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DONT TOUCH ME IM MADE OF GLASS RATS ARE EATING MY BRAIN *digs up corpse of trusted adviser I killed and puts it on trial, uses ventriloquism to answer my own questions* RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGHHHHH *determines course of western world history for a century and a half*
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Jun 5, 2017 18:49
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| # ? May 6, 2024 00:32 |
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Sit down, I am a dentist! *produces pliers* Okay, haha. I'm not a dentist, but I am the Tsar! *blood*
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Jun 5, 2017 19:04
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*hides a few pieces of chicken in sleeves for later snacking*
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Jun 5, 2017 19:21
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*has never seen weekend at bernies and claims to have relevant world view*
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Jun 5, 2017 19:57
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"hello ladies" *drools uncontrollably*
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Jun 5, 2017 20:00
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check out out a commoner just waved at me, hold my scepter cuz im gonna wave him back!
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Jun 5, 2017 20:02
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*boils commoner alive for wearing a purple shirt*
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Jun 5, 2017 20:18
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* lmbo ima gonna make a colony in america *
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Jun 5, 2017 20:19
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*masturbates furiously*
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Jun 5, 2017 20:21
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*plays a jolly game of Crusader Kings, but IRL*
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Jun 5, 2017 20:21
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*incestual in-loving for centuries* "Hi I'm your king now lol"
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Jun 5, 2017 20:22
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*casts a lubricious glance at serving wench* *gets a kerfuffle of arousal in pantaloons*
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Jun 5, 2017 20:23
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*murders several of my own knights in a sudden eruption of raging confusion and paranioa* *Lapses into a catatonic state thereafter* *Drifts in and out of sanity for several decades, while my court collapses into faction and foreign powers ravage my lands*
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Jun 5, 2017 20:23
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*starts a new state religion so I can gently caress a hot chick after getting bored with wife* *kills commoners who don't convert*
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Jun 5, 2017 20:24
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I will now go on a crusade and leave the task of ruling my kingdom to my disgruntled half-brother. Disgruntled half-brother, please take good care of my kingdom.
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Jun 5, 2017 20:26
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*Dies from eating 300 melons in one sitting*
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Jun 5, 2017 20:27
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*commits genocide against ethnic minority because a hallucinatory dog told him to*
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Jun 5, 2017 20:27
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a bone to pick posted:*incestual in-loving for centuries* Failed, yes, but tried.
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Jun 5, 2017 20:29
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*bangs prostitutes non-stop for two years after being proclaimed king*
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Jun 5, 2017 20:39
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Psychedelicatessen posted:*bangs prostitutes non-stop for two years after being proclaimed king* *has prostitute buried alive to avoid discovery when political marriage is arranged with neighbor kingdom's 14 year old princess who is also my cousin*
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Jun 5, 2017 20:41
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*Inherits heavy responsibilities not prepared for, has to marry some unknown for political reasons, gets blamed every time something goes wrong, has to spend whole life at war putting down rebellions, turns to drink and other vice, tragic descent into alcoholism joked about by sad alcoholic nerds 1700 years later*
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Jun 5, 2017 20:48
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Fucks a horse
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Jun 5, 2017 20:49
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Grevling posted:*Inherits heavy responsibilities not prepared for, has to marry some unknown for political reasons, gets blamed every time something goes wrong, has to spend whole life at war putting down rebellions, turns to drink and other vice, tragic descent into alcoholism joked about by sad alcoholic nerds 1700 years later* If had only lived a thousand years ago... I could have been the goon king
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Jun 5, 2017 20:53
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*well-meaning and naive* *tricked by treacherous advisers into boiling half the peasantry alive and annexing nearby kingdoms* The Aristocrats!
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Jun 5, 2017 20:55
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people with aspergers can love !
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Jun 5, 2017 21:00
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*Officially declares war on neighboring country that has an army 3x more trained and better equipped than mine that was previously minding its own business* *Spends rest of the day vigorously ejaculating on a canary* *The next day, my head gets chopped off and rolls around in the ashes of my razed city* Also: the English monarch during the American Revolution thought if you planted meat in the ground you could grow meat trees.  https://prezi.com/lm-qsx4powcl/king-george-iii/
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Jun 5, 2017 21:33
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| # ? May 6, 2024 00:32 |
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has sex with just like, a bunch of little people dressed as mermaids and poo poo
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Jun 5, 2017 21:51
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