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The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Guess the historical quote if said by President Donald J Trump
 
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Dignity Van Houten
Jul 28, 2006

abcdefghijk
ELLAMENNO-P


 Simple - take a famous quote or speech, and re-imagine it if Donald Trump had spoken the words.

"Designing things with focus groups is hard, very hard I'm telling you. A lot of times these... people, great people some of the best people, but they don't even know what they want. You have to - let me tell you you have to show it to them and then they know, they know."

* # ¿ Sep 27, 2017 19:22
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# ¿ May 21, 2024 08:11
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Dignity Van Houten
Jul 28, 2006

abcdefghijk
ELLAMENNO-P

Verisimilidude posted:

"I did not have sex with that fat cow. That's disgusting. Humiliating, even. I've been with super models, you think I'm gonna sleep with an intern who looks like a man? Sick!"

Bill Clinton


really queer Christmas posted:

The only thing we have to fear, though I'm not afraid of anything- I'm a very successful businessman who's made a lot of terrific deals what do I have to be afraid of? But a lot of people out there, tremendous people, have a lot of fears and they really shouldn't worry about it. Because it's just fear itself they gotta be scared of, so if they're still scared after that it's just sad if you ask me.

John F Kennedy

Too easy. Sad!

* # ¿ Sep 27, 2017 19:31
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Dignity Van Houten
Jul 28, 2006

abcdefghijk
ELLAMENNO-P

A Fancy Hat posted:

Four years and.... some score of years ago our fathers made a new nation, conceived... and talk about a word there, huh? Conceived.... that's.... Ivanka I'm looking at you my dear..... in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Men and women and also some dogs, if you can believe it. I can, I.. not many can but we turned those states red thanks to those dogs getting out the vote. Thank you!

Now we are engaged in the greatest and most amazing civil war, some are saying the biggest of all time. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. The creeks are running red with blood, yes.... you won't see the newspapers reporting this. We've got.... I'm being told we have 300 billion deaths so far. Billion with a b. Wow, just... how about a round of applause. We are here to dedicate some land to those dead men... who died so that we might.... not. There are good, fine people on both sides. And who hasn't at least once thought "I wish I had a slave". But the fact remains that we need to dedicate this land. Yes, some Presidents wouldn't do that... yes you know exactly who I mean. The press is afraid to say what caused this war but I'm not - Radical North Aggression. I have a secret plan to end this war and....we need to end it. Yes. Many such cases of war, lots of things nobody knows about.

The brave men on both sides, and I have some great friends in the South. It's true, it's very very true. I actually have a plantation down there, not many people know this. It has the best slaves, just really.... it's luxurious and I really don't....Ivanka was telling me we need to go down there after this speech and tell those slaves "Good job! Good work!" Because let's be frank here, the media has forgotten you people. You got out the vote in record numbers, some are saying we had a billion votes cast for me. That's what this movement is all about, a billion, wow. Give yourselves a round of applause for it. I really just... I've been telling these soliders "Don't be so easy with the Confederacy, okay? You can.... you can burn down a city or two, maybe bump their head when you put them in the wagon.... just.... we're too easy on the Sons of Bitches"

I will now dedicate this orb to rejoining our nation. May we all learn to accept that I won the election, despite the Fake News and Crooked Douglas, not to mention Cryin' Breckinridge. And I'm not.... I'm being told I can't tell you this but... but I mean you are ..... it turns out that William Sherman is in fact FAKE NEWS, he is... we hold that to be true, after all, don't we? may GOD bless America and the Confederacy and I will promise you this; we will MAGA and repeal and replace will be done.

I didn't realize just how... dull Lincoln's proclamation was. He didn't even TRY to jazz it up. Low energy! We

* # ¿ Sep 27, 2017 23:20
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Dignity Van Houten
Jul 28, 2006

abcdefghijk
ELLAMENNO-P


 For twelve years you have asked, "Who is Donald Trump?" This is Donald Trump speaking. I am the man who loves his - very much loves his life. Great life, blessed very blessed. I am the man who does not give up love, much love to give, does not give up love or his val - very strong values, some people say "I've never met a man with stronger values." I am the man who has deprived you of Radical, Islamic, Terrorists, until we start calling a spade a spade we'll never get things done, I've been saying it for years - and thus destroyed the world, I mean not really but you bet those Radical, Islamic Terrorists have nowhere to hide now. And if you want to know why you are dying, those of you who dread knowledge, but not this crowd here! *wait for apploause* I look out and all I see are smart, the very smartest people, only the best crowds. But there are people out there. I am the man who will now tell you. The chief engineer was the only one able to move, he ran to a TV, and give it up for a moment, give it up for Fox and Friends. Those guys, great guys. Best ratings. But some people out there they struggle with the dials. But the screen remained empty, the speaker had not chosen to be seen, not like me, I love you all, couldn't wait to be up here seeing all of you. Great crowd! Only his voice filled the airways of the country, this great country, greatest on Earth, thought the cheif engineer, sounding as if he were speaking here in this room, can't even see the back of the room! Look at how many people! Not to a group, but to one man - the fire marshall told me we couldn't fit more people in here I told him, do your job! Get people in here! Line going around the building. Great crowd, the energy. It was not the tone of addressing a meeting, but the tone of addressing a mind, the greatest minds are in this room believe me. Barron, great mind, just the way he picks things up, going to grow up smart like his dad.

* # ¿ Sep 28, 2017 14:14
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The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Guess the historical quote if said by President Donald J Trump