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"I'm not going to police my child's sex life." says the millennial parent, letting his teenage son gently caress girls in the house. *Son gets girl pregnant, she moves in with them and the couple contribute nothing in the household* *15 years later* "I'm not going to police my grandchild's sex life."
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May 25, 2017 16:59
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It takes a village of Lazy millennials to raise a Pnurtis.
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May 25, 2017 18:10
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"Now that you're sixteen you're old enough to handle more mature toys" *Hands son anatomically correct My Little Pony plushie"
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May 25, 2017 19:23
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Son's first word is 'Cuck'
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May 25, 2017 20:53
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 "MASON! "
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May 25, 2017 21:39
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Instead of calling 911 when their child is having a seizure, vigorously rubs cannabis oil on the soles of their feet while recording their child being in agony to promote their YouTube channel.
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May 25, 2017 21:52
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*Coaches son's Minecraft League, gets mercilessly bullied by Little League coach neighbor* "It's ok kids his Chad brain is only big enough for sportsball anyway. After the game we'll all go out for Gelato.
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May 25, 2017 23:07
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*Sees son playing with NES controller* "Glim-Glim you put that down RIGHT NOW. You have NO IDEA what you are dealing with that. You'll ruin the rocker switches! All right, that's it, time for punishment. Bend over." *Glim-Glim bends over meekly* "NOW LISTEN TO THIS TWENTY MINUTE PODCAST ABOUT RESPECTING BOUNDARIES AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" *places smartphone on ground, Glim-Glim sobs quietly*
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May 25, 2017 23:41
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*Plays Contra together* "Daaaaaad, stop stealing my lives and bogging me down in the waterfall level. Just because you suck doesn't mean I should have to prop you up. "  " Son, welcome to the Republican Party! "
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May 26, 2017 00:04
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If your sons ELO is in some trash 2200 bracket in Overwatch you should just kill yourself in shame.
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May 26, 2017 03:27
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54 40 or gently caress posted:So excited for Amberlynn's first birthday, hope you can make it! I attached a link to the amazon wish list, please do not deviate from it as any toys not on the list will be returned! "Yeah well good luck returning these knockoff Bratz dolls I got at the flea market last week lol"
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May 26, 2017 13:38
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UncleMoeLester posted:Does anyone have a wikiHow article on how to change a babies daiper? You're better off signing up for Diapr, the convenient app that sends a diaper changing expert to your house to take care of that.
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May 26, 2017 19:20
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"Come on girls, we need to get ready for school! Taylor, Madison, Polk, McKinley, get your stuff we're leaving. Agnew! What did I tell you, young man? You march yourself right back in that room and put on your utilikilt! No son of mine is wearing pants to school. " " But moooom, Pnurtis always gets to wear pants to Fidget Spinner practice! How mom lets him!" "And Pnurtis's mother spends her whole time at the Minecraft meets chugging box wine she hides in cartons of almond milk. So I don't care what she lets Pnurtis do. Get in your utilikilt, our Uber isn't going to wait all day."
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May 29, 2017 18:04
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Ask Alexa to play baby music and it'll literally play lullaby covers of top 50 hits.
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May 29, 2017 18:41
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Outrail posted:Is this real life serious? I can't tell. Yeah. I was at my brother's house and his Amazon Echo was playing a lullaby whose melody was a slow-tempo tinkly version of Lady Gaga's 'Pokerface'. Some love ballads work well as a lullaby melody, like John Legend's 'All of me'. Others are a little disturbing if you already know the lyrics, like Hozier's Take me to Church' 
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May 29, 2017 19:16
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sick tats brah posted:"Hey, Kylo. How you doing, bud? Dad's just gonna pop out for some American Spirits. You...you be a good boy, okay? Be good for your mom. I'll see you guys later."  "Dad went out for smokes 20 years ago...I'm still waiting for him to come back..."*Father of Mine by Everclear plays in the background*
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May 29, 2017 20:07
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54 40 or gently caress posted:Excuse you but Pnurtis is going to Regionals with that spinner. We bought an artisanal spinner off Etsy for $320 but can you really put a price on your child's whimsy? *muttering passive aggressively to herself* "Keep choking down that alcopop you call a Moscato bougie bitch... " "Agnew come on, I didn't spend $400 on fidget spinner tutoring so you could touch yourself under your utilikilt! You can scratch yourself during half time!" " Ref, do you see what Pnurtis is getting away with? Am I going to have to talk to the Superintendent again?! "
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May 29, 2017 22:42
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*Dresses up child as Homestuck character for Halloween*
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May 29, 2017 23:39
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Quidam Viator posted:*Puts 0-6 month old baby into a series of containers and slings* 
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May 30, 2017 01:00
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Makes me wonder if there's a whole generation of crippled people inbound due to all this attachment parenting.
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May 30, 2017 03:13
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*CV includes sucking on moms breast and an AA in Monty Python quotes*
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May 30, 2017 03:31
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Is the whole bonsai baby practice really all that new? There are plenty of cultures that lug kids around in slings and those kids don't necessarily end up as paraplegics.
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May 30, 2017 16:59
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*Bereaved relatives spend several weeks hauling out the scented candle hoard from the attic*
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May 30, 2017 18:02
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phasmid posted:*breaks in to your home and kills you before debating whether to smother the seed or give it to a pack of wolves, perchance to be raised feral* You can't kill what's already been dead inside.
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May 30, 2017 20:31
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Everyone knows millennials are lazy, and parenting is a ton of work, so it comes to no surprise that a millennial parent is going to stuff their little Wholock in a flowerpot for 22 hours a day.
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May 31, 2017 00:02
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Literally A Person posted:but talk incessantly about how good of a parent they are. It's the inverse effect. Women who like to go on about what a good mom they are tend to be terrible, and women that beat themselves up about being a bad mom are decent to good, because being a good parent requires you be at least self aware of your shortcomings and work to improve.
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May 31, 2017 00:41
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Return Of JimmyJars posted:Lol this is my wife. They even have a thing where they caw at eachother in whole foods. We also have a stroller that was more expensive than my first car. I see homeless people carrying their possessions in jogging strollers that are still in decent shape, I simply do not understand why people are willingly buying them for $1,000. I mean hell, just buy one secondhand and lowball them by offering $30 for it used.
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May 31, 2017 16:54
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54 40 or gently caress posted:Then Mother Nature will rule with her children and all will be well And somehow you'll still be unable to figure out how to get that drat baby sling to work 
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Jun 2, 2017 13:38
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The claim is that babies raised this way get toilet trained much faster/easier. Though I have no idea if that is true or not. I know that before a certain age kids can't even physically hold it so thinking you can train your ten month old to crawl into the human litter box in the laundry room to poop seems dubious.
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Jun 3, 2017 16:48
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