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nine-gear crow posted:Where did you get that audio of me? I did not record this. It's just me, doing my world-famous nine gear crow impression. Been working on it since episode 2 of Dead Space 3!
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Apr 3, 2017 21:25
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Blind Sally posted:oh my god, i just noticed this: I have no clue what you're talking about 
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Apr 5, 2017 04:28
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Jobbo_Fett posted:mmmmMMMMMMMDASH RENDAR DASH! AAAA-AAAAHHHH! CANONIZE EVERY ONE OF US!
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Apr 11, 2017 17:35
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Mods please change the thread title to -.. .- ... .... .-. . -. -.. .- .-.
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Apr 14, 2017 04:30
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 THE HASH SLINGING SLASHER!! AAAAHHH
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Apr 14, 2017 18:40
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> LOOK NOTEPAD. THE REAL ONE, ON THE DESK.
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Apr 22, 2017 17:26
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> LOOK AT THE NOTEPAD, drat YOU.
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Apr 22, 2017 19:48
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Blind Sally posted:Gonna need to find something to cut it with, champ. >USE TEETH
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Apr 22, 2017 23:05
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N, I was just loving around man I don't know how to play videogames
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Apr 22, 2017 23:16
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I;m personsally excited for this lets paly of calzone shadow's fall.
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Apr 23, 2017 08:06
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 You are DASH RENDAR. You are currently hanging out in your room doing pretty much nothing of value while you wait for the next escapade by Blind Sally and Nine-Gear Crow to begin. You're pretty bored, and were looking for some entertainment on your computer until some jackasses came along and ruined that now didn't they. You've stood up from your computer chair with such ferocity that it's been totally upended. What a mess you've made. What will you do?
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May 5, 2017 08:43
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Pladdicus posted:>retrieve arms from poster  Already got 'em, chief. If there's one thing you can definitely say about Dash Rendar, it's that he is always ready for anything. Especially updating a let's play. OmegaCake posted:>lovingly ogle poster  "Hey there, Jake, how are you doing today?"  "Me? Oh, I'm doing just fine, thanks. Just admiring your rippling abs, chiseled jaw, and stunningly mediocre video game film adaption reviews."  "Oh, Jake. Sometimes I get lost in your eyes. Someday it'll be just you, me, and your completely un-spellable last name."  "Man, I wish I could be like that guy. He has everything a movie star slash prince could want. Wine... women... carpets this thi--" A sudden knock at your bedroom door brings you out of your thoughts.
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May 5, 2017 09:13
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FPzero posted:> Answer door, but do so by peeking your eyes around the door when you open it.  Ever vigilant, you creep up to your door and very cautiously activate the switch by rubbing your face all over it while mashing the interact button. Listen, it's a simpler time in the world of gaming I mean your life okay?  It turns out to be your mother. Your dear, sweet mother has retrieved the pizza you ordered. Apparently you didn't hear the doorbell because you were busy throwing poo poo around in your room like an animal. You thank her and disappear back into your hovel with box in tow. You are now the proud owner of one (1) pizza box with pizza included! I could represent this by just drawing an inventory but I'm really lazy so I won't bother! Now what?
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May 5, 2017 09:34
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Hazamuth posted:It would be best to sit down for a pizza but seeing how your chair is all messed up...  Good idea, pal. Let's chow down. I have no idea what the gently caress happened to this gif when I saved it. This is now a CGA 3-color adventure game.   A note lazily floats down into your waiting mouth. You pull it out of your gullet and wipe it off on your FLEXMETAL BLAST PADDING OR WHATEVER gently caress STAR WARS AND THEIR DUMB NAMES FOR THINGS, then give it a look-over.  The note reads, "Dear Dash Rendar, come to the Outrider in the next 30 mins if you want an rear end kicking and/or your pizza." Funny, the drawing for this panel implies there's a lot more writing than that but there's not! It's just lines drawn on the page that smell faintly of feces!
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May 5, 2017 10:16
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Tasteful Dickpic posted:>contact your robot buddy via codec and ask if there's something by the ship Ahh, good idea. Might be able to warn you about an ambush or something, possibly related to said rear end kicking. You decide to give him a call on your fancy wrist communicator.  "Leebo! You there, buddy? Need a sit-rep."  "Leebo!! Wake up, you lousy pile of scrap!!"  "PISS" Jobbo_Fett posted:>Consume the note and gain its powers An equally good idea! You dump the note in your mouth and swallow without even bothering to chew, because you're just that much of a hardened space badass.  YOU HAVE UNLOCKED A NEW ABILITY!! It's ink poisoning. Just ink poisoning. You've unlocked the power of being poisoned by ink. You probably should get a move on to your ship before you start vomiting everywhere!
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May 5, 2017 19:05
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Blind Sally posted:holy sith, don't do that! it smells of feces!! noooo! Amen to that!  You equip the Minesweeper CD's corpse and pose like a real cool dude.
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May 5, 2017 19:30
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 Well, really the only thing worth examining in your room is this closet. You haven't opened it in years so you actually don't remember what's in here. You throw it open...  ...and are promptly buried under like 55 unsold back-stock copies of the video game Max Payne 3. Boy, that game sure didn't sell as well as Rockstar expected in physical form! Talk about the price of overproduction. You pocket like 30 copies of the game just for safekeeping. There's also a coat hanger in your closet, so you take that too. You really ought to buy more than one outfit, you stinky space degenerate. With nothing else to really do here, you exit your room.  You enter the barren metal hallways of the Bunker. Space sure is cold this time of year, someone really should crank up the thermostat. It's practically draining all the color from the place! Your room, denoted by the fancy shag rug you insisted on buying, is at the bottom of the donut-shaped space station. To your left is the hangar that houses all of the various flight crafts. To the right is the command center as well as some of the other units' rooms. Where to? You promise you'll do your best Counter Strike impression on the way there. CJacobs fucked around with this message at 21:03 on May 5, 2017 |
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May 5, 2017 20:54
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 You decide to go left, crouch jumping and swinging your broken CD at nothing like an idiot the whole way.  As you prepare to take the elevator to the hangar, though, you notice that YoRHa unit 2B is blocking your path! Well, she's not really blocking your path, realistically you wouldn't even have to walk by her to get to the elevator. But she's here, and her sassy pose denotes that she's not just hanging out here because she's bored of her constant war with machine lifeforms! You vaguely consider tackling her but decide that probably is a bad idea as she weighs like 400 pounds and you would just break your jaw on her metal body. And The Dash can't break his jaw, it's very important to him! CJacobs fucked around with this message at 22:10 on May 5, 2017 |
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May 5, 2017 22:07
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Blind Sally posted:> mods, plz rename this thread "DasH: Automata"
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May 5, 2017 22:14
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Jobbo_Fett posted:>invite her to join your party, we need an item mule and healer while Dash gets all the offensive weapons and abilities  2B isn't really interested in joining your party, she's already paired up with another YoRHa unit. However, she does agree to pal around with you until you head off to wherever you're going. Mostly because you're going in the same direction anyway, kinda like two people standing on a moving walkway at an airport. Y'know, how sometimes that happens where you'd both rather go faster but neither of you want to actually walk so you just awkwardly stand there existing around each other until the walkway ends? Yeah, sorta like that. 2B joins your party! Sort of! You cannot control 2B because she is not the protagonist of this MS Paint Adventure™ but you can try to direct her around if you want. Who knows if she will listen. CJacobs fucked around with this message at 01:20 on May 6, 2017 |
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May 6, 2017 01:17
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Ramos posted:>Put those smooth Rendar brand moves on her. You consider that you, Dash Rendar, are 35 years old and still a virgin (Leebo doesn't count). Perhaps it would be best for you to at least try to woo someone of the opposite sex sometime this century, given that you'd rather not die completely alone. Only somewhat alone!  You then realize that you have absolutely no idea how to talk to women and instead just improvise. With gusto, you start weaving tales of your space-faring adventures, and how you totally saved the galaxy from evil sith lords that one time, honest, for real. It definitely had a far-reaching impact on the Star Wars canon I mean your life's canon. You can ask anyone and they'll tell you all about how Dash Rendar is a hero, baby! Anyone who knows about the Star Wars extended universe, you mean. Blind Sally posted:> tell 2B about that one time you totally harpoon and tow-cable'd three AT-ATs  In fact you elaborate highly on one such space-faring tale! 2B remains thoroughly unimpressed as you tell her about your pet AT-AT's, who you found wandering the streets of New York and took under your wing. You and your stereotypical schlubby best friend moved into a studio apartment to raise the three AT-AT's after you lassoed them in by tow cabling them till they fell over (wacky chase hijinx ensued in the meantime). Then some real funny situational comedy happened as you and your best pal trained up your AT-AT's to win a national talent show for money and acclaim, spurned on by your rivalry with a pompous dog owner who's way too serious, portrayed by Jake Gyllenhaal. Or something like that. biosterous posted:> give Max Payne 3 disc to 2B   "Here, I bought a bunch of these for like 1 dollar apiece at Wal Mart." You say, handing 2B one of your stockpile. Suddenly, your vision goes dim, and a very spookily narrated cutscene starts.  A very long time ago, there was an electric shaver... ...It cried out for its mother, but heard no answer... ...In another time, the clean-shaven man dove through the air in slow motion, firing two semi-automatic pistols... ...The electric shaver cried and cried, alone in the cabinet... ...Then, it was opened, and the bearded man became the bald one... ...And the shaver cried no more.... "What the hell was that?" You ask. 2B shrugs. Apparently that just happens sometimes. She doesn't question it. Ignatius M. Meen posted:>Go left to the hangar, we have to advance the plot Finally, someone thinking with their head instead of Dash Rendar's penis!  You enter the hangar. Famous ships from video games and general media line the walls, each of them ready for takeoff at any moment. You spot the Space Invaders ship, as well as the Crozier (what a piece of poo poo). Dash Rendar's Outrider sits on the far end of the hangar, only halfway on-screen so that I wouldn't have to draw all of it yet because that thing looks really stupid and hard to draw. However, it seems there's a shady looking character loitering in front of your ship! Their posture indicates that they are not happy to see you. CJacobs fucked around with this message at 09:12 on May 6, 2017 |
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May 6, 2017 09:07
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why do these updates keep ending up at the bottom of the page
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May 6, 2017 09:13
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FPzero posted:> Comment on the impeccable post timing  You (I) throw your (my) Wacom tablet that you (I) only use for making lovely MS Paint drawings on the ground in a huff. Consarn it, Nine-Gear Crow!!
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May 6, 2017 09:23
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Blind Sally posted:> queue up that Harden Fard country song from the Dead Space 3 OST and get ready for an rear end-kickin'! (That shadowy figure's--hopefully not yours!) Hell yeah! Time for some stringy violin slash guitar beatdown music! ...what do you mean that song's not on YouTube?? Crap!! Okay, this one will have to do. Yee haw! cant cook creole bream posted:>Throw 2B.  You discuss your desire to throw 2B at the enemy, using her heavy android weight as a counterbalance, so that she may strike first before they notice your presence and become hostile. She responds reasonably to this request with a hard to read frown.  2B picks you up and chucks you at them instead.  You sail through the air like a graceful discus. 2B really could've joined the olympics were it not for the whole machine war thing! She surely would've brought home the gold, you consider fondly as your skull impacts the ground.  Thankfully, your head is pretty much empty and very spongy so you just bounce off of the hard metal floor like a sock-'em bopper, careening into the shadowy figure and knocking them over. So hey, technically your plan was a success! Congrats! The figure is knocked into the light and you finally get a good hard look at who the person that wants to kick your rear end really is.    Why, it's your old Bunker-mate FOOD! You may or may not remember him from that other adventure he was a part of from a long time ago! He is rubbing his head, staggered by your bowling ball antics. If you're going to say something to try and possibly dissuade him from beating you up, you'd better say it now! CJacobs fucked around with this message at 23:27 on May 6, 2017 |
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May 6, 2017 23:23
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I'M GOING TO UPDATE THIS THREAD TONIGHT! TONIGHT WILL BE THE NIGHT OF IT BEING UPDATED! Be there or be square my fellow people-who-want-Dash-Rendar-to-kiss-all-the-boys 
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May 9, 2017 18:07
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Dr. Fetus posted:>Introduce him to 2B to quickly distract him from what just happened. As Isaac (ah gently caress calling him FOOD) gets to his feet, you notice that your stalwart companion of about 5 minutes has meandered to your side. She offers no apology for flinging you at the supposed enemy, but there's no time to think about that now as he is looking pretty steamed!  You exchange introductions between Isaac and 2B, somehow expecting that they wouldn't already know each other despite all three of you living on the Bunker. I dunno, maybe you three have just never passed each other in the hall before or something. Either way, you tell him everything you know about her: She has very little in the way of manners, is strong enough to throw a human like a frisbee, and is absolutely not into you in any way. Also a huge fan of Max Payne 3 as it turns out, which makes her the best person you've met so far on your journey of the, uh, two. Sorry, Dash Rendar's Mom.  Isaac is not amused. Blind Sally posted:> comment on what a piece of poo poo the Crozier is then insist that Norton was right, questioning FOOD as to why he didn't use his stasis packs.  You probably should not have done that. It seems it's a relatively sore subject, even though you have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. Ignatius M. Meen posted:>Actually try to be a normal person and apologize, hopefully before we get our rear end beat but definitely after if not  Isaac pushes forward, eyeballing you angrily. He shouts about how it's all your fault he's in this mess, how everything that's happened to him over the last several days was all your doing. He throws many accusations about things that happened before this adventure began, and so you have no clue what he means by any of it as if you have some form of plot-related amnesia or something. You don't, but if you did, that's about how you would be feeling right now. He is very angry about SOMETHING that happened between you two recently, you just don't know what he means.  Thankfully, for the benefit of you, the reader, 2B interjects. "I don't mean to be rude, but what the hell are either of you talking about?"  You stare onward with a blank, unreadable expression (because there's nothing to read) as Isaac folds his arms. "Oh, I'll tell you," he says. "I'll tell you all about how this jerk dragged me back into a life of violence and general anxiety."   You are now playing as Isaac. It's a few days prior. You are currently hanging out in your room doing pretty much nothing of value while you wait for the next escapade by Blind Sally and Nine-Gear Crow to begin. You're pretty bored, and were just eating some delicious pizza before deciding you were full for now. You have stood up from your round card table with such ferocity that... well, nothing flipped over or anything, you have some modicum of table manners after all. Either way, you have no idea of the storm that will soon be headed your way. I mean, you do, but Isaac doesn't. You'd best prepare for the worst. What will you do?
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May 10, 2017 05:49
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BOTTOM OF THE LAST PAGE AGAIN HUH
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May 10, 2017 05:59
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FPzero posted:> Examine workbench  Good idea. You turn around to face the other wall. There's not much here except for the mandatory air filtration vent which you have boarded up out of extreme paranoia, your tinkering bench where you try to figure out how exactly power nodes fit into your tools, and your highly valued poster of Jake Gyllenhaal doing his best James Dean impression. Also a rug that really ties the room together. On the workbench is your other prized possession.  You pick up the Plasma Cutter with righteous fury. As if by natural instinct, you hold it aloft, peering around like a real cool dude for anything that might require having a limb or 6 blasted from its sorry carcass. Your finger inches for the trigger as you prepare yourself for absolutely anything, jump scares included.  Your Plasma Cutter is out of ammo, however, so it's a useless gesture. Maybe there's some around the Bunker for you to pick up, who knows. Tasteful Dickpic posted:>use a Stasis pack. You never know when you might need it!  You are mildly disgruntled as you recall that you also don't have any stasis packs. In fact you haven't had any for a very long time, not since your long-time acquaintance Dash Rendar asked to borrow them all for some dumb space-faring adventure. Of course, he used 'borrow' in the sense that people utilize when they say they're going to 'borrow' your food, so you didn't really expect them back. It would be nice to rebuild your stock though. Hazamuth posted:>Pick up your non-euclidean chair for later use.  Alright, sure. You pick up the Non-Euclidean Chairdecahedron Of Perspective Defiance, an ancient Unitology artifact you discovered. Apparently they collected these things and then sacrificed them in some kind of Chair Convergence ritual in an attempt to summon the Uberchair and ascend all seating arrangements throughout the galaxy to a higher plane. gently caress you, Unitology. Also, your Plasma Cutter is back on the table because a certain somebody forgot to edit it out and doesn't give a drat worth a poo poo about doing so after the fact. Now what? CJacobs fucked around with this message at 00:30 on May 13, 2017 |
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May 13, 2017 00:14
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Ignatius M. Meen posted:>Pick up the unedited plasma cutter. You never know, maybe you'll find a friend who could use the extra one? You pick up the Quantum Anomaly Plasma Cutter. Now you have two of them and no ammo for either one!
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May 13, 2017 01:05
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Finally, the return of Daesh Rendar. I missed you my friend.
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May 13, 2017 13:01
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Materant posted:Bad news: Dash Rendar's voice actor passed away two days ago. What! Awww man. RIP John Cygan 
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May 16, 2017 08:19
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Thank goodness you posted an update to the actual LP because it means I can slack off on my ms paint adventure for a while longer! 
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May 21, 2017 19:44
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BMS posted:
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May 23, 2017 09:47
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Snow Patrol is back!! Hell god drat yeah!!
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May 27, 2017 18:20
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CJacobs is currently working on approximately 1,001 LPs but the adventures of dash rendar and his best buddy isaac clarke will continue very soon. Look forward to the radical shift as the story turns 18+ and becomes a grindhouse slasher film
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Jun 6, 2017 10:33
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Go Dash, Young Rendar
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Aug 28, 2017 00:47
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Godspeed You Dash Rendar
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Aug 28, 2017 00:47
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No
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Aug 28, 2017 07:43
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nine-gear crow posted:Good. https://i.imgur.com/yRDJyAz.gifv Blind Sally posted:> You are Dash Rendar >update let's plays in a fit of spontaneous free time and creative enthusiasm CJacobs fucked around with this message at 06:10 on Jan 21, 2019 |
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Jan 21, 2019 06:08
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| # ¿ May 16, 2024 10:34 |
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It's like a dream come true. 
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Mar 26, 2019 03:26
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