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lol but seriously I posted:TO BE FAIR god condemns this behaviour and fucks over his grandkids hardstyle David: "Ah, welcome Nathan. What news do you bring from God? Please tell me you're not just here to tell me some dumb cryptic st--" Nathan: "My lord there were two men in a town..." David: "-ory. gently caress. Can we make this quick? I've got a lot of kinging to do today." Nathan: "...one of these men was rich and had a lot of sheep and cattle, the other was poor and had only the one lamb that he loved very much. He went everywhere with it, ate with it, and it even slept with him" David: "What?" Nathan: "In his arms, my King. It was like a daughter to him." David: "Weird metaphor." Nathan: "As it happens, the rich man was having company so he had to kill one of the sheep but instead of sacrificing one of his own sheep he stole the poor man's beloved lamb and killed it instead. What do you think about that?" David: "I'm not totally sure what the cattle represent but rich this guy sounds like a real retard. He goes around acting like a big piece of poo poo and tbh we should probably just kill him." Nathan: "My king, don't sign your posts." David: 
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Jan 10, 2019 17:23
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Otto Von Jizzmark posted:Job a comedy of justice by Heinlein Idk if we should be promoting a sex creep libertarian in this here bible thread.
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Jan 10, 2019 17:35
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christmas boots posted:David: "Ah, welcome Nathan. What news do you bring from God? Please tell me you're not just here to tell me some dumb cryptic st--" 
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Jan 10, 2019 19:18
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christmas boots posted:David: "Ah, welcome Nathan. What news do you bring from God? Please tell me you're not just here to tell me some dumb cryptic st--" 
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Jan 10, 2019 19:21
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christmas boots posted:David: "Ah, welcome Nathan. What news do you bring from God? Please tell me you're not just here to tell me some dumb cryptic st--" a good post
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Jan 10, 2019 19:56
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lol but seriously I posted:a good post Can we have that guy write the bible
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Jan 10, 2019 20:18
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"And he left them, and went out of the city into Bethany; and he lodged there." Think about it.
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Jan 10, 2019 20:28
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psalms combines the high octane thrills of somebody else's love letters and a clip show but "my heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the king; my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer" is a good rap brag also in psalm 22 there's the line "my god, my god, why have you forsaken me?" foreshadowing psalm 30: "or his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime" does not seem to be born out by the preceding text. heavy abusive relationship vibes to this passage. psalm 117 seems very low energy and tossed off
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Jan 12, 2019 13:57
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Lmao David there clutching the balcony and leaning into Bathsheba as hard as he can  Psalms is good. It’s basically like Dunn’s poetry: super sexy poetry that gets to the end and is like “Uh, also God is great.” poisonpill fucked around with this message at 15:47 on Jan 12, 2019 |
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Jan 12, 2019 15:32
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Blazing Ownager posted:Has there ever been much sci-fi that tackles the Christian God from a completely sci-fi angle as a major character? Like someone trying to rebuild their universe or something? Just curious I can see why it'd not get too mainstream. there's one where higher dimensional beings get stuck in our universe because they were fighting and one "tackled" the other "down" into lower dimensionality their continued fight makes it look like god and satan are fuckin around. Not particularly biblical and one being good and one bad is essentially arbitrary. They're both bad in the end I guess. People get miraculous seeming powers due to higher dimensional effects. Welp can't remember the name of it but it's online for free. Check the book barn I guess?
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Jan 12, 2019 16:11
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Blazing Ownager posted:Has there ever been much sci-fi that tackles the Christian God from a completely sci-fi angle as a major character? Like someone trying to rebuild their universe or something? Just curious I can see why it'd not get too mainstream. Waiting for the galactic bus This is what Wikipedia say's: The tale begins with two college-age brothers, Barion and Coyul, members of an advanced alien world. Their race is endowed with the power to manipulate physical matter with their minds, a power which is exploited incessantly by the young adults. An accident strands the brothers on Earth, which at the time has no human race. The brothers hope for rescue, but eventually grow despondent. In their free time, they cause a series of evolutionary changes in the indigenous primates of Earth, which eventually lead to the blossoming of human civilization. The brothers grow fond of their project, which they ardently monitor, intervening when necessary. With all the progress they are able to endow humans with, they are never able to rid them of the dim memory of primal darkness, causing a permanent schism between intellect and emotion, which is termed "spiritual schizophrenia". Humans have an insatiable need to decipher the meaning of life, a thirst which leads to stubborn belief systems and immense amounts of violence.
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Jan 12, 2019 18:13
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There's only one good part of the Bible, Ezekiel 23:20.
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Jan 12, 2019 19:10
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SniperWoreConverse posted:their continued fight makes it look like god and satan are fuckin around. Not particularly biblical and one being good and one bad is essentially arbitrary. They're both bad in the end I guess. People get miraculous seeming powers due to higher dimensional effects. Yeah I mean the names might change but it's typical in pretty much every religion/myth: In one corner a pro free-will, pro-expression, laissez-faire anarchical type. The other, an orderly, conservative, rule-following and vastly stronger version that establishes the societal rules. Interestingly, God is about humanity being the best version of itself. Satan is the cool kid smoking under the stairs that says 'whatever' at the principal when the principal makes them put out their cigarette. God could always just smite Satan but where's the fun in that? Basically the universe is a sitcom with an easy resolution that the writers refuse to entertain since episode 1.
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Jan 12, 2019 20:01
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It's more like Satan is a rebel freedom fighter and God is the ruler of an evil repressive empire. And Jesus is Darth Vader, the chosen one who fell to darkness after he was revived by his father from a gruesome death.
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Jan 12, 2019 20:12
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Moses was Yoda and Harrison Ford is still Han Solo in this metaphor.
Who What Now fucked around with this message at 20:37 on Jan 12, 2019 |
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Jan 12, 2019 20:14
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Which biblical figure is Jar Jar Binks?
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Jan 12, 2019 20:26
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Enod
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Jan 12, 2019 20:36
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Grevling posted:Which biblical figure is Jar Jar Binks? Zedekiah, made a puppet king by a conquering Babylonian king. Zedekiah bumbles around in office and defies the Babylonians with an insane belief the Egyptians would save him. It has a happier ending then Star Wars. According to one old extrabiblical legend Zedekiah was told by a prophet he would be carried away captive to Babylon while another prophet told him he would never see Babylon so he figured he was safe. Then the Babylonians showed up and conquered Babylon and destroyed the city and the temple and then they put out Zedekiah’s eyes as punishment for his treachery and took him to Babylon. Basically a fate worthy of Jar Jar.
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Jan 13, 2019 01:59
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Who What Now posted:There's only one good part of the Bible, Ezekiel 23:20. Is that the donkey dick one?
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Jan 13, 2019 02:06
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Remember to not choose the wrong Mark
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Jan 13, 2019 03:01
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CloFan posted:Is that the donkey dick one? And cum like a horse!
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Jan 13, 2019 04:39
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Hey, don’t forget the Song of Songs. Or Song of Solomon, whatever title you prefer. Erotic fanfic about a hero king that could easily be transplanted to deviantart in praise of Goku or Cloud.
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Jan 13, 2019 04:59
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Xenocides posted:Hey, don’t forget the Song of Songs. Or Song of Solomon, whatever title you prefer. I usually call it the Windmill song, but that's not what it's really called E: actually reading posts is overrated
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Jan 13, 2019 05:06
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RossMan4Life posted:I usually call it the Windmill song, but that's not what it's really called no that's the song from Ocarina of Time
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Jan 13, 2019 05:24
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https://twitter.com/6thgrade4ever/status/1082688913490280448
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Jan 13, 2019 06:00
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Jan 13, 2019 09:10
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jokes posted:Yeah I mean the names might change but it's typical in pretty much every religion/myth: In one corner a pro free-will, pro-expression, laissez-faire anarchical type. The other, an orderly, conservative, rule-following and vastly stronger version that establishes the societal rules. Interestingly, God is about humanity being the best version of itself. Satan is the cool kid smoking under the stairs that says 'whatever' at the principal when the principal makes them put out their cigarette. In the book I'm thinking of they're both straight up scum who abuse people for any tiny leverage and it's a handful of humans who end up eeking out a sliver of good on the side Also the afterlife gets turned off and on a couple time and a chick becomes immortal and perfectly unable to be harmed but spends a thousand years buried in dirt and goes nuts
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Jan 13, 2019 10:06
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Xenocides posted:Zedekiah, made a puppet king by a conquering Babylonian king. Zedekiah bumbles around in office and defies the Babylonians with an insane belief the Egyptians would save him. It has a happier ending then Star Wars. According to one old extrabiblical legend Zedekiah was told by a prophet he would be carried away captive to Babylon while another prophet told him he would never see Babylon so he figured he was safe. Then the Babylonians showed up and conquered Babylon and destroyed the city and the temple and then they put out Zedekiah’s eyes as punishment for his treachery and took him to Babylon. Man, ancient myths are so full of ironic fates and prophecies that come true in other ways than people expect.
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Jan 13, 2019 10:41
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I did an A/T on the Bible a few years ago that was pretty much the tits. Highly recommend you check it out: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3556458
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Jan 13, 2019 11:38
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The Bible posted:Lol. A suicide attack collapsing a building and killing 3000 people, sanctioned by God. Uhh yeah? No poo poo??
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Jan 14, 2019 02:16
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dee eight posted:There's a really cool story in Acts of the Apostles about some guys trying to cast out a demon by pretending they were in Jesus' and Paul's social circle. The demon called bullshit on them, kicked their asses, hijacked their laundry, and tossed them out the door bleeding and naked. Interestingly there’s another story with the opposite outcome: Mark 9:38-41 King James Version (KJV) 38 And John answered him, saying, Master, we saw one casting out devils in thy name, and he followeth not us: and we forbad him, because he followeth not us. 39 But Jesus said, Forbid him not: for there is no man which shall do a miracle in my name, that can lightly speak evil of me. 40 For he that is not against us is on our part. 41 For whosoever shall give you a cup of water to drink in my name, because ye belong to Christ, verily I say unto you, he shall not lose his reward.
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Jan 14, 2019 06:54
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Blurred posted:I did an A/T on the Bible a few years ago that was pretty much the tits. Highly recommend you check it out: Pro-click
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Jan 14, 2019 07:38
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I was trying to tell the noahs ark story to my 5 year old and she asks why god kills everyone. There bad i guess? What an awful story for children.
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Jan 15, 2019 07:34
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it's a good story for children because it teaches them not to be bad lest God kill them Millennials don't have a fear of God instilled in them. That's why they're lazy and always staring at their cell phones. e: yeah the Bible makes it p. clear why God decided to kill everyone And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. And it repented the Lord that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart. And the Lord said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them. this is why I read the Bible verbatim when I try to teach its lessons to my wife's son, rather than trying to remember it from memory snack eater fucked around with this message at 07:38 on Jan 15, 2019 |
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Jan 15, 2019 07:36
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I wonder what the temporal basis is for the Watchmaker theory, or deism. I personally feel immediately after the Ark was the right moment for Him to be like "alright let's see what happens". The rest is probably just false attribution and a really, really, really long game of Telephone. jokes fucked around with this message at 08:21 on Jan 15, 2019 |
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Jan 15, 2019 08:04
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snack eater posted:it's a good story for children because it teaches them to be bad lest God kill them
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Jan 15, 2019 08:06
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One thing that I was reminded of today is an element of the Christ story that sort of indirectly fixes one of the problems with the Job story. So you’ve got the big climax of Job where he calls God out on his poo poo and basically the conversation boils down to God telling Job that his finite mortal brain can’t possibly understand what it’s like to be God, while Job effectively tells God that he doesn’t understand the perspective of the mortal. The book never really solves that gulf. God restores Job’s health and wealth and gives him a new family, while also making GBS threads on Job’s dumbass friends. So while it’s never addressed and arguably not an intentional nod, I still think it’s a neat synergy that the Christ story centers around God being the one to cross that divide by incarnating as Man.
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Jan 18, 2019 03:33
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Blurred posted:I did an A/T on the Bible a few years ago that was pretty much the tits. Highly recommend you check it out: goddam i know this link is going to be good but it is so many words. i'm not scared of a long read generally but this clashes with my forums technique so if someone could summarize that thread in this thread i would appreciate
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Jan 18, 2019 03:58
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I like the second half where the guy said we all have problems, but we can figure it out together.
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Jan 18, 2019 04:29
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christmas boots posted:One thing that I was reminded of today is an element of the Christ story that sort of indirectly fixes one of the problems with the Job story. Of course, Jesus being God incarnate is pretty much only in John. The earliest Gospel, Mark, and the others never reference Jesus as divine. On and off, such a view was considered heresy, until the Council of Nicea finally ruled that Jesus was literally an incarnation of God as Man, and that was far more in the interest of politics than of accuracy.
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Jan 18, 2019 05:38
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