mormonpartyboat posted:

more (and better) pictures and a writeup coming after im done cooking but here's the more straightforward first course:


ranch sliders with partially hydrogenated dorito fritters and of course some cilantro-lime avocado ranch for dipping

mormonpartyboat posted:

the purpose of course 1 is to ease you into the ranchtivities, while course 2 is more...acceptance

i present chicken and waffles(?) with a maple ranch glaze

Squizzle posted:

Duscat posted:

hakimashou posted:

You're an artist.

Lindsey O. Graham posted:

low country cuisine y'all!

recipes coming soon

mormonpartyboat posted:

senator i would gladly consume every one of those not knowing what they were

mormonpartyboat posted:

ya'll have been so beautiful i needed a nightcap

so i made myself a White Texan



2 oz kahlua, 1 oz bourbon, 1 oz heavy cream, 1/2 oz of ranch dressing

stirring was not working so i threw it in the shaker and it looks better even if i didnt want to change out glasses for a ~clean picture~



it's surprisingly pretty good!! with the cream, the ranch dressing is more like the vermouth of dairies, adding just a bit of spice and acidity

Duscat posted:

First, we prep some accompaniments. Lime ranch butter is exactly what it sounds like:



We need some chili powder:



And a dip for tempura:

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It starts out as teriyaki, then into Teriyaki Ranch, and finally Hot Ranch.


Now it's time to cook! Let's get a cornbread going:



I forgot to get buttermilk, so we'll cheat with milk and lime juice, but first the cornmeal needs to soak in the milk for a while. We reserve a little bit of it on the side to mix the baking powder and soda in. A cast iron pan goes into the oven to heat up.

Also, we get things together for Cspamish rice, but then remember we need to do something else first. First, dice up the onion and garlic.



Brown and season some ground beef for stuffing, and set aside. Then back to the rice:



Get some of that very beautiful chicken fat off the top of the stock and cook up some onions. Then sautee the rice, add chili powder and garlic, and into the rice cooker it goes!



Add chicken stock and some ranch seasoning. As is the C-SPAM tradition, a tomato goes on top, accompanied by some thyme and oregano. Push butan. The cooker will handle the rest and keep the rice nice and warm for as long as it takes to get the rest together.

Now back to stuffing peppers.



We grate a mix of Cheddar, Mozzarella, and Gruyere, chop up some cilantro, and coarsely grind a new ingredient: Salsa Verde flavored Doritos! Hollow out the peppers (small tongs work great for pulling out excess pith) and then stuff them up but good. A couple of toothpicks to hold the caps on and a nice oil coat is applied and they're ready for the oven.

So's the cornbread:



This pan is now at 400 degrees, so we take care not to grab with our bare hands, although every few years we forget and then we get to wear a single cotton glove like Michael Jackson for a few days. We melt a couple of tablespoons of bacon fat in it, then pour most of it into the batter, leaving the pan nicely greased. Also, in quick succession, the lime juice goes in the batter, and then the remaining dry mix, and then the whole foaming mess goes in the pan and in the oven.


Just a couple more things to prep now:



We make two batters, a rice tempura augmented with Doritos, the other a thick batter of Mountain Dew and Doritos, with rice flour to hold it together. We set up a fry station.

Our main dishes are done! Pull them out and quickly fry up our mushrooms.



We are finally ready to eat!



Dorito tempura mushrooms with Hot Ranch. The mushrooms were great. The Hot Ranch, honestly, was not. The heat and the ginger were nice against the bland mushrooms, but teriyaki should not be so greasy. It might have worked if I'd left out either the mirin or the soy sauce. The mushrooms were rescued by serving neat ranch on the side, which worked much better.



Dorito-stuffed poblano with Cspamish rice and Dorito Cornbread with Lime Ranch butter.

The pepper was great. The Doritos weren't super obvious, but the gooey corny mess they made was very nice and kept the stuffing from just tumbling out when you cut into the pepper. The rice tasted excellent, though the C-SPAM method of mushing a tomato into it after cooking made it rather wet, not really what Spanish rice is supposed to be, but good nevertheless. The cornbread was moist and delicious, though not particularly dorito-y, and the tang of the lime ranch butter was surprisingly good against the sweet cornbread.

And now, time for dessert! Back to the fry station.



We're making hush puppies! The frozen Mountain Dew jello cubes are wrapped in the batter and fried up good.



This was a moderate success. No explosions, which was my main worry, but a somewhat disappointing result. The jello melted around the edges but was still half-frozen in the middle, and it turns out Mountain Dew is not the proper choice of jello for this application. It's not sweet enough, nor does it have much flavor. I think this would have worked a lot better with regular jello made at double strength.

Now, I have a kitchen to clean. Will be back tomorrow to watch the contest.

mormonpartyboat posted:

duscat there is a thing in hawaiian cooking called poi balls which is like one part sweet rice flour, one part poi, and 1/2 part sugar and you fry it and it is loving astonishing

im wondering if there is a way to make mountain dew pudding instead of mountain dew jello? or maybe adding more gelatin, then breaking up the jello, like putting it in a bag and then mashing it to give it a gooey consistency rather than firm consistency?

i really want to see fried mountain dew balls and i might try a few incredibly stupid things that might end with me dying to do so

mormonpartyboat posted:

gently caress whwats the smiley for horny again

mormonpartyboat posted:

the poi balls are just the poi and flour (and sugar) mixed completely and you end up with a crispy outside and gooey inside kinda like in this lovely pic



might be easier to go for that kind of a thing than a battered orb of mountain dew

also reducing it sounds so horrific that i think it might be better than gelatin. reduce it to a third, where its almost a syrup, then add a bit of flour and sugar and go

i might need to buy a pot that i intend to destroy if im gonna do that tho

Duscat posted:

I ran a few pudding experiments. Will let you know when they've chilled, but probably not until tomorrow.

mormonpartyboat posted:

hakimashou posted:

Can you reduce mountain dew down a lot and use it like a syrup?

hakimashou posted:

I've had yuzu creme brulees before at a really nice japanese restaurant and they were excellent, I wonder if mountian dew creme brulee would be any good.

I'm making pots de creme/ creme brulee in my sous vide this week maybe i'll get a bottle of mountain dew and reduce it down and add it to one of them.

Al! posted:

entre

Al! posted:

dessert

Grizzled Patriarch posted:

i had to stand in line behind a gaggle of mormons trying to split a tub of protein powder across 4 debit cards for these ingredients

can't let our own esteemed lindsey o. graham be the only person reppin the south, so here's...some stuff:



southwestern turkey skillet

ingredients:

1 lb. ground turkey
1 can black beans (rinsed)
1 ear / can of sweet yellow corn
1 cup brown rice, cooked
1 roasted poblano pepper (throw it under a broiler til it gets some nice char, then peel off the skin and chop it up)
1 fresh tomato, diced
1 yellow onion, diced
3-4 cloves garlic, diced
1 tablespoon tomato paste
ranch dressing (used as a turkey marinade, also stirred some in towards the end, probably a couple tablespoons worth?)
other spices to taste (i used a bit of powdered chipotle, a decent amount of cumin, chili powder, salt, and pepper)
cilantro to garnish

super easy to make, just marinate the turkey in the ranch for at least half an hour (don't use too much or it will get wet and it won't brown properly), cook the turkey until browned, toss in the onion, garlic, tomato paste until onions are softened and translucent, add the beans, corn, rice, poblano, and all other seasonings and stir it all together until everything is well combined and heated through. in retrospect i should have broiled the corn a bit when i was roasting the pepper, would have added a bit more flavor. overall not bad, the ranch melded with the other seasonings pretty well.




cool ranch queso

ingredients:

1/4 lb white american cheese
1/8 cup whole milk (any kind of milk should be fine)
1/2 tablespoon of butter
1 roasted poblano pepper, diced
1 fresh tomato, diced
handful of cool ranch doritos smashed into dust with your bare hands, you animal
pinch of powdered chipotle or cayenne pepper
cilantro for garnish

also very simple to make, just toss the cheese, milk, and butter in a saucepan over low heat and keep stirring until it's melted, then toss everything else in and stir until it's all combined. use the other doritos to as tortilla chips, of course.



watermelon with ranch-seasoned chevre, fresh mint, and honey

ingredients:

watermelon
ranch seasoning packet
chevre / some other fresh soft cheese
fresh mint (basil would also be good)
honey

cut the watermelon into cubes / circles / whatever shapes your heart desires, use a measuring spoon to scoop out a little bowl in the middle, pour a little honey in there. knead your ranch seasoning into the cheese (don't go overboard here, these flavors just barely work together), stick the cheese inside the watermelon bowls, add a leaf of mint and a little more honey. surprisingly not terrible, it's a pretty refreshing taste and the ranch seasoning is just strong enough to be intriguing without overpowering anything and tasting gross as hell. i mean it would almost assuredly be better if you just left out the ranch but that's not how this works so.

i also made an alcoholic beverage that was just rye whiskey with pickle juice steeped in leftover ranch seasoning. it was...not terrible, i guess, if the idea of whiskey and pickle juice isn't immediately revolting to you. didn't take a picture because it just looked exactly like a shot of whiskey and i know you all know what that looks like

mormonpartyboat posted:

getting absolutely sloshed on g&ts and making some ranch chowder

mormonpartyboat posted:

slow cooked for extra pleasure

mormonpartyboat posted:

im going to die of extremely good flavors

mormonpartyboat posted:

a 10 oz bag of frozen corn, some bacon strips, a whole sage jimmy dean sausage log, three big garlic smoked sausages diced, two onions, four potatoes, a cup of heavy cream, a can of creamed corn, a can of condensed milk, a quart of chicken broth, and a pile of spices (including some tarragon, just 4 u)

mormonpartyboat posted:

yeah im gonna boil it down to a pudding consistency, throw in some sweet rice flour, and then deep fry it

mormonpartyboat posted:

ive been swamped/burned out hard the last few weeks from work but i might get something up by this weekend~~~

gotta come up with some good secret ingredients

mister magpie posted:

my dad made amazing omelettes with spam

Lindsey O. Graham posted:

got any sevens posted:

capam how would you prefer to season/cook a chicken breast if given any side u want and a couple hours