The many, many reasons I'm not allowed back in the Irondale, AL Shoney's

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little munchkin

FactsAreUseless posted:

I am the manager of a rival Shoney's.

in my headcanon all of the shoneys are friends

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# ? Jul 19, 2017 15:43

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# ? May 8, 2024 20:48

vanisher

I meticulously crafted an impressive resume and cover letter to win the heart of the Irondale, AL Shoney's hiring manager. During my interview when asked "Here at Shoney's, we aim to be a recognizable fixture in each market we have a presence. A restaurant where regulars recognize our staff and employees are involved in the local community. How involved are you with local Irondale events or groups?" I responded that I lived in the suburbs. The manager was visibly angry and cried, and ive never been allowed in since.

# ? Jul 19, 2017 16:48

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

apparently they don't like it when you stand up and start yelling about how shoney bear corrupts our youth by leading them down a path towards the savagery of forest life. it's not my fault their mascot can weigh up to 1000 pounds and can murder with a single swipe of his paw. whatever, they can say I'm actually in a denny's all they want but i'm not giving up.

paul_soccer12 posted:

everyone in the idf must die

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# ? Jul 19, 2017 17:04

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Ugly crying jags whenever the high school loses to Mountain Brook.

Ugly crying jags whenever there's a serious accident at "Malfunction Junction" near downtown Birmingham.

Ugly crying jags whenever humidity rises above 50%.

# ? Jul 19, 2017 18:27

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Proselytizing on behalf of Vulcan, the Roman god.

Slandering Vulcan, the historic cast iron statue.

# ? Jul 19, 2017 18:29

AverySpecialfriend: by Hand Knit

brought suit against irondale, al shoney's alleging false representation

# ? Jul 19, 2017 18:43

vanisher

For two years every day on my way to work i would walk into the Shoney's and lift up my pant legs saying "HERE THEY ARE" until a restraining order was filed at the Irondale Police Department.

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Jul 19, 2017 18:45

alnilam

continually ask to speak to the manager, then threaten suit against Shoneys on behalf of the great state of Missouri for plagiarism of their state nickname, "The Shoneys State"

# ? Jul 19, 2017 18:47

vanisher

alnilam posted:

continually ask to speak to the manager, then threaten suit against Shoneys on behalf of the great state of Missouri for plagiarism of their state nickname, "The Shoneys State"

for two years I crossed the Missouri state line and lifted my pant legs saying "HERE THEY ARE" until local wildlife filed a restraining order at the local rangers office

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Jul 19, 2017 18:50

AverySpecialfriend: by Hand Knit

demanded to be paid from their register so i could be on retainer for all of the upcoming suits being brought against the irondale, al shoney's; spilled the contents of my overstuffed briefcase all over other patron's tables and food

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# ? Jul 19, 2017 18:53

Barking Gecko: Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."

showed up the day of the FBS championship game wearing Clemson colors and accompanied by a live tiger. Danced on tables when Alabama lost.

# ? Jul 19, 2017 19:25

little munchkin

don't ask me how I know this, but if you're ever eating at a Shoney's Restaurant in Irondale, Alabama, and the waitress doesn't know what a Stone Cold Stunner is, do not demonstrate one on any of your sister's children

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# ? Jul 19, 2017 19:40

little munchkin

look like word has gotten out, and despite making my description of duck mating as scientific as possible (being respectful of the children who were present), every Shoney's in the state of Alabama now refuses to serve me

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# ? Jul 19, 2017 19:46

little munchkin

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

8. Wore false mustache and claimed to be El Jefe de Shoney

lol

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# ? Jul 19, 2017 19:47

google THIS

Me: (during passionate sex with the Shoney bear) Oh, Big Boy! Oh, Big Boy!

# ? Jul 19, 2017 19:59

vanisher

google THIS posted:

Me: (during passionate sex with the Shoney bear) Oh, Big Boy! Oh, Big Boy!

Shoney bear: ...are you still seeing big boy. Are you cheating on me again.

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Jul 19, 2017 20:01

kalel

I told the manager that I'd never heard of shoney's before watching that one Rick and Morty episode. He didn't say anything so I kept loudly repeating that I watch Rick and Morty until I was escorted out by security

# ? Jul 19, 2017 20:05

Gone Fashing: KEEP POSTIN
I'M STILL LAFFIN

SciFiDownBeat posted:

I told the manager that I'd never heard of shoney's before watching that one Rick and Morty episode. He didn't say anything so I kept loudly repeating that I watch Rick and Morty until I was escorted out by security

lol

# ? Jul 19, 2017 20:08

alnilam

I enjoy how many posts presuppose that the Irondale, AL shoneys has dedicated security staff

# ? Jul 19, 2017 20:26

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

Shoney the Bear indoctrinates our youth to sinful Brown Bear culture, such as catching wild salmon in your mouth, and rubbing backs on tree bark

paul_soccer12 posted:

everyone in the idf must die

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# ? Jul 19, 2017 20:35

google THIS

alnilam posted:

I enjoy how many posts presuppose that the Irondale, AL shoneys has dedicated security staff

well they had to learn eventually

# ? Jul 19, 2017 20:42

AverySpecialfriend: by Hand Knit

the first time shoney's tried to ban me it was because i showed up in a shirt that said SECURITY and started escorting patrons out

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# ? Jul 19, 2017 21:09

Darkman Fanpage

for you, the day bison graced your village's shoney's was the most important day in your life. but for me, it was tuesday.

# ? Jul 19, 2017 22:47

kalel

Darkman Fanpage posted:

for you, the day bison graced your village's shoney's was the most important day in your life. but for me, it was tuesday.

# ? Jul 19, 2017 23:01

SHVPS4DETH: seen so much i'm going blind and i'm brain-dead virtually

every thursday i would request a table for 10 and insist that the rest of my party would arrive shortly, and also to be addressed as "yr luminosity" for the duration of my visit, during which i would fill a plate which i would then set at each of the 10 seats before loudly announcing i had diarrhea and running out the front door

i would return after exactly seven (7) minutes verbally dismayed that they were bussing my table in spite of my "being a paying customer" (my words)

thanks to vanisher for the dope av

# ? Jul 20, 2017 03:52

Twenty Four

I was back in the kitchen at Shoney's, making breakfast. The kitchen manager told me to get out and not come back after burning a piece of toast. Just one burnt piece of toast!

He said something about how I didn't work there and can't just be back their using their kitchen to make my breakfast. Whatever!

# ? Jul 20, 2017 05:22

punchymcpunch

i burst in and said "hey everyone this is ma-ma-ma-my sharoneys!" and they told me not to come back

# ? Jul 20, 2017 08:57

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Describing how SEC football is "handegg for hillbillies" despite repeated requests to place my drink order.

Minor riot at the third annual Wintermas Dinner for my competitive beyblades league, the Birmingham Beyboys.

# ? Jul 20, 2017 13:58

vanisher

The manager did not appreciate when I brought in the USDA National Onion and Potato Report along with a 25 slide PowerPoint presentation to contest the $0.50 increase in my bill when I requested onion rings instead of french fries

_{Sig images courtesy of the talented Luvcow, Dumb Sex-Parrot, & Death Sext}

# ? Jul 20, 2017 16:11

LvK: FIVE STARS!!

Apparently the other diners were "disturbed" by my loud grunting and yelling while attempting to do 100 Hindu squats, Iranian pushups, and Cossack lunges next to the salad bar. I plan on suing for discrimination.

# ? Jul 20, 2017 17:46

mags: I am a congenital optimist.

I attempted to contact the manager at the Irondale, AL Shoney's and discuss ways we can suppress imagery of the godless Shoney Bear mascot to protect our innocent youth from the evils of online bear culture. he told me stop mailing him envelopes of furry bear art. he must be in on it. #shoneysgate

paul_soccer12 posted:

everyone in the idf must die

(USER WAS PERMABANNED FOR THIS POST)

# ? Jul 20, 2017 18:06

The X-man cometh

I don't know why I'm the one in trouble, just because I was served a very sexually explicit baked potato and let the town know about it.

# ? Jul 21, 2017 00:03

cda: by Hand Knit

I am too fat to fit through the door.

# ? Jul 21, 2017 03:45

cda: by Hand Knit

I am regular size but I am wearing a comically large sombrero I cannot take off for religious reasons.

# ? Jul 21, 2017 03:46

cda: by Hand Knit

I am tiny, with pointy teeth, and they don't like my kind in the Irondale, AL Shoney's.

# ? Jul 21, 2017 03:47

evergate

Surprisingly, the manager wasn't convinced I was Gordon Ramsey when he heard me screaming in the kitchen. Neither was Gordon Ramsey.

# ? Jul 21, 2017 07:19

punchymcpunch

i turned a chair around and sat backwards like ac slater and said ok kids lets rap whos got somethin heavy to lay down and nobody in there wanted to share their problems so i flipped a table over

# ? Jul 21, 2017 08:49

Darkman Fanpage

i've gathered you all here today to inaugurate the first meeting of the council of citizens banned from shoney's. we are a diverse multitude who have suffered the humiliating stigma of those that have been unfairly banished from the shoney's in irondale, alabama. united in our cause we champion the rights of those persecuted by the shoney's management: tim whatley the evening manager and whats his face the guy that takes the morning shift.

# ? Jul 21, 2017 18:55

little munchkin

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iI2ReZLmYA

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# ? Jul 21, 2017 20:24

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# ? May 8, 2024 20:48

City of Glompton

You'd think they'd appreciate me handing out free gloves and surgical masks at the salad bar but as it turns out, they don't :shrug:

thank you PSP for the beautiful spring sig

# ? Jul 21, 2017 20:55

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > The many, many reasons I'm not allowed back in the Irondale, AL Shoney's

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