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Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
Wow, such crime! Much stupid.

quote:

Another day, another cryptocurrency clusterfuck. This week, the creator of the tipping bot “dogetipbot”—a service that let Reddit users “tip” each other in Dogecoin—announced that his company is broke, he’s broke, and the bot is broke because he spent all the coins, after he himself ran out of money.

Dogecoin was originally conceived as a joke featuring a popular Shiba Inu dog meme. As an “alternate bitcoin,” it used tweaked versions of the code that runs Bitcoin (a decentralized, peer-to-peer online currency that uses public-key cryptography). Dogecoin went big in 2014, largely because of dogetipbot. It worked similarly to how Reddit users can give each other Reddit Gold. As dogecoins were initially worthless, people threw large amounts of them at each other with little regard. It was fun.

However, Bitcoin and altcoin exchanges soon added dogecoin to begin trading them for real money. (The exchange rate on cryptocurrency fluctuates wildly. At the moment, a single dogecoin is worth around a tenth of a penny—$0.0012—three times what it was worth a month earlier.)

Dogecoin tipping allowed the currency to fail upwards to such heights as sponsoring the Jamaican Olympic bobsledding team and a Nascar car (yes, that actually happened, twice). Dogecoin currency enthusiasts also raised money for charitable causes, including donating $25,000 to a UK service dog organization and $30,000 to support clean drinking water in Kenya.

In 2014, the creator of the Dogetipbot, Josh Mohland, told Money & Tech that his bot was the most popular cryptocurrency tipping service on the internet. At that point, according to Mohland, 56,000 Reddit users had traded the equivalent of $150,000 in Dogecoin tips.

Later that year, Mohland decided that the free service dogetipbot offered was a feasible business. He set up a company named Wow Such Business Inc. to run it. Shockingly, the company was not a success.

The dogetipbot website emphasized that the service was always free. Yet, somehow Mohland believed his creation could support a business model. He tried to get investors, but who would want to invest in dog meme tokens with no path to monetization?

This week, Mohland suddenly announced to Reddit, in a post entitled “[Important] I’m taking dogetipbot to a server farm upstate” that Wow Such Business Inc. was bankrupt, the bot was dead, and Mohland had emptied everyone’s digital wallets.

“Very lies, such betrayal, WOW.”
According to Mohland, in 2015, all Wow Such Business employees were laid off, including himself, and he began pouring his personal funds into the service to keep the bot alive. “With $500 in the bank account, all of my personal funds spent, and all of my personal credit cards maxed out to pay for the business, I had to make a case to potential investors as to why cryptocurrency tipping wasn’t going anywhere and why they should back us,” Mohland wrote. After he ran out of his own money, he “made the decision to cash out the cold storage funds”, meaning secretly using customer funds and stealing the users’ coins in an attempt to keep the dream of cryptocurrency tipping alive.

In finance, customer funds are supposed to remain segregated from the business’s funds. They live in a separate legal universe, and this rule is meant to insulate the business and customer from each others’ failures. In the Wild Stupid West of cryptocurrencies, this rule is not always respected, and it’s why Bitcoin, Dogecoin, and other altcoins suffer such devastating failures so often. (Moreover, even though the grifted Dogetipbot users could have a claim in court when Wow Such Business goes formally bankrupt, cryptocurrency exists in a largely unexplored legal limbo, so good luck to them getting a single dogecoin back.)

Dogecoin attracted the same intersection of government-hating libertarians and get-rich-quick schemers that liked Bitcoin. They were ballooned by credulous, sympathetic and wildly optimistic media coverage. Similarly, Dogetipbot had big dreams. In reality, Mohland failed to secure more funds for Dogetipbot, and was forced to declare bankruptcy. “Unfortunately, there’s no bailouts in crypto,” he wrote. Now, Mohland admits that the cryptocurrency community is delusional and he was blinded to it.

In order to deal with this debt, Mohland decided to completely erase the dogecoins held by all of his tipbot’s users. “As of right now, everyone’s dogetipbot balance is set to 0 — the slate has literally been wiped clean. There are no Dogecoins left in the dogetipbot hot wallet. This is literally the nuclear option,” Mohland wrote in his post. “I personally hold no cryptocurrencies nor do I have any desire to in the future. I have one piece of advice for anyone considering starting a crypto business: don’t.”

“Dogecoin used to be fun, back when it wasn’t worth anything. We were the coin that made fun of people looking for a quick profit. Over time, it turned into everything I hate about crypto,” Mohland lamented. “I just didn’t see it happening since I was in the middle of it.” He closed the post with a YouTube link to a video titled “Fight Club Ending.”

In response to Mohland’s post, many in his community—known as “shibes”—began thanking him for robbing them blind and desperately trying to cobble together funds to keep the charade going.

Leroy_sunset:

I’m really not mad, although I understand the anger coming at you. Just one question, for the sake of transparency. How many doge were in the hot wallet that you cashed out? I think we have a right to know the scale of the mistake, and what it costs to fuel a failed moon shot.

Cryptofortune:

How much does the hosting plan cost for a year? I will chip in.

Others were not so understanding.

CyberGoyle:

I wouldn’t give Mohland a leftover turd dropped from my rear end after his theft. No credibility or trustworthiness at all. If you can get your coins back, take them as far away from this shitstain as you can.


CaptainPain:

We should be looking into prosecution and litigation rather then [sic] lapping this pseudo hero’s rear end. The loving nerve of this guy to steal all of our money to start his own business, expand beyond his means and then come back here like a wounded puppy dog. Had he struck it rich with our seed money do you think we would have been profit sharing? No of course not. This is about as shady as it gets, premeditated, calculated and I’m certain it’s illegal.

Jjjuuuslklklk:

Very lies, such betrayal, WOW.

Mohland has since added the option to let him keep the dogecoins he already stole or get an IOU for your vanished dogecoins some time in the future. He wrote, “I’ll have to buy them over time when I get paid, so this might take a while.” (Yesterday, dogetipbot’s cofounder posted a similar update.) And yet, some loyal shibes are even open to only getting a percentage of their dogecoins back.

Dogetipbot’s failure is also most likely the death knell for Dogecoin in general. The currency has been slowly disintegrating since vape enthusiast Alex Green—formerly Ryan Kennedy, who stole millions in customer funds in another cryptocurrency scam—pushed out the original creators and moderators for Dogecoin in a soft coup to the benefit of his new dogecoin exchange, Moolah. Moolah has since declared bankruptcy after a “hack”. Kennedy has subsequently been imprisoned for abusing and raping three women.

Now, Dogecoin will likely meet the fate of other altcoins, such as Titcoin, Zcash, or Namecoin. The greedy holders have no reason to ever divest, so the currency will be kept alive by the weird true believers in some godforsaken corner of the internet, where forgotten botnets and graphics cards mine blocks for the benefit of no one, until all the wallet passwords are finally forgotten. Though the currency began as a spoof of crypto culture, it was the same greed and delusional idiocy that has plagued more serious ventures like Bitcoin that struck the final blow.

Additional reporting by Sophie Weiner.

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Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

quote:

Ryan Francis Kennedy, the failed Dogecoin entrepreneur who stands accused of stealing more than $1 million from customers, has been charged with raping multiple women.

Kennedy, 29, faces eight counts of rape and two counts of assault by sexual penetration, the Gloucestershire Constabulary told the Daily Dot. The alleged rapes and assaults, carried out against five women, reportedly took place between 2007 and 2015.

According to the U.K.’s Bristol Post, which reported three additional alleged rapes and an additional charge of causing a woman to engage in sexual activity without consent, Kennedy pleaded not guilty to all charges on Tuesday at Gloucester Crown Court.

While the Bristol Post report does not connect Kennedy to the cryptocurrency world, multiple former employees of Kennedy’s now-defunct company, Moolah, confirmed to the Daily Dot that the man pictured in the Bristol Post was their former employer. The photo also shows facial marks that match those of the Ryan Kennedy who founded Moolah.

“In my own opinion, he is a very, very dangerous man.”
“His face is something that I don’t think I can ever forget, unfortunately,” Eoghan Hayes, a former Moolah employee, told the Daily Dot. “In my own opinion, he is a very, very dangerous man—and if the allegations held against him at the moment are true, then I truly hope he is locked away and is prevented from ever harming anyone in his trail of destruction again.”

Kennedy has gone by several aliases, including Ryan Francis and Ryan Gentle. In a now-deleted October 2014 blog post, he said he had legally changed his name from Ryan Kennedy to Alex Green, the name he went by in his dealings with the Dogecoin community. His legal name change could not be confirmed.

In 2014, using the name Alex Green, Kennedy appeared in Reddit’s r/dogecoin community, a thriving young group of users who traded a Bitcoin-like cryptocurrency that used the Doge meme as its logo.

Before Kennedy’s arrival, Dogecoin was primarily a frivolous pursuit—a currency with so little value that it was but a plaything. But through his promotion of Moolah, Kennedy urged his users to think bigger: Kennedy and other Dogecoin users paid Will Ferrell to give Dogecoin a shout out and convinced a NASCAR team to bear the Dogecoin logo on its car.

Kennedy persuaded a number of users to invest in and use Moolah, which quickly became the dominant Dogecoin exchange company. As revealed in a Daily Dot investigation, Kennedy took nearly half a million dollars in Bitcoin investments from them, promising a share of the “Pie,” his term for the company’s profits, with seemingly no heed for international securities laws.

Not only did investors not quickly grow rich, when Moolah suddenly shut down in October 2014, the company’s customers said some $1.4 million of stored funds went with it. Kennedy claimed he’d been hacked and disappeared.

When asked specifically whether Ryan Kennedy was under investigation for online financial crimes, a detective at the Avon and Somerset Constabulary’s Economic and Cyber Crime Team told the Daily Dot that he could not comment on specifics, as the case in question was still ongoing. He did say, however, that a suspect he could not name had been arrested, had made bail, and was still under investigation.

The detective, when asked about the rape charges against Kennedy, refused to name the Moolah founder but pointed the Daily Dot toward “a separate investigation that I cannot comment on as it is being run by another Police Force” at the Gloucestershire Constabulary, where officers confirmed the rape charges against Kennedy.

During Moolah’s heyday, Dogecoin was extremely popular, traded far more times a day than even Bitcoin, by far the most dominant cryptocurrency. Its value tanked after Moolah’s collapse, though, and while the r/dogecoin community is still alive, and has had a mild resurgence in January, it’s still a shadow of its former self.

Update 9:51am CT, Feb. 4: Added comment and additional details provided by a detective with the Avon and Somerset Constabulary’s Economic and Cyber Crime Team.

Additional reporting by Ned Donovan

VikingSkull
Jan 23, 2017
Look Viking you're a trash Trump supporter what the fuck makes you think you can have an avatar that isn't what I decide? Shut your fucking trap and go away. Your trolling is tiresome and just shits up the forum.

Blockade
Oct 22, 2008

I hope all of this makes it into Cool Runnings 2

Beard Dandruff
May 10, 2017

Want to win a consultation with Tiffany? Click
here.
Rape, right libertarianism, and crypto currencies go together like peanut butter and chocolate.

That Robot
Sep 16, 2004

ask me anything about robots
Buglord
There's like zero original content in the OP, Pick.

I'm disappointed in you. You can do better than that.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

That Robot posted:

There's like zero original content in the OP, Pick.

I'm disappointed in you. You can do better than that.

I know but I'm tired

big nipples big life
May 12, 2014


worth it, just for this gif

VikingSkull
Jan 23, 2017
Look Viking you're a trash Trump supporter what the fuck makes you think you can have an avatar that isn't what I decide? Shut your fucking trap and go away. Your trolling is tiresome and just shits up the forum.

big nipples big life posted:

worth it, just for this gif

dang ole junebug, ah tell ya what

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!
I think anyone can make their own bitcoin compile. They're supposed to have some exchange rate with other bitcoins which seems like it would go down instantly if they embezzle customers money. :shrug:

Beard Dandruff
May 10, 2017

Want to win a consultation with Tiffany? Click
here.

Pick posted:

I know but I'm tired

Drill another hole in your head, that should grant you a bit of extra energy.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

holy poo poo :wth:

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

Does the Doge meme equal rape apologism now

emoji
Jun 4, 2004
I got a couple million dogecoin mining for free on day two before the difficulty went up and went into the YOSPOS bitcoin mock thread and everyone was begging for them instead of mocking them. I still have over $500 worth apparently.

get that OUT of my face
Feb 10, 2007

why is every cryptocurrency named "_____coin?" i'd sooner name it "internet fun bucks"

That Robot posted:

There's like zero original content in the OP, Pick.

I'm disappointed in you. You can do better than that.
can she, though?

Sophy Wackles
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.





ClamdestineBoyster posted:

I think anyone can make their own bitcoin compile. They're supposed to have some exchange rate with other bitcoins which seems like it would go down instantly if they embezzle customers money. :shrug:

Yeah I think people basically start their own bitcoin offshoot, mine half the float for themselves then release it publicly and pump and dump to make some quick money. Seems highly illegal but there are probably no laws against it at this point (?)

FlimFlam Imam
Mar 1, 2007

Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams
First Pepe, now Dogecoin. These are truly the darkest of days.

a bone to pick
Sep 14, 2011

by FactsAreUseless

hahahaha :cawg:


:stonk:

Khorne
May 1, 2002
Why would he not just take a 1% transaction fee? Hello idiot, I've solved your dilemma of free things not making money.

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 10 years!

Pawn 17 posted:

Yeah I think people basically start their own bitcoin offshoot, mine half the float for themselves then release it publicly and pump and dump to make some quick money. Seems highly illegal but there are probably no laws against it at this point (?)

Nah because you can go to Disneyland and buy Disney dollars and spend them in the park.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

Khorne posted:

Why would he not just take a 1% transaction fee? Hello idiot, I've solved your dilemma of free things not making money.

but the dream

new phone who dis
May 24, 2007

by VideoGames
Morbid Hound
I was just thinking to myself that crypto currency didn't have enough rape in the community.

Beard Dandruff
May 10, 2017

Want to win a consultation with Tiffany? Click
here.

new phone who dis posted:

I was just thinking to myself that crypto currency didn't have enough rape in the community.

You can never have enough rape in any community.

emoji
Jun 4, 2004
Once I saw a bitcoin ATM at a bar and went over to take a pic to send to someone bc it was funny and some 50yo scruffy guy emerged from the shadows and tried to talk to me about computers, which normally I would be all about but he seemed rapey.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
that literally cannot end well

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

Neo Rasa posted:

To justify the revolutionary usefulness of Bitcoin and how it is the future of currency and indeed of human society, someone posted a long shitthatdidnthappen.txt story that involved them getting stranded in the middle of nowhere in Brazil wherein he was able to return to his home country via paying someone with Bitcoin.

But even though this was clearly a 100% shitthatdidnthappen.txt tale (the locations he describes walking to are nowhere near each other) he felt the need to include how he was unreasonably kicked out of the hosting family's home all because in his sexual inexperience and ignorance of female anatomy his seeing naked people caused him to ejaculate on the family's youngest daughter while she was sleeping. Miraculously this family that supposedly lives a four hour drive from any other people just asks him to leave instead of burying him right there so he's able to walk an absurd distance and eventually is able to get money in his hands via Bitcoin.

Can a goon with search find the entire post? It's actually a very informative read into the mindset of the kind of person who loves Bitcoin. Like it's a perfect survey course of "this is a Bitcoin aficionado" when you get an idea of what they would consider a cool or interesting story that shows how resourceful they are.

Secular Humanist
Mar 1, 2016

by Smythe
why can't metroid crawl?

Beard Dandruff
May 10, 2017

Want to win a consultation with Tiffany? Click
here.
Imagine how amazing it must be to have a hands free orgasm every time you see some exposed lady bits?

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

:stare: I have to see that post

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

After 10 min of googling various permutations of brazil bitcoin ejaculate walk, etc, I have found it.

aneves posted:

*I made a new account to segregate it from my identifiable one.*

This story happened to me during the summer of 2012. I was a 23 year old French developer who just got out of engineering school. I had found a job at a large German automotive company, and was expected to start working in September in Munich.

For the last few months, I had been talking on IRC with a Brazilian girl, my age, named Maria-Teresa. She was studying arts at the UFPA university in Belém, and planned to go to Europe the year after to visit historical sites in Italy, Greece and France. We were flirting a little during those chat sessions, and she invited me to come and visit her during her two weeks vacation in July. Her family lived in Pracuúba, a small town in the Northernmost province of Brazil.

I happened to have bought 2000€ worth of bitcoins in February after I earned my first salary as an intern, which amounted to a bit more than 600 BTC at this time. I didn't have enough money in my bank account alone to pay for the plane tickets, so I sold back 250 BTC for 1500€ to cover the rest.

The flights went well, even though it was a bit long to go from Paris to São Paulo, from São Paulo to Belém, from Belém to Macapá, and from Macapá to Porto Grande. From there I took a bus to Pracuúba, and I arrived there around 9PM, 38 hours after having left Paris. Despite it being the winter there, it was much hoter than under Paris summer.

Pracuúba could not be more different from what I had expected. In France, many small towns with less than 1000 inhabitants have a very lively and vivid village life. With its 2500 registered inhabitants, Pracuúba was pretty much a ghost town, with nobody to be seen around. Maybe I should have checked Wikipedia more carefully, I would have noticed that the population density was around one person per square mile. When you realize that the average household size is 6 people, you can imagine that houses can be far away from each other.

Fortunately, a cellular network was available, and I could reach Maria-Teresa. She explained to me that she was not sure I was really coming, and that his brother would come and give me a ride to their place.

Half an hour later, an antic pickup truck arrived with a thirty something man behind the wheel. He stopped the car abruptly just in front of me, and when I went to open the passenger door, he just showed me the rear cargo area. I was quite surprised, but climbed into it and we left on the dirty roads. 10 miles later, I was already covered in dust when we stopped before a medium size wooden house. I jumped off the car and followed the driver inside.

In the main room, dimly lit, four people were seated. Maria-Teresa was one of them and she greeted me with a big hug, and introduced me to her parents, to her 15 year old sister Manuela, and to her brother, my driver, João Paulo. The introduction lasted only a short instant because none of them spoke French or English, and I did not know a word of Portuguese.

Right after, while I was hoping to get offered something to eat, the father uttered some order and Maria-Teresa explained to me that they were all going to bed. The parents went into their room, while I wondered if the four of us had to fit in the bunk bed that I could see in a corner of the room.

Maria-Teresa told me that when she comes back during her vacation, she uses to sleep with Manuela in the lower bed while João Paulo sleeps in the upper one. However, since I was here, we would share the lower bed while Manuela would join her brother.

I asked about the bathroom. Maria-Teresa told me that it was located in their parents room and that I would have to go outside or wait until the morning. I went out and peed on a tree 100 feet away. When I came back, the light had been switched off, but with the pale moon light coming through the window I was able to distinguish a nude muscular male body as João Paulo was washing himself from the kitchen sink while the sisters talked together.

Maria-Teresa told me I could freshen up if I wished. I waited until the brother, apparently still nude, climbed into his bed, and I went to the sink. From there, the rest of the room looked pitch black, and I decided not to care and undressed completely. I used a towel from my luggage to clean myself up, trying to water half of it while keeping the other half dry.

As I put on some boxer shorts, the younger sister came to the sink and started undressing as if I was not there. The partial obscurity did not hide the fact that she was wearing nothing but her dress, and she was done washing before I went to my luggage to store my dirty laundry. She then climbed into the upper bed, and I could hear her talk briefly to her brother.

I put myself under the sheets while Maria-Teresa went to the sink. As everyone, she proceeded to get naked, although she was wearing underwear, and I watched her while getting anxious about what would happen next. I was relieved when I saw her pick up a shirt long enough to cover her intimate parts. Life in the city may have made her more prude than the rest of her family.

She joined me into the bed, and for the first time since I arrived we could talk, while trying not to disturb her siblings. She asked me how the trip went, she told me she was happy I could come, and that she should have warned me that there weren't really any nightlife in her parents place. She promised to show me around the next morning and wished me good night.

Thanks to the jet lag, I slept very well. I woke up by the sound of the bed ladder; the brother was getting up, naked, with a morning erection he did not try to hide. He started making coffee, when Maria-Teresa opened her eyes. She said something to him, to which he responded. I asked her what she just said, and she had ensured that there would be enough coffee for me too.

Manuela then went down her bed. This time, I had a good look at her while she climbed done. She had small breasts, the hair covering her sex was very sparse and dark. She took her dress and went into her parents room. When she came back a minute later, she had put the dress on, and João Paulo, still half erect, dressed as well and poured the coffee into four cups.

Maria-Teresa got up. Still lying in the bed, I could not help looking under her shirt as she did so. This was the first time I had a glimpse at a real shaved sex. I only had had one sexual encounter at this time, and I can still remember the pubic hair getting in my way. This reinforced my morning wood, and I was wondering how I would get up when she told me to get up and eat my breakfast. I asked when her parents would wake up, and she told me that they already left when the sun rose to go sell their fruits to the market. Relieved, I reached to my luggage, got a pant and a shirt, and went to the bathroom with my clothes in front of me trying to cover my erection.

At this stage, I was very lost. I had come from France to the middle of nowhere to meet a girl I didn't know, and had landed into a family whose customs were unknown to me. Was it appropriate to look at each other while naked? Was it appropriate to be naked? Would it be possible to get involved in a romantic relationship with Maria-Teresa? I decided that I could not do anything about it but talk with Marie-Teresa when we get a chance, and went back to the main room. The bananas and another fruit I could not name were delicious.

João Paulo brought us to the city. The two sisters and I climbed into the cargo area, and Maria-Teresa told me there would be many people there because of the market. When we arrived, eight merchants, including her two parents, were selling fruits and vegetables to a dozen of customers. Also, the community center was open, and after a 20 minute wait I was able to access the only computer connected to the Internet. It was using an antique version of Internet Explorer, but it was enough to send a short mail to family to assure them that everything was ok, even though I had to use the HTML only version of gmail.

Maria-Teresa took me for a walk around the village. We seemed to be getting along, and she took my hand. We spent most of the day talking about her studies, my job, her being anxious to get to Europe. We had lunch in a tiny house where a woman talking loudly was cooking, and Maria-Teresa payed for both of us. We walked for the rest of the afternoon, resting from time to time under the shadow of a tree, getting a little bit closer from each other, then we walked back to the city.

On the path, João Paulo was waiting for us. He started to yell at Maria-Teresa, and they fought for more than 10 minutes, with me trying to ask Maria-Teresa what was happening. We went back to the car where Manuela was waiting, and during the ride back she explained that her brother had always acted jealous towards her and that he made a scene because we spent too much time alone together.

The night meal was pleasant, with her mother trying to communicate with me. Maria-Teresa spent the diner translating as much as possible while eating, and her father showed me on a map the countries where he would have wanted to go: Portugal, Angola, Cap-Vert. The mother then did the dishes while the father smoked a hand-made cigar, and it was time to go to sleep again.

However, Maria-Teresa told me that there would be a small change of accommodations. Her brother did not want her to sleep in the same bed as me any longer, so I was to sleep near her sister instead if it was ok with me. I was disappointed because I had hoped we could chat some more, but I convinced myself that this was not a big deal and that tomorrow was another day.

João Paulo turned off the light, the room went dim as the night before, and he undressed, washed, and got to bed. It was then my turn, and after freshening up, I put clean boxer shorts and went to bed. Maria-Teresa put a shirt, and waited for her sister to finish washing. When Manuela came to the bed, still naked, Maria-Teresa talked to her and they got into an argument. I seemed to understand that Maria-Teresa told her to wear something while Manuela pretexted that she had no shirt around, showing the parents room where the closet was with her hand. Maria-Teresa seemed to have the last word, in that she climbed into the upper bed, giving me once again a clear view of her intimacy, and she threw the shirt she was wearing to her sister.

Manuela took the shirt, put in on, and went into the bed on my side. After less than a minute, I felt her move as she was getting rid of the shirt, which she wasn't used to wear while sleeping apparently.

I spent an horrible night. While I was not interested in Manuela at all, I could not help having a giant erection imagining her nude behind my back. Every time I moved a little, the shorts over my dick were making me even more excited. I could feel the bed shake lightly, and I could not tell whether one of the siblings was masturbating, maybe ten centimeters away from me, or if I was myself slowly making the bed move by rubbing my shorts against the bed.

At this point, my only priority was not to come, as I would have been very embarrassed if that happened. I did the only thing I could think of, I put my shorts off, throw them onto the ground over Manuela, removed the sheet off myself and Manuela, and lied onto my back so that nothing touches my erect dick anymore. Manuela, who was either not sleeping or got woken up, turned around and looked at me, then at my dick. She did not look surprised nor shocked, and she simply closed her eyes, lying naked on her back.

I could finally get to sleep, but woke up in the middle of the night and tried to assess the current situation. While sleeping, Manuela had turned towards me and on her tummy, her head looking away from me. Her right hand lied on my leg, my flaccid sex touching her arm. My own hand was trapped under her body, and I could feel her public hair on the back of my hand. I got an instant erection, which had the immediate and beneficial side effect of separating my sex from her arm, and started to slowly withdraw my hand from under her. As I did so, I felt the back of my middle finger going on top of her labia, and probably her clitoris. Finally, I managed to pull my hand completely, and confirmed what I felt by smelling my finger.

This was too much for me. Since everyone was sleeping, I started to masturbate very slowly to prevent the bed from moving. It looks like I was not discreet enough as Manuela turned her body towards me as I was nearing the end. I had planned to contain my ejaculation with my other hand, but seeing her looking at me was such as surprise that I ended up ejaculating all over my chest and also over hers. It was so powerful a feeling that I could not let it go and gave it a few more strikes while looking at her stupidly.

Without a word, or even a strange look, she got up and turned the sink faucet on to water a towel. She cleaned up herself while walking back to the bed, then handed me the towel. I cleaned myself while she looked at me doing it, then she brought the towel back. Maria-Teresa asked her something and she answered, then went back to bed. Without a smile, without an angry look, she closed her eyes while turned towards me and my still erect member.

I woke up the next morning when Manuela got out of bed. Her parents, fully dressed, were silently seated at the table and looking into our direction. As the day before, she took her dress from the floor and walked to the parents bedroom, while I unsuccessfully looked for the sheet to cover myself. As Maria-Teresa climbed off the ladder, I forced myself not to look too long to their shaved pussy, even though it looked like the parents would not care. As she was picking up the shirt to cover herself, she noticed that I was naked myself and let the shirt go. She came to me and kissed me hello, and said that she feared that I was shocked by their nudity and that she is happy that I'm not, because it is much too hot to sleep with clothes.

I did not know what to answer, especially when I didn't know what her sister would tell or not. Apparently, she did not tell much before we went out for a ride to the river with the parents and both sisters, and we spent an excellent day. Marie-Teresa, Manuela, and I, spent most of the day bathing nude in the river, while the parents seated around. Some physical contacts gave me light erections, but nobody seemed to care.

I was starting to feel that this was a very good trip, until we got home. João Paulo was waiting for us, visibly angry, with a towel in hand. I recognized it immediately. It was the towel Manuela and I used to clean ourselves during the night. He smelled the towel, shouted something at Manuela who shouted something back and started to sob. He threw the towel to Maria-Teresa, who also smelled it, and then she turned to me. I knew it could not be good.

She asked me how her sister towel could smell like sperm. She told me that her sister was a virgin, and that I had dishonored her family, and that now I have to marry Manuela. I tried to explain that I did not sleep with her sister, that I had never even touched her, but apparently she did not believe me, nor were her parents for whom she translated what I said. I explained that I had an accident and that I used the towel to clear it up, but she started yelling at me saying that she did not believe me.

Then the unexpected happened. The mother shouted an order to Manuela, who got undressed, still sobbing, and climbed onto the kitchen table, legs spread out. The mother then went to check that her daughter was still a virgin. The father, still saying nothing, also checked when the mother called him, then the brother, then Maria-Teresa.

Maria-Teresa seemed to calm down a little, then explained to me that I could not be trusted. I had to go, now. The father, apparently understanding the conversation, came to me and pushed me to the door. I shouted that I needed my suitcase, with my papers, my plane tickets, and my clothes, but Maria-Teresa yelled at me and told me that I must go. Now.

This is how I ended up walking in the direction of the city. I reached it in the middle of the night, and slept in front of the community center, hoping that nothing would happen to me until the sun rose. The operator found me seated at the door when he arrived. He was a rather nice guy who spoke a few English words. I asked him where I could do a Western Union transfer, he had never heard of it. I looked it up on the Internet, and it appears that there is no way to do a money transfer in this deserted area.

I sent a mail to my parents asking them for advice, but it was the middle of the night in France, so I was stuck here, and I wanted to move before the family comes to town and tells everybody what happened, as I didn't want an angry mob against me. So it struck me: French Guiana, a province of France, was only 200 miles away. If I could go there, I could probably get money transferred to me much more easily, and I could probably arrange a flight back to Paris.

I was able to install an IRC client on the community center computer, and talk with some strangers located in Cayenne, the prefecture of French Guiana. They all told me that I was out of luck for two reasons: I had no chance to be able to travel with no money, and I had no chance to be able to cross the border without papers, since they fight very hard against illegal immigration. One guy contacted me privately, and told me that he knew someone who could help me reach French Guiana, but that this necessitated money. I proposed to initiate a international money wire and to have him trust me that it will arrive, but he answered that not only he didn't know me and could not trust me, but also that he didn't want to let a financial trail.

Then it struck me: bitcoins. I told him to wait, while I checked how much the 350 BTC I still had were worth. I could have cried when I looked at the exchange rate and saw that it was 7.28€/BTC, and that I had the equivalent of 2500€ (approximately $3300) to get out of this mess. I went back to the guy and asked him if he could accept 2500€ worth of bitcoins. He didn't know about it, and I tried to explain, but he was not interested. I asked him to wait again as I checked on another IRC channel if I could find someone interested in the transaction. One person, with a good online reputation, was willing to do it if I sent the bitcoins first, and could deliver 2000€ in cash to anyone in Cayenne. After negotiating a bit, I could setup the deal, send the bitcoins, and have the cash brought to the guy.

This was a real risk, as this could be a scam, and a bitcoin transaction cannot be reversed. Fortunately, both guys were honest, at least as far as our deal is concerned. Eight hours later, that I spent in the community center, a SUV came to pick me up. It happened that the guy was a French cop, apparently used to doing dirty jobs, and he was very nice. When we reached the border, he had me hide under a blanket, while he gave some cash to both the Brazilian and the French customs and police officers. We reached Cayenne in the middle of the night, and he dropped me in front of the main Cayenne police station. He explained to me that I had nothing to fear because even though I entered the country illegally, I had every right to be here as I was French.

Indeed, I told the police that I was visiting Brazil when I got mugged at gunpoint near the French Guiana border, and that someone I don't know anything about helped me cross the border. They checked my identity, made some temporary identity and travel documents so that I could board a plane to France, and directed me to a bank where I could get some emergency money transferred from my parents French bank account, at the cost of extravagant fees.

End of story, I was able to sleep in an hotel and take a plane two days later. When I came back to Paris, I told my parents that I had met a crazy family and that I got mugged and had no way to join them or the host family. I haven't told them about the bitcoins, I pretended later to have lost them all in a scam, but really: the bitcoins saved my life.

I love bitcoins.

**tl;dr found myself lost abroad in the middle of nowhere with nothing but an internet connection after a rather strange family story, and bitcoins probably saved my life**

e:
what the gently caress

a bone to pick
Sep 14, 2011

by FactsAreUseless
I remember that post from a few years ago, I think its one of those stories that are too crazy to be fictional.

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

I'm still reading it. It's so long. Why is it so long!??

Lawrence Gilchrist
Mar 31, 2010

bitcoin was always only ever a laundering scheme for and by criminals. if a man who raised a quarter of a billion dollars in venture capital to make a machine that does less than nothing can be out and about, it's clear "satoshi nakamoto" is RICO-squeezed mobsters trying something new

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
:stonk:

big nipples big life
May 12, 2014

what the loving gently caress

ArtIsResistance
May 19, 2007

QUEEN OF FRANCE, SAVIOR OF LOWTAX
Doge is the 2nd funniest cute thing that makes goons mad

The 1st is being a woman

big nipples big life
May 12, 2014

no, seriously, what the actual loving gently caress was that?

Mega64
May 23, 2008

I took the octopath less travelered,

And it made one-eighth the difference.
I'm glad and/or horrified that guy felt the need to share that story.

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

mods please change thread title to The First Glimpse At A Real Shaved Sex

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a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

Also from the story I don't think he necessarily walked the 200 miles, more likely he hitched various rides and in general felt that the actual journey he took that was relevant to Bitcoin was far, far less important than 31 paragraphs about how he fingered and jacked off onto a 15 year old girl.

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