Help! I've turned into a Cat! Let's Play Choice of the Cat!

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Help! I've turned into a Cat! Let's Play Choice of the Cat!

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ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

VivaLa Eeveelution posted:

Cat, mother[hiss]er; do you speak it?

# ? Mar 18, 2018 16:15

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# ? May 4, 2024 22:34

achtungnight: Oct 5, 2014; I get my fun here. Enjoy!

Enough with the rhetorical questions and flavor choices.

# ? Mar 18, 2018 19:51

Avalerion: Oct 19, 2012

Hell yea, meet our bro.

# ? Mar 18, 2018 20:24

dont be mean to me: May 2, 2007; I'm interplanetary, bitch
Let's go to Mars

dont be mean to me posted:

2: Let us show our brother cat a world beyond fighting.

Still works, after all.

# ? Mar 18, 2018 21:12

SimplyUnknown1: Aug 18, 2017; Cat Cat Cat

Ok, 2 of us wanted to talk to Maddox, and 5 wanted humanity to learn to speak cat already. So that's our answer!

quote:

Andre's unbridled enthusiasm for basically anything can mean only one thing in this situation: no matter your response, he's going to think you're dying to meet Maddox.

Just confirmation that this was another non-choice here.

quote:

Chapter 3: Being "Only Cat."
"I'll do the honors," says Andre.

"Oh, would you, love?" Claire asks, heaving herself up from the sofa. "I'd really appreciate it."

Andre nods and brushes hair out of his eyes.

"Thanks, love," says Claire. "I need to do a quick bit of prep for this call if you don't mind."

"Not at all, that's why I offered." Andre seems keen on the idea of spending time with animals, even if his favorite one has decided to head upstairs with Claire.

You are left alone with Moon for the brief few minutes it takes Andre to head through the kitchen toward the garden. You wonder what interesting stuff might be out there in that garden shed, apart from Maddox. Mice, if you're lucky. Spiders at the least. You hear the lever on the back door pull and slide. Closer by, you hear the clatter and click of bits of Lego.

"Finished!" Moon shouts, jumping up and waving her hands triumphantly. She looks about for Mum or Dad, limbs sagging when she notices them gone. She casts one look at you and smiles, looking dangerously like she might try to play with you instead.

"Right here, love!" calls Andre, shutting the kitchen door behind him and dashing straight into the living room.

"Look, look, Dad!" Moon enthuses, waving her arms again in the reassuring presence of her father. "It's a castle."

This is obviously a kid with a serious imagination. Small, plump hands drag hairy adult male ones over to a corner of the room. Amid a multicolored mess of bricks and crayons is a very squat, windowless, roofless cube.

Andre makes a fuss about how great this is while you decide instead to chew your paw. There's a big grain of dirt beneath your talons you're bent on removing with your teeth, given the limited number of things that might amuse you currently. You stop when Andre switches on the telly.

"Moon, love, it's time for your program," he reminds her. Moon skips up on the couch. "Just for half an hour, OK?" her father adds. "I'll be in to turn it off when it's finished."

Moon nods, swinging her feet over the edge of the sofa to the rhythm of the opening tune. She grabs a cushion and hugs it, a lot like she's seen her mum do.

"I'll just be in the kitchen if you need me," Andre says, although it isn't really necessary. Moon is engrossed in her program, whose main character is a turtle called Franklin who can somehow ride a bike.

"And now to you, Morgana." Andre makes for you cautiously, thick fingers stretching toward you, aiming for your ribcage. "Come on, time to meet a new playmate."

-Run to the kitchen on my own. I'll look like a wimp if Andre carries me in.
-Calmly let Andre pick me up because that's what he wants.
-Let him pick me up, but only because I might get treats or strokes out of it.
-Dash for the safety of the coat closet. My gut says to avoid this at all costs.

Ok, we've hit chapter 3 and now it's time to figure out how we want to meet Maddox. Do we:

1. Run to the kitchen on my own. I'll look like a wimp if Andre carries me in.
2. Calmly let Andre pick me up because that's what he wants.
3. Let him pick me up, but only because I might get treats or strokes out of it.
4. Dash for the safety of the coat closet. My gut says to avoid this at all costs.

quote:

Cat Treats Acquired: 2
Mice Hunted: 0
Contempt: 37% Affection: 63%
Audacious: 52% Cautious: 48%
Manipulative: 59% Demanding: 41%
Self-Interested: 54% Loyal: 46%
Feral: 53% Domesticated: 47%
Fun-Loving: 55% Comfort-Seeking: 45%
Logical: 45% Intuitive: 55%
Claire's Dislike: 33% Claire's Like: 67%
Andre's Dislike: 35% Andre's Like: 65%
Moon: is intrigued by you.
Bene: is your friend.
Maddox: hasn't met you yet.

# ? Mar 20, 2018 21:45

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

This is going to end badly.

Let's play along for now 2.

Changed vote below.

Space Kablooey fucked around with this message at 00:20 on Mar 21, 2018

# ? Mar 20, 2018 21:51

dont be mean to me: May 2, 2007; I'm interplanetary, bitch
Let's go to Mars

HardDiskD posted:

This is going to end badly.

2

Quote is still true but vote changed.

dont be mean to me fucked around with this message at 23:29 on Mar 20, 2018

# ? Mar 20, 2018 21:52

Avalerion: Oct 19, 2012

Run in on our own.

# ? Mar 20, 2018 21:56

achtungnight: Oct 5, 2014; I get my fun here. Enjoy!

Run in on our own. Cat instinct to avoid being carried, but meet brother cats.

# ? Mar 20, 2018 22:09

Deadmeat5150: Nov 21, 2005; OLD MAN YELLS AT CLAN

1 my cat was very interested in meeting his new brother.

# ? Mar 20, 2018 23:17

dont be mean to me: May 2, 2007; I'm interplanetary, bitch
Let's go to Mars

Changing vote: was 2, is now 1.

# ? Mar 20, 2018 23:29

Slaan: Mar 16, 2009; ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH

3, we might be able to get treats!

# ? Mar 20, 2018 23:46

VivaLa Eeveelution: Apr 3, 2011

HardDiskD posted:

This is going to end badly.

Not necessarily - has everyone brushed up on their Jackson Galaxy? YouTube's that-a-way.

Anyway, an aversion to being touched by Andre while still wanting to meet another cat just leaves us with one (1) option.

# ? Mar 20, 2018 23:56

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

Changed vote to 1 (was 2)

# ? Mar 21, 2018 00:21

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

# ? Mar 21, 2018 01:14

POOL IS CLOSED: Jul 14, 2011; I'm just exploding with mackerel. This is the aji wo kutta of my discontent.; Pillbug

# ? Mar 21, 2018 02:22

SimplyUnknown1: Aug 18, 2017; Cat Cat Cat

Ok, no one wanted to hide in the closet or just let Andre do what he wanted. One person hoped we would get treats out of the deal, but seven people decided we would stand on our own four feet to meet Maddox. So let's go!

quote:

You dart a few paces, but you have to dodge Andre to actually get out the door. His hands whump together around your torso as you try to nip past. Your humiliation is complete when he opens the kitchen door and actually holds you out toward Maddox.

Maddox is built like a bulldozer. A bulldozer that has been left out in a field to gather muck and gunk and rust but that nonetheless still has the power to rip up hillsides. His frame is large and square, with broad shoulders and muscles thick as eels. His hair is scraped and thin in several places, however, and his left ear is practically gone. He's also missing one eye.

All the hair on your back stands on end�your own skin passing on to you the warning that this could well be dangerous. With his only good eye, Maddox is giving you the once-over. He lets out a croaky meow, which is hard to make any proper sense of. Even so, you're fairly sure what he means.

-He hates me and wants me to die.
-He's pissed off at having had such a crappy life so far.
-There is a glint of pure loneliness behind that unnerving stare.
-He's likely as wary of me as I am of him.

Oh, poor poor Maddox. No wonder Claire hates Helmut. So, how does Maddox feel about us?

1. He hates me and wants me to die.
2. He's pissed off at having had such a crappy life so far.
3. There is a glint of pure loneliness behind that unnerving stare.
4. He's likely as wary of me as I am of him.

quote:

Cat Treats Acquired: 2
Mice Hunted: 0
Contempt: 37% Affection: 63%
Audacious: 52% Cautious: 48%
Manipulative: 59% Demanding: 41%
Self-Interested: 54% Loyal: 46%
Feral: 53% Domesticated: 47%
Fun-Loving: 55% Comfort-Seeking: 45%
Logical: 45% Intuitive: 55%
Claire's Dislike: 33% Claire's Like: 67%
Andre's Dislike: 35% Andre's Like: 65%
Moon: is intrigued by you.
Bene: is your friend.
Maddox: doesn't care about you.

...Ok, why wasn't this an option?

# ? Mar 22, 2018 21:42

dont be mean to me: May 2, 2007; I'm interplanetary, bitch
Let's go to Mars

Because it'd be more than 4 I guess?

3. There is a glint of pure loneliness behind that unnerving stare.

Nothing funny or pithy to say here. This is just heart-wrenching.

# ? Mar 22, 2018 21:48

achtungnight: Oct 5, 2014; I get my fun here. Enjoy!

I�ve seen Choice of Games titles with over a dozen options- are there limits?

Maddix is lonely... he�s God�s lonely cat.

# ? Mar 22, 2018 22:27

Avalerion: Oct 19, 2012

Lonely, hopefully not for long.

# ? Mar 22, 2018 22:44

Space Kablooey: May 6, 2009

Oh, poor cat.

# ? Mar 22, 2018 22:50

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

# ? Mar 23, 2018 00:22

AJ_Impy: Jun 17, 2007; SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?; Yam Slacker

# ? Mar 23, 2018 14:21

SapientCorvid: Jun 16, 2008; reading The Internet

Sad, lonely Maddox. 3.

# ? Mar 24, 2018 06:59

SimplyUnknown1: Aug 18, 2017; Cat Cat Cat

Ok, everyone thinks that Maddox is a lonely cat. ...Not exactly what I expected, but alright then.

Sadly, I couldn't find a one-eyed lonely cat pic.

quote:

The thing about looking tough is that loads of other cats will want to fight you. Far from staying well away, any cat with aspirations to power will try using tough old toms to make themselves look good. Old Maddox looks the kind who has adversaries, not friends�a lonely side effect of being on top of any hierarchy. You hold the old cat's gaze as best you can, careful not to look like you are challenging him.

Andre moves a few paces away before placing you gently on the floor. Blindly optimistic as he's capable of being, he knows there's no love at first sight here. "Maybe food would have been a better start," he says with a sigh, and opens an overhead cupboard. The magic word "food" has focused all functional feline eyes directly on him.

-I dash toward Andre. Me before Maddox, me before Maddox!
-I stay where I am so Maddox will assume I'm relaxed and tough.
-I stay where I am. I don't want to worry Maddox with any sudden movements.
-I jump up on the counter, closer to the food and farther from Maddox.

Ok then, so we didn't get in a catfight immediately. ...Now what do we do?

1. I dash toward Andre. Me before Maddox, me before Maddox!
2. I stay where I am so Maddox will assume I'm relaxed and tough.
3. I stay where I am. I don't want to worry Maddox with any sudden movements.
4. I jump up on the counter, closer to the food and farther from Maddox.

quote:

Cat Treats Acquired: 2
Mice Hunted: 0
Contempt: 37% Affection: 63%
Audacious: 52% Cautious: 48%
Manipulative: 59% Demanding: 41%
Self-Interested: 54% Loyal: 46%
Feral: 53% Domesticated: 47%
Fun-Loving: 55% Comfort-Seeking: 45%
Logical: 43% Intuitive: 57%
Claire's Dislike: 33% Claire's Like: 67%
Andre's Dislike: 35% Andre's Like: 65%
Moon: is intrigued by you.
Bene: is your friend.
Maddox: doesn't care about you.

# ? Mar 24, 2018 14:58

Decoy Badger: May 16, 2009

Jump up!

# ? Mar 24, 2018 15:26

achtungnight: Oct 5, 2014; I get my fun here. Enjoy!

Me first!. My cats always act like this when there�s food involved.

# ? Mar 24, 2018 15:35

Gwaint: Oct 22, 2010; "Music is the truth. Just listen..."

A cat like this will definitely not like sudden movements. Don�t worry, Maddox!

# ? Mar 24, 2018 15:48

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

Gwaint posted:

A cat like this will definitely not like sudden movements. Don�t worry, Maddox!

# ? Mar 24, 2018 16:11

Angrymog: Jan 30, 2012; Really Madcats

We're Relaxed and Tough.

# ? Mar 24, 2018 17:58

Avalerion: Oct 19, 2012

Stay to not worry Maddox.

# ? Mar 24, 2018 18:29

dont be mean to me: May 2, 2007; I'm interplanetary, bitch
Let's go to Mars

Gwaint posted:

A cat like this will definitely not like sudden movements. Don�t worry, Maddox!

# ? Mar 24, 2018 19:01

Ignatius M. Meen: May 26, 2011; Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...

Dialing 3 for friends.

# ? Mar 25, 2018 00:12

VivaLa Eeveelution: Apr 3, 2011

Gwaint posted:

A cat like this will definitely not like sudden movements. Don�t worry, Maddox!

Aye. And keeping in line with the household not being able to figure out how to cat food, I choose to believe Andre is feeding Maddox ice cream.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikhx7ufEUTQ

# ? Mar 25, 2018 06:19

AJ_Impy: Jun 17, 2007; SWORD OF SMATTAS. CAN YOU NOT HEAR A WORLD CRY OUT FOR JUSTICE? WHEN WILL YOU DELIVER IT?; Yam Slacker

Relaxed and tough . Be cool, they�re novices at the food thing.

# ? Mar 25, 2018 10:16

POOL IS CLOSED: Jul 14, 2011; I'm just exploding with mackerel. This is the aji wo kutta of my discontent.; Pillbug

Relaxed and tough. Anyway, there's no way to know if Andre is gonna break out rotten SPAM like Claire day one.

# ? Mar 26, 2018 22:27

SimplyUnknown1: Aug 18, 2017; Cat Cat Cat

Ok, one vote each for jumping onto the counter and chasing after Andre, three votes for acting tough, and six for not worrying Maddox. Let's be friends!

quote:

You lean back on your haunches with your focus back on Maddox�his scuffed-up skin and fur, his mangled, neglected appearance. There is no point contributing to the problems of someone who already has far too many�not to mention someone who might turn around and maul you if you try.

The tip of your tail flicks nervously, despite your best efforts to control it. It catches Maddox's eye, which narrows as it gauges.

You blink slowly, once, hoping like hell he'll take it for the sign it actually is�that you mean him no harm whatsoever. He gives a slight nod of his head. His street smarts, after all, are well honed. He sees a cat who's pretty scared but trying. More importantly, he sees a cat who's giving him his space. His estimation of you increases, just a little.

Andre's pulled the cupboard wide open, and you drag your gaze off Maddox to the patchwork of labels and logos. Your head bobs side to side as you try to get a decent look at all of them around Andre's tiptoeing calves. One thing is clear: Claire really meant it when she said she'd do a proper shopping trip today. An entire two shelves are full of cat stuff. You spot several pictures of smug-looking felines licking their paws, still more of cats jumping far too energetically over airbrushed toys or children. There are a dozen Fancy Feast cans among the other brands. You recognize those from raiding bins outside the houses of pompous inbred kitties, like Siamese and Burmese cats. You can't help but lick your lips.

Andre throws you a look that says "Stay" and pulls down a can with a simple-looking picture: a cat sniffing at a pile of unidentifiable goo.

"Catsters," he reads aloud. "Nine out of ten cats prefer it. You hear that? Let's hope those cats had nice things to prefer it to, not just Spam or horseshit."

His comments are followed by the whir of the electric can opener on the counter. The contents look pretty uninspiring as Andre lets them slough into a chipped orange bowl, but it turns out they smell great. Both of you cats are quite hypnotized, following Andre's every move with your eyes as he tracks down a spoon. It takes you a minute to understand that he's only feeding Maddox, and that Maddox also has his own special bowl.

"Here you are, old soldier." Andre bends down, bowl in hand. You find yourself yowling�the automatic reminder cats do when food is being served. It's meant to guide one's human into placing food correctly, much as trucks that park in alleys get their guidance from those awful beeping sounds.

It doesn't work. Andre smiles at the mangy assemblage of tufts he calls "buddy," who wolfs down your food in a flash. "I guess you've been hiding out a while, huh?"

It's pretty clear Andre is fond of this weather-worn feline, and he'd clearly be grateful if you'd show him some friendliness too. Maddox looks over at you, gulping still more of your food. That glint in his eye might well be smugness. It might also just be wariness or the plaintive gaze of someone grateful for the smallest of life's comforts. You decide, in the end, to:

-Bully him out of his food right under Andre's nose.
-Use my good nature to try befriending him.
-Stand near Maddox's food and meow loudly to demand Andre feed me as well.
-Gain a dual advantage: befriend Maddox in front of Andre but tell him to stay off your turf.
-Stay where I am. I have a strong feeling it's best not to go near him while he's eating.

Ok, that seemed to go well. But now what do we do?

1. Bully him out of his food right under Andre's nose.
2. Use my good nature to try befriending him.
3. Stand near Maddox's food and meow loudly to demand Andre feed me as well.
4. Gain a dual advantage: befriend Maddox in front of Andre but tell him to stay off your turf.
5. Stay where I am. I have a strong feeling it's best not to go near him while he's eating.

quote:

Cat Treats Acquired: 2
Mice Hunted: 0
Contempt: 37% Affection: 63%
Audacious: 52% Cautious: 48%
Manipulative: 59% Demanding: 41%
Self-Interested: 54% Loyal: 46%
Feral: 53% Domesticated: 47%
Fun-Loving: 55% Comfort-Seeking: 45%
Logical: 43% Intuitive: 57%
Claire's Dislike: 33% Claire's Like: 67%
Andre's Dislike: 35% Andre's Like: 65%
Moon: is intrigued by you.
Bene: is your friend.
Maddox: doesn't care about you.