Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

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Twenty Four

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

what do you call a joke with no punchline

What do you call a zipline with no end?

# ¿ Apr 25, 2017 13:25

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 00:29

Twenty Four

Plebian Parasite posted:

i'm going to make every post in this thread its own thread

I am sorry for your loss, based on whatever bad jokes I made previously in this thread.

# ¿ Apr 30, 2017 19:12

Twenty Four

deep dish peat moss posted:

Grass Dad a thread about a kid with a Grass-Type dad

Grass Dad. Grass Dad is high as fuuuuck.

"Dad, can I borrow your mid life crisis Corvette? They are having illegal drag races down town."

"My dude, that sounds awesome!" *Laughs and throws you the keys*

# ¿ May 2, 2017 10:45

Twenty Four

A music video for that song "Its getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes" but the opposite.

"Its getting cold in here, so put on ALL your clothes." All of them.

Someone wearing a closet full of shirts and a couple of coats, just rolling around on the ground next to a lit fire place, trying to pull up a fifth pair of pants that they have no hope of zipping or buttoning up.

# ¿ May 8, 2017 18:23

Twenty Four

vanisher posted:

My basketball skills are unrivaled. It comes from diligent training and dedication to the sport on and off the court.

(Wife and I about to use the microwave at the same time, I begin flailing elbows and slam my bowl in the device)

(garbage bag full of rotten food and molding coffee grounds is tossed by wife into the garbage, out of nowhere I block the trash bag, causing the contents to scatter all over the ground)

lol!

Same but with baseball, whenever someone is in my way I start running and slide into them knocking them down, then stand up and wave my arms making the "Safe" motion in their face.

# ¿ May 18, 2017 11:59

Twenty Four

Whenever someone makes a small mistake in public, I point at them and yell "STEEERRIIIIIIIIIIIKE!" in their ear loud enough for everyone to hear. When they avoid making a bad decision, I just point to off to the side, which I am sure they appreciate.

# ¿ May 18, 2017 12:41

Twenty Four

Splatmaster posted:

...playing the claw machine for a chance at a stuffed animal plushie Vanisher crab

I want you to win SO BAD and see the results

# ¿ Jun 16, 2017 15:01

Twenty Four

Putty posted:

The Devil went down to Georgia but instead of fiddles they use recorders.

If the devil went down to Georgia, and south is down, does that make Georgia south of hell?

# ¿ Jun 24, 2017 13:03

Twenty Four

vanisher posted:

If you accidentally hit an animal with your car, but you're a vegan, it cancels out.

Likewise if you steal some money from a bank, but gave money to charity earlier, it cancels out.

If you hit too many animals with your car, you might as well just give up being vegan because you are so far in the negatives.

If you have never hit an animal with your car, you get to eat a vegan.

# ¿ Jun 25, 2017 13:27

Twenty Four

Splatmaster posted:

John McEnroe and Gordon Ramsey in a screaming match on the set of Iron Chef. The fight escalates into a violent tennis match using the secret ingredient

Gordon Ramsey and the Bar Rescue guy at each others establishments, just yelling back and forth at each other about how crap they are and throwing tantrums, completely disagreeing on every point made.

# ¿ Jul 6, 2017 19:58

Twenty Four

Putty posted:

*nervously blows on soup ordered by accident while trying to block out the angry food men*

"Normally I go there and it is pretty good. Sometimes the service is a little slow, and every once in a rare while they get my order wrong, but, it's okay."

"Today there were grown men screaming at each other and throwing things around like misbehaved children, which I think is... worse?"

# ¿ Jul 6, 2017 21:31

Twenty Four

The opposite of this thread that happens to me all the time:

"Threads that are good but you can't come up with a good joke for"

# ¿ Jul 17, 2017 14:05

Twenty Four

little munchkin posted:

my trick is to post a thread where the op is just an explanation of what the joke is. then you can just post a joke whenever you think of it

example: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3826136

Yeah but that thread was great and I managed to make a couple of okay jokes there, I think! But sometimes a thread is great and I'm like "dang, I've got nothing!"

So good jokes without their own thread are here, but good threads but I can't come up with a worthy joke, makes me wish I could do better! Or just go to bed.

# ¿ Jul 17, 2017 17:02

Twenty Four

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

BYOB: TRY HARD OR TAKE A NAP

BYOB 8.2: Post hard or nap trying!

(I think that works with that Die Hard movie title from a few years ago? I didn't see it and need a nap apparently.)

# ¿ Jul 17, 2017 18:07

Twenty Four

ghost emoji posted:

i replaced my dick w one of those lightning orbs they have at spencers

Shocking!

# ¿ Jul 18, 2017 05:02

Twenty Four

sebmojo posted:

romantic lines: I would contact an incurable disease or viral condition for you (my love)

Not too bad if you just have to talk to the disease I guess.

# ¿ Jul 18, 2017 07:40

Twenty Four

*Clicks the safety off my fully automatic butterfly gun and lets loose*

*A flurry of butterflies comes out the barrel, happily flying around in a big cloud all over the place*

# ¿ Jul 20, 2017 04:49

Twenty Four

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

an alternate timeline for the late 90s and early 2000s where instead of smaller and smaller gadgets being the hot trend its bigger and bigger stuff, all massive helmets with cell phones built in and towering monolithic computerboxes

*Walks around the living room now, with a wireless VR headset connected to a cell phone via bluetooth getting data from wifi, but then trips over the power cables that keep the batteries running for more then a minute and crashes into a drawer full of old flip phones, the last thing I see before I black out*

# ¿ Jul 26, 2017 15:31

Twenty Four

Splatmaster posted:

Battlebots but with sex toy attachments but everyone still has to maintain a high level of professionalism, regardless of how inane it gets (and it gets i n a n e)

I call my bot "The Vibrator"

"Is it because of the large purple vibrator strapped to the top?"

"No! It is named in honor of my father who recently passed away!"

"Did he, umm...?"

"What? No! He stress tested engine vibration as a career and was a respectable man and I am a professional! How dare you!"

# ¿ Jul 27, 2017 06:44

Twenty Four

Splatmaster posted:

A karaoke bar for mimes

# ¿ Jul 29, 2017 15:20

Twenty Four

A dog having a midlife crisis, chewing on a brand new expensive toy:

"Who really is a good boy? Am I a good boy?"

# ¿ Aug 2, 2017 20:31

Twenty Four

I am terrified. Nice!

# ¿ Aug 6, 2017 17:50

Twenty Four

A confusing home pregnancy test, that instead of giving a positive or negative, gives a school style letter grade.

"Honey, we got a 'C minus' on the pregnancy test, what does that even mean?"

# ¿ Aug 7, 2017 12:32

Twenty Four

ghost emoji posted:

"see me after class??"

"So what you are telling me is that if we stay late and do extra credit, we might raise our pregnancy test score to a solid 'B'?"

"Yes, but do we even want children? Like is an 'A' better then an 'F' or what?"

:iiam:

# ¿ Aug 10, 2017 12:13

Twenty Four

Splatmaster posted:

A jar of various denominations of coin with all the pennies removed is un-cented

I just.. I... ugh, lol!

# ¿ Aug 18, 2017 04:03

Twenty Four

Splatmaster posted:

I know, I know- to be fair, it was a joke I heard in a dream so I gave it a chance.

No no, it was on point! But you know it was worthy of both a groan and a laugh!

# ¿ Aug 18, 2017 17:12

Twenty Four

Splatmaster posted:

Thank you for your graugh!

# ¿ Aug 18, 2017 17:31

Twenty Four

AverySpecialfriend posted:

Most people are sad when babies die but I'm more impressed with their life speed run

lol

# ¿ Aug 31, 2017 03:53

Twenty Four

sebmojo posted:

edible cars

drivable food

# ¿ Sep 1, 2017 12:31

Twenty Four

sebmojo posted:

edible cars

Twenty Four posted:

drivable food

I went to the service station the other day to get an oil change and tire rotation. The mechanic pulled the drain plug out of my oil pan and just started chugging the oil as it came out like he was at a frat party. The oil was everywhere!

I gave my truck the once over before I left and apparently they replaced my lug nuts with meatballs? They call themselves professionals? 0/5 Stars.

# ¿ Sep 1, 2017 12:55

Twenty Four

Jedrick posted:

I just noticed that the word "semen" sounds an awful lot like the words "see/sea men". Perhaps there are some chuckles to be had here?

The ocean is salty because of huge whale jizz loads in the water. Sperm whales.

# ¿ Sep 3, 2017 13:25

Twenty Four

Elephant? More like EleCAN"T!

# ¿ Sep 9, 2017 11:44

Twenty Four

Shotgunning beers? Weak. At my parties we slingshot them. Fill up water balloons with beer and use those giant elastic water balloon launchers to fire beer balloons directly into your mouth.

# ¿ Sep 9, 2017 12:13

Twenty Four

little munchkin posted:

they say "dress for the job you want, not the job you have" so why did my boss get upset when i showed up to work in a stripper cop outfit?

Dressing buisiness casual to my job as a clown at the circus is how I got fired.

# ¿ Sep 14, 2017 18:20

Twenty Four

DavidAlltheTime posted:

Razorblades on the flagpole outside a castle.

or this, somehow:

Mama mia!!

This was even better when I wasn't scrolled down far enough to see the man's torso and it was just a head on a turtle. That direct forward stare makes it almost look like it could be a fake head on a turtle float in a mardi gras parade or something.

# ¿ Sep 15, 2017 02:19

Twenty Four

Starman Super DX posted:

guy Fieri except he swears and uses vulgarities a lot.

"HOLY poo poo THIS IS MONEY RIGHT HERE YOU loving GANGSTER. IT'S SERIOUSLY LIKE YOUR FOOD DICK IS ROCKING THE poo poo OUT OF MY MOUTH PUSSY! BALLIN!"

I feel like there's thread potential there

he couldn't even cook the eggs right

# ¿ Sep 19, 2017 08:24

Twenty Four

Starman Super DX posted:

who cares how crappy he is at cooking he dresses and acts like he's constantly stuck in a time warp from 2005 and shouts outdated slang about how good food is. it's hilarious

A bunch of people from SA cared, back in the day.

http://www.somethingawful.com/search/?q=smash+mouth&t=0&c=0&a=0&y=0&p=1

smash mouth eat the eggs

it was funny, then kinda not, then more funny, then meh as guy fieri was bad at cooking eggs. but mostly funny!

# ¿ Sep 19, 2017 18:55

Twenty Four

Guy Fieri:

Wear the business casual

# ¿ Sep 19, 2017 19:07

Twenty Four

who or what is there?

# ¿ Sep 23, 2017 13:05

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 00:29

Twenty Four

Lizard Wizard posted:

i'm thinking this could maybe be expanded to cover various lovely versions of harry potter things, perhaps using a low-cost unaccredited magic college (ie lovely hogwarts) as a springboard

To be fair, a school where like half the teachers want to murder the students is already pretty lovely when you think about it.

Sure there wasn't any cool magic involved at the schools I went to, and I had some bad teachers, but as far as I know none of them were actively plotting to kill me.

# ¿ Sep 26, 2017 11:11

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

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