Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

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Twenty Four

A dog that somehow walks around on the ceiling and is an actual "updog".

# ¿ Sep 29, 2017 10:40

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# ¿ May 11, 2024 12:43

Twenty Four

alnilam posted:

an actual henway that is a road along which thousands of hens run

wow lol

# ¿ Sep 30, 2017 15:51

Twenty Four

Splatmaster posted:

A movie where a team of Special OPs people break into CERN, reverse the polarity of it and use it to shift us back into our REAL timeline.

What would it be called?

CERNinators 2: Timeline day. (Every day is timeline day.)

# ¿ Oct 10, 2017 10:16

Twenty Four

Splatmaster posted:

A movie where a team of Special OPs people break into CERN, reverse the polarity of it and use it to shift us back into our REAL timeline.

What would it be called?

A forum where Special OPs make chill threads and post jokes.

What would it be called?

# ¿ Oct 10, 2017 10:17

Twenty Four

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

didn't a goon just buy the set from a 1970s gameshow

Do you know the thread URL? Sounds like it would make for some cool pictures and an at least somewhat interesting story.

Like how do you come across that? And what do you do with it? The answers are probably "bought it at an auction" and "put it in my garage" but hey who knows?

# ¿ Oct 11, 2017 07:41

Twenty Four

Rodney Cloverfield

# ¿ Oct 18, 2017 10:09

Twenty Four

Tactical tactical manuals. Once you are done reading it, you are ready to use it as a weapon.

# ¿ Oct 22, 2017 01:00

Twenty Four

Tactical scope scope. A scope designed for looking at other scopes.

# ¿ Oct 22, 2017 12:05

Twenty Four

Starman Super DX posted:

lovely Friend Man

Super powers include coming to your house, asking for a beer, and then only drinking half.

This happened with two of my friends twice last week. As in, I asked them if they wanted another beer, they both said yes, opened said beers, and only drank half of them.

But they had never finished the first beers either, so they both left with two half drank beers each. Why would you do this?

Also it is well known I keep a full bar with all the main types of alcohol plus a variety of mixers at my place so if you wanted something else, thats not a problem!

Or a water or soda or something? I don't get it.

# ¿ Oct 25, 2017 00:15

Twenty Four

canyoneer posted:

a fantasy sports league for a kids soccer team where you score points based on how much fun the player had and good sportsmanship displayed in that week's game

the obsessive parents are screaming at the coaches and refs to give their kid more opportunities to display good sportsmanship

*coach* "Sit down Susan. No, you did not have enough fun. Stay on the bench!"

# ¿ Oct 27, 2017 17:27

Twenty Four

vanisher posted:

things your dog would say to you that they think are flattering but only reference positive traits they see in other dogs:

"Dude, you can really catch those balls with your mouth"

Somewhat related: maybe dog puke is delicious but no human has ever tried it? I mean, they always eat it as fast as they can?

# ¿ Oct 31, 2017 12:47

Twenty Four

Manifisto posted:

adult trick or treating: they withhold a portion of your candy bar or whatever for payroll taxes

lol

# ¿ Nov 1, 2017 14:15

Twenty Four

Coach: "There's nothing in the rule book that says a dog can't play basketball!"

Ref: "Actually yeah we put that rule in after that movie."

Coach, flustered: "Well, there's nothing in the rule book that says humans can play basketball!" *Crosses arms, smug look on face*

*Ref, thumbing through the book for a few minutes, and sighs*

"Welp looks like he is right, there's nothing in the book that says people can play basketball. Pack it up, basketball is over forever, thanks for playing and watching everyone."

# ¿ Nov 8, 2017 01:26

Twenty Four

So the horse man walks into a bar...

# ¿ Nov 10, 2017 06:15

Twenty Four

vanisher posted:

Michael Bay in his car after a fender bender

"This just won't do at all"

Pushes gas, driving into oncoming traffic

lol

# ¿ Nov 11, 2017 00:58

Twenty Four

AverySpecialfriend posted:

craigslist missed connection:

you had the most beautiful headlights i ever saw at the texas roadhouse

You: Throwing peanut shells on the floor but really more at my table, getting the whole staff to stop doing their job and come sing for your fake birthday.

Me: Just chillin eating a steak. Wait why did I post this ad?

# ¿ Nov 11, 2017 11:24

Twenty Four

How that one group leaves bibles in the drawers of hotel rooms, but printed out dick pics. Maybe even hidden in the bibles.

# ¿ Nov 12, 2017 11:14

Twenty Four

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

a selfie of me thinking about math i could do in high school but can't do now

DavidAlltheTime posted:

A portrait studio where they give really niche directions to people getting their pictures taken:

"Now, give me a 'I'm in the mood for a salad' expression"
"That's it, that's it, just give me a little more 'swingset'"
"So now you're Jesus, but it's your mom's birthday, and you didn't forget a card, but you wrote a typo in it. Show me that!"

lol

# ¿ Nov 14, 2017 07:09

Twenty Four

"You're gassy. Reeeeaaaaaaaal gassy!" *click*

# ¿ Nov 14, 2017 07:24

Twenty Four

Hugh Malone posted:

The deal with airline food is that it cannot weigh too much or take too long to prepare, and is therefore markedly different from what one might prepare at home

-opposite day jerry

lol

# ¿ Nov 26, 2017 12:24

Twenty Four

HunkPunk: its like a hot misfit boyband just rocking it out punk style

# ¿ Nov 27, 2017 23:06

Twenty Four

An Emergency Response Team animal unit but the animals are cats in police animal uniforms. Not like cartoon talking cats or anything just regular untrained cats with those service animal vests on.

They have the K-9 units that can sniff for bombs and stuff but no these are just cats that give zero shits about the people they are supposed to be saving and go get stuck in trees or something. Then they have to call the fire department to come get them down or whatever instead of sending the fire department to help the people in the first place.

# ¿ Nov 29, 2017 02:54

Twenty Four

Phyzzle posted:

This is a positive piss test for marijuana in post form.

And I don't even, so I take this as some sort of byob posting medal of honor.

# ¿ Dec 4, 2017 14:33

Twenty Four

Kthulhu5000 posted:

the self-help maxims of a man reared through his childhood by a St. Bernard dog nanny, in the vein of those "Everything I Needed To Know I Learned..." books.

St. Bernard bringing a barrel shaped bottle of milk around it's neck.

# ¿ Dec 5, 2017 17:36

Twenty Four

albany academy posted:

Opening up the hood to find out your engine is just a team of sled dogs. They lick your face and bowl you over for pets, but all you can think about is that bastard mechanic who's been lying to you this whole time.

*Notices the temp gauge is running hot and the fuel gauge is running low, pulls over with a few bowls of food and water*

# ¿ Dec 6, 2017 14:52

Twenty Four

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Lying on my deathbed surrounded by friends and children, "You dumb idiots."

"Jimmy come closer." *Turns head, coughs, turns back, and whispers in Jimmy's ear* "You were always my least favorite son."

# ¿ Dec 8, 2017 07:30

Twenty Four

depends on how fast the broccoli is, probably bad for you if it is fast enough and you get hit with it

# ¿ Dec 10, 2017 12:37

Twenty Four

"I'm so tired of these stupid unfunny Garfield cartoons! Maybe it's not Jon's fault, maybe it's the cat. Ah look here's one with a dog instead!" *Starts reading Fred Basset* "Dammit!!!"

# ¿ Dec 19, 2017 23:16

Twenty Four

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

Who's the lucky boy worth all the grizzlies?"

Post was great but this was the highlight for me lol

# ¿ Dec 22, 2017 11:02

Twenty Four

FactsAreUseless posted:

The rest of the BK Kids Club beating "Wheels" into the gang.

cda posted:

Bick Spurlington ran towards the Teleporter. But first, he stopped at the replicator and made a ham. Then he ate the ham. It was salty and delicious. Red lights flashed all around him as a mechanical female voice intoned "Hull Breach Imminent. Hull Breach Imminent." There was no time to lose. He replicated Honey-Poached Pears with Hazelnut Butter and a Buttermilk Ice Cream. The exquisite mouthfeel of the warm pears melting into the chill ice cream reminded him of his childhood on the planet F'run G'farr. There were only seconds left before the starship's exterior lost its integrity. Wasting no time, he waddled in a satisfied manner towards the Teleporter and punched in the coordinates for the nearest McDonalds.

lol

# ¿ Jan 4, 2018 14:53

Twenty Four

alnilam posted:

I also enjoy all the posts

I enjoy my friends enjoying things!

# ¿ Jan 11, 2018 14:52

Twenty Four

alnilam posted:

ACK

# ¿ Jan 17, 2018 14:19

Twenty Four

"Jokes that are not good and do not deserve their own thread, not to mention a real spot in an actual paper" - Garfield the comic

# ¿ Jan 19, 2018 02:52

Twenty Four

Garfield has lasagna on a monday and the universe implodes via paradox

# ¿ Jan 19, 2018 02:53

Twenty Four

hat bear

# ¿ Jan 23, 2018 07:44

Twenty Four

Nevvy Z posted:

A crypto currency that's generated when me or my friend win a video game or jeapordy.

Dang time someone came up with "points"

# ¿ Jan 27, 2018 16:27

Twenty Four

Jolo posted:

edit: jokes that are actually just weird thoughts that you're thinking about this morning and you shouldn't develop a thread for

This is a good number of my posts, and an even greater number of my day to day jokes in person.

# ¿ Jan 31, 2018 05:35

Twenty Four

mysterious frankie posted:

bored kid in a high fantasy world, sitting in class, doodling a picture of a businessman totally crushing his presentation to the board on the back of a notebook.

# ¿ Jan 31, 2018 07:03

Twenty Four

alnilam posted:

wow on point lol

# ¿ Jan 31, 2018 15:05

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# ¿ May 11, 2024 12:43

Twenty Four

Nevvy Z posted:

Boo. Boooooooooooooooooo.

I'm cheering you in ghost.

lol

# ¿ Feb 3, 2018 11:58

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

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