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How often do you have them. Like saturday I was at a party and I was like "drat, gotta fart so bad. gonna just let this little one squeak out." Went perfectly. Smooth. A little too smooth. And cold. Suddenly I felt lubeyness and had to excuse myself to the bathroom. Pulled down my pants to inspect and then plop, it all fell right onto the floor. A tile floor mind you. I did my best but if you've ever had to scrub diarrhea out of grout let me tell you, it doesn't work. Hopefully no one notices. I don't know if this is a normal occurrence or if my rear end in a top hat is just too loose to risk farting anymore. Might just have to give them up entirely.
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Aug 28, 2017 22:51
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| # ? May 7, 2024 07:04 |
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Wouldn't fresh poop be hot? I don't buy your story
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Aug 28, 2017 22:59
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never trust a fart, OP
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Aug 28, 2017 22:59
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Every once in a while I'll just sit at my desk at home and just let out some rancid farts. I warn my wife to stay away and generally gross myself out
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Aug 28, 2017 23:01
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Ride The Gravitron posted:Wouldn't fresh poop be hot? I don't buy your story
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Aug 28, 2017 23:02
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How did you play it off after you got out of the bathroom OP? what did you do with your poo poo-filled undies? I don't gamble on farts any more, I ease it out as slow as possible and if I feel any warmth or moistness I suck it all right back up my ashsole.
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Aug 28, 2017 23:02
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a bone to pick posted:I ease it out as slow as possible and if I feel any warmth or moistness I suck it all right back up my ashsole. that's good because it's really hard to get cumstains out of fabric!!!
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Aug 28, 2017 23:04
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a bone to pick posted:How did you play it off after you got out of the bathroom OP? what did you do with your poo poo-filled undies? i think people were definitely suspicious about my abrupt exit but it could have been for any number of reasons. like maybe they just assumed i had swamp rear end or something more normal than making GBS threads my own pants
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Aug 28, 2017 23:05
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Dolphin posted:i wiped them down as best i could then washed them out in the tub and put up with the chillyness See if I were you, as long as my pants didn't get any poo poo on them, I would just hide the underwear somewhere in the bathroom, wash my rear end, and get back to the party. I've done it in the past and i'll probably do it in the future.
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Aug 28, 2017 23:08
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https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/11/01/a-japanese-woman-passed-gas-during-laser-surgery-she-was-badly-burned/quote:The laser reportedly ignited the gas, causing a blaze that caught the surgical drape on fire before spreading down her skin. Found by googling "explosive surgery fart" fyi
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Aug 28, 2017 23:10
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a bone to pick posted:See if I were you, as long as my pants didn't get any poo poo on them, I would just hide the underwear somewhere in the bathroom, wash my rear end, and get back to the party.
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Aug 28, 2017 23:10
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In the early 90s about 8 jobs ago, I was in the basement of an office tower faxing hundreds of pages of crap to a different city. It was about 11 pm and I had a good 3 hours more of fax machine babysitting to go. Suddenly, my rear end filled up with the foulest, loudest and largest gas emission I had ever made. It was vile in every way and loud as hell. I proceeded to repeat this defilement of the basement several more times in the next half hour. Thankfully only I was in the basement, hanging out in a miasma of my own filth. Then the lights went out, because they were on a timer, and I had to go hit the master switch to turn them on for another hour. Imagine my surprise when, en route to the switch, the lights came back on! Some guy I didn't know passed me in the hallway, going back to his cube, and he would not look at me or acknowledge my presence. That's how you pollute an entire floor of an office building!
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Aug 28, 2017 23:10
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i guess you could tuck your pant legs into your shoes but then you're basically making GBS threads directly into your own shoes
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Aug 28, 2017 23:11
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Dolphin posted:but what if there's more pants making GBS threads to be had. then it rolls down your trousers and onto the floor. how are you going to explain that? people will probably notice that you're the only guy with poo poo on the top of your shoes, not just the bottom. you have to have contingency plans I guess you could say I live on the edge  the edge of making GBS threads my pants at any second
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Aug 28, 2017 23:15
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I once went to see MC Chris in Pensacola Fl at a bowling ally. After a couple beers i realize that i have to poo poo really bad. I am pleasantly surprised to see that the bathrooms are clean and have toilet paper as i am pulling my pants down to empty my bowels. It smells so bad that people walk into the bathroom and leave before using it due to the aroma. When i left people were waiting outside the bathroom to see who made the bad smells.
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Aug 28, 2017 23:16
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what's the most you've ever gambled on a fart and lost?
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Aug 28, 2017 23:17
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Harakiri Potter posted:what's the most you've ever gambled on a fart and lost? the whole pot, all in.
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Aug 28, 2017 23:18
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gIF0UCFd3FM
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Aug 28, 2017 23:20
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You just try to fart and it sounds like an old mans breath. "Hhhhuuuuuuhhhhh".
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Aug 29, 2017 00:16
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here i sit broken hearted went to fart instead i sharted
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Aug 29, 2017 00:22
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pants-making GBS threads threads are BACK, baby!
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Aug 29, 2017 00:23
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"if there's one thing my human body is good at it's producing ice cold poops" OP, not a lizard man at all
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Aug 29, 2017 00:37
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Bigpeeler's story about his fart in WalMart that was so horrendous that security asked him to leave comes to mind right about now.
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Aug 29, 2017 00:39
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All of my farts are catastrophic for those unfortunate enough to smell them.
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Aug 29, 2017 03:48
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a fart is just a turd honking for right of way it only becomes a problem when ur rear end in a top hat cuts u off and causes a fifty turd pileup
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Aug 29, 2017 03:53
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 relevant
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Aug 29, 2017 04:02
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Ive been really lucky with deceitful farts. Its like i realize what's happening at the last possible second and the discharge that would deceive me for a premature exit is mostly held back. A trip to the bathroom merely necessitating a thorough wipe and suspiciously dry and unsoiled underwear. One day my luck will run out.
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Aug 29, 2017 04:23
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Smells good man
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Aug 29, 2017 05:40
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Hot farts always smell the worst. Conversely, I think Hot Farts would make a great band name.
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Aug 29, 2017 05:47
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At my age OP, you learn to never trust a fart
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Aug 29, 2017 05:47
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One time after eating Indian food for dinner I was farting so bad I had to leave the bedroom before my girlfriend left me. We're married. Sometimes I don't know why she said yes. We almost died.
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Aug 29, 2017 15:35
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| # ? May 7, 2024 07:04 |
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My biggest fear in life is making GBS threads myself in my car during my commute and having to drive home sitting in it.
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Aug 30, 2017 04:08
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