|
Remember the World Cup? Phwoar.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C532kGa7j1A note: if you're confused by this video, it's because it's in Italian - but don't worry, that'll never come up again here Want to see, like, a normal World Cup, but organised by a tinpot dictator overseeing a brutal oligarchy that excludes all but a privileged few from a decent standard of living? Well, you’re going to have to wait eight years for that - but in the meantime here are some thoughts about Russia 2018: My best teams and their top boys: (groups ranked on number of minutes it’ll take you to realise that you’ve not showered for three days so that you can watch Morocco vs loving Iran) Group F Germany Remember 2014, and also, the war? Phwoar. Top lads, win on penalties or by annexing Austria. Remember when they were poo poo for a few years and had Karsten Janker up front instead of a good player and then loving Emile Heskey dunked on them. In many ways, much like England during the same period, except without the bit where they perpetuate the failure infinitely like a kaleidoscope filled with garbage and turds.  Sweden Remember Henrik Larsson, and the season-and-a-half-or-so that he played for a proper team? Nice. Remember the time that Zlatan got bored one day and decided to crush the England team single-handedly and then make a face, and so he did? Remember when Sweden and Denmark needed to specifically draw 2-2 to knock Italy out and then they did and laughed about it in bork? Massive phwoar.  Mexico Remember when CONCACAF were all like, “gee, let’s rig our qualifying so that the only two real countries that anyone has heard of always get in” and then they did and Mexico, like, hella qualified? Don’t know why I bring that up, but it’s probably important later on. Sort of a Chekov’s Bruce Arena, or one of those literary things like that.  South Korea Remember cheating? Turns out that cheating owns pretty hard and is the coolest and easiest way to win at things.  editor's note: one of the most fun things about going through all these old Panini albums is how in 1990 you could still get away with going "this is a team of brown people you've never heard of who won't win games, let's give them half a sticker each", and I for one am happy to bring this tradition back Group D Argentina Remember when Argentina dicked all over England and Bobby Robson made a face?  Iceland Remember when Iceland dicked all over England and Roy Hodgson made a face?  Croatia Remember when Croatia dicked all over England and Steve McClaren made a face?  Nigeria Remember when Nigeria… brought out a new kit for hipsters who watch their football at pubs that don’t serve beer in plastic glasses? Boo. Boo to this.  Group C France Remember France? Failing at things and picking their team based on horoscopes? Phwoar.   Peru Remember cocaine? Phwoar. Thumbing in a softie on some Mackem bint you met in Ayia Napa? Brilliant. Also Nobby Solano, he was decent.  Australia Remember Mark Bosnich? Thumbing in a softie on some bint he met in Ayia Napa, snorting ten grams of talc a day, and occasionally doing a comedy racism? With a loving Boyzone haircut? Phwoar. Remember Mark Viduka, proving that you don’t have to be healthy or to try at things to be a pro athlete, but he was a pro athlete? Top. Toppest of the top.  Denmark Remember Denmark? Remember when they won an actual major tournament despite the only hobbies in Denmark being building submarines, murdering women on submarines, bacon farming and listening to the same Muse song on repeat and insisting that it’s actually not the same song and that it’s also an album? Phwoar.  Group E Brazil Remember when you were a kid and the Brazil team was this almost mythical thing, like the end boss of the World Cup? When players like Zico and Socrates and Romario and Fat Ronald came out of South America once every four years and did, like, passes, instead of kicking people in the shin and thighs? Remember Roque Junior, and how he ruined it for everyone by being Brazilian and also poo poo at football? Remember Fred, being poo poo, and also named Fred? Remember laughing so hard your face hurt and ten full pages of people posting in all caps?  Costa Rica Remember how hard these guys have worked to come back after that earthquake? Yes, it’s definitely that island, not the other one. Yes, it’s definitely an island. I’m not looking it up, but I’m sure it is. “Costa Rica” is, like, Spanish for “rice island”, I did a course once. Honorary TRP non-sequitor Paulo Wanchope loves his island, and is a good lad.  Switzerland I don’t remember anything about Switzerland and neither should you.  Serbia Remember Gavrilo Princip? I blame him for most of this.  Group B Portugal Remember when Portugal won a trophy? Like, an actual trophy, not like “honorary award for making Spain look functional” or “the Derek Zoolander award for missing the joke”? Remember this, but instead it’s Ronald? Remember Ronald? Phwoar.  Spain Remember when Spain were a garbage team who got beat every year and who didn’t talk to each other because their dads bombed each other? And then suddenly they were really good for like, four years, coincidentally at the same time as a massive doping ring was being run out Spain? And then it got busted and they were a poo poo team that failed at everything again?  Morocco Remember all the good African teams that you used to pretend to like, in a sort of slightly condescending neo-Colonial Gary Lineker sort of way? Like when Luis Suarez beat Ghana by doing a cheat and everyone had a cry about how it was basically murdering a puppy and not kinda OK in the circumstances? Yeah, none of those qualified, so here’s Morocco.  Iran Remember the victory over the great Satan? Sometimes the good guys win one.  Group G England Remember when England had good players and you could look at the England squad and be like, “poo poo, those are some good players”, rather than, “I’ve watched 40 games this season and I don’t know wbo this Burnley fucker is”. Remember Ant and Dec, but when the shame was on the inside?   Belgium Remember when everyone pretended that Belgium were a proper team who should be favourites for a thing, and not a failed state full of wastemen? Turns out they’re a failed state full of wastemen.  Panama Remember when the United States didn’t qualify for the World Cup, and this country, which is most famous for being dug through to get somewhere else, and whose flag is a Pro Evo default, they did? Legendary. Do they even have players? Can they sign the big fat keeper who ate a pie and then got sacked because he ate a pie?  Tunisia Remember how Tunisia turn up to every loving World Cup and are always, always gash and have no players you’ve ever heard of? Great news, they’re back. In gash form. Will probably win this group. I didn't bother to look for a Tunisia sticker and to be perfectly honest I'm glad Group H Poland Remember when you were a kid and Poland weren’t the top loving seeds in a World Cup group? Sometimes nostalgia is worth it. We’re in the real dregs now. Remember that this gives me another opportunity to tell my Poland story where I went to a kickboxing tournament in Bucharest and I was worried for a second that one of the teams in the airport was a Poland one whose kit looked slightly better than that they’d made it at home, until I looked again and realised that one of them was Robert Lewandowski. We did not let them cut the queue.  Senegal Remember when I said all the cool African teams didn’t qualify? Hope you like some Senegal, which is apparently a place where people live. Remember El Hadji Diouf, being actually nominated as one of the best players of the century by Pele (and definitely not a FIFA committee)?  Colombia Remember when I used up all my coke lines on Peru? Mistake. Stil, remember Faustino Asprilla? Remember when the press went apeshit because he did a loving cartwheel? Remember Valderrama? Remember this poo poo? It’s a shame that they’re 100% rear end, really.  Japan Remember Kazuchika Okada vs Kenny Omega? And molesting people on public transport? Phwoar. A nice, solid, dependable team for someone useful to beat in the first knock-out round. Nice. Very nice.  Group A Russia Remember that there’ll probably be at least 30 “cutaway camera shot to a powerthot in the crowd jumping up and down” moments during each Russia game. Remember also this photograph of Andrei Arshavin posing with some children.  Saudi Arabia Remember when this garbageman team of clown idiots shows up somehow every four years and gets beaten 9-0 even though Italy and Holland didn’t qualify, even though that’s also cool and good?  Egypt Remember to watch Egypt vs Saudi Arabia so you can watch two bad teams do prayers at each other, that’s what football is really about.  Uruguay Remember that Uruguay. In some ways, we all are.  *** Here’s a goal Dennis Bergkamp scored once, it is better than Russia 2018 will be: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsZkCFoqSBs Feel free to remember your own World Cup things here FullLeatherJacket fucked around with this message at 18:59 on Jun 8, 2018 |
#
?
Jun 7, 2018 21:52
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 3, 2024 09:59 |
|
|
"Remember when Sweden and Denmark needed to specifically draw 2-2 to knock Italy out and then they did and laughed about it in bork? Massive phwoar." That was euro 2004
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2018 21:54
|
|
|
African AIDS cum posted:"Remember when Sweden and Denmark needed to specifically draw 2-2 to knock Italy out and then they did and laughed about it in bork? Massive phwoar." It's ok to remember things not at the World Cup if being at the World Cup reminds you of them or if it's the time John Terry fell over
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2018 21:56
|
|
|
African AIDS cum posted:"Remember when Sweden and Denmark needed to specifically draw 2-2 to knock Italy out and then they did and laughed about it in bork? Massive phwoar." I was going through an old hard drive a while back and found this  Also remember Salvatore Schillaci
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2018 22:00
|
|
|
I prefer to remember when Poland came 3rd in 1974 by dicking Brazil and then did it again in 1982 by dicking France. And I actually remember watching that game. I also remember Rossi breaking our hearts and possibly seeding the seeds of dissent that would eventually topple communism. 1982 was supposed to be our year. I don't think I've enjoyed watching our national team since. When Boniek eventually retired, we all knew it was over.
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2018 22:06
|
|
|
Remember watching this on VHS all the time https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPQEA9J2zgM
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2018 22:08
|
|
|
Blue Star Error posted:Remember watching this on VHS all the time This was my VHS of choice.  1988/89 English First Division goals, 110 goals in 20 minutes. Culminates with a certain Michael Thomas goal. Can't find a rip of it anywhere unfortunately.
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2018 22:26
|
|
|
I remember Ireland being eliminated by Spain in 2002 thanks to a jammy goal and then arguing about it so much with my Spanish teacher that I got detention.
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2018 22:35
|
|
|
italy are the only team to be such massive failures both koreas have knocked them out of a world cup. north korea even forced a rule change lol
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2018 22:36
|
|
|
I remember world cups.
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2018 22:44
|
|
|
shitaly
|
|
#
?
Jun 7, 2018 23:23
|
|
|
remember the jabulani and how all the players complained about it except diego forlan because he bothered to actually practice with it
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 00:19
|
|
|
I miss the baggy shirts of the 90's. They were fun https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITdPTKpGHuI So was this
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 00:51
|
|
|
remember when the Chilean player hit the crossbar in the last moments of extra time against Brazil, and then got this tattoo
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 00:59
|
|
|
Troy Queef posted:remember when the Chilean player hit the crossbar in the last moments of extra time against Brazil, and then got this tattoo Not with that kind of image linking.
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 01:02
|
|
|
Remember when the Socceroos visited a witch-doctor to win a game, won the game, then got cursed for not paying the witch-doctor and using that as excuse for sucking until an Australian comedian consulted a witch doctor to lift the curse then qualified against Uruguay but then continued to suck anyway? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_RPfOiKINE
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 02:53
|
|
|
Wrageowrapper posted:Remember when the Socceroos visited a witch-doctor to win a game, won the game, then got cursed for not paying the witch-doctor and using that as excuse for sucking until an Australian comedian consulted a witch doctor to lift the curse then qualified against Uruguay but then continued to suck anyway? I don't remember that
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 05:06
|
|
|
Wrageowrapper posted:Remember when the Socceroos visited a witch-doctor to win a game, won the game, then got cursed for not paying the witch-doctor and using that as excuse for sucking until an Australian comedian consulted a witch doctor to lift the curse then qualified against Uruguay but then continued to suck anyway? i remember this
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 05:21
|
|
|
that was a top quality op and i’m lolling, op
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 06:48
|
|
|
Mods please sticky this thread in every subforum TIA
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 09:52
|
|
|
FullLeatherJacket posted:Japan 
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 10:38
|
|
|
Philippe Albert looks like an old porno version of Dries Mertens. I remember when England and Italy were playing in the last World Cup, and Joe Fart got insanely mad after a free kick that he had no chance of stopping clipped the bar. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpnSn17nuug I also remember Eboue pretending to speak Korean https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5mj0Huxajk And lastly I remember bald Del Piero taking a poo poo on Germany https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zaGPJyPtHxo Gigi Galli fucked around with this message at 11:51 on Jun 8, 2018 |
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 11:47
|
|
|
This also is pretty lol
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 11:52
|
|
|
remember when in 2010 fabio cannavaro had a marketing campaign built around him doing a fully sick overhead clearance off the line then he gave the ball to new zealand with his dick? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QfEczJEZkz4 forums poster eau de macgowan remembers
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 11:53
|
|
|
And actually OP, let us not remember that Senegal were once one of the cool African teams https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RaBkN-Dyx58
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 11:55
|
|
|
Eau de MacGowan posted:remember when in 2010 fabio cannavaro had a marketing campaign built around him doing a fully sick overhead clearance off the line I remembe this I also remember this  it was a good ad
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 11:59
|
|
|
Gigi Galli posted:
this was a documentary though
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 12:03
|
|
|
mackintosh posted:I prefer to remember when Poland came 3rd in 1974 by dicking Brazil and then did it again in 1982 by dicking France. And I actually remember watching that game. I also remember Rossi breaking our hearts and possibly seeding the seeds of dissent that would eventually topple communism. 1982 was supposed to be our year. I don't think I've enjoyed watching our national team since. When Boniek eventually retired, we all knew it was over. Reminder that Rossi probably shouldn't have even been there since he was implicated in a match fixing scandal but had his football ban reduced to 2 years instead of 3. Then he pretty much single handedly won Italy that world cup.
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 12:12
|
|
|
FullLeatherJacket posted:England I don't, because England never, ever had good players hth Mystic Stylez fucked around with this message at 19:37 on Jun 8, 2018 |
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 14:55
|
|
|
 Remember when the real Ronaldo showed up in 2002 looking like an absolute clown?
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 15:27
|
|
|
blue footed boobie posted:
Yeah and then he loving dominated the tournament anyway
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 15:32
|
|
|
i'm remembering england and germany getting knocked out of euro 2000 by romania and doing some lols i'm also remembering dan petrescu, and when they all dyed their hair blonde in tribute to spike from buffy the vampire slayer
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 19:15
|
|
|
frankenfreak posted:Remember? It's happening again tomorrow! i'm expecting both of them to have 15-minute anime entrances followed by a match that's two hours long and that dave meltzer awards eight out of five stars everyone in the live thread will be fat
|
|
#
?
Jun 8, 2018 19:27
|
|
|
Gigi Galli posted:I remembe this Agreed.
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2018 19:01
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Jun 9, 2018 21:52
|
|
|
FullLeatherJacket posted:Saudi Arabia wrap it up, non-rememberingailures imagine how much better the world cup would be if italy were here and getting pumped 5-0 by local trashmen instead
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2018 18:47
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 3, 2024 09:59 |
|
|
I remember the late, great Benjamin Massing ensuring that Cameroon stayed a goal up in the opening match of the tournament against Argentina. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_FHqWXllX4
|
|
#
?
Jun 14, 2018 19:31
|
|
