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with brash confidence I’d head straight for the butcher. asking for 68lbs of rump. 22 lbs of belly. a pair of rib racks. 7lbs of headcheeae. four pickled pigs feet. an assortment of sauasage, brawts and pork rinds that tip the scale north of 136lbs. with my cart full, move on to automotive. here is where my craft really comes in. working from the rump forward, I’d duck tap and jb weld id craft Babe the pig. you might be asking, “how’d you sneak in enough make up to make the lump of meat appear on the brink of animation?” id really like to answer at length, but this is where my edge comes in and I don’t really like giving away trade secrets. let’s just say I bring in some outside supplies via secret shoe compartments. now with my totally bitche babe facsimile, I open up my instore photo booth. I’d offer 3 for 2 deals, over unders, the works. the word of mouth would whip this community into a frenzy, pushing lines around the block. part way through this pop up party, I’d humbly suggest to the store manager that we need to feed this crowd, build up good will and help generate more profits! blown away by this marketing masterpiece, the manager would be quick to appease me. now here comes the siou falls hustle. I’d quickly suggest ham and cheese sandwhichs. particularly freshly cut while baked ham. in the chaos of the situation, I’d make my move. cutting and dicing so fast, not even a Las Vegas pit boss could keep track of the hams I’m going through. coyly, I’d palm a ham. [it may sound improbable, but I took a seminary from David Blaine back in aught 6] using the fresh tray of ham and cheese sandwiches to distract the crowd as I insert the palmed ham into the Babe statue*. after the long day of pic taking and sandwhich eating, I’d do the right thing (being a Star Scout and all) and help them clean up. after taking care of the perimeter and cleaning off some of the windows, I’d ask for a hand tossing out the Babe statue. with tr help of Bruce and Joel from produce we’d heave that sucker up and into the dumpster. later that night, I’d go back and retrieve my ham. *now, the careful reader will remember that the original construction of the Babe statue did not include ham. |
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Apr 1, 2018 07:30
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| # ¿ May 20, 2024 05:22 |
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