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i have performed secret surveys of the palate of CSPAM, and i have calculated three special ingredients that truly embody the cuisine of this wonderful subforum. i have decided to challenge myself by producing a wonderful meal using these ingredients, and i welcome all of you to join me in this endeavor! the rules are: 1) there will be three secret ingredients, and you must use at least one secret ingredient in every dish. these ingredients' flavors should be emphasized in the dish, not hidden. celebrate them!!! 2) you must produce a three course meal. appetizer, main course, dessert. inventing an alcoholic refreshment to go along with the meal is a wonderful way to receive bonus points!!! 3) creativity is important, but so is edibility! there are starving kids in kansas that u should think about before wasting food in a dumb gag that you'll take a taste from and then throw out. make it tasty, then give us a trip report!!! 4) post your recipes!!! especially if its tasty, there is no greater joy in life than to share and be shared in return 🌹🌹🌹 5) im going to close the thread on the 18th at around midnight, so get your entries in! im going to try to get my presentation done in the next two days or so 6) remember this is the part of the dead gay comedy forum where shitposts go to have existential crises so try to have fun!!! also you wont win anything except the respect of your peers~~~~~~~ so with no more blabla, on to the show your secret ingredients are:  RANCH DRESSING RANCH SEASONING COOL RANCH DORITOS  allez cuisine!
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Jun 9, 2017 03:41
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| # ¿ Apr 28, 2024 07:42 |
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you got plenty of time, friendo! ive been thinking for a few days so i have a head start i still need to pick some things up tomorrow but im v excited to see if the wackier ideas end up edible
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Jun 9, 2017 04:38
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nothing is mandatory friendo, if you can't think of something i'd def rather u share what u have than just quit because ~the rules~ gently caress the police
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Jun 9, 2017 05:21
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Duscat posted:e2: actually let me withdraw that, we're doing this poo poo old school, and if hidden valley ranch kills the dish, that dish deserves to die ----------------
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Jun 9, 2017 14:28
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im looking forward to everyones pictures!!!
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Jun 9, 2017 19:21
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Al! posted:im just in the planning stage right now, i need to find out if ranch seasoning will dissolve in melted sugar you should see the monstrosities in my freezer
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Jun 9, 2017 19:24
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alrightttt did all my shopping so im going to be cooking all day tomorrow whooo
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Jun 9, 2017 23:15
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this is going to be a loving circus in the kitchen so im actually doing up a cooking order lmao also gently caress i bought dates and not figs
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Jun 10, 2017 03:41
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Bip Roberts posted:I wonder if there's a way to get a heat stable ranch so you can replace the deep fry oil with ranch itself. from testing, if you bake ranch it doesnt crisp at all, and in fact kind of degenerates into gooey oil would probably need to strain the solids through like cheesecloth and then add some extra oil to reduce its thickness but~~~
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Jun 10, 2017 04:36
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 it begins
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Jun 10, 2017 17:00
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oh my loving god these fritters might be one of the best things ive ever eaten
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Jun 10, 2017 20:32
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more (and better) pictures and a writeup coming after im done cooking but here's the more straightforward first course: ranch sliders with partially hydrogenated dorito fritters and of course some cilantro-lime avocado ranch for dipping 
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Jun 10, 2017 20:41
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for the sliders: base is a pound of beef mixed with a whole ranch packet and half a diced onion, grilled into patties. veggies are a tomato and little lettuce squares both marinated for about half an hour in oil with about a tablespoon of ranch seasoning, also grilled (i like slightly charred lettuce gently caress you). added a cheese crisp made with 1 part ranch to 3 parts parmesan cheese (not super crispy but tasty) and some leftover bacon from...course 2. then the bun is a king hawaiian original, basted with like 2 tbsp of butter with half a tbsp of ranch and toasted so its got this ranch garlic bread feel, all stacked high two tiny avocados, a fresh squeezed lime, about 2 tbsp cilantro, and a shitload of ranch made the dressing the corn fritters are: 1/2 cup flour 1/2 cup crushed doritos 1 tsp baking powder 1/4 tsp baking soda 1 large egg 1 1/2 cups sour cream 1 (10 oz) package frozen corn whisk dry, make a well, add the wet, just stir until its incorporated, then fry and they are so light and airy while also having that tough crisp oh my god
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Jun 10, 2017 20:48
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the purpose of course 1 is to ease you into the ranchtivities, while course 2 is more...acceptance i present chicken and waffles(?) with a maple ranch glaze 
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Jun 10, 2017 21:20
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the chicken is normal three dip fried chicken, took a tenderloin and dipped it in ranch seasoned flour -> 3 eggs/half cup of milk -> crushed doritos the waffle is actually...well... first, i baked some wedged small red potatoes in ranch seasoning, oil, fresh thyme and sage, and half a diced onion for about 35 minutes until they were dark and toasty and delicious then i roughly diced them and threw them in a bowl with 1/2 cup of ranch, 1 egg, 1/2 cup flour, and some diced bacon and stirred then mashed into a waffle maker the sauce is just literally 1 part ranch to 4 parts maple syrup and a bit of ground chipotle and is legit super tasty mormonpartyboat fucked around with this message at 21:35 on Jun 10, 2017 |
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Jun 10, 2017 21:30
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ok im drunk, my kitchen is destroyed, and i have people coming over to help me finish all the poo poo i made for courses 1 and 2 so i will have to do dessert tomorrow its going to be the strangest thing ive ever cooked so ~~~~~
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Jun 10, 2017 22:00
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Duscat posted:e: just received hell's Sunday menu! im loving pumped i dont even know what deep fried jello is
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Jun 11, 2017 02:51
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oh my
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Jun 11, 2017 18:25
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yum
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Jun 11, 2017 21:51
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course 3 is a-go 
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Jun 12, 2017 00:08
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nothing says dessert quite like onions caramelizing into a brown goo
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Jun 12, 2017 00:29
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 because i can
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Jun 12, 2017 00:47
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it is done franch toast stuffed with a savory filling with handmade ranch ice cream, topped with a dorito brown sugar butter crumble and drizzled with a a ranch-dark chocolate sauce god have mercy on us all, this is delicious
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Jun 12, 2017 01:16
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so the ice cream is 1 cup heavy cream, 1/3rd cup ranch, 3/8ths cup of white sugar. i just poured it into a ziploc baggie and shook it up/massaged it to aerate it every half hour for about four hours before letting it rest the dorito crumble is: 14 tablespoons unsalted butter 1/2 cup white sugar 3/4 cup brown sugar 2 cups crushed doritos melt the butter, mix in the white sugar, mix in the rest until everything is moist, then smash it flat on parchment paper and throw it in the fridge for an hour. then bake it at 350 for ~30 mins and it'll be crumbly dry chocolate sauce was 6oz of dark chocolate melted over a saucepan with about half a cup of heavy cream, a tbsp of sugar, and a quarter cup of ranch? mostly eyeballed the amounts and tweaked to taste franch toast stuffing is an onion caramelized down to a brown goo, then a bunch of blackberries, dates, figs, bit of rosemary, a third a packet of ranch, a tbsp of sugar, and 2 tbsp of butter and that simmered until the liquid was gone, then i deglazed with like a half cup of port and let all that boil off so theres just a gooey fruity sweet and savory mess i crammed that into some challah bread cut like two inches tall, dipped the tower in the normal 2 eggs, 1/3rd cup milk, and a third a pack of ranch seasoning, then pan fried to make french toast then put it all on the plate ~~~~
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Jun 12, 2017 01:40
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lmao
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Jun 12, 2017 02:00
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im frankly astonished, what a good loving post though Duscat posted:stuff them up but good phrasing
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Jun 12, 2017 02:53
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god drat
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Jun 12, 2017 02:54
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vHRMeRszw4
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Jun 12, 2017 03:06
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The Glumslinger posted:Ranch Meringue Cookies i was really thinking about doing a ranch meringue pie but i dont have a mixer and i didnt want to try to whip it up by hand and then see it collapse since im dumb as poo poo when it comes to cooking science and i dont know how meringues work but it sounds like there might be something there, though!! what might work would be pulling the ranch out of the meringue itself, then doing like a lemon tart cookie with a bit of lemon jam on it, with a smaller dollop of meringue so it cooks all the way through, and sprinkling that with a bit of ranch powder before throwing it in the oven?????? im loving intrigued by meringue cookies now, this thread is pure magic
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Jun 12, 2017 03:18
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Al! posted:main course: holy poo poo from the picture that gnocchetti legitimately looks delicious
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Jun 12, 2017 03:20
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you beautiful monster
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Jun 12, 2017 03:21
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more than half a half dozen fried orbs posted itt
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Jun 12, 2017 03:46
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some real haute poo poo
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Jun 12, 2017 05:35
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senator i would gladly consume every one of those not knowing what they were
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Jun 12, 2017 05:38
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ya'll have been so beautiful i needed a nightcap so i made myself a White Texan  2 oz kahlua, 1 oz bourbon, 1 oz heavy cream, 1/2 oz of ranch dressing stirring was not working so i threw it in the shaker and it looks better even if i didnt want to change out glasses for a ~clean picture~  it's surprisingly pretty good!! with the cream, the ranch dressing is more like the vermouth of dairies, adding just a bit of spice and acidity
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Jun 12, 2017 06:18
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Lindsey O. Graham posted:shrimp: gently caress whwats the smiley for horny again
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Jun 12, 2017 06:22
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duscat there is a thing in hawaiian cooking called poi balls which is like one part sweet rice flour, one part poi, and 1/2 part sugar and you fry it and it is loving astonishing im wondering if there is a way to make mountain dew pudding instead of mountain dew jello? or maybe adding more gelatin, then breaking up the jello, like putting it in a bag and then mashing it to give it a gooey consistency rather than firm consistency? i really want to see fried mountain dew balls and i might try a few incredibly stupid things that might end with me dying to do so
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Jun 12, 2017 06:27
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i might do another round, esp if it'll get more people to join in
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Jun 13, 2017 00:04
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the poi balls are just the poi and flour (and sugar) mixed completely and you end up with a crispy outside and gooey inside kinda like in this lovely pic might be easier to go for that kind of a thing than a battered orb of mountain dew also reducing it sounds so horrific that i think it might be better than gelatin. reduce it to a third, where its almost a syrup, then add a bit of flour and sugar and go i might need to buy a pot that i intend to destroy if im gonna do that tho
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Jun 13, 2017 00:51
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| # ¿ Apr 28, 2024 07:42 |
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Al! posted:same. 
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Jun 13, 2017 03:55
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