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Sci fi? This poll is closed. |
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| No sci-fi! |
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4 | 5.06% |
| It's too easy |
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11 | 13.92% |
| Do not, under any circumstance, post ridiculous sex stuff from sci fi! |
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17 | 21.52% |
| Okay, you can post weird sex stuff from sci fi, well-played! |
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47 | 59.49% |
| Total: | 79 votes | ||
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Children how many times have I told you that Mister Magnolia is a hoarder and his house is filthy. You are not to visit him, nor do I want you enabling him by bringing him more unused garbage. That boot doesn't even fit him, he's going to get bunions and become even more of a shutin just please leave the man be.
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Nov 8, 2018 17:44
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| # ? May 16, 2024 07:19 |
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In the Sneetches when the star bellied sneetches have their stars removed because the lower class non star-bellied sneetches try to impersonate the wealthy elites. In the Wizard of Oz when Dororthy would rather live in Kansas than be a princess in a fairyland.
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Nov 8, 2018 17:45
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beverly cleary is still alive and she is 102 holy poo poo
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Nov 8, 2018 18:12
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flakeloaf posted:Where the Wild Things Are is a story about a psychopath whose only wish is to be surrounded by people he can violently intimidate into having fun on his terms, and ridiculous part is how he managed to make it to his room on page three without welts. So basically he's a kid.
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Nov 8, 2018 18:20
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It's not possible for it to rain meatballs
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Nov 8, 2018 18:36
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Creamed Cormp posted:In Harry Potter the bankers are hook nosed goblins with an obsession for gold and secrecy... talk about yikes!
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Nov 8, 2018 18:41
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His fat cousin Dudley blubbered up to the food trough fatfully, and greedily devoured all of the food in the entire house, shoveling it into his piggy fat mouth, because that's all fat people are good for and they can't help but be fat and useless, and also they're stupid. Fatty piggy fat fat. There is actually such a thing as a tesseract, you giant square.
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Nov 8, 2018 18:47
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flakeloaf posted:There is actually such a thing as a tesseract, you giant square. One part gin One part limoncello Soju to taste
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Nov 8, 2018 19:09
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raton posted:Children can't read or imagine so the real ridiculous part is that adults buy these books all the time because they were duped. In the 1990s this got out so they renamed most of the children's section to be the Fantasy and Science Fiction section. Now you know. Owned
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Nov 8, 2018 19:11
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The White Dragon posted:
Should have started at his scrotum, then they’d really be dragon some balls around.
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Nov 8, 2018 19:17
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Carl Seitan posted:In The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, when Santa shows up out of no where and gives the kids weapons. Thank you for reminding me of this. Santa rules and can Greater Planeshift at will
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Nov 8, 2018 19:23
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Rutibex posted:Thank you for reminding me of this. Santa rules and can Greater Planeshift at will wait is this real? I don't remember that at all.
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Nov 8, 2018 19:29
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Carl Seitan posted:In The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, when Santa shows up out of no where and gives the kids weapons. That part owned. Also I guess the lion was supposed to be jesus or whatever but the part where he dies was super hosed up
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Nov 8, 2018 19:47
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theres lots of good stuff in Roald Dahl books but they are always quite deliberately ridiculous. I always loved the description of the doctor cutting out his tonsils without anesthetic in Boy. Also, the eagles didn't fly to mordor because they would have gotten hosed up by dragons and poo poo, they could only get that close to mount doom because the eye was dead. Jeez.
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Nov 8, 2018 19:55
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I thought the excuse was the eagles and other stuff would be tempted by the ring.
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Nov 8, 2018 19:58
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Painful Dart Bomb posted:Also I guess the lion was supposed to be jesus or whatever but the part where he dies was super hosed up Yeah the strapping-him-to-a-stone-tableau-and-knifing-him-to-death seriously messed me up as a kid. The good news is, I can omit that part when telling the story to my kids, and it also removes the totally forced Jesus-is-zombie-magic metaphor.
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Nov 8, 2018 20:12
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The Walrus posted:theres lots of good stuff in Roald Dahl books but they are always quite deliberately ridiculous. I always loved the description of the doctor cutting out his tonsils without anesthetic in Boy. Is that the one where he gets snipped in the back of the throat and then his bloody tonsils and lymphy adnoids pour out of his open mouth into a surgical pan resting on his chest?
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Nov 8, 2018 20:15
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Drunk Nerds posted:Yeah the strapping-him-to-a-stone-tableau-and-knifing-him-to-death seriously messed me up as a kid. Coward.
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Nov 8, 2018 20:15
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quote:That when she got home she went to bed, what the gently caress, shel?
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Nov 8, 2018 20:18
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flakeloaf posted:what the gently caress, shel? shel rules check out the ABZ Book
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Nov 8, 2018 20:24
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In Charlie and the chocolate factory, Willie Wonka keeps black slaves.
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Nov 8, 2018 20:26
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The Walrus posted:theres lots of good stuff in Roald Dahl books but they are always quite deliberately ridiculous. I always loved the description of the doctor cutting out his tonsils without anesthetic in Boy. roald dahl has a great line about people with beards in The Twits Vaginal Vagrant posted:In Charlie and the chocolate factory, Willie Wonka keeps black slaves. only in the first edition
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Nov 8, 2018 20:39
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flakeloaf posted:what the gently caress, shel? It's 2018 and somehow you still don't understand that ponies are serious business for some people
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Nov 8, 2018 20:46
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I'm amazed nobody mentioned the Walrus and the Carpenter. That's a pedo pied piper.
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Nov 8, 2018 21:46
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The White Dragon posted:
Holy gently caress I remember this suddenly. The dragon is totally hollow inside and at the bottom of the tail is like a bone with a hole, so they hook a rope onto it and the entire town pulls on the rope until they walk out through the dragon's mouth dragging his loving insides out with them It gave me nightmares. What a hosed up way to kill something
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Nov 8, 2018 22:05
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curlys gold posted:shel rules   
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Nov 8, 2018 22:07
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Painful Dart Bomb posted:That part owned. In the final Narnia book everyone dies in a train crash and goes to heaven/Aslans country. Apart from Susan, because she liked parties and wearing makeup too much. The last Narnia book was not subtle.
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Nov 8, 2018 22:19
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Hermoine said the n word at least once a book and no one called her for that bullshit
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Nov 8, 2018 23:18
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Drunk Nerds posted:The good news is, I can omit that part when telling the story to my kids Don't do that you goddamn puss
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Nov 9, 2018 00:42
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In Edward Eager's Half Magic, a group of siblings find a magic medallion that grants half of a wish - the children wish to be on a desert island and end up in a desert, their mother wishes she was home while visiting boring relatives and teleports to the midpoint between the relatives' house and her own house - that sort of thing. The kids eventually figure out how to get what they want by doubling their wishes, and go on adventures. It's a cute, E. Nesbit-style book...mostly. In the desert, the kids encounter the character of "Achmed the Arab," who not only wears a "crafty, and definitely unattractive" expression, but tries to hold them for ransom. They escape, but realize he only tried to kidnap them because he was so poor. They wish him "twice as much as he deserves of whatever it is that he would wish for with this charm!" Achmed's three mangy camels are replaced by five healthy ones carrying bulging packs, and "A plump Arab lady appeared suddenly at Achmed's side, leading six plump Arab children by the hand. She smiled coyly at Achmed."
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Nov 9, 2018 00:43
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a glitch posted:In the final Narnia book everyone dies in a train crash and goes to heaven/Aslans country. Would you rather visit Aslans country or the back of Susans throat? I wanna go to Aslans country 
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Nov 9, 2018 00:44
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Dawn Treader book rules and I'd kill all my friends and half my family if I could do it for real
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Nov 9, 2018 00:45
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a glitch posted:In the final Narnia book everyone dies in a train crash and goes to heaven/Aslans country. I think it was a bus It’s weird because I loved the Narnia books a lot as a kid but I pretty much only remember the first and last books now and usually I remember that poo poo. Like I remembered how much I hated the end of Stuart Little and recently I found my childhood copy of it and threw it in my fireplace because gently caress that weak rear end “I don’t feel like actually finishing a book” poo poo
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Nov 9, 2018 00:49
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Oh you wanted Stuart to actually find his bird friend? Sorry we spent half the book dedicated to it but we only paid for so many pages so we’re just fading to black while he’s traveling out of nowhere and there won’t be any closure thanks for reading
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Nov 9, 2018 00:53
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Narnia series sucks and my kids will never know it existed. Eat my rear end Aslan
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Nov 9, 2018 00:55
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flakeloaf posted:what the gently caress, shel? In the laid back California town of sunny San Rafael Lived a girl named Pearly Sweetcake, you prob’ly knew her well. She’d been stoned fifteen of her eighteen years and the story was widely told That she could smoke 'em faster than anyone could roll. Her legend finally reached New York, that Grove Street walk up flat Where dwelt The Calistoga Kid, a beatnik from the past With long browned lightnin’ fingers he takes a cultured toke And says, "Hell, I can roll em faster, Jim, than any chick can smoke!" So a note gets sent to San Rafael, "For the Championship of the World The Kid demands a smoke off!" "Well, bring him on!" says Pearl, "I'll grind his fingers off his hands, he'll roll until he drops!" Says Calistog, "I'll smoke that twist till she blows up and pops!" So they rent out Yankee Stadium and the word is quickly spread "Come one, come all, who walk or crawl, price Just two lids a head And from every town and hamlet, over land and sea they speed The world's greatest dopers, with the Worlds greatest weed Hashishers from Morocco, hemp smokers from Peru And the Shamnicks from Bagun who puff the deadly Pugaroo And those who call it Light of Life and those that call it boo. See the dealers and their ladies wearing turquoise, lace, and leather See the narcos and the closet smokers puffin’ all together From the teenies who smoke legal to the ones who've done some time To the old man who smoked "reefer" back before it was a crime And the grand old house that Ruth built is filled with the smoke and cries Of fifty thousand screaming heads all stoned out of their minds. And they play the national anthem and the crowd lets out a roar As the spotlight hits The Kid and Pearl, ready for their smokin' war At a table piled up high with grass, as high as a mountain peak Just tops and buds of the rarest flowers, not one stem, branch or seed. Maui Wowie, Panama Red and Acapulco Gold. Kif from East Afghanistan and rare Alaskan Cold. Sticks from Thailand, Ganja from the Islands, and Bangkok's Bloomin' Best. And some of that wet imported poo poo that capsized off Key West. Oaxacan tops and Kenya Bhang and Riviera Fleurs. And that rare Manhatten Silver that grows down in the New York sewers. And there's bubblin’ ice cold lemonade and sweet grapes by the bunches. And there's Hershey’s bars, and Oreos, case anybody gets the munchies. And the Calistoga Kid, he sneers, and Pearly, she just grins. And the drums roll low and the crowd yells "GO!" and the world’s first Smoke Off begins. Kid flicks his magic fingers once and ZAP! that first joint’s rolled. Pearl takes one drag with her mighty lungs and WOOSH! that roach is cold. Then The Kid he rolls his Super Bomb that’d paralyze a moose. And Pearley takes one super hit and SLURP! that bomb’ defused. Then he rolls three in just ten seconds and she smokes 'em up in nine, And everybody sits back and says, "This just might take some time." See the blur of flyin’ fingers, see the red coal burnin’ bright As the night turns into mornin’ and the mornin’ fades to night And the autumn turns to summer and a whole drat year is gone But the two still sit on that roach filled stage, smokin' and rollin' on With tremblin’ hands he rolls his jays with fingers blue and stiff She coughs and stares with bloodshot gaze, and puffs through blistered lips. And as she reaches out her hand for another stick of gold The Kid he gasps, "Goddamn it, bitch, there's nothin' left to roll!" "Nothin’ left to roll?", screams Pearl, "Is this some twisted joke?" "I didn't come here to gently caress around, man, I come here to SMOKE!" And she reaches 'cross the table And grabs his bony sleeves And she crumbles his body between her hands like dried and brittle leaves Flickin' out his teeth and bones like useless stems and seeds And then she rolls him in a Zig Zag and lights him like a roach. And the fastest man with the fastest hands goes up in a puff of smoke. In the laid back California town of sunny San Rafael Lives a girl named Pearly Sweetcake, you prob’ly know her well. She’s been stoned twenty one of her twenty four years, and the story’s widely told. How she still can smoke them faster than anyone can roll While off in New York City on a street that has no name. There's the hands of the Calistoga Kid in the Viper Hall of Fame And underneath his fingers there's a little golden scroll That says, Beware of Bein’ the Roller When There's Nothin’ Left to Roll. Fur20 fucked around with this message at 01:04 on Nov 9, 2018 |
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Nov 9, 2018 00:59
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fist4jesus posted:I thought the excuse was the eagles and other stuff would be tempted by the ring.
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Nov 9, 2018 01:00
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Pththya-lyi posted:In Edward Eager's Half Magic, a group of siblings find a magic medallion that grants half of a wish - the children wish to be on a desert island and end up in a desert, their mother wishes she was home while visiting boring relatives and teleports to the midpoint between the relatives' house and her own house - that sort of thing. The kids eventually figure out how to get what they want by doubling their wishes, and go on adventures. It's a cute, E. Nesbit-style book...mostly. Dirty Achmed knows what is best in life
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Nov 9, 2018 01:00
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FactsAreUseless posted:It's only a plot hole if you're the kind of idiot who thinks everything in a story has to be some sort of explicit truth. If you take two seconds to think about the series' themes it's obvious that the eagles can't carry the ring for the same reason Tom Bombadil can't, or Gandalf, or Legolas. *tries to resist LoTR arguments that have existed for like 50 years, can’t* Frodo could have flown on the eagles though...
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Nov 9, 2018 01:02
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| # ? May 16, 2024 07:19 |
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Aesop Poprock posted:I think it was a bus It was a train
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Nov 9, 2018 01:03
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