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Splatmaster posted:sorry, 1. should really have been "be hungry for ham" because to be honest if you're a Muslim, or Jewish, or vegetarian, or if the movie "Babe" is the bedrock of your belief system or if you're not hungry then maybe the Eat a Ham Challenge isn't right for you. tfw you want to steal the ham but you don't eat ham but you still wanna steal the ham |
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Mar 16, 2018 20:34
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| # ? May 9, 2024 07:41 |
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i'm writing a heist novel about stealing hams called The Ham Job, but everyone keeps laughing at the title and won't tell me why. |
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Mar 16, 2018 20:42
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steal the ham from like a tire warehouse store or a jewelry shop or something. they won't suspect because they don't even carry hams. |
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Mar 16, 2018 20:42
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BrownianMotion posted:Just imagine it, a ham so big, it's bigger than your head! Coated in honey, and then baked. And best of all, it's free. Can you dream my dream, can you see it? Asking for a friend. I'm imagining it. I'm imagining more than it. I'm imagining a honey ham so big that you steal away inside of it. ---------------- |
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Mar 16, 2018 21:20
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Jolo posted:Chamce Encounters 
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Mar 16, 2018 21:29
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Robot Made of Meat posted:I'm thinking this is true for most of these methods. It was partially a Link's Awakening joke 
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Mar 16, 2018 22:39
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treasure bear posted:just the one ham? i would take *imagines biggest number of hams i can imagine* ..5 ham |
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Mar 16, 2018 22:40
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Manifisto posted:steal the ham from like a tire warehouse store or a jewelry shop or something. they won't suspect because they don't even carry hams.
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Mar 16, 2018 23:11
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cda posted:very carefully. |
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Mar 16, 2018 23:25
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stealing hams is all about sleight of hand, first you *waves hands back and forth quickly*, then you *pulls out the ham i just stole from you* |
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Mar 16, 2018 23:28
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little known fact: the ocean's trilogy is actually about stealing hams... all the heists are just a misdirect |
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Mar 16, 2018 23:30
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i flunked out posted:stealing hams is all about sleight of hand, first you *waves hands back and forth quickly*, then you *pulls out the ham i just stole from you* |
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Mar 17, 2018 00:54
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*runs into thread out of breath* s-sleight....*gasp* sleight of ham *collapses* |
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Mar 17, 2018 00:59
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Starman Super DX posted:*runs into thread out of breath* |
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Mar 17, 2018 01:00
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canyoneer posted:i'm writing a heist novel about stealing hams called The Ham Job, but everyone keeps laughing at the title and won't tell me why.
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Mar 17, 2018 01:03
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i flunked out posted:stealing hams is all about sleight of hand, first you *waves hands back and forth quickly*, then you *pulls out the ham i just stole from you*
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Mar 17, 2018 01:08
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Well Skinner, you're an odd fellow, but I must say, you steal a good ham |
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Mar 17, 2018 01:19
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It's been called shoplifting since way back when If you get caught they never want to see you again I just want you to know, if it's canned meat you need You just steal a ham, open the can and feed! You just... steal a ham! Don't lose the key, Steal a ham! Steal one with me! We could have some fun, and steal a ham! I looked at that ham nearly every day I wanted it so bad but didn't want to pay Then a sale came, buy one get one free (get one free) If I steal a ham then the store bought one for me! I'll just- steal a ham! Cut the price in half Steal a ham, 'cause it makes me laugh! I'm just having fun, and I'll steal a ham! https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Mar 17, 2018 01:41
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op implying i would steal ham. that would make me some kind of ham..,burglar once you're a hamburglar you're wearing a costume and the people that try to stop you will wear costumes and it'll be a negative feedback loop until supermarkets are deathly battlezones with customers dodging energy blasts all over the place ---------------- |
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Mar 17, 2018 03:30
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I'm an officer of the law and I must commandeer this ham |
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Mar 17, 2018 16:31
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Tom Hanks runs into a store breathless: this ham has been kiting checks all across the country. Store owner: but its about to marry my daughter and is a partner in my law firm |
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Mar 17, 2018 16:38
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Just eat it in the store, they are already cooked. Bring a folding table and chairs, your family, a nice wine that has a touch of sweetness to pair with the honey in the ham. Like a riesling, grenache, rosé, etc. |
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Mar 17, 2018 16:43
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Manifisto posted:steal the ham from like a tire warehouse store or a jewelry shop or something. they won't suspect because they don't even carry hams. You could maybe do this around Thanksgiving or Christmas time in the US, when many businesses do token handouts to employees with various foodstuffs, but that would make you an rear end in a top hat Grinch (A BAD THING) as opposed to a plain old shoplifter. ---------------- |
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Mar 18, 2018 03:34
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Before you head to the store, get a stiff piece of wire (for example, a coat-hanger), and bend it so that one end loops over your wrist, and the other has a big opening that could easily accomodate a baked ham in a a store. Once you're in the store, in the ham department, whip out your ham-holder, and put one of the nicest hams into the ham-loop. Now, you can casually exit the store, holding your ham aloft as though it were a free balloon that was being given out by the in-store bank branch. (Did I mention that the store should have an in-store bank branch that is having a big promotion that involves free balloons? Because it should).
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Mar 18, 2018 03:47
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spectres of autism posted:op implying i would steal ham. that would make me some kind of ham..,burglar stranger at party: "so, what sort of work do you do?" me: "i'm a hamburglar" stranger: "haha, like at mcdonalds! stealing hamburgers, ha ha ha!" me: *exasperated sigh, looks at camera* 
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Mar 18, 2018 03:49
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I could easily just grab it and run out at 2 am or whatevr
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Mar 18, 2018 14:47
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You could go the safety in numbers herd animal approach and have dozens of your friends go with you and everyone grabs a ham. Sure they might be able to catch one of you, but, everyone else gets out with a free ham!
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Mar 18, 2018 15:40
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Work hard for years in the ham industry until you land a position of sufficient responsibility such that you can embezzle hams to your heart's content |
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Mar 18, 2018 17:33
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-=(BREAKING NEWS)=-Lowtax posted:very https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Mar 18, 2018 18:05
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Twenty Four posted:You could go the safety in numbers herd animal approach and have dozens of your friends go with you and everyone grabs a ham. As narrated by David Attenborough: "Much like a flock of birds or herd of water buffalo, Ham Stealers prefer safety in numbers, and stick together for safety. During ham season, a single Ham Stealer would not succeed on their own, but as a group, they have their best chances of survival. Gathering at a supermarket around the deli, each one eyes up a ham, selecting their prospective bounty based on both weight and price. Once they have made their selection, they know based on countless years of instinct, that it is time to migrate." "As the first Ham Stealer makes their way towards the exit, the others follow, picking up pace as they go and forming a stampede. The Cashiers notice, and the noble Alpha Manager swings in to lead the hunt. As the herd comes to a corner on aisle six, one unfortunate dad Ham Stealer loses his way and veers off to the pharmacy, forgetting what his wife sent him to the store for. Unfortunately, his journey ends here." "Upon nearing the exit, most of the Ham Stealers make their way to the parking lot and safety. However one small ham hungry child is not so lucky, barely able to carry her ham on her own, she stumbles. As the Alpha Manager swoops down and catches her, she makes an unfortunate sacrifice for the good of the herd." "Thus is the way of these noble beasts, ham season after ham season. Once again, the circle of ham continues."
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Mar 18, 2018 18:06
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The trick is to do it little by little so they don't notice. Like Johnny Cash in his autobiographical poem 'Once Piece At A Time' I will get a job at the ham factory, each day taking a single small part of a whole ham out in my lunch box and painstakingly reassembling it in my garage |
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Mar 18, 2018 18:07
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I bet if you went in with a hollow metal cane you could stab at a opened up canned ham so that you end up with a canned ham tube inside your cane that you could walk out with with it all and force out the ham like a meat push pop
https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Mar 18, 2018 18:19
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Splatmaster posted:I bet if you went in with a hollow metal cane you could stab at a opened up canned ham so that you end up with a canned ham tube inside your cane that you could walk out with with it all and force out the ham like a meat push pop if you added some kind of gentle suction you could be some kind of cybernetic canned ham vampire, which is a thing I desperately want to be now |
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Mar 18, 2018 18:29
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Beet Wagon posted:if you added some kind of gentle suction you could be some kind of cybernetic canned ham vampire, which is a thing I desperately want to be now oh man oh man oh man ROBOT MADE OF MEAT WE NEED A TRIP REPORT STAT (please) https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Mar 18, 2018 19:23
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Guys what if we stole an unbaked ham and then just baked it ourselves later Or steal a baker and supply him with ham to bake for us |
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Mar 18, 2018 21:27
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sobbing quietly as I examine the box of cough drops I just shoplifted, I whisper "I hereby declare you . . . a baked ham" |
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Mar 18, 2018 21:44
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"what's that? ... no, I came in with this."
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Mar 18, 2018 21:55
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Beet Wagon posted:The trick is to do it little by little so they don't notice. Like Johnny Cash in his autobiographical poem 'Once Piece At A Time' I will get a job at the ham factory, each day taking a single small part of a whole ham out in my lunch box and painstakingly reassembling it in my garage thaTS how the first hot dog was made ---------------- |
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Mar 18, 2018 22:34
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Beet Wagon posted:if you added some kind of gentle suction you could be some kind of cybernetic canned ham vampire, which is a thing I desperately want to be now *bursts into thread out of breath* h- hhh- hamkenstein. Dammit, I messed it up. edit: Count Hamcula edit2: vhampire, hampire? hampire sounds like a ham empire, when we started we just had 1 pig and look at us now son, a veritable hampire Jolo fucked around with this message at 17:13 on Mar 19, 2018
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Mar 19, 2018 17:10
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| # ? May 9, 2024 07:41 |
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bumpty bump let's goldmine this before it falls off the front page again
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Mar 28, 2018 22:10
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