Things a dog would say to you that they think are positive

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Things a dog would say to you that they think are positive

«‹›2 »

vanisher

You smell like trash

# ? Oct 31, 2017 05:06

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 17, 2024 13:53

vanisher

I just can't even imagine making you take a bath, you mean that much to me

# ? Oct 31, 2017 05:08

joke_explainer

~Every time you enter the door, you smell like the most joyous anus I can imagine.~

# ? Oct 31, 2017 05:49

Ride The Gravitron: by FactsAreUseless

My attorney has drafted this cease and desist letter. I love you, man, but you can't keep blaming me for your farts. I will take this to court if I have to. Please don't make me

# ? Oct 31, 2017 06:01

vanisher

joke_explainer posted:

~Every time you enter the door, you smell like the most joyous anus I can imagine.~

# ? Oct 31, 2017 06:59

Olive!: It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...

you are the best I know at picking up poop. real top-notch work. keep it up

# ? Oct 31, 2017 07:40

RatEarth: I didn't say that.
but it'd be funny if I did

If you die in the house, I might consider not eating your body.

# ? Oct 31, 2017 07:57

joke_explainer

Vulpinetaco posted:

If you die in the house, I might consider not eating your body.

I don�t get why people fault dogs for this or act like it�s a betrayal. If you were starving trapped in your house and your dog was dead you�d probably eat him or her. It�s be really sad! But hunger powerfully overrides your sensibilities. It�s fairly easier for a dog to digest rotting meat than us, but it doesn�t mean they love it, the recorded cases of this probably made the dogs miserable before they were discovered.

# ? Oct 31, 2017 08:17

Slush Garbo: FALSE SLACK
is
BETTER
than
NO SLACK

Squirrel!

# ? Oct 31, 2017 09:17

Twenty Four

Dog: "Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? You are! Ooooh such a good boy! Yes you are! Yes you are! C'mere!"

Human: *Feeling degraded and annoyed, rolling their eyes, reluctantly holding out their hand*

# ? Oct 31, 2017 12:56

Android Blues

joke_explainer posted:

I don�t get why people fault dogs for this or act like it�s a betrayal. If you were starving trapped in your house and your dog was dead you�d probably eat him or her. It�s be really sad! But hunger powerfully overrides your sensibilities. It�s fairly easier for a dog to digest rotting meat than us, but it doesn�t mean they love it, the recorded cases of this probably made the dogs miserable before they were discovered.

More, they usually only eat human bodies because after attempting and repeatedly failing to revive their owner, they try harder, end up ripping flesh when worrying at the body attempting to wake it, and then become panicked and start stress eating. It isn't calculated at all.

# ? Oct 31, 2017 14:08

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

No matter if you're hairy,
No matter if you shave,
No matter if you scare me
When you shower or you bathe,

Your stink is most endearing,
Even when you try to wash it away-
My smell is better than my hearing,
Don't misunderstand me when I say...

I love your odor it's distinctly you!
Even with perfume your funk will shine through!
My olfactory bulb throbs with love when I find,
The stench and the smell from your human behind!

When you leave the room,
I have to follow close
Your underarm perfume
Brings joy to my nose,

I love your odor it's yours alone,
Although I sometimes wish;
When you go into the bathroom,
You'd stop making GBS threads in my water dish!

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Oct 31, 2017 14:34

Manifisto

I know you tried really hard to throw the ball. I saw you! I saw your arm make the throwing motion! it was obvious, maybe even more obvious than you usually are when you are throwing the ball. it is not your fault that the ball didn't come out of your hand and fly through the air for me to chase. I mean, sometimes I think maybe it's me. maybe my eyesight wasn't good enough to see the ball, maybe it actually did come out of your hand and land over in those bushes without making a rustle or sound. and if that's what you prefer to think, if that's what will make you feel better about yourself . . . okay! I'm willing to take the blame. but I guess, hypothetically speaking, if the issue was somehow you instead--if maybe you just didn't throw the ball correctly, or maybe you forgot that your hand wasn't holdnig a ball when you made the throwing motion--I still love you. and I stand prepared to go get the ball if and when you're ready to try again.

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Oct 31, 2017 15:10

vanisher

You ever find a chewed up toy under the couch? Like a heavily played with, covered in grime and hair, maybe once was a bunny or a duck but its impossible to tell now toy that got kicked under something and forgotten, but now has been unearthed? That's how I feel.

# ? Oct 31, 2017 16:47

Manifisto

one of these days, your bark is going to get loud and strong. your teeth are going to get longer and sharper. your fur coat will grow in. you're gonna learn how to groom yourself properly.

I believe in u

# ? Oct 31, 2017 17:15

Robot Made of Meat

Splatmaster posted:

No matter if you're hairy,
No matter if you shave,
No matter if you scare me
When you shower or you bathe,

Your stink is most endearing,
Even when you try to wash it away-
My smell is better than my hearing,
Don't misunderstand me when I say...

I love your odor it's distinctly you!
Even with perfume your funk will shine through!
My olfactory bulb throbs with love when I find,
The stench and the smell from your human behind!

When you leave the room,
I have to follow close
Your underarm perfume
Brings joy to my nose,

I love your odor it's yours alone,
Although I sometimes wish;
When you go into the bathroom,
You'd stop making GBS threads in my water dish!

Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

# ? Oct 31, 2017 17:33

lmbo calrissian: i'm into fashion
men are my passion

Android Blues posted:

More, they usually only eat human bodies because after attempting and repeatedly failing to revive their owner, they try harder, end up ripping flesh when worrying at the body attempting to wake it, and then become panicked and start stress eating. It isn't calculated at all.

Can yall fuckn stop

# ? Oct 31, 2017 17:46

lmbo calrissian: i'm into fashion
men are my passion

I would love to do the procreative act with you and your hot knees if i wasnt noitered

# ? Oct 31, 2017 17:47

Adiabatic: What have you assholes done now?

Manifisto posted:

I know you tried really hard to throw the ball. I saw you! I saw your arm make the throwing motion! it was obvious, maybe even more obvious than you usually are when you are throwing the ball. it is not your fault that the ball didn't come out of your hand and fly through the air for me to chase. I mean, sometimes I think maybe it's me. maybe my eyesight wasn't good enough to see the ball, maybe it actually did come out of your hand and land over in those bushes without making a rustle or sound. and if that's what you prefer to think, if that's what will make you feel better about yourself . . . okay! I'm willing to take the blame. but I guess, hypothetically speaking, if the issue was somehow you instead--if maybe you just didn't throw the ball correctly, or maybe you forgot that your hand wasn't holdnig a ball when you made the throwing motion--I still love you. and I stand prepared to go get the ball if and when you're ready to try again.

my pupper irl

# ? Oct 31, 2017 18:23

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

calvinist dog: just remember that god has already made the plan for our lives, and that bad things only happen to the wicked

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Oct 31, 2017 19:52

vanisher

Way to manipulate that treat bag so you could fish a couple out with your crazy long alien paws

# ? Oct 31, 2017 21:01

THE RAGGY

You're a lot more squidgy than you used to be Human, also I cleaned up the sick in your office with my mouth.

# ? Oct 31, 2017 22:43

poverty goat

Eat poo poo op

# ? Oct 31, 2017 23:47

I Was The Fury: Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

You're so brave for getting inside the big growl machine that hurtles across the hard and hot black dirt. It's even braver that you do not take advantage of the chance to stick your head out of the thing. Good job friend I love you

# ? Nov 1, 2017 00:09

Android Blues

I Was The Fury posted:

You're so brave for getting inside the big growl machine that hurtles across the hard and hot black dirt. It's even braver that you do not take advantage of the chance to stick your head out of the thing. Good job friend I love you

# ? Nov 1, 2017 00:27

Manifisto

I don't want to take away your innocence but I think you need to know: squirrels are REAL. that's what I'm barking at.

# ? Nov 1, 2017 00:30

Adiabatic: What have you assholes done now?

poverty goat posted:

Eat poo poo op

wow rude much

# ? Nov 1, 2017 02:02

Robot Made of Meat

The evil machine that noises bad . . . you don't fear it. You . . . control it? Or, are you in some sort of colloquy with it? It mystifies me.

You don't seem to appreciate the effort I put into spreading my shedding fur evenly everywhere, but if it makes you happy to feed it to the evil machine, who am I to question?

Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

# ? Nov 1, 2017 04:18

drilldo squirt: a beautiful, soft meat sack

Manifisto posted:

I know you tried really hard to throw the ball. I saw you! I saw your arm make the throwing motion! it was obvious, maybe even more obvious than you usually are when you are throwing the ball. it is not your fault that the ball didn't come out of your hand and fly through the air for me to chase. I mean, sometimes I think maybe it's me. maybe my eyesight wasn't good enough to see the ball, maybe it actually did come out of your hand and land over in those bushes without making a rustle or sound. and if that's what you prefer to think, if that's what will make you feel better about yourself . . . okay! I'm willing to take the blame. but I guess, hypothetically speaking, if the issue was somehow you instead--if maybe you just didn't throw the ball correctly, or maybe you forgot that your hand wasn't holdnig a ball when you made the throwing motion--I still love you. and I stand prepared to go get the ball if and when you're ready to try again.

----------------

# ? Nov 1, 2017 18:27

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

You can really eat. I thought Tiny the mastiff could eat, but you, you can eat.

# ? Nov 1, 2017 18:33

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

The only thing that tastes better than my genitals is your face *while licking your face*

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Nov 1, 2017 20:25

UWBW: Permanently banned from the Alamo

When you're in the house I want to be outside.

Thanks to Manifisto for the sig, and Koishi for the last one. TVsVeryOwn made the CyberMike.

# ? Nov 1, 2017 20:38

Jedrick: There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high-powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.
Smoke weed every day.

I don't know what you rolled in, but it smells like lovely oysters

# ? Nov 1, 2017 23:58

Kthulhu5000: by R. Guyovich

You smell like you spent six hours in the rain, woof!

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Nov 2, 2017 00:14

Olive!: It's not a ghost, but probably a 'living corpse'. The 'living dead' with a hell of a lot of bloodlust...

Splatmaster posted:

The only thing that tastes better than my genitals is your face *while licking your face*

Things a serial killer would say to you that they think are positive

# ? Nov 2, 2017 03:19

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Olive! posted:

Things a serial killer would say to you that they think are positive

I would loving bury you one bone at a time

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Nov 2, 2017 13:46

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

You�re cute when you pick up my poop and stuff it in a bag and walk around with it like some kind of doo-doo trophy

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Nov 2, 2017 13:48

HotSoapyBeard: I'm a really cool nice dad
HAIKOOLIGAN

The meal you just slopped out of a can into my bowl was cold and wet and tasted like your farts smell.

# ? Nov 2, 2017 16:40

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

I let you have as much room on the bed as I can allow, you're lucky I don't make you sleep on the floor! Just kidding. Is my nose cold?

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Nov 2, 2017 22:35

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 17, 2024 13:53

Nameless_Steve: "There are fair questions about shooting non-lethally at retreating civilian combatants."

You humans are so interesting to watch when you do sex

# ? Nov 12, 2017 07:20

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Things a dog would say to you that they think are positive

«‹›2 »