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so the ice cream is 1 cup heavy cream, 1/3rd cup ranch, 3/8ths cup of white sugar. i just poured it into a ziploc baggie and shook it up/massaged it to aerate it every half hour for about four hours before letting it rest the dorito crumble is: 14 tablespoons unsalted butter 1/2 cup white sugar 3/4 cup brown sugar 2 cups crushed doritos melt the butter, mix in the white sugar, mix in the rest until everything is moist, then smash it flat on parchment paper and throw it in the fridge for an hour. then bake it at 350 for ~30 mins and it'll be crumbly dry chocolate sauce was 6oz of dark chocolate melted over a saucepan with about half a cup of heavy cream, a tbsp of sugar, and a quarter cup of ranch? mostly eyeballed the amounts and tweaked to taste franch toast stuffing is an onion caramelized down to a brown goo, then a bunch of blackberries, dates, figs, bit of rosemary, a third a packet of ranch, a tbsp of sugar, and 2 tbsp of butter and that simmered until the liquid was gone, then i deglazed with like a half cup of port and let all that boil off so theres just a gooey fruity sweet and savory mess i crammed that into some challah bread cut like two inches tall, dipped the tower in the normal 2 eggs, 1/3rd cup milk, and a third a pack of ranch seasoning, then pan fried to make french toast then put it all on the plate ~~~~
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Jun 12, 2017 01:40
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That looks pretty amazing Dinner is prepped and I'm just waiting for my oven to finish heating
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Jun 12, 2017 01:51
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my concept is that i want to produce three courses that accruately communicate my feelings about ranch to the diner. i will introduce the theme of each dish as it is presented to you. the theme of first course is pain. i have plated a trio of ranch-dusted penny nails, a ranch-dipped chile japones and as a drink pairing, a shot glass - rimmed with crushed cool ranch doritos - of seagrams gin, with a single drop of blood. 
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Jun 12, 2017 01:56
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lmao
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Jun 12, 2017 02:00
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Al! posted:my concept is that i want to produce three courses that accruately communicate my feelings about ranch to the diner. i will introduce the theme of each dish as it is presented to you. 
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Jun 12, 2017 02:02
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Al! posted:my concept is that i want to produce three courses that accruately communicate my feelings about ranch to the diner. i will introduce the theme of each dish as it is presented to you. So, did you sous-vide the nails or just roast them outright?
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Jun 12, 2017 02:11
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fucken lmao you're all amazing
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Jun 12, 2017 02:20
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First, we prep some accompaniments. Lime ranch butter is exactly what it sounds like:   We need some chili powder:    And a dip for tempura:     [timg]It starts out as teriyaki, then into Teriyaki Ranch, and finally Hot Ranch. Now it's time to cook! Let's get a cornbread going:     I forgot to get buttermilk, so we'll cheat with milk and lime juice, but first the cornmeal needs to soak in the milk for a while. We reserve a little bit of it on the side to mix the baking powder and soda in. A cast iron pan goes into the oven to heat up. Also, we get things together for Cspamish rice, but then remember we need to do something else first. First, dice up the onion and garlic.       Brown and season some ground beef for stuffing, and set aside. Then back to the rice:     Get some of that very beautiful chicken fat off the top of the stock and cook up some onions. Then sautee the rice, add chili powder and garlic, and into the rice cooker it goes!    Add chicken stock and some ranch seasoning. As is the C-SPAM tradition, a tomato goes on top, accompanied by some thyme and oregano. Push butan. The cooker will handle the rest and keep the rice nice and warm for as long as it takes to get the rest together. Now back to stuffing peppers.       We grate a mix of Cheddar, Mozzarella, and Gruyere, chop up some cilantro, and coarsely grind a new ingredient: Salsa Verde flavored Doritos! Hollow out the peppers (small tongs work great for pulling out excess pith) and then stuff them up but good. A couple of toothpicks to hold the caps on and a nice oil coat is applied and they're ready for the oven. So's the cornbread:    This pan is now at 400 degrees, so we take care not to grab with our bare hands, although every few years we forget and then we get to wear a single cotton glove like Michael Jackson for a few days. We melt a couple of tablespoons of bacon fat in it, then pour most of it into the batter, leaving the pan nicely greased. Also, in quick succession, the lime juice goes in the batter, and then the remaining dry mix, and then the whole foaming mess goes in the pan and in the oven. Just a couple more things to prep now:      We make two batters, a rice tempura augmented with Doritos, the other a thick batter of Mountain Dew and Doritos, with rice flour to hold it together. We set up a fry station. Our main dishes are done! Pull them out and quickly fry up our mushrooms.    We are finally ready to eat!  Dorito tempura mushrooms with Hot Ranch. The mushrooms were great. The Hot Ranch, honestly, was not. The heat and the ginger were nice against the bland mushrooms, but teriyaki should not be so greasy. It might have worked if I'd left out either the mirin or the soy sauce. The mushrooms were rescued by serving neat ranch on the side, which worked much better.  Dorito-stuffed poblano with Cspamish rice and Dorito Cornbread with Lime Ranch butter. The pepper was great. The Doritos weren't super obvious, but the gooey corny mess they made was very nice and kept the stuffing from just tumbling out when you cut into the pepper. The rice tasted excellent, though the C-SPAM method of mushing a tomato into it after cooking made it rather wet, not really what Spanish rice is supposed to be, but good nevertheless. The cornbread was moist and delicious, though not particularly dorito-y, and the tang of the lime ranch butter was surprisingly good against the sweet cornbread. And now, time for dessert! Back to the fry station.      We're making hush puppies! The frozen Mountain Dew jello cubes are wrapped in the batter and fried up good.  This was a moderate success. No explosions, which was my main worry, but a somewhat disappointing result. The jello melted around the edges but was still half-frozen in the middle, and it turns out Mountain Dew is not the proper choice of jello for this application. It's not sweet enough, nor does it have much flavor. I think this would have worked a lot better with regular jello made at double strength. Now, I have a kitchen to clean. Will be back tomorrow to watch the contest. Duscat fucked around with this message at 02:47 on Jun 12, 2017 |
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Jun 12, 2017 02:45
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Main dish So, when I saw this challenge, I had originally planned to do a Doritos crusted chicken fillet, like a super hosed up schnitzel. However, after seeing another friend chicken, I decided to change my plans. So thinking on what kind of ranch dishes I would actually enjoy eating, I settled on pizza. I added ground Doritos to the dough since I like the crunch of corn meal in my pizza dough. Then I decided to   I also seared and roasted some mushrooms and onions in a ranch butter to serve alongside the pizza. I had planned to also make fried pickles, but I got lazy  
The Glumslinger fucked around with this message at 16:50 on Jun 12, 2017 |
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Jun 12, 2017 02:52
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those tempura mushrooms look good
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Jun 12, 2017 02:52
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im frankly astonished, what a good loving post though Duscat posted:stuff them up but good phrasing
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Jun 12, 2017 02:53
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god drat
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Jun 12, 2017 02:54
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vHRMeRszw4
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Jun 12, 2017 03:06
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And now the dessert So I tried to think of what would be a good flavor carrier for this that would work as a sweet dessert course. I had considered cheating and doing a cheese course, but I was eventually inspired: I would make Ranch Meringue Cookies. After searching online and finding any proof that anyone had ever tried this before, I knew my course was set. So, I had never made meringue before, but I knew some of the basics, don't let any fat get in there and don't let the yolk get in there.   So, they turned out pretty good. The egg foam didn't fall apart despite not having cream of tartar. I probably overcooked them, as the inside wasn't moist. But still, the biggest problem was the ranch flavor. Those spices do not belong in something like this. They're not inedible, but of everything they were by far the most negatively effected by the addition of ranch. Next time, I'll just do lemon/cinnamon/vanilla.
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Jun 12, 2017 03:08
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main course: theme: in-edibility this course includes hdmi cable gnocchetti served room temperature tossed lightly with a ranch balsamic vinagrette and locally-sourced microgreens, a ranch and egg yolk mock-egg, a blackened-tortilla "taquito" with ranch/sardine foam, topped with a fillet of sardine with mustard sauce  because i like you guys im gonna share my favorite forging location but do not absolutely DO NOT share this plz 
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Jun 12, 2017 03:12
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The Glumslinger posted:Ranch Meringue Cookies i was really thinking about doing a ranch meringue pie but i dont have a mixer and i didnt want to try to whip it up by hand and then see it collapse since im dumb as poo poo when it comes to cooking science and i dont know how meringues work but it sounds like there might be something there, though!! what might work would be pulling the ranch out of the meringue itself, then doing like a lemon tart cookie with a bit of lemon jam on it, with a smaller dollop of meringue so it cooks all the way through, and sprinkling that with a bit of ranch powder before throwing it in the oven?????? im loving intrigued by meringue cookies now, this thread is pure magic
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Jun 12, 2017 03:18
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Jesus Christ, that is one of the shitposts I have seen in years.
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Jun 12, 2017 03:20
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Al! posted:main course: holy poo poo from the picture that gnocchetti legitimately looks delicious
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Jun 12, 2017 03:20
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you beautiful monster
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Jun 12, 2017 03:21
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where's the fried orbs
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Jun 12, 2017 03:33
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Jazerus posted:where's the fried orbs did you skip duscats post
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Jun 12, 2017 03:34
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more than half a half dozen fried orbs posted itt
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Jun 12, 2017 03:46
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Ok, so recipe time: Ranch corn bread 1 cup yellow polenta 3/4 cup AP flour 1/2 cup ground doritos 3 teaspoons baking powder 1/4 teaspoon salt 2 eggs 3/4 cup nonfat plain Greek yogurt 1/2 cup Ranch dressing 1 tablespoon honey 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted 3-4 jalapenos peppers, diced (omitted, I added a generous teaspoon of cayenne pepper instead) Ranch seasoning to taste Grated Cheddar cheese Mix dry and wet ingredient together separately, then combine. Pour into greased muffin tins, and sprinkle with chedder. 400 degree oven for 15-20 minutes or until you get too afraid of the cheese burning. If you want to make these, I would 100% sub the ranch back for milk. But really I would make Duscats Cornbread, it looked way better Cobb Salad Already explained Pizza dough I will say, Serious Eats knows there poo poo on pizza dough, this was adapted from their new york style crust. 2 cups bread flour 1/2 finely ground doritos (For a non IC, use corn meal) 1 cup water 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon sugar Ranch seasoning packet 1 packet yeast Combine yeast, warm water and sugar in a cup, set aside for a few minutes, while you combine the dry ingredients. Once the yeast is foaming, combine everything in a stand mixer with a dough hook (or a food processor, but mine broke recently and is now a huge pain in the rear end). Mix until it forms a ball of dough. Put into a lightly floured bowl, and let sit all day covered. About halfway through, punch down your dough. When you're ready to make your pizza, cover your work area in flour and knead your dough slitghly, working to expand its size. One you've got it into a disk, start knuckle walking it the air so it stretches out, being careful to not let it tear. This recipe could have probably made 2 smaller pizzas, but I decided to just cook it as one large pizza. Then cover in ranch, a little cheese, chicken bacon, brocolini (discarding buds that have already started to flower), and more cheese. Put into an oven on the highest temp it will reach for 12-15 minutes. Ranch butter mushrooms and onions Slice a bunch of mushrooms, brown the, in a pan on high heat with your ranch butter (dont add salt) until the mushrooms really start to brown. Once they have a good color, then add salt to extract the water. Move to a baking dish and repeat for the onions. Put into a 450 oven for 15-20 minutes. Ranch Meringue Cookies: 3 egg whites 3/4 cup super fine or baking sugar (but not powdered sugar) 1/4 teaspoon lemon juice 1/4 teaspoon vanilla 1 tablespoon ranch seasoning (from scratch, since I didn't trust commercial stabilizers in the spice packet to not gently caress up the foam) Ok, I touched on this earlier, but the key to making a meringue is not let any fat near your egg whites. So, I uses to a two bowl approach for separated the eggs, do your work in one bowl, and when you're sure there is no yolk mixed with the white, add the white the a second bowl. So, even though I hosed up in the middle of doing this and the yolk broke into the white, I only lost one eggs worth of effort, but the rest stayed safe from the evil lipids that will destroy your foam. Put egg whites into stand mixer, and beat until you achieve soft peaks. Then slowly begin adding the sugar/ranch mixture until it has been fully incorporated. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper, and pipe/spoon your meringue onto it. Bake at 225 for 1.5 hours. Let cool completely. Regret adding ranch to it and wish you had just lied and said they had ranch in them. The Glumslinger fucked around with this message at 03:54 on Jun 12, 2017 |
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Jun 12, 2017 03:50
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Al! posted:main course: almost makes me wish I had pica
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Jun 12, 2017 03:57
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dessert: theme, nausea this one actually takes a bit of explaining. the lines of turbinado sugar and "spicy ranch seasoning" are meant to be insufflated into the sinus cavity, causing an immediate, intense, and lasting sense of pain and nausea. this is paired with a cube of pepto bismol gelatto, and a trifle with layered ranch, salsa, "sandwich spread" (i think its mayo mustard and relish, real vile stuff), and barbecue sauce, served with a cool ranch corn crisp  and another cube of the pepto
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Jun 12, 2017 05:13
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ranch seasoning and sugar rimmed orange lime gin and tonic:  Brown sugar Dorito crusted cornbread:  Dorito flour battered shrimp n' ranch grits:  oyster benne (sesame) soup with ranch seasoning:  low country cuisine y'all!  recipes coming soon Lindsey O. Graham fucked around with this message at 05:48 on Jun 12, 2017 |
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Jun 12, 2017 05:16
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well done all and wow, god bless you Ai for committing to this and executing perfectly. fun thread!
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Jun 12, 2017 05:25
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Al! posted:dessert: You're an artist.
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Jun 12, 2017 05:29
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hakimashou posted:You're an artist. so true
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Jun 12, 2017 05:31
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some real haute poo poo
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Jun 12, 2017 05:35
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mormonpartyboat posted:some real haute poo poo the man would never let you serve nails as a course
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Jun 12, 2017 05:37
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senator i would gladly consume every one of those not knowing what they were
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Jun 12, 2017 05:38
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This thread is 
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Jun 12, 2017 05:39
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this thread has shown me a single drop of blood is the perfect garnish for any drink
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Jun 12, 2017 05:40
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everybody i've shown the photo with the cable has agreed they kinda want to eat that cable
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Jun 12, 2017 05:41
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Lindsey O. Graham posted:
the drink: gin and tonic with fresh squeezed orange juice and an orange peel with lime the glass has ranch seasoning and sugar along the rim dorito crusted cornbread: yellow cornmeal, whole white cornmeal, enriched unbleached flour, baking soda, buttermilk, whole wheat flour, canola oil, and cornstarch mixed with: one egg 2/3 of a cup of ranch beaten with butter 1 cup of half and half sprinkled with brown sugar, cool ranch Doritos (crushed), cloves, cinnamon, nutmeg, and a dash of salt bake for thirty minutes, then apply the sprinkle, then put the cornbread back in the warm oven, now turned off, for 3-5 minutes before removing shrimp: marinated in lime, scallions, thyme, coriander, chili, garlic, garlic salt, red pepper flakes, parsley, habanero pepper, and chili pepper then they are dredged in flour and crushed cool ranch Doritos a tomato flour roux was made with onion and orange bell peppers with fish stock to which the shrimp was reintroduced more coming... Lindsey O. Graham fucked around with this message at 09:00 on Jun 12, 2017 |
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Jun 12, 2017 05:43
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mormonpartyboat posted:senator i would gladly consume every one of those not knowing what they were whoops! i added names!
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Jun 12, 2017 05:49
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fuuuuck this thread is good, guess i'm going to the store tomorrow
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Jun 12, 2017 05:51
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hmmm i'm almost tempted to make something with my hotplate and toaster oven, like maybe i'll just coat a hot pocket in ranch powder and call it a day
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Jun 12, 2017 05:52
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continued: grits: they were mixed with plenty of ranch, butter, and cheddar cheese, plus a bit of sour cream ( the amounts were measured through eyeballing since that's how i usually cook) ( you must like ranch to like these grits  )oyster benne soup: i sauteed canned oysters, tomato paste, capers, onion, garlic, scallion, fresh sprigs of dill, thyme, habanero pepper, chilli pepper, before slowly adding sesame oil (i was too lazy to crush sesame seeds, though I bought them, so i will be revisiting this dish), liquor of oyster, fish stock, and ranch seasoning again, amounts were measured by eyeballing most photos were taken in a cemetery, because the dead eat too
Lindsey O. Graham fucked around with this message at 09:43 on Jun 12, 2017 |
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Jun 12, 2017 06:02
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