- mewse
- May 2, 2006
-
|
Someone post that book review so I can copy/paste into the Facebook comments and get edge points.
quote:
I just bought a copy of Matt Hughes book, and am in 3 chapters already. It is borderline unbelievable. I figured from all the FRAT postings that not everyone on the UG is a big reader, so I'm doing you all a favour. I'm reading it for you and providing a synopsis, chapter by chapter. As astounding as some of this sounds, everything I post is actually in the book. Here it goes:
Chapter 1
Matt talks about growing up on a farm, and what repulsive little brats he and Mark were growing up. To this day, he thinks their childhood "mischief" like breaking **** all the time, being disobedient to their parents, and being cruel to animals is funny. After reading chapter one, you'll find yourself thinking, "Somebody should have beat those kids asses"
Chapter 2
Matt talks about how he and Mark virtually hated each other in jr. high, and high school. He also talks about how he was better, and smarter than Mark at everything.
Chapter 3
Things take a very interesting turn in chapter 3 when Mark and Matt's father has the balls to scold Mark for riding a motorcycle without a helmet. Without letting him finish, the Hughes brothers, physically attack their father, and beat the **** out of him, finally showing him who's boss. Later Mark threatens to throw his mom out of a window or something like that when she's stupid enough to correct him. Not surprisingly the family splits up.
Chapter 4
Matt cheats his way through college getting A's in classes he proudly says he never attended. He and the other wrestlers bully everybody at Lincoln Junior College, and break a bunch of ****. They tip over people's cars, and flood the dorms on purpose. We reach a new low, when he also makes light of the fact that one of his college buddies could not read or write. He then takes time to bash Frank Trigg, saying that he "never became anything."
Later it gets even more disturbing when he describes mutilating a live baby piglet by cutting off it's testicles, and throwing them at a friend. For good measure he slits it's stomach open as it screams wildly to "freak his friend out." After he and Mark brutally torture and kill a dozen or so baby pigs, solely for entertainment, they starts throwing their testicles and body parts at each other. Matt even now still seems amused because his friend looked like he was going to vomit.
A family member shoots himself over a girl, and Matt skips the funeral decided to go to a wrestling meet instead. After getting drunk one night they take a bunch of girls "swimming" in some sort of pond/rain water/sewer runoff. There is a whirlpool that's formed in the sewage pond, and Matt and 2 other drunk college kids get caught in the current. Matt pulls himself out but the 2 other kids drowned. He talks about how God saved him.(apparently God hated the other 2 drunk college kids) They feel so sorry for the 2 kids that died, that the same night the go out and get drunk again, and look for girls. They end up at a house party, and are having no luck with the girls, so they started eating food from the cabinets and refrigerator. When confronted by the home's owner, they throw him through a window, and leave before the cops get there. Matt then starts fighting MMA and kicking everyone's rear end easily. Pat Miletich refs one of Matt's fights, and is so impressed he invites him to train with them.
On a side note, for a guy who's disgusted by the language Serra uses, I've counted 14 curse words to this point in the book.
I forgot in Chapter 4, him and Mark both make-out with the same 8th grade girl while they are in college. Why he would include that I have no idea. It had nothing to do with the story.
Chapter 5
Chapter 5 is mostly uneventful, just talks about his first fight in Japan, and so on. He does manage to say "I would have done anything for a country breakfast in Japan" which did nauseate me momentarily. The end of the chapter starts picking up momentum when at Mark's wedding, the boys snub their dad, not allowing him in the family photos. Later, after getting completely plastered they beat the **** out of their new in-laws at the wedding reception, and the entire event turns into what Matt calls "A Battle Royal."
Chapter 6
This chapter should have been titled "I am such a badass." Matt misses no opportunity to pat himself on the back for his fights. He talks about steamrolling everybody. Later Matt shows his utter lack of character when he divulges that he guilt-tripped a fellow mitetich guy into letting him win a grappling match at the Abu Dhabis so he could get the bonus money for fastest submission. The guy fakes like Matt submitted him, earning Matt $1,500 for fastest submission. The way Hughes rationalized it was "The winner faced Tito Ortiz, and we both knew I was the only one that would have a chance against him." He admits Tito beat him in the grappling match, but remembers being surprised at how much stronger he was than Tito. He basically says Tito got lucky in beating him. More later on.
Chapter 7
Matt talks about how he and Jens Pulver used to belittle new members at the Miletich gym. He talks about how they both made fun of and ignored a fat kid who was seemingly in awe of them. That fat kid was Tim Sylvia. He talks about how the UFC temporarily released him "by mistake." He finished the chapter by divulging that he likes to eat at Hooters, and he knocked up the gym skank, who he describes as having "nice boobs, even though they were fake" and "her hips were a little too wide for his taste." Apparently not to wide to impregnate.
Chapter 8
Matt starts this chapter by sexually assaulting the aforementioned 8th grader, who's now 21, in public at a grocery store. Or "Smacking her on the rear end" as he called it. Matt notices that her body is "tighter" now that she's grown up, and not the same 13 year old he'd made out with in college. For some reason Matt immediately tells her that he knocked his girlfriend up, and seems utterly outraged that she has decided she's
keeping the baby.
After making it back to her parents house he again begins fondling her on the couch by reaching through a hole in her jeans. He goes on to describe how he noticed she didn't shave her legs that day. (At this point I started to wonder if I mistakenly was reading Penthouse Forum or something.)
The story line changes out of nowhere and Matt begins describing how an opponent who he was mauling once whispered to him to "take the arm," or in other words, I've had enough, please just arm-bar me, and leave me a little dignity. Matt decided he wanted to "take out some more aggression", and continued to beat the **** out of him for another round.
Also, at the end of the chapter the victim of his sexual assault, for some reason I can't begin to fathom, breaks up with him.
Chapter 9
This chapter tells a story about how Tim Sylvia approached Matt like a man, and asked Matt why he had a problem with him when no one else at Miletich does. Matt then goes on to describe the look on Tim's face when Tim who was hoping to bury the hatchet, gets told that he's lazy, not a team player, and Matt didn't like him. Matt takes joy in the fact that he knew exactly how he was treating Tim, and Tim was hoping he'd apologize or something.
Tim, obviously crushed says that Matt has always been one of his heroes, and he'd do anything to be his friend. Matt then tells him he's got enough friends, and that Tim can't buy acceptance by following his team mates around to UFCs when he's not invited.
This chapter is interrupted by a bunch of pictures of Matt being repulsive at different ages. There's a repulsive Matt baby picture, a repulsive Matt toddler picture, a repulsive Matt with a mullet high school picture, a repulsive Matt adult with family picture. The one that tops it all off is a picture of him writing this book on a, I **** you not, typewriter. It looks to be 60 or so years old. But hey, he is from the country I guess.
He then talks about Tito getting knocked out on the street, and what a dick Tito always was to him.
He ends the chapter in typical fashion talking about his sexual assault victim waiting for him to get home from Europe one night, sitting in a car outside his house. He takes that opportunity to let us all know he wouldn't see her that night because he was "too busy spending the night in someone else's bed."
Come to find out, the victim sitting in the car would later become his wife. I bet she loved the fact that he included that little tid bit in his book.
Chapter 10
Matt is up to more shenanigans as he starts dropping by his ex-victim's house, who wants nothing to do with him, when she's not there, and pretty much kidnapping her three year old son so he can spend time with him. She finds out about it and puts a stop to it, the way her parents should have put a stop to college age Matt and Mark making out with her when she was 13.
From here we go to a weird story about how Matt refused to walk all of the way to the bathroom in a bar at a casino in Las Vegas, and would just publicly urinate near the bar while pretending to be getting another drink because it was "dark enough in there to get away with it." I'm at a loss for why that was included in the book. At that same bar his brother Mark's wife refused to get on the bar and dance with some other skanks despite the fact that Mark had ordered her to. She left the bar upset.
He then talks about his ex-victim deciding to get breast implants in the plastic surgery mecca of the U.S., Cedar Rapids. She wanted to know if Matt would stay with her for a day after her surgery because she would be highly medicated. Matt agreed and took full advantage of a still very groggy patient and had sex with her THE DAY AFTER HER SURGERY, which unfortunately "tore some stitches." He also says that this was the first time he saw her completely naked because she always wore her shirt when they had sex before. I didn't know what to make of that either.
He finishes up by talking about how he destroyed Sherk for 5 rounds, and then says he encouraged Sylvia after he tested positive for steroids.
Chapter 11
This chapter was a whole lot of nothing. Matt beat the hell out of Trigg. Matt was beating BJ Penn but just got caught with a good right hand. Matt gets married and has a 24 hour honeymoon which includes dinner at Steak N Shake, and watching the boy he was kidnapping earlier, who is now his step-son swim at a cheap motel pool. That's right, they took the kid with them on their honeymoon. Nice little reminder that someone else has slept with your new bride if you ask me. Still no mention of Matt's other kid so far. You know, the one he wanted to have his ex abort. He also says that some guy started talking to him about becoming a
Christian.
Chapter 12
We now find Matt at an orphanage in Mexico helping out as a missionary. After some prodding, he becomes a Christian in Mexico, and returns home a few days later. He immediately starts lecturing his wife, who for some reason he now calls "Mom" even when they're alone, about her language and her spiritual life. She's not having it, and starts bringing up all of the girls he slept with in the past.(something he still seems to be just a little proud of) He beats Trigg�??s rear end again, and then his step son gets in trouble at school for kicking other kindergarteners, and Matt instructs him to use his shin next time instead of his toe.
Chapter 13
This ************ is out of his mind.
For some reason he still calls his wife/victim "mom." Dana calls and wants him to coach tuf 2. Matt tells "mom" he's unsure about being away from her for 6 weeks, because he doesn't want to end up like Randy Couture, and leave his long time wife for someone he met while filming tuf. Where does this dude get off airing Randy's dirty laundry??? "Mom" then assures him that he's no Randy Couture. I would also like to take this time to personally reassure him that he is no Randy Couture. And who the hell worries about leaving their wife if they can't see them for 6 weeks. What the ****?
He also takes time to tell us that everything about Randy "radiated decency....except for his actions." What the hell is going on here?
He also tells Dana that he WILL NOT CUSS on the show. He will apparently do it in his book though
He next proceeds to forget his 6 year old step son is with him at the tuf training facility, and drives away leaving him there for over an hour.
Later he can't believe a guy has the balls to ask for his autograph while he and "mom" are eating, and regrets to this day that he signed it.
He talks about filming the country breakfast commercial.
Later while training at MFS, some young fighter from TUF who is now training at Miletich has the nerve to come up and talk to him after practice like they're on the same level. Hughes is completely pissed that this nobody thinks he is worthy to talk to him, but because he's a Christian he's decides he must be nice to the kid.
Matt then does a complete 180 and says maybe he was a little judgemental of Randy. A little? Again, what the hell is wrong with this ************.
Chapter 14......Finally
I really am out of town without the book, but the outcry for a conclusion has been so great that I actually went to Borders books last night and read chapter 14 so I could post my synopsis today.
Matt begins this chapter by telling a story about him insulting Joe Riggs......in front of Joe's wife. Apparently a few months after Matt beat Joe, he ran into Joe and his wife somewhere. Joe introduces Matt to his wife, and Matt says, "Hi, I'm Matt, I'm the guy that beat up your husband a few months ago." Matt says everyone laughed, except for Joe and his wife, which led me to wonder who "everyone" was. He also mentions, for some unknown reason, that he had sex with his wife in Pat Miletich's room,the day before his fight with Riggs. It's said almost with the overtones of Matt being a "playboy" or something like that. I guess it's better than being proud of sleeping with someone besides her like he described earlier.
Next he takes time to talk about how he basically owned Brock Lesnar when he came to train with MFS, submitting him with ease. He also talks about not being impressed with Lesnar in several ways. One, he wasn't impressed with his wrestling credentials, because Matt himself was every bit as much an elite wrestler. Two, and even more amazing, he says he was surprised that Lesnar "wasn't that big," only 6'2" or 6'3". This is coming from a guy who's pushing 5'8". That's like Jason Reinhardt being surprised by how many cans Chuck Liddell has fought.
We then move to his fight with Royce Gracie, or as Matt refers to him sarcastically "the ninja." After basically trashing everything the Gracie's, and Royce in particular, have accomplished he then goes on to talk about how he wasn't worried about Gracie at all. He knew he was a myth. He describes their fight, and says he was again surprised by how much better was on the ground than Royce "the ninja". At one point he even says that Royce didn't seem to know what he was doing from the bottom, and wasn't even trying to counter anything Matt was throwing at him. He also intimates the fact that he really wanted to break Royce's arm, but had to settle for a choke.
The chapter finishes up with him and Liddell being at Disney World together with their families, and all but calling Chuck an attention whore. Matt says he tries to steer clear of attention in public, but Chuck makes sure everyone notices who he is.
Another thing I've noticed Matt mentioning repeatedly in the book is that he's red headed. He said it at least 5 times now. My question is, when did that become something people brag about? Every red headed kid I ever knew took **** for their hair. But Matt embraces it.
Something else that is really hard to stomach that keeps surfacing in the book is the fact that Matt loves manual labor. He only agreed to go to Mexico on the missionary trip because they promised him he'd be doing "manual labor." He constantly congratulates himself for his farm bred work ethic saying at one point, "Hey, if there's some sort of work to be done, you know I'll be there."
Chapter 15
Matt starts by describing how he intentionally got an argument going between Matt Serra, and Mark Laimon on TUF. He goes on to talk about while he was there he could tell that George St. Pierre was afraid of him. He says St. Pierre is the last person he'd want on his side in combat or a street fight because it's one thing to be tough in a cage, and another to be tough in a street fight in an alley. Apparently Matt now also fancies himself a street fighter. Someone should remind him that it's one thing to be tough while kicking your dad's rear end alone, but a completely different thing to be tough while kicking your dad's rear end with your brother.
Next, Matt quotes his wife bitching about something during which she drops 2 F-bombs. Really classy lady imo. Matt then reneges on a promotional appearance he was scheduled for.
Matt's wife then has a C-section, and Matt comments that the doctor had red hair. I still don't know what the deal is with the constant focus on red hair.
Not long after the birth a Mom is again hospitalised when she is feeling sick, and that's when the details get a little sketchy and the story takes a strange turn. Without explaining clearly why, Matt claims to have jumped on top of his wife while she was laying in the hospital bed recovering, and she forcefully pushed him off. He fell backward and hit his head on a table, and was momentarily dazed, almost knocked out. What is it with surgery and sex with this guy?
Chapter 16
Matt begins the final chapter of his illustrious literary work by talking to Pat Miletich about his upcoming rematch with BJ Penn. Matt says he was a little unsure of himself when taking that match. His nerves were calmed, however, when looking across the cage at BJ he noticed, and I quote, "that silver spoon's been putting a lot of food in his mouth, he looks plain fat."
He goes on to describe how he was absolutely dominating the stand-up in that fight. I for one was wondering if he was talking about the same fight I saw. He says that Tito was yelling encouragement to BJ and Mark Hughes told him that he'd better shut up. I'm sure Tito was petrified.
BJ tried a dirty move by poking him in the eye, but that didn't stop Matt's domination of the stand-up. Big John then stopped the fight. And Mark
Hughes continues telling Tito that "he's nothing, he's nobody, he's a freaking idiot."
GSP stole Matt's glory by showing no class when he came in the cage and said he was not impressed. Matt responds in true badass street fighter style by telling GSP, "you just showed me who you really are." No, Matt, he'll show you who he really is on two separate occasions in the months to come.
After some redneck bullshit where Rachel Leah got burned twice and some guy almost died on an ATV at Hughes' farm we fast forward to the GSP fight. Matt says GSP only started beating him after kicking him in the balls twice, and that he wasn't even knocked out when Big John stopped the fight. His next fight he destroys Chris Lytle.
Something else in the book that I couldn't bear to write about is Matt's use of "the witchdoctor." He never goes into great detail, but apparently the witchdoctor is a faith healer that hangs around Matt all of the time.
The book ends with Matt laughing about GSP losing to Serra, and him being excited enough about fighting Serra to coach TUF again. He then walks outside to breathe that "fresh Hillsboro country air."
|
#
¿
Jun 2, 2017 16:23
