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Mr. Vile
Nov 25, 2009

And, where there is treasure, there will be Air Pirates.

Rocket Baby Dolls posted:

I think that I'm missing something here. I played several Sierra adventure games when I was younger but nothing springs to mind.

It's nice to see that you are still around.


Sausage-based dessert? Nudge nudge... Ahem, I meant that it's definitely bangers and mash.

I'm going to tweak the settings before recording the next video, the subtitle speeds will be affecting the pacing. I didn't account for the wild fluctuations in ambient sounds with various locations either, I'll find something more in the middle for the next recording. I'll be very open afterwards to anyone's suggestions if things need tweaking any more.

The volatile relationship in the first game was pretty much heightened for comedic effect. The Librarian and Rincewind are pretty good friends in the books and it's portrayed more accurately in the introduction of the second game. I know that Rincewind knew the Librarian before he became an Orang-Utan and I think that he's one of the few people left alive who knows his actual name. I may be remembering this incorrectly as it's been a long time since I've read many of the earlier books, does one of them imply that they both were students at the University together too?

The backstory on the librarian is that he used to be human and was accidentally turned into an orangutan by basically a student prank, which got Rincewind thrown out of the university. Since then he has discovered he rather likes being an orangutan, and the rest of the faculty have become so used to it than if anyone reported an orangutan in the library they would probably ask the librarian if he had seen it. The librarian is extremely protective of his original name because he's afraid that someone will try to turn him back (knowing the true name of something is one of the most powerful rules in magic, after all), and all the yearbooks from the year he graduated have a page mysteriously missing, with only banana-scented fingerprints left behind. Rincewind is probably the only person aside from the librarian himself who actually remembers what his original name is, and the last time he mused about telling anyone he ended up dangling by his ankles at the top of a tower.

As to why Rincewind knew the librarian before, I think he used to work in the library, which is why he was the one in place for the student prank.

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Robindaybird
Aug 21, 2007

Neat. Sweet. Petite.

one of the reasons is The Librarian realized that a lot of dangerous books he had to be careful about no longer consider him a threat or a target as they're designed only to deter humans, thus being an Ape makes his job A LOT easier.

Epicmissingno
Jul 1, 2017

Thank gooness we all get along so well!

Mr. Vile posted:

The backstory on the librarian is that he used to be human and was accidentally turned into an orangutan by basically a student prank, which got Rincewind thrown out of the university. Since then he has discovered he rather likes being an orangutan, and the rest of the faculty have become so used to it than if anyone reported an orangutan in the library they would probably ask the librarian if he had seen it. The librarian is extremely protective of his original name because he's afraid that someone will try to turn him back (knowing the true name of something is one of the most powerful rules in magic, after all), and all the yearbooks from the year he graduated have a page mysteriously missing, with only banana-scented fingerprints left behind. Rincewind is probably the only person aside from the librarian himself who actually remembers what his original name is, and the last time he mused about telling anyone he ended up dangling by his ankles at the top of a tower.

As to why Rincewind knew the librarian before, I think he used to work in the library, which is why he was the one in place for the student prank.

I was under the impression that the Librarian got turned into an orang-utan from a burst of magic from the Octavo in the first book (or it might have been the second, I don't remember). Rincewind ends up becoming the assistant librarian for Reasons, possibly the university faculty wanting to get him out of the way, and I guess they bond over being misfits or something.

And then Rincewind becomes the Professor of Cruel and Unusual Geography.

Bruceski
Aug 21, 2007

The tools of a hero mean nothing without a solid core.

Epicmissingno posted:

I was under the impression that the Librarian got turned into an orang-utan from a burst of magic from the Octavo in the first book (or it might have been the second, I don't remember). Rincewind ends up becoming the assistant librarian for Reasons, possibly the university faculty wanting to get him out of the way, and I guess they bond over being misfits or something.

And then Rincewind becomes the Professor of Cruel and Unusual Geography.

Yep. Second book at the start, when the Octavo casts a spell to save Rincewind.

Robindaybird posted:

one of the reasons is The Librarian realized that a lot of dangerous books he had to be careful about no longer consider him a threat or a target as they're designed only to deter humans, thus being an Ape makes his job A LOT easier.

quote:

Legend said that any mortal man who read more than a few lines of the original copy would die insane.
This was certainly true.
Legend also said that the book contained illustrations that would make a strong man’s brain dribble out of his ears.
This was probably true, too.
Legend went on to say that merely opening the Necrotelicomnicon would cause a man’s flesh to crawl off his hand and up his arm.
No-one actually knew if this was true, but it sounded horrible enough to be true and no-one was about to try any experiments.
Legend had a lot to say about the Necrotelicomnicon, in fact, but absolutely nothing to say about orangutans, who could tear the book into little bits and chew it for all legend cared. The worst that had ever happened to the Librarian after looking at it was a mild migraine and a touch of eczema.

I love that bit.

Mr. Vile
Nov 25, 2009

And, where there is treasure, there will be Air Pirates.

Epicmissingno posted:

I was under the impression that the Librarian got turned into an orang-utan from a burst of magic from the Octavo in the first book (or it might have been the second, I don't remember). Rincewind ends up becoming the assistant librarian for Reasons, possibly the university faculty wanting to get him out of the way, and I guess they bond over being misfits or something.

And then Rincewind becomes the Professor of Cruel and Unusual Geography.

Turns out I actually misremembered that detail. I thought it was from Rincewind opening the Octavo on what amounts to a student dare, but it was actually a side effect of the Octavo stopping him from falling over the edge of the Disc while one of the eight spells was still living in his brain.

double nine
Aug 8, 2013

Bruceski posted:

Yep. Second book at the start, when the Octavo casts a spell to save Rincewind.

quote:

Legend said that any mortal man who read more than a few lines of the original copy would die insane.
This was certainly true.
Legend also said that the book contained illustrations that would make a strong man’s brain dribble out of his ears.
This was probably true, too.
Legend went on to say that merely opening the Necrotelicomnicon would cause a man’s flesh to crawl off his hand and up his arm.
No-one actually knew if this was true, but it sounded horrible enough to be true and no-one was about to try any experiments.
Legend had a lot to say about the Necrotelicomnicon, in fact, but absolutely nothing to say about orangutans, who could tear the book into little bits and chew it for all legend cared. The worst that had ever happened to the Librarian after looking at it was a mild migraine and a touch of eczema.

I love that bit.

I don't know what the term is for this kind of comedy but it's probably my favorite kind of comedy writing. The only other author that I've seen use this is douglas adams .

Alhazred
Feb 16, 2011





They really messed up Ponder Stibbons. His main characteristic is that he's the sane and level-headed one at UU, not a mad scientist.

Robindaybird
Aug 21, 2007

Neat. Sweet. Petite.

Well he's an actual researcher when the rest of the staff would much rather avoid work as much as possible, your undergraduate to the Wizards' Tenure.

Dareon
Apr 6, 2009

by vyelkin

double nine posted:

I don't know what the term is for this kind of comedy but it's probably my favorite kind of comedy writing. The only other author that I've seen use this is douglas adams .

It's the comedic version of the carefully-worded prophecy subversion. "No man of woman born shall kill me / Macduff was from his mother's womb untimely ripp'd" and so forth. Although that's a serious outlier, most of the others are just "No man can kill me / I'm a woman."

My favorite example of that kind of subversion is a dude who could not be slain on foot or while mounted, on land or in the water, clothed or naked. The hero got the dude's girlfriend to tease him about it and tempt fate, resulting in the dude stepping out of the bath by putting one foot on a goat while the girl handed him his robe.

Rocket Baby Dolls
Mar 3, 2006

Normally I don't make aesthetic criticisms in other peoples' homes, but that rug looks like a beaver exploded. If meat is murder, then that rug is at least a severe beating.


Rincewind explores several locations within Ankh-Morpork in this video as well as speaking to a variety of people. There's still more locations to explore and people to talk too which I'll try to cover this weekend. It's the third episode and I've managed to solve my first puzzle, I'm doing well so far!

Tenebrais
Sep 2, 2011

Ah, now that's the Dibbler voice I know and love!

The part where Rincewind walked away, that you speculated might be a glitch, I think was just a gag of Rincewind choosing to walk away from the conversation before he gets caught up talking to Dibbler. He did it to the beekeeper too.

Nidoking
Jan 27, 2009

I fought the lava, and the lava won.

Tenebrais posted:

The part where Rincewind walked away, that you speculated might be a glitch, I think was just a gag of Rincewind choosing to walk away from the conversation before he gets caught up talking to Dibbler. He did it to the beekeeper too.

Yes, but was he supposed to get stuck walking into the actress on his way out?

nielsm
Jun 1, 2009



Ah, lots of these conversations make much more sense/are far wittier now than they were when I was a teenager.

Dareon
Apr 6, 2009

by vyelkin

nielsm posted:

Ah, lots of these conversations make much more sense/are far wittier now than they were when I was a teenager.

Yeah, I finally got the "anthill inside" joke.

Tiggum
Oct 24, 2007

Your life and your quest end here.


The milkmaid is played by the same person in both games, along with every other female character. The second game kept her (Kate Robbins), Rob Brydon and, of course, Eric Idle, but replaced Tony Robinson and Jon Pertwee with Nigel Planer. So instead of four people playing about 75 characters you've got three people playing about 58¹. It works out to be about the same number of characters per actor, but I've no idea how the actual amount of dialogue compares.

¹ I say "about" because I'm not sure I counted accurately.

Rocket Baby Dolls
Mar 3, 2006

Normally I don't make aesthetic criticisms in other peoples' homes, but that rug looks like a beaver exploded. If meat is murder, then that rug is at least a severe beating.


I'm almost done with the initial exploration, in this videorecording Rincewind explores the Fool's Guild and part of the Shades. There's not much that I can really add to what I've already been saying, there's plenty of dialogue in this episode and a few attempts at solving some puzzles on the fly.

Tiggum posted:

The milkmaid is played by the same person in both games, along with every other female character. The second game kept her (Kate Robbins), Rob Brydon and, of course, Eric Idle, but replaced Tony Robinson and Jon Pertwee with Nigel Planer. So instead of four people playing about 75 characters you've got three people playing about 58¹. It works out to be about the same number of characters per actor, but I've no idea how the actual amount of dialogue compares.

¹ I say "about" because I'm not sure I counted accurately.

I should have checked this thread again before posting, in the next video I will relay this information and give you credit for it. I was already aware of the slight change in actor's which I tried touching a little upon in this recording. I don't think that I explained myself properly previously, I was meaning that the actress had seemed to give the character a new voice and a slight change in personality in this game. Maybe fame has changed her?

Poil
Mar 17, 2007

Buggrit. Millennium hand and shrimp.

Stealing from beggars is really low. :(

Tenebrais
Sep 2, 2011

Man, Henry Coffin is really uncomfortable to listen to. The coughing and hacking sounds so authentic.

And hey, we got the glitter. And the mouse blood! Unfortunately, the mouse still seems to be using it.

Gridlocked
Aug 2, 2014

MR. STUPID MORON
WITH AN UGLY FACE
AND A BIG BUTT
AND HIS BUTT SMELLS
AND HE LIKES TO KISS
HIS OWN BUTT
by Roger Hargreaves

Rocket Baby Dolls posted:

The volatile relationship in the first game was pretty much heightened for comedic effect. The Librarian and Rincewind are pretty good friends in the books and it's portrayed more accurately in the introduction of the second game. I know that Rincewind knew the Librarian before he became an Orang-Utan and I think that he's one of the few people left alive who knows his actual name. I may be remembering this incorrectly as it's been a long time since I've read many of the earlier books, does one of them imply that they both were students at the University together too?

I don't recall them being students together.

However you maybe referring to after the events of Colour of Magic/The Light Fantastic and Sorcery, the university gives him a job as assistant librarian in order to keep him out of the way. Later after the events of Interesting Times and one of the big art books I now forget he ends up being made Professor of Cruel and Unusual Geography with the reasoning they don't have one at the moment and he's run away over so much of it he must know about it. I also believe in Unseen Academicals the Archchancellor has a thinking moment to himself where he states that they keep Rincewind around because his bad-luck problems are like a lightning rod that keeps the rest of the university safe.

Dareon
Apr 6, 2009

by vyelkin
I have a copy of Nanny Ogg's Cookbook (A useful and improving Almanack of Information including Astonishing Recipes), which includes some dwarven recipes, slightly altered to make them edible by humans. This includes the classic Sticky Toffee Rat Onna Stick (shaped from marzipan) and Quattro Rodenti, a pizza with rat-shaped sliced roast beef shaped over tomato-and-mushroom innards. As well as Rat Vindaloo, which simply has the note "You don't want to know about it. Besides, how would you tell?"

The editors attempted to get a recipe from Rincewind, but what they got shouted over his shoulder was potatoes, in their jackets, in great big baths of butter. This seemed too close to the Librarian's recipe ("Ook," or loosely translated, "take one banana."), so instead they have provided us with a rather lovely recipe for potato-and-onion cakes that can be eaten on the run.

The book covers most of the familiar characters and locales of the Disc, and as we encounter them I'd be pleased to provide the recipes.

Robindaybird
Aug 21, 2007

Neat. Sweet. Petite.

Please do, I've been curious about it, but any place that might sell it wanted an outrageous amount of money for it.

EDIT: looks like the prices had come down since I last looked.

Robindaybird fucked around with this message at 22:14 on Nov 11, 2018

Black Robe
Sep 12, 2017

Generic Magic User


I should have thought of that, I've got the cookbook somewhere too. Eh, I'm sure Dareon will do a much better job than I would.

Tiggum
Oct 24, 2007

Your life and your quest end here.


I must say, the new voice for the fool is much less irritating.

Rocket Baby Dolls posted:

I was meaning that the actress had seemed to give the character a new voice and a slight change in personality in this game. Maybe fame has changed her?
Oh, right. Yeah. I just assumed the actor forgot how she'd done the voice in the first game.

Dareon posted:

I have a copy of Nanny Ogg's Cookbook
So have I, actually, but I've literally never read a word of it. I think I got it when a friend moved to Germany and gave away all his stuff.

Rocket Baby Dolls
Mar 3, 2006

Normally I don't make aesthetic criticisms in other peoples' homes, but that rug looks like a beaver exploded. If meat is murder, then that rug is at least a severe beating.


This covers the final part of exploring Ankh-Morpork and talking to people. I had a little time to start puzzle solving towards the end but my brain kind of shut down a little. Act I should definitely be resolved in the next episode.

Dareon posted:

The book covers most of the familiar characters and locales of the Disc, and as we encounter them I'd be pleased to provide the recipes.

I'd very much appreciate anything you have to share, thank you for the offer!

Tenebrais
Sep 2, 2011

The Mrs Cake bit is a nice little puzzle - got to figure out what to say so that it properly relates to her response. It just so happens that going through the options in near-order will do it.

Speaking of dialogue options, it was a good move to replace the "insult" option with a "thoughts" one. Better for giving hints and makes Rincewind seem like less of an arsehole.

Dareon
Apr 6, 2009

by vyelkin
Nanny Ogg's Cookbook I - Casanunda, Rincewind, Ponder Stibbons

Unfortunately we haven't actually met anyone in this video who's explicitly included in the cookbook. There are notes on etiquette for dealing with trolls, vampires, and Granny Weatherwax (If you punch a troll as hard as you can when first meeting them, you will likely have a friend for life, as well as someone to carry you to the nearest bonesetter), and Casanunda features in a few illustrations thanks to his whirlwind romance with Nanny Ogg. We can use him as a jumping-off point for one of the recipes we might otherwise not get to feature, and continue with our dear Rincewind and an Unseen Academical. As a note for our American audience, these recipes use metric measurements, unit converters are available on most smart devices these days.

Nanny Ogg's Maids of Honour


Take your eyes off them and they end up as tarts. Makes about 6, depending on the size of the moulds.
  • 150g mascarpone cheese
  • 1 tablespoon Cointreau (triple sec)
  • 1 teaspoon mixed spice
  • sugar to taste
  • 1 large egg, beaten
  • 200g rich shortcrust pastry
  • 100g pink marzipan
  • glacé cherries and cocoa powder to decorate
Preheat the oven to 220°C. Lightly grease 6 barquette moulds (These are leaf- or eye-shaped, the recipe recommends 12cm x 6cm, and will run you about $1.50-2.00 apiece). Mix together the mascarpone, Cointreau, mixed spice and sugar, then beat in the egg. Roll out the pastry to around 0.75cm thickness and line each tin, leaving a little edge on each. Roll out the marzipan as thinly as possible and line the pastry, making sure you bring the marzipan well up to the top so that it can be seen in the finished tarts.
Spoon the mascarpone mixture into the tins, not quite to the top, and bake for around 25 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from the oven and let rest for ten minutes for the filling to set before removing from the tins to cool on a wire rack. Before serving, sprinkle cocoa powder around the edges and place a quarter glacé cherry on each.

Rincewind's Potato Cakes
Makes 6-8.
  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 350g potatoes, cooked and mashed
  • 1 teaspoon sage
  • 1 or 2 eggs, beaten
  • 100g white breadcrumbs, dried
  • sunflower oil
Fry the onion in a little oil until softened. Stir into the mashed potato with the sage and allow to cool. Then form the mixture into patties, about the size and shape of a small, thick burger patty. Brush them with the beaten egg then turn them in a bowl containing the breadcrumbs. Fry with more oil until golden brown.
Can be eaten on the run.

Dried Frog Pills
Ponder Stibbons, faced with the Bursar's insanity, came across some old research that certain types of frog caused hallucinations and reasoned that if the active ingredient (Bufotenin or the nearest magical equivalent) could be isolated and adjusted, it may be possible to make the Bursar hallucinate that he was completely sane. Provided he remembers his pills, the Bursar at least passes for sane by the standard of universities. The editors have removed the frog-based ingredient from the recipe because its inclusion would result in cruelty to frogs and outbreaks of homicidal sanity.
  • 0 frogs
  • 1 small egg white
  • 30g icing sugar (sifted)
  • 1 heaped teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 1 teaspoon rum flavouring
  • 1 teaspoon green food colouring
Carefully take no frogs, and do not dry them. Whisk the egg white until stiff. Gradually beat in most of the sugar with a wooden spoon. Sift in the cinnamon, add the rum flavouring and food colouring and stir until well blended. Add enough of the remaining sugar to form a mixture that doesn't stick to the fingers when patted. Line a baking tray with greaseproof paper, roll the mixture into pea-sized balls, place them on the tray, and leave to set for 8 hours.
Take one whenever the world gets too much, or when the voices tell you to.

Dareon
Apr 6, 2009

by vyelkin
Double posting to prevent general game chatter from coming through in any potential archiving of this LP. It took me ages to get the ectoplasm, because my young, innocent brain couldn't make the leap from "looks like a giant drink mixer" to "mix spirits." I got the joke immediately, though.

And one gameplay tip you may or may not be aware of: You can Use any item on the Luggage to put it inside without opening the inventory window. Or at least you could in the PS1 version.

Tiggum
Oct 24, 2007

Your life and your quest end here.



I've got very mixed opinions of Paul Kidby's illustrations. Some of them seem spot on, others not so much. His versions of Vimes, Vetinari and Death are fantastic, but these are three of the worst. Granny Weatherwax and Casanunda are both supposed to be very good-looking people, and they just aren't here. And Nanny Ogg looks like a cartoon character who got hit in the face with a frying pan and now her face is all flat.

Nidoking
Jan 27, 2009

I fought the lava, and the lava won.

Dareon posted:

And one gameplay tip you may or may not be aware of: You can Use any item on the Luggage to put it inside without opening the inventory window. Or at least you could in the PS1 version.

You can also double-click on a room transition to warp straight to the next room without having to wait for Rincewind to walk there (or ambulate in such other fashion as may be appropriate to that transition).

SystemLogoff
Feb 19, 2011

End Session?

Tiggum posted:

I've got very mixed opinions of Paul Kidby's illustrations. Some of them seem spot on, others not so much. His versions of Vimes, Vetinari and Death are fantastic, but these are three of the worst. Granny Weatherwax and Casanunda are both supposed to be very good-looking people, and they just aren't here. And Nanny Ogg looks like a cartoon character who got hit in the face with a frying pan and now her face is all flat.

Yeah, Granny Weatherwax is supposed to have that evil allure thing going on and Nanny is 100% everyone's Grandma with a very 'good' sense of humor.

Mraagvpeine
Nov 4, 2014

I won this avatar on a technicality this thick.

Dareon posted:

Rincewind's Potato Cakes
Makes 6-8.
  • 1 onion, chopped
  • 350g potatoes, cooked and mashed
  • 1 teaspoon sage
  • 1 or 2 eggs, beaten
  • 100g white breadcrumbs, dried
  • sunflower oil
Fry the onion in a little oil until softened. Stir into the mashed potato with the sage and allow to cool. Then form the mixture into patties, about the size and shape of a small, thick burger patty. Brush them with the beaten egg then turn them in a bowl containing the breadcrumbs. Fry with more oil until golden brown.
Can be eaten on the run.

I know it's a recipe from a book, but I think it's better to use Panko breadcrumbs instead.

Dareon
Apr 6, 2009

by vyelkin

Mraagvpeine posted:

I know it's a recipe from a book, but I think it's better to use Panko breadcrumbs instead.

Yeah, some of the recipes are very specific where they don't need to be, like asking for a specific brand of triple sec (:goonsay: Which wouldn't even exist as that branding on the Disc).

Rocket Baby Dolls
Mar 3, 2006

Normally I don't make aesthetic criticisms in other peoples' homes, but that rug looks like a beaver exploded. If meat is murder, then that rug is at least a severe beating.


This is the end of Act I which was actually quite nicely timed. I should have the start of Act II up on Friday. For now, enjoy the five-minute cutscene at the end of this video with a very questionable song...

It's hard to plan with adventure games sometimes, usually, when I have notes that I think will last me for thirty minutes I'm done in ten and vice versa. I was having some microphone issues today so I'm sounding pretty low for this recording.


Thank you for taking out to post these recipes. I wonder which kind of frogs we aren't supposed to use.

Dareon posted:

And one gameplay tip you may or may not be aware of: You can Use any item on the Luggage to put it inside without opening the inventory window. Or at least you could in the PS1 version.


Nidoking posted:

You can also double-click on a room transition to warp straight to the next room without having to wait for Rincewind to walk there (or ambulate in such other fashion as may be appropriate to that transition).

I was aware of these beforehand, I tried to explain a little in the recording but I'll elaborate here.

Anything that's collectable in the game world usually has a different description while in the luggage. Personally, I just found it quicker to open up the luggage window so I could place the object and examine it straight away.

The location transition is just another personal choice. It's certainly quicker and I don't think that I was clear during the recording with my thoughts on this. Personally, I just prefer the transitions to show Rincewind exiting through a passage and entering through another. It's nothing on OCD levels or anything, if people prefer I just warp out to cut down on time then I'd happily switch.

Tiggum
Oct 24, 2007

Your life and your quest end here.


It took me way too long to get that "they want demons to do their will" joke.

Dareon
Apr 6, 2009

by vyelkin
Nanny Ogg's Cookbook II - Archchancellor Ridcully, Foul Ole Ron, Death

A few more lightly associated recipes, but we do actually have one from Unseen University.

Wow Wow Sauce

This recipe is one handed down through the Ridcully family. Like most wizards, Archchancellor Ridcully is a man who goes for sauces. This is of course not genuine Wow Wow Sauce, which can be made only under carefully controlled conditions and is at its best when on the verge of explosively disintegrating. Shaking the bottle is inviting catastrophe, and only a fool would light an after-dinner cigar with Wow Wow Sauce on the table. When a bottle of five-year-old sauce was found in the UU pantry, the entire wing was evacuated for two days until it could be disposed of in a controlled dinner.
  • Butter, a lump about the size of an egg
  • 1 tablespoon plain flour
  • 300ml beef stock
  • 1 teaspoon English mustard
  • 1 dessertspoon white wine vinegar (2 teaspoons)
  • 1 tablespoon port
  • 1 tablespoon mushroom concentrate
  • Salt and black pepper
  • 1 heaped tablespoon freeze-dried parsley
  • 4 pickled walnuts, chopped
The mushroom concentrate should be made the day before you make this sauce, by taking six large button mushrooms, sprinkling with salt in a bowl, leaving three hours, and mashing. Cover the bowl and leave overnight, then strain off the liquid and boil it until it reduces to about a tablespoon's worth of concentrate. Worcertershire sauce can be substituted for the concentrate and port.

Melt the butter in a saucepan. Stir in the flour and beef stock. Stir continuously on a moderate heat until you have a smooth, thick sauce. Add the mustard, white wine vinegar, port and mushroom concentrate, season with salt and pepper, and continue to cook for about 10 minutes. Stir in the parsley and walnuts, warm through, and serve.

Brodequin Rôti Façon Ombres

Foreign for "Man's boots in mud." The story goes that a posh restaurant found itself one day with nothing in the larder but mud and old boots and a restaurant full of people. This might normally have been a problem, but since the art of cuisine is making something from nothing and charging a lot of money for doing it, the chefs managed to produce such a range of delicacies that now old boots fetch a high price in the city and rare, sun-dried muds are imported from foreign parts. This recipe captures the look but hopefully not the taste.
  • 350g topside of beef, thinly sliced
  • 3-4 tablespoons dark soy sauce
  • 500g mushrooms, very finely chopped
  • 300ml dark ale or stout
  • 2 cloves garlic, crushed
  • 2-3 teaspoons chopped dill
  • 470ml beef stock
Marinate the beef in the soy sauce for 2-3 hours. Preheat the oven to 190°C. Put the beef in a casserole dish with the mushrooms and add the ale. Add the garlic and dill and enough stock to cover. Season to taste. Cover and cook in the oven for 1 1/2 hours. Remove the lid and cook for a further 20-30 minutes to let the "mud" reduce a little. The classic accompaniment, according to renowned beggar Arnold Sideways, is a rusty tin half-full of paint thinner. I would suggest something else. Practically anything else, really.

Now, Death, being the anthropomorphic representation of a universal constant, does not eat. The etiquette portion of this book suggests leaving him a little something when you know it's your time (You cannot go wrong with a ham roll), but if you ask me he's just partaking to be nice. But the upshot is that he has not provided a recipe for our edification. So instead, here are two recipes that might have you meeting him if prepared incorrectly.



Deep-Sea Blowfish (The Easy Version)
  • 1 deep-sea blowfish
  • 50g sea bream or other whitefish, absolutely fresh, filleted
  • 3-4 radishes
  • 2-3 spring onions
  • a few sprigs of watercress
  • an eggcup full of light soy sauce, mixed with 1 tsp mustard, 2tsp lemon juice, or 1 clove crushed garlic, for dip
The most important part of this recipe is not to use any of the blowfish whatsoever, since every single part of it is deadly in a very unpleasant way. So, after covering all work surfaces, dispose of the blowfish very carefully. Better yet, get someone else, perhaps someone you don't like very much but who doesn't owe you money, to dispose of it. You might ask why bother to obtain a blowfish at all in that case. If you don't, the dish will still be very pleasant, but will lack that delicate frisson. Connoisseurs claim they can tell by the taste if a blowfish has been anywhere near the kitchen on the day of preparation, and woe betide the chef who just couldn't be bothered to go and get one. You can very well settle for the rest of the recipe, however:

Check the fish for any scales or bones and remove any you find. Place in a colander and quickly pour boiling water over it, then immediately plunge the fish into a bowl of cold water; the object is not to cook it but to make sure it is clean. Finely slice the radishes and spring onions and arrange these with the watercress into pretty patterns on the plates. Using a very sharp knife, slice the fish as thinly as possible. Serve immediately, with the soy dip.

Lord Downey's Mint Humbugs
  • 400g sugar
  • 5 tablespoons liquid glucose
  • 250ml water
  • 1/2 teaspoon cream of tartar
  • 1/2 teaspoon peppermint oil
  • a few drops of green food coloring
  • oil for greasing
  • arsenic to taste

Ah, there's the problem. Arsenic has been used in times past as a food colouring (It makes a lovely green), but as Lord Downey is the president of the Ankh-Morpork Guild of Assassins, this is unlikely to be the reason for its inclusion. We should bear this in mind, and forget the arsenic.

Oil two large plates, and set them aside for later. Mix the sugar and glucose together in a saucepan. Add the water and stir together over a gentle heat until the sugar has dissolved, not adding arsenic at any point. Add the cream of tartar, bring to a boil and continue to boil until the sugar reaches 140°C (Use a candy/sugar thermometer). You can test it by dropping a few drops into a bowl of icewater; the mixture should become brittle.

Remove the pan from the heat and add the peppermint oil. Divide the mixture between the two oiled plates (it will be very hot). Using an oiled palette knife, add the green food colouring to one half (this is a good time not to add any arsenic), turning it well to distribute the color evenly. The mixture can now be left until it is cool enough to handle.

Oil your hands, then mold each cooled half separately into a sausage shape and lengthen this out to a thickish strand. You'll need to work quickly before any arsenic is added. Twine the two strands together like a rope and then snip into small pieces with a pair of oiled scissors, turning the 'rope' at each cut. When the humbugs are hardened, wrap them individually in waxed or other non-stick food wrap and store in an airtight tin, away from any arsenic. These are to die for, or perhaps of.

Tiggum
Oct 24, 2007

Your life and your quest end here.


Dareon posted:

Wow Wow Sauce

This recipe is one handed down through the Ridcully family. Like most wizards, Archchancellor Ridcully is a man who goes for sauces. This is of course not genuine Wow Wow Sauce, which can be made only under carefully controlled conditions and is at its best when on the verge of explosively disintegrating. Shaking the bottle is inviting catastrophe, and only a fool would light an after-dinner cigar with Wow Wow Sauce on the table. When a bottle of five-year-old sauce was found in the UU pantry, the entire wing was evacuated for two days until it could be disposed of in a controlled dinner.
  • Butter, a lump about the size of an egg
  • 1 tablespoon plain flour
  • 300ml beef stock
  • 1 teaspoon English mustard
  • 1 dessertspoon white wine vinegar (2 teaspoons)
  • 1 tablespoon port
  • 1 tablespoon mushroom concentrate
  • Salt and black pepper
  • 1 heaped tablespoon freeze-dried parsley
  • 4 pickled walnuts, chopped
The mushroom concentrate should be made the day before you make this sauce, by taking six large button mushrooms, sprinkling with salt in a bowl, leaving three hours, and mashing. Cover the bowl and leave overnight, then strain off the liquid and boil it until it reduces to about a tablespoon's worth of concentrate. Worcertershire sauce can be substituted for the concentrate and port.

Melt the butter in a saucepan. Stir in the flour and beef stock. Stir continuously on a moderate heat until you have a smooth, thick sauce. Add the mustard, white wine vinegar, port and mushroom concentrate, season with salt and pepper, and continue to cook for about 10 minutes. Stir in the parsley and walnuts, warm through, and serve.

I had assumed that this would be some kind of chilli sauce. :confused:

Poil
Mar 17, 2007

Tiggum posted:

I had assumed that this would be some kind of chilli sauce. :confused:
Yeah, that's way too tame and mundane for how the books describe what happens if you eat just a little bit. If I remember right it takes months of preparation too.

Robindaybird
Aug 21, 2007

Neat. Sweet. Petite.

I just assume it's for the typical British palette which isn't too fond of the hot.

Tenebrais
Sep 2, 2011

Robindaybird posted:

I just assume it's for the typical British palette which isn't too fond of the hot.

An entire teaspoon of mustard

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Alhazred
Feb 16, 2011




Tiggum posted:

I had assumed that this would be some kind of chilli sauce. :confused:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wow-Wow_sauce

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