How to not lose your wealthy husband - LP Sting of the Wasp

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Dancer: May 23, 2011

Oh, the life of the rich and beautiful can be so difficult... How can one be expected to remain faithful when one's daily existence is so stressful (and one's husband so boring)? Just a little affair on the side won't hurt anyone...

quote:

"Oh, Julia! Where did you learn that?" Keith whispers breathlessly.

All tongue and fingers, he kisses the milky skin above your breasts, while your hands slide their way up and down his sculpted chest, so eager with lust that your watch occasionally snags on a stray chest hair. Your lips, glistening like two fresh strawberries laced with dew, hungrily roam across his neck. And your hips! Well, that's better left to the imagination.

Normally, you wouldn't even consider seeing Keith at Pine Meadows, but Frank's in Boston and won't be back until tonight's banquet. And when the cat's away...

Just then, a low shelf wedges itself in to your back, jarring you from your reverie. That's when you hear it.

A click. A flash. The tell-tale tapping of heels on concrete.

Sting of the Wasp
Interactive Damage-Control
by Jason Devlin.
(First time players should type ABOUT)
Release 1 / Serial number 040622 / Inform v6.30 Library 6/11

The next few minutes are a blur. Keith juts his tongue down your throat, but, without you reciprocating, it feels like he's searching for cavities. The rhythms of your body no longer coincide with his. In fact, the only rhythm left in your body is the pounding of your heart, the warm throbbing of blood in your ears. He must notice your discomfort as soon he backs off and starts buttoning his shirt.

"Well, I gotta get back to the Pro Shop, babe," he says, grabbing his shades. "Stop by later." With that, he takes off down the hall, leaving you, still stunned, slumped against the wall.

Sting of the Wasp is a short interactive fiction game from 2004 by Jason Devlin. The IF world is not a particularly glamorous one, but it does have its awards, of which this game has won several. Our protagonist is a nasty cheating socialite who has been caught in a slightly compromising position, that could threaten our lifestyle and position. This disaster must be averted!

In this first update we shall spend a short period of time becoming acquainted with the scene of the crime, and meeting some likely suspects.

quote:

Utility closet
This is the first time you've been in this closet, and hopefully it will be the last. Keith assured you that no one ever comes down here. And now you can see why. The concrete walls are oppressively close, made more so by the smell of bleach and chemicals coming from a filthy shelf against the far wall. Various brooms clutter the room, displaying none of the pleasant tidiness characteristic of the rest of Pine Meadows. All this can be escaped through a door to the south.

Tossed to the side in the throes of passion, your bag, a fabulous Louis Vuitton original, lays on the ground.

Appalling conditions, really. How hard can it be to get a decent private room in this day and age? Let us examine the few tools we have available to ourselves at this point.

quote:

>brief
Sting of the Wasp is now in its normal "brief" printing mode, which gives long descriptions of places never before visited and short descriptions otherwise.

>take all
Louis Vuitton bag: Taken.

>i
You are carrying:
your Louis Vuitton bag (which is open)
your make-up
a pair of banquet tickets
your watch (being worn)
your ensemble (being worn)

>x ensemble
Nothing but the best for you. Pumps from Prada, skirt by Yves Saint Laurent, a gorgeous silk blouse from the much-coveted Vera Wang collection which is currently hanging about your shoulders, exposing your three thousand dollar chest.

You feeling jealous yet? I am fairly confident we will meet plenty who are soon enough. What was that expression... "They hate us cuz they ain't us"?
For those of you not acquainted with IF games, these 4 commands are among the most useful. Such games have a tradition of making you use any objects you come across that aren't bolted down, so "taking" said objects is of crucial importance. "i" lists our inventory, and "x" (stands for "examine") describes an item or a location.

quote:

>x watch
Frank felt so guilty after spending a month in Tokyo that he bought you this. Honestly, you enjoyed the time apart, but that didn't stop you from playing up the guilt. So far, that little ploy has gotten you a mink stole, a diamond necklace, and a Bentley, but this watch takes the cake. Whoever said that flagrant displays of wealth were tacky must not have seen this. Exquisitely crafted from platinum and diamonds, the only downfall this watch has is that the gems tend to obstruct your view of its face, making it somewhat difficult to read the actual time. Still, it's a small price to pay to be seen sporting such a piece.

>read watch
Looking closely at your watch, you see that it is sometime before five.

>x louis vuitton
A Louis Vuitton original, your purse can practically carry anything, which comes in handy but is absolute hell when you have to find your keys.

>x make-up
Survival gear for the modern woman; you never leave home without it.

>x tickets
Knowing that the banquet would be the gala event of the season, you bought these months ago. They have today's date on them.

>s
Just before you walk out, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the metal door. It isn't pretty. You hang back -- the last thing you need right now is to be seen in such a state.

We can't just be flaunting our sexiness to everyone. We need to make ourselves respectable before walking about.
Any sane player of IF games will use compass directions for movement - unless it's impossible. I could also have typed "go south", but there's absolutely no reason to do that.

quote:

>fix self
You would achieve nothing by this.
[this is an example of a stock response, when you input a command that is not expected because the writer of the game didn't code it]

>x self
Your lipstick is smeared, your cheeks are flushed, and your mascara is running. At least the fact that your blouse is open should draw attention away from your face.

>close blouse
You hastily button up your blouse, careful not to break a nail.

>fix make-up
Using your compact, you carefully apply your makeup, adding a little more powder than usual to your cheeks to hide the flush.

>s

Access hall
A short, dimly lit hallway between the utility closet to the north and the stairs to the rest of the club leading south and up. While the dominant smell here is, as in the closet, chlorine, some other fragrance, a sweeter one, is mingled with it.

>s
The stairs turn sharply north as you ascend.

Western wing
This is the newest addition to Pine Meadows, built to house the new spa to the west. In stark contrast to the well-lit, tan stucco walls, a dingy concrete stairwell descends to south. To the north, a rather uninspired doorway leads to the office of the club manager. The hall itself extends to the east.

>w

Spa lobby
Pine Meadows's most recent addition, the spa was built during the natural beauty craze of the late nineties, when holistic was in and plastic surgery was out. Frankly, you never could understand why it was so popular. The smell of damp seaweed and aromatherapy float in from the south, where the actual spa lies. To the north and west, with a functionalism that seems out of place next to the distinctively modern architecture of the spa, are the women's and men's change facilities, respectively.

The crowning achievement of some hack designer, a desk, dominates the room, trying to give some sense of purpose to the poor soul whose job it is to man it.

Desperately trying to look important, a receptionist peers down a hawkish nose at a log book, scribbling in corrections at a furious speed.

>x receptionist
Tall, thin, and oh so Madison Avenue, the spa receptionist serves as a living advertisement for her business's services. And like most advertisements, she grossly misrepresents the truth. Her looks come from the tried and true: surgery, make-up, and anorexia. Not the herbal wraps and mud baths she pushes on her customers.

>x log book
The client list for Pine Meadows Spa, it contains the names and locker information, as well as "beauty profiles," of practically every full member, part member, and former member of the club. If you want to find anyone in particular, you'll have to look them up individually.

>n

Women's change room
Your heels click loudly on the tiles, echoing down the banks of lockers that line the sides of the room. With the pool closed until summer and tennis verging on the pass�, the only use the women of Pine Meadows have for this room is the lockers. The showers lie, unused, to the north.

Your locker, #11, sits against the left wall.

>x locker
(your locker)
Your locker looks like all the rest, except for the #11 on a plate.

>open locker
(your locker)
38 left, 24 right, 34 left, just like your measurements. Inside is a change of clothes.

>take clothes
Besides from a little sweat, your ensemble is in good condition. There's no need to change right now.

>s

Spa lobby

Looking east and not seeing a flock of members coming to use the spa, the receptionist sighs and drops her shoulders a little.

>w
"Umm, Mrs. Hawthorne?" the receptionist says, giving you an odd look. "That's the men's change room."

You mumble something about allergies and come back to the lobby.

Here I was hoping she'd be too busy to notice us.

quote:

>s
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Hawthorne, but there is a pilates class until five, you'll have to wait until then," the receptionist says.

>e

Western wing

>n
You can't, since the door to Charles's office is in the way.

>open charles' office
It seems to be locked.

It will not surprise you to find out (if you don't already know) that IF games have a tendency to have you go into places you're not supposed to be. We may very well end up exploring both this office, and the men's changing room on our quest.

quote:

>e

Foyer
Putting the club's best foot forward is clearly the purpose of the foyer. A stately crystal chandelier scatters daylight into kaleidoscopic patterns. Two verdant plants stand next to a set of double doors to the north, their leaves extended as if to usher people in to the banquet hall. To the south, next to the exit to the gardens, is a bulletin board. The hall continues to the west and east.

>s

Garden
Being this far out in the country, the garden is really the only place at Pine Meadows where nature exists, yet isn't out of control. The topiary is subtle, no garish animals or ambitious creations. Flowers line the drive to the south, down which the valet service lies. A path, hedged with rose bushes, curves round the club to the northeast, and the club itself lies to the north.

Melissa Stratham, wife to Johnathan Stratham, sits here on a bench, delicately leafing through a paperback novel.

As she sees you enter, she looks up and grins impishly. "Oh, Julia," she says, closing her book for a moment. "I'm surprised to see you here. I thought you preferred to do your hoeing in the basement."

We meet our first fellow human being (the receptionist is doing paid labour so of course she's beneath our level). And she bites! Could this be our opponent?

quote:

>x melissa
Quite a few years your junior, Melissa is remarkably bold in your presence, owing, no doubt, to the influence of that shrew, Beverly Winters. Melissa even dresses like her: pearls, pumps, sweater knotted about her shoulders. She would have done so much better to have followed in your footsteps, at least then she could have had a sense of style.

>talk to melissa
I didn't understand that sentence.

>ask melissa
(for Melissa)
"Save it for the help, Julia," Melissa sneers, peering at you from behind her book.

>ask melissa about melissa
"And how are you doing, Melissa?"

"Oh, you know, keeping busy."

>ask melissa about jonathan
"So where is your husband, anyway?"

"He's gone to London for business until the end of the month. It's like I never get to see him any more. How is a girl supposed to stay faithful?" --she glances at you-- "Well I guess I'm asking the wrong person."

>ask melissa about photo
"Have you heard of a certain photo making it about the club?"

"Oh yes, I heard someone had taken a photo of you as you were, indisposed. There's just no privacy any more is there?"

>ask melissa about beverly
"You've taken quite a shine to Beverly, haven't you?"

"Well yes I have. It was so kind of her to take me under her wing. Now there's a woman who knows how to get what she wants."

>s
If you leave the club without getting that film you'll be ruined.

>w
"Really, Julia," Melissa smirks as you try to push into the shrubbery. "I'm surprised someone with your reputation has such an affinity for bushes."

This woman doesn't hold back. If we weren't on such an important mission we might be dishing out as much as we're getting

quote:

>n

Foyer

>e
You make your way through the east wing to the garden path.

Garden path
Serving as little more than a junction, the path here leads from the garden in the southwest to the outside dining area in the north and northeast. The club itself lies to the west and the tennis court to the east. To the southeast is the pool, but it is closed for the season.

>e

Tennis court
Since tennis became pass�, this court is mainly used by those few members who actually enjoy the game. In fact, due to the reduced use, the club has even begun letting non-members play on it. You've never been that fond of tennis and with the rabble about, you're loath to even stay on the court. Hardly a big loss. The net droops, the benches are peeling, and the rubber floor sticks to your pumps. Although you are fenced in on most sides, thankfully, you can still leave to the more agreeable outside dining areas to the northwest and north, or the garden path to the west.

Beverly Winters, a long time member of the club, hops from foot to foot, waiting for a ball to come out of a serving machine at the other end of the court.

Barely turning, Beverly starts talking. "Well, hello, Julia," she says, still not facing you. "Tonight's banquet should be interesting. No?"

In a strangely crude move, Beverly shifts her bra uncomfortably.

>x Beverly
Just a couple of years your senior, Beverly joined the club a few months before you. This was back in the prime of Pine Meadows, before the computer boom, before the stock market became a playground for anyone with a couple thousand, before peasant blouses and the anti-fur movement; those were the days. Back then, the only thing to do was engage in dramatic rivalries. And what a rivalry you formed. Playful at first, it soon degenerated in to a spat worthy of the Hatfields and McCoys, that is if the two of you were troglodytic mountain folk. After dying down for a couple of years, the rivalry flared up again when you caught her flirting with Frank at one of last year's charity auctions. Normally you would have been happy to have his hands occupied for a few hours, but the insult was too great to ignore.

>ask beverly about beverly
"How are you holding up, dear?"

"I'm doing well. Better than you must be, I imagine."

>ask beverly about husband
"You haven't seen Frank in a while, have you?"

"No I haven't. How is your husband, anyway? We have so much catching up to do."

>ask beverly about photo
"Someone took a photo of Keith and I in the basement."

"A photograph, you say? How very Enquirer of you."

Beverly smacks a ball across the court.

>ask beverly about melissa
"I see you've done quite a number on Melissa."

"Well, I know you wanted to mould her in to your own image, but what could I do? You can't argue with good taste."

Beverly pauses between serves, tucking her hair behind her ears.

>

I would say, between the suspect Melissa, and the even more suspect Beverly, we most likely have found our culprit. We have also explored a significant portion of the game world, so I shall call it and end the update here. Goons, I leave the future in your hands, for now. What shall our ambitious protagonist do next? (of course if we collectively don't advance the plot for too long I will eventually take the reins, but I like audience interaction). Also feel free to suggest a name for our protagonist (yes she has a name, it's Julia, but if we want to ~~properly identify~~ with this literal-Prada-wearing devil we should get to name her ourselves).

For reference, I will maintain and attach to the end of each (major) update a map of what we have explored so far. Shaded corners indicate a location which is not reachable right now but may be further into the game.

Dancer fucked around with this message at 00:10 on May 16, 2017

# ? May 15, 2017 23:58

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# ? May 2, 2024 17:24

Dancer: May 23, 2011

Post reserved because it might be handy.

# ? May 15, 2017 23:58

Glazius: Jul 22, 2007; Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.; Clapping Larry

Just to be clear, "The Pro Shop" is not a place inside the spa compound proper?

# ? May 16, 2017 00:05

Dancer: May 23, 2011

I would describe it as part of the compound, just not the same building. There's still some exploring to do, I didn't want to start with a massive text dump.

# ? May 16, 2017 00:09

Dancer: May 23, 2011

Update 2

Where were we?

quote:

>look

Tennis court
Since tennis became pass�, this court is mainly used by those few members who actually enjoy the game. In fact, due to the reduced use, the club has even begun letting non-members play on it. You've never been that fond of tennis and with the rabble about, you're loath to even stay on the court. Hardly a big loss. The net droops, the benches are peeling, and the rubber floor sticks to your pumps. Although you are fenced in on most sides, thankfully, you can still leave to the more agreeable outside dining areas to the northwest and north, or the garden path to the west.

Beverly hops from foot to foot, waiting for a ball to come out of a serving machine at the other end of the court.

Beverly pauses between serves, tucking her hair behind her ears.

Ah, yes. You might remember, the first time we entered this location, Bev seemed to need to fix her bra.

quote:

>x bra
Beverly's chest looks lumpier than usually.

Hmm... Maybe she's hiding something. Let's try asking her a few questions.

quote:

>ask Bev about me
"What do you think of me?"

"Well we've had our problems, but I would never do anything to endanger our 'friendship,'" she says with all the warmth of a raw fish.

>ask Bev about Keith
"I guess you know about Keith and I,"

"Oh yes, I heard about that. Poor Frank. Of course, he'll never believe any of the gossip. Unless someone shows him proof..."

A rather aggressive serve by the machine thwacks Beverly on the thigh.

>ask Bev about proof
"Really, Julia. Sometimes you are such a whore," Beverly mutters.

"What was that?"

"I said: 'Really, Julia. Sometimes you are such a bore.'"

>ask Bev about photo
"Someone took a photo of Keith and I in the basement."

"A photograph, you say? How very Enquirer of you."

Beverly smacks a ball across the court.

>ask Bev about bra
"Oh dear, Beverly," you say, glancing at her chest, "you're not going to let your surgeon get away with that, are you?"

She says nothing but shifts her bra again.

Beverly pauses between serves, tucking her hair behind her ears.

She seems to barely be holding something in her. We'll have to get back to it. For now let's keep exploring

quote:

>n

Outside dining (next to the Pro Shop)
This is what it's all about : stale food and staler gossip. However, despite all that, the outside dining offered by Pine Meadows is really the only thing that interests you at the club. The tables are full; the place is busy. The members don't seem to be eating all that much though, no doubt saving their appetites for the banquet tonight. To the west is the server's entrance to the kitchen where all manner of food is prepared. The dining area extends to the east, and to the south and southeast are the garden path and tennis court respectively.

A group of women sit here playing bridge and chatting.

"Beep beep" My God! Digital watches at Pine Meadows? Cartier must be rolling over in his grave.

Cynthia Fordham, a woman whose wrath makes even you cringe, sits in a high back chair.

Apparently someone lacked the willpower to stick to their diet, as a bowl of half-eaten salad sits on the table, forgotten.

"I told you, I ordered Coquille Saint Jacques half-an-hour ago. What are you, deaf?" Cynthia screams at a cowering waiter who then flees to the safety of the kitchen.

Just then, she glances over to you. "Oh, there you are, Julia," she says, her voice dripping with saccharine venom. "I hear you have a way with the help." --she winks, a little too obviously-- "Perhaps you could work your charm on that waiter for me."

>take salad
"Come now, Julia," Cynthia clucks. "I heard Frank cut up your platinum card, but must you really resort to taking leftovers?"

You ignore her and take it.

"So I was up at the golf course and do you want to know what I heard Roger say?" one of the bridge players says dramatically.

"No," another replies, "but I'm sure you'll tell us anyway."

>x salad
Little more than limp, wilted lettuce leaves and sour vinegar, the salad looks like it was picked at slightly, and then discarded. Nice way to spend twelve bucks.

Amongst the lettuce is a pair of cucumber slices.

"He said 'No grandson of mine is going to be a doper.' And then he disowned him," the first one says, waiting for a gasp. When she sees none is forthcoming, she continues, "I mean, it was just a little pot, nothing to freak out over."

The second rolls her eyes incredulously. "Really, now. Why don't you just stop shaving your legs and move to British Columbia already?"

>take slices
Taken.

"She was in the basement?" one asks, horrified.

"I guess that's what passes for courting among the help," says another.

>x bridge players
A group of women sit around a table, playing bridge and chatting.

"Still, you'd think she'd be a little more discrete. I mean Frank's only been gone for a day."

"Personally, I think she wanted to get caught. She always has enjoyed the limelight."

>

It is frankly insane how quickly rumours travel in this environment. Good thing Frank's an idiot... Let's see if the new person we encountered has some information that might be useful.

quote:

>ask cynthia about cynthia
"And how are you today, Cynthia?"

"I am fabulous," Cynthia says, somehow managing to look down her nose at you, even though she is sitting and you are standing.

"Oh well. Did you see what Cissy was wearing?"

"How could you miss it?"

>ask cynthia about cissy
"What do you think of Cissy?"

"I'm just glad she's not talking to me."

>ask cynthia about coquille
"So, you like slimy molluscs?"

"Well yes I do. You're not the only one who likes things spineless."

>ask cynthia about photo
"Have you heard anything about a photo today?"

"Oh yes, I heard someone took a picture of you. What a shame."

>ask cynthia about bev
"How do you feel about Beverly?"

"She's a little manipulative, even for my tastes."

>ask cynthia about mel
"What do you think of Melissa?"

"A little bit of a follower, that one, but I prefer her over these ones any day," Cynthia says, glancing around disdainfully.

>ask cynthia about keith
"So you must have heard and Keith and I."

"Well, yes. I know a woman must have her hobbies," Cynthia says coquettishly. "It's a shame yours will destroy your marriage."

>

Is there a single likeable person in this country club I hear you ask yourself? No. There absolutely isn't. Get used to hating everyone.

Since Keith might feasibly be on our side in this whole situation, let's try to find him. He might offer some help.

quote:

>ne

"Oh, off to see Keith, are we?" Cynthia says, eyes burrowing in to you.

Normally, you wouldn't be cowed by Cynthia's acid tongue but with that film floating around, you don't want to chance it.

Drats. Maybe if we helped Cynthia with this food she's been waiting for...

quote:

Outside dining (next to the kitchen)
This is what it's all about : stale food and staler gossip. However, despite all that, the outside dining offered by Pine Meadows is really the only thing that interests you at the club. The tables are full; the place is busy. The members don't seem to be eating all that much though, no doubt saving their appetites for the banquet tonight. To the west is the server's entrance to the kitchen where all manner of food is prepared. The dining area extends to the east, and to the south and southeast are the garden path and tennis court respectively.

A waiter bustles about, tray of wine glasses in hand, trying desperately to keep up with drink orders from demanding patrons.

Oh great, Cecilia Winnecott is here, the most frightfully irritating woman you have ever had the displeasure to meet. You attempt to duck out before she sees you but it's too late.

"Yoohoo, Julia! Over here." As if you could miss her. Her bright fuchsia pantsuit practically sears your retinas. Cissy sashays up to you, her jacket barely able to contain those three Danishes you saw her wolf down this morning.

>

Oh for crying out... Can we not get a break? Time for another chat...

quote:

>x cissy
A hundred-eighty pound woman packed in a hundred-sixty pound Chanel reject. You've got to hand it to her though, all that fuchsia really does detract from what it covers.

"Oh, Julia. It's been ages. You simply must see our pictures from Tuscany," she says, and before you can decline, she pulls a stack of photos from her purse.

>x photos
Why does anyone think people want to see their pictures? Well, since you're looking, I guess that's a stupid question.

"Here's my eldest, Tyler, isn't he handsome?" Cissy croons, showing you a photo of a rather dirty little boy with a finger up his nose.

>ask cissy about tyler
You make a passing comment about her kids.

"Children are an absolute treasure, aren't they?" she says, looking at her photos fondly. "Really Julia, you simply must have one one of these days."

Any thought you ever had of having a child went up in smoke after seeing her 'charming' brood.

>ask cissy about me
"How do you feel about me?"

"Oh you're a wonderful woman, these people could stand to learn a thing or two from you."

>ask cissy about frank
"What do you think of Frank?"

"Oh, you've got yourself a keeper there. He really does worship the ground you walk on."

You must admit: that's nice. It makes him all the easier to walk all over.

>ask cissy about photo
You subtilely feel Cissy out about the photo, but she doesn't get it.

"They're spectacular, aren't they? I took them all myself," she says, admiring a blurry photo of what looks to be an ape, or her husband.

>ask cissy about bev
"What do you think of Beverly?"

She shudders. "Ugh, don't mention that horrible woman to me."

Cissy recently found out all the bad things Beverly says behind her back. Fortunately, she thinks Beverly is the only one who says them.

>ask cissy about mel
"What do you think of Melissa?"

"A charming woman. If only that shrew Beverly hadn't gotten her talons in to her. She might have been the next you, Miss Philanthropist of the Year."

Oh right, that. By the way these people talk, you might think fifty thousand dollars was a lot of money.

>ask cissy about keith
"I suppose you've heard about Keith and I."

"Oh, that. Well, I wasn't going to bring it up; it's vulgar, really. Besides, I don't believe a word of it."

>x waiter
Tuxedoes aren't active wear, and the waiter exemplifies perfectly why this is so. His cummerbund prevents him from turning his waist; his whole ensemble clings to him with sweat. In fact, his bow tie seems so tight that his eyes bug out and his face is flushed.

"Oh ooh, here's Madison. Isn't she darling?"

"She's absolutely breathtaking," you say.

>ask waiter about coquille
"I'm sorry Mrs. Hawthorne, but I'm very busy," he says, bustling over to a particularly loud table.

"And this is our villa, isn't it just to die for?"

Frankly, you agree. You'd die before setting foot in such a dismal little hovel.

>show salad to waiter
"Oh yes, our cucumber salad is one of the hottest things on the menu, people can't seem to order it fast enough. Eating it on the other hand..." the waiter says looking down at the bowl.

"Aww, look at little Aidan. Isn't he a treasure?"

My God, doesn't this woman ever stop breeding?

>w
"Umm, Julia, hon. That's the kitchen," says Cissy, giving you a peculiar look. You can't blame her. Most people, if they want to complain, just scream at the waiters in front of everyone.

With that final blocked passageway examined, we have now explored everything and encountered everyone that we can at this point. A few more locations and characters will show up as the game goes on.

Next update we'll start solving a puzzle or two. Feel free to suggest any courses of action, or any conversation topic for the 4 ladies we've encountered. This game has a subtle but IMO good sense of humour and I'm certain to miss some nice lines if I try to do it all myself.

# ? May 16, 2017 13:57

inflatablefish: Oct 24, 2010

Well, clearly we need to get one of Cecilia's photos so we can pull a hilarious switcheroo. Would it be too simple to just ask her for one?
Also, we should ask people about Charles, they may give us clues on how to sneak into his office.
And maybe ask about the receptionist so we can figure out how to get her fired so we can get into the mens' room?

# ? May 16, 2017 19:12

Dancer: May 23, 2011

Update 3

inflatablefish posted:

Well, clearly we need to get one of Cecilia's photos so we can pull a hilarious switcheroo. Would it be too simple to just ask her for one?
Also, we should ask people about Charles, they may give us clues on how to sneak into his office.
And maybe ask about the receptionist so we can figure out how to get her fired so we can get into the mens' room?

quote:

As if you never left, Cissy starts back on her photos.

Outside dining (next to the kitchen)

A waiter bustles about frantically, trying desperately to keep up with drink orders from demanding patrons.

Cissy stands here in all her fuchsia splendour.

>ask cissy for photo
Save your bossing for the help.

Cissy tells you about another 'famous' relative's accomplishments.

>take photo
You can see them as much as you like from here, which isn't much at all.

Cissy shows you another photo of her ever-growing family.

>ask cissy about receptionist
Cissy has the memory span of a goldfish. Unless it was related directly to what she's talking about, she would forget her own name.

>ask cissy about charles
"How do you feel about Charles?"

"What a dedicated man, that Charles. He's been putting so many hours in with that new assistant of his."

>e

"I'm dreadfully sorry, Cissy, but I have some things to do," you say, rubbing your temples in attempt to ward off the migraine you know is coming.

"Ciao!" Please, one month in Tuscany and she thinks she's Monica Bellucci.

Outside dining (next to the Pro Shop)

A group of women sit here playing bridge and chatting.

Cynthia waits impatiently for her meal.

>ask cynthia about receptionist
"Really, Julia, can't we talk about something a little more interesting?".

>ask cynthia about charles
"What do you think of Charles?"

"Really, Julia. The only thing worse than being a bore is talking about one."

>s

"Aww, leaving so soon? Well we must do this again sometime," Cynthia calls out after you.

Tennis court

Beverly hops from foot to foot, waiting for a ball to come out of a serving machine at the other end of the court.

>ask bev about receptionist
"Really, Julia. Must you always be such a frightful bore?"

>ask bev about charles
"So what do you think of Charles?"

"Ugh, that man is insufferable."

>w

Garden path

>sw

Garden

Melissa continues to read her book.

>ask mel about receptionist
"Please, Julia. I'm trying to read." Melissa says, barely glancing up.

>ask mel about charles
"That Charles is something else, isn't he?"

"Don't get me started. That man is such a bore. I dread each time I have to pay my dues and listen to him speak."

>

I'm afraid none of those plans worked. The writer of this game seems to have gone above and beyond when it comes to stock responses, so I'll be more willing to leave them in. The one bit of potentially useful information we may have learned is about this assistant of Charles. Of note (whether it will help with this puzzle or another), the author of the game mentions in the "About" page that the one unusual verb required to win is "blackmail".

Since you asked me to work on the receptionist:

quote:

Spa lobby

The receptionist glances around and sighs.

>x receptionist
Tall, thin, and oh so Madison Avenue, the spa receptionist serves as a living advertisement for her business's services. And like most advertisements, she grossly misrepresents the truth. Her looks come from the tried and true: surgery, make-up, and anorexia. Not the herbal wraps and mud baths she pushes on her customers.

>ask receptionist about photo
"I'm really very sorry Mrs. Hawthorne, but I am incredibly busy," she says in a questionably trendy accent.

>ask receptionist about charles
"Do you know where Charles is?"

"Mr. Burton is currently enjoying the whirlpool at the moment. He's asked not to be disturbed."

Great, your club dues at work.

>ask receptionist about mel
You ask about one of the spa patrons.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Hawthorne, but the stylist-client relationship is one of strictest confidence."

True, they are the priests and therapists of the new millenium.

>

You might remember we have a watch. You might also remember that the spa was closed until 5 for a pilates class. Maybe it's open now.

quote:

>read watch
Looking closely at your watch, you see that it is sometime after five.

>s

Spa
Just two years ago, this place would have been packed at this time of day. Now hardly anyone comes in here, and you can hardly blame them. It feels more like some hellish jungle than a spa. The smell is subtle but gnaws at you nonetheless. A bed of rocks, heated to drive up sweat and drive out impurities, gives the room a heavy, fevered feeling, making you wonder why they even bothered considering there is already a whirlpool to the south. For those club members who have given up on trying to hide the fact that they dye their hair, a hairdresser's station sits to one side, from which you have a clear view of the lobby and its desk to the north. And all this set to some "Sounds of Nature" CD. Already, your hair is going limp from all the humidity.

Ms. Williams, face covered in mud, sits at the hairdresser's station waiting for her weekly colouring.

Yet another new person. This one is identified by her last name! Maybe that means she won't be horrible? Hah! Dream on.

quote:

>x ms williams
A fearsome sight, Ms. Williams has opted for a peculiar strategy in fighting the ravages of time: none. When she smiles, a rare event, the crow's feet (although ostrich might be more fitting by comparison) lace across her face like webs. If it weren't for her weekly dye job you might think she were over a hundred.

>ask ms williams about ms williams
"And how are you today, Ms. Williams?"

"Oh, I'm fine," she says, raising her voice, "or I would be if that damned hairdresser would hurry up."

>ask ms williams about bev
"Shhh! I can't hear the CD," she says, pointing to the ceiling even though the sound is coming from some hidden speaker. To maintain the illusion of a steamy jungle, no doubt.

>ask ms williams about self
"Shhh! I can't hear the CD," she says, pointing to the ceiling even though the sound is coming from some hidden speaker. To maintain the illusion of a steamy jungle, no doubt.

This Ms. Williams seems not to react to the usual conversation topics. Let's try something more personal.

quote:

>ask ms williams about hairdresser
"What's with that receptionist? Who does she think she is?"

"I don't know, but she was supposed to be in here ages ago to do my hair."

>ask ms williams about hair
"So why do you dye your hair?" She can't honestly believe it makes her look younger.

"After a while, you just have to give up and let nature take its course, except for your hair of course."

Blasphemy! You'll fight off age tooth and claw. Well, as long as you have teeth, you suppose.

>ask ms williams about charles
"Do you know where Charles is?"

"He's in the whirlpool with his assistant."

>ask ms williams about assistant
"Tell me about this assistant," you say, never one to shy away from what might be some good gossip.

"He's an Adonis. What a handsome man like that is doing trying to be an accountant, I'll never know."

>

One final location that might be worth exploring:

quote:

>s
You can't, since the door to the whirlpool is in the way.

>open whirlpool door
The whirlpool is currently occupied. Besides, if you wanted to lie in a pool of someone else's filth, you'd have a bath with Frank and make his day.

>

Finally, after all that exploring, maybe I should give us a little nudge towards solving some puzzles. Back at the start of the game we were all flustered, so we left the Utility closet in a hurry. Let's go back for a bit.

quote:

Utility closet

>look

Utility closet
The concrete walls of this closet are oppressively close, made more so by the smell of bleach and chemicals coming from a filthy shelf against the far wall. Various brooms clutter the room, displaying none of the pleasant tidiness characteristic of the rest of Pine Meadows. All this can be escaped through a door to the south.

>x shelf
A filthy metal shelf hangs on the far wall, sagging from the weight of the cleaning supplies it struggles to support. Although most of them are foreign to you, you do recognize one bottle as bleach.

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

>take bleach
(the bleach)
(putting the half-eaten salad into the Louis Vuitton bag to make room)
Taken.

>x brooms
Do people even still use these things? They're so dirty and utilitarian. Like those who use them, you suppose.

>s

Access hall

>look

Access hall
A short, dimly lit hallway between the utility closet to the north and the stairs to the rest of the club leading south and up.

A faint smell lingers in the hall.

>smell
Turning up your nose ever so slightly, you sniff the air. Although it is almost entirely wiped out by the smell of chlorine, you definitely detect the hint of something. Chanel #5? Dior Addict Eau Fraiche? Something. Whoever it was now has you in quite an awkward position, and likely a picture of the same. If only you had something to put you back on top.

We obtained an item we had missed, that will almost certainly be useful in some horrible way, and we also got a solid clue as to who our opponent might be. Let's go on a smelling spree.

quote:

Spa lobby

The receptionist glances around and sighs.

>smell
Oh that's a nice blend: kelp and sandalwood. Really now, if you wanted to vomit you would just make love to Frank.

>smell receptionist
Her scent is overpowered by the stench wafting in from the spa.

>s

Spa

Ms. Williams, face covered in mud, sits at the hairdresser's station waiting for her weekly colouring.

>smell ms williams
Mothballs and ribbon candy. Guess even money can't ward off the smell of the elderly.

quote:

>smell beverly
The smells of antiperspirant and sweat battle it out over Beverly. Unfortunately the antiperspirant is winning.

quote:

>smell cynthia
Careful not to look like a bloodhound, you raise your nose and sniff delicately. Amidst the smells of wine and food, you detect the faint scent of Bellagio. Definitely not the scent from hall.

quote:

>smell cissy
Your nose is overrun with both Dolce and Gabbana.

quote:

Garden

Melissa continues to read her book.

Melissa glances down at the bottle in your hands. "Oh, so that's what you're using to bleach your hair now. Well that explains the split ends."

>smell
Ugh, that's what roses smell like? Where's the benzaldehyde? the phenetol?

>smell melissa
You raise your nose ever so slightly and sniff. Chanel #5, definitely the same as in the hall.

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

>ask mel about smell
"That's a charming fragrance, Melissa. Whatever is it?"

"It's Chanel #5, do you like it?"

"Well, no. But then again, I have taste," you reply snidely.

Just had to take that parting shot after what she's doing us...

We have our culprit. What do, goons?

# ? May 16, 2017 19:51

inflatablefish: Oct 24, 2010

Well now. Let's see... we have some bleach, the receptionist is about to dye Mrs Williams' hair, and we want to get rid of her... I think a plan presents itself.

>FORCE FEED BLEACH TO THAT BITCH MELISSA

# ? May 16, 2017 21:47

Dancer: May 23, 2011

Update 3a

inflatablefish posted:

Well now. Let's see... we have some bleach, the receptionist is about to dye Mrs Williams' hair, and we want to get rid of her... I think a plan presents itself.

>FORCE FEED BLEACH TO THAT BITCH MELISSA

Please. Julia doesn't descend to physical violence. Does arson count?

quote:

Spa

Ms. Williams, face covered in mud, sits at the hairdresser's station waiting for her weekly colouring.

>x ms
A fearsome sight, Ms. Williams has opted for a peculiar strategy in fighting the ravages of time: none. When she smiles, a rare event, the crow's feet (although ostrich might be more fitting by comparison) lace across her face like webs. If it weren't for her weekly dye job you might think she were over a hundred.

>pour bleach on hair
Perhaps you could find a more subtle way to get the bleach into her hair.

>x station
An all-in-one sink, chair, and hair dryer, the hairdresser's station is a testament to the fact that the spa doesn't service enough people to get the standard banks of equipment that more profitable ones do. While in itself an adequate piece of equipment, you would rather have one machine do each job and do it right.

On the brim of the sink rests a bottle of dye.

>x dye
You would die before being caught putting this in your hair. As to whether you would actually put it in or not, only your stylist knows for sure.

>pour bleach in dye
"Umm, Julia," Ms. Williams says, "I know you know your way around beauty supplies, but if you could just let the hairdresser do it."

You won't be able to do anything to the dye with Ms. Williams watching.

>

Need to figure out a way to be subtle.

# ? May 16, 2017 22:10

inflatablefish: Oct 24, 2010

I'm pretty sure I know the answer to this one, but I think I probably ought to let somebody else have a go.

# ? May 16, 2017 22:16

J Corp: Oct 16, 2006; I risked hypothermia and broken limbs and all I got was this shitty avatar and a severe case of shrinkage

Break into melissa's locker.

# ? May 16, 2017 22:26

J Corp: Oct 16, 2006; I risked hypothermia and broken limbs and all I got was this shitty avatar and a severe case of shrinkage

Put the cucumbers in Ms Williams eyes

# ? May 16, 2017 22:28

HiHo ChiRho: Oct 23, 2010

Give Ms Williams the cucumber slices to help rejuvenate her eyelids

Then add bleach to the dye

# ? May 16, 2017 23:01

Dancer: May 23, 2011

Update 4

J Corp posted:

Break into melissa's locker.

Not only do we not know her locker combination, we don't know her locker... This will have to wait (although not for long)

J Corp posted:

Put the cucumbers in Ms Williams eyes

This is actually just one of two possible solutions for this puzzle. I'll just do both :v:

quote:

Spa

Ms. Williams, face covered in mud, sits at the hairdresser's station waiting for her weekly colouring.

>x stones
Heated by some unknown source, the rocks cause the air above them to shimmer like a mirage. On the floor beside the bed of rocks is a bucket of water.

>give cucumber slices to ms williams
"I thought you could use some cucumber to complete your facial," you say, handing her the slices.

"Oh thank you, Julia," Ms. Williams croons. "These will be perfect for my eyes. That idiot at the desk doesn't know half as much about beauty as you," she says, laying the slices on her eyes.

>pour water on rocks
You plunge the ladle in to the bucket and pour the water on to the rocks. A loud hiss ensues as a cloud of steam fills the room.

>look

Spa
Just two years ago, this place would have been packed at this time of day. Now hardly anyone comes in here, and you can hardly blame them. It feels more like some hellish jungle than a spa. The smell is subtle but gnaws at you nonetheless. A bed of rocks, heated to drive up sweat and drive out impurities, gives the room a heavy, fevered feeling, making you wonder why they even bothered considering there is already a whirlpool to the south. For those club members who have given up on trying to hide the fact that they dye their hair, a hairdresser's station sits to one side, from which you have a clear view of the lobby and its desk to the north. And all this set to some "Sounds of Nature" CD.

The jungle image is now complete as steam wraps its way around the plants, partially obscuring your vision.

Ms. Williams, face covered in mud, sits at the hairdresser's station waiting for her weekly colouring.

>pour bleach in dye
Concealed by the steam, you make your way over to the sink and carefully pour some bleach in to the dye.

Mission accomplished. Now all we have to do is wait. The game is kind enough to trigger this next event almost immediately.

quote:

>z
Time passes.
As fast as it appeared, the steam dissipates, allowing you to see clearly again.

Just then, the receptionist, who apparently doubles as the hairdresser with the spa's drop in popularity, comes in. "Ready for your colouring, Ms. Williams?"

"Of course I am, I've been waiting for hours." Her voice grates on you as it scrapes out past her ancient vocal cords.

"I am sorry about that, it's just we're so busy, and--."

"Just get on with it, you don't get paid to talk."

With that, the hairdresser goes about mixing the dye with some peroxide she brought with her (in addition to the liberal dousing of bleach you put in there) and puts it in Ms. Williams already fragile hair. For a few minutes it seems as though the bleach has no effect, but then, just as you're about the leave, you notice a few strands coming out in the hairdresser's hands until finally it starts coming out in goopy clumps.

"What's going on up there?"

"Uh, ah, I don't know. I used the same proportions as always."

"You idiot!" the old crone shrieks, fishing a hand through what remains of her hair. "My hair! My hair!"

The hairdresser apologizes profusely, leading Ms. Williams out with a towel on her head.

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

In case you hadn't gotten the message yet, this should make it obvious that *we are not nice in this game*. We will do worse things by the time this is all over :v:

. With the receptionist out of the picture, let's check out a log book!

quote:

>n

Spa lobby

>look up mel in book
#67, combination 33-73-42. "Problem facelift, avocado cream mask recommended." Hah! So much for that summer in Napa.

>look up bev in book
Here it is. #3, combination 16-43-81. "Anti-aging treatment, twice a week. Appointment to be verified each Monday."

>look up charles in book
Here it is. #32, combination 62-34-42. "Standing appointment each day from three o'clock to five-thirty. Permission from client to be used by Scott."

>look up cissy in book
Cissy doesn't seem to use the spa facilities.

>look up cynthia in book
#18, combination 23-44-46 (if only her measurements were the same).

All sorts of access obtained! Also yet another hint that something might be going on between Charles and this Scott fellow.

quote:

>n

Women's change room

Cynthia's locker, #18, stands against the wall.

Beverly's locker, #3, sits in the banks.

You see Melissa's locker, #67, against the wall.

Your locker, #11, sits against the left wall.

>open beverly's locker
You turn the dial to 16-43-81 and here a small click as the door swings open and reveals some of Beverly's trademark clothes.

>x clothes
A sweater, some pumps, a pleated skirt. When Beverly wears this stuff she looks like she stepped right out of a Ralph Lauren catalogue, from four years ago.

>open melissa's locker
You flip the dial through 33-73-42 and the locker swings open to reveal a small bottle of pills.

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

>x pills
Ah, this takes you back. The bottle contains a number of small white pills. On the side is a label that says: "Percodan. Highly addictive. Do not take for longer than five days or dependency may result." Below that is a date for several months ago and the name and phone number of one Dr. Ferguson. Curiously, the name of the patient is scratched out.

>open cynthia's locker
Turning the dial to 23-44-46, you hear a gentle click. The swings open to reveal a small camera sitting in the bottom of the locker.

>x camera
It's a small, instant camera.

>open camera
You flip open the small hatch on the side where the film is supposed to go. It's empty.

>close camera
That's not something you can close.

>close melissa's locker
You close Melissa's locker.

>close beverly's locker
You close Beverly's locker.

>close cynthia's locker
You close Cynthia's locker.

Made sure to clean up our tracks, as much as the game let me. Let's investigate Charles as well, no reason not to.

quote:

>s

Spa lobby

>w
Checking first to make sure no one is looking, you enter the men's change room.

Men's change room
Despite everything you've heard about men's bath and change facilities, this room is remarkably similar to the women's one you're more familiar with. Same tiles, same lockers. In fact, if it weren't for the direction you entered through, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

There it is, Charles's locker, #32.

>open charles's locker
(Charles's locker)
You check to see you're alone and then enter 62-34-42 on the combination lock. Inside is Charles's clothing.

>x clothing
Looking at Charles's clothes baffles you. Despite being all top of the line, on Charles they look cheap and out-of-place. Some people just aren't meant to be rich.

>

That's all the lockers opened. Apparently Cynthia is also in on this whole business? Our enemies keep multiplying...

This game is friendly, and it's impossible to end up in a "lost state", except near the very end. So let's throw caution to the wind and just ask the women in question about what we found.

quote:

>ask cynthia about camera
"I found a camera in your locker!" you yell. "You must have taken that photo!"

"How dare you talk to me like that! I don't care where you said you found it, that's not my camera," she says, pausing for a moment. "Besides, if you can break in to my locker, doesn't it stand to reason that someone else might have as well?"

quote:

>ask melissa about pills
"Melissa, darling, I'm concerned," you say sweetly, "I found some pills in your locker."

"I don't care where you found them, they aren't mine," she says, shifting slightly in her seat.

# ? May 16, 2017 23:29

J Corp: Oct 16, 2006; I risked hypothermia and broken limbs and all I got was this shitty avatar and a severe case of shrinkage

Can you take the pills away and exchange them for the photo? Also, maybe call Dr. Ferguson and try poking around. Try finding CharlesIs Charles still in the hot tub? Bust in and catch him with Scott.

# ? May 17, 2017 00:06

Seyser Koze: Dec 15, 2013; Mucho Mucho; Nap Ghost

If you say who is <character> do you get any more information about them?

Second trying to follow up with Melissa's doctor. (If Dr. Ferguson actually is her doctor.)

Can we interact with the serving machine in the tennis court? Assuming that we're going to do horrible things to all the other characters, that seems like an ideal opportunity for sabotage.

Seyser Koze fucked around with this message at 02:03 on May 17, 2017

# ? May 17, 2017 01:53

Dancer: May 23, 2011

Update 4a

J Corp posted:

Can you take the pills away and exchange them for the photo? Also, maybe call Dr. Ferguson and try poking around. Try finding CharlesIs Charles still in the hot tub? Bust in and catch him with Scott.

quote:

>show pills to mel
"I don't care where you found them, those aren't mine," she says, shifting slightly in her seat.

It's your word against hers right now, and with your reputation for gossip, you'll definitely need proof before she'll admit that the Percodan's hers.

>call dr ferguson
There's no phone here.

We haven't encountered a phone anywhere so far. Not even at the receptionist's desk. I'll make sure to remember to do it when we find one. We also still can't enter the whirlpool. Yes Charles is still there.

Seyser Koze posted:

If you say who is <character> do you get any more information about them?

Second trying to follow up with Melissa's doctor. (If Dr. Ferguson actually is her doctor.)

Can we interact with the serving machine in the tennis court? Assuming that we're going to do horrible things to all the other characters, that seems like an ideal opportunity for sabotage.

You get all information you're going to get by simply examining the characters. I did that again for a reminder.

quote:

>x cynthia
A shrewd vindictive woman, Cynthia is probably not the best person for you to have maliciously outbid on every major item at last year's largest charity auction. You couldn't resist though, she had been wearing plaid.

>x cissy
A hundred-eighty pound woman packed in a hundred-sixty pound Chanel reject. You've got to hand it to her though, all that fuchsia really does detract from what it covers.

>x beverly
Just a couple of years your senior, Beverly joined the club a few months before you. This was back in the prime of Pine Meadows, before the computer boom, before the stock market became a playground for anyone with a couple thousand, before peasant blouses and the anti-fur movement; those were the days. Back then, the only thing to do was engage in dramatic rivalries. And what a rivalry you formed. Playful at first, it soon degenerated in to a spat worthy of the Hatfields and McCoys, that is if the two of you were troglodytic mountain folk. After dying down for a couple of years, the rivalry flared up again when you caught her flirting with Frank at one of last year's charity auctions. Normally you would have been happy to have his hands occupied for a few hours, but the insult was too great to ignore.

>x mel
Quite a few years your junior, Melissa is remarkably bold in your presence, owing, no doubt, to the influence of that shrew, Beverly Winters. Melissa even dresses like her: pearls, pumps, sweater knotted about her shoulders. She would have done so much better to have followed in your footsteps, at least then she could have had a sense of style.

Gonna check out the serving machine now.

quote:

>x machine
Once top of the line, the serving machine has seen better days. Its turning mechanism has broken, so now it just shoots out balls at the same speed and same course every time. Good for Beverly's score, bad for everyone else.

>x balls
Once top of the line, the serving machine has seen better days. Its turning mechanism has broken, so now it just shoots out balls at the same speed and same course every time. Good for Beverly's score, bad for everyone else.

>x turning mechanism
You can't see any such thing.

The limited amount of messages related to the machine would seem to indicate that we can't do much with this object.

# ? May 17, 2017 11:24

Blue Labrador: Feb 17, 2011

I really appreciate how suitably catty all of the observational dialogue is.

Can we show Cynthia's lovely salad to the waiter, pretend it's ours, complain about it, and be able to get into the kitchen to talk to the chefs? According to what I learned working in restaurants, the people in the back had the juciest and most brutal gossip.

# ? May 17, 2017 12:30

raptus: Nov 10, 2004; - And he said "Grararararararargh" and I believed him!

See if you can order a drink and spice it with som pills. The tennis woman might be thirsty. Also ask around about the gala event. And visit the Pro Shop.

raptus fucked around with this message at 12:58 on May 17, 2017

# ? May 17, 2017 12:44

Dancer: May 23, 2011

Update 4b

Blue Labrador posted:

I really appreciate how suitably catty all of the observational dialogue is.

Can we show Cynthia's lovely salad to the waiter, pretend it's ours, complain about it, and be able to get into the kitchen to talk to the chefs? According to what I learned working in restaurants, the people in the back had the juciest and most brutal gossip.

raptus posted:

See if you can order a drink and spice it with some pills. The tennis woman might be thirsty. Also ask around about the gala event. And visit the Pro Shop.

quote:

Outside dining (next to the kitchen)

The waiter takes a sip from one of the finished drinks and seems to calm down a bit.

Cissy stands here in all her fuchsia splendour.

>show salad to waiter
(first taking the half-eaten salad)
"Oh yes, our cucumber salad is one of the hottest things on the menu, people can't seem to order it fast enough. Eating it on the other hand..." the waiter says looking down at the bowl.

Cissy continues to prattle on about her oh so fascinating life.

>ask waiter for drink
"Here you go, Mrs. Hawthorne," he says, handing you a glass of wine, his experience such that barely a ripple passes across its surface.

Cissy tells you about another 'famous' relative's accomplishments.

>i
You are carrying:
a bottle of Percodan
a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon
a half-eaten salad
your Louis Vuitton bag (which is open)
some bleach
your make-up
a pair of banquet tickets
your watch (being worn)
your ensemble (being worn)

>x cabernet
Although Merlot is currently receiving wider commendations, you suspect it's more due to how easy it is to pronounce its name rather than any aesthetic superiority.

>open bottle of pills
Best not, you might lose them.

>put pill in wine
Whoa! Easy there, Liza.

Neither of your approaches have been useful. I guess the salad isn't lovely enough. Note: it's not the waiter that's blocking us from entering the kitchen, it's Cissy. It would be rather embarrassing to go in there with her watching. And Cynthia (who's obviously heard the rumours about Keith, and who might actually be involved in the whole conspiracy, since we found a camera in her locker) is preventing us from heading to the Pro Shop. They both need to... disappear.

Asking around about the banquet, and a new topic I just discovered (also leaving in the travel because I like the various messages the game shoots at you for flavour while you're just moving around).

quote:

>ask cissy about banquet
You mention the banquet to Cissy.

"Oh yes, you have that speech as Philanthropist of the Year, don't you? Really, Julia, you are such an inspiration. You could really teach these nouveaus," she glances around the dining area disdainfully, "a thing or two about noblesse oblig�."

Where does she get off with that tone? Her family made its money from inventing the egg carton.

>ask cissy about nouveaus
"How do you feel about all these nouveaus in here?"

"They're absolutely dreadful, aren't they? They really know nothing of the responsibilities that come with money." Cissy shakes her head dramatically.

>e

"You're not leaving already are you?" Cissy asks, lips pouted. "Oh well, you must come back to see the rest of my photos soon."

Outside dining (next to the Pro Shop)

A group of women sit here playing bridge and chatting.

Cynthia waits impatiently for her meal.

>ask cynthia about banquet
"Are you ready for tonight's banquet?"

"Oh yes," Cynthia sighs, "ahh, the noblesse oblig�. Really, being rich is such a chore." She fans herself with her hand weakly.

>ask cynthia about nouveaus
"What do you think of these nouveaus?"

"They're dreadful. Those computer ones are the worst. All that money without a stitch of class." Cynthia glances at a particularly poorly-dressed young man.

>s

"Aww, leaving so soon? Well we must do this again sometime," Cynthia calls out after you.

Tennis court

Beverly hops from foot to foot, waiting for a ball to come out of a serving machine at the other end of the court.

Beverly glances down at the wine in your hand. "Getting started a little early, don't you think?"

>ask bev about banquet
"Are you looking forward to tonight's banquet?"

"My Lord, yes. It should be very interesting."

>ask bev about nouveaus
"Ugh, the nouveaus have absolutely infested this place."

"They're dreadful, aren't they? I'm just glad my glares are enough to keep them away."

"Are you sure it's not your smell?" you mumble.

"What was that?"

"I said, 'I'm sure; you do it so well.'"

Beverly smacks a ball across the court.

>w

Garden path

>sw

Garden

Melissa continues to read her book.

>ask mel about banquet
"Are you looking forward to the banquet?"

"Well yes I am. It promises to be quite interesting, don't you think?"

>ask mel about nouveaus
"The nouveaus are just everywhere these days."

"Yes, terrible, aren't they? Pine Meadows just hasn't been the same since they started flocking in."

Please, where does she get off? Marrying old money doesn't make one old money.

>

# ? May 17, 2017 13:08

raptus: Nov 10, 2004; - And he said "Grararararararargh" and I believed him!

Try giving Cissy something from our inventory, wine perhaps? Also get some food, we might get past Cynthia if she has her mouth full of something.

# ? May 17, 2017 13:45

Dancer: May 23, 2011

Update 4c

raptus posted:

Try giving Cissy something from our inventory, wine perhaps? Also get some food, we might get past Cynthia if she has her mouth full of something.

Cynthia is waiting for her Coquille, and that's probably the only thing she'll accept...

quote:

>give salad to cynthia
Cynthia sneers.

>w

"Aww, leaving so soon? Well we must do this again sometime," Cynthia calls out after you.
As if you never left, Cissy starts back on her photos.

Outside dining (next to the kitchen)

A waiter bustles about frantically, trying desperately to keep up with drink orders from demanding patrons.

Cissy stands here in all her fuchsia splendour.

>give wine to cissy
"Please, help yourself. I would join you, but my spiritual coach, Guru Upneet Bhadur Singh Rai, told me that alcohol blocks eight of your chakras and..." Ten minutes and three migraines later, Cissy finishes with "...and that's why I can't join you."

>give pills to cissy
(first taking the bottle of Percodan)
(putting the half-eaten salad into the Louis Vuitton bag to make room)
"I couldn't possibly. I'm on an organic regiment: can't have any of those toxins."

>give watch to cissy
Although Cissy has many flaws, being poor is not one of them. She doesn't want anything you have.

Next update I'll make sure some progress happens.

# ? May 17, 2017 13:48

Dancer: May 23, 2011

Update 5

So remember how Cissy refused the wine? Why don't we force it on her...

quote:

Outside dining (next to the kitchen)

The waiter pauses for a moment to wipe some sweat from his forehead, before the scream of a patron brings him back to activity.

Cissy stands here in all her fuchsia splendour.

>spill wine on Cissy
Pretending to catch your heel on a crack, you launch yourself forward towards Cissy, spilling the deep, red wine over her clothes.

"My clothes!" she cries, trying desperately to sop up the rapidly setting wine. "This was a gift from my husband." You guess he bought it as a not so subtle hint.

"Don't worry Cissy, a little club soda and that will come right out." A lie, sure, but you have to stop her from sobbing somehow. Besides, you did her a favour, that monstrosity wasn't helping anyone.

When Cissy sees that nothing she can do here will stop the stain, she begins to walk out. "Oh dear, guess I'll go home to change. I'll see you at the banquet tonight. Ciao."

Now she's out of the way, and we can enter the kitchen. Before we do that though, I'll show the alternate solution to this puzzle.

quote:

Spa

Strands of gray hair form a trail through the spa, left after you gave Ms. Williams the Sin�ad O'Conner look.

>take hair
Gingerly, you pick up a few hairs and rinse them off in the bucket, pushing the rest under the chair with your foot.

Outside dining (next to the kitchen)

The waiter takes a sip from one of the finished drinks and seems to calm down a bit.

>put hair in salad
You lay the hairs on the salad and toss it around a little to make it look more natural.

>show salad to waiter
(first taking the half-eaten salad)
You stomp (as much is possible in three-inch heels) up to the waiter and thrust the salad in to his face. "Excuse me, garcon," you spit. "I believe you sold me a hair with a salad around it."

"Um, oh, ooh," the waiter sputters. "I'm sorry Mrs. Hawthorne. Let me just go in to the kitchen and get you a fresh one."

"No, no. That simply will not do," you say, hamming it up more than a little. "I must speak with the head chef at once!"

"But of course, Mrs. Hawthorne. Go right ahead, we pride ourselves on our outstanding customer relations."

>w

Kitchen
For all the years you've been a member of Pine Meadows, you've never had a reason to visit the kitchen before today. And you are thankful for that. If you had been here years ago you certainly wouldn't have been so quick to eat the food. Gray slabs of meat lie along the counters and hang from cupboards; enormous pots, some empty, some full, sit on stoves. All this under a barrage of pedestrian smells that assault your nose. A set of large, locked doors lead west to the banquet hall and a smaller opening on the opposite wall leads back out to the dining area.

Amongst the many exotic dishes, you see a steaming plate of Coquille Saint Jacques.

Desperate to keep up with constant orders floating in from impatient diners, the cooks scramble about, tossing you questioning glances now and then.

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

>take coquille
Cynthia might be suspicious if you were to serve her the food yourself.

>x meat
Looking at this food makes you feel like a child backstage at a magic show. But instead of your sense of wonder being erased it's your appetite.

>x cupboards
Without even the pretension of being anything but utilitarian, the steel cupboards exist only to hide the baser ingredients of the kitchen.

>open cupboards
The cooks look at you suspiciously but say nothing. You're well known among the kitchen staff for your temper. The cupboards are packed with a bewildering array of foodstuffs.

>x cupboards
Without even the pretension of being anything but utilitarian, the steel cupboards exist only to hide the baser ingredients of the kitchen.

>x pots
Balanced on the stove, several pots stand dangerously close to falling over.

Since it worked so well the first time, let's try spilling wine on the other nosy woman who won't let us be.

quote:

>ask waiter for wine
"I'm sorry Mrs. Hawthorne, but there is really only enough for one per member right now."

... That seems awfully sad for a country club. No wonder it's falling apart.

Next step: gaining access to Charles' office

quote:

Men's change room

There it is, Charles's locker, #32.

>open locker
(Charles's locker)
You check to see you're alone and then enter 62-34-42 on the combination lock. Inside is Charles's clothing.

>take clothes
You don't want them.

>search clothes
You begin fishing through the pockets of Charles's clothes. Just when you think you've gone through every pocket three times, you find it: the key to Charles's office. You pocket it quickly.

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

Western wing

>n
You unlock the door and walk in, checking first to see if you're alone.

Office of the Registrar
You haven't seen this room since you joined the club years ago. Frank handles all the dues, and Charles isn't your first choice among people to socialize with. The office itself seems to be a lot more luxurious than before. Maybe last time you were just distracted by the fear of your application being denied, or, more likely, Charles's perpetually tacky air just drained all the class out of the place. Either way, you have to say that now you like its bold charm, so unlike its owner.

Clearly the focus of the layout, a magnificently restored antique oak desk stands near the back of the room, illuminated by a spacious window overlooking the golf course. Somewhat less impressive, a wise move considering they might detract from the desk, are a row of cabinets leading from the door to the south, along the wall, to the window at the far side of the room.

Charles could come back any minute. Better make it quick.

On Charles's desk is a telephone.

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

>call dr ferguson
Better not, someone might hear you.

>x phone
With rules against cell phones and a desire for leaving the outside world outside, this is the only phone at Pine Meadows.

>x cabinets
The payment records on all the past and present members of the club occupy three cabinets against the east side of the office. Another one houses all the other financial and extraneous records.

>look up bev in cabinet
You'd best ensure you have some privacy before you go rifling through the cabinets.

>close door
You close the door to the western wing.

You hear Charles shout from behind. "Julia!"

Uh oh, you forgot to lock the door. "Mr. Burton, I- I was just."

"I don't care what you were doing. You broke in to my locker and stole my key! I'm calling the police."

The criminal charges are just a slap on the wrist, but the humiliation of being dragged from the club in cuffs more than makes up for it.

*** You've been stung by a wasp ***

In that game you scored 7 out of a possible 20, in 244 turns, earning you the rank of Debutante.

Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, UNDO your last move, give the FULL score for that game or QUIT?

As you can see, it is actually possible to lose this game (though you are never more than one or two undo's away from safety. Let's do that.

quote:

> undo
Office of the Registrar
[Previous turn undone.]

>undo
Office of the Registrar
[Previous turn undone.]

>lock door
(with the key)
The door clicks gently as the key turns in the lock.

>look up bev in cabinet
What's this? A note from Beverly's mother to Charles reminding him of Beverly's fiftieth birthday that is approaching soon. Well it's about time: she's been forty-five for six years now.

>look up mel in cabinet
The cheques are made out from her husband. She may be young, but at least she knows how to work it.

>look up cissy in cabinet
Cissy's records are as bloated and boring as she is.

>look up frank in cabinet
Hmm, what's this? The account Frank has been using to pay for dues isn't anyone that you recognize. How dare he? A marriage is supposed to be about trust!

>call dr ferguson
Better not, someone might hear you.

>look up charles in cabinet
Eighty thousand dollars a year. Well now you see why it costs three dollars for a glass of Perrier.

>look up cynthia in cabinet
Cynthia's financial records are boring, even for accounting forms; however, towards the end, you find a health notice. Well, well, it looks like someone's allergic to peanuts.

Just as you close the cabinet, you hear faint footsteps outside the door. "Who's in there?" You hear Charles call as he thuds on the door.

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

I did Cynthia last because I knew that would trigger Charles' arrival. We might be in trouble.

quote:

>look

Office of the Registrar
Clearly the focus of the layout, a magnificently restored antique oak desk stands near the back of the room, illuminated by a spacious window overlooking the golf course. Somewhat less impressive, a wise move considering they might detract from the desk, are a row of cabinets leading from the door to the south, along the wall, to the window at the far side of the room.

On Charles's desk is a telephone.

"Get out of there before I call the police!" Charles yells in his characteristic nasal way, in an uncharacteristically demanding tone.

>n
You can only leave to the south or down through the window.

"I'm serious! Open this door now!"

>down
But the window isn't open.

"That's it, I'm coming in." You hear a meagre thud as Charles hurls himself against the door.

>open window
You open the office window.

Crash! Yikes, that thud wasn't nearly as meagre. Charles must have some help.

>down
As soon as your head ducks below the windowsill, you hear Charles (obviously with some assistance) break open the door and shriek: "The window, they've gone out the window!"

Quickly, you begin to climb down the trellis, careful not to get your heels snagged in the ivy. However, you're more adept at navigating a concrete jungle than a real one, and soon one of your pumps gets caught on a particularly nasty weed. You kick wildly for a few moments, but it's to no avail; you lose your balance and tumble in to the bushes below, dragging the wreckage of the trellis with you.

Behind the club (in the thorn bushes)
Ow! While the bushes cushion your fall, preventing any serious damage, their thorns still manage to tear at your clothes and cling at your hair. As you pluck the spikes from your face, you hear Charles screaming from the window above.

>look

Behind the club (in the thorn bushes)
Yours are probably the first feet to tread here since the trellis was installed. The bushes have none of the carefully manicured branches or unnaturally bright flowers of their cousins in the garden. Instead, they are twisted with many sharp little thorns. They thin a little to the southwest.

"Can you see them?" You hear a voice ask from above.

"No, they're in the bushes," Charles replies.

>sw
You'll have to get out of the bushes first.

"Well is there any more you want me to do?"

"Nah, go back to the whirlpool, I'll take care of things here."

>get out
You get out of the thorn bushes.

Behind the club

Without the cover of the bushes, Charles easily sees you. The criminal charges are no big deal, but being seen by the whole club being pulled from the bushes by the police is almost too much to bear.

*** You've been stung by a wasp ***

In that game you scored 8 out of a possible 20, in 258 turns, earning you the rank of Debutante.

Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, UNDO your last move, give the FULL score for that game or QUIT?
> undo
Behind the club
[Previous turn undone.]

>z
Although the thorns continue to poke in to your soft skin, you decide you'd rather put up with that for a few minutes than let Charles see you.

"That's it! I'm going to call the police," you hear Charles call to you from above. At least he's gone from the window now.

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

>get out
You get out of the thorn bushes.

Behind the club

>sw
You battle your way through the underbrush for what must literally be minutes until you arrive in the garden.

Garden

Melissa continues to read her book.

"My, my. First the basement, now the bushes? Ever heard of a bed?" Melissa says, smirking.

>

Phew. Relative safety. We've learned a potentially... useful... fact about Cynthia (you monsters), and Charles has also left the whirlpool now. Maybe we can get in and relax.

quote:

Whirlpool room
Cramped and humid, the whirlpool room is dominated by a large tub of bubbling water. The steam coming from it is almost unbearable; it flattens your hair and clings to your skin. Even worse, there seems to be no ventilation other than from the door to the north, beside which is a row of hooks for hanging clothes.

A young man reclines in the pool, naked.

Some clothes hang on one of the hooks.

The man sits up with a start but does nothing to conceal his nudity. "Who the hell are you?" he demands. Without waiting for a reply, he lies back. "Nevermind. I don't care. Charles said I could stay here all afternoon, so gently caress off."

>ask scott about charles
"gently caress off, I don't have to talk to you."

>x man
With his bleached hair and chiseled features, this guy looks like he stepped right out of Honcho.

>get naked
You can't see any such thing.

>take off clothes
"poo poo, girl," the young man says, averting his eyes, "no one wants to see that."

Phah. Try telling that to Keith or Frank.

>go in pool
You'd rather not. Just knowing Charles was in there, likely naked, makes your skin crawl.

Aaand the guy's a massive dick. At least the writer wasn't sexist when he made every single female character be this awful :v:

.

Finally, let's check out Charles.

quote:

Office of the Registrar

Charles glances up at you nervously.

On Charles's desk is a telephone.

>x charles
Although his skin sags and his hair hangs in gray wisps around his scalp, Charles has a certain vibrancy to him.

>ask charles about charles
"How are you, Charles, dear?"

"I'm fine, so nice of you to ask."

>ask charles about scott
"My, so I met your new assistant in the whirlpool," you say. "Charming fellow."

"Oh yes, and he's been working so hard lately. I thought he deserved to use my whirlpool time."

>ask charles about banquet
"I'm sorry, Julia, but I'm really quite busy."

>ask charles about bev
"I'm sorry, Julia, but I'm really quite busy."

>

It seems he's too important to spend as much time talking to us as everyone else did.

# ? May 17, 2017 22:49

bbcisdabomb: Jan 15, 2008; SHEESH

We've been through a lot, maybe we should go change our clothes with the ones in our locker. How is Charles not suspicious of the woman with torn up clothes in the club?

# ? May 18, 2017 07:19

raptus: Nov 10, 2004; - And he said "Grararararararargh" and I believed him!

Put peanuts in Cynthias food. Search the clothes in the womens lockers.

# ? May 18, 2017 10:13

Double Plus Undead: Dec 24, 2010

Cissy doesn't seem so bad, so I assume that she's actually the mastermind... somehow.

# ? May 18, 2017 18:08

Dancer: May 23, 2011

Update 6

bbcisdabomb posted:

We've been through a lot, maybe we should go change our clothes with the ones in our locker. How is Charles not suspicious of the woman with torn up clothes in the club?

The only women who had clothes in their lockers are Beverly and ourselves.

quote:

Women's change room

>search beverly's clothes
You find nothing of interest

>search change of clothes
You find nothing of interest

>change
Although those bushes took their toll, the worst might be yet to come. You should probably save these clothes for the banquet.

Charles is just oblivious. Men, I guess.

raptus posted:

Put peanuts in Cynthias food. Search the clothes in the womens lockers.

We do not have peanuts I'm afraid.

We've been at this for a while and haven't blackmailed anyone yet. It's time to do that.

quote:

Whirlpool room

A young man reclines in the pool, naked.

Some clothes hang on one of the hooks.

>take clothes
"Hey, what are you doing? I need those," the man cries.

You ignore him and take the clothes.

>n
"Listen!" you hiss, holding the clothes out of the young man's reach. "Either you tell me what I want to know or I walk out with these clothes right now."

"What? You're crazy!"

"Am I?" You walk towards the door.

"Ok, wait, wait. Alright, what do you want to know?"

"Well, who the hell you are, for starters."

"Ok, I'm Scott. Charles's new 'assistant.' I'd shake your hand, but I'm a little indisposed at the moment."

"I'll let it slide," you say, politely averting your eyes. "Do you always bathe naked with your employers?"

"Bathe naked, sleep naked, play Parcheesi naked," he shrugs his shoulders. "Whatever they pay me for. It's all the same to me."

You knew it. Charles was always a little well-manicured, even for Pine Meadows. "So he pays you for your services?"

"Of course, you have seen him, haven't you?" The two of you share a collective shudder.

"Alright, that's enough." Satisfied you have enough information, you hang his clothes back on the hooks.

"Anytime."

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

It may not seem like it, but this is all we need to now blackmail Charles. I guess gossip can be a powerful weapon around these parts. Before we leave though, let's have some fun.

quote:

>ask scott about charles
"So what's it like working for Charles?"

"Ugh, it's bad enough I have to think of him when he's here. Don't make me do it when he's not."

>ask scott about club
"So, how are you liking it here?"

"It's ok, I guess. Not a bad place to earn a buck."

>ask scott about me
"If you don't mind, I'm trying to boil off Charles's touch."

>ask scott about mel
"Hmm, I might have met her, but I really wouldn't know. Have you noticed that all the women here are pretty much exactly the same?"

>ask scott about bev
"Hmm, I might have met her, but I really wouldn't know. Have you noticed that all the women here are pretty much exactly the same?"

>kiss scott
You have enough trouble juggling Keith and Frank, throwing him in there would be just too many balls to handle.

Now, armed with this information, let's blackmail the person that we actually need.

quote:

Office of the Registrar

Charles sits at his desk, pushing some papers around to at least give the impression that he's worth the money the club pays him.

On Charles's desk is a telephone.

>blackmail charles with scott
"My, my Charles, you look absolutely flushed. Have you been in the whirlpool?" you ask gently.

"Well, yes I have, Julia." --his cheeks get a little redder-- "It's marvelous. You really must try it sometime."

"Were you in for long? I saw the door and it said you were signed up for the whole afternoon. I'm only asking because prolonged exposure can be terrible for the skin, let alone the health." Your lips pout out a little with feigned concern.

"Um, well, I was only in for an hour or so, I'm letting my assistant use the rest of my time." Charles tugs a little at his bow tie.

"Oh, so you finally found someone to work 'under' you?" you ask, your emphasis almost tacky.

"Yes, his name's Scott. He's worth every penny the club pays him."

"Oh yes, Scott. I spoke to him." Charles face drops. "He has some very interesting things to say."

Charles face glistens with sweat. "Please, Julia. Don't tell anyone, I'll give you anything you want." He pleads.

"Alright, let me in to those cabinets and let me use your phone."

"But that is-"

"Or I could just go talk to Mr. Knowles."

"Ok, ok. Just as long as you don't tell anyone I let you," Charles says resignedly and goes back to working on his papers, even less believably than before.

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

>call dr ferguson
Suspicious about those pills, you call up doctor Ferguson.

"Hi, Dr. Ferguson. This is Angie from Dr. Leeds office," you say in as nasal a voice as you can muster. "I'm calling in regards to a patient of yours, one Melissa Stratham."

"Yes, what can I do for you?" he asks, more than a little perturbed to be disturbed.

"Well, Mrs. Stratham told us that you gave her a prescription for Percodan to be renewed indefinitely and--"

"What? She's still taking them? They're highly addictive!" he says with concern, more likely from fear of malpractice than genuine compassion.

"Alright, Dr. Ferguson. I'll notify Betty Ford right away."

With that, you hang up the phone and ignore Charles's odd looks.

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

Bingo. We learn (though Julia already knew) about this Mr Knowles, who apparently is important and scares Charles. And we also know that Mel is definitely not supposed to be taking those pills.

quote:

Garden

Melissa continues to read her book.

>blackmail mel with pills
You tell Melissa about your conversation with Dr. Ferguson.

"Oh, please. This is the new millenium. Who cares if I indulge in a little Percodan now and then?"

We don't have a genuine threat to present her with yet. Let's ask people about this Mr. Knowles.

quote:

>ask mel about knowles
"So what do you know of Roger Knowles?"

"Ugh," she says, wrinkling her nose, "that man is an ogre."

>ask scott about roger
"Have you heard much about this Roger fellow?"

"Oh yeah, Charles warned me about him. Apparently he's pretty old-fashioned," --Scott leans forward conspiratorially-- "but then again you'd be surprised at how many 'old-fashioned' guys employ my services." He then lists off about half-a-dozen names of certain well-respected politicians and businessmen.

>ask charles about roger
"Please, Julia. I've let you look at the records, isn't that enough?"

>look up roger in cabinet
Roger's files list him as the primary shareholder of the club, giving him the ability to make membership decisions completely at his own discretion.

>ask bev about roger
"That Roger's an odd one, isn't he?"

"I'll say so. He's a bit of an anachronism, even here. Personally, I just think it comes from his loneliness."

>ask cynthia about roger
"Really, Julia, can't we talk about something a little more interesting?"

# ? May 18, 2017 23:22

Seyser Koze: Dec 15, 2013; Mucho Mucho; Nap Ghost

Dancer posted:

We do not have peanuts I'm afraid.

It's like nobody here has tried to murder someone via anaphylaxis before. Go look at the "foodstuffs" in the kitchen cupboards.

# ? May 19, 2017 05:04

Dancer: May 23, 2011

Update 7

Seyser Koze posted:

It's like nobody here has tried to murder someone via anaphylaxis before. Go look at the "foodstuffs" in the kitchen cupboards.

There's actually nothing stopping us from doing that straight away, but the "intended" route is to actually acquire the information first. We're going to encounter an easy puzzle that I will just go ahead and solve so as to allow progress.

quote:

Outside dining (next to the kitchen)

The waiter pauses for a moment to wipe some sweat from his forehead, before the scream of a patron brings him back to activity.

>ask waiter for peanuts
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Hawthorne, but we don't serve peanuts here. There might be some sauce in the kitchen though."

>w

Kitchen

Amongst the many exotic dishes, you see a steaming plate of Coquille Saint Jacques.

When he thinks you aren't looking, one of the cooks spits in to a steaming plate of something.

>search cupboards
Here we go, Thai peanut sauce. You slip it in to your pocket while the cooks aren't looking.

>pour sauce on coquille
"Please, Mrs. Hawthorne," says one of the cooks, "leave the food to us."

>push pots
Pretending to move with a complete lack of grace, you clumsily lurch in to a large pot, sending it crashing to the floor.

Momentarily, the cooks are shocked by the crash, but after that wears off they proceed to clean up the mess you made, casting dirty looks your way but remaining silent nonetheless. Being feared certainly has its advantages.

>pour sauce on coquille
With the cooks distracted, you sneak the peanut sauce in to Cynthia's food and discard the bottle.

Apparently you made quite a mess. The cooks are still cleaning it up.

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

>e

Outside dining (next to the kitchen)

The waiter takes a sip from one of the finished drinks and seems to calm down a bit.

>e

Outside dining (next to the Pro Shop)

A group of women sit here playing bridge and chatting.

You arrive just as Cynthia sits down to eat her Coquille Saint-Jacques. Your glee can barely be contained as she raises a slimy piece of shellfish to her lips and delicately nibbles at it.

A few minutes pass while Cynthia eats her meal and when she is done, she finishes it off with a delicate licking of her lips. That's when she notices what you have been seeing the whole time. Her lips, reacting furiously to the peanut sauce, have begun to swell, ballooning up to twice their regular size with no sign of stopping.

"Myb bwips, bwat's bappebing?" she blubbers. Oh well, at least she won't need that collagen anymore.

Soon the paramedics arrive to take her away from the crowd of gawking club members and elated waiters, leaving you to resume your business.

The good news is that's the final exploration obstacle out of the way. We can now explore the entirety of Pine Meadows and will soon have met everyone there is to meet.

The other good news is, you might *think* we've done the most awful thing we get to do in the game, and the fun is over. I would argue you're wrong, and more fun will come.

For now let's explore

quote:

>ne
You walk down the paved path until you come to the Pro Shop.

Pro Shop
Since Pine Meadows instituted the policy of allowing day memberships, the shop has been enjoying a lot more business. Well, enjoying is probably the wrong word. The only people who frequent the shop are amateur social climbers trying to impress clients or lonely housewives eager to get a little attention from Keith. Luckily, none of them seem to be around, leaving you to see how cramped the shop actually is. All manner of rackets, clubs, and balls crowd the walls; an obtrusive counter divides the room arbitrarily, and to the north a door leads to the driving range, too small to open up the place at all.

Keith smiles up at you as you enter.

"Hey babe, good to see ya," Keith says, smiling. "I was beginning to think you might not make it."

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

>x keith
Tall, well-muscled, and the most sexually virile man you've ever known, Keith rubs his hand across his chest absently when he catches you looking at him. You suppress a shudder and involuntarily lick your lips.

>kiss keith
You'd love to, but that's gotten you in to enough trouble today.

>ask keith about photo
"Listen, Keith, someone was in the access hall while we were in the closet and they took a photo."

"You mean someone took a picture of us while we were loving?" You cringe at his vulgarity. "poo poo, what are we going to do?"

"Don't worry, I'll take care of it," you say, hoping it's not a lie.

> ask keith about me
"You're one wild girl."

>ask keith about frank
"About Frank..."

"Why don't you leave him already? Then we could finally be together. Just don't tell him about us, he'd ruin me." With that, he leans forward dramatically. "I could give you the moon."

No, what he could give you would be more painfully trite lines like that.

>ask keith about mel
"Keith, this is important," you ask, leaning forward on the counter, "when you left the basement after, you know, did you happen to see anyone around?"

"Sure, I saw Mrs. Stratham leaving down the hall, towards the garden," he says, clearly unaware of the implication.

>ask keith about bev
"Sorry, babe. You know I don't move in the same circles as you."

>ask keith about charles
"What do you think of Charles?"

"That guy freaks me out. Always brushing up against me and stuff."

>ask keith about roger
"Have you seen Roger today?"

"Yeah, Roger's up at the driving range right now."

>

We have the chance to finally meet this Roger fellow. Unfortunately, it won't prove to be hugely interesting...

quote:

>n

Driving range
With the banquet just a few hours away, most people aren't willing to work up a sweat. As such, the driving range is all but uninhabited. While most of the course is just grass, the range has concrete walks, sparing you from the torture that is walking on grass in heels. The Pro Shop lies to the south.

Roger Knowles, a man who puts the 'old' in old money, stands here, occasionally hitting a ball off in to the green.

"Oh, Julia, it's you," Roger says, looking up. As he returns his concentration to the game, he continues, "What do you want?"

>x roger
While Pine Meadows's members have never been known for their progressive politics, Roger Knowles is considered a little old-fashioned even here. You'd be wise to watch your step around him; he's never liked you and, being a primary shareholder of the club, is likely to expel you should you disturb him too much.

>ask roger about keith
"Julia, I have no need of your gossip."

>ask roger about charles
Best not. You can get more out of Charles if you blackmail him directly.

>ask roger about banquet
"God, Julia, say something important or leave me alone," he spits, casting you a baleful glare.

He's not very chatty.

To progress, we actually do need to use Roger. It's not very obvious, but I don't want to deprive readers of a chance to figure it out themselves. Feel free to suggest things.

# ? May 19, 2017 21:15

Thesaya: May 17, 2011; I am a Plant.

show him the pills maybe? I doubt he'll give a drat but it's the only thing I can think of.

# ? May 19, 2017 21:26

Dancer: May 23, 2011

Update 8

Thesaya posted:

show him the pills maybe? I doubt he'll give a drat but it's the only thing I can think of.

Okay now you're making me feel stupid. I dunno why, I couldn't for the life of me figure out this step when I played the game.

quote:

Driving range

Roger Knowles, a man who puts the 'old' in old money, stands here, occasionally hitting a ball off in to the green.

Roger sights up and smacks a ball clear across the green.

>show pills to roger
Better not, he might think they're yours.

>ask roger about pills
You carefully feel Roger out about drugs.

"drat junkies," he spits, "they're ruining this country and this club. I will not have those people at Pine Meadows."

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

Garden

Melissa continues to read her book.

>blackmail mel with pills
"Oh, Melissa," you say, smiling, "I was just talking to Roger Knowles, you know, primary shareholder of the club, the man with the power to make or break? Well, he had some of the most interesting things to say about, how did he put it, oh yes, 'junkies.' I just thought you might--"

"Cut the crap, Julia, what do you want?" she says, her boldness replaced by anger.

"Now, now. No need for such language," you say, enjoying your moment. "Just give me the film and no one need know your dirty little secret."

"Fine, take it," she says, pulling a roll of film from her handbag and tossing it at you. With that, she stomps off from the garden. However, as she does, she calls back to you, a hint of satisfaction in her voice. "But if you want the photo itself, you might want to talk to the person who's behind all this."

"Who?" you ask, painfully aware of how little time is left until the banquet.

"Who do you think? Who stands to gain the most by you and Frank splitting up? Besides Frank of course." And with that, she's gone.

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

Tennis court

Beverly hops from foot to foot, waiting for a ball to come out of a serving machine at the other end of the court.

In a strangely crude move, Beverly shifts her bra uncomfortably.

>ask bev about photo
"I guess this is what you're after," Beverly says, fishing in to her blouse and pulling out a photo. "Sorry about all I've put you through today, it's just I couldn't afford to let you know I had it until the banquet. You've proved quite resourceful so far. Who knows? Had you known it were me from the start, you might have just been able to stop me." She puts the photo back in her blouse. "Really, Julia, Frank and all his money deserve to be with someone a little more faithful than you. And once he sees this photo he'll realize who that is. Men are so easy to bend when vulnerable, don't you agree?"

"Oh well," she says, turning off the machine and wiping the sweat from her brow. As she does, Beverly glances at her watch. "My, my. Look at the time. I must be getting ready for the banquet. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. I talked to Charles and told him about how it had been so long since I had seen Frank and he was more than willing to seat us all together. Isn't that wonderful?"

"See you there," she says, throwing her purse over her shoulder and walking off.

Beverly was right, the banquet is almost starting, which means Frank will be arriving soon. You run as fast as you can without breaking a sweat to the bathroom, toss your stuff in your locker, and go about making yourself look as presentable as possible. Quickly, you get the extra clothes from your locker, put them on and go about fixing your makeup. Within twenty minutes (a Pine Meadows record) you are ready and speed your way to the banquet hall, drawing more than a little bit of attention: running is as rare as running shoes amongst these people.

Unfortunately, Beverly is quicker than you are. Although she looks an absolute wreck, she does get ready faster than you. As you speed towards the hall, you see Beverly showing the photo to Frank amongst a crowd of people. From down the hall, Frank casts you a hurt glance before he leaves Pine Meadows, and your life, forever.

*** You've been stung by a wasp ***

In that game you scored 16 out of a possible 20, in 487 turns, earning you the rank of Dowager.

Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, UNDO your last move, give the FULL score for that game or QUIT?
>

We're getting close goons, but we're not quite there yet.

# ? May 19, 2017 22:04

inflatablefish: Oct 24, 2010

It would seem that sabotaging her clothes might be in order, do we have anything that can do that? If there's any bleach left we could pour it on them. I take it there's no way to change her locker combination so she can't get at her clothes at all?

Option B might be to put something very messy into the tennis machine so she needs to take a long time to clean up. Is there an egg in the kitchen?

# ? May 19, 2017 22:18

Dancer: May 23, 2011

Update 9

inflatablefish posted:

It would seem that sabotaging her clothes might be in order, do we have anything that can do that? If there's any bleach left we could pour it on them. I take it there's no way to change her locker combination so she can't get at her clothes at all?

Option B might be to put something very messy into the tennis machine so she needs to take a long time to clean up. Is there an egg in the kitchen?

LOL at option B. I wish that were the solution. Unfortunately no, bleach on clothes it is. (and trying option B only gets you stock responses).

quote:

Women's change room
>take beverly's clothes
Please, if you wanted to see yourself in these clothes, you'd look in a photo album from four years ago, when they were fashionable.

>pour bleach on clothes
Which do you mean, Beverly's clothes or the change of clothes?

>pour bleach on beverly's clothes
Careful not to completely ruin them, you pour a little of the bleach on to the clothes.

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

>change
Although those bushes took their toll, the worst might be yet to come. You should probably save these clothes for the banquet.

Tennis court

Beverly hops from foot to foot, waiting for a ball to come out of a serving machine at the other end of the court.

A rather aggressive serve by the machine thwacks Beverly on the thigh.

>ask bev about photo
"I guess this is what you're after," Beverly says, fishing in to her blouse and pulling out a photo. "Sorry about all I've put you through today, it's just I couldn't afford to let you know I had it until the banquet. You've proved quite resourceful so far. Who knows? Had you known it were me from the start, you might have just been able to stop me." She puts the photo back in her blouse. "Really, Julia, Frank and all his money deserve to be with someone a little more faithful than you. And once he sees this photo he'll realize who that is. Men are so easy to bend when vulnerable, don't you agree?"

"Oh well," she says, turning off the machine and wiping the sweat from her brow. As she does, Beverly glances at her watch. "My, my. Look at the time. I must be getting ready for the banquet. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. I talked to Charles and told him about how it had been so long since I had seen Frank and he was more than willing to seat us all together. Isn't that wonderful?"

"See you there," she says, throwing her purse over her shoulder and walking off.

Beverly was right, the banquet is almost starting, which means Frank will be arriving soon. You run as fast as you can without breaking a sweat to the bathroom, toss your stuff in your locker, and go about making yourself look as presentable as possible. Quickly, you get the extra clothes from your locker, put them on and go about fixing your makeup. Within twenty minutes (a Pine Meadows record) you are ready and speed your way to the banquet hall, drawing more than a little bit of attention: running is as rare as running shoes amongst these people.

Luckily, your speed pays off and you get to the banquet just in time. Frank is just arriving and Beverly is nowhere to be seen, apparently your tampering with her clothes slowed her down long enough. Just as the doors open, Beverly comes racing down the hall with a sweater tied around her waist, casting you a dirty look as she does. With that, you are all ushered in to the hall.

Banquet hall (at your table)
Well, here you are, seated at a table in what amounts to the most horrifically uncomfortable chair you have ever been upon. An ostentatious centerpiece, surrounded by candles with a program leaning against it, sits in the middle of the table, its baby's breath bouncing perilously close to the flames. All around you, the din of diners talking, plates clunking, and air-conditioners whirring, fade in to the background, allowing you to concentrate on the problem at hand.

Frank sits to one side, gazing fondly at you.

Beverly eyes you suspiciously and pulls her purse a little closer.

You nervously flip the menu over in your hands, absent-mindedly pretending to read.

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

>

And, we have made it to the final scene! I would give you guys a chance but a) the puzzle idea is fairly simple and b) it's a timing puzzle. So I'm just going to go ahead and finish the game.

First let's assess our surroundings and the situation.

quote:

>x frank
Looking at Frank, you wonder what ever attracted you to him in the first place. His skin is pale, his hair is limp, his body is flabby, and his clothes are outdated. Then you glance down at the bulge in his pants and remember: it was the size of his wallet.

Beverly takes a sip of her drink.

>x me
All things considered, you did a pretty good job getting ready. Your clothes are whole; your hair is fixed, and your makeup is done reasonably well. However, the current situation is taking its toll and beads of sweat roll down from your forehead.

>x bev
For all her bravado on the tennis court, Beverly seems to be a tad nervous. It's a lot easier to threaten to cause a scene and ruin a marriage than to actually do so. But if she's held on this long, there's no way she'll bow out now. In fact, you can see her hand dangling below the table, ready to fish out the photo from her purse at any moment.

Frank sips at his drink nervously.

>x purse
Beverly's purse lies open on the floor, the photograph tantalizingly visible on top, obviously to remind you of Beverly's plan.

Glancing up towards the stage, you see Charles preparing the podium for the speakers.

>take photo
"Tut, tut, Julia," Beverly whispers, "you needn't provoke me, I'll show Frank in due time."

>x candles
I guess Charles thinks that if the banquet is lit with these, people won't be able to see how tacky the whole thing is.

Frank gulps down the rest of his drink.

>x program
Damnit, with all that's happened today, it completely slipped your mind. But there it is, right in front of you. "Opening speech by Julia Hawthorne; Philanthropist of the Year." You better make your move quick, before you have to go on stage. Serves you right for doing something nice.

Draining her glass, Beverly licks the rim with relish. She always was a bit of a lush.

What we need to do is cause a distraction. We have an open flame, and items made of paper. Hammer, meet nail.

quote:

>burn menu
Trying to make it look as accidental as possible, you put the menu in to the flame. Within seconds it is flaring away, causing quite a scene.

"Your menu!" Frank shouts, jumping to his feet, surprisingly gallant. Quickly, he grabs one of the glasses from the table and dashes water over the burgeoning fire. It goes out with a hiss, leaving a puddle of ashy water and charred paper. "That was close," he wheezes, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

"Yes, a little too close," Beverly mutters, eyeing you suspiciously and moving her purse beneath her chair.

A team of waiters, hitherto immobilized with shock, move in to action. Within a few moments, the table is restored and people start getting back to waiting for their meals and gossiping amongst themselves.

>burn program
Better not, you already look like enough of a pyro.

>z
Time passes.

>z
Time passes.

>z
Time passes.

Suddenly, from the stage, the ceiling, and behind, speakers screech to life. "Testing." Charles voice sounds out from all corners of the room, a good deal less servile when pumped out at a hundred and ten decibels.

>z
Time passes.

"Now, to say a few words before the banquet, here's Julia Hawthorne, this year's philanthropist of the year," Charles says, gesturing to you with a wide sweep of his hand while an enormous circle of light falls on you from a spotlight above. "Let's give her a hand, everybody!" A round of applause ensues.

>z
Time passes.

You have no other choice. The time for action is over. Dejected, you make your way to the stage, hoping that Beverly chooses to prolong your anxiety for awhile longer and not show Frank the photo. Of course, hope is all you can do.

When you reach the stage, you cast a glance towards your table, just long enough to see Beverly showing something to Frank. As you begin your speech, Frank leaves the table, and your life, forever.

*** Your marriage is ruined ***

In that game you scored 18 out of a possible 20, in 518 turns, earning you the rank of Dowager.

Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, UNDO your last move, give the FULL score for that game or QUIT?
>

Foiled by our husband loving us too much to let us get lit on fire! What we need to do is wait until he's distracted himself. Let's reset the banquet.

quote:

[lots of time passing and people sipping drinks]

>z
Time passes.

"Here, Beverly, let me get that for you," Frank says, taking the empty glasses and calling over the waiter.

"Oh, Frank. You're such a gentleman. How does Julia ever keep her hands off of you?" she says, handing him her glass.

Frank chuckles. He always does that when he's nervous.

>z
Time passes.

A waiter comes by and removes the empty glasses, ignoring all requests for new drinks.

>z
Time passes.

Suddenly, from the stage, the ceiling, and behind, speakers screech to life. "Testing." Charles voice sounds out from all corners of the room, a good deal less servile when pumped out at a hundred and ten decibels.

>z
Time passes.

"Now, to say a few words before the banquet, here's Julia Hawthorne, this year's philanthropist of the year," Charles says, gesturing to you with a wide sweep of his hand while an enormous circle of light falls on you from a spotlight above. "Let's give her a hand, everybody!" A round of applause ensues.

>burn program
Trying to make it look as accidental as possible, you put the program in to the flame. At first, no one notices the small flame, and by the time they do, it's too late for them to do anything.

"Your program!" Frank shrieks, pointing frantically and lurching back from the table. His foot catches on the leg of his chair, and he is sent sprawling in to a dessert cart. Another time and you might have found that funny, but you've had your fill of schadenfreude for today.

Beverly, for once losing her icy composure, scrabbles away from the table as fast as she can.

The fire begins to spread.

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

>x fire
The fire rages out of control.

The fire spreads to the centrepiece, the cheap plastic leaves curling and spouting out plumes of foul-smelling smoke.

>x bev
Beverly stands paralyzed, not knowing whether to dive for her purse or dive for the door.

The flames web across the tablecloth, scorching the table underneath and sending waves of heat in to your face. You feel your nose soften. Dr. Rickers said it would take at least twice this much heat; that son of a bitch is so sued.

>x frank
Frank gibbers ineffectually as the fire rages out of control.

The fire licks at the table, sending out smoke that makes your head swim.

>take photo
With everyone distracted by the raging fire, you grab the photo. drat it's hot.

The table collapses in to a pile of flaming kindling, sending a scent reminiscent of your trip upstate in to the air.

All the smoke finally gets to you. Your mind clouds over for a moment, and your knees buckle from under you. The last thing you remember is pitching headlong in to the fire.

When you awaken a few days later, you learn that Frank never saw the photo. But your satisfaction is short lived. With all the scars on your face, that's probably the last photo in which you looked decent. Well maybe not decent.

*** Too bad, you fell out of the frying pan and in to the fire ***

In that game you scored 19 out of a possible 20, in 531 turns, earning you the rank of Dowager.

Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, UNDO your last move, give the FULL score for that game or QUIT?

I guess I spent too long examining things (and examining things took time, which it often doesn't in such games. Let's undo just a few steps.

quote:

>z
Time passes.

"Now, to say a few words before the banquet, here's Julia Hawthorne, this year's philanthropist of the year," Charles says, gesturing to you with a wide sweep of his hand while an enormous circle of light falls on you from a spotlight above. "Let's give her a hand, everybody!" A round of applause ensues.

>burn program
Trying to make it look as accidental as possible, you put the program in to the flame. At first, no one notices the small flame, and by the time they do, it's too late for them to do anything.

"Your program!" Frank shrieks, pointing frantically and lurching back from the table. His foot catches on the leg of his chair, and he is sent sprawling in to a dessert cart. Another time and you might have found that funny, but you've had your fill of schadenfreude for today.

Beverly, for once losing her icy composure, scrabbles away from the table as fast as she can.

The fire begins to spread.

[Your score has just gone up by one point.]

>take photo
With everyone distracted by the raging fire, you grab the photo. drat it's hot.

The fire spreads to the centrepiece, the cheap plastic leaves curling and spouting out plumes of foul-smelling smoke.

>x photo
It's no Annie Leibowitz, but you can still clearly make out both you and Keith. Hmm, you didn't realize you were so flexible.

The flames web across the tablecloth, scorching the table underneath and sending waves of heat in to your face. You feel your nose soften. Dr. Rickers said it would take at least twice this much heat; that son of a bitch is so sued.

>burn photo
With a rather dramatic flourish (hey, you deserve it) you crumple up the photo and toss it in to the fire. As it burns, so does Beverly's hope of destroying your marriage. Not that she stops trying, though. Frank tells you later that week about a phone call from her, but without any proof, his blind adoration of you wins out over suspicion.

The fire that resulted during the banquet ended up destroying a good portion of the building. Good riddance, you say, the club was past its prime and it was more fitting that it go out with flare rather than dwindle away to mediocrity.

*** You have won ***

In that game you scored 20 out of a possible 20, in 530 turns, earning you the rank of Diva.

Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, UNDO your last move, give the FULL score for that game, see some suggestions for AMUSING things to do or QUIT?
>

That's the end of the game everybody

. We've secured our manage and the money that comes with it, and haven't even killed anyone in the process. Hope you enjoyed the trip. We've actually already done most of the "amusing" things that the game suggests. Here's the few that we've missed:

quote:

>kiss melissa
Hey, I don't know what you heard, but that time in Bryn Mawr was a one-time thing!

>kiss bev
You're not getting anywhere near her acid tongue.

>kiss cissy
Uck, there's still bits of Danish around her mouth. You'd think someone with so much practice eating wouldn't miss so much.

>kiss charles
Knowing where his lips have been, you'd rather not.

>kiss roger
Roger intercepts your advance with a wrinkled hand. "Don't try your charms on me. Consider your membership revoked."

Getting kicked out isn't so bad, it's the fact that everyone knows why that is. After all, kissing an eighty-four year-old is hardly considered genteel, unless of course you're in the will.

*** You've been stung by a wasp ***

(you get that same message if you try to undress in front of Roger)

quote:

>eat salad
If you wanted to put something limp and wilted in your mouth... Ok, that one's a little dirty even for you.

quote:

>tell Frank about Keith
First casting a defiant look at Beverly, you turn to Frank, take his hand in yours, and pinch your thigh to get some authentic tears flowing.

"Frank, I have to tell you something..."

After what seems like hours of tears, pleads, and yells, things finally settle down. It's over. Not that it's the worst loss or anything, you just wish you hadn't signed that pre-nupt.

*** Your marriage is ruined ***

LP over

. I intend to start a significantly heavier game soon enough, so if you enjoy IF games, stick around.

# ? May 19, 2017 23:24

inflatablefish: Oct 24, 2010

That was fun, thank you!

You might want to pace out your early updates a little, so more people have chance to participate while the puzzles are easy!

# ? May 20, 2017 11:47

bbcisdabomb: Jan 15, 2008; SHEESH

That was a fun game, thanks for sharing! It's really one of those games where the best part is just how awful everyone is, isn't it?

# ? May 22, 2017 05:14

dscruffy1: Nov 22, 2007; Look out!; Nap Ghost

I always kick a kick out of these sorts of games even though I'm usually really bad at them. This is pretty much deliciously WASPy and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Thanks for playing it!

# ? May 22, 2017 09:58

Dancer: May 23, 2011

Thank you for the words goons

.

It had occurred to me that this genre may appeal to people on some level when written well, but that said people may not necessarily want to go through the frustration that comes with getting stuck. That, combined with the relatively small workload required on my end is a significant part of what made me choose this. It's my little niche where I can actually offer "decent" LPs without having to work with boatloads of screenshots or video editing. I will start another short game fairly soon.

# ? May 26, 2017 00:50

Blue Labrador: Feb 17, 2011

This was a really cool game! I especially enjoyed how devoted the game was to its tone; it committed hard to being maliciously Hilton and entirely self aware, down to the constant barbs in the text. Thanks for showing it off!

I will admit though I thought Keith was going to be revealed to be the mastermind, he did want us to himself after all. The theatrically destructive finale made up for an equally satisfying ending though.

Blue Labrador fucked around with this message at 05:22 on May 27, 2017

# ? May 26, 2017 12:17

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# ? May 2, 2024 17:24

David Corbett: Feb 6, 2008; Courage, my friends; 'tis not too late to build a better world.

That was beautifully soap operatic. Thanks for putting it on!

# ? May 26, 2017 19:50

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > How to not lose your wealthy husband - LP Sting of the Wasp