Hello fellow time travelers, tell me about your experiences

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UWBW: Permanently banned from the Alamo

Hey folks, BYOB poster and Time Travel Expert UWBW here. Just wanted to touch base with some other time travellers and see what was up.

All time travelers eventually get the urge to go and save the world, right some wrongs, and maybe kill baby Hitler or something like that. We've all been there - there's no shame in admitting it. Hell, when I was younger I used to disassemble Prussian empires as a hobby. Remember the 14th Prussian Genocide against the Aztecs? Of course you don't, and you're welcome. I just wanted to talk to some fellow Time Travelers (TTs) and hear some stories about times that don't exist anymore.

Okay, so did you know that the Native Americans are actually descendants of modern day Americans? Ok, so, this is going to sound nuts, but one time I was in the 1960s on a reservation and I got high with some NAs and told them I could travel through time. Of course, they didn't believe me... so I showed them. Brought 'em straight back through time, all the way to the ice ages. Course, I didn't remember any of this the next morning, and left them all there by accident. Fast forward a couple thousand years and it looks like I accidentally created the original indigenous peoples of North America. Man, was the egg on my face that day.

Also, anybody else ever try to kill Hitler? I swear that guy has like a force field or something. Can't get through.

# ? Mar 5, 2018 15:10

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# ? May 3, 2024 12:06

take the moon: by sebmojo

i killed hitler but some other guy came through and reversed it. they should stop handing out these time machines to just anyone

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# ? Mar 5, 2018 18:33

Koishi Komeiji

Every time you kill Hitler another one takes his place. You guys probably don't remember this since it got wiped out of the plane of existence but there used to be a Keith Hitler who came to power and made it illegal to shred on a guitar and tried to wipe out all music except Ska. He got ultra wedgied into non existence, worst reich ever. Even worse than Sheldon Hitler aka "Disco Hitler".

# ? Mar 5, 2018 20:43

Manifisto

no matter how many ancestors I bang, nothing changes in the present

this is something of a relief, because it means I was destined to bang them, rather than having some weird fetish

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Mar 5, 2018 21:35

DrowningInDreams: Dilettante lizard

I'm more of a time manipulator than a time traveler tbh

�Torn between violence and disillusionment, I seem to myself a terrorist who, going out in the street to perpetrate some outrage, stops on the way to consult Ecclesiastes or Epictetus� - Emil Cioran

# ? Mar 5, 2018 22:29

Chasterson: by Nyc_Tattoo

I could swear I already posted in this thread

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# ? Mar 5, 2018 22:34

UWBW: Permanently banned from the Alamo

Chasterson posted:

I could swear I already posted in this thread

I sure hope not, because that would make me a fraud and a charlatan.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 04:21

FutonForensic

going back in time to beat myself at posting

# ? Mar 6, 2018 05:35

FutonForensic

edit: gently caress, beaten

# ? Mar 6, 2018 05:35

Chasterson: by Nyc_Tattoo

Chasterson posted:

I could swear I already posted in this thread

hey wait I never posted this, did somebody hack my account? what's going on?

^very funny time loop joke

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Mar 6, 2018 05:56

Miss Psychosis

If any time traveler could go back in time and make my posts good, I would be infinitely thankful.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 07:18

Twenty Four

I am traveling through time, at the rate of regular time. *whoosh*

# ? Mar 6, 2018 11:52

RazzleDazzleHour

Really getting annoyed at these rogue Time Travelers who are revealing themselves to people from this era. I just met a guy with a tinfoil hat telling me about how it protects him from the government reading his mind. First of all, who told him about the government mind-reading machine? We didn't even find out about that until fairly recently. Secondly, who the hell gave him tin foil? No normal person would ever assume that a standard cheaply-made kitchen appliance would be able to protect you from nuclear-radio-wave brain scan technology, but this guy's got his thoughts on lockdown!

# ? Mar 6, 2018 15:56

UWBW: Permanently banned from the Alamo

So tired of these posers. "I killed 15 different hitlers you never even heard of, herp derp."

Yeah buddy, who hasn't killed a few sociopaths? Like, literally everyone bumps into a few. You aren't special. Get off your high horse. Time travel is so convoluted that I could step on a butterfly and kill 200 hitlers. no one cares anymore.

Thanks to Manifisto for the sig, and Koishi for the last one. TVsVeryOwn made the CyberMike.

# ? Mar 6, 2018 18:48

Coolguye: Required by his programming!

im not just a time traveller im a time WARRIOR and id really appreciate it if you cats going back in time could at least remember to pick up your garbage and stuff before you leave

you have no goddamn idea how many times some roman or spartan or assyrian or chinese dude (it's always one of these 4 for some fuckin reason) finds a discarded pocket knife or hot plate and turns it into this weird mechano-cult that eventually shuns the light of day and retreats deep underground to unlock the mysteries of metal and gas

you can't go back and undo that poo poo because by the time it gets detected by the chronobang it's a major event anchored by the item one of you left behind, and it becomes as intractable in the time stream as hitler

that's when they send cats like me out to destroy orc-like humanoids that inevitably result from these bizarre mech worship things, so we can at least stop them from trying to wage a genocidal war on the surface, and let me tell you that is a real fuckin hard way to spend your weekend. on the upside i was able to consult on the shadow of mordor/war games but seriously these orcs are annoying to kill. please police your tools when you time travel, tia and tir (thanks in retrospect)

# ? Mar 7, 2018 00:07

ghost emoji: oooOooOOOooh

Blues Time Traveler

the time looooop brings you back
I ain't tellin you no lies

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# ? Mar 7, 2018 02:51

Twenty Four

just lmao at people in a time zone behind mine, while I live in the future

# ? Mar 7, 2018 13:52

UWBW: Permanently banned from the Alamo

Twenty Four posted:

just lmao at people in a time zone behind mine, while I live in the future

I hate that the government makes you sign a contract swearing that you won't warn people to the west of any future tragedies

# ? Mar 7, 2018 14:33

alnilam

UWBW posted:

I hate that the government makes you sign a contract swearing that you won't warn people to the west of any future tragedies

new years eve, 1999, i dial up my friend in australia
"hey happy new year! how's it going over there, is the world ending? lol"

her: *people screaming and loud crashes in back ground* no, it's *deep sigh* everything's fine, happy new year... gotta go though *mysterious howl in the bg as she hangs up*

# ? Mar 7, 2018 14:41

UWBW: Permanently banned from the Alamo

alnilam posted:

new years eve, 1999, i dial up my friend in australia
"hey happy new year! how's it going over there, is the world ending? lol"

her: *people screaming and loud crashes in back ground* no, it's *deep sigh* everything's fine, happy new year... gotta go though *mysterious howl in the bg as she hangs up*

So many people look back at y2k as some kind of joke, it pisses me off. Don't they know how many time travellers died/resurrected/died again/prevented/unprevented/died (in that order) to save this drat timeline?

# ? Mar 7, 2018 17:07

Peg Sliderskew

I'm so glad we have a space to discuss this sort of thing in an open yet anonymous way. None of you will remember the timeline from before I went back and got Lowtax's parents together with a convoluted plan that involved several now defunct Hitlers. But it wasn't pretty- we had to keep completely silent on the subject, even when at the time travelling convention centre giving a 'talk' on several funny things that happened to me whilst time travelling (I asked if I could write a speech down and hand it out but no one was prepared to pay for the printer ink OR to sort out a timeline where it's free for some reason (Bill Gates' parents involved somehow?))

Those conferences were poo poo.

Courtesy of Manifisto

# ? Mar 7, 2018 17:48

BoldFrankensteinMir

I am not a time traveler per-se, not beyond the 1:1 daily commute and so forth. But I do employ time travelers quite extensively. You see, I am the owner and operator of a chronostatic museum, where pockets of time dilution preserve historical artifacts that would otherwise atrophy before our eyes. Although we do have a few crumbling papyrus scrolls and the Falling Tower of Pisa (Mind the gap, 2027!) kept in time stasis, the vast majority of the exhibits pertain to an oft forgotten but vitally important record: food.

The original fruit from Cezanne's table, caught in mid-tumble. Wedding cakes from Queen Elizabeth the second's back to Cleopatra. The bowl of soup every Hitler is somehow cosmically bound to be about to eat right before he dies. Extinct megafauna cooked over neanderthal campfires (the aroma-roma in that exhibit is always popular). I pay time travelers to bring me artifacts from the great meals and pantries of history and every one who I have hired or ever will hire delivered every exhibit they'd ever sell me on day 1 of operation. Therefore my collection is so huge it's impossible to see it in a single day unless of course you time travel.

The only problem we've ever had at the museum is the drat Earl of Sandwich exhibit. I used a bounty system in those days (something we no longer do because of this very exhibit's history) to bring me the Earl of Sandwich's very first sandwich, for posterity. It seemed like an easy assignment, the Earl was famously playing poker when he came up the idea, so his attention was occupied. Certainly one of all those relic-hunting time adventurers could snatch it surreptitiously and bring the pioneering dish to me. As it turned out, thousands of them could. They all showed up with thousands of sandwiches, simultaneously, and nobody could ever figure out who was really owed the prize.

See, that was the day we figured out that you can't put a bounty on "the first X" because... well because of what happened to the poor Earl. There was some concern early on in the field of chronostatic archeology that plucking the initial prototypes of anything from the timeline might cause them not to be invented, creating paradoxes. But this was eventually smoothed out- prototypes are different than the ideas that spawn them, and inventors are persistent critters. Deadly persistent.

The Earl of Sandwich had such a simple idea that putting it together was ubiquitous. The second after his "true first" sandwich disappeared he scratched his head in bewilderment, shrugged, and made another one. Persistent. But the moment he did, it became the new "first" sandwich, and time travelers snatched it. The same with the next "first" sandwich and the next. Whenever the Earl of Sandwich got his hands on a piece of bread or a slice of cheese it would vanish, as a stream of relic-poachers used pica-second drive-bys to delete every new first sandwich. The final count was 2855 "first' sandwiches, which we now house in the Sandwich Memorial devoted to the great inventor's life story of nobility, infamy, and his mysterious death from emaciation screaming for help from insane asylum cell.

Free on Tuesdays!

Sig by Heather Papps

# ? Mar 8, 2018 06:27

Miss Psychosis

BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

I am not a time traveler per-se, not beyond the 1:1 daily commute and so forth. But I do employ time travelers quite extensively. You see, I am the owner and operator of a chronostatic museum, where pockets of time dilution preserve historical artifacts that would otherwise atrophy before our eyes. Although we do have a few crumbling papyrus scrolls and the Falling Tower of Pisa (Mind the gap, 2027!) kept in time stasis, the vast majority of the exhibits pertain to an oft forgotten but vitally important record: food.

The original fruit from Cezanne's table, caught in mid-tumble. Wedding cakes from Queen Elizabeth the second's back to Cleopatra. The bowl of soup every Hitler is somehow cosmically bound to be about to eat right before he dies. Extinct megafauna cooked over neanderthal campfires (the aroma-roma in that exhibit is always popular). I pay time travelers to bring me artifacts from the great meals and pantries of history and every one who I have hired or ever will hire delivered every exhibit they'd ever sell me on day 1 of operation. Therefore my collection is so huge it's impossible to see it in a single day unless of course you time travel.

The only problem we've ever had at the museum is the drat Earl of Sandwich exhibit. I used a bounty system in those days (something we no longer do because of this very exhibit's history) to bring me the Earl of Sandwich's very first sandwich, for posterity. It seemed like an easy assignment, the Earl was famously playing poker when he came up the idea, so his attention was occupied. Certainly one of all those relic-hunting time adventurers could snatch it surreptitiously and bring the pioneering dish to me. As it turned out, thousands of them could. They all showed up with thousands of sandwiches, simultaneously, and nobody could ever figure out who was really owed the prize.

See, that was the day we figured out that you can't put a bounty on "the first X" because... well because of what happened to the poor Earl. There was some concern early on in the field of chronostatic archeology that plucking the initial prototypes of anything from the timeline might cause them not to be invented, creating paradoxes. But this was eventually smoothed out- prototypes are different than the ideas that spawn them, and inventors are persistent critters. Deadly persistent.

The Earl of Sandwich had such a simple idea that putting it together was ubiquitous. The second after his "true first" sandwich disappeared he scratched his head in bewilderment, shrugged, and made another one. Persistent. But the moment he did, it became the new "first" sandwich, and time travelers snatched it. The same with the next "first" sandwich and the next. Whenever the Earl of Sandwich got his hands on a piece of bread or a slice of cheese it would vanish, as a stream of relic-poachers used pica-second drive-bys to delete every new first sandwich. The final count was 2855 "first' sandwiches, which we now house in the Sandwich Memorial devoted to the great inventor's life story of nobility, infamy, and his mysterious death from emaciation screaming for help from insane asylum cell.

Free on Tuesdays!

I didn't read this but I respect the effort.

# ? Mar 8, 2018 06:31

Peg Sliderskew

Miss Psychosis posted:

I didn't read this but I respect the effort.

Definitely worth a look.

Courtesy of Manifisto

# ? Mar 8, 2018 09:51

Sing Along: by Athanatos

hahahaha catch me later friends

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# ? Mar 8, 2018 11:07

alnilam

BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

I am not a time traveler per-se, not beyond the 1:1 daily commute and so forth. But I do employ time travelers quite extensively. You see, I am the owner and operator of a chronostatic museum, where pockets of time dilution preserve historical artifacts that would otherwise atrophy before our eyes. Although we do have a few crumbling papyrus scrolls and the Falling Tower of Pisa (Mind the gap, 2027!) kept in time stasis, the vast majority of the exhibits pertain to an oft forgotten but vitally important record: food.

The original fruit from Cezanne's table, caught in mid-tumble. Wedding cakes from Queen Elizabeth the second's back to Cleopatra. The bowl of soup every Hitler is somehow cosmically bound to be about to eat right before he dies. Extinct megafauna cooked over neanderthal campfires (the aroma-roma in that exhibit is always popular). I pay time travelers to bring me artifacts from the great meals and pantries of history and every one who I have hired or ever will hire delivered every exhibit they'd ever sell me on day 1 of operation. Therefore my collection is so huge it's impossible to see it in a single day unless of course you time travel.

The only problem we've ever had at the museum is the drat Earl of Sandwich exhibit. I used a bounty system in those days (something we no longer do because of this very exhibit's history) to bring me the Earl of Sandwich's very first sandwich, for posterity. It seemed like an easy assignment, the Earl was famously playing poker when he came up the idea, so his attention was occupied. Certainly one of all those relic-hunting time adventurers could snatch it surreptitiously and bring the pioneering dish to me. As it turned out, thousands of them could. They all showed up with thousands of sandwiches, simultaneously, and nobody could ever figure out who was really owed the prize.

See, that was the day we figured out that you can't put a bounty on "the first X" because... well because of what happened to the poor Earl. There was some concern early on in the field of chronostatic archeology that plucking the initial prototypes of anything from the timeline might cause them not to be invented, creating paradoxes. But this was eventually smoothed out- prototypes are different than the ideas that spawn them, and inventors are persistent critters. Deadly persistent.

The Earl of Sandwich had such a simple idea that putting it together was ubiquitous. The second after his "true first" sandwich disappeared he scratched his head in bewilderment, shrugged, and made another one. Persistent. But the moment he did, it became the new "first" sandwich, and time travelers snatched it. The same with the next "first" sandwich and the next. Whenever the Earl of Sandwich got his hands on a piece of bread or a slice of cheese it would vanish, as a stream of relic-poachers used pica-second drive-bys to delete every new first sandwich. The final count was 2855 "first' sandwiches, which we now house in the Sandwich Memorial devoted to the great inventor's life story of nobility, infamy, and his mysterious death from emaciation screaming for help from insane asylum cell.

Free on Tuesdays!

# ? Mar 8, 2018 13:12

UWBW: Permanently banned from the Alamo

BoldFrankensteinMir posted:

I am not a time traveler per-se, not beyond the 1:1 daily commute and so forth. But I do employ time travelers quite extensively. You see, I am the owner and operator of a chronostatic museum, where pockets of time dilution preserve historical artifacts that would otherwise atrophy before our eyes. Although we do have a few crumbling papyrus scrolls and the Falling Tower of Pisa (Mind the gap, 2027!) kept in time stasis, the vast majority of the exhibits pertain to an oft forgotten but vitally important record: food.

The original fruit from Cezanne's table, caught in mid-tumble. Wedding cakes from Queen Elizabeth the second's back to Cleopatra. The bowl of soup every Hitler is somehow cosmically bound to be about to eat right before he dies. Extinct megafauna cooked over neanderthal campfires (the aroma-roma in that exhibit is always popular). I pay time travelers to bring me artifacts from the great meals and pantries of history and every one who I have hired or ever will hire delivered every exhibit they'd ever sell me on day 1 of operation. Therefore my collection is so huge it's impossible to see it in a single day unless of course you time travel.

The only problem we've ever had at the museum is the drat Earl of Sandwich exhibit. I used a bounty system in those days (something we no longer do because of this very exhibit's history) to bring me the Earl of Sandwich's very first sandwich, for posterity. It seemed like an easy assignment, the Earl was famously playing poker when he came up the idea, so his attention was occupied. Certainly one of all those relic-hunting time adventurers could snatch it surreptitiously and bring the pioneering dish to me. As it turned out, thousands of them could. They all showed up with thousands of sandwiches, simultaneously, and nobody could ever figure out who was really owed the prize.

See, that was the day we figured out that you can't put a bounty on "the first X" because... well because of what happened to the poor Earl. There was some concern early on in the field of chronostatic archeology that plucking the initial prototypes of anything from the timeline might cause them not to be invented, creating paradoxes. But this was eventually smoothed out- prototypes are different than the ideas that spawn them, and inventors are persistent critters. Deadly persistent.

The Earl of Sandwich had such a simple idea that putting it together was ubiquitous. The second after his "true first" sandwich disappeared he scratched his head in bewilderment, shrugged, and made another one. Persistent. But the moment he did, it became the new "first" sandwich, and time travelers snatched it. The same with the next "first" sandwich and the next. Whenever the Earl of Sandwich got his hands on a piece of bread or a slice of cheese it would vanish, as a stream of relic-poachers used pica-second drive-bys to delete every new first sandwich. The final count was 2855 "first' sandwiches, which we now house in the Sandwich Memorial devoted to the great inventor's life story of nobility, infamy, and his mysterious death from emaciation screaming for help from insane asylum cell.

Free on Tuesdays!

Incredible.

# ? Mar 8, 2018 16:57

Caganer

technically we're all time travelers, just travelling forward

everyone of you is special time travelers byob

# ? Mar 8, 2018 22:49

not ready

I took Xanax today so that I can travel through time at an accelerated pace. before I know it work will be over and it�ll be time to go home.

# ? Mar 8, 2018 23:08

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Somebody go back in time or forward or sideways or whatever and get me a sammich please

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Mar 8, 2018 23:24

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

I went back in time to when dirt was new and it was b o r i n g

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? Mar 8, 2018 23:25

ThatBasqueGuy: someone introduce jojo to lazyb

If you think about it, Hitler has probably killed a couple time travelers and taken their place. Knowing what he would know with his sexual charisma, it's plausable that there are at least two secret hitlers in this very thread, lurking.

# ? Mar 8, 2018 23:32

Koishi Komeiji

ThatBasqueGuy posted:

If you think about it, Hitler has probably killed a couple time travelers and taken their place. Knowing what he would know with his sexual charisma, it's plausable that there are at least two secret hitlers in this very thread, lurking.

heh heh yeah, it's probably one of the lurkers. There's no way a Hitler could be hiding amongst the byob regulars heh heh :sweatdrop:

# ? Mar 8, 2018 23:54

Caganer

ThatBasqueGuy posted:

If you think about it, Hitler has probably killed a couple time travelers and taken their place. Knowing what he would know with his sexual charisma, it's plausable that there are at least two secret hitlers in this very thread, lurking.

dont dox me

# ? Mar 8, 2018 23:54

Gatekeeper: He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

every time i go back and kill a tyrant as a baby, some panicked sitter discovers the tiny corpse or empty crib in the morning, and they sneak off into town and snatch a lookalike baby from a distracted au pair at the playground, or an unsuspecting homeless mother at the food bank, etc. and that baby grows up to be the actual mass murderer despot! the baby born as Josef Stalin would have prob been a good dude! why do i keep killing the wrong babies??!

# ? Mar 9, 2018 13:01

UWBW: Permanently banned from the Alamo

Gatekeeper posted:

every time i go back and kill a tyrant as a baby, some panicked sitter discovers the tiny corpse or empty crib in the morning, and they sneak off into town and snatch a lookalike baby from a distracted au pair at the playground, or an unsuspecting homeless mother at the food bank, etc. and that baby grows up to be the actual mass murderer despot! the baby born as Josef Stalin would have prob been a good dude! why do i keep killing the wrong babies??!

Just keep at it. It has to work eventually, right?

# ? Mar 9, 2018 13:32

alnilam

UWBW posted:

Just keep at it. It has to work eventually, right?

keep killing hitlers until you've killed about 6 million of them and then you have a moment of realization like "...my god"

# ? Mar 9, 2018 13:41

UWBW: Permanently banned from the Alamo

Life, uh, finds a way.

# ? Mar 9, 2018 13:43

Twenty Four

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZknFhQftrug&t=26s

# ? Mar 9, 2018 13:44

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# ? May 3, 2024 12:06

Abugadu: 1st Sgt. Matthews and the men have Procured for me a cummerbund from a traveling gypsy, who screeched Victory shall come at a Terrible price. i am Honored.

Also the boat has a tiny leak in it. I guess the nostalgia part is mildly comforting. SA exists again, Lowtax hasn't died yet. gently caress, maybe in a few jumps I'll check out Fark or Ebaumsworld. Use Netscape. Check out that Geocities page I made.

I wish the stays would be longer. There's not enough time (hah) to appreciate the little poo poo. I haven't even thought about my implant for a long while. At some point I'll be at a restaurant and no one will be on their phone. It's already weird going through security checkpoints without the full probe, what's it going to be like when I get back into the 20th century? I wonder how this looks to any beings outside the time axis - just one grain humping its way upstream against the current like a retarded time salmon.

Maybe I'd died. Maybe death is just revisiting points throughout your life, like the end credits of a show that bring back memories of random poo poo that happened. Can't change anything about the show, just look, remember that time Tony Danza took a snowball to the face? That was magic. The last thing I'll see is me as a jive-talking baby surprising my parents, then a fade to black with a Congraturation message and a final score of 4,296. "Want to play again? Y/N" I'd probably have to think about that one. I guess it'd depend on what the other options are. Do I get a New Game + where I remember everything, but start off in a tougher location, like a kid with birth defects in Myanmar? "He just came out of the womb with an intimate knowledge of the Cover-2 zone defense, I don't get it". Probably should have learned something useful.

I'm going to drift a bit and enjoy the show. We'll see what happens when I hit the end. I'll send this out somehow, on the off-chance it does anything. I'm in early 2018 now, with a lovely HP laptop nearby that I got from my friend - it's full of pictures of penguins and icebergs from when she went to Antarctica. I just remembered it's really going to suck when I get far enough back that I no longer have a credit card. Well, maybe I'll try to learn something easy that could transfer over in the next life, like knot-tying or juggling. Hah, I just realized I didn't even explain what happens on 6/16 that fucks everything up. I must have skipped that coming back, didn't even realize it, didn't even notice the lack of armed guards on every corner, the posters, the blaring speakers, the propaganda machines. Funny how it's tough to notice a negative, even a hole as large as that. But anyway, I was at a Cleveland Indians game, and some sirens started going off, kind of like air-raid ones but worse - and all of a sudden, the sky just goe

# ? Mar 15, 2018 02:19

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Hello fellow time travelers, tell me about your experiences

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