Herbicidal Maniac posted:

I was deadlifting and feeling pretty good so I figure I'd go for a pr. Loaded up the bar and halfway through I let loose this 15-20 second fart that sounded like it reverberated through the entire gym. I finished the rep and just busted out laughing.

Papa Emeritus III posted:

Alright. I've done it. I took an afternoon shower and put my cheeks to use.

At first, I didn't have the intention of making the fart experiment but the urge to let one rip suddenly hit me. Coffee had kicked in. So did my fancypants yogurt. In that same instant, I remembered this thread and the glorious story of Bloodfart McCoy. Naturally, I laughed like the immature retard I am for about 5 minutes and then promptly dropped my washcloth and turned to press my rear end against the wall. Buttcheeks spread.

We have one of those vinyl or plastic stand up showers with the sliding door. It used to be a tub but I pulled that out and slapped in a shower. There's a little bit of room between the drywall underneath the shower liner and the actual shower wall itself. Not much. But if you press on the vinyl, it just pops in less than a half inch. With that in mind, I didn't press too hard. I also was sure to put the water on me before initiating this bathroom blast.

It took a second for me to get the giggles under control. I accidentally squeezed out a few tiny toots because of that and I knew I had to just blurt it all out or else I'd ruin my mission. My effort was initially hit with disappointment because I tried bearing down and nothing was coming out. I thought I'd wasted my gas on laughing too drat hard and almost gave up but then a sudden rip caught me by surprise.

It sounded like a giant wet zipper had been plugged into an amplifier. "FRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIPT!" The whole house heard it and my dog started barking. And here I am, in the shower with my rear end against the wall, laughing myself to tears. Also, the fart kinda hurt.

Well, that's my GBS contribution today.

Edit: That little gap between vinyl and drywall made that poo poo looooooud.

opie posted:

We told my 8 year old to stop farting at the dinner table because the smell wasn’t so great, so now she’ll quickly get up and run to the living room corner in an obvious squat and the biggest grin you ever saw.

LadyPictureShow posted:

The fart autocorrecting to Gary made me think of this:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rd8hYnG2464
Basically, in Fallout 3, you find a vault full of clones of a guy named Gary, and in isolation, their language devolved into just saying ‘Gary’ multiple ways.

I thought of that, then one of them farting, and the chorus of confused and disgusted shouts of ‘Ah, Gary!’

E: I dropped an SBD in bed last night, my boyfriend caught a whiff and got up to check the cat’s litter box, thinking he’d dropped a particularly nasty deuce. I tried to play it cool, but I started cracking up once he came back.

LadyPictureShow posted:

Cross posting this gem from the r/relationships thread:

My (26f) husband (30m) of 2 years passed gas in a 50+ floor elevator. It smelled so bad and everytime a new person got on he pointed to me that I had done it. I'm so angry and embarrased, I don't know what to do.


We are at a convention for my business in NYC. We are staying in a nice hotel that is also hosting the convention. We went out for breakfast this morning and when we were coming back into the hotel we got in the elevator and he farted so loud that it shook the Windows. I said "so mature Ed, so mature." He grimaced and then stood in the other side of the elevator from me.

The elevator stopped maybe on the third floor and a guy got in and obviously smelled the odor. The guy looked at him and Ed sort of nodded in my direction as if to say "no man, not me...her." I turned beet red so the guy must have thought I'd really done it. I was so pissed, the guy had originally pressed one of the high floors but got off at the next floor where three people got on who also instantly smelled the odor. They were glancing around and my husband sort of did this discreet point to me thing. I wanted to crawl under a rock and got even more red so I think they all thought it was me. It was so uncomfortable to our floor and I felt like I was going to throw up from embarrassment.

When we got to of our floor I got out and was so mad I wanted to smack him and he was dying laughing. The thing that sucks is almost everyone in the hotel is here for the convention and I very well may see these people again. I'm terrified I'll be seen as the "smelly girl from the elevator." I need to go out to the convention floor but I can't find the strength to do it.

What do I do here? Since this is more of a vacation for him he's already out doing touristy stuff but I'm so mad at him I don't know what to do.

tl;dr: my husband passed gas in a elevator then blamed me for the smell. It was in the hotel of a convention I'm attending and I'll probably see the people again. I'm embarrassed and angry and don't know what to do.

Warrior Princess posted:

I’ve asked most nurses I know what the worst smell ever is and they all unanimously agree: Upper G.I. Bleed.

I have Crohn’s Disease. During one pretty bad event, I was in the E.R. after dropping a pint of putrid, rancid, blackened, half-digested blood out of my rear end in a top hat. That event alone peeled the paint off of the walls in my bathroom at home.

Laying in the E.R., receiving I.V. fluids, I let out a silent hiss. The first alarm was the sound of my own retching as I vommed all over the floor by my bed. This was followed by the first nurse opening the door to check on me, whose face turned immediately to one of horror before she also succumbed and threw up just outside the door. An older veteran nurse came rushing over who I distinctly remember saying “Oh dear loving Lord, not this poo poo again.” She was better able to endure, tending to both me and the other nurse.

I heard her blow chunks immediately after shutting my door.

EugeneJ posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wObPiiHV4pY

Chuds McGreedy posted:

Doctor doctor give me the news, I’ve got a bad case of farting poop.

McGavin posted:

Bonzo posted:

Mr Methane
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb2oyY-qV6g

Curly Shuffle posted:

Many years ago I went to DragonCon. I was sharing a hotel room with a bunch of dudes and one of them passed out drunk locked in the bathroom. I woke up and had to poo poo, so had to take the elevator down to use the restroom in the lobby. This was like 6 in the morning, so things were pretty quiet. I had the elevator all to myself so I was just ripping the rudest farts in there. Then the elevator stopped and George Takei walked in (presumably to due some morning jogging based on his tiny short shorts). We just rode down to the lobby in silence with Captain Sulu huffing my farts without saying a word.

That's my fart story.

Everslain posted:

Fart enthusiast Tom Segura caught his mom in the act recently. It ran on for about ten seconds!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ja6VXwml7gM&t=367s

"You're not my son anymore"

Motherfucker posted:

crosspost from r/relationships thread about a forbidden technique.