ITT We are new Millenial parents

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > ITT We are new Millenial parents

Sic Semper Goon: Mar 1, 2015; Eu tu?; Switchblade Switcharoo

Dely Apple posted:

If every thing on Lakynns first trip to Disneyland at 3 months isn't right and perfect and blessed it will be a huge embarrassing situation on social media!!

*Tries to sue Disneyland when it rains on that day, after spending a hour screaming at the teenaged attendant about how they will do so.*

*Seems genuinely unaware(&) of the irony of calling other people "rude" when they try to respond.*

& = Egotistical and self-serving to the point of solipsism.

Sic Semper Goon fucked around with this message at 03:47 on May 13, 2017

# ¿ May 13, 2017 03:45

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 12:13

Sic Semper Goon: Mar 1, 2015; Eu tu?; Switchblade Switcharoo

Tato posted:

*plays WoW all day with his wife in a dirty, dilapidated trailer*

*CPS eventually takes his kid away*

*Five months later* Hey babe, didn't we have a kid or something?

*Posts in E/N about suing the state.*

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3499987

# ¿ May 13, 2017 03:46

Sic Semper Goon: Mar 1, 2015; Eu tu?; Switchblade Switcharoo

Orkin Mang posted:

i never loved you. i thought i did. and maybe i did, once. were different people now. ive done a lot of things i regret. i thought things would turn out differently. thats life, isnt it. we dont always get what we want. ill always care about you

You've outlived your usefulness, and I certainly knew that this marriage was a means to an end, that has served its purpose. Goodbye.

# ¿ May 13, 2017 05:44

Sic Semper Goon: Mar 1, 2015; Eu tu?; Switchblade Switcharoo

Orkin Mang posted:

milenials say stuff like 'legit' and 'hundred percent' (means they agree)

They also use half-words like "adorb" and "whatev", which confused me on my infrequent expeditions outside my goon hovel.

# ¿ May 13, 2017 06:09

Sic Semper Goon: Mar 1, 2015; Eu tu?; Switchblade Switcharoo

spud posted:

You missed the "posts on SA for advice" part

Scroll up, stupid.

# ¿ May 13, 2017 08:33

Sic Semper Goon: Mar 1, 2015; Eu tu?; Switchblade Switcharoo

*Pre-emptively places son in prison at birth, as he well might be a rapist/misogynist later on.*

Sic Semper Goon fucked around with this message at 04:03 on May 14, 2017

# ¿ May 14, 2017 01:14

Sic Semper Goon: Mar 1, 2015; Eu tu?; Switchblade Switcharoo

*Has melodramatic tantrum and casts son/daughter into exile when they reveal that they aren't homosexual.*

# ¿ May 14, 2017 01:54

Sic Semper Goon: Mar 1, 2015; Eu tu?; Switchblade Switcharoo

BLARGHLE posted:

You laugh, but that's literally how one of my friends is raising his poo poo kids. They're loving awful, spend all of their time with some kind of screen in front of their face, and are actively discouraged from doing anything sport-like. Their only reading materials are comic books and video game dialogue.
The older one was getting bullied for being a giant loving pussy (he's the pussiest pussy to ever puss a puss- can only eat bland food, scared of everything, gets picked on by his 5 year old brother, just awful), and my friend insisted his kid do everything except stand up for himself. Run and find a teacher, cower in a corner, loving whatever doesn't result in a confrontation. It's weird, because we were active and weren't bullied in school, but now it's like all aspects of manhood have become anathema to them.

He's in his mid-30s, and his older kid is almost 10, so it's not strictly a new millennial thing. It's bad, but it's a very good case study in how not to raise children.

On the plus side, the kids will learn the cardinal rule of schools/prisons when they call on a teacher for help: Snitches get stitches.

# ¿ May 20, 2017 08:51

Sic Semper Goon: Mar 1, 2015; Eu tu?; Switchblade Switcharoo

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Sorry we're vegan and gluten free so my little isn't allowed to have pizza at the birthday party. I packed him a cheeseless, cauliflower crust personal pizza to have while the other kids eat their pizza

My yuppie cousin actually did this, except it was a gluten-free cake instead.

He is also part of the anti-vax squad, as all yuppie Australian city dwellers must.

EDIT: Oddly, a trait they share with our Centrelink-dwelling bogans.

Sic Semper Goon fucked around with this message at 13:15 on May 25, 2017

# ¿ May 25, 2017 13:13

Sic Semper Goon: Mar 1, 2015; Eu tu?; Switchblade Switcharoo

54 40 or gently caress posted:

Of all the poo poo that stupid parents do, I draw the absolute line at anti-vaxxers. Like I am laughing because I can identify with a handful of the stuff posted here but my kid is getting his first round of shots right on time. You could unschool your vegan toddler with minimal screen time and share it all on their personal instagram but vaccinate your goddamn children.

Yeah, but Facebook tells me otherwise, so STFU. :colbert:

That Zuckerberg's got a lot to answer for, although the same thing could have happened if MySpace was still king, I suppose.

# ¿ May 26, 2017 02:35

Sic Semper Goon: Mar 1, 2015; Eu tu?; Switchblade Switcharoo

Tyson Tomko posted:

I worked with a lady named Jhahnisse today (Janice)

I also have a coworker who just had a kid and named HIM Rubee. He was legit upset his wife wouldn't let him pick Rupee.

Personally, I want the whole "unique" name fad to begin again, from classical times.

Tiberius or Aelia?

# ¿ May 26, 2017 04:11

Sic Semper Goon: Mar 1, 2015; Eu tu?; Switchblade Switcharoo

Naerasa posted:

Please, a modern millenial would update that antiquated spelling to Kane.

Kaynee.

# ¿ May 27, 2017 00:45

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 12:13

Sic Semper Goon: Mar 1, 2015; Eu tu?; Switchblade Switcharoo

Command Ant posted:

*is a feminist blogger*

*heaps scorn and guilt onto son daily*

*son attempts suicide*

*writes blog about it*

*Is only appeased when son undergoes sex change, although is secretly in contempt for what she regards as a inferior pseudo-woman.*

# ¿ May 27, 2017 05:51

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