|
|
knife. fork. spoon. yawn. chopsticks: a good joke on western people who think asians actually eat that way, but it's been played out. spare me your bastard sporks or forkoons or the like. I demand entirely new modalities of consumption. bring them to me and I will be happy to explain how stupid they are, and/or steal them because you forgot to secure the ip rights. |
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 01:09
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 10, 2024 02:03 |
|
|
|
The last utensil you will ever need, throw away all your food hammers and food swords you need only:
|
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 01:35
|
|
|
|
Koishi Komeiji posted:The last utensil you will ever need, throw away all your food hammers and food swords you need only: brilliant. just brilliant. this is the future we're talking about, a brave new world, and you're still talking about slicing? bring bring, ron popiel calling, he wants to murder you however I will give you points for the hidden compartment. for a second I thought your graphic said "hiding wood" and I was really excited, hidden wood suggests an enchanted forest and I think having enchanted forest creatures feed you stuff has potential. |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 01:41
|
|
|
|
Manifisto posted:bring bring, ron popiel calling, he wants to murder you I accept Mr. Popiel's challenge. I could easily defeat the coward by duel wielding food wands with honor. 
|
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 01:49
|
|
|
Alright, I got an idea, but you will need to stick with me here. Alright. Ready?
|
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 02:26
|
|
|
|
Tiberius Thyben posted:Alright, I got an idea, but you will need to stick with me here. Knork?
|
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 02:33
|
|
|
|
Tiberius Thyben posted:Alright, I got an idea, but you will need to stick with me here. so let me get this straight bucko. you want people to grab a sharp pointy metal surface, very likely bloodying themselves in the process, mash their food with I guess a blunt wooden pestle or something, then try to, I dunno, scrape it from the plate into their mouths? because, although I hate to gush, that is very slightly less incredibly moronic than the average future person will undoubtedly be
|
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 02:37
|
|
Koishi Komeiji posted:The last utensil you will ever need, throw away all your food hammers and food swords you need only: ---------------- |
|
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 02:38
|
|
|
|
There is no future cutlery. At the rate we're going, it'll all be scoops, feed bags, and straws.
|
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 03:13
|
|
|
|
Robot Made of Meat posted:There is no future cutlery. At the rate we're going, it'll all be scoops, feed bags, and straws. *makes invisible motions of trying to cut steak with your comment* nope . . . sorry . . . the social commentary is not sharp enough |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 03:41
|
|
|
The Te.Asp.O.On. or Telekinetic Asparagus peeler, Oyster shucker and Onion dicer does some pretty remarkable things by allowing the future foodie to avoid having to shuck an oyster, cry while dicing onions, and for the hell of it, peel an asparagus from across the room, or even across the state!
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 03:54
|
|
|
|
Manifisto posted:so let me get this straight bucko. you want people to grab a sharp pointy metal surface, very likely bloodying themselves in the process, mash their food with I guess a blunt wooden pestle or something, then try to, I dunno, scrape it from the plate into their mouths? lol |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 03:58
|
|
|
https://youtu.be/TTygajaWaR0 |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 04:01
|
|
|
|
Splatmaster posted:The Te.Asp.O.On. or Telekinetic Asparagus peeler, Oyster shucker and Onion dicer does some pretty remarkable things by allowing the future foodie to avoid having to shuck an oyster, cry while dicing onions, and for the hell of it, peel an asparagus from across the room, or even across the state! foodies, while initially providing an abundant food source after our oceans run out of fish, will rapidly dwindle in population. maybe we can use their own stupid utensils to consume them however, maybe you can work that into your depressingly bourgeoisie concept
|
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 04:04
|
|
|
Manifisto posted:foodies, while initially providing an abundant food source after our oceans run out of fish, will rapidly dwindle in population. maybe we can use their own stupid utensils to consume them however, maybe you can work that into your depressingly bourgeoisie concept In the future people will be eating other people with Cryogenic Homogenized Oscillating Pinching (C.H.O.P.) sticks because we are all destined to be sushi rolls https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 04:12
|
|
|
|
knork huh? I bet the geniuses who thought that name up also thought mork from ork was funny and topical. morons. |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 04:23
|
|
|
The Cartoonishly Large Ultimate Basher will pretty much take care of all your future can opening needs
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 04:27
|
|
|
|
plastic cutlery that you can just throw away after you use it like a kcup |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 04:41
|
|
|
a knife but like when I point it at my steak a laser shoots out and cuts it into little squares for me. I still can't put it in the dishwasher though 
|
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 04:48
|
|
|
|
Starman Super DX posted:a knife but like when I point it at my steak a laser shoots out and cuts it into little squares for me. Oh, you CAN put in the diswasher . . .
|
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 04:48
|
|
|
|
poverty goat posted:plastic cutlery that you can just throw away after you use it like a kcup so your idea is: trash. let people eat their food with trash. I suppose we'll be serving it out of a dumpster? Starman Super DX posted:a knife but like when I point it at my steak a laser shoots out and cuts it into little squares for me. the inventors of the zune, an infamous flop, managed to display at least the faintest scintilla of originality by leveraging the squircle. you by contrast are still thinking in squares. do you also use a 56k dialup modem for internet access? or maybe an abacus? |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 05:04
|
|
|
Gloves, but they sweat eel sauce, so you can touch the foods the they'll cling to em. maybe salad gloves that sweat French dressing, dessert gloves that ooze caramel sauce, etc.
---------------- |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 05:30
|
|
|
|
mysterious frankie posted:Gloves, but they sweat eel sauce, so you can touch the foods the they'll cling to em. maybe salad gloves that sweat French dressing, dessert gloves that ooze caramel sauce, etc. "taste the ooze" - the ad copy writes itself |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 05:38
|
|
|
Manifisto posted:"taste the ooze" - the ad copy writes itself it's really going to sell well to 90s kids, like me, whose brains are steeped in novelty goos. ---------------- |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 05:43
|
|
|
hire the adult power glove kid for the ad picture, talking about how bad it is, but also viscous strands of flavor slime are dripping from his fist.
---------------- |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 05:46
|
|
|
|
best american foods are eaten by hand but a sauce forcefield could be helpful |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 08:22
|
|
|
|
a fork that squirts ketchup
|
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 11:13
|
|
|
|
peanut posted:best american foods are eaten by hand but a sauce forcefield could be helpful force field this, light saber that, star trek has stunted the minds of a generation. no offense. redm posted:a fork that squirts ketchup this sounds suspiciously like you just took steve jobs' invention "ketchup bottle that squirts forks" and switched around some of the words which is what jobs would have done, rip buddy
|
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 14:51
|
|
|
|
my lawyers are telling me that none of your ideas so far are patentable. let's pick up the pace people, I have a boat payment due soon. |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 14:53
|
|
|
|
In the future, you just eat with your hands, but not like some savage. They are cool cyborg hands and the tip of your finger will hinge off and whatever utensil you need just pops out for your convenience like inspector gadget.
|
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 15:38
|
|
|
I just patented "eating with your face" as a thing, so take ~THAT~ OP! HEY! Give that back! https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 15:46
|
|
|
Straw for maggot smoothie. |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 15:57
|
|
|
|
Twenty Four posted:In the future, you just eat with your hands, but not like some savage. They are cool cyborg hands and the tip of your finger will hinge off and whatever utensil you need just pops out for your convenience like inspector gadget. I have already spent $100 million of venture capital trying to build an app store for cyborg implants and I might as well have just lit the money on fire. actually if I'd lit it on fire I would at least have gotten a fleeting experience of warmth and comfort. Splatmaster posted:I just patented "eating with your face" as a thing, so take ~THAT~ OP! look at this yahoo who thinks they're executing a sick burn without supplying technical diagrams and maybe a fake perpetual worldwide exclusive license just to rub it in slowm posted:Straw for maggot smoothie. what is that, your band name? I imagine "maggot smoothie" describes your music pretty accurately. |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 16:38
|
|
|
Eating in zero gravity, just chomping the food out of the atmosphere in front of you. Like how astronauts drink their spheres of Tang |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 17:13
|
|
|
The Cutler, a small mechanical man who cuts your food into safe and healthy portions, then delivers the food to your mouth with a perfect spiral throw every time. Just sit at the table and open your mouth when you want another bite, no hands needed. |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 18:11
|
|
|
|
canyoneer posted:Eating in zero gravity, just chomping the food out of the atmosphere in front of you. Like how astronauts drink their spheres of Tang "cut out the middleman" is a sound and time-tested business concept but I'm having trouble seeing the deliverable. instructional videos? antigravity generators? new flavors of tang? also people don't like astronauts anymore, they cause feelings of inferiority. bring me something relatable, like whales filtering krill. LawfulWaffle posted:The Cutler, a small mechanical man who cuts your food into safe and healthy portions, then delivers the food to your mouth with a perfect spiral throw every time. Just sit at the table and open your mouth when you want another bite, no hands needed. you are thinking so small I don't know how your brain has managed to avoid slipping out of your ears when you swim. in the future "safe and healthy portions" will be taken care of by fat-eating nanomachines or calorie free synthfood, not some homonculus slave. although if the tiny slave looks like a beloved football personality we may have something to discuss. however that last thing is a separate concept I came up with totally independently of what you said. |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 18:37
|
|
|
|
my assistant is telling me that instead of berating people for the good and funny posts in this thread I should be emptyquoting you instead. guess I'm in the market for a new assistant. |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 18:48
|
|
|
|
It's bad for the environment to make all these different kitchen gadgets. Throw everything in your kitchen away, you need just one all purpose utensil:
|
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 18:55
|
|
|
Koishi Komeiji posted:It's bad for the environment to make all these different kitchen gadgets. Throw everything in your kitchen away, you need just one all purpose utensil: you could clap your hands together to spray condiments at threats, effectively blinding them. ---------------- |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 19:00
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 10, 2024 02:03 |
|
|
|
Koishi Komeiji posted:It's bad for the environment to make all these different kitchen gadgets. Throw everything in your kitchen away, you need just one all purpose utensil: perfect, the consumer can decide for themselves whether they are more like a creepy girl-stalking child murderer dream demon or a creepy frankenstein stalker of winona ryder. Manifisto fucked around with this message at 19:19 on Mar 1, 2018 |
|
#
?
Mar 1, 2018 19:17
|
|