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James looked upon the blinding lights of the city in front of him. He suddenly realized that those weren't artificial lights, that was just the sunlight glistening off of the golden surface of every building. It was beautiful, the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. It was so close now, he needed only to cross the river to reach Abadaba, the city of gold. "Wait a minute, Master James!" The voice inside his head was loud. Ever since he had soul-bonded with the prototype artificial intelligence known as B.U.D.D.Y. he had changed so much. He had outgrown the small town of Doodleburg and ventured out into the wide world. Yes, B.U.D.D.Y. was aptly named indeed. "Master James, it would appear that the Dinomorphs have already beaten us here. Might I suggest a different course of action? Perhaps we head to the Witch City and recruit the Witch Princess to our cause?" "Nay, B.U.D.D.Y, the Witch Princess and I have unfinished business. Perhaps one day she'll realize her feelings for me, but for now she's content to bury her face in a spellbook and hang out with a bunch of ogres. No, we must press on! With the gleaming blade of Infinity we're bound to fight off the Dinomorphs!" "Bzzzzt, understood, sir. Calculating odds of survival at 35%." "Hey B.U.D.D.Y.? Never tell me the odds." James charged heroically forward, swinging the magical blade of Infinity. He knew that many Dinomorphs would be slain that day, and that perhaps word of the battle would reach Witch City. The Princess was bound to realize how great he was and finally admit that she loved him, for he wasn't like those other jerks in the Western Lands. Content just to play Floogleball and race around on their chariots, never understanding the beauty of the world like James did.
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Dec 17, 2018 18:34
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| # ? May 16, 2024 21:21 |
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Yes hello, I am a wealthy producer of films and would like to turn your story about the... things, into a 200 million dollar movie with five planned sequels that will never get made after the first one bombs. said John Trainwrecker the dashing movie producer from Hollywood, who despite his young age and handsome looks had made a small fortune producing the movie "Balls! Hell invades". OP clenched his fist and tried not to instantly fall in love with him. "I refuse your offer!" he said, "These books will be the greatest series of young adult fiction in the world!" He stormed out of the office, John Trainwrecker laughing loudly behind him. "You're a fool, OP, a damned fool!"
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Dec 17, 2018 18:46
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Karl looked deeply into Anne's eyes. He felt a stirring that reminded him of the time he was on a rollercoaster when he was 11 years old and still tender. The straps holding him down were loose and he came off the seat a bit when the coaster went flying over a hill. The memory was strong and forceful and his head swam with the deep feelings that only a fully grown and experienced young adult of 19 and a half years old can ever understand. "Anne..." He hesitated slightly. "Anne", he said more forcefully. "Yes, Karl?", Anne queried, hoping he would continue to speak. Her lips parted slightly as she felt it was time to hear deep, possibly painful, yet soulful truths come from him about her, the past, present, and future, and all the cool things to come to beautiful young people that they ultimately deserve just for being born. He spoke with an inner certainty. "...I'm going to barf."
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Dec 17, 2018 19:31
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Annie Dark sat in homeroom, staring out the window, watching the rain droplets slide down the windows. They were beautiful, truly, and she began to reflect on the beautiful men in her life. Tommy Goodbough. Strong and confident. A farmboy at heart, he dreamed of one day owning his father's cattle farm and becoming the Dairy King of Nebraska. He was Annie's first boyfriend, way back in elementary school. They'd danced together at the square dance and kissed, more out of curiosity than anything else. But she reflected on those summers hanging out together, she following him around as he lifted haybales and milked cows. He had shown her the simple joys in life, like watching a sunrise or catching fireflies. Then there was Orvax, Prince of the Cat's Eye Nebula.
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Dec 17, 2018 19:38
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Tiger jumped on his skateboard as he headed to Skate City. He hoped Tommy wasn't there because Tommy was a scag. Scags suck.
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Dec 17, 2018 20:09
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Maxx hit the timer, exhaled deeply, stood, and unhurriedly made his way for the door. The waiting was nearly over. In 14 minutes and 36 seconds, the bullies would at last answer for their crimes.
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Dec 17, 2018 20:19
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It all seemed so surreal, even now. But it was all true. I was the chosen hero of the hidden society of Wizards that controlled the world. All of my awkward years growing up had merely been my body manifesting its magic powers. I could feel the magic flowing through me, I could finally control it. Mitch Bevvers was going to pay. All of the swirlies, the wedgies, and the jokes about the size of my penis were going to come back to him a thousandfold. This was what the Elder of Katack had decreed, that all who stood against the Chosen One would fall.
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Dec 17, 2018 20:29
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Neutrino posted:Tiger jumped on his skateboard as he headed to Skate City. He hoped Tommy wasn't there because Tommy was a scag. Scags suck. I unironically want to read the rest of this.
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Dec 17, 2018 20:31
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Zwyxxlbrzz moaned at the sight of his enormous hu-manhood, slowly engulfing the throbbing head with her main mouth, the other two
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Dec 17, 2018 20:41
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It felt like no sooner than my head hit the pillow that my alarm went off. 1600. gently caress. Still, I was one of the lucky ones. Most people had started work during the day, which was lovely thanks to global warming. You might have to work in 120 degree heat, maybe 140 if you were especially unlucky. However, that was one of benefits of being a LyberEats driver. Those people that work during the day eat dinner at night, and that's when people like me start to work.
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Dec 17, 2018 20:51
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"Zanna, are you sure this is okay?" Jaxon asked trepidatiously. He trembled as he stood before her, unsure whether the load he bore would please her. "Yes, that's fine," she replied, giving Jaxon a sidelong glance. "Just put the printer down on the table. I still don't understand why you carried it all this way."
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Dec 17, 2018 20:53
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhsMLxMByyA
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Dec 17, 2018 20:54
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"You're so cute I could just eat you up," said my hot vampire boyfriend, Stefano -- a name that was just exotic enough without being black or anything. I could feel myself blushing at his words, thrilled not just with the appreciation he was giving me (me! plain-Jane mousy old Meredith who had only four would-be-lovers vying for her attention at school!) but also with the real danger that he would actually do it: that he would eat me up. For he subsists on warm, living blood and gorges on it nightly until he is bloated and ruddy, replete unto bursting like a great leech. It's super hot, and knowing he could bite my throat out makes it even hotter--like having sex without a condom, which is the only way to go. "When will he take it to the next level," I wondered idly, "and drag me down into his loathsome grave?"
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Dec 17, 2018 21:06
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I charged my laser rifle to maximum damage output and walked confidently forward. The Machine Wars had ravaged Earth and left the human population under 10,000. We had been content to live underground while the machines ruled the overworld. But they were beginning to hunt us survivors down, and it was finally time to fight back. We had travelled across the desert to reach Robot High Command, a massive cube in the middle of Las Vegas. I had been told that Las Vegas was once a tourist destination, a city of lights. Now, it was merely a city of death. Human death. And there were some dead dogs and stuff, too. The robots killed everyone, they had no prejudices. Unlike man, who had reached this point and started this war through his hatred and greed. I suddenly began to reflect on what I was fighting for. Was mankind worth saving? Perhaps the robots deserved the Earth? But then I thought back to my girlfriend back at the underground bunker. That's what I was fighting for. We could start a new world together, once we fixed this one. Yes, my beautiful girlfriend Eve. "Hey Adam, get you head outta the clouds!", roared my commanding officer.
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Dec 18, 2018 16:00
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I sat down in the pilots chair of the MIllennium falcon from the hit 80s movie STAR WARS. My co-pilot? Captain Picard from STAR TREK. He looked in my direction, winked and said "make it so!" I engaged the warp drive and seconds later we entered the ANDROMEDA GALAXY. This time the Reapers will pay!
hemale in pain fucked around with this message at 16:13 on Dec 18, 2018 |
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Dec 18, 2018 16:11
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Star Wars, but the spaceships are all replaced with dragons and Darth Vader is a thinly-veiled caricature of my high school's vice principal.
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Dec 18, 2018 16:41
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For as long as I can remember I've been a part of Crookshank's crew. Ol' Crook says he found me in a gutter which is just fine by me. Our crew holes up in Scamp's Row and mostly gets by on whatever we can beg, borrow or steal. That last part is my specialty. My name is Tid and I'm the best pickpocket in the Imperial City.
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Dec 18, 2018 16:54
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I would read and love all of these
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Dec 18, 2018 17:47
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"Goodbye, Fenrick, I love you!" As the last of the Dragons flew into the sky, Julian's eyes filled with tears. This had been an adventure for the ages, and thankfully, he had taken copious notes throughout the entire experience. Yes, one day he would write a book about this, one that would capture the imaginations of millions. Suddenly, Fenrick turned in the air and began flying back towards Julian. He landed before him and dug his claws into the ground, as if to say "I'm not ready to go, not quite yet." "My old friend, I suppose there are still journeys for us both. The Ice Caverns of Nul, the Lost Continent, and the Magic Library!" Fenrick let out a small roar and nuzzled his nose into Julian's chest. "Yes, yes, of course we'll make a visit to the Dragon Nests to pay tribute to your ancestors!" The two friends headed off into the unknown. Julian reached into his satchel and felt for his journal. It was almost filled. Good thing, then, that he had 5 additional journals next to it. And 2 small books to catalogue the various mystical creatures he met. And he would have to send a letter to his artist friend, Franzolio the Blue, to see about illustrating a series of books based on his journals. Yes, there were many exciting adventures to be had, each more thrilling and exciting than the last!
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Dec 18, 2018 18:28
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"Hello!" Frank bellowed lazily.
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Dec 18, 2018 19:16
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Excerpt from "Swamp Sausage in the Moonlight" "Hey Goosey." I knelt in front of Lucy's coffin. Her face looked super alive now that she was dead from all that cancer, ironically enough. She didn't reply, because she was dead from cancer. "Y'know Goose," I was sobbing now, "even though you had so much cancer, you were the livingest person I ever met; and you taught me to live too, to live every day like you have cancer." Mr. Peterson--Lucy's dad--started weeping hysterically and everyone was paying attention to him. Now was my chance to say hello and goodbye for the first and last times. I took off my own cancer-wig and bent down to the open coffin. I gave Lucy a big wet sloppy kiss. My first time kissing a girl. Imagine my tongue's surprise to discover the mortician had sewed her lips shut with wire! The End
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Dec 18, 2018 19:31
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The moon was full and my switchblade was open. I stood in a wide stance and stared at the group of boys at the other end of the alley. My boys stood just behind me; Jake, Mikey and Skins. Jake and Mikey were brothers but you wouldn't know by looking at them. Skins got his nickname because he never wore a shirt. But tonight the whole crew was decked out in leather jackets for protection against the business end of a blade or chain. I touched the tip of my switchblade to my finger and called out to the boys at the end of the alley "You scaredy cats ready to dance?" The boys didn't answer back. There were 4 of them too, all dressed in their leathers and ready for a rumble. To an outsider we'd probably have looked nearly identical. But there was one major difference that an outsider would never notice: they were Greebos and we were Switchbacks. And a Greebo and a Switchback could never get along.
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Dec 18, 2018 19:58
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"It's funny, I suppose, that you don't truly value your life until it's over. I'm dying, my friend. I've been hit by a blast of Necromagic, it's eating me from the inside out. You probably thought you were smelling the bat guano in these caves, right? No. No that's my body rotting. It's bad now, I think I only have a few days left before I die. And it's gonna be painful, I can already tell. I've been hacking up some clotted black liquid that I think is my blood, and I can feel things rotting off inside of me and dropping into my abdomen." "No, we're almost to Professor Garnagle! He'll know what to do, or he can get us in touch with a White Wizard to heal you!" Professor Garnagle, the man from Another World. He claimed to be from an alternate universe, one of science and not of magic like our own. We had come so close to his cabin, set far aside on the outskirts of the Frozen Tundra. He was going to share with us the secrets of his world, the secrets we needed to reclaim the Throne of Silence and seal the Dark Gods away for eternity. "No, I need you to put me down. We both know how this will go. I'll die, and then I'll start to change. I know everything about your quest, and the Dread Lords will conscript my corpse into their legion in order to dig that knowledge out of my brain. I'm too much of a threat like this, I won't let my body be turned into a weapon against you." "I understand. You were the best friend a boy knight could ask for. I'll remember you, always, and will fight in your name. May the Gods of your land keep your soul safe as you pass into the next life." I swung my vorpal blade and removed his head, to prevent the cursed Rot from reaching it. Aggis was my dearest friend on this quest, and it pained me to do so. I prepared his body for the traditional funeral of his people - cremation. I burnt the body down to ash, then placed what ashes I could inside a small glass jar, so that I might return them to his homeland, which he loved so much. Suddenly, Professor Garnagle burst through the cave system, wearing some manner of light upon his head. Upon closer look, I could see he had placed dozens of tiny fireflies in a glass jar. He began yelling at me. "What the gently caress did you just do? What in the flying gently caress is going on? You killed him? Oh my God, let me guess, he said he could feel himself rotting? You stupid assholes, you eat everything you find, animals poo poo all over everything, all you loving barbarians all have food poisoning! gently caress me, seriously, what the hell did I do to deserve getting zapped to this dumbshit world. You want to seal up a bunch of Dark Gods and you can't even wipe your rear end and then wash your hands. gently caress it. I'm done. gently caress this. Here you go. It's a loving gun. Shoot this at the Dark Gods. Or better yet, shoot it at me right now, because I'm pretty sick of every stupid adventurer coming to my cabin while I'm trying to jerk off and eat something that doesn't talk, or have 19 eyes, or shoot loving poison at me." "Professor Garnagle, such language! Is that the High Speech of the Ancient Ones?" "gently caress YOU, you stupid rear end in a top hat."
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Dec 18, 2018 20:11
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Mina opened the door, her arms laden with all the silver and priceless heirlooms she could carry. She froze as she saw the High Secretary waiting for her, his eyes a mixture of outrage and panic. “Your highness, what exactly are you doing?” Mina hestitated for a moment, then scowled. “Isn’t obvious? I’m leaving. Stand aside.” “ You cannot leave, you are our Head of State, you are the Princess Regent,” the High Secretary shrieked furiously, “we have only just ended over 50 years of civil war, a war ended by you! The people need you!” Mina sighed, struggling as she was to keep a firm grip on her box of valuables. “My dear Oswald, I don’t give a gently caress. I’ve purchased an old frigate, assembled a crew, and we’re getting the hell out of this here. The realm is yours if you want it. Don’t try to follow me.” And with that, she sashayed out of the Royal Palace, Princess Philomena the Third no more. Captain Mina had seas to sail, adventure to seek, and ships to plunder.
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Dec 18, 2018 20:20
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The endless grey expanse of the Great Ocean gently ebbed and flowed, the changes in tide barely discernible against the beige sand. An orange half-light, radiating from everywhere and nowhere, glittered across the surface of the placid sea water. Suddenly, a faint mote of light appeared in the vast emptiness above, growing in both size and brightness with every passing second. It was a spaceship. It was my spaceship.
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Dec 18, 2018 20:39
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I pulled back the string of my cyber-bow and let fly a cyber-arrow. If flashed through cyberspace and pierced the cyber-heart of the digital-deer. My name is C4tn155 3v3rd33n, and this is how life is in Cyber-District 12 in the OASIS-2. - excerpt from Ready Player Two
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Dec 18, 2018 21:03
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Blorfo stood nearly 9 feet tall. He was the Prince of the Jubbuks, a race of fishmen who stood on two legs. I could see the shine of his scales in the sunlight and smell the somewhat pungent odor of his fishy flesh being exposed to dry land. I had helped him in the Battle of Bulgagix, against the Geomancers. Using my mighty sword and shield I had freed the Jubbuks from their bondage at the hands of the Geomancers, although the mystery still remained as to what the Geomancers were using them for. Blorfo began to gesticulate wildly, the only way he could communicate with me. He began pointing excitedly behind me, which caused me to turn around. I saw something beautiful. No, someone beautiful Blorfo's sister - Blorfa. She was almost as tall as Blorfo, but looked exactly like a human woman with body paint on, there were no fish parts that might make this weird. Her breasts were large and heaved with each breath. There were no nipples, as she was a fish woman, but they were otherwise just like human breasts. I watched a drop of water slide down her left side, it was like watching a drop of paint on a beautiful sculpted statue of breasts. The rest of her was great, too, and I must admit I felt a stirring in my loins. Blorfo patted me on the shoulder, then began to point at the gem I wore on my belt. Of course! The translation runes! Anyone who wore this necklace would be able to speak and understand any language. I had only taken it off because I was tired of hearing the constant curses pelted at me by the Geomancers. I placed it around my neck and watched Blorfa's mouth begin to move. Beautiful lips pursed, so beautiful they drew my eyes away from the bountiful breasts which moved with every movement of her lungs. "Hello my Lord, would thou like to lay with me?" I thought of the many beautiful women I had met on this journey. Gilgish, the Princess of the Amazons, with her strong frame and powerful breasts. Xu, the mermaid queen, clad only in 2 seashells which barely covered the large nipples upon her mighty bosom. And Clara, an ordinary human girl I had saved from the Slavers of Qaal. When I met her she was in the nude, and I spied her beautiful body and heaving breasts. I had loved them all, in a way, and who was I to deny Blorfa the same night of passion?
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Dec 18, 2018 21:26
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Bogus Adventure posted:"Zanna, are you sure this is okay?" Jaxon asked trepidatiously. He trembled as he stood before her, unsure whether the load he bore would please her. I would read your full-length novel.
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Dec 18, 2018 22:13
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Braedwin Kroffs was distracted as he drove through the shantytown his Tesycle, forgetting to adjust the volume controls. It had been modified by the young man after he scavenged it from a recycler drone 3 years earlier to give it variable simulated audio exhaust. One minute, it could be as whisper-quiet as St. Elon has intended, but with a tap on his smartdash he could have it sounding like a 1987 Yamaha dirtbike, a 1972 Honda scooter, a 2010 Harley, or sometimes for laughs he'd make it sound like anything from chirping birds to screeching vultures, raindrops to a thunderstorm, wind chimes to church bells, all depending on his speed. But here in Donatown, there was no chirping birds, no raindrops, no wind chimes. Nothing so gentle as that. Donatown was run by the Orbue gangs, the Magist, the Concers and the other Redred factions that had broken off from the the rest of civilized society. Braedwin debated to himself if the intimidation of the Harley or stealth of dead silence would better serve him here. Discretely, he flipped a magnetic patch on the side of the bike, this side now showing a block of stripes indicating solidarity the largest variety of Redred factions core principles and beliefs. The bike might raise suspicions, but bragging about how the modified sound system offended the Weaks up in the big city, selling himself as a self-made scavenger, that might offer some protection. He consciously reminded himself to make sure he put a pin on his jacket before venturing too far from his bike as his GPS rung a notice of arrival. The pin was contraband in some big cities, where possession of such a trinket could result in arrest and nulling, but here it was key to looking like he could pass. The Golden Grand towered before him. A glorious looking hotel, even if it was among the filth and wreckage. That WAS the place he was informed to come to for more information on the location of his friends of the underground. He'd heard people discuss it. A city within a city. The point-one-percent place. Even approaching it this closely without proper identification or permission gave the staff what was once called 'castle doctrine' rights. It was very well maintained on the outside while its interior was obscured by security. Humans, AIs and even remote drones that his pertaba was already recording the frequencies of as he got in range, stood near every window and entrance. No way his compatriots would be in such a place, but this is where his information had lead him. He hesitated to step to further to an ever more dangerous safety checkerboard on the ground. The intensity indicated the level of potential threat that could be expected or tolerated before he might expect getting gunned down. His pertaba buzzed a message to his otica, tickling his ear. "Mr. Kroffs. Stand still and raise your hands slowly. I've instructed security to approach you at your current location. Make no moves. They will search you and escort you to the interior. Resist in any way, you will be dealt with in a most messy fashion, I assure you." "Who are you?" "The... person who is keeping you from joining the red-stained ring that outlines the safety zone. I must apologize, though, 'Mr. Bruise' tends to be a little rough. His programming can't tell a 300lb man from a 130lb teenager..." At that moment, the AI beast slammed into him with the weight of a refrigerator. It would have knocked him to the ground if it hadn't already seized his wrists. Repeated, a preprogrammed 'do not resist' message rang out of his speakers as 8 of its arms punched and probed for weapons and tech. The robot was living up to his name. He pulled the pertaba from Braedwin's pocket and sealed it in a faraday cage in it's chest before straightening the young man up and pressing a single metal arm into the back of the boy's spine just below the shoulders. "You will lead, GUEST. I will instruct you on your directions. If you deviate from instructions, potentially deadly force will be used to restrain you from further movement." "What had I gotten myself into?" I thought to myself. JediTalentAgent fucked around with this message at 23:02 on Dec 18, 2018 |
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Dec 18, 2018 22:58
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Dog Kisser posted:I would read and love all of these
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Dec 19, 2018 16:49
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"At long last, after 500 years of slumber, I have been awakened! Thank you child, for I am sure the journey was not easy! In exchange, I shall grant you any one wish within my power!" Thomas thought deeply for a moment. He reflected on all he had lost on the quest to awaken the Giga Genie. He had seen the village of Kolo burnt to the ground by the Mad General. The mountains of El had been forever changed by the battle between Chaos and Order Dragons. And of course, his best friend had been lost. Perripen, who Thomas had known since they were both small children. Perripen had believed in Thomas' strength and wisdom at all times, even when Thomas had not. And Perripen had sacrificed his life for this cause, throwing himself onto the Techomancer's Atom Splitter and absorbing the blast before it could start a chain reaction and destroy the continent. Yes, the choice was obvious. "Great Giga Genie! I have my wish!" "Oh child, I have experienced much across the Universes and have lived a long time. And I believe you may be the bravest and most selfless being I have ever met. I have looked back at your journey and saw all that you sacrificed, and I --" Thomas interrupted him, unable to wait much longer. "MAKE ME IMMORTAL SO THAT I MAY RULE THIS WORLD AND RESHAPE IT IN MY IMAGE! FOREVER SHALL I REIGN, AND FOREVER SHALL I DO AS I PLEASE!"
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Dec 19, 2018 17:16
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My name doesn't matter. The city I live in, Hyskule, is the last of its kind on Earth, which has been ravaged by climate change, which was wrought by the Old Ones, who dared to traverse the stars, which for them layed just out of reach but for us remaining humans couldn't be farther. Supposedly this city is a beacon on a hill for all mankind. But actually, it is a prison. Circumscribed by a wall of stone, the city protects its citizens from the harsh wasteland outside, known as the Null Zone, in which the Brown Ones and other monstrous beasts roam and to keep order, the High Council was established and they divided the citizenry into two classes at birth: the Populari and the Nerdish and while the Populari live in decadence and splendor and gently caress all the time, the Nerdish are gross subhumans who scrounge for scraps in the filth and I'm one of them. However, I have a hot girlfriend who pause transcription Alexa buy hot pockets. no gently caress Alexa buy. hot. pockets. Alexa buy broccoli and cheddar hot pockets twelve count gently caress nevermind anyway uh resume transcription. I have a hot girlfriend who is secretly a Populari. And she told me that "The only way we can be together is if you serve in the Reclamation and ascend to Populari status." The Reclamation being a warrior conscription group put together by the Hyskule President, the stated goal of which is to reclaim the wasteland for agriculture. My name is Fredly Bimples, but my name doesn't matter. I will voyage to the Wild Zone wait gently caress delete sentence I will voyage to the Null Zone and reclaim the land for the city. Not out of duty or love for my kingdom, but because then I will finally be allowed to gently caress my hot popular e-girlfriend. And then... ...I will overthrow the aristocracy, and cast them into the filth which I know all too well.
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Dec 19, 2018 19:39
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"You must be mistaken! My name's not Stewart Richar! My name's Wart Crocker. My father was a crumbcollecter down in Sizzletown before the fires! My mum was a window dancer down at the Lavery Revue!" "Wart? WART Crocker?! That's the name the orphanarium gave you when I passed them off to you! I told them to call you Stewart, young master!" "Wart is short of Stewart, sir..." "Don't call me 'sir', young master, it's degrading to your station. Now, remove those dung covered gloves and straighten yourself out! We're off to go!" "Go where, sir." "To The City, Master Stewart." "What city?" "THE CITY! THE GOLDEN CITY, SIR!" "But only nobles and their servants are allowed to be there. Am I being hired as a servant to the royal farms?! The Dungery?" "No... You're real name is... You're the true blooded heir to the old King Sevar Richar... You're name is Prince Stewart Richar, rightful heir to his kingdom and lands! But we're running out of time, young master! If you don't arrive and take the throne by your 18th birthday, your uncle, Count Lufair will seize power!" "But that's only 9 months away!" "Aye, sir. Sorry about that. My imprisonment lasted a few years longer than I had anticipated. I had expected to escape custody at least 3 years ago, got a bit held back." "You're an escaped convict!?" "On a technical level, sir. One I hope you'll remedy when you take the throne. King's pardon and all that, sir. Now, time to go off and find the three royal sigils that will prove your legit right to lead. I have to train you on the finer points of swordplay. Decorum. Oh, this is going to be quite a hectic new few months, sir!"
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Dec 19, 2018 20:28
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Excerpt from The Sigil of Pa'nera Admiral Deathwatch swooshed his big Dracula cape and raised the Sigil in triumph. "Too late! Too late by far, Magihaukar!" He barked like a junkyard hound howlin' at the August moon. Prinxlady Dave could only watch in horror as the constricto-collar tightened around xim's neck most sexily. "Now, at long last, with the power of the Sigil I can reshape the universe-- and put order to the chaos that has infected it! Now, at long last, the number of genders shall be reduced ... to two!"
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Dec 19, 2018 21:39
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Excerpt from Sorghum Sandwiches "I don't understand," Kim said. "I think you're swell! Why do the other boys pick on you?" She picked a cattail from the marsh and stuck it in her mouth. 'A drat tomboy,' her daddy woulda said if he hadn't died in the mill accident. "I-it's not just the other b-boys," said Steve amid shuddering sobs, "i-it's my dad too. You sh- you should stay away from me." He horked up a huge glob of cry-snot. "But why?" "I c-clop." "Huh?" "I clop!" "I don't unders--" "I clop!" Steve cried with fury and heaved up his shirt. His chest was covered in bruises, pink and purple. But the pinkest and purplest of all were the pony tattoos over his heart. "I clop."
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Dec 19, 2018 21:47
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"This has never happened before; the Sorting system is infallible!" Grand Architect Halmond stared in disbelief at the Sorting Circle. The indicator arrow stubbornly frozen on the exact line between Red and Blue quadrants. I stood as frozen as the arrow, unable to move or even believe what I was seeing. Around me, whispers swirled like swarms of turbo-locusts. My ears were hot, and I felt that familiar feeling of tightness in the pit of my stomach like when I'd tried to ask Wendy A257 to the Juvenile Cotillion. The whispers evolved into murmurs. Nobody knew what was happening. The Sorting never failed. It just didn't! Every person in The Society, upon reaching adulthood at the age of sixteen, underwent the Sorting. Each citizen was sorted into one of four Quadrants: Red, Blue, Yellow, or Green. Your Quadrant determined your Life Path. Everyone had a quadrant. Everyone, that is, except me. "Can he spin again?" asked somebody in the crowd. "One citizen, one spin, that is our law, handed down since ancient times," intoned the Grand Architect somberly. Abigail, my advocate touched me on the shoulder. "I'll cause a distraction. You need to run," she whispered in my ear. "What?" "You're in terrible danger. When I give the signal, run," she whispered again. "Run where?" This was all going sideways. "Find the Differents," she told me. "Seek them out. They're the only ones who can help you." "The Differents? B-but... they don't exist!" I stammered. There were rumors... legends, really, of a secret group of people without a Quadrant who lived on the fringes of society, but nobody actually believed in them! The Sorting system was perfect! "They do exist, and now you're one of them. You may even be the most important Different who ever lived..." said Abigail, her blue eyes flashing. Gulp!
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Dec 19, 2018 23:16
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It was a Thursday, and Dilbert needed to gently caress.
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Dec 19, 2018 23:51
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"Okay so that's four keys, seven puzzle segments, three amulets, the five fragments of the Sacred Seal, both halves of the Amulet of Eternity, all three prongs and the shaft of the Trident of Oceanicus, and all EIGHT Orbs of Power. Is the world safe yet?" asked Jethron. "We're about to find out..." Mentoricus's wizened hands shook with reverence as placed the final Orb into its socket on the Dais of Unity. No sooner had the final orb been placed than they all began to glow, each igniting in a blaze of light. The Dais of Unity trembled and the entire temple shook as if shaken by an earthquake. Jethron, Ashleigh and the rest of the Defenders looked around nervously as dust fell from the ceiling overhead. "Is this... good?" asked Jethron. In front of them, the Dais of Unity split in two, each half sliding to the side to make way for a new, larger dais. Around the circumference of the new dais, inscribed with ancient runes, were six tetrahedral indentations. Everyone groaned.
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Dec 20, 2018 00:16
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Kate's psychic scream echoed in my mind. I looked back, my raptor eyes seeing more in the deepening twilight than any human's could. What I saw almost made my eagle form lose its worms. The Ravagoid's long, scythelike claws protruded from the abdomen of Kate's gorilla body. Even as I wheeled to help her, the seven foot tall space monster flexed its arms and ripped through her torso like snotty tissue. Kate screamed again as her intestines unfurled from the ragged hole like coils of spring-loaded spaghetti. Blood and feces spewed in great, gobbety fountains, drenching the Ravagoid in her fluid and viscera. "Holy crap! This is a kids' book?" exclaimed Marco in disbelief.
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Dec 20, 2018 00:28
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| # ? May 16, 2024 21:21 |
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Bonaventure posted:The Sigil of Pa'nera Lol
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Dec 20, 2018 00:48
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