emerald as she is played: pokemon translated poorly

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > emerald as she is played: pokemon translated poorly

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guns for tits: Dec 25, 2014

noether posted:

yeah, "be good at running" helped me a lot last summer when I went camping in the woods near where I live. everyone was worried about the goats that went missing from old man emerson's farm the previous week, but I didn't listen. I didn't care about wolves or aliens or whatever, I just wanted a nice night out with jess, my girlfriend, where we didn't have to worry about either of our parents barging in at an inopportune time and asking if we wanted any lemonade or something. living with your folks just sucks sometimes, you know? we pulled the tent, double-wide camping chair, sleeping bags and some coolers out of the shed and loaded it into jess' pickup truck and drove out to the woods, stopping at the wal-mart on the way out to load up on firewood, wine, marshmallows, and other assorted junk food. it was going to be a fun night.

we got the tent set up on the third try, lit a fire that definitely didn't almost go out of control, set up the chair, and spent the evening huddled together under a blanket, getting drunk, roasting marshmallows, and watching the fireflies dance in the night. as the hours passed, the combination of the wine and the warmth coming from the fire and from my partner started to make me drowsy. I could feel my eyelids getting heavier. I rested my head against hers, and slowly drifted off to sleep.

I awoke with a start in the tent. sunlight streamed in from outside, and I blinked a few times as my eyes adjusted. I looked around the tent, but jess was nowhere to be seen. her sleeping bad was empty beside me. I could smell a captivating aroma coming from outside, though, and thought that maybe she had gotten up before me and was making us breakfast or something. my stomach growled ferociously. all we'd eaten the previous night were a bunch of marshmallows, potato chips and dark chocolate hazelnuts. not exactly the most filling affair. I unzipped the tent and crawled outside.

a clean-shaven man in a green jacket sat in our chair, behind a folding table. on the table was a silver platter, covered in a fancy dome. steam slowly flowed out from the seam between the lid and the plate.

"good morning, miss!" said the man in the green jacket, cheerfully, "can I interest you in some piping hot goatmeal? it's a once-in-a-lifetime opporunity!"

"who are you? where's jess?" I stammered, starting to panic. what kind of psycho just waltzes into someone else's campsite and makes themselves at home? what the gently caress is "goatmeal?"

"that's not important," the man replied, waving his hand back and forth.

"what did you do to jess?!" it was the only thing I could think of. what if she had been cooked, and that's what was under the lid?

"yes or no, miss! I'm starting to get kind of impatient." the man's wide grin faded, and quickly turned into a scowl. "I went through a lot of trouble to make this goatmeal, young lady! either you want it or you don't, it's fine, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's indecisive little waifs that whine and complain about their missing girlfriends" by now, some kind of black mist began to seep from the man's sleeves and out from the bottom of his coat, collecting in a pool by his feet. "grow a spine, for gently caress's sake. are humans all this flighty? how do you as a society build skyscrapers and computers, but when someone goes through the trouble of preparing a fresh batch of goatmeal for you, you seize up like a deer caught in the headlights? see if I ever pay any of you the courtesy again! what a bunch of-"

I ran. it didn't even occur to me to check the tend for jess' truck keys or anything, I just had to go. the woods were thick, but I'd spend so much time out there growing up that I knew my way around in my sleep. I sprinted through the undergrowth, ducking under tree branches, hopping over old rotting logs, adrenaline coursed through my veins and made me forget to feel tired. I'd never run so fast in my life. after what seemed like ages, I burst out of the trees into the pastures behind old man emerson's farm. I fell to my knees and tried to catch my breath. I was safe, it seemed, though I still had no idea what happened to jess.

but yeah, being good at running is super useful sometimes.

Running is also a great way to exercise!

# ? May 15, 2017 03:26

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# ? May 2, 2024 20:12

noether: May 1, 2017; some kinda cutesy shoggoth

guns for tits posted:

Running is also a great way to exercise!

Right! And excercize and a healthy diet are the keys to mental and physical wellness!

# ? May 15, 2017 03:31

BlazeEmblem: Jun 8, 2013; Uh oh. Do I use Ariadne thread or Goho-M?

noether posted:

A story

Please include this in your table of contents.

# ? May 15, 2017 03:35

The Golux: Feb 18, 2017; Internet Cephalopod

MythosDragon posted:

Apparently cut gives mons a sword in this game because Jian means sword.

and Zhan means cut in half (same as Zan in Japanese). The Japanese name for Cut is "Iaigiri" which is the thing where you draw a katana and cut a thing in half with one motion and then sheathe again, so it does explicitly refer to a sword.

# ? May 15, 2017 04:00

Bogart: Apr 12, 2010; by VideoGames

Goatmeal sounds alright to me. It's just oats and stuff, right?

# ? May 15, 2017 04:32

noether: May 1, 2017; some kinda cutesy shoggoth

Bogart posted:

Goatmeal sounds alright to me. It's just oats and stuff, right?

Izzhov seems to be the authority on goatmeal, so you'd be best off just asking them.

BlazeEmblem posted:

Please include this in your table of contents.

done and done.

# ? May 15, 2017 04:37

get that OUT of my face: Feb 10, 2007

"Dammit" is pretty tame compared to "DRUG BAG gently caress" and "ASSES IS $10000" that are both in Vietnamese Crystal.

# ? May 15, 2017 04:38

noether: May 1, 2017; some kinda cutesy shoggoth

get that OUT of my face posted:

"Dammit" is pretty tame compared to "DRUG BAG gently caress" and "ASSES IS $10000" that are both in Vietnamese Crystal.

very true. it just caught me by surprise more than anything. hopefully there's more foul language in there later on, though.

# ? May 15, 2017 04:44

Blaze Dragon: Aug 28, 2013; LOWTAX'S SPINE FUND

noether posted:

Right! And excercize and a healthy diet are the keys to mental and physical wellness!

I thought the key to mental wellness was brain games!!

# ? May 15, 2017 05:48

noether: May 1, 2017; some kinda cutesy shoggoth

Blaze Dragon posted:

I thought the key to mental wellness was brain games!!

it's a maslow's hierarchy sort of thing. sure, brain games!! can improve your mental fortitude, but without proper diet and exercise, a person can hardly expect to get much out of it. can you imagine playing a brain game!! on an empty stomach, or after pulling an all-nighter or something? of course not, that's obviously absurd.

# ? May 15, 2017 06:04

Xenoveritas: May 9, 2010; Dinosaur Gum

SystemLogoff posted:

The text pointer could have pointed to something with no text data. It's lucky that it did not have any control codes that would crash the game in it.

Nah, it's almost certainly proper text data. It seems to have punctuation and the proper control characters (the text doesn't overflow the box and apparently the trigger to wait for a button press is a control code), the text is just junk.

# ? May 15, 2017 06:09

Bogart: Apr 12, 2010; by VideoGames

get that OUT of my face posted:

"Dammit" is pretty tame compared to "DRUG BAG gently caress" and "ASSES IS $10000" that are both in Vietnamese Crystal.

I guess I can understand DRUG BAG gently caress if we leave behind the realm of SVO, and take a very liberal definition of 'gently caress' to mean 'to put in' or 'insert.' Inserting drugs/medication into one's bag sounds a lot more reasonably human and un-machined than DRUG BAG gently caress.

# ? May 15, 2017 06:20

guns for tits: Dec 25, 2014

I wonder if you can randomize this game like you can with a regular emerald rom.

# ? May 15, 2017 14:25

Ibblebibble: Nov 12, 2013

MythosDragon posted:

Apparently cut gives mons a sword in this game because Jian means sword.

It can also mean cut depending on the tone.

# ? May 15, 2017 17:12

ApplesandOranges: Jun 22, 2012; Thankee kindly.

MythosDragon posted:

Apparently cut gives mons a sword in this game because Jian means sword.

It also literally means cut. Alternatively sharp, but most likely the former.

# ? May 15, 2017 18:41

RyuHimora: Feb 22, 2009

So uh, noether I'm really hoping Jess turned out okay

# ? May 16, 2017 00:02

Commander Keene: Dec 21, 2016; Faster than the others

Bogart posted:

I guess I can understand DRUG BAG gently caress if we leave behind the realm of SVO, and take a very liberal definition of 'gently caress' to mean 'to put in' or 'insert.' Inserting drugs/medication into one's bag sounds a lot more reasonably human and un-machined than DRUG BAG gently caress.

I think that came about due to the character for 'do' having the same alternate euphemistic meaning in Chinese or whatever as it does in English, and for whatever reason Google decided that GameFreak had certainly included sexual slang in their kids' monster catching game. I'm imagining these bootleggers in Vietnam sitting around the monitor as Google spits out its massacred take on Pokemon and thinking "Oh, that's why Americans say 'gently caress' so much! It means they're doing something!"

# ? May 16, 2017 02:03

noether: May 1, 2017; some kinda cutesy shoggoth

RyuHimora posted:

So uh, noether I'm really hoping Jess turned out okay

oh, that!

yeah, she was fine, she just had to use the bathroom, and she wandered off and got lost coming back. apparently the guy in the green jacket was gone when she got back. she was super freaked out, thought a bear got me or something.

# ? May 16, 2017 03:40

noether: May 1, 2017; some kinda cutesy shoggoth

so close to the vogue

this update was from the stream on saturday. the relevant section of the VOD can be found here, on the off chance that unedited bootleg emerald with my hosed up voice layered over it interests you. the stream featured my friend tomatogatcha on co-commentary.

mem beat, the name of my new edm band.

on the way back to old jiye�s pad, chinese emerald comments on internet culture.

dad phones us on the way over to shanmu island, and dispenses some timeless wisdom as only a father can.

Wait, how the hell did he get my number? Is that a superpower dads have or something?

I�m not sure what xik is, but it sounds cool. maybe it�s the name of a local band.

most pokemon games give you a fishing rod to use, but this one gives us a man named robert that does the fishing for us.

er, it says it gives us a fishing robert, but all I got was a fishing rod. stupid bugged robert mechanics.

I�m bad at fishing in pokemon. this is what happens when you�re bad at fishing in pokemon.

that�s probably for the best, though. if you�re good at fishing, you have a seizure.

we can only get two mons through fishing with this rod:

it�s rather unfortunate that this fish isn�t good at swimming, but it�s carpk. what did you expect?

Neon Genesis Evangelion 5.55: power can (not) down, coming to theaters never.

our fisherman buddy is interested in our haul. Shar-ing is car-ing, as they say.

nobody likes a one-upsman :jerkbag:

knowing this game, very little information is going to be exchanged in there.

�patrick bateman posted:

Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums. Listen to the brilliant ensemble playing of Banks, Collins and Rutherford. You can practically hear every nuance of every instrument. In terms of lyrical craftsmanship, the sheer songwriting, this album hits a new peak of professionalism. Take the lyrics to Land of Confusion. In this song, Phil Collins addresses the problems of abusive political authority. In Too Deep is the most moving pop song of the 1980s, about monogamy and commitment. The song is extremely uplifting. Their lyrics are as positive and affirmative as anything I've heard in rock. Phil Collins' solo career seems to be more commercial and therefore more satisfying, in a narrower way. Especially songs like In the Air Tonight and Against All Odds. But I also think Phil Collins works best within the confines of the group, than as a solo artist, and I stress the word artist. This is Sussudio, a great, great song, a personal favorite.

now thread, I know you�re probably excited for this next bit... unfortunately, the menu for telling this patrick bateman wannabe what�s hip on the mainland is the same as the one for biography guy back in tianyuan city: nothing but garbage text. lame, I know.

I mean, they�re right next to each other on my keyboard...

yesss, I�ve never been anything close to the vogue before. This changes everything!

uh... toilet paper?

�tomatogatcha posted:

a working toilet? a pair of not-poo poo pants?

Poor GWDLN had a bad time in that battle.

And..? don�t leave me in suspense :argh:

I�ll have to keep that in mind. Maybe if I can find a mon that can turn its head around 180 degrees and puke at range, I�ll win more battles.

I�ll uh, I�ll keep that in mind.

Here�s your lesson, folks: seafish always lose. Pick riverfish every time!

I�ve had enough of fishing, thanks. doctor mon says I have to be careful of having any more seizures, you know?

I think I�d prefer to stay faaar away from someone with the flask skill, thanks.

I was really excited to see if flash was the one thing that got translated exactly correctly, but it wasn�t. we just get glitter instead. like real glitter, it�s a pain in the rear end to get this poo poo out of a pokemon once it�s in there.

see through what? the wall? were there mons there?

very cherish body much huge motor tissue wow

I only went through the top floor of granite cave on this pass. the cool stuff lies below~

guitai was a pioneer of the sport of shadowboxing, where you stand in the dark and flail wildly in the general direction of where your opponent is until you hit them. It has yet to catch on outside of shanmu.

inside the gym, the man in the green jacket looms in the darkness. the aromas of goat and nutmeg fill the air in the gym. NOETR instinctively squeezes his eyes shut, drops to the floor and covers his ears as the warm darkness seeping forth from the man in the green jacket envelops him, a deep droning noise getting louder and louder, until suddenly... silence. when NOETR opened his eyes, the man was nowhere to be seen, though the aroma still hung in the air.

time to deal with the second gym!

what? that�s not how shadowboxing works, ya dolt.

oh, you�re into karate tennis, not shadowboxing. now everything makes sense.

I WOULD LIKE TO NO LONGER BE IN A DARK ROOM WITH THIS MAN

chinese emerald posted:

sailer

ooh, so close! one of these days, there�s going to be something that�s exactly the same as the official translation.

SIR, YOU ARE PUSHING IT

whoa, okay, you don�t have to push so hard, miss.

looks like someone needs to take more games, eh? wait, what sport is this again?

birds are known for their bird venom. one sting can incapacitate a horse while the bird drinks its insides like a horse smoothie.

apparently fbird evolves into fbird. don�t think about it too hard.

Zeetoo posted:

strength, speed, and a mastery of microsoft excel

our little SLAM is building quite the resume, it seems.

anyway, it's time to fight guitai. this fucker used to give me a lot of trouble as a kid, and, though I like to pretend that I'm good at video games now, gave me a lot of trouble in this run too. GWDLN was supposed to be my sweeper for this battle, but since they're such a squishy child, he kept getting one shot by the Sbear or crit while I was setting up or whatever. Argh.

...but eventually the team pulled through, and I got the nike medal. honestly, I wasn't expecting any product placement in my pocket monsters, but whatever.

I like to think that I'm important, so I'll call him ah! too.

+1 for golden water being the true name.

I'm not sure how fengshi got our number. maybe ah! gave it to her.

...but that's a concern for another update. next time, NOETR goes spelunking and visits a museum!

I'll let the thread know when I'm gonna stream again. it'll probably be saturday at about the same time slot for about 2-3 hours. see you then!

# ? May 17, 2017 03:43

Blaze Dragon: Aug 28, 2013; LOWTAX'S SPINE FUND

noether posted:

There's something I find really charming about the sheer simplicity here, in both name and description. Good stone. Very strong stone.

# ? May 17, 2017 04:00

noether: May 1, 2017; some kinda cutesy shoggoth

Blaze Dragon posted:

There's something I find really charming about the sheer simplicity here, in both name and description. Good stone. Very strong stone.

I love how wildly that contrasts with the way the random purple prose that's been popping up.

like, "stone: very strong" is in the same game as the kid talking about vulneraries and alexipharmic medicine back in gold water.

# ? May 17, 2017 04:15

Digamma-F-Wau: Mar 22, 2016; It is curious and wants to accept all kinds of challenges

# ? May 17, 2017 04:16

BlazeEmblem: Jun 8, 2013; Uh oh. Do I use Ariadne thread or Goho-M?

So Spbats live in black holes?

Those jerks really do show up everywhere :argh:

# ? May 17, 2017 04:21

noether: May 1, 2017; some kinda cutesy shoggoth

The Ayshkerbundy posted:

this is amazing.

I hope robert and the teacher get along back there. NOETR's bag doesn't look very spacious, you know?

BlazeEmblem posted:

So Spbats live in black holes?

Those jerks really do show up everywhere .

when a black hole finally evaporates, zillions of spbats are released into the ether. it's thought that the region of the universe that features the world of pokemon once featured a small black hole. lord knows what would happen if a large one evaporated...

noether fucked around with this message at 04:27 on May 17, 2017

# ? May 17, 2017 04:23

Digamma-F-Wau: Mar 22, 2016; It is curious and wants to accept all kinds of challenges

noether posted:

also by The Ayshkerbundy, the plight of fishing robert:

whaddya mean plight, can't you see robert's having the time of his loving life

# ? May 17, 2017 04:30

guns for tits: Dec 25, 2014

Be good at running, but be not good at swimming.

This lp gives such great advice!

# ? May 17, 2017 04:31

noether: May 1, 2017; some kinda cutesy shoggoth

The Ayshkerbundy posted:

whaddya mean plight, can't you see robert's having the time of his loving life

I dunno, the tiny frown and life of eternal servitude make me think otherwise

although, the man was literally made to fish.

guns for tits posted:

This lp gives such great advice!

I'm still hoping/waiting for bizarre foodstuffs to come up at some point a la VOLCANO BAKEMEAT, but I think this bootleg's novelization is gonna be a self-help book instead of a cook book.

# ? May 17, 2017 04:38

Digamma-F-Wau: Mar 22, 2016; It is curious and wants to accept all kinds of challenges

noether posted:

tiny frown

That's a giant smile, not a pig nose and dapper mustache

The man just Loves fishing

though perhaps you're right, and his smile hides his true inner sadness

# ? May 17, 2017 04:43

noether: May 1, 2017; some kinda cutesy shoggoth

The Ayshkerbundy posted:

That's a giant smile, not a pig nose and dapper mustache

ooohhhhhhhhh, I see it now!

# ? May 17, 2017 04:56

Kurieg: Jul 19, 2012; RIP Lutri: 5/19/20-4/2/20

noether posted:

I hope robert and the teacher get along back there. NOETR's bag doesn't look very spacious, you know?

NOETR BAG gently caress.

:heysexy:

# ? May 17, 2017 05:02

noether: May 1, 2017; some kinda cutesy shoggoth

Kurieg posted:

NOETR BAG gently caress.

I'll have to put a stop to the intra-bag loving once I get a bike. seems like it would be hard as poo poo to balance with two dudes going at it like rabbits on your back

noether fucked around with this message at 05:13 on May 17, 2017

# ? May 17, 2017 05:09

get that OUT of my face: Feb 10, 2007

noether posted:

Go to Brooklyn and see if Spbat will sleep then.

# ? May 17, 2017 06:22

Commander Keene: Dec 21, 2016; Faster than the others

noether posted:

most pokemon games give you a fishing rod to use, but this one gives us a man named robert that does the fishing for us.

NOETR puts him right next to the teacher in the bag, to better complement each other.

# ? May 17, 2017 21:47

Bogart: Apr 12, 2010; by VideoGames

A very body positive game. :3:

# ? May 17, 2017 22:01

noether: May 1, 2017; some kinda cutesy shoggoth

I need to get a fishing roberta so I can put her and robert in the daycare and get more robs

Bogart posted:

A very body positive game.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧all mons are beautiful*:･ﾟ✧

# ? May 18, 2017 05:17

mandatory lesbian: Dec 18, 2012

noether posted:

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧all mons are beautiful*:･ﾟ✧

# ? May 18, 2017 08:25

noether: May 1, 2017; some kinda cutesy shoggoth

chinese emerald posted:

I was never a very strong swimmer. my family used to go down to the lake a lot when I was a kid, but I usually either just hung out on the shore the whole time or floated around on an inner tube in the shallow water. I never got into swimming swimming like my brother did or anything. also, I'd walked in on my parents watching "jaws" when I was about 6 and that made me reeeealy terrified of deep water. it's just so unnerving, looking down and seeing nothing but abyss below you. how was I supposed to know there wasn't some kind of fish monster down at the bottom of the lake, waiting to devour anyone who swam out too far?

all that considered, jess didn't have a very hard time convincing me to go to the lake with her over the weekend. she floated the idea while we were waiting for our parents to pick us up after cross country practice one day during the summer. I was still pretty out of breath from the run that day; we tried to run together most of the time, but she was junior varsity and I was just starting as a freshman, so while she was jogging at at a fairly leisurely pace, I was pushing the limits of my endurance the whole time. I tried to explain that I wasn't really into swimming (though I left out the part about being scared of fish monsters, I didn't want her to think I was childish or whatever) in between attempts to catch my breath.

she shrugged. "suit yourself." she was trying hard to look indifferent, but I could tell she was disappointed. a moment later, we spotted her family's rusted old pickup truck lurching up the road to collect her. she leaned over and whispered something in my ear before grabbing her stuff to leave: "I bet you'd look cute in a swimsuit."

the lake was crowded, typical for a saturday. we tried to set up our blanket and umbrella as close as we could to where we parked and to the shore, but ended up being pretty far from both. along the way, we passed the bathrooms everyone seemed to be using as changing rooms and thanked the stars that we'd had the foresight to just wear normal clothes over our swimsuits. the line looked excruciatingly long.

we removed our street clothes under the shade of the umbrella. jess was wearing a rainbow-patterned bikini that really showed off her athletic build. I hadn�t really thought about it much before I met her, but I kind of have a thing for girls with six packs. I was wearing a black and white floral print one-piece that showed off my- well, I was kind of built like an ironing board back then.

the water was warm, almost hot, even, and clear enough that I could see down to the bottom of the shallow parts. the area close the the shore was full of younger kids, a bit past them were some adults and older kids, and past them were some wooden platforms that seemed to have been commandeered by some older guys, probably college-age, doing cannonballs and generally antagonizing each other for fun. way out past them, some ducks floated around idly. great, old trees framed the lake from all sides. jess and I mostly just floated around on our backs in the middle portion, holding hands so we wouldn�t drift apart.

eventually, jess mentioned that she was getting hungry and we started making our way back to our stuff. while we were wading through a sea of fifth graders, I heard some commotion behind us, and turned around. the college boys were making a big deal about something, yelling and waving their arms around. I was about to turn back around when a giant fish that must�ve been six or seven feet long launched itself out of the lake, sailed over the platform, and took one of the college boys with it. the front half of the creature looked like it was bare bone formed into plates, and instead of teeth, its face-bones seemed to end in sharp, uneven edges. as the fish crashed back into the lake, it sent up a plume of water tinted red with the boy�s blood.

at this point, everyone else in the lake started hurrying towards the shore, but I was paralyzed with fear. the fish�s dorsal fin emerged from the water again, and started heading towards the crowd at blinding speed. I felt a strong tug on my arm yank me away from the horror, nearly making me lose my balance. for a split second,I thought some horrid tentacle monster had grabbed me, but when I looked up, I saw jess pulling me towards the shore, my hand in her powerful grip. we waded through the water as fast as we could, jess basically dragging me behind her. I could hear the sounds of the fish thrashing about in the water, not far behind us. When I looked back, the lake was murky and crimson.

at long last, we reached the shore and ran back to our blanket. I was kind of on autopilot, and I started trying to pack up our stuff. jess hugged me from behind, resting her chin on my shoulder, and wrapping her arms around my torso. I could feel her heart racing through her chest pressed up against my back. time felt like it was standing still, and for a moment, the rush of beachgoers coursing past us seemed not to matter.

�I�m so glad I didn�t lose you,� she said, her voice trembling.

thinking back, if I�d been a stronger swimmer, and we went further out than we did, she just might have.

noether fucked around with this message at 07:18 on May 20, 2017

# ? May 20, 2017 04:29