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Hear the one about the watchmaker who only repairs Movado? The pay is good but the hours are messed up. |
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May 7, 2020 00:30
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| # ¿ Apr 28, 2024 08:40 |
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This is the thread of kings. One day, mods willing, this thread will belong to you. Tonight we must do something extraordinary. We must break the magic of the internet trolls, which threatens our power and our sanity. We must post and bait in such a frenzy that none can resist. For believe me if even one of their ilk remains unbanned, the time will come when they will rise up and destroy us. Put yourself in the hands of the IKs; do their bidding. And for a certainty they will grant you this thread, and a posting kingdom. |
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May 7, 2020 04:46
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Yinlock posted:a good christian PUA who's intimacy goals are extremely tame This but even more manipulative and misogynist. "When you succeed in having her make constant physical contact and laugh at jokes that aren't funny, invite her to 'Netflix and Chill'. Bitches love sex with a man they think is high status. Once at her place or yours you can just hold her hand and watch a funny movie. Best part is she'll think she did something wrong and her friends will be intrigued. Next weekend they'll be fighting to get in your pants and you'll have all the first base you can handle in time for church Sunday morning." |
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Jun 9, 2020 18:48
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It's like in Game of Thrones where the nobility greet each other "my lord" except it's the real world and "hey [c-word]" or a solemn "my [n-word]" starts off as a joke but then get turned into a really formal greeting long past the original offensive context is forgotten. Like two space warlords or space Harvard professors tip their visors and spout off some real problematic poo poo as a polite greeting. |
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Jun 19, 2020 06:57
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 Drug Cops. Not like the DEA. Like cops that police "rules of the game". That'll be a $150 fine for snitching mamm. Yes I know mamm I don't make the rules I just serve and protect mamm. Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 22:15 on Jun 19, 2020 |
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Jun 19, 2020 22:12
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Your easily-amused friend who doesn't get upset too easily. "Yeah hey man what's up? Oh me.. I'm just having some Popeye's. No, not the sandwich lol. That would be nice actually. No all they had left was one super-spicy wing order. A little too hot for me actually haha. Yeah burns quite a bit. I think they guy making them must be new. But they're still good. Anyways this weekend I have to go into the office. Actually you know what maybe you want my tickets to the game Saturday. They sent them to me for the wrong dates and the customer service line is always busy when I call so it might just be easier to toss them along to someone who can attend." Not so much a joke as a person you know. |
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Jun 21, 2020 23:24
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I'm working on a series of leagues that turn regular sports into blood sports. Like baseball but with billiard balls. Or scythed Nascar racing. |
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Jan 6, 2021 16:39
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The legend of the Man With No Butt. Main character's name and general demeanour reference The Man With No Name but it's an anime series. And every time he fights someone the villain is incredulous like "How can you hope to defeat me with no rear end, gunslinger?" Every time since the writing is very poor and reuses lines. |
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Jan 7, 2021 16:38
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So I feel like we need to make something like this for BYOB: Maybe with caricatures of ourselves as the people and our avatars on our shields. Only stumbling block is making people feel bad for not being the Imperator. |
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Jan 17, 2021 21:27
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This isn't a joke but I don't know where else to put this. Recently came across this imagine while very hungry:  And now... all I do is crave a sausage in just such a pretzel bun. I think from now on any time I eat a sausage, no matter how delicious, I will always think upon that imagine and how my lot is inferior. |
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Feb 16, 2021 20:55
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The Bear-ne Supremacy - A cute bear must race to find those that framed him for stealing picnic baskets before the park rangers can track him down. The Bjorn Supremacy - A cute viking must race to find those that framed him for peacefully farming before the jarl's huskarls can track him down. |
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Feb 21, 2021 19:26
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Adult shoes, never worn. $800. They're Air Yeezies. |
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Feb 23, 2021 15:08
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For sale: baby gold chain, worn by a baller. |
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Feb 24, 2021 11:50
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Slut shaming flowers for being pollinated by just any old bee. |
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Feb 25, 2021 13:34
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Billboards and bus stop advertising are banned so corporations send out dogs and cuddly sheep with adverts spraypainted on them out into the city streets. |
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Dec 3, 2021 02:28
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The Hamburgler true-crime podcast series. |
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Dec 3, 2021 02:31
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Prof. Crocodile posted:if you could get maybe 3 episodes out of this idea, it could easily go viral. Even though I'd be providing advertisement for McDonald's I am not in the headspace for ignoring cease and desist letters from corporate lawyers. Already ducking creditors. |
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Dec 3, 2021 02:43
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Jestery posted:A short film about a kid identifying as an attack helicopter / any of the 30 Genders(/ sarc) https://youtu.be/dzRxbqvGXzw This is the only take on self-identification I vibes with. |
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Dec 3, 2021 15:49
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A clueless detective kind of like Columbo except he really doesn't know what he's doing and the reader of the stories is left wanting to throw a brick at something when he never puts two and two together. |
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Dec 3, 2021 22:19
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Two Budhist monks arrive at the monastery in a luxury SUV and immediately make a scene yelling at each other loudly while people eating hamburgers at the place next door look on bewildered. Oops this is not a joke I've made up but a story about what I've seen in person. |
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Dec 3, 2021 22:20
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The greeter checking for membership cards as you enter Costco but he's treating it like an actual bouncing gig. Bluetooth headset. Black shirt, pants, and shoes. Clipboard with a single sheet that has the image of a valid card printed out. On his break he wanders over to the sample station "I saw that guy come back for seconds do you want him out of here?" |
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Dec 4, 2021 00:28
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deep dish peat moss posted:a soda jerk bullying young Dr. Pepper He gets his revenge in the look on Mr. Pibb's face on learning it'll be Dr. Pepper performing his ice removal and going to play golf with Rockstar afterwards. |
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Dec 6, 2021 19:02
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Cutting out gloryholes in places you might not expect gloryholes. Like at the bookstore during an author meet. Or an Anarctic research station. |
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Dec 6, 2021 20:18
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They dug too greedily and too deep. In their quest for D they awakened something long forgotten. The Ballrog. |
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Dec 6, 2021 20:41
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My Little Polar Bear A young girl in a small northern town "adopts" an actual polar bear. While she goes on magical adventures in her mind using the power of imagination the bear straight up eats people and nobody does anything to stop it since they don't want to hurt the little girl's feelings plus it's basically a tank that can easily outrun them so they go about their business resigned to the fact they might become bear chow. |
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Dec 8, 2021 04:08
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Seinfeld as a manga comic. 'Her eyes didn't go he when she saw my *you know* Jerry. No huge eyes. How can I be with this woman who has normal sized eyes?' |
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Dec 8, 2021 04:13
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A cryptozoology-like show where a group of people extend inordinate amounts of effort trying to prove a perfectly ordinary animal lives juuust outside the accepted range of habitation. "I've seen the Red Chested Thrush right here in North Pikeroad Forest. They say it wasn't possible. Must have been some other bird or even a baby wild turkey. No. I know what I saw. Now on weekends I go out with my camera and wait for the chance to show them all." Tons of websites involved. *magazine admits that the "shocking" evidence was actually photographed in nearby South Pikeroad Forest where there are tons of the birds around* |
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Dec 15, 2021 02:23
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Prof. Crocodile posted:Netflix presents: Narcos, starring Larry David |
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Dec 24, 2021 03:10
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Real Monster-Wives of the NBA Wife is Mothra, so what |
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Dec 24, 2021 03:12
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BYOB Tall Tales Court Your honour the poster 'nut' once protected me from an attack by ninja asassins and caught all the throwing stars in the air with his bare hands. It was pretty cool I guess but I've been having nightmares since and as I can't identify any of the others involved (ninjas wore masks) I am seeing nut bu default for pain and suffering. |
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Dec 27, 2021 10:37
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Urban legends that Gen Z parents will use to scare their Gen B kids into behaving: A vampire that steals your YouTube subscribers. A very tall man. Rather slim and svelte. A Krampus-like entity that puts links to cringe videos mom and dad took on your GDrive if you make the naughty list. |
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Dec 28, 2021 12:22
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It's Whiplash except your 'YOB posting coach is screaming at you to emptyquote everything faster as your hand is bleeding from the mouse clicks. |
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Jan 2, 2022 01:03
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Staying away from alcohol so I just bring my own bear with me to house parties. It satisfies the requirnments and my little pal can knock back any offered beverages.
Bright Bart fucked around with this message at 11:53 on Jan 3, 2022 |
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Jan 3, 2022 09:19
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Prurient Squid posted:BeingMyOwnBear is the most confusing Grindr username. It gives away what you offer if not what you're looking for. |
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Jan 3, 2022 11:54
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Prurient Squid posted:Unexpected variants on "Leader of the Free World". Like "Prostate Examiner of the Free World". "The Free World's Bitch" |
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Jan 4, 2022 09:47
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Rube Goldberg Sherlock Holmes that arrives at the correct suspect, method, and motive through a convoluted series of deductions using incorrect, irrelevant, wildly guessed, and sometimes downright ignorant premises. |
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Jan 9, 2022 20:23
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Rappers going in hard on having or wanting that which is not normally considered a status symbol in hip hop: Their longing for a big tiddy goth gf or brags about their season passes to various amusement parks. Everyone gets court side seats to the Lakers. Anyone else skip the lines at Disney World? |
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Jan 9, 2022 23:01
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New names for dogs that are in the vein of 'King' and 'Sargeant' and 'Senator' but less pretentious. 'Comptroller' "Teamlead' 'Corporal' 'Envoy' 'Baronet' |
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Jan 11, 2022 01:34
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A 4 panel cartoon where someone is walking past a computer someone just now left and doing a double-take upon reading the Google Search that's on the screen. Something like: 'Is Sonic the Hedgehog slavic?' |
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Feb 22, 2022 22:32
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| # ¿ Apr 28, 2024 08:40 |
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Prurient Squid posted:Peter Venkman suggests that they stop the Stay Pufft Marshmallow Man by "getting him laid". The last part of the film is just the Ghostbusters putting that plan into action. It's very graphic. Oddly the film finishes much the same way as in the original cut. |
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Mar 25, 2022 13:40
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