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Guy Goodbody
Aug 31, 2016

by Nyc_Tattoo
OK, so you might've heard that a lot of children are being murdered all the time in America. Schools now have to come up with ways to prepare kids for the eventuality that a guy with a gun will come into their classroom and try to murder them. Some people, myself included, think that's incredibly hosed up and we need to stop it. Other people really love owning guns, they love owning guns and aren't particularly bothered by the fact that an entire generation of children is growing up fearing that any day they could just be murdered in school.

So far it's seemed like an intractable solution. On the one hand, most of the gun control measures that have been suggested are really stupid. A ban on folding stocks, not letting people on the terrorist watch list buy guns, whatever the hell people mean by "expanded background checks" I don't think it means anything, I think it's just a good sounding thing people say. Those idea range from ineffective to terrible and ineffective. But on the other had, the gun enthusiasts just love owning guns so goddamn much, that of course they'll never suggest anything that could possibly get between them and their beautiful guns.

So this is where I come in. I have formulated a quite simple solution that will please everyone. A way to end mass shootings(or at the very least drastically reduce the number of fatalities) that let's the gun owners continue owning guns, which is just as important to them as not dying is to children.

Here's my solution: A total ban on owning, buying, selling, manufacturing, and importing semi-automatic guns.

That's solves it. Gun owners can still buy all the guns they want, they can fill their houses with revolvers, that kind of rifle where you have to pull the thing back after each shot, shotguns, and black powder cannons. It also completely does away with the dumb and ineffective bans on purely aesthetic features, like folding stocks, pistol grips, My Little Pony stickers, etc. that gun owners love to dress up their guns with.

But, and this is just as important as maintaining gun owner's rights to own lots of guns, it will drastically curtail the number of children murdered. No longer will some guy be able to walk into a school and spray bullets everywhere. Regular guns shoot way slower than semi-automatic guns, so mass shooters will be way less effective. Some dude who has to crack open his shotgun and put in another round after each shot will be way less deadly than the current mass shooters we have now.

Another benefit of my plan is that it'll cut down on non-mass shootings. Which is to say, the regular day-to-day shootings that don't even get reported on the news because as a society we just accept that multiple people will be murdered with guns every day. The most common weapon used in a murder is a semi-automatic pistol. Sorry, murderers, those won't be allowed.

I'm imaging that my excellent compromise ban will be phased in over time. First thing, importing, selling, buying or manufacturing semi-automatic guns is made illegal. You can still own them, but you can't do any of those gerunds I just listed to em. Then there will be a buy-back program. For a year or so, gun owners can turn their semi-automatic guns to the government to be destroyed. In return for which they will receive fair market value for the gun. During this time museums and what not will also be able to apply for waivers for guns of historical value. I'm not sure exactly how that would be handled but there's guns in museums in countries that don't allow guns, so clearly there's a way to do it.

After the buy-back program has ended, that's it, possessing a semi-automatic gun is also illegal. But here's the important part, there won't be any cops going house to house kicking down doors. If you take your gun out in public, or the cops find your gun because they're searching your house for some other reason, then the gun will be confiscated and destroyed. The owner will receive no compensation, and will also, I dunno, have to spend a day watching those cell phone videos kids have made during school shootings.

So there you have it. My plan solves everyone's problems and there are no legitimate criticisms to be made against it. Call your Congressperson now and demand they enact Guy Goodbody's excellent gun control solution today!

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Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
i just read a news story about a pistol that was bought in a buy back program and then a few years later the cops murdered someone and dropped the pistol by the corpse and said "see? he had a gun!"

EvilMerlin
Apr 10, 2018

Meh.

Give it a try...
You do know revolvers are technically semi-automatic right (well double-actions)?


You do know that more people are killed with revolvers than any other weapon right?

Blue Raider
Sep 2, 2006

i just bought a new kalasnikov online because of this thread

EugeneJ
Feb 5, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Can't wait to lease a gun

Big Bowie Bonanza
Dec 30, 2007

please tell me where i can date this cute boy
lets all just put our guns against our own heads and pull the trigger gun problem solved

Guy Goodbody
Aug 31, 2016

by Nyc_Tattoo

EvilMerlin posted:

You do know revolvers are technically semi-automatic right (well double-actions)?

I guess I wasn't clear, my plan is to ban all semi-automatic guns. That includes double action revolvers, because they're semi-automatic. It doesn't include the cool old kind where you gotta put your palm over it to cock back the hammer after each shot like in the westerns.

jimmyjams
Jan 10, 2001


King Kong of Megadongs
Gobblin' them mega schlongs
Makin' sure they mega long
Stroke' 'em if they mega strong
dont ban guns. ban gun owners

sure okay
Apr 7, 2006





If I had literally one genie wish it would be to render all gunpowder in the world inert and that we can never make any more

Neutrino
Mar 8, 2006

Fallen Rib
I think we should have a law preventing people from pulling the trigger more than two times a minute.

Guy Goodbody
Aug 31, 2016

by Nyc_Tattoo

Big Bowie Bonanza posted:

lets all just put our guns against our own heads and pull the trigger gun problem solved

jimmyjams posted:

dont ban guns. ban gun owners

sure okay posted:

If I had literally one genie wish it would be to render all gunpowder in the world inert and that we can never make any more

I'm not opposed to any of these, but I think my mild compromise plan is better because it allows gun owners to continue being alive and doesn't require magic

high six
Feb 6, 2010
If we get rid of schools then there can be no more school shootings.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

sure okay posted:

If I had literally one genie wish it would be to render all gunpowder in the world inert and that we can never make any more

quote:

The Office of Naval Research (ONR) demonstrates the Navy's electromagnetic railgun initial rep-rate fires of multi-shot salvos at the Naval Surface Warfare Center Dahlgren Division. The revolutionary railgun relies on a massive electrical pulse, rather than gunpowder or other chemical propellants, to launch projectiles at distances over 100 nautical miles – and at speeds that exceed Mach 6.

Big Bowie Bonanza
Dec 30, 2007

please tell me where i can date this cute boy

genies get 3 wishes and the 2nd wish would be no more electricity bitch

Halser
Aug 24, 2016
yeah I mean if something is illegal that means nobody is ever going to attempt to do it that's how laws work

eSports Chaebol
Feb 22, 2005

Yeah, actually, gamers in the house forever,

yeah the navy is stoked

MightyJoe36
Dec 29, 2013

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:

Guy Goodbody posted:


Here's my solution: A total ban on owning, buying, selling, manufacturing, and importing semi-automatic guns.


Why not? It worked really, really well with getting rid of the drug problem.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
psychos should start doing their mass shootings at gun shows instead of schools

in the aftermath all the idiots would scratch their heads and go "wait... guns... maybe... bad?"

gary oldmans diary fucked around with this message at 19:05 on May 18, 2018

LGD
Sep 25, 2004

Big Bowie Bonanza posted:

genies get 3 wishes and the 2nd wish would be no more electricity bitch

The first repeating rifle in military service was an air gun with a 20-shot magazine

it was introduced into military service in 1780

Guy Goodbody
Aug 31, 2016

by Nyc_Tattoo

Halser posted:

yeah I mean if something is illegal that means nobody is ever going to attempt to do it that's how laws work

Ahh but what you are forgetting is that the USA is the largest exporter of small-arms in the world. Once it is no longer legal to manufacture semi-automatic guns in the US, that will drastically reduce the number of semi-automatic guns on the black market world wide. It will be far, far more expensive and difficult to get one, in the US especially. Of course it'll take awhile for the supply to dry up, but everything takes time. My plan isn't a magic bullet that will immediately end the problem, like the non-magic bullets which immediately ended the lives of several children this morning. But it's still a good idea.

Big Bowie Bonanza
Dec 30, 2007

please tell me where i can date this cute boy

LGD posted:

The first repeating rifle in military service was an air gun with a 20-shot magazine

it was introduced into military service in 1780

3rd wish no more air

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

Guy Goodbody posted:

Ahh but what you are forgetting is that the USA is the largest exporter of small-arms in the world. Once it is no longer legal to manufacture semi-automatic guns in the US, that will drastically reduce the number of semi-automatic guns on the black market world wide. It will be far, far more expensive and difficult to get one, in the US especially. Of course it'll take awhile for the supply to dry up, but everything takes time. My plan isn't a magic bullet that will immediately end the problem, like the non-magic bullets which immediately ended the lives of several children this morning. But it's still a good idea.

why wouldn't production just ramp up in other places to fill the resulting gap in demand?

and now the USA has even less control because the foreign manufacturers don't give that much of a poo poo about US specific regulations and laws so forget about anything fancy like electronic locks on triggers and whatnot

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

by Azathoth
I was expecting a bunch of pictures of oddly shaped rocks and landscapes. Voted 1

mst4k
Apr 18, 2003

budlitemolaram

EugeneJ posted:

Can't wait to lease a gun

Billion dollar idea here and I'm stealing it, thanks!

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

Good plan, Guy Goodbody. However for any plan to work, a critical mass of Anericans will have to think in the long term. It would take many years for a lot of the already circulating automatic etc. weapons to be confiscated, handed in in gun amnestys, etc. Sadly, few preople think in the long term. And gun nuts who want to keep their nass murder weapons and buy even more are a strong voting bliock.

And paranoia about the 'slippery slope' of wventually supposedly banning all guns is easy to generate in Trump's post-truth nation.

The "if you ban such and such type of gun, only criminals will have them" ignores the fact that many non-criminal gun owners become criminals. With guns.

Anyway that's my 2c worth. I'm glad I don't live in the U.S. and have finished school.

Guy Goodbody
Aug 31, 2016

by Nyc_Tattoo

MightyJoe36 posted:

Why not? It worked really, really well with getting rid of the drug problem.

Drugs are very easy to manufacture, and literally addictive. Nobody needs to buy a bag of gun every week just to function. And even if they do, this is just one part of the brilliance of my plan, they'll still be able to! Gun owners will still be able to buy guns after my ban goes into effect! They'll be able to get rifles and shotguns and black powder cannons, and have all the gun fun which they value just as highly as parent value the lives of their children. It's win-win!

Guy Goodbody
Aug 31, 2016

by Nyc_Tattoo

Moridin920 posted:

why wouldn't production just ramp up in other places to fill the resulting gap in demand?

and now the USA has even less control because the foreign manufacturers don't give that much of a poo poo about US specific regulations and laws so forget about anything fancy like electronic locks on triggers and whatnot

Yes, let's forget about electric locks! That's exactly one of the dumb half-measures that derails any attempts at real, effective gun control.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

Guy Goodbody posted:

Yes, let's forget about electric locks! That's exactly one of the dumb half-measures that derails any attempts at real, effective gun control.

don't fixate on the electronic locks I just mean that if the US eliminates the industry domestically we're going to get a flood of piece of poo poo guns like the Taurus that fires when you shake it slightly

manufacture at home at least means our gov't has a significant influence on the industry should they care to use it ever


Kinda like how when you have an insane war on drugs people have to get lovely drugs laced with fentanyl or fake pharmaceuticals filled with lead because you haven't actually curtailed demand whatsoever

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
how about when a "news" channel or broadcast says or implies that gun control means the government is gonna take your guns away they get a lot of poo poo for it instead of nothing

EvilMerlin
Apr 10, 2018

Meh.

Give it a try...
The best thing is, my upgraded M53 will be done just in time for range day.

Was able to get almost all original German parts for it.

As for people claiming "circulation of automatic weapons". Thats a bunch of horseshit. There are a very limited number of legal automatic weapons on the market and they are nearly impossible to purchase.

As for illegal automatic weapons? They are used in something like 0.01% of all gun crime in the US.

EugeneJ
Feb 5, 2012

by FactsAreUseless

gary oldmans diary posted:

how about when a "news" channel or broadcast says or implies that gun control means the government is gonna take your guns away they get a lot of poo poo for it instead of nothing

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FCC_fairness_doctrine

Guy Goodbody
Aug 31, 2016

by Nyc_Tattoo

Moridin920 posted:

don't fixate on the electronic locks I just mean that if the US eliminates the industry domestically we're going to get a flood of piece of poo poo guns like the Taurus that fires when you shake it slightly

manufacture at home at least means our gov't has a significant influence on the industry should they care to use it ever

But that influence on the industry didn't prevent the dead children this morning. Illegally importing foreign-made guns will be massively more expensive and more onerous than just buying a gun is now. It'll drastically reduce the availability and ease of access to guns. If some gun owner wants to illegally import a lovely gun and it misfires and blows up his hands, well, uh, that's actually a really good thing to happen to that hypothetical guy who I hate, imo.

Sweaty IT Nerd
Jul 13, 2007

Register all the guns. Have an unregistered gun? Congratulations, you're now a criminal.

Won't help with mass shootings but will help with criminals who use straw purchases to acquire legally manufactured firearms.

BigBadSteve
Apr 29, 2009

EvilMerlin posted:

You do know revolvers are technically semi-automatic right (well double-actions)?


You do know that more people are killed with revolvers than any other weapon right?

Most murders are domestic violence, and probably not a lot can be done to prevent a lot of them. However, banning weapons that shoot a whole lot of bullets fast will decrease deaths in berzerker killings, because killing a lot of people with an easily obtainable weapon becomes harder. Quibbling about definitions does not change this.

a bone to pick
Sep 14, 2011

by FactsAreUseless

Big Bowie Bonanza posted:

3rd wish no more air

congrats you just solved all of Earth's problems

curlys gold
Jan 17, 2018

relocate all schools to amish country

Guy Goodbody
Aug 31, 2016

by Nyc_Tattoo

gary oldmans diary posted:

how about when a "news" channel or broadcast says or implies that gun control means the government is gonna take your guns away they get a lot of poo poo for it instead of nothing

IMO, the problem there lies with the government for not actually wanting to take your guns away

EvilMerlin
Apr 10, 2018

Meh.

Give it a try...

BigBadSteve posted:

The "if you ban such and such type of gun, only criminals will have them" ignores the fact that many non-criminal gun owners become criminals. With guns.

Evidence of this?

The actual truth and fact is that VERY VERY few lawful gun owners become criminals. Does it happen? Sure. But it is very rare.

Would love to see where you are pulling your numbers.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

eSports Chaebol posted:

yeah the navy is stoked



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Sweaty IT Nerd
Jul 13, 2007

EvilMerlin posted:

Evidence of this?

They have a gun that's now illegal. He doesn't need to cite anything.

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