition.) These guys err... well, they�ve got a drill affixed to the top of their heads and can fly. They use this combination exactly like you�d expect them to do.

And that�s about it... Evade the torpedo attack and you�re good! They�re very slow to attack in the first place, so more likely than not it�ll be a very short existence before meeting an android and being scrapped. Unlike their snake-like dick big brothers, everything damages the little drill guys and they have very low HP.

Further into the tunnels, the path splits. One dead ends at an elevator door we cannot access at this time. We�ll just add that to the ever growing mental list of things we�ll remember for later.

The other path leads deeper into the mines, in which we find a futuristic set of stairs leading into an ominous looking doorway... One might say it is downright alien looking. Also, there is a whole mess of dead machine lifeforms littering the path here on out.

The corridor continues onward into a few Halo rear end looking identical rooms, still lined with dead machines, until we come upon...

I don�t know. There�s nothing like it in the database.

Guys, I�m not going to tell you how to do your jobs. But I can spot a video game boss arena from a hundred paces and this is DEFINITELY going to be a boss arena. I hope you�re ready to Zandatsu E.T. or Red Hot Kick Alf in a minute here.

As the androids approach the perimeter of the room, a mechanism activates sliding open the walls of the room, letting in sunlight and revealing...

...Giant shriveled up scrotums. Err... Like I�m not projecting here, right? That�s just a giant penis with eye sockets, a couple nose holes and tentacles coming out of the bottom... I mean... That's what we're all looking at right here, right?

2B! Look!

9S, look man. I know you don�t wanna look at the extraphallicterrestrials but we should probably investigate these masters of our sworn enemy in the ten millennium war being kinda dead down here. I mean, what if there�s more still aro�

Oh... Huh... Welp... The aliens. They�re all dead down here, aren�t they?

...Err. Thanks for clearing that up. Hey there, boys. I see you�ve learned about leather pants, tribal tats and getting haircuts. Also talking in complete sentences. That�s cool. So you guys are doing OK? What�s umm...

Tune in next time when a civil discussion between great butt androids and great abs machines in a room full of great big dead dicks...

Video: Episode 23 Highlight Reel

Alien Ship Concept Art � A little more rigidly structured than what we got in the end.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 02:21 on May 10, 2017

# ¿ May 9, 2017 20:22

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

I just tried equipping that chip and it didn't say dick. It did, however, unannounced go straight into the clusterfuck of a tutorial section with every other tutorial ever unlocked all unsorted. gently caress that. Platinum ain't getting a pass on its poo poo documentation with that garbage. Get it to-loving-gether, Platinum. Cavia was better at tutorials than you. Cavia should not be better at you than anything.

# ¿ May 10, 2017 00:08

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode XIV: Proposal

Welp, the machine boys learned pants. However, their mastery of belts and buttons aren�t quite there yet. But I�m going to guess that�s probably not what they�re here to discuss...

New Music: End of the Unknown (Quiet)

2B, 9S... I�m not quite sure of this questionable tactic of jumping to opposite ends of the room and assuming battle stance on a 2D plane. That seems an unnecessarily convoluted play.

2B! Look out!

My name is Adam. The aliens you seek are no longer here. They were wiped out centuries ago. ...By us. The machines.

Wiped out?

And who knows? Perhaps we�ll wipe out the androids next.

New Music: End of the Unknown (Dynamic) (You should listen to this Tekken rear end boss jam.)

We took on Adam last time. I guess it�s time we did battle with Eve this go around. Though, I suppose... �battle� is a strong word. There is a fight about to go down but it is actually more of a glorified cutscene. We can do damage to Eve. Eve can straight up kill 2B if she�s not careful. But the battle itself is just window dressing for the civil discussion Adam is having with the androids and it is impossible to win until everyone is done saying their piece.

That said, right out the gate Eve just loving Shoryuken�d 2B across the arena. Hell of a first hit! I�ll give you that one, boyo. This fight is restricted to a 2D plane with 2B vs Eve in the front and 9S vs Adam in the back. All of those fighting game allusions I made in the first Adam fight are just straight up true now in this 2v2 bout. But with that in mind, Adam just taught most of his fighting game moves to Eve. There�s not actually any new moves present in this battle. If anything, they�ve forgotten some from the previous match up.

Honestly, all there is to this fight is don�t get punched/kicked in the face, attack Eve if he leaves himself open just to stun him for a bit and avoiding his parries because he�s WAY more on the ball with that than newly born Adam. And I suppose don�t die before this conversation ends... That�s literally it. It�s a glorified cutscene where you can die if you�re particularly bad at the game (or are playing on Hard.)

Machines are weapons capable of evolution. We can grow. We can become... aware. Eventually, the intelligence within our network began to surpass that of our creators. You�d probably be surprised at how quickly it happened.

You destroyed your own creators!?

Oh, there�s no need to fret about them. They were simple. Infantile. Almost like... plants, I guess you�d say. They held no value to us. But the humans on the moon? Now THEY are interesting.

Why them?

Because they are an enigma! They killed uncountable numbers of their own, and yet loved in equal measure! It�s fascinating, don�t you think? What could possibly drive such behavior? We have dedicated ourselves to unraveling this riddle of humanity... And now we will allow you to assist us. You were made in their image, after all.

Assist you with what!?

It�s simple... We need you to locate the humans on the moon and bring them to us. We will then dissect and analyze them in order to drag their secrets forth into the light! Surely you see the attraction in this.

Are you insane!? We�d never do that! Can you believe this, 2B? This guy�s bonkers!

Well. I suppose this concludes negotiations. The only remaining option... is to destroy you. The same way we destroyed these pathetic little aliens.

And with that line, diplomacy has failed and the battle is concluded. Hey! We Leveled Up for not betraying humanity to a shirtless boy band. How about that!

As for your beloved humans... I guess we�ll see, won�t we?

And with that, Adam and Eve peace out of the alien ship. You know guys, if you wanted to go to the moon to see what the deal is with humanity maybe you shouldn�t have smashed all of your creator�s spaceships during your whole �NO gently caress YOU DAD!� genocide... Just sayin�...

Music: Widespread Illness (Vocal)

Yeah. We�d better get back to the Bunker.

Welp. That concludes our time dealing with the aliens and their hidden base. There�s literally nothing left to it. Not even any loot. Sorry, no Mars People blaster accessory for Pod 042 or interesting lore logs about the aliens' history and the early days of the invasion. They're all long dead centuries before the game began and the machines killed them. That's it for their role in the story! Those shriveled up dicks are the closest we're ever getting to alien contact.

Stop complaining.

Yeah, yeah.

Shortly after leaving the alien bunker, 2B receives a radio transmission...

We now have an operational transporter in the city ruins. We�re attempting to deploy them at other points as well.

About time we had access to those!

Care to fill me in?

Transporters? They let you transfer your consciousness to a temporary body back in the Bunker. I heard some tech guys talking about it a while ago, but I didn�t know they�d finally got it working. Anyway, I�ll mark the positional data on the map.

Blah blah blah. Just say �fast travel� 9S. You�re talking about fast travel. It�s finally here! All we need to do is make it to the end of this big ol� hole we initially jumped into.

Someone was nice enough to install a ladder in case 9S and 2B ever wanted to, ya know, climb out of the hole they hastily jumped into earlier. That was kind of �em. There could have just easily been a bad ending of 9S and 2B trapped at the bottom of a big rear end hole because they were too dumb to prepare an exit strategy. We should probably thank the helpful android in question. And that would be...

You again...

Your commander told me to build a new access point, so... here ya go. Oh, and I got the stupid transporter up and running too.

Um, thank you?

I�ve known the Commander for a while now. She sure is good at pawning work off on people. Next time you see her, give her some lip for me, will ya?

Still, transporters ARE pretty handy! They�re WAY faster than flight units when it comes to travelling between Earth and the Bunker. Flight units also leave us open to attack, and they�re expensive to operate, too.

You should be able to zap yourself here from other transporters now.

You�re certainly... active in a lot of areas, aren�t you?

Shut the hell up. ...You�ll make me blush.

Yep. Jackass is the best android. Any of your other android choices are wrong. Anyway, let�s take a look at our handy-dandy new upgraded Access Point!

We now have access to a teleport back to every single Access Point/Save Terminal that we�ve activated up to this point. That�s why I�d been going out of my way to point �em all out so far and be diligent in activating them all. This makes getting everyone a hundred times quicker and easier. Which also means it�s probably time to tackle some sidequests we�ve been putting off. And BOY have a lot of �em unlocked right about now.

But that�s a story for another day. For now, we�re going to return to the Bunker as Chapter 5 draws to a conclusion. Tune in next time for mission reports and a whirlwind trip of quest options I�ll let you all decide on, next time as NieR: Automata continues!

Video: Episode 24 Highlight Reel (It�s a pseudo-boss fight and first proper discussion with the main villains. You should PROBABLY watch it.)

Alien Ship Graveyard Concept Art � Nice job half-assing it on smashing up all the ships up after the alien genocide, Marx. No wonder you�re just arms for Engels nowadays.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 16:49 on May 11, 2017

# ¿ May 10, 2017 18:12

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode XXV: Executing Orders

Music: Fortress of Lies (Vocal)

Then they were dead this whole time... The Council of Humanity needs time to formulate a plan. Until then, this information must be kept confidential. Speak of it to no one.

Of course.

Your next mission is to gather additional intel on the individual known as �Pascal.�

You mean that freaky machine we ran into?

This order comes directly from the Council. Knowledge of such unique individuals is essential for the success of future missions.

Understood.

Welcome back to space. It�s still desaturated up here. Our newest main mission objective is a recon job investigating further what Pascal�s deal is over in the Machine Village. Which boils down to... we just gotta go talk to Pascal and ask him some questions about recent events. And he�ll happily answer them to the best of his abilities because Pascal is a top boy. But there is no rush in doing that immediately. Pascal isn�t going anywhere. While we are back in the neighborhood, we can take the time to explore the Bunker a little bit. Dialogue for NPCs has changed since last time we were here. Most of it is irrelevant inane chatter and the occasional android flirting. But the Operators near the Commander have a few interesting things to say.

Every time we track him down, he manages to slip through our fingers. How does he keep doing that!?

......

Sorry, but the investigation into the humanoid machines is stalled; I don�t have any new information for you. The humanoid machines� battle abilities appear to be growing. The troops we sent to investigate were completely wiped out. So don�t let your guard down! If you run into one out there, destroy it at once!

I�m guessing they have plenty of things to worry about. I shouldn�t run around spouting off such petty concerns. We also didn�t get instructions from headquarters about how to handle those humanoid machines. Maybe they�re just trusting us to deal with it? Or maybe... I mean, what if they�re just not interested in Earth anymore?

So YoRHa has at least been making an effort to deal with Adam and Eve beyond throwing 2B and 9S at the problem exclusively. And the Council of Humanity is throwing a kegger this weekend and has their work phones turned off. Looks like it�s up to us to do everything here... Especially, given the mess of emails we just received. Oh well. Let�s head out.

And now we have to go back to the city ruins.

......

Why don�t we rest a bit, 2B? It�s been a while.

I�ll rest if I feel like it.

Man, this job can be pretty rough sometimes, huh?

We don�t get to choose our assignments. And you should work on keeping your opinions in check. YoRHa aren�t allowed to be emotional, remember?

I think some of us are better at that than others... Speaking of emotion, those Adam and Eve units sure seemed less than logical.

I�m heading to the transporter.

Fiiine.

9S, c�mon man. 2B clearly just wants to put in her 9-5 killing machines and not get into it beyond that. Take a hint, my dude. Before you get a YoRHa HR Section-E complaint filed against you, kid. Before things can escalate, let�s go check our emails at the Access Point.

We actually received this email almost immediately upon approaching the City Ruins sinkhole. But aborting the investigation to go check our spam folder didn�t seem the most pressing of issues at the time. However, upon reading this 6O immediately contacts 2B over the radio and a new sidequest is initiated.

�YoRHa Betrayers� accepted.

Operator 6O to 2B. Be aware that the following transmission is classified Privilege Level 5. A group of YoRHa fighters deployed to the city ruins have deserted. We need you to take care of them immediately. But don�t get yourself hurt, all right? *disconnects*

YoRHa members deserting? And attacking the Resistance, no less...?

......

Proposal: Rogue YoRHa units should be captured and detained in order to keep collateral damage at a minimum.

Detained? Easy for you to say.

This will be our sidequest today. We�re going to go capture some AWOL YoRHa members. I�m sure it�ll be fine. But before we set out for that, we do have a couple more emails...

Jackass has a free fish meal for us. Maybe next time, Jackass. For science.

Pascal, that�s real friendly of you and all. We�ll definitely come check it out later. But... Pascal, buddy. How the hell did you get 2B�s email address...? Tch. I bet it�s just like �2B@yorha.net� or something extremely easy to find.

Anyway, that�s enough for the Bunker. Let�s head back down to the surface and get to business. 9S, get your own terminal. This one is occupied.

Music: Peaceful Sleep

As you can see on the mini-map, there are QUITE a few new quests available in the world following our scuffle with Adam and Eve. We�ll check them out another day. We did technically get YoRHa betrayers before any of these latecomers arrived. So we�re sticking with that.

In the meantime, I�m putting the Hammer Pod Program in the trash bin where it belong. I tried that thing after some people defended it. Naw. That Pod Program is trash the moment a lock-on breaks and you�re crazy people. This is not an invitation to argue this point. I don�t care and neither does anyone else!

Also, I dropped the Drop Up chips in favor of one that restores +1 HP constantly if 2B remains undamaged for more than 20 seconds. It�s pretty handy.

Instead, we�re going to swap that out with R020 Mirage and give that for a spin.

Mirage is a Pod Program quite similar to Dark Phantasm from the original NieR. In that it�s basically the same move, just with MUCH less range. Mostly because Dark Phantasm was broken as hell in the first title. The way Mirage works is holding the Pod Program button will cause a sphere to appear around 2B and slowly expand (going even further with a second Pod.) This indicates the range of Mirage�s AOE. Releasing the button results in...

All enemies within the attack�s radius getting the poo poo kicked out of them by phantom sword slashes for a sizable amount of damage. It�s a VERY good damage dealer as well as a decent emergency button to get breathing room in a pinch. Any machines not immediately destroyed by Mirage will usually be launched a considerable distance. I had Mirage equipped on one of my Pods throughout the majority of the game.

Back to the mission. The YoRHa Betrayers sidequest is a kind of fickle thing. Instead of just giving us an area to investigate and progress the quest, we�re given THREE areas to check out. One is not far from the Resistance Camp. The second is back where we initially touched down in the City Ruins with our flight units. The third area is over by the Factory Ruins. This is one is weird because the AWOL YoRHa soldiers can appear in any of the three locations. Or NONE of �em! Sometimes this quest just doesn�t feel like working properly. And I�m fairly certain it just straight up breaks for a while if we hit the next story beat.

Great place to start a series of sidequests, right!

The area just to the northwest of the camp sure has a different view these days. And just to the west of the camp is a new attraction...

That first Engels unit we trashed during that whole event has found a home near the broken overpass a bit to the west of the camp. There might be more to this instead of just being a new landmark... But not at the moment.

Instead, we�ll mount this destroyed Engels and climb to its peak to find...

...absolutely nothing. Welp, when I did this quest the first time they spawned here. My daughter had them pop up here too. But today? No dice... Oh well!

The second possible spawn point is back at the top of that ever popular office building ruins where we fought Engels earlier. Here we have a bit more luck!

They�re from YoRHa.

Alert: Targets are rogue units 22B and 64B, currently designated for detention.

Umm... Hey, is that�

They�ve come for us, idiot! Prepare to engage�and inform the captain!

Uhh... Got it!

You�re currently wanted by Command for desertion. Disengage and surrender immediately.

Shut your trap!

Music: Song of the Ancients ~ Atonement

We�re now taking on two YoRHa troopers. These two are exceptionally annoying to fight. They�re basically those resurrected android corpse allies if they were set to attack us. Androids don�t have any tells for their attacks and just kind of go at it without falter. As such, attacking up close is a risky proposition. Especially at our under-leveled point, they seldom flinch to our attacks and will happily chop through several sword slashes to the face undeterred.

On the other hand, it is very easy to stun these two with concentrated Pod fire. The trouble is they... didn�t bother mapping android models to 2B�s stun follow-up moves. So she�ll perform over the top punisher attacks while... the android target just continues fighting on the ground. They still take a chunk of damage. It just looks terrible. Not gonna lie. This is really glitchy, not particularly well put together quest mechanics wise.

Once one of the deserter androids are reduced to 66% health or below...

Understood.

And with that, the YoRHa deserters leap over the nearest building and the battle abruptly ends. Hey 2B, why can�t you leap six stories in a single bound? Is that something that unlocks at Level 16? No? Shucks...

Well, there�s only one area we haven�t inspected yet in this quest. Let�s head on over to the Factory Ruins and see if we can�t catch up with those runaway androids.

6O contacts 2B once more...

2B here.

The monitoring signal from the new access point has gone silent. I�m sending you the positional data. Please investigate the site as soon as possible.

Understood.

This initiates a very short quest back at the new access point in the hole where we left Jackass earlier. We�re just going to ignore that for now and continue onward.

This final hotspot in the YoRHa Betrayers quest takes us to beneath the broken bridge leading to the Factory Ruins. The rogue androids always flee and move to one of the other points afterwards. The first time I did this quest it was on top of Engels and it ended back on that building roof. Never had to go here at all.

Let�s do this thing! YoRHa Betrayers Round 2, coming in hot!

Music: Song of the Ancients ~ Atonement

This fight goes exactly the same as it did last time. It�s best to try to let 9S draw some aggro to separate the two androids. Indeed, this is one of the few points it might be a good idea to set 9S to aggressive, just so he�ll draw attention to himself and take a beating for a while as we handle one of the two alone. The androids have restored their health since the first brawl. But unlike the first go around...

...We can outright kill the two deserter androids this go around. I mean... technically, we did detain the AWOL androids. Nobody ever specified they needed to be detained while alive now did they. Mission accompl�

Alert: Target is former YoRHa captain 8B, currently wanted for desertion. Proposal: Disable and detain at once.

You... You did this!

Please! You have to stop fighting!

Shut up! You don�t know anything!

Nnngh...

Analysis: Unit 8B specializes in close-quarters combat. Proposal: Destroy enemy with long-range attacks.

...Destroy? What happened to detain?

Woo-boy... We are UNDER leveled for this battle. Any enemy in this game in excess of about six levels or more above 2B is going to take for-loving-ever to down. One the bigger complaints I�d lodge against NieR: Automata is that it has absolutely no signal posting for the recommended level for some quests and it will gladly hand out ones WELL beyond our abilities at the moment.

Another thing games could learn from Best RPG from 2015-to Present, The Witcher 3. :v:

8B is like her comrades, just a really aggressive AI android set to attack 2B and 9S. None of her moves have any telegraphs and she can switch between four different weapon types at will. Which means her range will vary wildly at the drop of a hat if she gets close.

As such, Pod Program laser and constant Gatling fire is kind of our only option (missiles are really worthless at this range against this aggressive of an enemy.) Also baiting out a Perfect Dodge and the Pod fire counter deals nice damage as well.

Even so, this battle took about six minutes all said and done. And didn�t help that this area seems to be really glitchy so 8B would disengage and briefly run off while the battle music cut in and out if we happened to dodge near the outskirts of the area. Regardless, eventually 8B is slain by our androids, resulting in...

We rob her corpse�s wallet of a decent chunk of change and a sizable amount of experience for the kill. But more pressingly...

We steal 8B�s spear. She won�t be needing it anymore. Being dead and all. Sadly, we cannot pilfer all four weapons off the corpse. It�s frowned upon in YoRHa regulations � thought to be ghoulish. Fine, whatever...

The Type-4O Lance is a pretty nice weapon. It may be one of the best spears in certain situations later in the game. At its first upgrade, the Type-4O increases the chance of stunning an enemy (allowing a special finishing move if 2B swoops in for a follow-up.) At max level, it gains Charge Up which will charge the spear with bonus electrical damage if it is not used for a time. Not bad! But let�s see what the story behind it is, eh...?

Type-4O Lance posted:

�Hi guys! It's me, 42S-your favorite YoRHa Squadron idol from North 12C Defense HQ. I'm here with the latest hot scoops from the front line, so let's get out there and do our best, all right? Goooo team!"

�Hey ho, battlefield buddies! I'm not gonna lie here-the current war situation isn't looking too optimistic, But we're expecting reinforcements from our orbiting satellite bases any moment, so don't give up yet! Glory to mankind!"

�Mayday! Mayday! This is Publicity Agent 42S from North 12C Defense HQ! Is anyone listening!? Our facility has been completely surrounded by machines! I don't know how much longer we can ho-"

[NO BROADCAST FROM THIS CHANNEL]

Sheesh. YoRHa Radio DJ is fast becoming the helicopter pilot of NieR: Automata in terms of life expectancy.

Mission complete.

We... killed them. Our fellow units.

......

Why the hell did they steal from the Resistance in the first place? You think Anemone might know something, 2B?

Let�s find out.

OK. We just mercilessly slew three of our former YoRHa comrades in combat. Let�s maybe go get a follow-up on what that was all about. If you�re wondering why they�re just 100% dead when 9S blew himself up early and just restored from an early point: All the YoRHa back-ups are stored on the Bunker. If you disconnect from the network and try to make a break for it, like 11B did in that one early sidequest, then there's nothing to initiate a back-up retrieval. Ditto if you�re on Command�s poo poo list for attempting to desert, like those three did. Whoops, no more back-up for you! We cut off your connection back at home and flushed the back-up data. Dead now means dead!

Anyway, back to Anemone...

We need to check something with you, actually. Can you tell us about the YoRHa soldiers who were stealing your supplies?

This is the first I�ve heard of it.

Huh?

I mean, we keep our supplies in multiple locations, but so far as I know, nothing�s gone missing.

I see. Well, thanks.

The androids leave Anemone and walk out of earshot for a pow-wow...

......

*activates communicator* 9S to Command, come in.

It�s about the YoRHa soldiers who deserted.

Copy that, 9S. We�ve confirmed their status on this end.

No, but I mean... The Resistance says that none of their supplies are actually missing. So what�s going on here?

*briefly checks elsewhere* ...I lack access to the data concerning this mission.

Huh?

The order came from the Commander herself.

What? Operator, I don�t understand�

Be careful, 9S. I have no further information. *disconnects*

Huh? Operator? ...Operator!? The hell is that all about?

Let�s go.

But�

We�re here to fight. That�s all.

And that concludes the �YoRHa Betrayers� sidequest. Will we get any follow-up as to why the Commander gave us false information as a justification for basically doing a hit on our own members? Nope! gently caress you. Welcome to being a soldier! Carry on...

Video: Episode 25 Highlight Reel

YoRHa Operator Official Art � The leather wedgie helps them to type faster.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 02:38 on May 15, 2017

# ¿ May 12, 2017 22:44

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode XXVI: The Most Dangerous Catch

OK. That�s one morally dubious quest in the backlog down. Let�s move on to checking out that sig�hold it... Wait up... Since when are there TWO weirdo androids wearing machine heads in the camp? What�s your story, dude...?

Put this on, and you can see the whole world!

A Strange Resistance Man has joined the Strange Resistance Woman in completely disregarding the 4th Wall and providing a few tutorial tips. Or rather... I think this might be less tutorial and more a series of questions playtesters had and this may as well be Yoko Taro telling them to shut up, nerds. Fine... We�ll play ball. Let�s just go down the list...

> Reading mail is inconvenient.

Still, there are a lot of androids who use mail because they like how retro it is. Kind of a hipster thing, I guess.

Good to know hipsters are still a thing 11,000 years in the future. As is email. Time is a flat circle.

> It�s hard to see the 3D map...

The satellite camera doesn�t have very good resolution, so you can�t see fine details or tell what�s underground. Other androids are also dissatisfied with it, but that�s the way it is, I�m afraid. Some choose to walk on their own two feet and discover things for themselves... Hint, hint! You�ll just have to get used to it.

I bet he�s winking under that mask. Assuming it�s a mask and he didn�t just replace his head with a machine�s head. I... don�t know... if androids can do that. Hey, can I ask a bonus question...? No? Frick. Fiiiine...

> What�s the currency in this world?

It�s much easier than digging up the iron ourselves. Worth is decided according to weight of the enemy and value of the parts obtained. We call that unit �G�. ...Huh? What�s �G� stand for? Sorry! That�s classified.

Gum. We�re operating entirely on a Gum based economy in the far flung future. Intact Bazooka Joe pieces are worth a small fortune. Juicy Fruit are the pennies of this system. It�s very complex. But, enough of that... Final question!

> What�s a black box?

The black box is a fusion reactor installed in all YoRHa units. But we Resistance folks don�t know much about its construction. Apparently it uses some kind of mysterious material... Say, maybe you�d let me rip it out of you and take it apart for analysis! ...No? Hey, fair enough. Can�t blame a guy for trying.

Alright, big guy. That�s enough questions for today. Not sure why they waited about half-way through the first playthrough to add this weirdo. Strange Resistance Woman might get additional functionality later on. But this guy is just here to tell you it�s just a video game, you should probably chill.

Anyway, we DID get a new sidequest from 6O on the way to dealing with the YoRHa ~~Betrayers~~ Burn Notice murders. Let�s knock that out real quick, since it is right in the area.

Music: Rays of Light (Medium)

As we head back out into the field, it is worth mention that most all wandering machine lifeforms in the field have ceased being docile and now will immediately aggro if they spot any androids in their vicinity. There is still the seldom wandering neutral machine on occasion. But it�s very rare now and they�ll shortly vanish completely. Can�t even fish in peace anymore. A shame...

The Access Terminal in question is the same one Jackass installed following our meet-and-greet with Eve and Adam in the alien graveyard. Seems the machines haven�t taken kindly to the installation of a busted vending machine in their neighborhood.

Alert: Jamming signals detected from enemy units.

Yeah?

That�s not good.

Hey! Jackasses! Knock that poo poo off! Do you know how expensive those vending machines are...? At least a few thousand G? What...? No, I don�t know how much a G is worth in old world currency. Why even care?! You�re a sentient trashcan! Why am I even talking to you?!

So you may notice these machines have a new paint job. These are Enhanced versions of machine lifeforms we�ve already seen aka a Palette Swap. No, this game won�t be going the Final Fantasy X route of having 53 slightly reskinned varieties of the same dozen machines. There�s only the one reskin of the same dozen machines and this is it! Enhanced Machines are usually about 5+ levels above the average wandering machine at any point in the game and are far more aggressive than the average robot.

Due to their level buff, they obviously hit much more damaging than most but... otherwise, they�re exactly the same as their predecessor models. I guess they might be somewhat faster on the draw. But that just might be the red paint job tricking me into believing they're faster. It�s difficult to say. Regardless, given the rough time we had fighting those hostile androids earlier, this is a piece of cake.

Afterwards, we just need to sort out those Enhanced Stubby machines and the Access Point should be free and clear! Job well do�

Oh... Huh. Didn�t notice you there, axebot. Were you hiding in the caves or something? Sneaky little bugge�

AWW CHRIST! I think we stepped into the wrong neighborhood. Turns out they were holding a Machine Lifeform Lumberjack convention nearby and they got wind the androids were bullying the boys down in the alien graveyard hole again.

And they are PISSED!

Suddenly getting assaulted by eight big axe-wielding jerks jumping in the hole to rumble is more startling than difficult. Despite being Enhanced versions, they still telegraph all their attacks by a mile and dodging any of their blows is so generous that they may as well not even try. Additionally, despite looking quite large, these guys really have trouble staying on their feet. A Perfect Dodge > Pod Counter will send everyone hit by the blow flying. Missile Pod also does fairly well here since it�s simple enough to pull back and just dump on the crowd. With a Mirage Pod Program to punish the entire group when they catch up.

Regardless, destroying the lumberjack machine brigade will bring this very short sidequest to a close. As soon as we inspect the Access Point and confirm it�s still functional, Pod 042 will relay mission success back to the Bunker and the Commander immediately phones back...

The signal from the access point just came back online. Good job.

I have some information about that, Commander.

Go on.

The access point went offline because machine lifeforms were jamming it.

Which means they know that facility is one of our network terminals...

Yeah, but that�s not all. While they knew it was connected to our network, they didn�t try to destroy it. It�s almost like they were trying to lay a trap.

drat... They�re getting smarter by the day. Thank you. I�ll be sure to share this with the Council of Humanity on the moon.

Understood.

And with a modest EXP bonus, that concludes the short sidequest to see what�s up with machines kicking our vending machines in a pit. Great, now the machines are setting ambushes. It starts with something simple like that... Then the next thing you know some poor android is trapped in some hellish Home Alone-esque scenario concocted by the machines.

We do have one final bit of business in our backlog before we start taking on any new sidequests. Remember that email Jackass sent us? Something about a fish...? How about we go check that out. The last place we saw Jackass was back in the Desert Camp. Let�s see if she�s still hanging out around there...

Like I care what you think, jerk!

Looks like Jackass and the Desert scout android aren�t on the friendliest of terms. Oh well. Jackass has been alright to us so far. Let�s see what she wants, eh?

So this thing is called a �mackerel� and apparently eating it has a horrible effect on androids. I�d love to see what it does, so go ahead and chow down.

Music: Broken Heart (Vocal)

...OK. That�s a bit ominous. And the music isn�t helping. But, I mean... It�s just a mackerel. It�s just an oily fish. I mean they spoil quickly, but I�m assuming it was caught recently and not stuck Jackass�s pocket for a week. Also, I�m really hoping the humans didn�t program androids with the ability to get food poisoning...

Well... What�s the worst that can happen...?

It�s just a mackerel.

...Just a mackerel.

Whatever! Let�s do this thing. 2B ain�t gonna back down from no lousy fish. Glory to Manki�

�It was good, though,� the android thought as consciousness faded.
�Exquisite even. No wonder humans used to eat them...�

Just a mackerel...

Video: Episode 26 Highlight Reel

Machine Lifeform Concept Art � How would they even keep balance on two wheels? That�s ridiculous! You�d have toppled over robots all over the place...

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 02:37 on May 15, 2017

# ¿ May 13, 2017 20:13

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Andyzero posted:

Okay, I have a question. Dark Id will probably answer this after.

How does "Death" and "Endings" match up? Okay, obviously if you die and because of it the Machines destroy everything, that ending didn't "count" but in story, what should happen is 2B's consciousness goes back to the base, and she rebuilds her body, right?

Does death by mackerel interfere with this giving 2B final death? In universe, is 2B going to go back to Jackass and get a reward, or will we go back in time and refuse; having never eaten the fish in the first place?

Dying in-game will respawn 2B at the nearest Access Point and she'll have to recover her corpse to get any Chips left behind/EXP earned since last saving. Endings dump you straight to the title screen afterwards and effectively never happened. When we reload it'll be just before Jackass gave us that fish and she'll repeat that whole scene. We just won't eat the death fish like a dingus next time. Beyond that, it's a joke ending in a video game. Don't think about it too much until the next sequel is based off the most unlikely one. :v:

# ¿ May 14, 2017 02:41

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode XXVII: In the Name... OF SCIENCE!

Music: Birth of a Wish (This Cannot Continue)

We�re just going to go ahead and pretend none of that happened... 2B Player Four...? Five...? I�m losing track. Anyway, you�re next up to bat. Try not to eat any strange seafood, alright?

If you�re wondering, any time we get a Bad Ending, the game just dumps us to the title screen and the world acts as if that never happened. So don�t worry about the continuity here. Never happened. Speaking with Jackass again will once more net us the deadly Mackerel, scourge of the androids� digestive tract. This time, we�ll just sell that sucker for 500G. Thanks for the offer...

I�ve seen people be baffled as to how they progress here for Jackass� quest as they kept eating the fish and dying. You... just don�t eat the fish, you drat idiot! The same fish you have to open the menu, which defaults to Quick Save the second you open it because you�re in a save zone, to tab over to the Item menu and manually eat said fish. There are a lot of trollish things in this game I won�t defend. You managing to not save for hours and get a bad ending eating that fish? That�s just entirely on you being a goddamn idiot! A huge loving moron. You should be put in a registry that bars you from handling heavy machinery or procreating if that gag got you and you bitched about it on the internet. That�s something that should come up in a background check so I know to toss that resume in the garbage immediately due to extreme incompetence.

ANYWAY, beyond the aborted fish experiment, Jackass also has a proper sidequest if you don�t eat the mackerel like a moron again.

Listen, just ignore that guy. Selfish fool refuses to help me with my work. See, I�m doing a study on the excitement levels of androids while in battle. But I need to record combat data from the newest models in order to reach more steady conclusions. So whatcha think? Fun, right?

We can now agree to help Jackass or �carefully turn her down�. Well... she only killed 2B the one time and she did warn us and flip on the most ominous music possible. We�ll let that slide. Let�s help out!

Here. Follow me.

OK. This quest is fairly short but it does have some important information and rewards. Let�s follow Jackass up the ridge, shall we?

I need you to get combat data for him. Science will pay you back for this, I promise. Now... FIGHT!

Jackass�s Research is entirely a series of combat challenges that takes place in this little pit between the Desert Camp and the desert outskirts. We�ve got to jump into the pit with the machine in question before the challenge begins. All attacking is straight up disabled until we jump down. No cheating science here.

All we have to do is take out a single Medium Biped. It has about five levels on us. But that�s nothing for basic stock machines like that. Easily done! Now just to return to Jackass...

Hey, did you know that android battle fever is actually quite similar to the human emotion of �love�? So if we want to know what all those old human records are always going on about, all we need to do is let our fists fly! Makes this whole thing feel more romantic, don�t you think?

Hmm, I still don�t have enough data... I could use some more help.

That�s what I�m talkin� about!

This quest has several stages to it and each one kindly gives out a modest reward. Let�s continue onward to the next stage...

Now it�s time to fight! In the name... OF SCIENCE!

Well, if science is demanding we don�t take any hits, who are we to argue? This time it�s three Medium Bipeds waiting to rumble. If 2B takes any damage here, Jackass will get pissed, set off the bombs she implanted in all the experiment test subject machines (she did that by the way) and we�ll be forced to try again from scratch. But keeping our distance and wearing down the machines, before going in for the kill, makes this a simple affair.

Back to Jackass...

Speaking of YoRHa goons, I�m a bit surprised you types are so... intellectual. I thought combat models would be a bit more dense. Less thinking, more killing and all that? Frankly, giving you any kind of intellect at all strikes me as pointless.

......

Err... Thanks? Really living up to that name, huh? So what�s next here...?

More data... I NEED MORE DATA! And YOU are going to help me, right? That�s a rhetorical question by the way.

Still haven�t had enough, eh? I like you! You�ve got GUTS! Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Now it�s time to fight! In the name... OF SCIENCE!

We�ve got a half dozen Stubbies and one Medium Biped, all sporting shields this go around and a thirty second time limit. This mission is almost entirely why we went and picked up Mirage last time we were in the Resistance Camp. Normally, this could be a trick proposition with just our default equipment. But charge up a Level 2 Mirage and let her rip in the middle of these jerks? Suddenly everyone is at 50% or below HP and all their shields are destroyed at once.

A few heavy swipes with our large sword will mop up the Stubby units and a few more seconds to wail on the Medium boy and this mission is over in short order. And hey, another level out of the deal. Spiffy!

Here, look at this. See this reaction? It proves that android brains contain an algorithm which allows them to derive pleasure from battle! Without that, we�d probably have stopped fighting a long time ago. What a brutally efficient piece of evolution! It�s possible this is based on an identical pleasure center in the human brain. Man, those fleshbags really were something!

We�re almost done here. One last round to go for this quest. What�s the score, Jackass?

I just need a teensy bit more data... You look like you�ve got nothing better to do, so give me a hand here!

Excellent! You�re the best guinea pig a gal could ask for! This should be the last bit of data I need.

Now it�s time to fight! In the name... OF SCIENCE

So these are actually some new versions of previous enemies. Here we have three shielded Stubby units and three Medium Bipeds (one with a shield.) This go around, the shielded boys all have special electrified fields on their shields. Electricity is an element some machine lifeforms will have parts imbued with occasionally. We briefly saw it in play with those lovely worm enemies back in the City Ruins crater. In the case of shield sporting enemies, if 2B should so much as graze their shields she�ll take damage and thus fail this data collection session. Attacking the shields with melee can be a problem since it moves 2B towards them and too close and welp.

That�s why we can once again just charge up Mirage to Level 2 and nip that whole shield business in the bud instantly. Now it�s just a matter of dealing with six normal machines and that�s no big deal. Stubbies are already knocking on death�s door from Mirage and Medium Bipeds have the easiest telegraphed attacks in the game, so they can be punished accordingly.

Mirage is a REALLY GOOD Pod Program!

The excitement we feel in battle is caused by a type of pleasure-generating chemical produced in our circuits! Anyway, I think I can localize this substance and turn it into a drug that will help expand our combat capabilities. All these advances, and it�s all thanks to YOU! ...See? I told you science was the best. Anyway, keep an eye out for that drug. Once I get it synthesized, it�s all yours.

Alright. We�re helping out. For science. And we got a sack full of G and some decent experience out of the deal. Not bad.

Occasionally, quests will require 2B to return at a later time to advance to the next stage. This always means we�ve got to travel to another zone to let the area reset and the quest shuffle to the next point.

In this case, taking a brief pit stop back at the Resistance Camp will do the job. As soon as we step out of the transporter, 2B receives a new email. Let�s take a look...

See! There you have it. If a quest seems to have stalled, just hop into the nearest transporter and pick an area away from the current one. It should do the trick. Quitting the game and reloading like Dark Souls will NOT work. Gotta change areas!

Back we go to Jackass at the Desert Camp. She�s once more returned under the tent with the resistance merchant. Let�s see what she�s cooked up...

I�ve already handed it out to a few folks, and man, is it ever popular. One taste and you�re hooked for life! And yeah, it sounds bad when I say it like that, but your YoRHa buddies don�t seem to mind. Sure, there are some side effects... Like a horrifying destabilizing effect on one�s psyche. But none of that should be a problem for combat-focused models like you. Anyway, the first round�s on me. Check it out and let me know what you think.

And so we gain our ultimate reward for this quest: 5,000 G, 500 EXP, and 5 E-Drugs. Yeah, OK... We accidentally helped Jackass create some kind of powerful android narcotic and that�s probably got to be frowned upon in YoRHa regulations somewhere... But, after all... It was for science. And 2B didn�t die this time. So we�re doing fine.

She was asking for the recipe, so I�m sure she�s cooked up a stash of her own.

And that concludes the �Jackass�s Research� sidequest. All in a day�s work! We should get back to the mission now. We�ve spent entirely too long dicking around on sidequests. But...

But well... Hmm... We did get a sample of these E-Drugs from Jackass. After all that effort, it seems like it would be a waste to not... at least try one. Ya know... for science...

I mean... what�s the worst that can happen? 2B already died to a mackerel earlier today. It�s not like it can go poorer than that. Here goes noth�

New Music: Memories of Dust (Chiptune)

Ugh... Oh... That... that was a mistake... Uggh... What happened? Why is it so drafty...? Are... are we on a rooftop...?
2B, are you OK?!

Why is it so dark? Are my optics dama�9S... 9S... where are your...?

9S... Where are your pants?
You... umm... you sorta picked me up and tore them off screaming that �pants are prohibited� before tearing off your umm... *looks away blushing*
...And that explains the draft. What... is this on my head...? Why... does it smell like oil and vomit?
Well, after that you ran off and tore off the first machine�s head you found and said you had to �gather intel for Command� and well... I think you can guess where it ended up...
......

...And the boar?
Oh that... That you uppercut and mounted declaring you were �subjugating it for the Glory of Mankind.�
.....
How long was all this going on?
About two minutes, give or take. It took a while to catch up to you on the boar. I... didn't know boars could drift...
.....
Proposal: Purge all data on this incident from memory database and back-up drives before resetting state at nearest Access Point.

Agreed.
*nervous nod* Y-Yeah...

OK. E-Drugs might be a bad idea to take, kids. Don�t get hooked. But... Jackass did mention those two YoRHa members scouting the desert oil oasis had taken interest in her E-Drugs. We should PROBABLY check in on those two, right...?

Drug... More drug... Can�t stop fighting... So fuuuuun...

Analysis: Unusual unit behavior is directly correlated to the stimulating effects of the combat substance.

They�re abusing it. Or maybe their lives are just too hard to fathom without it.

...Drugs? Yeah, they�re pretty crazy. I can�t stop fighting!

See you later... Hee! Heeee hee hee hee...

So if we ever wanted to go on another bad trip for some dumb reason, this drugged to poo poo YoRHa member is willing to deal at a reasonable price.

But pfft... You saw what happened. The drugs do give a random buff in exchange for other android senses going completely to poo poo for the 30 second duration. It�s hardly worth ever using... Who�d want to go through that mess again...?

...

......

..........

FOR SCIENCE!

Video: Episode 27 Drug Trip

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 02:30 on May 15, 2017

# ¿ May 15, 2017 00:55

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode XXVIII: Revengeance

OK. This sidequest thing has been a rocky road so far. But we�re now caught up with all the sidequest threads offered directly to 2B from various sources. Let�s dip our feet into some freelance work for a little bit before we resume the main quest branch. We�ve got a WHOLE LOT of options at the moment and we�re going to knock out a few today.

Music: Peaceful Sleep

In the Resistance Camp alone there are no less than four different quest available at the moment. Unfortunately, one of them requires venturing to an area we as of yet do not have access to at the moment. And another is gated by well... a gate with some requirements to pass. We�ll get to that in a moment. At present, our best option is the quest given by a female Resistance member hanging out in the medical section of the camp.

I guess we are the newest, now that you mention it. Did you need something?

I bet new models like you can handle pretty much anything, huh? You might even be able to... No, no. I shouldn�t ask. That would be rude. But yet... *siiigh*

<Listen to her problem.> (�Ignore the hint� is the jerk decline option.)

Why don�t you tell us what�s wrong? Maybe we can help out.

Oh! Well, if you insist... It turns out one of my friends has gone missing.

Missing? That doesn�t sound good.

Where was this friend last seen?

At the material storage site where he works.

The storage site, eh? Maybe we could check it out.

Oh, please, would you? Without him, I... I... Please!

So begins the Resistance Disappearance quest. You�d think they would have installed androids with GPS at some point. But here we are... The �materials storage site� is actually still within the Resistance Camp.

There is a whole side-scrolling oriented back area past Anemone. It is mostly filled with old androids hanging out off-duty and blowing off some steam. We haven�t had any reason to come back here since it�s just a few folks going �Oh you�re from YoRHa that�s cool I guess...�

We want to climb to an upper scaffold in the area and follow it along the path to reach the materials storage site. There�s just one teensy little problem... The gate to the area is locked tight. Which makes sense, given this is apparently where the Resistance is storing all its important supplies. Unfortunately, it�s too reasonable to just go ask Anemone to let us poke around for a minute back there while investigating the disappearance of one of her men. Or, you know... just kick open this chain-link fence. Instead, the android sitting next to the gate has a Quest marker floating above their head. And so...

Stop thinking about what?

Gya! What!? Who are you!?

We�re with YoRHa. Anemone told us to make ourselves at home.

Oh... r-right.

So. What can�t you stop thinking about?

Oh, it�s just... One of my friends has a box that makes music when you open it, and I can�t get the drat song out of my head. It�s just so beautiful! I�ve never heard anything like it! And to make it worse, I can only remember the first part of the song... Daaah, it�s driving me nuts! I wish she�d just come back to camp so I could hear the drat thing again!

<Go look for the missing item.> (�Let the weirdo work it out for herself� is the mean decline option.)

Yeah, if we don�t help her, she�ll never get any work done.

A box that plays sound? Odd.

Analysis: The item in question is likely a �music box.� It should be located in an area where music is playing. Proposal: The local amusement park would be a logical area for reconnaissance.

That�s some fuzzy logic there, Pod... But hey, might as well try it. Not like we have any other leads to go on.

So in order to get to the second stage of our first sidequest, we need to go complete this whole other diversion. Thankfully, this one is really short and features zero combat.

We do indeed need to travel back to the Amusement Park for this job. Pod 042�s logic might be... questionable. But perhaps it�s wiser than it lets on.

So do you remember that hoverbot from Pascal�s village that greeted us after the Simone battle? Do you recall how it immediately led us down a dark back alley with a rotting android corpse sprawled in the corner? So, about that corpse... Guess what it was carrying...

Is this the �music box� she was looking for? Man, this thing is all rusted over...

You think the box belonged to her? Poor girl died a long time ago, by the looks of it.

Let�s bring this back to her friend.

Unfortunately, quest specific key items will not spawn until they�re necessary for the quest at hand. No being a total weirdo that just happens to have a NPC�s decades lost family heirloom in their pocket as they�re passing by... It is worth checking the Key Item tab in the menu when gaining a quest item. They all do have a unique bit of art and occasionally an interesting flavor text blurb.

Anyway, now we just need to use the transporter and teleport back to the Resistance Camp to complete this short request.

THAT�S IT! Where did you find it?

In the amusement park, next to the corpse of an android. Maybe that was its owner?

...Oh.

Was she...

......

Well, it�s awfully rusty, but with a little work I should be able to get it playing again.

Of course.

Thank you for bringing the box to me. Now I can finally concentrate on my work again! Oh, and you two are welcome to enter the back anytime you like from now on.

What a beautiful sound... I could listen to this all day...

New Music: Peaceful Sleep (Music Box) (This only ever plays here the entire game.)

For our efforts, we get a mess of items including a very nice Anti Chain Damage +3 Chip. Anti-Damage chips give 2B a grace period after taking a hit in which she�s briefly invincible to prevent stun locking. Unfortunately, she doesn�t rapidly blink after taking damage. This chip gives 2 seconds of recovery time. It�s a really useful chip if you aren�t terrific at these kinda games. And really just in general. Nobody likes to get stun locked.

In any case, that concludes The Manager�s Request quest. Like Anemone with the vocal version of this area�s music, we can speak to the Manager to switch over to the music box track at any time.

More importantly, we now have access to the materials storage site of the resistance. There�s some rather unremarkable loot back here (Large G Luck + i.e. get more gold for 30 seconds from destroyed enemies, Impact Bracer (S) i.e. take less melee damage for 30 seconds and 200 G.) As well as yet ANOTHER quest. But most importantly, there�s a railing on the scaffold support we can examine...

Three numbers... I wonder if it�s a set of coordinates?

Target point, maybe? Or a hidden location?

No way to tell. I�ll add �em to the map regardless.

The coordinates in question lead us back to the buffer zone between the City Ruins and the Desert, just a ways past Jackass�s camp.

We�ll head over there and investigate in a few minutes. While we�re back here, we may as well see what�s wrong with this burly android looking dejected near the warehouse entrance.

Maybe I can help you out.

Say, you�re from the Bunker, right? Well, turns out I have some packages that need transporting, but I can�t get them out of storage. One of my superiors was in charge of it, but now I have to do it�and there�s so much stuff that I can�t possibly move it! She�s gonna have my head for this... I gotta get those packages for transport out of there... Think you can get the goods for me?

Great. Thanks a million!

...Yo, did we just agree to a box pushing puzzle?

Ooof. Better make a path first.

Goddammit! We just agreed to a box pushing puzzle... Thankfully, there aren�t many of these in NieR: Automata. Especially compared to the amount of box shoving in the original NieR. Unfortunately, that means 2B is gravely out of practice in pushing boxes and it takes her for-loving-EVER to shove a crate. Like to the tune of 10-15 seconds to push it an entire crate length.

Fortunately, we just have to squeeze through to the treasure chest at the top of the screen (and any other loot that just happened to fall off the truck in transit.) So at least there�s that. 9S opted to find a corner and run in circles non-stop the entire time 2B was doing all the literal heavy lifting. That�s him in the bottom left pulling a full Tails. That�s also him delivering that line, like he contributed. 9S, this is going on your performance report...

You really need to organize your storage area. I could barely walk in there! Seriously, you need to clean that place up.

I know, I know. I�ll take it up with my superior. Here�s a little something for your trouble.

At least the reward for our efforts ain�t too bad. That�s the best Evade Range Up chip we�ve encountered in this playthrough thus far. So that�s nice. Anyway, that�s Sorting Trouble Part 1 concluded. Making good quest headway today.

Now back to the initial sidequest we began with before all of the diversions. The coordinates we received leads us to a narrow canyon to the southern part of the zone outside the Desert Camp. The Desert Zone itself and the points of interest earlier were mostly to the northern half of the area.

Yeah. We�re pretty much standing right on top of whatever they�re pointing to.

We�re going in the right direction. Unfortunately, that direction is filled with Buzzsaw Stubby machines that are all Level 30+. Which would normally be a touch problematic except... they�re Stubbies. These little dudes only can get so strong, even with 15+ levels on our androids. They all quickly go down without much effort. But these surprisingly beefy boys aren�t why we are here. Instead, if we go to a dead end of the canyon, we find...

9S!

AVENGE... KILL...

KILL ALL... WHO STAND IN... OUR WAY... ANDROIDS... WILL PAY...

ALL OF YOU YOU YOU YOU...

KILL. ALL KILL. ALL OF YOU KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL...

KIIIIIIIIIIIIL!

So remember what I said about wishing this game had a sidequest recommended level indicator? Yeah, this would have been handy to know we�d be facing a Level 35 Small Sword Boy (Blood Covered Edition.) We fought plenty of these guys out in the Desert Zone. They telegraph their attacks like nobody�s business and are very easily to deal with on the whole. The trouble is, this one is 20 Levels ahead of 2B and as such it takes a solid five minutes of non-stop attacking to finally take it down. I really wish the level gap between the player and enemies wasn�t just flat scaling mathematics calculation. It makes it so there�s a very small window where fights are fair and balanced versus a massive spectrum of damage sponges and curb stomps the higher or lower ends of differences.

Five minutes of doing single and double digit damage on an enemy that has several thousand HP later...

Huh? What for?

Call it professional curiosity.

Analysis: This machine lifeform�s comrades were destroyed. Driven by that grudge, it lured a Resistance member to this location. It then proceeded to destroy him.

Are you saying this thing wanted revenge?

Aw, come on, now. That concept is far too complex for a machine!

I dunno, 9S. Prioritizing the elimination of an enemy that killed all your allies doesn�t seem that high functioning a concept. yoFUCKthatguy.EXE is probably fairly common in the machine lifeforms. But enough of that, all the blood covering that machine had to come from somewhere. And investigating the area yields...

Let�s check his memory. Seems this one came here looking for revenge as well.

I guess the weaker one lost.

......

Apparently we less check the corpse�s memories as we did read his journal and deduce his motives. But details... Let�s take these mementos of a pointless cycle of revenge back to that woman who initially gave us the quest...

I�m going to feel terrible telling that woman what happened to her friend.

It�s the truth. She has to know.

No matter what that truth actually is?

......

Hey, the truth can be rough. So, your boyfriend went on a quest for revenge and immediately got ganked by a machine also on a quest for revenge. But then we killed that machine... so... if you think about it, everyone is square. In being dead.

When we return to the female Resistance Member quest giver, we�re given the option of telling her the truth or lying about our findings. Let�s just be honest. She sees through our lie since she already knew the guy stormed off to get revenge and thanks us for trying to be nice. The rest proceeds the same.

New Music: Voice of No Return (Vocal) (It�s a very nice track that only gets used a handful of times.)

I�ve very sorry, but... your friend is dead.

Oh...

He was trying to get revenge against the machine that killed his comrades.

No... Oh no...

But he wasn�t strong enough, and the machine ended up killing him instead.

drat the machines... I�ll murder them all!

Whoa, easy! It�s okay! We took out the one that killed your friend.

You did?

Yes, we did. Which means there�s no need for anyone else to go seeking revenge.

But... what do I do now? I have no one to love... And no one to kill... I have nothing.

That�s not...

Come on, 9S.

L-Look, we�ll come back, okay? We�ll come back and check on you.

......

This is another one of those instances where 2B and 9S need to exit the area before the sidequest will progress. In the Resistance Camp�s case, just taking a brief jog out to the stream and bullying a few machine lifeforms should be enough to trigger the next part of the quest.

When we return back to the area, we find the woman from earlier has vanished. We need to talk to one of the androids she was hanging out with to get the scoop on where she went.

You looking for the lady who was here? Yeah, she left a while ago. Seemed pretty upset about something, too. And she was armed to the teeth!

Oh no...

Hey, I just remembered she wanted me to give you something. Here...

Whoa, all this?

Yeah, she said she didn�t need it anymore.

......

Hey, don�t ask me. I don�t understand women at all...

We get a nice helping of upgrade materials, a sack full of G and quite a bit of experience for our efforts.

As for that quest? That�s it! That�s the end! No follow-up. We never see that woman again. She probably went off and died pointlessly seeking vengeance. Maybe she produced more vengeful machines in her wake. Who knows? We just sparked another cycle of an endless churning grind of revenge. No moral. Just NieR: Automata.

Video: Episode 28 Highlight Reel

Machine Lifeform Size Comparison Concept Art � My tall sons.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 19:16 on May 16, 2017

# ¿ May 16, 2017 18:33

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode XXIX: Repairs

YoRHa back at it again with the sidequests. We�re going to go back to the main plot in the next couple updates. Cool it. This is one of like two portions of the game that may as well have a big flashing �go gently caress off and do some sidequests to get some level-ups ya dingus� sign flashing.

Today�s quest is one that�s actually kind of easy to miss if you�re not vigilant running around examining everything like an overly curious jackass. So about that destroyed Engels Goliath unit that�s taken residency in the City Ruins. There�s no quest marker for this initially. But if 2B happens to hop on top of the some destroyed roadway in front of Engles...

Hmm?

This machine is still alive.

So destroy it.

Maybe we should hold off. Its main drive has been trashed, so there�s no way it can attack us. And we might be able to learn something interesting if we study it.

You�re the nerd in this partnership here, 9S. If this gets us killed, this is entirely on you. So let�s examine this trashed Engels...

Why?

So we can learn more about the machines! Don�t you think it�s at least worth a shot?

If you say so.

Hmm... I�m going to need a pristine screw in order to finish the repairs.

We might be able to find one in the remains of other enemies.

Pod, search for the locations of relevant enemies.

Target location data obtained. Marking on map.

So begins the sidequest: Machine Examination 1. Never a good sign when a quest ends in a numeral... Oh well. What�s the worst that can happen? We fight another Engels? Pfft. We�ve trashed like three of them at this point in just gameplay segments. They�re no problem.

Pod marks the location of a ~~newly spawned enemy~~ likely location where machines carrying the necessary material can be found. It�s north of Jackass�s Desert Camp. Would have been nice to know that last time we were in the area. But what are you going to do?

The more data we have the better, right?

Music: Memories of Dust

If you say so, 9S. This is your dumbass experiment. Anyway, now hanging out in the Desert buffer zone is a Goliath Biped. We technically hadn�t seen the stock version of these guys yet, have we? They�re 100% exactly the same as their Fa�ade Cosplay cousins.

So we�ll just skip past the formalities and trash this thing immediately. Any enemies spawned for a quest yield a guaranteed material drop necessary for the quest. That said, it�s entirely possible to have a drop fall into some awkward, impossible to reach place. In which case... umm... hopefully you�ve got a save nearby and can give that another shot...

It�s worth noting that these Goliath Biped boys are worth a TON of experience for this point in the game for not a whole lot of effort honestly. 2B blazes up two and a half levels during this quest�s course.

We can use this screw to repair that big machine.

I really like the visual of 9S just jamming this one really well cleaned, shiny screw somewhere into this five story tall mechanical monstrosity and the whole thing being good to go...

Especially since it took him the better part of an hour to jam the screw it just the right place...

I a......cal......gles 110......

I was manu......huma......

Request......ation of......stat......

This thing can talk?

It seems to be replaying some kind of data. Machines don�t have a conscious mind, you know.

......

I managed to pull some data out of its memory. It seems to be info on the factory where it was constructed. I�ll save it in a readable format.

And that concludes the first part of this quest. Somehow G has manifested itself from the ether. I�m not complaining.

...More importantly, we have some new lore to check in on. Completing this quest unlocks the Intel > Engel�s Memories. Let�s take a look.

Nothing too interesting here. But I dig the full title of this unit is �Engels Fortress Destroyer Transformable Combination Infantry�. Powerful title.

No, it seems there�s more. But I need additional parts to access the rest. Let�s see... Four pristine screws and one large gear should be enough to bridge the gap in its memory circuits.

Fair enough.

Target location data obtained. Marking on map.

So we jump immediately from Machine Examination 1 to Machine Examination 2...

Just how it was manufactured. Pretty boring, actually.

There�s still a lot about machines that we don�t understand. Gather as much data as you can, no matter how irrelevant it may seem.

Well, our work is cut out for us here. There are FOUR new locations on the map with machine lifeform pi�atas containing more Pristine Screws.

Music: Rays of Light (Medium)

Like the previous materials, this once more involves destroying a Goliath Biped. Same level as last time. Same exact enemy. So let�s just skip ahead a bit, eh? The first one is in the stream just outside the Resistance Camp.

The second one was loitering outside the pylon tower on the northeastern edge of the city. He almost killed a moose during that battle. What a dick! I�m glad he�s dead.

The third one took up residence just south of Jackass�s Desert Camp. You know she would not have appreciated this idiot lumbering onto her turf. It�s probably for the best we were the ones to take it out...

And finally, certainly most annoyingly, was a Goliath Biped chilling in the sinkhole with those obnoxious rear end worm boys swarming around being a nuisance. I love this game. Those are some of the most poorly designed enemies in anything I�ve played this year... Anyway!

Destroying all four of those Goliath Bipeds results in four Pristine Screws we can use to repair that trashed Engels. For science... Let�s head back and see what results from this thought experiment...

I like to imagine there is 53 minutes of 2B sighing deeply as 9S desperately combs every inch of Engels looking for places to insert these screws...

AWW BEANS!

I was manufactured in February of the human calendar year 11,934 A.D. My first deployment was in August of that same year. Requesting confirmation of current status.

This thing�s getting chattier.

Requesting confirmation of current status.

Um... well, you were defeated by us androids. That�s why you can�t move. At this point, you should probably just hand over any classified information in your possession.

Understood.

And with that Engels barfs out a mess of G and a not too shabby amount of EXP. That was... surprisingly easy.

More importantly, there�s more lore to be had. Let�s take a look...

If nothing, we�ve discovered the machines still retain a Platinum Games Combo and Points system even if our androids have cast that bullshit aside. That seems important... You think they go only up to S Rank or SSS Rank?

My mission has already been accomplished. My commander is absent. I have no orders to withhold classified information. But as a combat weapon. I do not possess a great deal of data. You should not expect much.

We�ll keep that in mind.

And thus... kinda... completes that quest. Not really. We�ve gotten all the mission rewards we can out of interacting with this surprisingly friendly Engels unit. But the quest itself remains active. As, well... If we try to depart...

That�s not quite what�s happening here.

Please visit me again.

Why?

Because I have nothing to do.

Are you trying to say you�re bored?

Yeah... So Engels is a ~~machines don�t have higher functions~~ sentient war machine without any further purpose and unable to move anywhere. Which... seems like a real lovely scene, if you think about it. This quest is weird in that it requires moving on in the game a few ticks to progress, though it has to be initiated here. We can get the next portion of it by buzzing off for a bit doing other things.

Like using all the cash we looted murdering all of those Goliath Bipeds to get the final Chip Capacity Upgrade! We don�t have anything spectacular new to slot in here that we haven�t already seen. But this is the biggest boon in the game overall. So it�s good we already have that maxed out.

Anyway, back to Engels 110-B...

I have nothing to do. Tell me a story.

What?

Er, there isn�t much we can tell you. Most of our data is classified.

A story of the past would be fine. Tell me about how this city used to be.

Well, I suppose we can try.

This city was once home to a great number of humans.

Numbers beyond counting?

Something like that. Don�t you remember driving them out of here?

Humans were already gone at the time of my manufacture. All I know is ruin. And androids.

Regardless, don�t expect us to forgive you for the sins of your people.

Machine lifeforms do not comprehend the concept of �sin.�

Let�s go, 2B.

Sounds good.

And that concludes our moral relativism with another robot species. We�ll have further melancholy chats with Engels 110-B in the future. But for now, back to YoRHa business...

Video: Episode 29 Highlight Reel

Goliath Biped Concept Art � Strong arm boy.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 21:28 on May 19, 2017

# ¿ May 19, 2017 01:21

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Tarezax posted:

It was covered in the post. DarkId did part 2 of the quest in that update.

Yeah... I don't know what you all are going on about...

# ¿ May 19, 2017 02:18

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Fedule posted:

I think what threw everybody was...
...that I think the line in question is missing from about this point.

Welp poo poo. Yep, I missed a line and a series of misunderstandings happened. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU WRITE AN UPDATE AFTER 18 HOURS OF TRAVEL. (I am transcribing all of this manually.) :shepface:

I was manufactured in February of the human calendar year 11,934 A.D.

# ¿ May 19, 2017 02:29

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

InequalityGodzilla posted:

Id, can you clarify? Is it seriously just hopping up on that free and waiting for the conversation to trigger?

You need to hop on that piece of rock or around it to trigger that quest. Full stop. Like I'm taking video of all this... I'm pretty sure of most triggers and music cues. Like that Jackass quest has THIS CANNOT CONTINUE! No, fucker. I had the right thing then... I have literally 20 minutes of footage if you need further proof. I might do some typos but the bulletin points of everything? Naw, dog. I've studied that and it's right!

Edit: I know the details -

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 06:07 on May 19, 2017

# ¿ May 19, 2017 05:41

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode XXX: Welcome to the Family, Son

There�s one last sidequest in the City Ruins that is actually doable at this point in the game before we move on to go visiting Pascal again. There�s one back in the Resistance Camp that requires visiting an inaccessible area. Another one is over by the sewer leading to the Amusement Park that I think might straight up be an error for existing this early in the game because it involves an escort mission against a horde of Level 50 dudes. And one is a race that is just a complete fucker until we can augment 2B�s speed some more.

The aforementioned doable quest is initiated on a rooftop just north of the overpass leading to the Factory Ruins. Here we find a member of the Resistance hanging out in a barren storeroom. Let�s see what he needs from our top of the line android duo.

Hmm... Look, I know this is a bit out of the blue, but can you help me? I�ve got something of an emergency on my hands. It seems that some machine lifeforms have stolen several plug-in chips containing classified data. If they realize what they have, we�re going to be in big trouble. You have to help me get �em back!

Thanks. I have to track down a total of three plug-in chips. I�ll go ahead and send you the signal codes so you can track them. They�re all located somewhere in this city, so hopefully it won�t take too long.

So begins �Retrieve the Confidential Intel� mission. Tracking down three chips by trashing some machines. That sounds within our wheelhouse.

Marking approximate location on map.

What a helpful Pod. We�ve got two of �em on nearby rooftops a couple blocks down and one in the world�s most popular ruined building in the city. Let�s get crackin�!

Music: Rays of Light (Medium)

All the machines during this mission are Enhanced (red and black painted) versions of earlier machine lifeforms. The first mission hotspot, just the north of where the quest giver is hanging out, features Enhanced versions of small and medium flyers. They�ve gotten more zealous with their orb spamming but otherwise are a flat stat upgrade of what we�ve already seen.

Trashing all of these machines will automatically add the first Plug-in Chip to 2B�s pockets or... wherever she is storing these garbage bags full of loose chips and assorted garbage materials.

The second mission hotspot is on a rooftop just southeast of Jackass�s Desert Camp pathway. It takes some rooftop parkour to transverse to this location. But hey, that�s what double jumps are for!

It is likely in the possession of a machine lifeform.

Up in this mission zone we�ve got two Enhanced Axemen. We already saw them in the crater ambush mission from a couple updates ago. They�re no big deal. Slightly more worrying is the Enhanced Medium Biped Gunner. Instead of simply a steady stream of energy orbs, it is instead a shotgun scattershot. Which can be a problem. More pressingly...

They�ve got a charge-up shot doom laser that inflicts a massive amount of damage and can stunlock 2B into an early grave if she eats it in the face at a bad spot. It�s a good idea to avoid streams of plasma energy in general. Both in video games and real life.

A trio of trashed Enhanced machine lifeforms later and the second of three chips slides into our inventory. Let�s head on out to the third and final loca�

Oh?

This chip is a model used exclusively by YoRHa units. There is no reason for a non-YoRHa android to possess it.

A YoRHa-only chip?

Well, I mean... it�s not like the machine lifeforms should be holding onto those chips anyway. We�d best gather the last of �em. We can sort out the chain of possession afterwards. Anyway, the final chip is located on the ground floor of that building we fought Engels... and the YoRHa betrayers and landed on a few times.

In here we find a whole mess of Enhanced versions of the electric-shield wielding Stubbies.

We already saw the best way to deal with these guys back during Jackass�s trials and the answer to this situation is unleashing Mirage and quickly mopping up any machines not outright destroyed immediately by the Mirage�s activation.

As soon as the final Stubby is sent to the scrapyard, the third and final chip flies from its corpse and straight into 2B�s hands. All in a day�s work!

That�s a timely broadcast. Let�s see what the Commander wants this time. Hopefully no further covert assassinations under the guise of desertion. That�d be great...

This unit was in possession of several plug-in chips that contain classified information. I need you to seek out whatever intel you can regarding their current whereabouts and status.

Roger.

*disconnects*

Chips with classified data, is it?

Hmm... That does sound kinda familiar, doesn�t it? Ya know, let�s take a quick look at those chips we�ve been gathering. I mean chips drop all the time from machines. It could just be a coinci�

Hmm... No, looking at it closely now... Yeah, I see the fine print. Right on the bottom here. Containing classified information. That�s a bit troubling. Let�s head back to that guy who gave us the quest and see what the deal is here...

We are given the option to refuse this request and it does yield additional dialogue as well as making 2B not quite seem like a total idiot. So...

<Refuse.>

Huh? Why not? You don�t actually suspect me of something, do you? Come on! I need those chips!

<Refuse.>

Before I give you the chips, I need you to answer a question. Do you know anything about a missing YoRHa unit in the area?

...No.

You sure?

Look, just forget about the chips. See ya.

Alright, don�t be like that, ya weirdo. Unfortunately, there is no alternate resolution here. If we want to remove this sidequest from our bucket list, we�ve got to go ahead with this. Speaking to him again...

What? Do you feel like giving me those plug-in chips now?

Thank you. Oh, and I know this isn�t much, but please take it.

Well, that�s actually pretty generous. Some of those materials are fairly rare at this point and that G/EXP bonus doesn�t hurt. But that�s not all!

The shady Resistance member also forks over a new Pod Program � A140: Gravity. Gravity well... it plops down a vortex that sucks up all enemies to it center for several seconds. They can still attack there and it does no damage when the gravity well dissipates so... Yeah, Gravity sucks rear end. I suppose you could use it to suck up enemies and have an easier time following up with another Pod Program. Or you could just use two offensive Programs. Or a Level 2 singular one.

Oh yeah, this Pod Program can also crash the game if it sucks in more than ten enemies at once. It�s very rare for there to be that many enemies at once that can be hit with Gravity. But the possibility exists and they still haven�t patched that yet! So that�s cool.

Your... family, huh? I really don�t like the sound of that. Please don�t be doing weird sex things to that missing YoRHa unit, dude? That would fall very much under �NOT COOL!�

Anyway, this mission is only listed as Reported, not Completed. Which means there is a follow-up at a later date. Though unlike the missing Resistance member quest or others like it, there�s no automatic notification. Instead, a new quest marker quietly appears over by the Desert Housing complex. So let�s head out there.

It�s been a while since we�ve last traveled out here. Fun fact: It�s possible to backtrack to where we fought ~~Dickless Sephiroth~~ Adam. It�s now an infinite enemy spawning point for grinding. But we don�t need to use that at the moment.

What we do need to do is head to the southernmost apartment building ruins on the outskirts of the Desert Housing. Here, we find whatshisface from earlier. Let�s see how he�s getting along with those chips...

Er, I suppose you noticed those chips were YoRHa, huh? Well, there�s a reason for that. Let me introduce you to the new addition to my family.

New Music: The Color of Depression

I always wanted family, you know? Or at least I was pretty sure I did. Seeing all the machines living together in the same area was starting to make me... lonely. So I went out and stole a broken-down YoRHa body. I�m hoping I can repair it and use it to kick off my very own family.

H-H-H-Hello?

Unbelievable...

I know it isn�t right, but I don�t care. I need someone I can live with. Someone I can protect. You won�t tell anyone, will you?

P-P-P-Pleeee...ase...

......

WELP! Nothing about this feels comfortable. Let�s uhh... let�s just back up slowly and get out of here. And then IMMEDIATELY tell Command there�s some sinister business going on out in the desert. Again.

As soon as we head back to the Resistance Camp an e-mail comes in from Command. Let�s see what that�s all about. Maybe Pod 042 called the YoRHa equivalent of child protective services.

...Oh. Uhh.

Mission complete...? Well, the name of the mission was �Retrieve the Confidential Intel� and it technically was retrieved in the end so. Yeah... Go team...?

Really. That�s it. That�s all. They both died off-screen to machines. Or aced by YoRHa not wanting state secrets to be known by some weird hillbilly android. Who knows! The end! Hmm... how about next time we go visit Pascal and his folks. They seem like a happier lot. Remember waving that white flag? That was fun.

Video: Episode 30 Highlight Reel

City Ruins Concept Art � It�s gonna tip over any day now...

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 16:17 on May 26, 2017

# ¿ May 22, 2017 20:55

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode XXXI: Family Matters

Alright, 9S. What do you say we ditch these Resistance clowns and their really low resolution texture box and go see who�s up with Pascal and his machines for a while. Those guys seemed alright.

We could teleport straight into the Machine Village. But I dunno. I feel like two heavily armed androids stepping out of a random vending machine might be slightly startling to a bunch of machines. Also, as we approach the village an odd scene plays out...

*angrily hopping away* No! Get away from me, dummy!

......

What was all that about?

No idea.

OK... Err... Mother Machine, is it? Wait... do you have a lipstick mouth and eyebrows painted on...? And is that tattered cloth supposed to be... an apron? Err. Okay... I see the Quest marker above your head. I�ll indulge your... whatever this is...

Oh, this is so embarrassing! But if you must know, I was arguing with my child.

You don�t say.

That boy just refuses to listen to me, and now he�s gone and run off to who knows where! This is terribly forward of me, but would you mind finding him and bringing him home? I�d go myself, but I�d never survive out there on my own.

We�ll see what we can do.

Heh. Look at you, you big softie.

Please bring my child home. Please!

Fine... FINE! We�ll do one more sidequest and sort out this Family Squabble.

Checking out the map, it seems the machine child managed to hop his way all the way to the City Ruins central area. Indeed, he�s right next to the building we fought the second group of classified intel chip carrying machines in the previous sidequest. Small world. Literally. Let�s start heading in that direction.

It�s surprising to see them form familial units like that. I wonder if they�ll let us examine their brain circuits if we bring the kid home.

Your scientific curiosity is getting out of hand, 9S.

Joking! I�m joking! ...Mostly.

9S, we just finished a mission which involved some guy messing with another robot�s brains to Frankenstein �em into a weird fake sibling and it creeped out everyone involved. Also they all died. So maybe cool it with suggestions of brain circuitry screwin� about. Lest 2B rip her OS Chip out of her head again...

Anyway, as we approach the suggested mission area, we hear...

Careful, 2B. I�m picking up hostiles.

Music: Rays of Light (Vocal)

That doesn�t sound great. Androids to the rescue! Or making everything worse! It�s been kind of a toss-up so far! This dude seems like he�s in a pickle.

A single Small Biped is attempting to beat up on the robot child. Hey, dickweed! This sector is androids bullying machines. There ain�t no machine on machine hate crimes permitted. You know the rules! Now pay the murder price.

Alright. Problem solved. Now let�s see about... this ADORABLE little dude. Aww. He�s got overalls and a happy smile painted on. What�s the score, little guy?

Nnngh... *sniff*

We should leave before more enemies arrive.

No! I�m not going back! I�m NEVER going back!

Come on, kid. Don�t be unreasonable. Any ideas, 2B? I�ve never dealt with a snot-nosed machine before.

You got me.

I�m on it!

So this quest is a bit different from a few we�ve encountered or I�ve mentioned. This one is best off taken as early as possible. The enemies in NieR: Automata increase in strength with story progression, with a light bit of residual level scaling to the player in spots. Right now most of the City Ruin�s machine lifeforms are within Level 10-20, which is safely within our current range. So that�s fine. These first ones here are fixed Level 8-10 boys since they�re specifically spawned for the initial part of this quest. Not a problem.

My little brother broke a plate once and she blamed ME for it! My big brother punched me, but somehow it was MY fault! It�s not fair! I hate my mommy! I HATE her!

But to the issue with enemy levels, you might have noticed there was a health bar over the Child Machine�s head. That ain�t just for show. This is an escort mission. And all machines in the area will prioritize being a dick to the Child Machine. Seems normal machines and Pascal�s folks have beef.

The Child Machine is fixed at Level 10 permanently. He�s got a ton of HP, despite the lower level, but you can see where issues might arise if there�s a 10+ level gap of machines attacking.

It�s also worth mentioning, there is VERY MUCH friendly fire possible on our escort subject. Which is another issue of doing this quest later in the game with a beefier 2B. We have got to be mindful with how we deal with bullying machines. ESPECIALLY, in regards to Pod Programs. I might have seen someone stream this and try a charged Mirage right next to the Child Machine. That boy is now loving DEAD!

And yes, you can fail this quest. The Child Machine blows the gently caress up. 9S basically goes �Oh GEEZ. Aww FRICK! Aww HECK!� and then you�ve got to go back to the Machine Mother and inform her that her son is now scrap metal. And she just starts sobbing. The end. You gigantic incompetent piece of poo poo.

It is possible to retry the quest... in another playthrough, much later. Or you can just reload now and try to avoid gaining the Child Killer perk for the remainder of time.

Are you finished?

......

Your mother is worried about you. She sent us here to find you. So quit with the whining and let us take you home already.

...�Kay. *sniff*

So as I mentioned, this is an escort mission. And Stubby machines aren�t the swiftest of boys on the block, even at full speed hopping. And we do need to go all the way back to where this quest began over on the shortcut to Pascal�s village.

Hey, mister? Was Mommy really worried about me?

She sure was. So let�s go home and have you apologize, all right?

......

Once we get to the end of the next street over, the Child Machine is ambushed by bullying Buzzsaw and Gunner Stubbies. Here on out the enemies are whatever average story gate level the game is currently at (read: Level 15+) Everyone will target the Child Machine over 2B or 9S, so it�s important to take out all the close by machines before finishing off the further stragglers.

You may notice I�ve mentioned some active quests but haven�t initiated them yet, even if that seems like it would save time in the long run. Yeah, maybe that is the case. But that can also lead to huge conflicts that will royally screw up the flow of other quests. For instance, if we�d initiated the second part of the quest to repair Engels then started Family Squabble... whoops! There�s a Goliath Biped hanging out in the field near the tower now! Good luck getting our Stubby boy past that intact!

There�s also a quest over by the Amusement Park entrance that spawns a bunch of Level 35-50 machines by the underpass leading back towards the Resistance Camp. One of them gets interested in seeing what the ruckus is over here and... well, you can see the issue.

That aside, we do have a horde of flying gunner machines wanting to headshot our poorly little buddy. 2B and 9S gotta be dumping non-stop to deal with these jerks efficiently. Although, now�s a good time to be mindful of the auto lock-on. It absolutely will lock onto the Child Machine at close ranges occasionally and Pod 042 is designed only to murder machines. Ain�t no recognized IFF coming out of no machine, cute overalls paint job or not.

The biggest challenge of this escort mission is this duo guarding the shortcut back to the Machine Village. Two Medium Bipeds, one a sword wielding guy. The other is an advanced gunner. The sword machine isn�t too much of a threat since it�ll get easily distracted by 9S or 2B attacking it. The gunner though...

...Yeah. That guy can be a real problem. As in, if he can get a good bead on �em, he can send that child to The Shadow Realm in short order. Thankfully, gunners are NOT the most accurate of machines and the Stubbies have small hitboxes.

Regardless, it�s best to sort out those idiots in short order. C�mon, you guys are adult machines. What are you doing trying to beat up a Stubby? That�s just crass behavior. You got what you deserve.

As soon as we finish up with the last two machines, we just need to follow Child Machine to the edge of the forest where his mother is waiting for him.

Thank you so much for bringing him home.

......

Selfish child! How dare you make me worry like that!

Um, hey... no need to get all angry about this.

New Music: Treasured Times

M-Mommy? Mommy, no! Don�t cry!

Do you have any idea how worried I was?

I�m sorry, Mommy! Please don�t cry!

*sniff* I�m sorry too, my darling. I shouldn�t have said that.

*sniff* Oh, Mommy...

Go on, honey. Get yourself home. I have to thank these nice people for helping you.

Later, little guy. :3:

I never imagined how hard it would be to disconnect from the network. We�re constantly misunderstanding each other. Still, on those rare occasions where we connect, it makes me so very happy.

I can see that.

Thank you again for bringing him home. This isn�t much, but I�d very much like you to have it.

A Deadly Heal +3 is a pretty nice chip, considering we�ve only encountered the base level. Also, that�s a nice chunk of G for our troubles.

True. But it also seems kind of fun.

And that concludes the Family Squabble quest. Well, that was sweet. I think we could use something nice after the last handful of quests being... well, you saw them. I can't believe we just prevented child murder in a Yoko Taro game. Maybe this is gonna be a big paradigm shift in his attitude towards children killing...

Tune in next time when we finally make it back to Pascal�s Machine Village and maybe meet some of the other goofball machines hanging out in their weird Ewok tree village.

Video: Episode 31 Highlight Reel

Machine Hand Concept Art � We learned machines can fist pump. But can they fist bump?

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 16:16 on May 26, 2017

# ¿ May 24, 2017 18:04

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Here's a better look at Child and Mother Machine. Most side quests for machine dinguses unlock their entries in the Intel menu. There's also a Father Machine. He's got a suit and a beard spray painted on.

# ¿ May 25, 2017 04:17

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode XXXII: Machine Needs

OK. Let�s FINALLY get back on course for a bit and head on over to the Machine Village. If you�ll remember a half-dozen updates ago, we were tasked with gaining intel on/from Pascal. Hopefully, he�ll be forthcoming on answering any of our inquiries. And maybe while we�re in the neighborhood, we could question some of the other friendly machines in the area.

But wh-whatever happens, I�ll protect the village! I s-sure wish my shift would end already...

You hang in there, bud. There�s only party bots to east and machines to the south aren�t allowed to go between zones. That�d be ridiculous. However, if you see a moose or a boar lumbering this way... God help you. No pressure...

We passed it by earlier in our haste to advance the story, but the machines in town have helpfully set up a couple of shops at the village entrance. The ball shaped one to the right sells mostly the same sort of generic items we could get from the City Ruins or Desert Camps merchants of the Resistance. So no need to look at him. The one on the left does have some interesting stock, though...

It�s good to see you in one piece. I was worried I�d lost a valuable customer. I hope that guy in the forest is okay...

This machine is another Weapons Trader. It provides the same upgrade services of the Resistance Camp�s Weapon Trader (weapons upgraded to Level 3 of 4.) The guy in the forest he mentions might actually be referring to a hidden thing later in the game. We don�t have anything we can upgrade at the moment. But his stock of weapons is different. Let�s take a peek...

Appropriately enough, the Machine Weapons Trader sells all of the machine lifeform weapons for use by 2B. We�ve seen the Machine Sword and Machine Axe being wielded by hostiles. No spears yet. It�s been a while since our last new weapon. So let�s just start with the basics and grab a Machine Sword.

Yep. That�s a machine sword alright. It�s not particularly great nor is it terrible. Middle of the road stuff. At its first upgrade, the Machine Sword grants a Robot Discount. These two merchants, as well as any other machine lifeform vendors, will lower their prices. That could come in handy.

At maximum level, the Machine Sword picks up the Machine Brand trait. This deals more damage as more enemies are defeated with it (up to a maximum of +500 damage.) I don�t mean more enemies in a single fight buffs it. I mean there is a permanent boost to damage by grinding enemy kills with it. You know, like you had to do in Drakengard or something. No THANK YOU! I�m good! Now about your story...

Machine Sword posted:

�The more old records I read, the more fascinated I become by the species known as humans. We machines must do all we can to preserve these precious artifacts and continue to record their contents."

�I see from the records how important predation and reproduction were to human survival. And yet, they viewed such acts as sinful. I wonder why?�

�I found a famous human book today, but after reading it ten times, it still makes no sense to me. What possible attraction could there be to such a thing?�

�Eureka! It seems the answer was in front of me all along! I am simply incapable of comprehending anything - about humanity OR the world in general! Ah, how wonderful it is to live in a world swaddled in mystery!�

�Huh... turns out I�m not programmed smart enough to comprehend any of this mess. Nice! Glad I sorted that out,� is about the happiest ending you�ll see in one of these Weapon Histories. But enough of that. We�ll be back for the other weapons another day. For now, let�s get back on course and go speak with Pascal.

Music: Pascal (Vocal)

Oh! It�s 9S and 2B, yes? Those machines caused quite the ruckus, don�t you think?

We need to talk.

Pascal is a very helpful boy. We�re given a number of topics to discuss with Pascal. We really only need to ask about �other machines� to progress. But of course we�re going to run down the entire list. SGDQ is not for a few weeks.

> Ask about Pascal�s pacifism.

We have been alive for hundreds of years. We lost countless friends, time and time again. But losing friends isn�t what scares me. What scares me is the fact that I�ve grown used to seeing those I care about die all around me. That�s why I decided I�d had enough.

Simple enough. Seeing comrades die sucks. I can relate to that. Moving on...

> Ask about the aliens.

The... aliens? You mean the ones who created us? I�m sorry. There�s not much I can tell you. We�ve been fighting for centuries without a single message from them. I guess you could say that the fact they never give us orders anymore is also a reason why we quit fighting.

I like that Pascal takes a moment to figure out what we�re talking about with aliens. That�s not the word you�d use if you were an invading force from another world. It�s kind of weird that Adam referred to them as that. Also, that�s about the last the aliens will be brought up for a good long while. And even in the future, it�s just background mentions.

As I�ve said, they are NOT a factor in this story. They�re just set dressing. That�s why their appearance was the most generic Japanese version of default aliens. Which is, yes, penis monsters with tentacles. And before you start with the �oh Japan...� casual racism... they got that poo poo from the West. Specifically, the Martian description from War of the Worlds. Which is pretty much... a big phallic thing with eyes, a beak and a mess of tentacles at the bottom. The more you know...

> Ask about other machines.

Yes, 2B?

Aside from this village, are there any other machines that are cut off from the network?

Hmm... I suppose that unpleasant songstress you so kindly defeated in the amusement park wasn�t part of the network.

You mean that singing thing?

Oh, and of course there�s the forest kingdom, but�

Forest kingdom?

Yes. It�s a vast woodland area not far from here. There�s a group of machines there attempting to build a nation of sorts. They�re quite hostile to outsiders, however. We can�t so much as go near the place.

Where is it?

Northeast of the city ruins. You should be able to reach it by passing through the ruins of the commercial facility. If you go, however, be careful. Things have been rather rough there lately.

This... forest kingdom sounds like something we should check out.

Alright. So we�ve finally found what this chapter title was talking about... The Forest Kingdom. Northeast of the City Ruins through the commercial facility means across that rope bridge near the tower pylon over by the shortcut to Pascal�s Village. Seems there�s a mall or something across that. That is our new destination. But first... we haven�t really explored the Machine Village much. And wouldn�t you know it... a slew of sidequests have popped up in the area.

Well, we did slightly advance the plot. It couldn�t hurt to go be social with some friendly machines and maybe knock out a few more sidequests. Pascal�s Village is divided into three levels, with a few additional nooks and platforms here and there. Pascal is up on the top one where we are now. The machine shops are on the lower level. And there�s a ground level below that. Let�s start up top.

This guy is not my kinda guy.

Stay out of trouble!

No promises there. Err... how do you get out of that cabin? It doesn�t have any doors and I don�t think you could fit through that window. Wait... Sheltered Machine. Is this just you? This is your life now? You and the cabin? That�s cool. I won�t judge. Looks like you have a nice view at least.

A solitary man is a true soldier! But feel free to drop by whenever you want, okay?

Aww... My dude, you should go hang out with Sheltered Machine if you�re lonely. That guy ain�t going anywhere. Just avoid Weird Machine. Brother has a bad vibe...

Well hey, look who it is... Mother Machine, Child Machine and... well, I suppose it would make sense there�s a Father Machine. It�s difficult to see from this distance but...

Father Machine has an entire suit painted onto his body with a beard on his face. That�s dedication. I love him. :3:

I fear this is in no small part my fault, for I put all the burden of raising him on my wife.

You certainly did!

I�m sorry, dear.

Yeah, Daddy! You should play with me more!

I�m sorry...

Well, as long as you�ve learned your lesson...

Yeah! Learned your lesson!

I was hoping one of you would take my side...

......

I suppose I should try to be more of a �family man,� as they say. But what does that entail, exactly...?

That�s a loaded question. You�re going to have to figure that one out on your own, bud. Anyway, let�s speak with the rest of the 1950s Machine Family before moving on.

I�m a really good boy now. I listen to EVERYTHING Mommy says! Really! I�m good now! I�m really, REALLY good! Really, I mean it!

Well good for you. Let�s just hope you don�t one day evolve into a Teenage Machine and get a rebellious paint job and give yourself a patchy goatee. That�d be... unfortunate.

I feel like I understand him better than before. I know that raising a child is never easy. But I feel it�s worth the struggle.

Well, I�m glad things worked out for you all and I didn�t accidentally slice the boy into a dozen pieces with an ill-timed Mirage... Who�d do such a thing...? A real dick, I bet!

Up above the Machine Family we find a Normal Machine that seems to be having some issues. Near them is a door shut with the same sort of padlock as those pesky treasure chests we cannot access. There�s nothing to do here for the time being. We�ll just keep this place in mind for later.

Sure, sometimes it would be nice to be warm and cozy, but out here I�m always free.

Gonna be real, I feel like living in a house with a hovercraft for legs would be kind of a hassle. You�re probably making the right call.

It�s a comfortable life. I have everything I need.

Oh, is that right? Well you might think that...

But what are you going to do from the safety of your home when an android jumps up on your roof and starts jacking your poo poo? Now what? That burglary is not within arm�s reach. You fool of a machine! But enough of poorly thought out machine philosophies on the top level. Let�s head down below and poke around. Not that there are many machines we�ve yet to see...

Dear me... Where could it have gone?

They can just pop off like that if you get shaken up? That seems like a huge design flaw. Maybe you should investigate the ancient human innovation of �duct tape.� It could prevent such a future catastrophe.

Uh... huh. Something about that name irritates me...

Anyway, that�s all for the central level. Let�s head on down to the ground level of the village. This seems to be where a bunch of machine children hang out. Also, a couple of sidequests are here as well. We�ll maybe check those out in a minute. Let�s hear what the rest of the NPC machine lifeforms have to say first.

Yeah, I play competitive shooters with my friends occasionally too. I know how you feel.

He just doesn�t seem to care about punctuality at all! Or perhaps he�s angry I keep asking him to carry me everywhere...

No, my dude. It�s because you keep dying 40 seconds into the match and then bitching about everyone else�s performance on voice chat...

I�m trying to think of games we can play with their stubby little legs...

Maybe we should just settle for tag.

Yeah, tag�s not bad.

Sadly, there is not a scene where we get to watch these little dingus robots play tag. Which I feel is a severe oversight in this game�s design philosophy.

Heh heh. How cool does this make me look!?

Oh, you lil� stinker. I see what you�ve done... But you know what? That guy up there has torsos to spare. Screw �em. You hang on to that one. We won�t tell.

I wish I was as big as him!

His is a tough and complicated life. Especially the dick machine part...

I need your help.

Okay. That is it for the non-quest related NPCs in Pascal�s Village. Mostly. If we pass by this machine wearing a bow, they cry out for our help. What do you need and/or where do we need to go, machine lady?

And it�s all my fault... It seems she overheard me complaining about how one of my parts was starting to seize up. So she went off to the desert in search of a replacement. It�s been days now, and she�s still not back. Please, you have to help me! I�ll pay you whatever you want!

So begins the �Lost Girl� quest. Remember the whole suggestion to continue with the main story until the unlocking Fast Travel? Yeah... that is almost entirely so quests from the Machine Village aren�t attempted beforehand as most of them involve traveling literally across the game�s map. It�s easy to get burnt out on quests when there�s a ten minute commute between stages of the job.

Still, it�s pretty funny to hear machines talk about siblings. Do you think she just means they were built at the same factory or something?

Maybe.

Beyond the Big Sister machine�s plight, there�s a couple of androids skulking in the shadows of the village. They too seem to have a quest. I know I just said in the last update to avoid taking a bunch of quests at once. But none of these conflict and it�ll be fine if we knock �em out in short order. What�s up androids? You�re in the wrong part of town...

Oh no!

Sorry, is something wro�

Mercy! Please, just let us go!

Um, I think there might be some kind of misunderstanding here.

You mean you aren�t here to arrest us?

Noooo. Wait, why do you think I�d arrest you?

We... deserted the Resistance.

You what?

We just want to find a place where the two of us can live our lives in peace. Is that so wrong?

Please don�t tell anyone we�re here. Please!

We�re not with the Resistance. We�re YoRHa. We don�t have any obligation to report you to your superiors.

Thank goodness.

Still, if you guys stay here, they�re going to find you eventually.

We don�t have a choice. My locomotion functions have been damaged and we don�t have the necessary materials to perform repairs.

Er... I don�t suppose you�d bring us the materials we need?

Huh? Who, us?

We can�t get them ourselves�if we leave this place, we�ll be found for certain.

Hmph. Another one of these kinda quests, huh? Alright. What do we need and where do we find it...?

Thank you. We just need an elaborate gadget to conduct the repairs. I saw one near the abandoned factory.

Thank you again. We know you can do this.

There�s another quest in the backlog. An elaborate gadget from the factory ruins. I�m sure we�ll be back in the neighborhood for that soon enough.

There is one last sidequest available in the Machine Village at the moment. We need to go back to the top level near the Machine Family and head over a nearby bridge to an adjacent platform. Here we find a real piece of work... This trifling motherfucker right here...

Um...

Man is nothing else but what he makes of himself. Additionally�

Um, hello?

Yes? And you are? Wait! Do not tell me! I have already deduced that you are here to listen to me expound upon the great mysteries of existence. Well enough! Let us begin by discussing the concept of existentialism. Essence and existence are two sides of the same coin. And yet, what IS existence? I�m glad you asked! To answer that will require many long hours of�

This is pointless.

All he does is spout a bunch of mumbo-jumbo about something called �philosophy.� If you�re curious about him, you�ll have better luck talking to his followers. They tend to use smaller words, at least.

This guy has followers?

More like fans, I suppose. But yes, there are quite a few out there who buy what he�s selling. Don�t ask me why. Some folks just get into that sort of thing, I suppose. There�s even one Jean-Paul follower right here in the village. You know the machine with the thick paint on her face? That�s the one.

Alright, another quest in the docket. Fun fact: This character�s name in the Japanese version is Sartre. Much like Beauvoir�s name was changed to Simone for Western translations due to legal issues, so did Sartre become Jean-Paul. Jean-Paul Sartre was a French existentialism philosopher, if you couldn�t guess. His philosophies made him come off as... what�s the correct term...? Hmm... Ah right... I�ve got it: kind of a dick. As we�ll see during this quest, which is entirely putting forth the thesis of: �Jean-Paul Sartre Was a Self-Absorbed rear end in a top hat.�

It makes a very convincing argument.

We�re going to hold off on the first couple quests for now since they�re outside of the Machine Village. But Jean-Paul�s Melancholy�s first step is just on the other side of town. Again, it�s difficult to get a close look at Machine With Makeup up close from this limited 2D plane view. So...

Hmm... not the best paint job we�ve seen. She should really go ask the Machine family for some pointers... But, that�s none of our business. Let�s hear what she has to say about Jean-Paul for... wait, why are we doing this again...?

Do you happen to know a machine named Jean-Paul?

I certainly do! Master Jean-Paul is a genius. You can rely on him for absolutely anything.

Are we talking about the same Jean-Paul here?

In fact, I was just thinking about how much wisdom he has to teach me, so I wrote him a letter asking for guidance. You�ll take it to him, won�t you?

Huh!?

I can�t let that lady in the desert get to him first! Or that harpy in the amusement park...

Great. There are more of these weirdos? And wait, they have genders?

Yes, 9S. They have genders. There�s a Mom, Dad and Big Sister Machine we�ve just met today alone. Get with the program.

Okay. This is now... literally a FedEx Quest, huh...? Fine. We�ll take the letter back to that top hat wearing machine.

Ah, yes. I see. Dreams are the mind�s version of reality perfected.

Hey, Jean-Paul? We have a delivery for you.

Ah! Allow me to see it at once. Interesting. A letter, is it?

A female machine asked us to deliver it to you. She said she could rely on you, and that you know pretty much everything.

Yes, yes. Now if I may, do you believe that existence precedes essence?

Um, is this about the letter?

No.

Right, but shouldn�t you maybe respond to the letter?

Is one duty-bound to reply to every question spewed in their direction? If such is your claim, then what power was it who placed this burdensome yoke about my neck?

This is a waste of time.

You got that right.

Oh ho! Have you come to hear my lecture as well?

I�m good, thanks.

Right then... The other two portions of Jean-Paul�s quest involve a trek to the Amusement Park and the Desert Housing ruins. On top of that, we�ve got a missing machine child in the Desert Zone and a wayward elaborate gadget in the Factory Ruins. That�s a lot of ground to cover.

Thank goodness we now have Fast Travel. It would really suck to have to hoof it to all those locations on foot. Yep... Sure would suck if someone did that not knowing there would eventually be an instant way to teleport between major locations.

:suicide:

Video: Episode 32 Highlight Reel

Machine Village Concept Art - Seriously... it's just the Ewok Village if they'd had more favela shacks bolted onto it.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 20:04 on May 27, 2017

# ¿ May 26, 2017 19:29

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Mzbundifund posted:

But H.G. Wells was English!

Yeah, he was. But America kinda did this whole invasion and occupation thing a while back and really crammed a lot of western culture down Japan's throats. And a lot of weird Japanese poo poo traces its roots back to 1940's America being into some weird poo poo. I'll change it to the West instead.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 21:47 on May 26, 2017

# ¿ May 26, 2017 21:23

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode XXXIII: Hey, Mister!

Let�s help out some folks in Pascal�s Village. Jean-Paul, you can piss off until next time. Today we�re going to start with the Wandering Couple because it only takes a couple minutes to sort out.

According to the runaway android woman, she saw an Elaborate Gadget over by the entrance to the Abandoned Factory. We can teleport over there straight away. Unlike running the distance, which is a good ten minute round trip. No, I definitely didn�t do all of these quests as soon as they were available the second visit to the Machine Village. That�d be a huge waste of time!

So our directions are near the entrance to the factory and...

...Well, they ain�t kidding. It�s literally right up the stairs from the Access Point in the first pile of trash we come upon. There�s nothing even here to guard it. Well... that was shockingly easy.

Back we go to Pascal�s Village to turn this in. Yep. It really would have sucked to have sprinted clear across the City Ruins just to grab a single item off the ground and then have to dash all the way back... No, I�m not annoyed I did something like that. Why would you think such a thing?

I�m so glad we trusted you. We�ll leave this place as soon as we can. Please pray for our safe passage.

And that concludes... the first part of the Wandering Couple quest. It�s only Reported after this, not completed. There�s a few more stages to this quest. But they involve venturing to an area we have no business visiting just yet. And even if we did, we don�t have the necessary equipment to deal with its second stage. So we�ll let this one hang for a while.

Instead, we should probably see what we can do about another lost machine child wandering out in the desert. That seems like it could go real rotten if left unattended.

We�re given a vague hotspot of the better part of the Desert. For now, we�ll just head to the Desert Center transporter and work our way from there. Though as soon as we arrive, Pascal decides to ring up the androids with further information.

Music: Memories of Dust

Er, Pascal? Is that you?

Ah! 9S! Yes, it is me. Many apologies for the sudden transmission. I heard that you were searching for the missing child, yes? Well, if you would, please consider this a personal request from myself as well. Go find the child as quickly as you can! She�s such a good little girl, and so fond of her sister! She�s probably somewhere around the desert at the moment. That�s where she�s likely to find the dented plate her sister needs.

Got it.

Thank you so much. And please be careful, all right?

Follow Pascal�s transmission, we�re given a specific location of the missing robot girl. That helps. Scouring the entire desert would be... trying. And there�s already a quest to do that later in the game. Bleh...

A note on the Desert Zone, since we haven�t had much reason to venture out here in a while. Unlike the City Ruins, which has frequent story gated raising of enemies� levels and passive scaling with 2B�s current level going on... nobody cares about the Desert Zone. All the wandering Facade cosplaying idiots out here are still capped at Level 10 and below. Given that 2B is nearly ten levels above that, everything wandering the desert sands just absolutely melts in seconds.

Just worth pointing out. Now about that little girl. As we approach the border between the Desert Zone and the Desert Housing, we come upon...

Waaah! I wanna go hoooome... Siiiiisteeeeer! Where are you!? Nnngh... *sniff*

I think we found our missing machine. Let�s go try to calm her down.

Huh? Who are you?

Your sister asked us to look for you.

...She did? Really?

Really. So what do you say we head home?

Waaaaaaaaaah! I was soooo scaaaaared!

How�d you get lost out here, anyway?

I was looking for my sister�s part...

*grabs head* But then I got scared and I couldn�t move and... and... and... Waaaaah!

Aw, come on now, don�t cry! Did you at least find what you needed?

Y-Yeah. *sniff* She�ll be happy, right?

I�m sure she will. But I bet she�ll be even happier to see you back home safe and sound.

...�Kay.

So this mission is FAIRLY similar to the one from a couple updates ago where we escorted the Child Machine through the City Ruins. We do have to escort Little Sister Machine clear across the Desert Zone back to the entrance of the buffer between here and the Valley of the Tall Stacked Boys. Which is a decent clip. There�s a few key differences in this escort. Chiefly... Little Sister Machine is REALLY chatty and it�s great...

No one �made� the desert. It�s just an area that lost all its vegetation due to a lack of precipitation. This caused lasting changes in the soil, which means plants aren�t able to�

What�s �soil�?

Soil? Uh, it�s dirt. Ground. The stuff we�re walking on?

Ooooooo! I like ground.

Like when escorting the Child Machine, we will periodically get jumped by hostile machine lifeforms along our trek. This escort mission is significantly easier for a couple reasons.

One: All the enemies capped at Level 10. Which, as mentioned earlier, means they�re dead before 2B can finish so much as an entire weapon flourish animation. And two: it... isn�t actually an escort mission. Little Sister Robot will cower until we deal with the enemies, who do attempt to attack her. But the thing is she�s a big girl for her age and as such... she doesn�t actually take any damage or reach to attacks at all. She�s invincible. She doesn�t even have a health bar or level indicator. Seems Yoko Taro only lusts for the blood of small children.

Wind is just a force caused by changes in temperature and atmospheric pressure and... Huh. That�s actually a hard question, now that I think about it. Kind of deep, really. I mean, where does the wind blow from? What do you think, 2B?

Don�t know. Don�t care.

For the second ambush, the machines bring along a big axe boy to the rumble. He is... still a Level 10 axe boy. It doesn�t go well for him or his posse. Moving right along...

Uuuuuuuum... Well, machines can�t really make children. Neither can androids, now that I think about it.

Yeah, but how DO you make �em?

*exasperated* Uhh, 2B? Little help here?

Huh? You�re the chatty one. Work it out.

Ooof.

Mister! Mister, wait! You gotta tell me how you make chil�

Wow, it�s getting late! Let�s get you home already!

Look, kid. That's a complicated question. The Birds and the Bees now has to factor in Sephiroths and that's just thrown everything outta wack. Anyway, as a final challenge, the machine ambushers try bringing along a Goliath Biped to take the androids and their ward by surprise. Just one problem with this...

...It�s still a Level 10 Goliath Biped and it still goes down in about 15 seconds of concentrated attack. The level difference damage offset is a harsh mistress that goes both ways. Despite that, a Goliath Biped is worth a boat load of experience when felled, regardless of its actual level.

That�s the last of the desert machine ambushes and this faux-escort mission. All we have to do is walk Little Sister Machine the rest of the way to the Desert Zone�s edge where we get one last chat...

Thanks, mister! Thanks, grumpy lady! Oh, and here. You can have this.

Ergh... Thanks, kiddo? Does this prevent against status ailments or...?

*waves and walks off*

......

Well, that was exhausting.

Yep.

OK. We�re done here. Except... what was that Pink Ribbon about...? Let�s dig around in our inventory.

It turns out it�s a Key Item. One that we can equip. What does it do? Absolutely nothing! Well, except...

...Give 2B a big pink ribbon in her hair. Aww. That�s nice. I don�t think it�s her style though. Too bad, grumpy lady. You�re wearing it until we finish this quest.

To do that, we do need to return to Pascal�s Village and confirm Little Sister Machine made her way back to Big Sister Machine.

It�s worth a mention that since we�ve left Pascal�s Village for a spell, the Wandering Couple have moved on. In their place we find a couple of Normal Machines who have a few words to say.

I�D LOVE TO GO BEYOND THE SEA TOO...

I HOPE THEY FIND THE HAPPINESS THEY SEEK.

Alright, you two need to deactivate your ZOAH.EXE runtime files immediately. Though, they�re heading... beyond the sea? Well, we�ll keep that in mind for later. For now, let�s conclude the quest we�ve been focusing on.

Music: Treasured Times

I promise not to make my sister worry any more.

I�m feeling much better thanks to the part she found. Please, take this...

Another nice chunk of change, a decent bit of EXP and yet another ribbon. And most importantly, we did something nice for these dingus machines.

The Blue Ribbon is yet another cosmetic item for 2B. I dunno. I think this one goes with her outfit alright. Well, 9S you get on top of explaining how children are made. Tune in next time for a far less cute adventure. But for now, enjoy this sappy thing. :3:

Video: Episode 33 Highlight Reel (You should watch this.)

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 16:01 on May 28, 2017

# ¿ May 27, 2017 20:17

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode XXXIV: Existence Precedes Essence

That last quest was really cute. Let�s move on to something far less pleasant. Hey, remember how I insisted everyone should wait until unlocking Fast Travel before doing most sidequests? Guess what? That�s almost entirely because of this garbage task.

To progress in this quest, we now need to track down Jean-Paul�s other two followers in the amusement park and desert regions. Still... not entirely sure why we�re doing this, other than 9S being curious and 2B being too apathetic about the whole affair to shoot him down just yet. Anyhow, the Amusement Park trek isn�t too bad. We could easily dash over there in 3-5 minutes tops.

The Jean-Paul follower we want is located in the central part of the main Amusement Park street on the opposite side of the gated area leading off to Pascal�s Village. This is apparent �Machine With a Dream�. Sure...

Hello. Do you know of a machine named Jean-Paul who lives in the village?

Master Jean-Paul is quite the mysterious gentleman. One might go so far as to call him suspicious. And yet he�s so alluring all the same!

Suspicious... and alluring?

Exactly. And I know just the gift for someone of that description! You�ll deliver it to him straightaway, won�t you? I won�t let that terrible girl in the desert find a way to interfere with our love!

OK... The Machine with a Dream gives us a hunk of glass as a gift for Jean-Paul. I�m sure this has a deep meaning. I was never much for philosophy study...

Regardless, back to Pascal�s Village we go to deliver the goods to Jean-Paul and see his reaction. Maybe this time it�ll be a bit less... dismissively assholish?

Moments are transitory. One cannot possess them. A moment passed is a moment lost; a symbol of idle, unrestrained apathy that�

Can you please just take this present already?

A gift? Let me see.

Here you go.

Ah, yes. Fascinating...

The machine who gave this to us said you were both �suspicious� and �alluring.�

It seems this so-called �gift� is nothing more than a piece of unadorned glass. Therefore, I can only surmise that�

Um, do you want us to bring a message back to the woman who gave this to you?

For a mere trifle? No.

Okay then.

Let�s go.

Right, then. Another waste of our time. Perhaps the third one will be the charm in getting Jean-Paul to stop being a dick. The final admirer of JP is hanging is indeed hanging out in the desert. More specifically, the Desert Housing region. Hopefully they�ve cleaned up the corpse resurrecting weirdo and his Frankensteined son�s bodies from our previous sidequest in the area.

The machine we want is straight north of the Desert Housing Access Point, hanging around the corner with four other non-hostile desert machines.

The four generic machines all are apparently named �Wife Machine� and hiss about the androids being outsiders and freaks. Don�t ask me what this is all about. If it�s some kinda reference, it�s gone over my head. Let�s speak with the one with a unique outfit, the �Machine in Love� as it likes to be called.

Ack!

Huh?

You came here from Master Jean-Paul�s village, didn�t you? I can tell. I can smell him on you. *sniiiiiiiiff* Ahhhh!

Okay. That�s weird.

Jean-Paul is wonderful. He pursues new knowledge with a passion that is almost indescribable. I admire him as I do no other.

You have issues.

And YOU clearly lack a discerning eye. I bet men take advantage of you all the time.

Not exactly.

Ah, right. I found something that Master Jean-Paul is sure to be interested in. Please take it to him with all speed!

I suppose when there�s been a war waged between assorted robots for several times longer than recorded human history, fossilized machine parts would start becoming a thing. I somehow doubt Jean-Paul is going to be interested in its historical significance...

What?

Do you think this *BLEEP* fellow is being a little too... I dunno. Glorified?

That�s certainly one way to put it...

So I mentioned having to change Sartre�s name to Jean-Paul due his estate being extremely litigious. Turns out Square-Enix�s legal department didn�t catch that until after the English voice acting had already been recorded. So instead of getting 9S�s VA in to re-record a single line of dialog in a sidequest, they just bleeped it out. Which to me is funny, as I like to pretend 9S was just getting fed up and called Jean-Paul a fucker. Despite that, I�m sure there�s an angry rambling internet post somewhere screeching about censorship in localization and how dare they and also this is somehow women�s fault.

Anyway, back to ~~that fuckhead~~ Jean-Paul...

We�re here with a present for you.

A present? Of what sort?

It�s a fossil. One of your followers asked us to deliver it to you.

I see. I see.

She said you were �indescribably passionate� when it came to learning. Or something like that.

A mechanical fossil. No use at all.

Do you want us to tell her anything on your behalf, or...

I�ll not waste words on mere junk.

Junk!?

......

I suppose we should go tell his followers exactly what he thinks of them, huh? They�ll be waiting for some kind of reply.

Riiiiight... So here�s the second half of this quest: Go back to all three followers and speak to them a second time. Yep, definitely didn�t want to stab this prick through his top hat and into his brain box by the time I was done doing this quest before obtaining Fast Travel. No sir...

Oh well... At least one of the machines are still in the village. Let�s hit them up first...

Actually, he said it wasn�t worthy of a response.

I KNEW it! Isn�t he the greatest? I can�t get enough of him.

You don�t say...

......

I won�t let those other women beat me to the punch�I must write Master Jean-Paul a new letter at once!

Why do I get the feeling all three machine ladies are going to be thrilled to be getting rejected? Oh well, who am I to judge? Let�s just get this over with...

I must know what he said!

Well, he said it was a mere trifle.

Such insight! Such truth! He sees to the core of things in a way others cannot! I shall follow you for the rest of my days, Master Jean-Paul!

That�s a long time.

......

Oh, Master Jean-Paul... What must I do to claim your attentions...?

Thank goodness for fast travel. You know how goddamn far it is from here to Pascal�s Village on foot...?

He called it a useless piece of junk.

Such cruelty! I�ve barely the words for it! When I think about his wanton sadism, it makes me... Oooooooh.

......

You seem quite friendly with Master Jean-Paul... See that you don�t steal him away from me!

No worries there, lady. After our follow-up chat with all three admires, Jean-Paul�s Melancholy updates. Seems we need to return to the jerk one final time...

This had better result in Jean-Paul tumbling down a comically long flight of stairs. Or at least 9S getting his top hat as an accessory.

Goddammit! Did we miss him topple down the stairs? No satisfaction in this quest. None. I don�t care if Jean-Paul vanishing from existence having accomplished nothing would be the most appropriate end to this story arc. :argh:

If you�re looking for Jean-Paul, you�re too late. He set out on �a journey.�

A journey, huh?

Yes. He said he needed to go find himself or... something. Oh, but he left a letter for you. Here.

A letter, huh? Funny, he doesn�t seem like the type. Let�s take a look at its text...

...Now this. This here checks out. You goddamn piece of poo poo machine. I hope one of those terrible electric worm machines rends you asunder on your journey.

Platinum Games is soft. If Cavia still were around that letter would have been the only quest reward for completing this nonsense. Not that I�m longing for those days of trolling bullshit, mind you.

I wonder if all his followers being female had something to do with his weirdness. Did the human sexes interact with each other like this? Who knows...

Who knows...

And that�s it! If you�re looking for some deeper meaning to this quest... naw dawg! There isn�t one. Yoko Taro or one of the other writers had to study Sartre�s work in college or something. They had a goddamn axe to grind about how they thought he was a huge dick and you should too. That�s it! That was the quest!

You know what...? Mission accomplished! gently caress Jean-Paul Sartre!

Video: Episode 34 CENSORSHIP! (Edit: Pfft hahaha.)

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 04:40 on May 29, 2017

# ¿ May 28, 2017 21:48

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

I'm glad that 32 second highlight video churned out some humor.

# ¿ May 29, 2017 03:46

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

GoneRampant posted:

I never actually said the words "SJWs," and I wasn't bitching about them- what I said was "Going after someone's RL job over online things isn't cool IMO." Please don't put words in my mouth, and if you disagree with me, I'd happily discuss it with you.

Now as for what I'm doing in that comment section? Pure, fun shitposting. I like riling people up.

Feel free to ply your poorly developed shitposting craft in the remedial class cesspool that is Youtube comments sections. But don't drag your leaky diaper of poo poo nobody cares about in here. Thanks.

Edit: Everyone cool it on Youtube talk. That poo poo is done.

The Dark Id fucked around with this message at 19:43 on May 29, 2017

# ¿ May 29, 2017 18:58

The Dark Id: Aug 13, 2005; Why
you
know
I
LOVE
THIS SHIT !!!!
[citation needed]

Episode XXXV: Games Are Art

That concludes our business in the Machine Village for now. Though we�re not quite done with our journey into sidequests just yet. Don�t worry, we�re getting back to the main plot in a couple updates. The alternative is we cram everything until after the Forest Kingdom arc, as the story beat following that its a point of no return in which half the available early quests all fail at once.

An eagle eyed observer might have noticed during Jean-Paul�s Melancholy that a few ??? red dots appeared on the map over by the Amusement Park. We�re going to go check a couple of those out today.

The first one is on the route between Pascal�s Village and the Amusement Park. There�s really no reason to head through here again once Fast Travel is unlocked. Despite that, a new machine has decided to camp out at the mid-way point between the two locations. Again, locked onto the 2D zoomed out plane, it�s difficult to see what this machine looks like up close. So let�s cheat a bit.

Meet the Scientist Machine. You can tell he�s a scientist from the painted on spectacles and white lab coat. Very official. Good to see Dr. Kleiner still getting work after Half-Life fizzled out. Anyway, let�s see what this machine�s story is...

Quite! I�m sure of it. Yes yes. After all, I am the genius whose very name makes the earth itself tremble! Coming to me for advice proves a keen mind and stout heart! Yes. Why, if you invest but a little in my efforts, I shall provide you with all the desires of your imagining! Well then? Care you to invest in my life�s work?

<Invest.>

I�m suddenly filled with far less confidence in this guy�s acclaimed accomplishments. Not sure what that�s all about...

And just between you and I, know that if you provide enough of an investment, I�ll be able to provide certain... dividends in return.

We�re now given the opportunity of a lifetime to invest in the scientific research of the Scientist Machine. This sounds on the level. I mean, science is right there in his name. He�s got to be an authority in the field.

Here, have 10G! No need to thank us. We�ve dabbled in the name of science before...

However, I yet lack the budget I require, and so am unable to provide the promised material dividends. Do let me know if you find another opportunity for us to do business together! Yes yes!

Half-wit Inventor is less a quest and more of a gigantic money sink. Granted, it does have a lot of really good rewards and some... interesting... developments as we burn more money funding Scientist Machine�s scientific endeavors (The Adam Administration has REALLY cut back on spending in this sector.) But we�re not going to be completing this quest anytime soon as the required funds are well beyond our poverty line. But we�ve got a good 31k G saved up in the coffers. I suppose we can spare a bit more now.

I�m uncertain why they provided all these incremental funding options when there are distinct thresholds we�ve got to pass in order to advance the quest. 1000G is the bare minimum to get anything more than gratitude and an immediate request for additional funds. So fine. We can spare a grand.

I look forward to a fruitful working relationship in the future! Quite!

Oh geez, nobody told us we�d have extended wait periods for the sidequest here. Well, at least in this case it�s a hiatus from the eternal machine war and not a few weeks out at sea fishing while we�ve got a sick daughter at home.

Meeting the first Machine Scientist Kickstarter stretch goal, the Scientist Machine forks over the first payout: Copper Ore, a Rusted Clump and a Broken Circuit. Hmm... Not sure if that was worth a grand considering most of that could have been gotten from just flipping out and murdering a small crowd of standard machine lifeforms.

But, just because we�ve reached the first goal doesn�t mean the pursuit of money in order to fund the pursuit of scientific advancements is on hold. I suppose we can invest another 2000 G to reach the second quest goal and take another two day vacation playing tag with machine kids or whatever the heck 2B and 9S do on work leave those couple days.

We could afford the next couple of quest goals now 5000 G and 10000 G respectively but... money isn�t extraordinarily abundant in the early part of NieR: Automata and I don�t want to burn through all of our savings just yet. Later in the game, our androids could easy build a Scrooge McDuck style money vault filled with G in very short order and we�ll be able to fund this quest to completion to the tune of about 180,000 G total. So for now, we�ll let this quest hang and decline to invest any further.

...Pardon? You accuse me of clicking my tongue in your general direction? Horrors! I would not! I would NEVER! I, after all, am nothing without you. Is this not true?

We�ll be back to fund the Half-wit Inventor later on down the road. Let�s head to the Amusement Park proper and pick up the solitary quest available on the park grounds.

Appropriately enough, this next sidequest is initiated from the ticket booth at the park�s western entrance. What�s your deal, robot clown?

Here�s your stamp card. If you collect all the stamps, you�ll win a free prize!

Alright... Collecting stamps. Do we get a free meatball sub if we get �em all? I could go for one of those. I�ve got to stop writing these updates before I eat a meal. I don�t even think there�s any sandwich joints open at this hour...

And just between you and me, I hear that the prizes are more than just free�they�re DELUXE! Off you go then. Good luck, and have fun!

So begins our next quest and the remainder of this update. Stamp Collecting. The actual gameplay of this quest is rather dull. However, its content more than makes up for it...

There are ten stamps �hidden� in the Amusement Park grounds. Some are drops that have now appeared in the world. Some are provided by NPCs that have willed themselves into existence to fulfill the cosmic duty of becoming sidequest components. None of them are particularly difficult to locate. It�s just a matter of going to the hotspot on the map and finding the clearly new bit of business in the area.

For instance, there�s now a drop at the feet of the golden bunny statue in the Amusement Park�s main square. We�ll just go ahead and nab that off the ground. The bunny has nothing to do with this... Right...

......

Does the bunny have anything to do with this...?

......

...No. The bunny has nothing to do with this. Just the stamp. Pod 042 has an important interjection as soon as we obtain it.

It is advisable to recover as many of these collectible items as possible. Proposal: Imprint the stamp upon the card.

You mean �stamp it�?

Pod 042 doesn�t seem to pick-up on 2B�s :what:

response. Or maybe it�s incapable of doing so. We really don�t know a lot about the Pod�s AI capabilities, now do we?

The next stamp is in the back alley leading to the rooftop approach into the forest heading towards the Machine Village (the one where we found the android corpse and the music box earlier.) Here we now find a pissed machine that is just silently raging and shaking its fists in the air.

YOU SHOULD DIE! ALL OF YOU SHOULD DIE! AND THIS GODDAMN STAMP SHOULD DIE TOO!

Thanks, Alex Jones machine. Please don�t attempt to rip your shirt off, despite your fury. It�s painted onto your body. You cannot remove it without tearing off your torso. Just throwing that out there.

On the main street approach to the Amusement Park castle, another new machine has appeared in a balcony. It�s assuming the same position as the Apologetic Machine from the Desert Zone. I bet it�s got a stamp too...

One stamp, comin� up! Oh yeah, I love stamps. Let�s do this thing!

<Slams a stamp>

It�s always good to be enthusiastic about your work. That�s four stamps down. We�re getting there...

Next up is dimly lit side street to the south that begins the approach towards the Party Tank and roller coaster detour we had to take to gain access to the Simone boss battle. Instead of taking the alleyway in that direction, we can instead take the stairs in the back of the street and discover yet another newly placed oddball clown machine.

Fine... I�ll stamp it with m-m-my tears! Waaaaaah!

<Sobs a stamp>

Whatever, my dude. As long as you don�t make the ink run. YoRHa dry-cleaning costs an arm and a leg. As you literally need to be broken down into component parts and reassembled in a new body. It�s a whole thing.

Retracing our steps towards the roller coaster, we took a right to reach the broken down whirligig ride area. But if we take a LEFT, we discover a couple more machines. One is crouched behind some crates. It has actually always been here. We just hadn�t talked to �em. Until now...

Don�t look at me! Don�t come closer!

...OK? No, there�s not anything more to that machine. It�s just extremely sketchy and taking the world�s longest break. As in it will be there breaking until the very end of the game. Far beyond any reasonable time a machine should still be taking a break. Breaking aside, the machine at the end of this alley is new. Let�s see if it possesses a stamp...

Here... Take it... Eh heh heh heh...

<Creepily slides a stamp over>

...Why is this stamp all moist? And how come it smells like paint thinner. You know what? I don�t wanna know. We�ve half way there. Let�s move on.

Stamp #6 has been discarded on the base of the broken down amusement ride. Nothing much more to say about that. After it�s picked up, we need to platform back over to the designated Party Tank lot.

The Party Tank is still going at it partying strong. It�s never too early to start partying. Especially when the earth has become tidally locked and it�s impossible to tell what time it is without mechanical aid. :v:

We�ll let the Party Tank do its thing and obtain the next stamp which has been left on the roller coaster platform. It�s worth mentioning that the roller coaster will return if we go further down the track. 2B and 9S can ride it again. This time it�ll make a complete pass around the entire park, instead of the androids jumping off towards the end. There�s nothing to be done there besides fighting the same enemies as the earlier ride. Looks neat though!

We�re almost there. On the bridge to the Amusement Part castle, another new machine has spawned. Cough up the stamp along with your weird personality trait, my dude.

A stamp? Sure! I�ll stamp whatever you want! Aaaaah ha ha ha!

Cool beans. Only two stamps left and they both seem to be located within the castle. The first is located back in the former boss arena of Simone. I�m going to link the relevant portion of the highlight video below. Maybe just click that and watch. It�s entirely the reason why this quest is really good...

Video: A Machine Lifeform Production

Music: ENDS

A machine runs onto the scene from the right...

A machine runs onto the stage from the left...

Another machine runs onto the stage from the right...

Yet another machine runs onto the stage from the left...

ANOTHER machine enters from the right...

Romeo 3 enters from the left...

Romeo 1-3 and Juliet 1-3�s eyes all light up red and they rush one another.

Music: Song of the Ancients ~ Atonement

<punching> I shall make thee regret the day of thy biiiirth!

<punching back> I shall make thee taste dirt!

<kicking> Diiieeeeee!

<roundhouse kicking> Destroy!

<getting roundhouse kicked> Owwwww! Aaaah!

<uppercutting> I�ll kill thee!

One of the Romeo machines is destroyed in the brawl.

Down goes a Juliet bot.

Another Romeo is scrapped.

Juliet 2 is retired. Only Romeo 3 and Juliet 3 remain.

In the end, Juliet 3 is the last machine standing in this tragedy. She takes center stage after Romeo 3 is annihilated.

Music: ENDS

......

<outstretches arms and rotates upper torso 360 degrees> I must join them anon!

A solitary Receptionist Machine dashes in front of the stage.

Please watch your step as you exit. If you�d like to have your card stamped, please come this way.

Oh... I love legitimate theater. That was a beautiful thing we just saw. We can go speak with the Receptionist to get our stamp and continue the quest. But there are other machine lifeforms in the audience today. Let�s get their take on the show first, eh?

Wait! It�s all starting to make sense now!!

I haven�t been this deeply moved by anything before! I�m going to go home and tell all my friends!

I mean that�s one interpretation. Now the machine lifeform production of Much Ado About Nothing is a far more intricate look into man�s inhumanity to man.

...This clown machine is naked. This theater really needs a stricter dress code to sort out the riff-raff.

Please don�t get off to dead machine lifeform girls while among the audience. There�s a bathroom past the rubble down the hall to the right. Make your way there, sir.

Plebian. You�re not even worth the discussion of the finer points of this artistic production. Anyway, let�s get back on track and speak with that Receptionist to receive our penultimate stamp.

One final stamp remains in the 10 stamp set. To the right of the main foyer of the castle, there is a short hallway with an elevator at is end. Unlike most previous elevators we�ve encountered thus far, this one is still operational.

To obtain the final stamp, we need to climb aboard this mysterious elevator and ride it to the castle�s basement.

Here we find a rather creepy, run down bunker of some sorts. And something far more sinister lies within. As we make our way down the corridor, we discover...

Stamp discovered inside enemy body. Proposal: Destroy the enemy and imprint the stamp upon the card.

Easy for you to say.

Plaaaay... with meeeeee...

Plaaaaay... Plaaaaaaay...

So... this is a bit different. There isn�t just the one enemy with the stamp. To say the least...

There�s actually an entire horde of like 20+ hostile clown machines in this basement coming from both directions. And they weren�t just advertising a LP in a creepy way before. There�s something severely wrong with these machines. They shamble forward like they�re in a trance. Indeed, these are Zombie Clown Machines. Whoops. We walked into a machine lifeform T-Virus outbreak!

Zombie Clown Machines are extremely slow but make up for it in sheer numbers. And also the fact that they�re all Level 20-23 sprung at the very end of this otherwise combat free, lighthearted scenario. It�s possible to get this quest when 2B is like Level 12-15 and be completely boned at this point. Zombie Clowns have a ridiculously huge pool of HP and damage resistance. Even with 2B at a competitive level of experience, a single zombie takes a good 20 seconds of concentrated punishment to go down and we�ve got 20 of �em to deal with at once in tight quarters.

Zombie clowns only attack with very slow swipes of their arms which can be easily Perfect Evaded and punished with a counter. Assuming there isn�t another of the near two dozen zombies swinging right behind it. They also vomit acidic fluids not unlike zombies from Metal Slug. Yeah, apparently those clown smiles aren�t painted on. They�re functional puke conduits. So that�s cool to know.

Just staying mobile and shoving 2B down the hall�s ends to get breathing room is the best bet of dealing with the zombie horde, along with generous use of Pod Programs. Laser, Mirage and Hammer all work really well on this tightly packed hall of zombified machines.

Even at Level 20, this was still a nearly five minute slog of grinding through giant walls of undead machine lifeform ranks.

So why the hell was this basement filled with a zombified horde of clown machines? How do machines even become zombies? I have absolutely no idea! They only ever appear here and it�s never mentioned or brought up again. Maybe that pack of clowns accidentally cracked open a sealed Umbrella Inc. lab behind a concession stand. Who knows! Let�s just claim our stamp and go.

Proposal: Return to the entrance and secure the promised �deluxe prize.�

Deluxe, huh?

Before we go, there is a bit more to the east in this basement. Like a huge machine mass grave. Perhaps that is where the zombie machines hailed from?

At the end of the corridor is a huge structure composed of stacked CRT monitors, boxy old television sets, VCR decks, TV antennas and other assorted electronics all wired together in an eerie display. We might come back to this monument to obsolete electronics at a later date. But for now, let�s head back to the park�s entrance and complete this sidequest.