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The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > ITT We are new Millenial parents
 
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bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

 "Oh yeah, I scheduled Lukkas's first chiropractor appointment, they're going to do his first spinal adjustment! :)"

"We don't do vaccines in my household."

* # ¿ May 12, 2017 17:11
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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 15:16
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bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

 *mom gets involved in MLM and shills on facebook multiple times a day*

* # ¿ May 12, 2017 17:20
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bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

 *starts a Mommy Blog*

* # ¿ May 12, 2017 17:26
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bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

Yug posted:

There's already the single mother thread for this.

....................../´¯/)
....................,/¯../
.................../..../
............./´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸
........../'/.../..../......./¨¯\
........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.·´
............\..............(
..............\.............\...

* # ¿ May 12, 2017 17:29
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bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

Dollas posted:

*sets facebook employment info to 'is a full time stay at home mommy'*
* # ¿ May 12, 2017 17:32
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bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

walgreenslatino posted:

*doesnt realize he's a millennial*

*whines about slightly younger millennials in 30th consecutive GBS thread*

durrrrrr

* # ¿ May 13, 2017 13:54
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bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

 *refuses epidural*

*screams bloody murder for epidural 2 minutes into labor*

* # ¿ May 13, 2017 16:08
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bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

gnarlyhotep posted:

did anybody say

duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

yet?

Only when I read your posts

* # ¿ May 15, 2017 16:51
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bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

 "Honey, we better remodel the basement. After all, little Jai'dan will be living with us until he's 35!"

* # ¿ May 25, 2017 12:32
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bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

 *thinks that carefully choosing a school district to move to will have any meaningful impact on the education of the child*

* # ¿ May 25, 2017 22:48
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bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

* # ¿ May 25, 2017 23:34
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bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

Rutibex posted:

i just got one of these for dear little Hayden, for the vitamins


:eyepop:

* # ¿ May 25, 2017 23:53
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bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

Quidam Viator posted:

gently caress NO.

I'm a licensed massage therapist who works mostly on adults, but took a serious course in helping these loving bonsai babies that people are raising.

If you were like... an actual parent of a baby, and paid attention to the poor fucker, you'd do stuff like "tummy time", where you encourage this like 0-4 month old baby to learn how to roll on its side, and then on its stomach, so it can like... loving LIVE and poo poo.

Everyone's been talking about people carrying babies around in slings, putting them in those loving bouncy things, gently caress, strapping the fucker in to a car carrier inside the house, so you can dick around with your friends on instagram, right? We call those "container babies" and their parents are so loving clueless, that if I don't come in and help the fuckers GET ON THE FLOOR, put down the phone, and loving work with their kid to learn basic locomotion, the kid will be massively developmentally delayed.

It's loving embarrassing. A baby has to learn how to move their arms and legs in order to roll themselves over, to sit up, to get on their side or back onto their back, which is comfort zone, and because these dipshits are strapping their kids to loving plastic, the kid never learns it. Then a doctor or child protective services refers them to me because I have this licensed specialty.

Yeah, so some of us are middle-aged computer janitors, others of us are middle-aged people janitors.

I mostly teach the parents what it's like to learn how to move from scratch, then guide them in getting their baby to do it. It's like 20% of my practice, and I'm trying not to let it take over too much more because as rewarding as it is to literally make it possible for a baby to live without intervention, it's too loving emotionally draining to deal with parents who don't give a gently caress about their kids.

EDIT:


EXACTLY. This guy gets it. I'm the loving people-janitor that comes in and teaches that kid to crawl because that dog-rear end drag is loving EMBARRASSING.

holy poo poo

* # ¿ May 30, 2017 12:19
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bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

Panfilo posted:

Is the whole bonsai baby practice really all that new? There are plenty of cultures that lug kids around in slings and those kids don't necessarily end up as paraplegics.

Probably because those people know when to stop treating their child as if it's a live ragdoll and let the child learn to move on its own

* # ¿ May 30, 2017 16:59
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bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

 thisthread.jpg
* # ¿ May 31, 2017 16:27
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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 15:16
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bradzilla
Oct 15, 2004

Space Taxi posted:

*Facebook goes down*

*Doesn't bother to change the baby's clothes for a week*

*gets an Instagram account instead*

#baby #babypic #babybeingbaby #babiesofinstagram #poopies #huggiesdiapers #mommy #supermommy #thisisgoingonmymommyblog

* # ¿ Jun 4, 2017 13:04
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The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > ITT We are new Millenial parents