LET'S READ War of the Archangels (The Satanic Uprising): A Novel

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Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

quote:

Mom and Dad

Today never stays, tomorrow never comes, yesterday is always gone and life is a momentary twinkle of a fireflies light, which burst forth for a fleeting instant and vanishes, leaving us with eternity ... you've made a difference in mine.

Book dedications are like listening to two people discuss an inside joke or story, where only those two people involved "get" it, and you are the third thumb left out in the cold, wondering what it all means. For the most part they are a couple of glib lines to someone, a quick shout out ... "most."

I on the other hand, feel that my dedications are declarations of affirmation, a pronouncement to the world, that these people, helped me in "this" particular project, some of whom I have never have even met.

To God: For allowing me the honor of peeking behind the curtain of time and telling your story. This was an astonishing impartation.

To my son Christopher: Your love of life fills me with zeal: Your love of me, despite my flaws (too many to name), bewilders me: Your heart for others is more Christ like than any ten preachers ... this book is for you and the generations you spawn.

To Kim Clement: You ARE a prophet of God, whose prophecies are astonishingly precise, so accurate in fact it sometimes fills me with awe. The communion you have with God and his Spirit is absolutely staggering, and it was while watching you on TV that I heard Heaven's voice say, "It's time to write the book ... write it now, write the book now." (Kimclement.com)

Jan Whittenburg: I have known you for years (how they fly by) and when I was out living in the endless wastelands of darkness, you came to me with a word, and said God wanted me to have Jeremiah 29:11, and I have clung to that word until this very day.

Pastor Jeff Barbour: Back when I was sitting in you're your class, and you thought I was getting nothing out of it, because I was a punk teenager, well I actually did, you had a profound affect upon my beliefs. You were the first teacher that showed me that the spirit realm was real, and made out of substance. Your wisdom in this subject is unparalleled, and that information, from those days, is the foundation of this book.

Dr. Chuck Missler: When I was very young I first began to develop the idea that UFO's were not really what we are taught they might be. I had too many nagging questions on the subject, and it was your study and writings, which reaffirmed (to me at least) that I was not crazy. (Khouse.org)

Pastor Greg Huda: Your work ethic is amazing to me, how you study and read the entire texts of numerous works, is remarkable. Your attention to detail is almost maddening for me to watch, but in the end it is this ferocity of persistence that inspired me to dig deeper for this work, and it paid off. You're a dear friend and brother.

Sam Beeler: You have been with me from the first chapter of this book, by reading it and giving me your advice, your uncompromising affirmation and your encouragement. It's been a blast thus far, (and it's only the beginning my friend).

Butch Bays: You are the answer to many of my prayers. When I was wild in high school you tried to keep me grounded, when I was homeless, you and your beautiful wife gave me a place to live. And you always give me the time a day when I call for some artwork! What kind of crazy talent you have ... the world needs to hear from you my friend. (Note: Butch did the amazing cover for this book.)

And of course to Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, Uriel, and the rest of the Angels, who have fought the satanic uprising on God's behalf for all these many years. This is your story and even though we do not worship you, I wanted to give a "shout out"!

# ? Dec 20, 2017 07:15

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# ? May 2, 2024 05:47

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

"There is NO Dream Too extreme!"
�Chris Robinson, writing on the front page of my copy of this book

quote:

Chris Robinson is an aspiring filmmaker, and accomplished actor, author and songwriter, who grew up in the world of George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, Marvel Comics, John Wayne and church. However, it is this wonderful diverse world, which propelled Chris to write this sweeping epic.

Chris Robinson is an interesting man with some interesting ideas. War of the Archangels is not his first book (whose cover shares a bizarre attribute with this book's, if you look for it), but it might as well be - before, he had written mainly to entertain, but here he is gripped by inescapable purpose, a drive that renders any previous work irrelevant and insignificant. This is a book that exists to enlighten the world with Chris Robinson's strange take on Christian cosmology, an explication of the workings and history of realms beyond our own. He is here to teach, if you will only listen.

Appropriately, given the task that he has taken on in writing his book and its significance to him, Robinson begins with a brief introduction laying out the theories and inspirations that brought him to this point, titled "Knowledge Quest: The Author's Introduction". He starts with a trite and long-winded picture of society's spiritual thirst and confusion before getting to the heart of his aims:

Page x posted:

For centuries these questions have been simmering in the hearts of mankind, but as of late, that simmer has become a boiling pot, with billions of people demanding the answers. I guess this is why I wrote this book to give the reader a behind the scenes look at what was happening from God's perspective. I wanted to go back, way back to the earliest ages ... but what were the earliest ages?

Unsurprisingly, Robinson finds his answers in the book of Genesis. Surprisingly, he is not a young-Earth Creationist:

Page x posted:

Now there are some good Christian people, who are very sincere in their belief that the Earth is only 10,000 years old, and that humans lived at the same time as the dinosaurs, and Paleolithic men, such as the Neanderthal man, are a myth. I am truly sorry to disagree, but I just don't get that line of thinking? According to Paleontologist, (People way smarter than me in this area) dinosaurs walked this planet by the tens of thousands, in herds as mighty as the buffalo of the old West. And these beasts were ferocious killing machines ... the Steven Spielberg movie, Jurassic Park is spot on! I am afraid that we humans would have been an after lunch and before dinner snack for almost any living creature of that time.

No, what Robinson proposes is decidedly different, hinging on Genesis 1:1-2:

Page xi posted:

The word formless and or empty in the Hebrew language is tohu, which is a VERB that means "Lays To Waste." Whoa! That changes everything about this passage. So it should read ... "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth, and the earth was laid to waste!"

Now I see, God said, "Let there be light" and ... Big Bang ... the universe unfurls, the Earth is created, maybe even for the Angels, and life goes on. (Side Note: Genesis 1:28 in the King James, God instructs Adam and Eve to REPLENISH the earth.) Then something happens that angers God, but just what could have happened that would make God destroy what he had made?

[Revelation 12:7-9]

There was a rebellion in the heavens, a revolution, a WAR! Not an argument, not a playground fight, not a disagreement, not spiritual mind games, but a true blue, full blown, all out war. Now I already know what so many of you good people will say, "But Angels are spirits and live in the spirit realm, they might argue, but war? Come on they are invisible."

And here Robinson embarks on a logical journey that will take us to a very odd place once the story begins. The pages he spends on his argument can be summarized very briefly: the book of Revelation describes Heaven and spirits in physical terms, and thus they have their own physical substance and space. In short, they occupy physical dimensions:

Page xiv posted:

Physicists have proven that extra dimensions, and the ability to tunnel into them really do exist. It's been proven that there are eleven dimensions, most of which we cannot yet traverse. By accessing the wormholes embedded in the space-time continuum one is able to move from universe to universe with ease, that is if you are an Angel made of spirit substance.

How does he know that angels (or Angels) can do this? Such an appearance was a profound influence on the writing of this very book:

Page xv posted:

One night while sleeping I felt as if someone had called my name and I began to float out of my bed. I think it was more of a vision, but at the same time I was not sure. I went through an opening, which was located at the end of my bed and was suddenly inside a new dimension. The sky, if that's what it was, was cobalt blue and the light was an astonishing peach, and there were billowing clouds of crimson smoke. Standing before me was an Angel, who stood some 15 feet tall and he wasn't playing games. He wore some kind of tunic type of out fit, kind of like Luke in Star Wars, he had blonde hair and his eyes were as flaming cut diamonds. He glowed from the inside out, much like a night light, but it was a surging raging kind of light, but not brilliant, meaning he did not radiate causing me to go blind. I was not sure what was happening ... at first I thought I'd eaten too many fries and burgers and had a heart attack and I was on my way out. Then I thought I was having a Paul type experience, either way I asked the Angel a question. "Are you taking me to Heaven? Excuse me, are you taking me to Heaven?" He did not respond, but I did notice he had his hand on the hilt of a mighty big sword and seemed fixated upon something, something "out there". Then I heard a voice say, "The writing of your book as brought you undesired attention, and he is here to protect you." BAM, I was back in my bed.

After this intriguing episode, Robinson moves on to the topic of distinguishing angels from demons. Angels, he argues, retain their physical bodies in the spiritual world, but demons have been cast out of theirs. This is why angels can appear as themselves on Earth but demons must possess hosts. Following a brief digression about Nephilim and the book of Enoch (according to Robinson's reading of Enoch, the "fallen, totally corrupt, evil DNA" of fallen angels, not yet bodiless demons, combined with human DNA to "create one ugly mess" in the Nephilim) and a plug for his website warofthearchangels.com (now gone and sadly absent from the Wayback's archives), he wraps up with a description of Satan's evil - he's really bad, you guys, so bad that "he'd make Hitler look like your Aunt May" - and concludes his introduction with these heartening words:

Page xx posted:

This book takes much of what I have learned and adds the impartation from God's mouth to my brain. It's what I call "Plausible Fiction", meaning the story is plausible, but it is a story. So get yourself a cup of coffee, or a glass of ice tea, or head to your local coffee house and get lost in the War Of The Archangels ...

Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 05:17 on Dec 21, 2017

# ? Dec 20, 2017 08:42

Pastry of the Year: Apr 12, 2013

High-tailing it to the Plausible Fiction section of my nearest brick-and-mortal bookshop.

# ? Dec 20, 2017 13:56

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

I am so down for this.

# ? Dec 20, 2017 15:43

anilEhilated: Feb 17, 2014; But I say fuck the rain.; Grimey Drawer

I am positively mesmerized. Please do go on. :allears:

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:12

Zamboni Rodeo: Jul 19, 2007; NEVER play "Lady of Spain" AGAIN!

Sham bam bamina! posted:

"There is NO Dream Too extreme"
�Chris Robinson, writing on the front page of my copy of this book

quote:
Chris Robinson is an aspiring filmmaker, and accomplished actor, author and songwriter, who grew up in the world of George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, Marvel Comics, John Wayne and church. However, it is this wonderful diverse world, which propelled Chris to write this sweeping epic.

So, is this the Black Crowes Chris Robinson? Because if it's not, I'm just going to choose to believe that it is.

# ? Dec 20, 2017 19:20

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

For once, I'm not the one reading the terrible book for a thread!

# ? Dec 20, 2017 20:22

Pastry of the Year: Apr 12, 2013

chitoryu12 posted:

For once, I'm not the one reading the terrible book for a thread!

<radio> No, chitoryu12. You are the terrible book.

# ? Dec 20, 2017 23:56

TheGreatEvilKing: Mar 28, 2016

This looks amazing.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 02:24

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

After the introduction is a "preface" whose pages have Roman numerals like the introduction, but it comes after the title page and is part of the novel's narrative, so I don't know why Robinson didn't just make it the first chapter.

After a brief paragraph of scene-setting, the preface gets down to business and describes the, uh, governance of the spiritual world:

Page xxiii posted:

The sons of God were the practitioners of scientific wisdom, the curators of creation, building civilizations on terrestrial planets all under the Galactic Empire known as the United Federation of Kingdom Nations. The keepers of ancient creation, the rulers of the multiple universes were the Seven Kings Of Wisdom, whose job it was to impart the secrets of design to the Archangels at the Academy of Delphia. Each planet was ruled over by a Senate, the Archangel of that system assuming the role of the Supreme Chancellor. The Supreme Chancellor would appoint a Secretary General to one of the four Counsels of Law and Justice: The Counsel of Corinth, the Counsel of Draco, the Counsel of Lyra, and the Counsel of Orion, who in turn would report to the Supreme Counsel of Cherub Elders, who would report to the Absolute Trinity.

See, if the spaceships on the cover didn't tip you off, the physical dimensions of spiritual space mean that these spiritual beings rely on physical technology, and given their eons of advancement compared to humanity, this means that we're in for some full-bore science fiction. And if Robinson's persistence in using "counsel" in place of "council" bothers you, this is going to be rough going; his righting has quite the pension for malapropisms. At least he doesn't confuse "capital" and "capitol" like Suzanne Collins.

The preface picks up quickly, though, with a genuinely fascinating account of Creation. I will give Robinson this much credit: no matter how crazy the things he imagines get, and no matter how sloppily he writes them down, he definitely gets you to see them. This is the most vividly written awful book I've read since Dragons: Lexicon Triumvirate, with the additional benefit of being filtered through Chris Robinson's wide-eyed glee instead of Kenneth Eng's condescending self-importance. Before I get to Creation, though, I want to take a brief look at the preparations for this process:

Page xxv posted:

The Angels enter through the door of enlightenment, symbolized by two shimmering pillars of burnished gold and kiss the pulsating Sword of the Kingdom Nations, the Sword Of Yeshua.

Enough of that. There's a supernaturally grandiose procession - whose transcription I'll limit to the phrase "Lucifer swaggered out in front, while Michael, Uriel, Gabriel, and Raphael marched right behind him" - toward "the Lord of Host" at the heart of Heaven:

Page xxvi posted:

Within the mathematically arranged metropolis resided a Temple Pyramid so enormous and geometrically perfect that the mere gaze upon the structure produced feelings of fright and tingling flashes of joy. Angels bowed in awe as enormous arcs of magnificent light burst high in the sky surrounding the Thrones, which seemed to hover above the apex of gold, supported by lightening and a power surging mist. The Absolute, the Word, and raging Spirit of Living fire sat upon these most astounding thrones. Gargantuan pillars of white light burned with fury from the eyes of the Father, as he over looked the complex maze of tens of thousands of towering buildings.

After about a page's worth of further description, we finally reach the scene's destination, the Big Bang:

Pages xxvii-xxix posted:

"Let There Be Light."

Instantaneously an immeasurable blast of thermal power raged from the Spirit in a torrent flood of blistering gas and light. In the first second of its existence a speck smaller than a single molecule detonated with such violent force it literally blistered the very essence of nothingness into a globular mass more than 270,000 miles across, with a volume 5,000 times that of the portal it came through. Its expansion caused much of the energy to convert, by stages, into matter. This micro pellet started out with ten dimensions, six of which quickly collapsed to size scales so small they were inaccessible, leaving four dimensions: three of space and one of time.

The initial substance within the pellet took the form of a ten-dimensional string of pure energy These strings that filled the newly forming universe were almost unimaginably thin and insubstantial at one hundred million billion times smaller than the smallest subatomic particles. With exponential increase the pure strings of nuclear energy extended entirely across the universe, each one having a mass equivalent to 10^17 suns. These strings were musical notes, which vibrated much like violin strings, where different harmonics corresponded to an immense mathematical central processing system. These strings delivered tiny patterns in one millionth of a degree temperature fluctuation, which became the center of galaxy structures.

[...]

Particles with a mass weight one trillionth less than that of an electron, called axions where fused together by billion degree liquid radiation. The delicate balance of helium and beryllium created carbon, which without, life could not exist. Quasars and galactic cluster clouds turned the black cosmic canvas into a bright array of beautiful colors. At this instant of creation, the Word withdrew from a spherical region at the very center of eternity and created a vacuum. Into this he placed a portion of His own essence in the form of a minutely thin line of Upper Light, which divided the physical universe from the Spiritual universe. The Living Word, the rushing river of righteousness, stood with outstretched arms. Like a conductor of a celestial symphony He directed the melodies and harmonies of universal creation.

Once the Earth itself comes into being, Robinson's Creation account becomes a significantly less entertaining lecture on the anthropic principle, but even that doesn't detract from the infectious rush of this cosmic event (of which I've transcribed about half). If the average sci-fi author believed even half as much in what they wrote as Robinson does, the genre would be a much more interesting realm. (On the other hand, they might just end up writing Battlefield Earth, so never mind.)

But, of course, this is the story of a war, and every story needs an inciting incident:

Pages xxx-xxxi posted:

Lucifer, the chief Archangel of the Supreme Counsel of Cherub Elders, became obsessed with himself, enchanted at his own voice, enamored by his own beauty, drunk by his own power, lusting after the adoration given unto the Trinity. The shroud of pride fell upon Lucifer, as did the hatred for the future plans. God had to make a creation called man, who would be infused with the Trinity's Divine DNA, making them true sons of God. Lucifer's heart became bitterly black, a sullen wasteland of wicked sin, causing his very molecular structure to become infused with sulfur bacterium, which began to eat at his actual being. Rumors and smear campaigns were unleashed upon key members of Heaven, as back room deals, done in the shadow of lies cancer, propelled Lucifer into the realm of being thought of as an Emperor. This strife led to political lectures, demonstrations, walkouts, and Anti-Yeshua Rallies. Uneasiness swept across the Kingdom as Angles by the billions defected from the ranks of the United Federation of Kingdom Nations and joined Lucifer's cause. [...] Lucifer became a mighty hunter before the LORD, with a ruthlessness lust for power.

Lucifer was cunning and his take over of the universe swift. First, he published, "Wisdom and Forbidden Knowledge", which promoted the view that all Angels could be god of their own kingdoms. Secondly, he organized the, "Imperialist Resistance", which was made up of nomadic Angelic warriors, who had dedicated themselves to Lucifer and his revolution. [...] All the Archangels and their legions, and the Seven Kings Of Wisdom came to together to choose their loyalties. The verbal fight between Lucifer and Michael has since gone down in the digest of history. Three of the Counsels of Six signed a treaty with Lucifer, leaving only the Counsel of Corinth loyal unto God. Thus with his three of six, Lucifer succeeded from the United Federation and formed, The Unholy Six Galactic Alliance, and formally seceded from the Kingdom Nations.

These passages, aside from the bewildering shifts in their narrative distance and the tone of their imagery ("Anti-Yeshua Rallies"?), illustrate the single most baffling aspect of this book to me: What unearthly word processor is Robinson using? When "Angles by the billions" defect and Lucifer gains a "ruthlessness lust for power", it seems that Robinson let his spell checker correct every word he typed without oversight. But the book's swarms of proper nouns can't possibly all be in the spell checker's dictionary, so that means that he had to manually approve or discard its emendations. And how is it that Lucifer "succeeded" from the Federation while his Alliance "seceded" in the same sentence? I have never seen such inexplicable patternlessness of error in any other text.

Whatever the cause of his technical lapses, Robinson at least knows enough about writing to end his preface on description instead of exposition:

Page xxxi posted:

With their sin the Angelic armies that stood against God were given new names and identities. The very nature of sin corrupted their DNA and the rebellious Angels from the lead Counsel of Draco were turned into Draco-Reptilians known as Draconians. The Draconians lost their Angelic looks and were turned into hideous Red Dragons. They became shape-shifters and resided on the now poisoned planet Rahab. Lucifer himself was turned into a repulsive, shape-shifting Serpentine-Dragon, who's name was now Satan. He was transformed from being the most beautiful Angel of all to a lizard like dark scaly skinned sorcerer, a dark god, who wore a black hooded robe to hide his intent. He was the most malevolent, depraved being in all of creation, pure evil, pure ungodliness, and pure wickedness. He breathed rage and bled hate, his thoughts were decadent and his lust for blood relentless, his abhorrence for God was endless and he burned with fury for total revenge. The lesser Angels from the Counsel of Orion were transformed into small hairless creatures with huge egg shaped heads, known as Grey's, and the Sebeth Order from the Counsel of Lyra, were turned into humanoid sea monsters.

The seed of rebellion was found in the Realms of Glory ... the battle lines had been drawn ... and so it began.

Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 00:00 on Dec 22, 2017

# ? Dec 21, 2017 07:12

anilEhilated: Feb 17, 2014; But I say fuck the rain.; Grimey Drawer

quote:

back room deals, done in the shadow of lies cancer

quote:

shadow of lies cancer

Quality username material there.

Please tell me this goes on to the modern times and aliens are in fact fallen angels.

e: Also, isn't "Imperialist resistance" a particularly stupid oxymoron?

# ? Dec 21, 2017 13:56

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

quote:

God had to make a creation called man, who would be infused with the Trinity's Divine DNA, making them true sons of God.

God is an idiot god who is compelled to do the dance of creation.

quote:

Lucifer's heart became bitterly black, a sullen wasteland of wicked sin, causing his very molecular structure to become infused with sulfur bacterium, which began to eat at his actual being

For a hyper intelligent being, Lucifer didn't notice the miasmic humors affecting him (any medicine of sufficient advancement is indistinguishable from medieval medicine). I'm willing to bet his spirit-blood pH was out of whack as well.

So much to unpack in those quoted passages.

# ? Dec 21, 2017 14:09

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

This is the "drunken James Joyce" people were promised in my Furlites of Aroriel thread! And yeah, I'm not sure I have any plans to return to that book. It's just becoming so hard to read I can't even get entertainment out of it.

quote:

United Federation of Kingdom Nations

Ah, the UFKN (pronounced "You-Fuckin").

# ? Dec 21, 2017 15:16

TheGreatEvilKing: Mar 28, 2016

Am I the only one who finds the imagery of a bunch of fallen angels with signs protesting outside God's palace hilarious?

# ? Dec 21, 2017 15:17

Rough Lobster: May 27, 2009; Don't be such a squid, bro

I can't imagine it was too hard for God's law enforcement angels to sniff out potential wrongdoing since the bad guys literally smell like egg farts.

Also gently caress yeah reptile spacemen. I'm so down.

# ? Dec 22, 2017 00:05

A human heart: Oct 10, 2012

chitoryu12 posted:

This is the "drunken James Joyce" people were promised in my Furlites of Aroriel thread!

Except that the style here isn't very similar to Joyce at all.

# ? Dec 22, 2017 00:54

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

A human heart posted:

Except that the style here isn't very similar to Joyce at all.

Yes please provide accurate literary criticism to my joke about a crazy person�s religious sci-fi book.

# ? Dec 22, 2017 01:16

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

chitoryu12 posted:

Yes please provide accurate literary criticism to my joke about a crazy person�s religious sci-fi book.

Please stop posting about yourself.

# ? Dec 22, 2017 01:27

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Please stop posting about yourself.

I was talking about this book.

# ? Dec 22, 2017 01:49

australiar: Dec 21, 2017; by Smythe

this rules, please post it all

# ? Dec 22, 2017 03:01

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

Welp, Firefox crashed and took my FINISHED post with it.

~~No update tonight.~~ I have enough residual energy, focus, and memory of what I just wrote that I'm starting over. There will be an update.

Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 04:04 on Dec 22, 2017

# ? Dec 22, 2017 03:28

A human heart: Oct 10, 2012

chitoryu12 posted:

Yes please provide accurate literary criticism to my joke about a crazy person�s religious sci-fi book.

I don't think it's a very good joke if the book looks nothing like Joyce at all

# ? Dec 22, 2017 04:39

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

A human heart posted:

I don't think it's a very good joke if the book looks nothing like Joyce at all

Fucks sake.

The point isn't that it looks like Joyce. It's that the story so far appears to the be a fevered stream of consciousness by a religious nut. It's not that long of a walk to make a middling joke (the connecting tissue being "stream of consciousness" if you need it spelled out).

You're either being deliberately obtuse or you're an idiot.

# ? Dec 22, 2017 04:45

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

Shush, shush! It's story time!

# ? Dec 22, 2017 05:18

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

At long last, we finally reach... Chapter 1.

Page 1 posted:

Before the ages of time in the Kingdom Nations of God, there was war ...

The wars of antiquity originated on the planet Tusk in the Rasten Star System, just West of the Panzerail Galaxy, when the Nomadic soldiers who had joined Satan, came ashore the Tusken beaches stepping through the carriage left in the wake of the gigantic offensive known as the Satanic Uprising. With a blistering attack and a grand sweep of the Rasten Senate many systems fell into line quickly. Lead by Leviathan a brilliant military mind and a deeply malevolent Angel, the war quickly spilled into the Panzerail Galaxy.

Jandella is the last planet in the entire region that has any loyalty to the Kingdom of the Trinity. However the Administrator of the Jandella Senate, is power hungry and easily seduced by the soothing ego soaked words of the Ascended Masters. Administrator Bal Ram Pompe has just been granted temporary power over the entire planet by the Senates Supreme Chancellor, the Archangel Jandella, who is away fighting in the Outer Regions.

I'm at a loss as to how a war across galaxies begins with a beach landing, but I'll actually give Robinson the benefit of the doubt with "West of the Panzerail Galaxy" - it isn't hard to imagine the holy capital in the preface as the reference point for cardinal directions in space. Then again, while I don't know yet if these cardinal directions include "up" and "down", I somehow doubt that Robinson has thought that far in imagining this world.

And, as the "Tusken" beaches and deepening references to space politics hint, what he has imagined isn't entirely his own anyway...

But we have more pressing concerns, like the establishment of principal characters:

Page 1 posted:

On the Galactic Station, Icon XII Raphael, a member of the famed Guardian Knights, keeps watch over the Imperial Palace of Jandella. He gazes out the bay window with Rush, an indigo Eagle sitting on his shoulder and Shebam, a pure white panther by his side, which he strokes gently. Raphael beholds the beauty of the blue planet as Transport Ships come and go in an apparent endless stream of activity. He quietly longs for a return of Rahab, the heart of the Angelic civilization. However, the seat of the rebellion is now centered there. Raphael ties his formidable sword of crystallite fire around his robe sash and turns to find Anton standing in front of him.

"Anton!" Raphael exclaims with a heart full of enchantment.

Anton is one of the "Courier's", who have bodies of "crystal gold" and "are among the few Angles that actually have biological wings". He's come because he has "sensed [...] some kind of distress", which Raphael confirms:

Page 2 posted:

"I can't pinpoint any one concentration of evil among the Council, yet the darkness is strong there. It's maddening."

Yeah, no prizes for guessing Chris Robinson's favorite movie franchise.

The conversation quickly digresses into a murky expostulation on the Trinity and Raphael's destiny before "alarms and buzzards" mercifully interrupt. Anticipating "excitement of some sort", Anton and Raphael "run and glare fiercely out the huge bay window" before enacting this scene:

Page 3 posted:

Through a bio-electro-telepathic implant Raphael projects a crystal holographic projection grid from his open hand, which connects him to the bridge. "Royal Shield to the Bridge."

Grand Admiral Palamore reply's, "Raphael, Palamore here, our sensors just picked up in incoming Aquarian Assault Cruisers and Venom Fighters at Quad 4-arc 6."

"Are you sure ... Satan's been gutsy, but he's not crazy, to invade the Holy Planet of Jandella is suicide."

"I am very sure Raphael ... they're approaching fast, about 20,000 miles per quarter."

"Well Admiral I suggest you give them a warm welcome. I'll join Uriel in the air to air assault."

Raphael quickly propels a digital plasma grid from his hand and projects it horizontally like a movie screen. He then accesses the Ashtar Communication Network, a 3,000-mile long by 3,000-mile wide space based computer that numerous Angelic cultures are tied into via these same bio-electro-telepathic implants. Once in, he pulls up numerous reports of invasions throughout the galaxy.

"Just as I feared ... Satan has made his move, and now we must make ours."

While the station is readying its "Mercury Guns", the enemy's opening barrage momentarily shuts the power down with an explosion. Raphael and Anton take to their "Esoteric fighters" alongside their fellow Guardian Knights to do battle with the attacking "Venom fighters":

Page 4 posted:

Raphael closes in on the Venom fighters with tremendous mind numbing speeds and without hesitation it's on.

[...]

Janziel pushes the throttle of his Esoteric fighter forward and swoops in from underneath Raphael, blasting a Venom fighter with lightning speed. The laser sheers the entire top of the ship right off, as the second blast disintegrates the fuselage, causing the fighter to whirl into a spin and into another fighter. Both fighters explode. Raphael and Janziel momentarily close their eyes as they ascend right through the plume of a white-hot fireball.

"Thanks Janziel."

"You'd do the same for me."

Unfortunately, this military assault is a distraction from the machinations of the "Ascended Masters" on Jandella. I realize that this next excerpt will probably feel staid after that riveting action, but I just love how hard Robinson commits to a stupid, stupid idea here:

Pages 4-5 posted:

Far from the battle, on the planets surface, Bal Ram Pompe sits with the Ascended Masters at the round table of law; they are Virgo, who's name means, 'Promised Seed': Libra, who's name means, 'The Redeemers Atoning Work': Scorpio, who's name means, 'The Redeemers Conflict': Sagittarius, who's name means, 'The Redeemers Triumph': Capricorns, who's name means, 'The Redeemers Suffering': Aquarius, who's name means, 'The Blessing Assured': Pisces, who's name means, 'Blessing In Abeyance': Aries, who's name means, 'Blessings Consummated': Taurus, who's name means, 'Messiahs Coming Rule': Gemini, who's name means, 'Messiah As Prince Of Princes': Cancer, who's name means, 'Messiahs Redeemed Possessions': and Leo, who's name means, 'The Prophecy Of Triumph Fulfilled'.

You thought you knew the signs of the zodiac, but you thought wrong!

Anyway, the Ascended Masters are on Jandella to win Bal Ram Pompe over to Satan's cause. They spend a full page or so telling Pompe that God fears Satan's power and that this power can make Pompe a god himself. Pompe doesn't even make a token objection:

Page 6 posted:

Pompe sits back in his ivory throne, gazing at his Senate Ring and the six inch purple sash draped over his tunic. "I want total control ... I want Palatine at my side and be treated as the god I am."

Virgo agrees "Of course.".

Pompe does have some practical concerns, though:

Page 6 posted:

"Blanor will not stand for this.... and if you touch him you will draw the wrath of Michael. And what of Jandella himself?"

Sagittarius sneers, "Oh the famed Guardian Knight Blanor ... we will handle him. Jandella is fighting a futile war in the Outer Regions and as for Michael I have sent a Insectoid mercenary named Dur~Kran, to hunt him down ... the Guardian Knights are finished my friend."

So while this Jedi's off in the Outer Rim, they're sending Zuckuss to help execute Order 66 and... ugh, it's so blatant at this point!

Meanwhile, the tide of battle is turning for the worse:

Page 6 posted:

Far above Jandella, Majestic Fire finds themselves overwhelmed by the Aquarian Cruisers and Venom fighters.

"Break right Oraiel."

"Copy lead one, Raphael, take my left wing-I can't shake him."

"On my way Oraiel!"

The Venom fighter closes in fast and squares Oraiel in the target site. With his finger on the trigger the minion of evil slowly squeezes when a double blast of scarlet laser fire cuts through his port nacelle, causing the fighter to explode.

"Thanks Raphael."

"Anytime Oraiel."

The relentless battle quickly degenerates, going from organized chaos to psycho insanity in just a matter of moments.

Raphael turns back to Icon XII to fight the boarding party. Once in the landing bay, he "vaults from his fighter", because we're cribbing specific shots from Star Wars now. He meets up with Anton, and they charge into the fray. Here, Robinson throws a curveball by briefly making Raphael an anime character:

Page 7 posted:

Raphael opens his palm and unleashes an inferno by discharging an atomic wave blast, which instantly dematerializes anything it touches.

"What are you doing?" Anton yells over the fighting.

"I'm ending this now!"

"If you use your powers you'll destroy the ship!"

Suddenly realizing his friend is right after seeing a portion of the ship dematerialize, he pulls back.

"Uh ... I think you're right."

Raphael and Anton are "penned down" temporarily by "nitro laser fire", but they manage to escape and "take out the computer exchanges and detonate every Thermo Nuclear fuel storage depot" rather than letting the station fall into enemy hands.

Before long, they run into... oh, who am I kidding? He's a Sith, albeit armed with the Highlander's sword instead of a lightsaber:

Page 8 posted:

Zendark, a most formidable foe and former Guardian Knight meets them. [...] Anton jumps in front of Zendark, but is thwacked aside like he's nothing. Raphael pulls out his sword of fire and clashes with Zendark's sword causing an electrical blast of power that sends a shower of electrically charged sparks everywhere. Zendark punctuates his feelings with repeated slams of his sword and sidekicks, until Raphael sags and falls unconscious.

Darth Vader then boards the station:

Page 8 posted:

Suddenly the main blast doors blow open and the Imperialist forces enter, shooting any and all United Federation personnel of God that make a move upon them. Then through the smoke enters General Jupiter wearing his Satanic Empire uniform, a black suit of armor with a red sash draped over his left shoulder that has the satanic insignia embroidered on it.

"Jupiter ... you know that the Lord of Host will not stand for this. I have sent a dispatch to Uziel, you will have to deal with him."

Jupiter laughs, "Uziel will have no one to rule over after this day Palamore. Jandella is now ours, and Lord Satan will own eighty percent of the star systems in this Universe. There is nothing you can do."

And that's Chapter 1. If you think that ripping off Star Wars is a boring way for a book to be bad, don't worry, because Chapter 2 is going to be a whole new kind of silly.

Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 07:05 on Dec 22, 2017

# ? Dec 22, 2017 05:18

Proteus Jones: Feb 28, 2013

Spelling and punctuation is completely optional for this guy, isn't it?

# ? Dec 22, 2017 05:24

A human heart: Oct 10, 2012

Proteus Jones posted:

Fucks sake.

The point isn't that it looks like Joyce. It's that the story so far appears to the be a fevered stream of consciousness by a religious nut. It's not that long of a walk to make a middling joke (the connecting tissue being "stream of consciousness" if you need it spelled out).

You're either being deliberately obtuse or you're an idiot.

But it doesn't read like stream of conciousness at all, it's fairly straightforward descriptions of things happening(the things just happen to be theological and somewhat eccentric).

# ? Dec 22, 2017 08:06

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

quote:

going from organized chaos to psycho insanity in just a matter of moments.

Was he talking about the fight or his book?

# ? Dec 22, 2017 14:21

australiar: Dec 21, 2017; by Smythe

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Welp, Firefox crashed and took my FINISHED post with it.

~~No update tonight.~~ I have enough residual energy, focus, and memory of what I just wrote that I'm starting over. There will be an update.

you are a hero

# ? Dec 22, 2017 22:45

australiar: Dec 21, 2017; by Smythe

i desperately want to meet this author irl, he sounds like a bundle of deranged joy

# ? Dec 22, 2017 22:47

TheGreatEvilKing: Mar 28, 2016

So this is Paradise Lost meets the Star Wars prequels.

My God.

# ? Dec 23, 2017 02:17

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

Chapter 2, part the first

Page 9 posted:

In the ages of antiquity past, magnificent Kingdoms rose from the lush terrain of the garden planet called Earth, only to align themselves with Satan, and disappear in total destruction. Five ages have existed on Earth before this sixth one. From the first Kingdom of enchanted creatures such as trolls, elves, dwarfs and gnomes, to the second kingdom of the Angels, which became corrupt and were given over to massive lizards, to the subsequent Kingdoms, where Humanoids ruled as Kings and co-mingled with the fallen Sons Of God.

This sounds a lot like Theosophy, which is a pretty impressive left turn to take at this point. I'm surprised that Madame Blavatsky isn't in the book's dedication, although it's possible that Robinson just picked up this idea secondhand from one of the zillion people who are.

The Guardian Knight Steven is riding his pegasus, Cherub, to "the Sixth Sector" of "the North Valley" - we're apparently on Earth, but don't ask me where.

Pages 9-10 posted:

Mammoth plant eating dinosaurs fill the valley. From Brachiosaurus, who towers over the tress, to Argentinasaurus, who is twice the size of the Brachiosaurus, to Triceratops and Pleurocoelus ... herds of dinosaurs of all kinds roam to and fro, eating and interacting with each other in some kind of Jurassic style neighborhood.

[...]

The Angelic city of Andoria sits right in the middle of the valley. It's a beautiful city made out of immense 300,000-ton emeralds, which have been sculpted to mathematically precise precision by crystal lasers. Colossal pyramid temples, made of Earth's purest gold, sit in the middle of the city, which reflect the glory of the triad Godhead. The Counsel of the Watchers resides within the city, as do many Guardian Knights, including Steven.

"Ah ... Earth, the quintessence of Divine perfection."

Steven isn't going to Andoria, though. He and Cherub touch down in the forest, but it isn't long before a mysterious voice telling them to "Take Heed" stops them in their tracks. Steven "tries to contain the pined up restless energy, which lay's beneath his calm exterior", and he and Cherub continue to a pool of water, where a shadow passes overhead while Cherub is drinking. "We must go Master Steven," Cherub helpfully tells the Guardian Knight. (Cherub is a talking pegasus.)

Pages 10-11 posted:

Steven rides on, but is so ever burdened by the heavy silence ... a thick mist has settled down around him, which drives his thoughts to the countless rumors that the rebellion has entered Earth itself. Steven wonders to himself if the humanoids will stay loyal to God. Then there is the city of EnSidious, which sits beyond the Towers of Nefarious in the land of Vegan. The unsettling rumor is that the dark gods reside there now, ruled by Lord Iniquitous and his Dark Wizard, Melagate. If all this is true, then the rebellion has just taken another twist.

I refuse to comment.

The shadowy creature that's been following Steven chooses this moment to attack. Robinson mentions in passing that it's a "one time Cherub", which means that we have a pegasus named Cherub and actual cherubs in the same story. After a brief struggle, the two separate and face each other down:

Page 11 posted:

Standing before him is a monstrous eight-foot tall beast, who has a dragons body, the face of an Angel, long black hair, like that of a lion's main, teeth of a tiger, the tail of a scorpion, including a 14 inch spike of fire protruding at the end, not to mention powerful scale covered wings.

"You're a Reptilian-Insectoid." Steven utters in almost awe like fashion.

"I'm the mercenary, Dur~Kran, the god of pain."

His vile guttural growls, rip through Steven, penetrating his inner being, nearly driving him into a state of madness.

"There is only one GOD!" Steven commands.

Dur~Kran (note that no part of this "Reptilian-Insectoid" is actually likened to an insect) maintains that he is a god and that Steven can become one too if he joins "the Rebellion of Black Evil" under Satan. But Steven refuses, and they return to fighting:

Page 11 posted:

The furious conquer attacks like a frenzied storm of madness, pounding the smaller Angel all over the place.

"Dur~Kran, why do this?"

Dur~Kran's black seething orbs roll in the back of his head as he speaks the forbidden tongue, "Ou Zenda Drac Omus Yen, Rou Ratifa Cartaism."

The fallen Angel clutches Steven and pounds his entire body upon the ground. He places a knee on his chest, and lifts his dagger tail of fire high into the air, "Dark Prince I give thee this sacrifice."

However, before he can strike, Dur~Kran is stopped by Michael, who has swooped in on his own winged horse, Sapphire:

Page 12 posted:

"Michael!"

"Dur~Kran? Is that you I see picking on Steven, an angel of smaller stature and authority than you, not to mention a friend of mine. This disturbs me, in fact it fills me with righteous indignation, which means you and I now have a problem." Michael pronounces, as he dismounts his horse. "The great Cherub of the North, brought me to this."

"Feel no pity for me! Satan will rip out the Son of God's heart ... and eat it!"

Dur~Kran and Michael argue for a bit, a conversation where Michael literally says, "I sense much fear in you," then fight. It's a pretty great fight, but I can't transcribe everything here. (If you really want to read it, buy the frickin' book, which I think goes without saying by now anyway.) No, we have more important things to cover:

Pages 12-13 posted:

From nowhere the heavy mist, which has settled in the area, begins to take form. From out of the murkiness a slithering shadow materializes and speaks in a repulsive tongue.

"I will receive much pleasure in watching the army of darkness shred you to pieces."

The creature is nauseatingly exquisite and abhorrently hideous, unparalleled in evil. Michael knows of nothing like this in any Kingdom, God did not create this. Michael deliberates the question with himself, what if Satan has become some kind of creator?

The evil beast opens his mouth, causing a legion of shrieking phantoms to exit and swarm around he and Steven, who has made his way to Michael's side. The phantoms take their position and then morph into Reptilian Centurions of the Satanic Empire and attack.

There's more fighting. Michael eventually stops the beast and the bounty hunter by going Super Saiyan:

Page 13 posted:

Michael turns back to the creature and Dur~Kran, but has endured enough. Michael stands tall, his muscular body grows larger, his face becomes as a ridged cut diamond. A molecular transformation begins to take place within the Archangel, as his body turns into flaming crystallite, his face as lightning, his eyes swirl as a nuclear sun, his arms and legs like blazing lasers, his chest as a whirlwind of majestic power, and his voice is as the sea.

"IN THE NAME OF YESHUA I REBUKE YOU!"

A deafening explosion cuts the thick air as the Portal of the Damned bursts open. Immense harpoons are shot into the two beasts as long squid like arms, embedded with razor sharp hooks, wrap around their bodies. The two fallen creatures are drug kicking and screaming out of the physical realm, and into a voided pit of terror. The Portal closes again with a resounding thud.

"I am so glad you came when you did." Steven spouts with a sigh of relief.

"Long live the Righteous Word, the Son of the Living God, now lets leave this place we are needed on Mars."

I... I need a break. Chapter 2 will conclude next time.

Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 05:59 on Dec 25, 2017

# ? Dec 23, 2017 09:30

Whybird: Aug 2, 2009; Phaiston have long avoided the tightly competetive defence sector, but the IRDA Act 2052 has given us the freedom we need to bring out something really special.

https://team-robostar.itch.io/robostar; Nap Ghost

There's a style of writing that I'm seeing here and that shows up a lot in other amateur works, and I don't know if there's a name for it. It's like the author has imagined a film and is transcribing what happens onto the page. Everything in this book is described in terms of a thing that could happen on a camera, either because the author originally had an idea for a film and couldn't finance it, or because the author has seen lots and lots of films and not read very many books.

# ? Dec 23, 2017 10:30

anilEhilated: Feb 17, 2014; But I say fuck the rain.; Grimey Drawer

For all the respect he seems to have for paleontology and the ~magnificent~ dinosaurs, he does mention some species that weren't around during the Jurassic in his Jurassic neighborhood.
Also, I can't help thinking that "mammoth dinosaurs" would actually be comparatively small to some those he mentioned...

anilEhilated fucked around with this message at 16:28 on Dec 23, 2017

# ? Dec 23, 2017 16:25

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Whybird posted:

There's a style of writing that I'm seeing here and that shows up a lot in other amateur works, and I don't know if there's a name for it. It's like the author has imagined a film and is transcribing what happens onto the page. Everything in this book is described in terms of a thing that could happen on a camera, either because the author originally had an idea for a film and couldn't finance it, or because the author has seen lots and lots of films and not read very many books.

I think that�s exactly it. I wrote like that when I was 13.

My brain is fighting against understanding this. All the words make sense, but it�s like he took LSD during a fever dream and transcribed the book over the course of a single night. Does he even remember writing this or did it appear fully formed in the morning like when Stephen King was on his cocaine benders?

# ? Dec 23, 2017 16:44

australiar: Dec 21, 2017; by Smythe

i don't care what any of you people say, this is powerful stuff and the man is a visionary

# ? Dec 23, 2017 22:02

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

Chapter 2, part the second

Page 13 posted:

Across the black abyss in the Mystic Sea on the Angelic planet Rahab, concealed by the cloak of secret shadows, sits Babylon. This city of erotic evil is the center of Satan's rebellion.

Rahab orbits between Mars and Jupiter, and it used to be "the very seat of worship in the star system" before Satan conquered it. Now, he controls it from "the Aquarian Pyramid", which is built from "massive sulfuric armored blocks" and guarded by "death towers" at its four corners. Within it is "the Temple of Mysticism", where "Darken Vampirism is practiced in the shadows of secrecy". All righty.

Page 14 posted:

The inner depth of the temple houses the Chamber of Darkness, this stygian black metallic room is where the Divine Masters sit. Encircling the table is the Octagon Altar of Wickedness, and sitting around the table are the Fallen Masters: Ra, Apollo, Jupiter, Dark Siege, Baal, Zeus, Incubus, Balberith, known as the bear, and the most vile and feared Angel other than Satan himself, the Angel of Death, Abaddon the Destroyer.

These fallen Angels are the most powerful and viscous minions of evil in the entire kingdom, but it's Abaddon the Destroyer, who Satan keeps, locked away most of the time, for the safety of the others. The Angels talk among themselves when suddenly a portal opens and Satan appears upon his black onyx throne within the Obscene Circle of Blasphemy. The huge throne turns around slowly, and there in all his pride and glory sits the foreboding creature dressed in a black cloak, so that no one can see his intent.

Satan has appeared before this motley crew to give them a lengthy pep talk, but I'll just quote the good part:

Page 15 posted:

"Seize the darkness, take it in hand for THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD IN YOU, THAT IS THE LORD OF DESTRUCTION, SATAN, SO LET THE ANNIHILATION BEGIN!"

Hell yeah!

Zeus informs Satan that their minions have sent "the Oracles of Knowledge and the Sacred Scroll of Light" to Lord Iniquitous in the Kingdom of EnSidious - which, let's not forget, is in the land of Vegan.

The good guys, naturally, are elsewhere:

Page 15 posted:

Just one planet from Satan's throne, sits the planet Mars, which houses the Covering Cherub and seat of all who worship unto Jehovah.

Of course they're based in Cydonia. Of course they're responsible for both the "face" and "pyramids" there. Of course Robinson spends a page and a half marveling at this BS.

Michael and Steven arrive in Michael's "transport fighter" (???) to investigate the disappearance of the Oracles and the Scroll, which turns out to very anachronistically be the Torah. (Or is the anachronism the point?) Gabriel is waiting for them, and he and Michael have a little moment:

Page 17 posted:

The Angels stand to attention as Gabriel and Michael, who are the best of friends, acknowledge each other. Michael respects Gabriel's unwavering integrity and boundless knowledge of the system of God. Gabriel loves Michael's brash inferno like zeal in defending Gods Kingdom, and feels just a little more at ease when he's around.

"As you were, carry on Gabriel." Michael commands with authority.

I guess we know who wears the pants here.

They join the angels Neptune and Mars for a briefing. Satan's forces are overwhelming and imprisoning Guardian Knights across the galaxies, including Raphael and Anton from the previous chapter. They'll have to wait a bit, since Michael is going to rescue Blanor first, a character who was barely mentioned in passing by one of the fallen zodiac angels. Robinson's is a tightly spun tale.

Gabriel pulls up a hologram of the pyramid from the book's cover, which has the Oracles of Knowledge inscribed on it (about a Tumblr post's worth of text, going by the artwork):

Page 17 posted:

"The Oracles of Knowledge as a whole create The Matrix Code Of Existence, which indicate: Revelation by God's own Word, the Word itself being alive. The Oracles Of Knowledge materialize from the Word, Yeshua. These codes include: The Faith Codes, which deal with the substance of things: The DNA Codes, which deal with the genetic make up of biological life: The Prophetic Codes, which deal with points in time, action seen by God, but not by the Angel: And the Creation Codes, which deal with Quantum Physics and formulas that make up the dimensions and universal matter."

The room is alive with the low buzz of awe struck murmuring, for though the Angels know God and see Yeshua daily; they are continuously astonished by the vastness of the Absolute Trinity.

Given that the text on the pyramid is Hebrew and that the dedication's Chuck Missler appears to be into Bible codes (his website was mentioned, so I gave it a look; it's the boring kind of loopy), I'm going to guess that these codes are Bible codes. I guess the Mars face wasn't already stupid enough.

The angel Mars explains that DNA is also a code and projects some more holographic illustrations. The final one is "an extensive cylinder encoded with numeral matrixes and letters":

Page 18 posted:

"This cylinder or tunnel is the dimension of time, a concept new to us, but the expansive universe of terrestrial terrain resides within this dimension. Our parallel universe resides just beyond the mystic sea, trillions upon trillions of light years away. But embedded within the walls of time are Celestial gateways, in which we can vortex in and out instantaneously. God has used this system to place himself into that realm via His Word."

Don't bother trying to understand. You can't. I've tried.

In the end, it turns out that for Satan to create life of his own, he needs the Bible codes to work out the "key" to the code of DNA, which I don't quite believe works that way. The angels split up to search the galaxies and bring the codes back.

Edit: Since that's not a very snappy way to end this post, here's a bit that I randomly flipped to:

Page 59 posted:

In the Land Of The Lions, the Grey's have constructed a massive factory that builds humanoid machines the locals call, the Metal People. The project known as T1-47 is designed to build humanoid machines called androids that are programmed to kill. These androids, officially called Slayers, are 7 feet tall, are made of titanium-alloyed steel, display crushing strength and carry a variety of weapons.

Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 03:44 on Dec 25, 2017

# ? Dec 24, 2017 09:19

anilEhilated: Feb 17, 2014; But I say fuck the rain.; Grimey Drawer

quote:

The inner depth of the temple houses the Chamber of Darkness, this stygian black metallic room is where the Divine Masters sit. Encircling the table is the Octagon Altar of Wickedness, and sitting around the table are the Fallen Masters: Ra, Apollo, Jupiter, Dark Siege, Baal, Zeus, Incubus, Balberith, known as the bear, and the most vile and feared Angel other than Satan himself, the Angel of Death, Abaddon the Destroyer.

...Who?
I also probably find it more amusing than I should that Jupiter is a bad guy while Mars and Neptune are loyal angels. Guy can't even decide his stance on pagan religions.

e: Did he just throw in motherfucking Terminator?

# ? Dec 24, 2017 09:35

Sham bam bamina!: Nov 6, 2012; ƨtupid cat

anilEhilated posted:

I also probably find it more amusing than I should that Jupiter is a bad guy while Mars and Neptune are loyal angels. Guy can't even decide his stance on pagan religions.

Let's be fair. They're all angels, and some have fallen. As far as I can tell, this book posits that every pagan god of antiquity is actually an angel that people worshiped by mistake (cf. the end of the dedication).

Sham bam bamina! fucked around with this message at 09:52 on Dec 24, 2017

# ? Dec 24, 2017 09:44

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# ? May 2, 2024 05:47

A human heart: Oct 10, 2012

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Let's be fair. They're all angels, and some have fallen. As far as I can tell, this book posits that every pagan god of antiquity is actually an angel that people worshiped by mistake (cf. the end of the dedication).

That's also what Milton does in Paradise Lost

# ? Dec 24, 2017 10:53

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn > LET'S READ War of the Archangels (The Satanic Uprising): A Novel

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