|
Sci fi? This poll is closed. |
|||
|---|---|---|---|
| No sci-fi! |
|
4 | 5.06% |
| It's too easy |
|
11 | 13.92% |
| Do not, under any circumstance, post ridiculous sex stuff from sci fi! |
|
17 | 21.52% |
| Okay, you can post weird sex stuff from sci fi, well-played! |
|
47 | 59.49% |
| Total: | 79 votes | ||
|
 I just read chapter one of an old Hardy Boys book called the Secret of Pirates Hill (#36), and those boys lack any ability to feel apprehension. This was all in the same chapter: They go skin diving and are shot at by a dude with a speargun. They chase the skin diver, but he disappears. They ask a nearby fisherman if he had seen them. The fisherman is super old and deaf and can't understand them (Note: I suspect the fisherman is the spearman in disguise.) The boys decide it's totally safe and normal to keep skin diving In a totally new develoment, Frank gets shot at by a spear gun. It ruptures his air line. Somehow this makes Frank go immediately unconscious Joe grabs frank. Instead of swimming upward, Joe swims to the line of his boat. I don't know why he does this. Climbing the anchor line, Joe reaches the surface and "rolls Frank into the boat." Wouldn't this be impossible to do while floating in the water? Joe performs "artificial respiration" on Frank for several minutes. Finally Frank comes to They calmly discuss any clues they may have seen, almost as if one of them wasn't just, like, legally dead or something 2 minutes ago They pilot their boat back to the marina A stranger is standing outside their boathouse. Feeling zero apprehension because, you know, they lack that chromosome or w/e they approach him in a friendly manner It's a guy who has a case for them to detect. First he found their mailman, then he found their house, then he found their mother, then he came out to their boathouse. This must be an urgent case... ... it is! He needs to find a Spanish cannon that may be in the area!!! Because if it's one thing ancient, 3,200 pound cannons do, it's vacation in coastal New York. Just then, a loud boom is heard! Feeling absolutely no fear nor common sense, the Hardy's run toward the sound It's a cannon! But not their cannon. A different cannon, in a coincidence so remarkable, I can only surmise that the authors intended me to burn the book, forcing me to return to the store to buy another tome from fine publishers Grosset & Dunlap All in chapter one. What are some other ridiculous parts of kids books? Drunk Nerds fucked around with this message at 15:12 on Nov 8, 2018 |
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 05:48
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 16, 2024 14:19 |
|
|
Joe doesn't swim up because he doesn't want Frank to get decompression sickness. Hopefully other knowledgeable posters can clear up the rest of your questions.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 05:56
|
|
|
feelix posted:Joe doesn't swim up because he doesn't want Frank to get decompression sickness. Hopefully other knowledgeable posters can clear up the rest of your questions. Yeah I guess that's it, thanks. I had just assumed they weren't that deep but there I go applying logic to the situation like a dumbass. Wonder why they didn't mention the bends, they like to explain everything in these books.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 05:59
|
|
|
In LOTR they should've just used the eagles right away.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 06:01
|
|
|
Icochet posted:In LOTR they should've just used the eagles right away. The eagles should just be expunged from any future reprints
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 06:03
|
|
|
Any book that ends “happily ever after” Life is pain
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 06:08
|
|
|
There's something... off.. about "Tintin in the Congo" but I can't quite put my finger on it
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 06:13
|
|
|
Icochet posted:In LOTR they should've just used the eagles right away. Handy tip for a happy life: When some fucken dork starts making GBS threads out some dumb reason why the eagles could only help when it didn't gently caress up the entire story, tell them JRR himself open admitted it was a pothole and didn't care about the fanwanking.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 06:56
|
|
|
The bones!
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 06:57
|
|
|
Drunk Nerds posted:The eagles should just be expunged from any future reprints Or just add a short paragraph after the eagles drop the heroes off at home: Sam: "Wow, that was quick" Gandalf goes quiet, then slaps his forehead: "godDAMNIT!" Elrond stands silent for a moment before excusing himself. He goes gather all the elves and announce that they must sail west because of the embarrassment.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 09:42
|
|
|
In Narnia the lion talks but in real life lions can't talk.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 09:49
|
|
|
There is no red dog as big or as red as Clifford supposedly do.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 09:51
|
|
|
In Dr Dolittle he never goes to jail for putting his finger in that one porpoises pussy even though in his state that's super illegal and the Scotty Dog in the room at the time was a police dog.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 09:52
|
|
|
Children can't read or imagine so the real ridiculous part is that adults buy these books all the time because they were duped. In the 1990s this got out so they renamed most of the children's section to be the Fantasy and Science Fiction section. Now you know.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 09:56
|
|
|
In the bible, the protagonist comes back from the dead, which is totally unrealistic. Also after being braindead for almost 3 days hed be seriously retarded even if he could do that.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 10:04
|
|
|
You cannot see spot run. It is a still picture, crudely drawn. For all you can tell spot is standing still, possibly he is dead.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 10:05
|
|
|
Yolomon Wayne posted:In the bible, the protagonist comes back from the dead, which is totally unrealistic. Fool, it is using the literary technique of the unreliable narrator, you buffoon.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 10:07
|
|
|
Vaginal Vagrant posted:Fool, it is using the literary technique of the unreliable narrator, you buffoon. how would a child understand this? a child would picture a zombie in a nightshirt
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 10:08
|
|
|
If the animorph kids really morphed into animals their brains would also morph into animal brains and then they would just go about their lives as those animals
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 10:12
|
|
|
Yolomon Wayne posted:how would a child understand this? Maybe a child as dumb as you! Most kids figure out adults are full of poo poo at a young age.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 10:20
|
|
|
In Harry Potter the bankers are hook nosed goblins with an obsession for gold and secrecy... talk about yikes!
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 10:44
|
|
|
 this book has a short story about a village that gets eaten by a giant dragon. but the people aren't having that poo poo so they kill it by going down to its tail and pulling it inside out through the mouth
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 10:56
|
|
|
Alexander had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day because he's an rear end in a top hat who chews gum in bed. The day wouldn't be so bad if he practiced basic hygiene and wasn't a dick to his family and friends. He's a hateful, spiteful piece of poo poo who for some reason is racist against Australians.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 11:38
|
|
|
Sponge Baathist posted:Alexander had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day because he's an rear end in a top hat who chews gum in bed. The day wouldn't be so bad if he practiced basic hygiene and wasn't a dick to his family and friends. He's a hateful, spiteful piece of poo poo who for some reason is racist against Australians. to be fair australians are racist against everyone else
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 11:49
|
|
|
In The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, when Santa shows up out of no where and gives the kids weapons.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 12:41
|
|
|
Icochet posted:In LOTR they should've just used the eagles right away. It was easy for them to slip in and out in the ensuing chaos of Sauron dying, but it wouldn't have been so easy when all the archers are watching the skies. Also the Nazgeul (or however you spell it). Someone once told me the eagles were the messengers of the gods, and this was all a test for humanity or something, so maybe it's that too. I don't remember any children's books to contribute anything ridiculous though.  Now children's shows on the other hand...
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 13:16
|
|
|
Drunk Nerds posted:
Of course.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 13:30
|
|
|
I seem to remember an awful lot of cases would've been solved in chapter 1 if it wasn't for a mud/snow-covered license plate.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 13:44
|
|
|
as anyone made a "speaking of childrens books... the bible/torah/qu'ran doesn't make a lot of sense" joke yet?
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 13:48
|
|
|
I like the Venture Bros version of the Hardy Boys where they got sick of their father's poo poo and murdered him for his fortune.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 14:41
|
|
|
That one really creepy children’s book where the mom crawls into her sons room like a freak animal in the night so she can grope him and it literally ends with her climbing a ladder through his window as an adult so she can keep doing it
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 14:44
|
|
|
AvesPKS posted:I seem to remember an awful lot of cases would've been solved in chapter 1 if it wasn't for a mud/snow-covered license plate. <sound of window shattering> That was my mind after reading this
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 15:11
|
|
|
Aesop Poprock posted:That one really creepy children’s book where the mom crawls into her sons room like a freak animal in the night so she can grope him and it literally ends with her climbing a ladder through his window as an adult so she can keep doing it 
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 15:19
|
|
|
Aesop Poprock posted:That one really creepy children’s book where the mom crawls into her sons room like a freak animal in the night so she can grope him and it literally ends with her climbing a ladder through his window as an adult so she can keep doing it Actually it ends with him getting his revenge and sneaking into her hospice room and holding her cancer ridden body
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 15:20
|
|
|
I'm pretty sure the Skin Horse wasn't actually real.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 15:20
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 15:32
|
|
|
Where the Wild Things Are is a story about a psychopath whose only wish is to be surrounded by people he can violently intimidate into having fun on his terms, and ridiculous part is how he managed to make it to his room on page three without welts.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 15:46
|
|
|
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 17:12
|
|
|
quote:Hickety, pickety, my black hen,  i do not like the implication of this at all
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 17:18
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 16, 2024 14:19 |
|
|
- Amelia Bediallia was a screed on how burdensome those with disabilities can be to the world around them - Bartholowmew Cubbins!? Pfft! Too many hats!! - How could you, in good faith, "give a mouse a cookie" and expect that to be the last of it? They take and live without couth - this is why we regard them as pests.
|
|
#
?
Nov 8, 2018 17:30
|
|
