Munchables posted:You see him. Large and hairy, standing in the water before you. His swimsuit a dark color gradient, with blues and greens and light stripes in between. His tubby stomach folding out of the tight waistband, the stretch marks on his sides barely visible. His man titties stare mournfully into your soul, as he scratches the seawater out of his beard. Fortunately for everyone involved, the legs of the swim trunks come down to his knees, but once he dives under a small crack appears behind him, and is then sucked under the waves. He is gone. Munchables. I forgot to judge this the first time around. Thank you for the tasteful swimsuit. My score: 8/10 ---------------- |
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May 14, 2017 00:33
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Thanks to all the lovely contestants for subjecting themselves to objectification. We promise we'll still respect you in the morning. The results of the SWIMSUIT PORTION are as follows: 1. vanisher - 9.55 2. HotSoapyBeard - 9.5 3. fanky malloons - 9.3 4. lmbo calrissian - 9.275 5. King of the Beach - 9.225 6. Manifisto - 9.1875 7. hockey jockey - 9.175 8. posting smiling - 8.95 9. alnilam - 8.85 10, They Might Be - 8.75 11. munchables - 8.5 12. pig slut lisa - 8.425 13. N. Senada - 8.225 14. eugene v. dabs - 7.675 And halfway through the competition, less than point separates first place from 14th place. It's still anyone's competition to win...or lose! The overall standings are: 1. HotSoapyBeard - 9.2625 2. alnilam - 9.2375 3. posting smiling - 9.1 4. hockey jockey - 9.0875 5. lmbo calrissian - 9.05625 6. Manifisto - 8.95625 7. fanky malloons - 8.95 8. vanisher - 8.8625 9. King of the Beach - 8.775 10. pig slut lisa - 8.6375 11. munchables - 8.5125 12. N. Senada - 8.36875 13. They Might Be - 8.2875 14. eugene v. dabs - 8.2875 ----------no swimsuit entries------------------ 15. Mr Willsauce - 3.925 16. City of Glompton - 3.875 ---------- ye line of total laziness ----------- 17. farg - 0 18. Hogge Wild - 0 19. Android Blues - 0 ---------------- |
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May 14, 2017 00:54
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We now enter the EVENING WEAR PORTION of our Posting Pageant.   I don't know about you, but when I think about BYOB, the words that first come to mind are: Taste. Style. Sophistication. Elegance. And that's what this portion of the competition is all about. Oscar Wilde may have said that fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months, but if that's the case, then BYOB fashion is a form of beauty so radiant that you never change it, no matter how funky or covered in ketchup stains it becomes. The rules for this portion are: Contestants must post either: 1. A photograph or video of themselves in evening wear. 2. An artist's rendition of them in evening wear: any visual medium (paint, collage, crayon, digital, sculpy etc.) 3. A written description of the evening wear they are wearing and what they look like in it. All entries must be Safe For Work Judges are not allowed to consider the bravery of those who post a photograph in their score. There will be no points for being a elegant, sexy human being who is willing to share a photograph. Judges will consider: 1. The taste and sophistication shown in the selection of evening wear. 2. The way this selection expresses a unique personal style while still saying "I paid ten dollars to post in the pastel cat forum" 3. The way that the contestant's post and facial expression complement this unique style. Entries are due by Wednesday the 17th at Midnight EST. ---------------- |
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May 14, 2017 01:07
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Munchables posted:I can't even compete with this Too bad, because you have to. ---------------- |
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May 14, 2017 22:04
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Flawlessly elegant. Elegantly flawless. I hate it. Or do I? Maybe I love it. Maybe I'm being sarcastic. Maybe I meant to type a 0 and I made a typo. Maybe I'm scoring this entry a 2 in binary. You'll never know. Welcome to the irony zone. My score: 10/10 ---------------- |
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May 18, 2017 19:57
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The irony of the punk aesthetic is that it became, in the end, so stylized and meticulous that it betrayed its own roots in underachievement and nihilistic grotesquerie. If punk works, it needs to shock both with the deliberate affront of a raised middle finger, and the carelessness with which the offense is offered. It is a careful balancing act: you have to care about not giving a gently caress. I think this entry, which combines an offensively bland visual presentation with a molten core of barely deflected anger, manages to be more punk than a thousand perfectly coiffed mohawks. My score: 10/10 ps - nice try, but we know you were really upset ---------------- |
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May 18, 2017 20:04
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When I imagine this ensemble stepping out of a polished limousine, it is a thing of beauty and of terror. My score: 9.7/10 ---------------- |
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May 18, 2017 20:06
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All the things match, a feat I have never once managed in my entire life. I am both impressed and jealous. I know I should score this higher, but I am petty, and wearing black pants with a brown belt. What am I doing with my existence. My score: 9.5/10 ---------------- |
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May 18, 2017 20:09
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If we had a casualwear competition, this would be a slam dunk (pun intended as you will see) but I do not believe you wear basketball shorts at night. I do not even believe it is possible to wear basketball shorts at night. I do not even know what basketball shorts are, and doubt they exist, because the basketball material would severely limit your mobility. In short, cutting holes in a basketball and wearing it like a diaper, while ingenious, is also forbidden, and a crime. My score: 9.2/10 ---------------- |
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May 18, 2017 20:12
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 My score: 8.5/10 ---------------- |
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May 19, 2017 15:15
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The photograph was clearly taken in the evening, thus making whatever you're wearing "evening wear." The picture frame is a nice touch because it makes me anticipate that I will be looking at an oil portrait of one of our Founding Fathers, or maybe a hideously old and deformed version of you that you keep in an attic while you commit gay crimes, seemingly blessed by a youth and charm that never fades. Overall, though, it's just not classy. It makes me think of classy things, but then I look at it. I bet that shirt would look cool if I were wearing 3-D glasses, but I'm not wearing 3-D glasses. Next time, include 3-D glasses. My score: 8.5/10 ---------------- |
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May 19, 2017 15:23
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Your commitment to the pose is commendable and I like the way your shadow looks. The dress is...acceptable. Those string thingies in the front really bring it down, though. You're dressed nicely. You could go to work that way, or to the club, but not somewhere truly fancy. But to return to what makes this entry stand out for me, I truly believe that you are singing into that wooden spoon, and that makes me fear for your sanity, and a frisson of fear is not an inappropriate accompaniment to real style. My score: 9.8/10 ---------------- |
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May 19, 2017 15:28
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I have walked on the beach every evening for twenty years, hoping to see something exactly like this. Now that I've seen it, I don't have to walk on the god drat beach at night anymore. You have set me free but, at the same time, now my life has no purpose. Perhaps true freedom comes not from transcending our limitations, but from embracing them and the struggle they imply? If so, it would be wrong for me to give this entry a perfect score. My score: 9.9/10 ---------------- |
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May 19, 2017 15:35
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N. Senada posted:A young person looks towards the cosmos, a field of stars hangs above him like so many dancing lights. Crickets chirp nearby, a soft campfire crackles far behind him and friends at the fire chat and laugh. But N. Senada is with them only in presence as his mind turns to the heavens. For a moment, he truly experiences the sublime as he wonders if there's something out there looking up at its own sky, looking up towards a galaxy of potential. He sits transfixed, hoping his eyes lock with the the eyes of something else, a chance meeting of intelligence across unfathomable distances. His bare feet rest on cool grass. He shifts his weight and blue jammies, covered in yellow stars and red rockets, rub against the ground as he turns to look at Orion's Belt. Green and brown earth stains his cotton and polyester apparel, but they are invisible to him in this darkness. His mind is elsewhere, floating through the universe, imagining about worlds he has only ever read about. Ice giants where nothing could live. Dwarfs so hot that the surface is liquid metal. Black Holes which challenge the very laws that govern his reality. This was beautiful. It captures the spirit of an evening in all of its charm and wonder. My score: 10/10 ---------------- |
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May 19, 2017 15:37
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First of all, you're going to get a 10 on this because you're wearing a tiara. But now that we've got that out of the way, what's up with your toes. Why are they pointed inwards like that? I'm not trying to say you're a freak or whatever, but that's not how toes should be pointed. My score: 10/10 ---------------- |
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May 19, 2017 15:38
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I really like your hair in this pic. My score: 9.8/10 ---------------- |
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May 19, 2017 15:39
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kAU3B9Pi_U My score: 10/10 ---------------- |
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May 19, 2017 15:45
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King of the Beach posted:tbh i was just trying to be real understood, it was tres byob ---------------- |
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May 19, 2017 15:59
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The SECRET JUDGE proclaims Fanky Malloons This is one bad rear end saiyan I would not want to run in to in a dark alley, but at least with evening wear like this you would be easy to spot. As I am legally not permitted to be coerced or intimidated I will not award the 10/10 you demanded. 9/10 vanisher Handsome. Sex Appeal. IRA. These are things I would think of here if I was older and understood what they meant. 9/10 They Might Be Children and judges are fickle beings. Simon Cowell has been on TV since I was born. He's basically my dad, I was raised by episodes of American Idol. This contest needs a Simon Cowell and that's me. Simon likes bold choices, like sockless loafers. Great job thinking on your feet. 8/10 Eugene V. Dabs Are you kidding me is this a real entry. Girl, you look like a tire fire. Go home and put some makeup on, goddrat. 7/10 hockey jockey A daytime photo of eveningwear, how can I be sure this is really eveningwear? I'd need to see it in the evening to be sure. 8/10 Munchables The picture you put in my head is so crystal clear, exsactly like me and how I dress when mom puts me to bed. However you lose a point for not performing the song yourself. 8/10 King of the Beach Evening wear photos work better when we can see the bottom of your gown. I had to use my imagination here, which is not good for you because the imagination of a child is a powerful tool, and I imagined hundreds of slithery tentacles. While that's cool, it's not proper evening wear. 7/10 HotSoapyBeard You're not getting any bonus points for demonstrating a talent during the eveningwear portion, Mx. However your dress is proper eveningwear. I'm worried from the lighting that this photo was not taken during the evening, however you at least saw fit to build a house around your photoshoot to hide this fact from me, I am young enough to easily forget. 9/10 posting smiling I am beginning to suspect that this contestant is dead... what at first I thought to be anorexia is starting to worry me by now. As you can see, this contestant has not moved a muscle since the swimsuit portion. I would like to request the medical team interfere immediately. I will however award points to the devoted stagehand who changed the contestant's clothes. 7/10 N. Senada This was a beautiful piece and I can identify with this form of evening wear. 10/10 alnilam If you shave you would be my favorite disney princess. However... I am not sure the chosen colors complement one another. I feel that this is more akin to a jesuswear photo... the sandals, the pose, the crown of perhaps thorns. 8/10 Manifisto The name is Palm. James Palm. Lol, just a funny thing I thought up. I was going to give you a 10/10 in case the bowtie was a weapon and you are prone to revenge but the organizers will not allow a child to be coerced. Or that's what their lawyers say anyway. So I am free to give you a 9/10 because frankly I am creeped out that your bottom 2 hands are a different color from the top. lmbo calrissian This is a game changer. I don't know what game it's changing but I bet that's happening somewhere. One thing I like about this picture is how very clear it is that it was taken in the evening. You can even see the moon and 2 stars. The belt buckle is a nice touch and if I was going to wear one costume from this competition it would be yours. 10/10 ---------------- |
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May 19, 2017 19:14
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This concludes the EVENING WEAR PORTION of our posting pageant. The scores for this round included a THREE WAY TIE for first place and a TWO WAY TIE for second place and a ONE WAY TIE for every other place: 1. alnilam - 9.5 1. lmbo calrissian - 9.5 1. vanisher - 9.5 2. HotSoapyBeard - 9.2 2. Manifisto - 9.2 3. N. Senada - 9.125 4. They Might Be - 9 5. hockey jockey - 8.625 6. fanky malloons - 8.375 7. munchables - 8.3 8. posting smiling - 8.225 9. eugene v. dabs - 8.175 10. King of the Beach - 7.815 ~~~~~~~~ the zone of non-compliance  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~pig slut lisa - 0 Mr Willsauce - 0 City of Glompton - 0 farg - 0 Hogge Wild - 0 Android Blues - 0 The overall scores at the end of this round are mysterious and will remain so 
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May 19, 2017 19:29
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And finally, the QUESTION ANSWERING PORTION of our fabulous pageant. They've sung and danced for you. They've flaunted their bodies and dazzled with their style. But we all know that in the end, what really matters is what's inside: wit, poise, knowledge, intelligence, eloquence, passion, and skeleton. That's what our proud contestants will be displaying as they endure their interrogat---errr, I mean, answer the questions we put to them.  The rules for this portion of the contest are simple: each contestant will get one question, which they may give one answer to, in any way that they wish. But before we ask the questions, we need to have questions, and that's where you come in. Anyone has until MONDAY, MAY 22, MIDNIGHT EST to PM me a question, or questions, that you think we should ask the contestants. Contestants may submit questions, but they will not be asked a question which they themselves have submitted. Judges may submit questions, of course. Do NOT post questions here. Questions posted here will be DISQUALIFIED. ---------------- |
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May 19, 2017 20:48
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The questions are starting to roll in. Please don't be shy. No question is too stupid, or too intelligent
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May 20, 2017 19:55
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Thank you to everyone who submitted a question. Sorry it took so long but I had to wait until enough questions had been submitted. The QUESTION PORTION of our pageant can now get under way. The ability to think under pressure, to synthesize information from different sources, to express your thoughts clearly, to turn a phrase and tickle a rib,and to shine a compassionate and thoughtful light on a difficult topic -- these are the hallmarks of BYOB posters. The QUESTION PORTION of this pageant is intended to give contestants a chance to show off their wit, their poise, their knowledge and their inner beauty. Contestants, make one post, in the medium of your choice, answering the question you have been posed. You do not have to use words, but words are good too. Your answers are due by THURSDAY, JUNE 1st, MIDNIGHT EST Judges basically think about what you'd like to emptyquote. And the questions are: vanisher - North Korea has utilized a deterrent-based strategy for their own security since shortly after the end of the Korean War. While never taking action that might tip the status quo against them, they have steadily expanded their deterrent capabilities, and have unabashedly chased raising the stakes to nuclear arms. Even without such weapons, analysis such as you'll find on stratfor.com illustrates that the immediate consequence of conflict with North Korea would be at least the partial destruction of Seoul. At what point are other countries ethically justified to make the decision to endanger the lives of South Korean citizens, and if never, should North Korea be allowed to eventually establish a large ICBM stockpile and potentially threaten the entire world? What actions would you advise? posting smiling - Why, and more importantly, why not? lmbo calrissian - you encounter a strange genie that grants you the wish that the last person left behind. you are granted the wish of "one extra body part of your choice, any species." how do you spend your wish, and what do you leave for the next person who encounters the strange genie? Manifisto – What do you wish you had, how often, and why? eugene v. dabs - Who do you look up to? King of the Beach - As I was going to St. Ives, I met a man with seven wives. These seven wives had seven sacks. The seven sacks had seven cats. The seven cats had seven kits. Kits, cats, sacks, wives. How many were squandering the best years of their lives? munchables - Who is faster: Mario or Sonic? HotSoapyBeard – What do you believe is the best thing one could store in their belly button, in a world where empty belly buttons are FORBIDDEN. N. Senada - How should I eat this burrito for maximum enjoyment?  pig slut lisa - Who should win? (cannot be yourself, a judge, or any contestant) City of Glompton – Who do you look down on? farg - What's song number 2 on your "Good Playlist filled with Great Music" playlist? alnilam - Raw capitalism has been the status quo for world trade since trade routes between countries were established. What strategies could be used to help limit the impact of unrestricted trade against countries who are happy to trade the rights of their citizens for some extra bucks in a corrupt government's bank accounts? How do you prevent such corporations from moving to other countries that are less restrictive just to continue their abuse of power? They Might Be - What's an updog? hockey jockey - you have a week to catch the best frog you can for the hoppin' fast frog race rally at the county fair. how would you catch the fella, and what characteristics would you look for in a racing frog? Android Blues - The Fermi Paradox illustrates the problem of a seemingly gigantic universe seemingly teeming with life-compatible planets, while we sit in silence, seemingly the only intelligent life that has sent messages to the universe at large during the scale in which we could intercept such messages. What possible explanations do you support as to why this is the case? fanky malloons - What will it take to bring stability back to the euro and foreign markets? Mr Willsauce – Would you rather win this pageant or the lottery? Hogge Wild - Bias throughout the world continues to be a major problem. Even more troubling are the findings that those that think they are the most objective are often more biased than average. This implies those that feel they are least vulnerable to systemic discrimination are in fact prime movers of such discrimination. What social policies do you think would be appropriate for helping to establish a more equal society, and thus a more successful implementation of the social contract? cda fucked around with this message at 14:58 on May 27, 2017 ---------------- |
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May 27, 2017 11:56
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And time for the final judging...
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Jun 3, 2017 21:59
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A mature, thoughtful answer. I could not have asked for better. And yet, I have some trouble believing that a small shorebird really wrote this. I think you had help. Which is okay, I didn't say you couldn't have help. But I meant to. But I didn't. So I'm going to pretend you made some spelling errors and penalize you for that. Learn to spell better, you dumb bird! My score: 9.6/10 ---------------- |
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Jun 9, 2017 17:19
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I enjoyed reading this well-reasoned and convincing argument. There's only one problem: sonic is faster. My score: 9.6/10 ---------------- |
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Jun 9, 2017 17:20
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This answer made me laugh, and that's all I ask. That and total loyalty and billions of dollars and the occasional taco bowl. My score: 9.9/10 ---------------- |
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Jun 9, 2017 17:22
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The correct answer was cda. Other acceptable answers: cda wearing a fake mustache, cda wearing two fake mustaches (location of second mustache left to your imagination  ), and, ok, fine, fluffieduckie if you have to do the whole female solidarity thing. My score: 4/10 ---------------- |
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Jun 9, 2017 17:25
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Nice Mel Gibson moment at the end there. Too bad he's an anti-semite. And probably a Tory. And definitely, really named "Melvin." My score: 9.5/10 ---------------- |
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Jun 9, 2017 17:28
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I think this is good advice, and I also enjoyed the mellow, burrito-friendly spirit in which it was offered. Next time I jbab I will pour some of it out for my good friend and guru N. Senada. My score: 10/10 ---------------- |
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Jun 9, 2017 17:30
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You hosed up. I'nm not a discerning thinker. You shoul dhave played to my interests, which are: laughter, billions of dollars, taco bowl, burrito, being looked up to, wearing a mustache on my dick. My score: 9.3/10 ---------------- |
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Jun 9, 2017 17:32
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From Waiting for Godot, Act I During Lucky's tirade the others react as follows. 1) Vladimir and Estragon all attention, Pozzo dejected and disgusted. (the part where you reminded me Iceland exists) 2) Vladimir and Estragon begin to protest, Pozzo's sufferings increase. (thhe part where you said bees, which I do not like. Please remember: laughter, taco bowl, mustache dick etc.) 3) Vladimir and Estragon attentive again, Pozzo more and more agitated and groaning.(the part where you kept droning on about the bees. pun intended) 4) Vladimir and Estragon protest violently. Pozzo jumps up, pulls on the rope. General outcry. Lucky pulls on the rope, staggers, shouts his text. All three throw themselves on Lucky who struggles and shouts his text. (sad that other countries have bad names like Latvia and not good ones like iceland) My score: 9.5/10 ---------------- |
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Jun 9, 2017 17:37
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tl;dr, i was going to say, until I got to the summary in rznv form. That's what Shakespeare would have done, for the groundlings. My score: 9.8/10 ---------------- |
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Jun 9, 2017 17:41
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lmbo calrissian posted:I see my legs and penis lose corporeal form and I'm granted magic wish powers. How the gently caress did you read my dream diary? Good score because I'm terrified now. My score: 9.6/10 ---------------- |
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Jun 9, 2017 17:43
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Put animal noses on fruits and berries is a good photoshop idea. My score: 9.8/10 ---------------- |
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Jun 9, 2017 17:45
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I listened to all of this in one sitting. It reminded me of how creative and funny BYOB can be. It was a nice trip down memory lane. My score: 10/10 ---------------- |
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Jun 9, 2017 17:45
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The SECRET JUDGE speaks! Vanisher Strong joke about North Korean bug and seed diet. Your post was very educational, now that I know we're just smoking North Korea - well, I'm excited. I can't wait to take a bite, I bet it's going to be delicious. 9/10 Munchables You're exposing some hard truths about Sonic here. I've always wondered how comes Tails could so easily keep up. Nice to see someone appreciating the raw talent and sportsmanship in Platforming. 8.5/10 Hockey Jockey Do you know where I can find a book about how to hop on lillies? I want to try your advice but I'm stuck on that part, after dressing up like a girl frog. I like your answer but I feel really bad for the frogs!! 8.5/10 Eugene V. Dabs I am sorry that you are having a rough time and I don't mean anything about you as a person, but as a Mx. BYOB when you are having a rough time is a good time to turn your dark talents toward epic BYOB threads. If you view any of the ancestral goodposters truthfully you will see that all of them are old, old men, and fat, flabby, disgusting, people whoare never loved and will never have friends, because that's funny, it's a committment-to-the-act thing. 4/10 Hot Soapy Beard Look this isn't about the quality of your post but this is the Mx. BYOB posting pageant, the truest Mx. BYOB would understand that the rotation of the image would overlap the text, and make it hard for judges to read. I call it the BYOB intuition. However your call to rebellion has inspired me, and I took the pickle rhind out of my belly button. 8/10 N. Senada You inspired me and I made my own tortillas today, so this is what it feels like to be multicultural. Very inspirational, thank you! 9/10 Manifisto This kind of flattery will get you everywhere except into first place, sucka. Mr. T with crossed arms looking mad. 8.5 Fanky Malloons I've been checking my mailbox every day and still haven't received the bees you promised me for a 10, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you a 8/10 Alnilam 9/10 for the song, which taught me more about global trade than my economics class. lmbo calrissian This is really funny and I don't have anything to contribute to the joke, this is the one I would emptyquote the most. It's a funny joke that's unexpected, but explored well enough go well beyond zanyisms and encourages the reader to think about a familiar subject in a way that they probably haven't before (having a genie vapor trail). 10/10 They Might Be I'm allergic to slobberberries but the picture is cute. 8.5/10 posting smiling At first I almost turned it off right away because of the 30 minute length but I decided to skip forward and see what the rest was like and I'm glad I did. I didn't expect this to be a full concept album about the Mx. BYOB Posting Pageant and that's very cool. However I think it's a little too monotone for the length. 9.5/10 ---------------- |
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Jun 14, 2017 00:18
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And the scores for the QUESTION PORTION are: 1. posting smiling -- 9.5 2. alnilam -- 9.45 2. Manifisto -- 9.45 3. hockey jockey -- 9.35 4. vanisher -- 9.275 5. lmbo calrissian -- 9.15 6. They Might Be -- 9.075 7. HotSoapyBeard -- 8.875 8. munchables -- 8.775 9. N. Senada -- 8.75 10. fanky malloons --8.625 11. eugene v dabs -- 5.5 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ non-participation zone! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ King of the Beach pig slut lisa Mr Willsauce City of Glompton farg Hogge Wild Android Blues ---------------- |
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Jun 14, 2017 00:45
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And now....the moment you've all been waiting for...  When we declare the WINNER OF THE MX. BYOB POSTING PAGEANT! But before we get to the results, let's have a hand for our fabulous judges who gave their time to this glorious endeavor.  Literally a Bird!!!! who did her judging even while doing the most difficult thing a human being can do: moving houses. Fluffieduckie!!!! who did her judging even while doing a more difficult thing than that: putting up with me. THE SECRET JUDGE who did their judging while fighting cyberjackers in NeoTokyo with nothing but a gunblade and a Spirit Vape. Not as difficult as the other two, but still pretty difficult! Without further ado, I would like to announce that the WINNER OF THE MX. BYOB POSTING PAGEANT! is...wait...but first, let's take a moment to reflect on the grace, beauty, poise, talent, wit, and sheer courage of all of our participants. It takes guts to put yourself out there and let three nice people and one weirdo judge you at all. I can't speak for the other judges, especially not the weird one, but I have gained a lot of respect for everyone that saw this strange thing through to its completion. It was hard not to give everyone a ten! Just know, you're all tens in my heart. For real though, thanks for doing this. AND NOW THE WINNER OF MX BYOB AND RECIPIENT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL, ONE-OF-A-KIND GANG TAG  IS  ALNILAM!!!  Take a bow, buddy. ---------------- |
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Jun 14, 2017 01:05
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| # ¿ May 14, 2024 19:14 |
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BUT WAIT, we're not quite done! There will also be a winner for the special AUDIENCE PRIZE. This prize will be awarded to the contestant, other than alnilam, who is voted by the audience to be the the most BYOB participant in the pageant. There will be a separate thread for this in just a moment.
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Jun 14, 2017 01:08
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