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Hello BYOB, and welcome to the TALENT SHOW PORTION of the Mx. BYOB Competition, where we will crown Mx. BYOB. Before we get started, let me introduce the judges: First up:  You know her, you love her, you're slightly scared of her but you're not sure why: it's BYOB's very own Moderator, FluffieDuckie. Second:  If you could Post Your Favorite Moderator, who would it be? Perhaps a poster who knows the two mightiest subjects on the internet: pets and memes? It's PI and PYF's LITERALLY A BIRD! Third:  A nameless wanderer in the wilds of the web. A masterless poster with a thousand disguises. They are THE SECRET JUDGE, and they could be anyone.... Finally:  I get to judge because I started the pageant. I might barge into your dressing room unannounced: do not be alarmed. It is because I never learned how to dress myself and I'm trying to learn. |
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Apr 30, 2017 18:44
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 02:31 |
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 RULES FOR THE TALENT PORTION: Contestants please read so that you will not be disqualified. Contestants may make a single post in this thread containing evidence of their talent, which may be in video, audio, visual, or written form, depending on the talent. This post may, but does not need to, contain an introduction about your talent explaining how you learned it, why you think it's interesting, or anything else you think the audience needs to know. Contestants may make one post responding to every other contestant's talent but in keeping with both BYOB and pageant traditions, this response may only be positive and encouraging. Contestants have until Midnight, Eastern Time, Cinco de Mayo to post their talents, in any order. Anyone who needs an extension for a good reason, PM me. Other than the posts specified above, Contestants should make NO OTHER POSTS in this thread. Judges will respond to each talent with a score from 1-10 and any comments they wish to make on the talent. Judges, if you want to wait to score talents so you can compare them, that's fine. If you want to judge a few at a time, that's fine. If you want to judge them separately, that's fine. You're the judge. You do you. The SECRET JUDGE will be PMing me their score and comments so that I can keep them SECRET. Everyone else can post as many times as they want, but please try to stick to the topic of this thread at least a little bit. The contestants are: 1.City of Glompton 2. vanisher 3. alnilam 4. posting smiling 5. MrWillsauce 6. Manifisto 7. pig slut lisa 8. fanky maloons 9. farg 10. ethical hamjobs 11. Hogge Wild 12. hockey jockey 13. Android Blues 14. King of the Beach 15. They Might Be 16. N. Senada 17. HotSoapyBeard 18. lmbo calrissian cda fucked around with this message at 02:02 on May 4, 2017 ---------------- |
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Apr 30, 2017 18:54
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vanisher posted:I'm very excited I realized I didn't make the rules clear so I went back and clarified them. The only posts contestants should make in this thread are their talents, plus up to one positive response per other talent! Since the rules weren't clear you got away with it, so if getting away with it is your talent, then you're doing really well. 
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Apr 30, 2017 19:08
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Eugene V. Dabs posted:oh hi so. i'm bad at participation and just noticed this so participation is definitely not my talent hahah! paging bo-pepper ---------------- |
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May 2, 2017 17:07
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Fanky Malloons posted:Edit: IDK If was supposed to sign up beforehand somehow?? I just got real excited to post, so here we are, sorry if I'm doing things wrong cda!! You were, but I don't care if you sign up now. Do you want to be in the pageant? We still have swimsuit, evening wear, and questions to go. ---------------- |
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May 3, 2017 22:14
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 Reminder that you have until TONIGHT AT MIDNIGHT EST to post your talent Remember -- any score is better than no score, so if you don't have a talent, just do something untalented. Once upon a time a guy called Rich Kyanka did exactly that, and look at him now: owner of the world's most exclusive web forums. The following participants have posted a talent: 1.munchables - filmmaking 2. vanisher - gifmaking 3. alnilam - music 4. posting smiling - av/gifmaking 5. MrWillsauce - grilledcheesemaking 7. pig slut lisa - music 8. fanky maloons - art 10. eugene v. dabs - weaving 12. hockey jockey - crochet 15. They Might Be - music 16. N. Senada - music 17. HotSoapyBeard - boat captaining The following participants have yet to post their talent: 6. Manifisto 9. farg 11. Hogge Wild 13. Android Blues 14. King of the Beach 18. lmbo calrissian If I missed anyone, let me know. cda fucked around with this message at 16:02 on May 5, 2017 ---------------- |
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May 5, 2017 13:34
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They Might Be posted:Apparently what I thought was my entry doesn't count. I'd be more than happy to submit a digest of the beer idea I let byob vote on / name, then created/brewed/sold kits of in a store. It's much less embarrassing than my karaoke, so let me know! Oh drat, it totally counts, I'm sorry! I just got mixed up with how many music entries there were. You're good. ---------------- |
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May 5, 2017 16:01
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hockey jockey nails the first entry in the talent contest with an entry that displays both craftmanship and a big heart. I particularly liked all the crocheted foods, and Goldilocks is adorable. I gotta say this also speaks to me as a teacher; I've made a large collection of Shakespearean-character sock puppets to teach Shakespeare plays over the years for when we do in-class readings. The fact that these are being done to help out little kids who are working with English as a second language is also a huge plus. My Score: 10/10 ---------------- |
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May 6, 2017 13:37
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MrWillsauce's entry showcases a mix of comfort and controversy. Nothing could be more BYOB than making a grilled cheese sandwich and the presentation is, in this judge's opinion, extremely chill. I appreciate the talent it took to make a grilled cheese with only one hand while filming with the other hand, and also Willsauce's ability to keep the patter going. I would listen to the audio of this video just to relax. At the same time, grilled cheese is a controversial subject and I have to say that, for this judge, Willsauce fucks it up majorly. First: low heat? What the hell is that about? If you butter the bread properly you don't have to worry. Which brings me to second: you didn't butter the bread? You just butter the pan? Dude. You got to butter the bread. And while we're at it. Three: what in the world kind of bread is that? Sourdough? Some sort of janky white? For this traditionalist, you go Wonderbread or else you go home. If you're going to get fancy get loving fancy, not this weak rear end Publix bullshit. Four: cheddar? Cheddar? Nuff said. Finally, in case you haven't watched the video, here's what the grilled cheeses look like when they're supposedly ready to eat:  No sir. No thank you. If the talent is making instructional videos, I think Willsauce has a future. But I'm not letting him anywhere the gently caress near my bread and cheese until he gets reeducated. My score: 8.9/10 cda fucked around with this message at 14:01 on May 6, 2017 ---------------- |
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May 6, 2017 13:49
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They Might Be gives us our first music entry. At first for a moment I thought he played the instruments too, but it's just the singing. First, I want to say that taste is an underappreciated part of talent, and TMB picked a really great song here, a kinda deep cut in the S&G catalog. I also like the ambition: setting yourself up against two of the all-time great singers of folk is a ballsy move. I think TMB has a really appealing voice and pulls it off. It's not professionally polished in any way and it's not always exactly in tune especially on those high notes, but it is not hard to listen to. My score: 9.3/10 cda fucked around with this message at 14:01 on May 6, 2017 ---------------- |
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May 6, 2017 13:55
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Like Willsauce, vanisher decided to go with a traditional BYOB talent: gifmaking. When you're going traditional, what matters is nailing the details, which is where Willsauce had some challenges. Here, I think vanisher hits all their marks. The animation is smooth, the images are well-composed, there's a nice lil visual joke in there with the SECRET JUDGE being called "NOT LOWTAX," and the modesty at the end is both very BYOB and extremely sneaky. The SECRET JUDGE image at the beginning looks like he wasn't cropped properly though and I'm not quite sure why Fluffie is lit from the back but the other three aren't. Those are minor quibbles, but like I said, when you're doing traditional arts, every detail matters. My Score: 9.7/10 ---------------- |
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May 6, 2017 14:01
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Our second musical entry is a threefer: guitar-playing, singing, and songwriting. The quality of the recordings isn't very good, which I'm not holding against the contestant, but it does make it a little more difficult to judge the first entry because the vocals are low in the mix so I think I missed some stuff. I really like the idea of making songs based off of Craigslist ads; I think there's a whole album concept in there, or at least a fun BYOB thread. So full points for creativity on both songs. I think the songwriting is commendable. The singing and guitar playing are just ok to me. Not actively painful, but nothing I'd like to hear twice if I didn't know the guy. As a person who likes to strum the guitar and write songs myself, but isn't and never will be very good at playing the guitar or singing, I sympathize fully. I'm not a horrible songwriter, and if only God had blessed me with a good voice and manual dexterity, I'd be pulling in the groupies right now instead of judging the Mx. BYOB Posting Pageant. It takes a lot of guts to share something like this, though. I'm assuming N. Senada knows he's not the next Art Garfunkel. So full points for courage as well. My Score: 9.3/10 ---------------- |
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May 6, 2017 14:14
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HotSoapyBeard's entry is probably the least traditional talent on display. Don't get me wrong: driving a boat is a very traditional talent in the world at large, but it is not a traditional BYOB talent. But HSB manages to make it BYOB. Here are some things I liked about it: 1. He did not crash the boat into things, which is chill. 2. The boat did not sink, which is also chill. 3. For at least a year now I have not been able to read or hear the word "boat" without immediately thinking "And I was very impressed with the boats torture," because of BYOB, but this video did not make me think of boats torture, but instead, boats pleasure. 4. I liked that the guy with beard in his name has a beard. This helped me "immerse" myself in the world of boating and Become One With The Boat. Things I did not like: 1. We didn't get the tour. 2. I wanted more boat. Things which confused me: 1. I was angry about having to watch a man eat an ice cream when I could not also eat an ice cream, at that moment. 2. I was p. chill watching a man eat an ice cream. Result: It made me changry (chill + angry, let's make this a thing) My Score: 9.6/10 cda fucked around with this message at 15:33 on May 6, 2017 ---------------- |
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May 6, 2017 14:26
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Eugene V. Dabs gives us our second textile talent. I think it's cool that she makes clothes and scarfs and stuff (I guess it's warm, not cool), but the thing I was most impressed with was making the yarn in the first place because the yarn looks really good to me. It looks like it would taste good if I ate it. I'm not saying that I would eat it, unless that's ok? Maybe it's ok to eat yarn? I'm asking for a friend. I would never eat yarn, of course. [very serious voice] Yarn isn't for eating! Unless...maybe it is? One thing lacking here is the step where the yarn becomes tasty. I mean pretty. I feel like the dye-ing process is probably involved and interesting because how do you get all those flavors on the yarn? Did you roll the middle yarn around in a pile of berries? Or is the flavor artificial? I'm going to eat that yarn in a big bowl, like it was candy spaghetti. No. I'm not going to do that. That would be wrong. My Score: 9.6/10 ---------------- |
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May 6, 2017 14:35
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It was exciting to get a talent entry out of the blue like this and to be totally honest if the entry had sucked I probably would've said that registration was closed. But instead of sucking, the entry was dope. I can only speak for myself, but stuff like this is Extremely My poo poo and I would love to get a card or to make a card, that looked like any of the things on display here. I think the one that shows the most technical chops is the Freddie Lounds one; the hair does look really good and it's an interesting effect. The octopus in also very impressive. I like the bear the best though, because I like the bear's expression. I think this is a genuine talent. The jellyfish one has a few glue problems at the edges so just because I am a bastard I deducted for that. My Score: 9.9/10 ---------------- |
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May 6, 2017 14:41
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This, our third musical entry is guitar playing + singing, but not songwriting. I hadn't heard the original, though, so I listened to it, and I have to say I really like the way that alnilam chose to present it and fill it out with more harmonies. alnilam should get a DAW because the biggest challenge here is syncing up the harmonies, which, as he said, is just difficult to do when it's all on an external recording device. It seems to me that the rhythm is a little off at times. The guitar-playing is competent, and the singing is full of life and sweetness. The song selection was real good. My Score: 9.5/10 ---------------- |
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May 6, 2017 14:51
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A video entry that's actually about the videos. That's cool. These gave me feels, remembering the videos I used to make in HS with my friends. Good times. Great times. Here's the difference though: a lot of the actual cinematography of these entries is way better than what we did, so there was actual thought put into that stuff, which I like seeing. The Bullying one didn't work for me though because 1) fake punches 2) too much emphasis on the guy just walking around being a dick in a stereotypical bully way. I think it would be better if the bully did other things, like posting PISS rear end in one of my threads, or laughing at me because I don't know the difference between the Nets and the Mets (they're both New York teams, right? What's the difference?) To conclude: the bully should do real stuff that really happens to me, because then I could relate more and you wouldn't have to fake the punches. The pain could be real, and forever. My Score: 9.1/10 ---------------- |
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May 6, 2017 15:02
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This is the most perfect thing I've ever seen in my life. My Score: 10/10 ---------------- |
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May 6, 2017 15:04
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I'm torn on this one. On the one hand, I think even using the prospect of your best bud dying to troll people is kinda hosed up, but on the other hand, if you're going to troll you might as well commit to it and you committed real hard here. In the end, I'm not judging where you'll be spending eternity, I'm judging your talent, and this is a great longform clicker. You absolutely would have fooled me because by the time I got to the link I was having the Futurama Episode With The Dog feels and it short circuited my ability to think straight. But the link was the wrong color, and that is when I knew. Perfect points for style, just a slight demerit for execution. This is the same score Hitler would have gotten for WWII btw: My score: 9.9/10 ---------------- |
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May 6, 2017 15:09
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Confidential to Manifisto: Next time you make things, make sure to document every step because you never know when you're going to be in a pageant and need to show all the steps so the judge can really appreciate what you've done. Here's the thing: you made the stuff so well that it looks like it didn't take any effort to make it, which makes it seem like it didn't require a lot of talent. Plus you said that your talent is faking craftiness, so maybe it's all a lie. Strong contestants think about the judges, and about whether maybe the judges have TOTALLY REASONABLE trust issues because of their childhoods or Martha gaslighting them about those text messages she kept getting from her "best friend" who was actually a wine-distributor named Brian and I think you should be legally able to send your therapy bills to people like that, I mean, I know that technically you can sue for pain and emotional distress but somehow not when it's your SUPPOSEDLY girlfriend or her wine distributing gently caress buddy? We need more and better laws against Martha. However, I like the tent. I like that it looks like it would keep water from hitting your head. I like the backpack. It looks like you can pack things in there. And I really like the mask. I had the same copy of Prydain books (totally remember them, Fflewddur Fflam fftw) and the Horned King creeped me out. If I was walking around on Halloween and saw that mask I'd know instantly where it came from. My Score: 9.4/10 ---------------- |
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May 6, 2017 15:19
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lmao this owns. great selection, great bg music, great execution. My Score: 10/10 ---------------- |
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May 6, 2017 15:26
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Thank you, King of the Beach, for sharing the duck pictures. I do not know what that guy in PI's problem was, like he's got some sort of insanely high standards for duck pictures for some weird reason, probably because he likes to j/o to them, is my guess. So thank you for sharing your stash of It looks like you live, or at least have access to, some really pretty places. My Score: 9.3/10 ---------------- |
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May 6, 2017 15:33
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lmbo calrissian's entry is colorful and cool. I think the pug picture is really excellent. If that was my pug I'd hang that picture up in a place of pride. It is super-well executed and conveys the essence of puggishness. I definitely see the chinese lion thing. The deer looks great in thumbnail. Up close, though, the cheapness of the materials used to create it makes it feel a little amateurish. The ibis on the other hand is going places. I like the texture of the paint and wish the entire canvas had been textured instead of there being pieces left blank. Everything that's there is great, I just wish there were a little more. My Score: 9.6/10 ---------------- |
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May 6, 2017 15:42
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The SECRET JUDGE has spoken: Hockey Jockey Wow! This is quite the talent! However you're working with children?? Well I've spotted a few problems. First of all most of your food is healthy, you can't play Candy Crush with a bunch of oranges and other fruit! And speaking of Candy Crush why isn't this all just a smartphone app? Look I'm a kid, I don't have time for the physical world these days - who does! However I have learned maybe the most important thing I can learn about a contestant in this competition; you have great taste in stationary. I would love to take those notebooks to class with me next year as I enter the fifth grade. For this I give you an 7/10 They Might Be First off - a song, and it's not in Spotify? I had to ask my dad how to listen to such an archaic format. After he showed me I listened to the song. My dad really liked it? But to me it just sounds like old. And by that I mean not new. Maybe it was before my time? I'm just a little kid but I was hoping to hear migos or maybe Bruno Mars come in and sing something? I would rather listen to an original work, and maybe you could work with some of the hot artists of today. I give you a 5/10 MrWillsauce Wow!!! First of all, good choice not using Youtube. I'll have you know my generation is very anti-Youtube! You thanked your mom and that's good I think my mom would want me to do the same thing. But you thanked me before you even knew my score?? You know I'm just a kid right. But anyways good tutorial. I'm going to try this if my mom ever leaves me home alone again lol I hope I can still find the video. Anyway you're teaching important life skills that I will need to survive myself, but you told me in the video you're not that good at it so maybe not. You get a 7/10 because now I don't know if I would survive eating the sandwich. vanisher Hmm... well the frame rate is very low. Kids like me have our eyes trained in Mario Kart and Sports Games and can percieve the universe at a much higher frame rate than old people.. for me this felt like a slide show my grandpa would show me! You're very humble, but humble isn't what I want to see in this competition! This is winning you points toward the chill award but for the talent portion you get a 6/10 N. Senada Well it should be on Spotify and iTunes so kids like me can stream it! I wish you provided the lyrics more because some of the words are too big for me and I want to look them up? I don't know what Lovecraft is, is that like Warcraft? My dad plays that... whatever. Well it's original at least so maybe you could get a rapper or two in there next time and I'll see if we can play you at my 5th grade dance. 8/10 HotSoapyBeard Wow that's really cool! Do you ever get pirates to attack or Captain Jack Sparrow? Just some of the things I think about when I think about boats lol. My dad let me watch that movie and I think it was really funny! Well if you do I would give you a 10/10 and if you don't I would give you a 4/10 but since I don't know I will give you the middle at 9/10! Eugene V. Dabs Well if I didn't have clothes to wear I think my parents would make me work in the mines instead of being a kid so this is a really good talent. I think though... the logo is the most important part of clothes to a kid and I can't see a logo here. I don't know if it's as good as the S thing or is it just like.. a t shirt. You know? Since I'm not sure and this doesn't look like something I could do on my phone I'll give you a 7/10 Fanky Malloons These pictures are neat. I don't know if I really am a musxox though whatever that is. Haha well. The ocean is scary unless it's in a videogame so I don't know how to feel about these. They're not real but I don't think they're screenshots either? Maybe it's because I'm a kid but I don't know what these are... like they don't even look like they were drawn on a 3DS were they? Anyway they look like they would be good enemies for the underwater level but I'm more in to the... the digital. Like most kids. You get a 7/10 alnilam Hmm very good. I'm still confused why you guys don't just put music on your phone or just get a record deal so you can be on the radio. That's where my generation finds things you know. There's multiple voices in the song and I identify that since I'm still a kid and that means I still have friends and hear multiple voices every day haha but I'm sure I'll be like the rest of you when I grow up. Anyway your score is 9/10 Munchables wow! I'm a kid so I know bullying!! It happens and it's real! Your videos are good but I think some of the flames looked kind of fake? Just an observation I don't know if you caught that... you know what they say, ykids have sharp eyes lol. Well video is definitely media for the new generation. I'll give you a 8/10 I guess. posting smiling Hmm this is a gif but it's not the kind of gif I know. Where's the meme text? It's weird... seems kind of like an old person thing. Is that what computer graphics really looked like when you were a kid? Reminds me of those old Gumgy cartoons or whatever my mom made me watch. Wha'ts important here is I learned what 3d is and that it can do all kinds of stuff. Made me look forward to the future, maybe I can live in a 3d world some day. I give you a 9/10. Make it look mor elike The Witcher 3 if you want more points. pig slut lisa At first I was like.. I didn't sign up for a novel & this is way above my reading level lol. Your dog is cute and this is the saddest, most tragic song I've ever heard. Even Matty B couldn't make me cry like this it's insane. I had to listen to your song on my iPhone in the bathroom and when I came out my face was so red from crying my mom asked me what was wrong but I told her nothing and now she thinks I'm allergic to chocolate. I give this talent a 10/10 it would be even higher but now I don't get chocolate anymore. Manifisto It's neat that you make things. My main concern is who ever goes outside? lol. The future is on our phones that's what my generation is going to do. Maybe instead of making camping equipment you could make a camping app so that we could camp from our bedrooms? Just thinking. I think you're heading in the right direction and I'll give you a 7/10 City of Glompton Wow! My family always eats Quiche on summer in the Hamptons but I never thought of it this way! I can't believe how much they're mistreating me with just extra cooked omelettes. I think Graciela and I are going to have a long hard talk next time we're there. I think I'm too young to understand a lot of the rest of these. I give you a 7/10 King of the Beach My mom says photographers are just taking pictures of things God makes so I don't know if I can give you credit for these. I'm going to have to check with her before this score is official but I like the pictures. They have a very old time-y Instagram feel to them you know? Well you can have a 7/10 too. lmbo calrissian Very very nice! They remind me of what Ms. B had us doing a couple years ago with crayons. If that's really your dog he looks like he's made out of spaghetti? But I like it's a dog and the other pictures too. Hmmm. Hmmmmmmm. I'll give this a 7/10 too. ---------------- |
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May 6, 2017 20:36
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This concludes the TALENT PORTION of our Posting Pageant. At the end of this round, the standings are: 1. alnilam - 9.625 2. posting smiling - 9.25 3. HotSoapyBeard - 9.025 4. hockey jockey - 9 5. eugene v. dabs - 8.9 6. pig slut lisa - 8.85 7. lmbo calrissian - 8.838 8. Manifisto - 8.725 9. fanky malloons - 8.6 10. munchables - 8.525 11. N. Senada - 8.513 12. King of the Beach - 8.325 13. vanisher - 8.175 14. MrWillsauce - 7.85 15. They Might Be - 7.825 16. City of Glompton - 7.75 17, 18, 19. farg, Hogge Wild, Android Blues - 0 What we have learned: it is dangerous to broach the controversial topic of food. Yarn is much safer. ---------------- |
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May 7, 2017 19:54
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Next up: the SWIMSUIT PORTION of our Posting Pageant.  A well-toned human body is the pinnacle of aesthetic perfection, a marriage of animal grace and human vulnerability that has made it a favorite subject of artists since time immemorial. As the great thinker Henry David Thoreau once remarked "It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look," and although he did not add, "and even more gloriouser than that to sculpt a rockin beach bod," I feel certain he would have, if he had not been a weird smelly little jerk. The rules for this portion are: Contestants must post either: 1. A photograph or video of themselves in a swimsuit. 2. An artist's rendition of them in a swimsuit: any visual medium (paint, collage, crayon, digital, sculpy etc.) 3. A written description of the swimsuit they are wearing and what they look like in it. All entries must be Safe For Work Judges are not allowed to consider the bravery of those who post a photograph in their score. There will be no points for being a confident, courageous human being who is willing to share a photograph. Judges are also not allowed to consider the creativity of any renditions or descriptions. There will be no points for being an amazing artist or writer. That's a talent, and we already judged that. Judges will consider: 1. The aesthetic qualities of the depicted body. 2. The appropriateness of the swimsuit to highlighting those aesthetic qualities. 3. The expression of positive personality characteristics which result from the pose, facial expression, swimsuit choice, and any other choices made by the poster. Entries are due by Thursday the 11th at Midnight EST. ---------------- |
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May 7, 2017 20:11
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The more I look into your eyes, the more love I see there. Your pose is inviting and speaks of a humble compassion. Your swimsuit shows up nicely in the emerald water. Your nipples are a little weird to me. My score: 9.4 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:15
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It's a bold move to wear two swimsuits at once, and your pose emphasizes this boldness. The number of your forehead makes you seem like maybe some sort of futuristic cyber-warrior. I imagine you emerging slowly from a pool of static and glowing green numbers. It's not your fault but my secret fear is being Snow Crashed by a futuristic cyber-warrior. You terrify me. My score: 9.2 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:21
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What are you drinking? Cranberry Juice? Blood? It better be blood. Real pirates don't fear scurvy. The earrings and hat are dope, but I would not call them a swimsuit, since most pirates could not swim. My score: 8.9 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:24
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I thought about this a lot. I don't want to gently caress birds, so I have a problem with you trying to project sex appeal. But then I thought: maybe the sex appeal is for other birds. I don't know what kind of bird this is exactly so I picked BUFF-BREASTED SANDPIPER. Dr. Laurie Santos, Associate Professor of Psychology at Yale University explains: Dr. Laurie Santos posted:[This bird is] drab looking because it lives in the Arctic, very hard to get food and do everything. But it kind of allows for its beauty to come out in really strange ways. And one of these ways is that it has incredibly attractive armpit. So, it’s armpit is very white, very clean and it will do flash displays for females where males will kind of get out in a field and kind of flash its armpit and if the females like the armpit, they can fly from miles and miles and then they’ll do this kind of wonderful armpit display and the females, you know, fall for it; they think this is wonderful. But you can tell, you know, kind of which males have the sexy armpits by which ones are flashing and all the females are all “Ahhh!” As my grandma used to say: If you ain't showin' pit, your sex appeal is for poo poo Your elegance is on point though. My Score: 9.2 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:29
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Classic goon bod in a classic pose. At this moment I am euphoric, not because of any phony god's blessing, but because you have stairs in your house. My Score: 6.9 (the funny number) ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:32
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This swimsuit daringly avant-garde. The pose is sassy. The dog is a nice touch. The black box behind you is mysterious (Dinto's Favorite Gravy Grandles?). My Score: 9.7 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:37
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Windmillslayer Would My score: 10 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:39
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Powerful. Perceptive. Manly. Shorts with flamingos. Fuckin ace. My score: 10 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:40
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Great pose. Your fun-loving spirit and amiability come through loud and clear. I don't know exactly which sea creatures feasted on your flesh and picked your bones clean, but as a team they deserve praise for the job they've done. There's not a speck of meat left. Swimsuit is disappointing though: just a simple black speedo. Tip for next time: flamingos brah My score: 9.8 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:44
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The umbrella says elegance, the hat says let's ride, the squint says "you feelin' lucky, punk?" That's too many different facets. It makes me feel like you're a real person with a complex history instead of an object for me to judge. Looking at this photograph I started wondering about who you are and what you've been through, who was taking the picture and what they meant to you. A friend? A lover? A stranger? And where did you get the umbrella, and could it perhaps symbolize something, perhaps innocence lost? This is supposed to be a swimsuit competition, not a New Yorker short story. My score: 9.1 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:50
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Eugene V. Dabs posted:i'm naked on a beach right now, so pretend this is my entry. Thank you for allowing me to use my imagination. This was almost a haiku. I'm naked on a beach right now so pretend this is my entry Next time try I am naked on a beach right now, so pretend this is my entry My score: 9.7 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:53
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The swimsuit says "gently caress me," the body says "gently caress you." That kind of aggressive porn-lite pandering might work in the Miss Universe competition, but not here, buddy. Not. Here. My score: 8.7 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 20:57
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I honestly don't know how to score this so I'm going to roll a d100 and that's going to be your score. My score: 9.0 ---------------- |
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May 12, 2017 21:00
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| # ¿ Apr 29, 2024 02:31 |
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The SECRET JUDGE speaks: Alnilam I'm only supposed to judge the body, huh? Okay, well are you aware that your body becomes like a green slime of some kind? Wouldn't want to run in to that guy in a dungeon! I think you have all the body parts of a human but I can only see one leg in the pic, so I'm taking off 2 points and giving you an 8/10 in case that other leg isn't there, and this body isn't perfect. Fanky Malloons You're killing me here... first maybe Alnilam only has one leg and now you maybe only have one arm? Well I can't be sure from looking in the picture if the other one is there so I'm going to have to take off two points here too. I'm going to add one point back for the stripes, if you don't have a second arm then maybe you have some tiger parts to make up for it. 9/10 Munchables This one was very hard to judge because you didn't mention about him.. does he have arms? Does he have legs? I know he has knees for sure, and he scratched himself with something... it might be an arm. Each arm, each leg, the head... the 5 puzzle pieces you need to create Life. I'm supposed to take two points off for each body part to make sure you add up but this one can't be solved with math. There are enormous mysteries of the cosmos here staring me raw in the soul. I asked my mom to take me to the beach to look for answers, I let the waves call to me.. and I heard the man. He was yelling that he deserves a 8/10 King of the Beach I would think with scurvy and a crew like that you would be King of the Seas, not of the beach. Isn't that just where your treasure goes? X marks the spot but X also marks my score, the X/10 I am giving you. That is a variable, I learned about them last week and I don't know what they mean, but I know it means a number. I asked my dad what number X is and he said 10/10. vanisher Very good. Glad to see some confidence here. Don't bow down to the other contestants... you must fight. Especially as a small bird in a big world, you [i]must[i] fight. Very patriotic, you got the slideshow... 3 different pictures. I don't know if birds count as having arms, but 3 pictures... there are 2 legs and a head for sure. Technically you have more parts on display here than anyone else, but I got confused and don't know if this is good for points or bad for them - is too many parts a negative? MAybe when I'm older I'll know. I give you a 9/10 N. Senada All five parts clearly on display... nice. Majestic posing, a coy smile in the afternoon sun. Ultimately I realized that you're like a 50 foot giant compared to those tiny people gazing at your arm and if I don't give you a 10/10 you might grind my bones to make bread. hockey jockey Terrifyingly beautiful... beautifully terrifying. I'm not sure. Arm, leg, leg, arm, head... it's all there. The only thing I'm worried about... that's not real skin. I don't know what kind of monster you are but without skin I can just give you a 8/10. HotSoapyBeard You're an international man of mystery, I can tell, but the real mystery here is how you got a second head. How do I score that? 12 points? I don't know if that's appropriate. Anyway you should be wearing a striped black and white one-piece suit and carrying one of those old barbells with the round weights on each end. You should be kicking over the nerd's sand castle. And bullies... bullies are mean. Well you can have a 9/10 because I'm scared about my sand castle. Manifisto Look I'm going to be blunt with you here. I'm supposed to judge the contestant's body and your body only has one of the parts of a body. On the other hand, my Hulk Hands are my favorite toy. But they're green and you're blue - are you a Hulk villain? I'm scared you're going to punch me so here's an 8/10 posting smiling A coy wave... completely, skinlessly naked. You have the personality we're looking for in a contestant but I'm worried about your health and well-being, you look nearly dead and whatever necromancy animated you - while it's good and didn't forget any parts and I'm sure was performed by one of the best necrosurgeons in the valley - you don't need to be this skinny, honey. Eat some hamburgers and maybe I can raise this 8/10 lmbo calrissian I'm a 9 year old boy and let me tell you - glad to see another 9 year old boy entering this competition. The umbrella is cool, the hat kind of looks like a diaper but don't worry I have lots of friends still in diapers at this age. I'm giving you a 10/10 because I want another 5th grader to win this thing. pig slut lisa Look I uhh. I don't want to like.. I'm not here to body shame, but wow... your body really offends me. Your body language is very rude. My mom wouldn't let me click to see you naked but I'm not even sure I want to, it might hurt my feelings. I'm sorry to do this but I don't put up with bullies, and you get a 7/10 eugene v. dabs If you're on the beach take a dang picture. You could have shown us the hunk sitting next to you and we never would have known. I'm sorry but I can't give a good score for this. If Miss America's talent was eating hot dogs do you think she could just go sit at Portillo's eating hotdogs during the talent competition? No. Not unless she took us there with her. This entry was phoned in and I can only give you a 6/10. Take me to the beach next time. You can just call my mom and ask, she'll be okay with it. They Might Be Are contestants allowed to sublet their entries like this? Raising mantises seems more like a talent than a swimsuit entry. Ralph has an amazing body, one of the best I have ever seen. This image is going to be with me in my head always, especially in the future when I hit puberty but... this isn't you. I give Ralph a 10/10 but I give our contestant a 7/10 here. ---------------- |
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May 14, 2017 00:31
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