|
Twenty teams are suckass trash so their poor fans need to find some rooting interest for the playoffs. Who you pick tells the world a lot about you, so consider and choose: * If you love dominant Wide receiver play carrying a team, then this is your team. * DeAndre Hopkins is good for a loving ridiculous catch a game right now, which is good because their #2 is uh Keke Coutee? Man, injuries are loving this team. * A smothering run defense that can punish Quarterbacks that has to because their secondary is an injured mess Root for the Texans if you crave for the NFL to get back to football and focus more on JJ Watt kneeling in children's cancer wards instead of on the sidelines. * If you hold a grudge about the forward pass and think about Exotic smashmouth football a lot. * Incredibly stifling defense, ball control offense and games that end in 2 and a half hours and a combined 15 offensive possessions. * Watching a phenomenally athletically gifted quarterback before his body is ruined. Root for the Ravens if you miss 1980's defensive football and Navy's offense. * If you love dominant road teams, a stacked roster on both sides of the ball and jokes about the no condom lifestyle. * Seriously, they've got Rivers / Gordon / Allen on offense and Bosa / Derwin / Ingram on defense, and they're getting their star TE back. This roster owns. * If they win their parade may draw less then the Browns 0-16 one. The Chargers are for you if you believe the hardest trial to overcome is yourself * If you love the idea of the quarterback carrying a team and incredible hot streaks. The Colts have been on fire since their 1-5 start. * A complete smoke and mirrors roster that's Luck, a good oline, TY Hilton, and a couple of solid defensive pieces and 30 guys that you'd think they found from an arena league team. Seriously, who the gently caress are Nyheim Hines, Chester Rogers, Ryan Grant and Dontrell Inman? If you said every receiving option on the Colts after TY and Eric loving Ebron you'd be a loving cheater who was looking at PFR like I am right now. * Frank Reich is gonna get the mastermind title if he wins a playoff game. Like how the hell is this happening? If Quarterbacks are the best and it is in fact not a team effort, then here you go. * If you liked every other good Bears team of the last 40 years. * Hey guess what, they've got a great defense and a QB that kinda sucks, never seen that before. * Seriosuly a team gave them Khalil Mack at the start of this season. Why'd they do that? DAAAAAAA Bears * Well somebody had to win the NFC East * The offense is kinda lowkey bad since the oline isn't the world stomping juggernaut it used to be due to injuries, but the defense is pretty dang good. * There is no good reason to root for the Cowboys I guess you probably have a Cowboys starter jacket from when you were 9 in the closet. * A QB that's like one of those boston dynamic robots, incredibly weirdly gifted in motion, and a completely inhuman robot when not. * Saying Legion of Whom???? a whole lot while ignoring that they have one of the worst defenses in the playoffs and are relying on an offense that runs the ball until you fall asleep then Wilson throws a 50 yard pass to Tyler Lockett. * Remember Earl Thomas? he was cool. If you still find conspiracy theorists and alt-right grifters funny instead of horrifying. * A dominant pass rush and a QB that lowkey sucks but everyone presumes has a great playoff run in him. * A pretty funny team because everyone thought they were the worst trash ever after losing to the Saints by 40, but every other one of their losses was a 1 score game and two were in OT. * Not that they're good, they're just average at like everything, and have a crippled secondary. If you miss rooting for the Eli Manning Giants. ====================================================================== Kansas City Chiefs: * One of the all time rowdy great QB seasons, a supremely dominant offense loaded with world beaters (minus wife beaters) and a defense that means they can lose when they score 50. * Nobody ever sits on the bench because you're always about three plays from going back on the field. * Andy Reid's magnum opus. If you like points, bombs, missed tackles turning into 50 yard gains and playoff disappointment. New England Patriots * The crushing omnipresence of eventuality. * Uh well, Brady is still good albeit not as great as he used to be. The weapons are slow, injured and old, the running game is solid, and the pass defense is okay, but the front seven is also slow and mismatched. * Because it keeps happening, they set themselves up to stumble into a divisional home game and we all know how this story plays out. Evil will win because good is dumb. New Orleans Saints * An all time great QB who keeps ending up 2nd best. Manning/Brady/Rodgers/Mahomes. Doesn't matter who, there's always someone better. * Except he has a solid defense this year, which they need because despite having everything you want in an offense, it's been middling since like Thanksgiving. Rooting for the Vegeta of quarterbacks. LA Rams * The 2018 dream team never lived up to the hype, especially on defense, but still has stars up and down the roster. * The good news: Scored 28+ in all but 3 of their games. The bad news: two of the other games were against the Bears and Eagles. * How is a Wade Philips defense with Aaron Donald, Ndamukong Suh, Aqib Talib, Marcus Peters and a bunch of other names this mediocre? If you like watching opponents always have the wrong defensive alignment and seeing Aaron Donald triple teamed. Kalli fucked around with this message at 01:47 on Jan 14, 2019 |
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 20:29
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 6, 2024 00:40 |
|
|
i'm going to root for whatever poster fanbase pisses me off the most between today and this weekend my cursed fandom will be a plague on your team's playoff run
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 20:30
|
|
|
But you can't root for the Jets.
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 20:33
|
|
|
They're still the San Diego Chargers to me too, Kalli
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 20:36
|
|
|
Root for the Colts because the power of friendship is carrying this roster. If you don't root for them, you should be rooting for KC vs Saints/Bears/Rams. Anything else and you are a bad football fan
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 21:21
|
|
|
Shadow225 posted:Root for the Colts because the power of friendship is carrying this roster. Nope
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 21:23
|
|
|
The best storylines would be the Colts or the Eagles winning it. The funniest storylines will be if the Bears drag Trubisky over the finish line or if the Chargers win and LA still doesn't turn out for them. The darkest storylines would be the Cowboys or Patriots winning. Root actively against these.
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 21:27
|
|
|
ELO Musk posted:The best storylines would be the Colts or the Eagles winning it. What if it's Pats v Cowboys. 
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 21:28
|
|
|
Playoff rooting guide: not the Patriots
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 21:29
|
|
|
Jiminy Christmas! Shoes! posted:What if it's Pats v Cowboys. God would be dead in this scenario so the game wouldn’t be played.
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 21:32
|
|
|
Years since Playoff Win: 14 - Los Angeles Rams (2004 NFC Wild Card) 8 - Chicago Bears (2010 NFC Divisional) 5 - City Name Chargers (2013 AFC Wild Card) 4 - Baltimore Ravens (2014 AFC Wild Card) 4 - Dallas Cowboys (2014 NFC Wild Card) 4 - Indianapolis Colts (2014 AFC Divisional) 3 - Kansas City Chiefs (2015 AFC Wild Card) 2 - Houston Texans (2016 AFC Wild Card) 2 - Seattle Seahawks (2016 NFC Wild Card) 1 - New Orleans Saints (2017 NFC Wild Card) 1 - New England Patriots (2017 AFC Championship) 1 - Philadelphia Eagles (Super Bowl LII) Super Bowl win droughts (Last Appearance): Never (53 Seasons) Los Angeles Chargers (Super Bowl XXIX 1994) Never (17 Seasons) Houston Texans (Never) 49 Seasons - Kansas City Chiefs (Super Bowl IV 1969) 33 Seasons - Chicago Bears (Super Bowl XLI 2006) 23 Seasons - Dallas Cowboys (Super Bowl XXX 1995) 19 Seasons - Los Angeles Rams (Super Bowl XXXVI 2001) 12 Seasons - Indianapolis Colts (Super Bowl XLIV 2009) 9 Seasons - New Orleans Saints (Super Bowl XLIV 2009) 6 Seasons - Baltimore Ravens (Super Bowl XLVII 2012) 5 Seasons - Seattle Seahawks (Super Bowl XLIX 2014) 2 Seasons - New England Patriots (Super Bowl LII 2017) 1 Season - Philadelphia Eagles (Super Bowl LII 2017) Athanatos fucked around with this message at 21:37 on Jan 3, 2019 |
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 21:35
|
|
|
Athanatos posted:Years since Playoff Win: Look if every team in the league had a recent Super Bowl appearance it just wouldn't be as special. We need New England to keep winning so those Lombardis aren't like participation trophies at a 3rd grade Peewee game. Impossibly Perfect Sphere fucked around with this message at 21:57 on Jan 3, 2019 |
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 21:37
|
|
|
Athanatos posted:Years since Playoff Win: 
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 21:38
|
|
|
14 years for a Rams playoff win. Feels like the Greatest Show on Turf was 3 seasons ago.
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 21:39
|
|
|
Athanatos posted:14 years for a Rams playoff win. Feels like the Greatest Show on Turf was 3 seasons ago. Not to me
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 21:56
|
|
|
Athanatos posted:14 years for a Rams playoff win. Feels like the Greatest Show on Turf was 3 seasons ago. Yeah, I never would've guessed the Rams had the longest playoff drought. It's just hard to fathom how long Martz and Fisher were mucking that whole thing up. Also i wrote that entire thing because I wanted to call Brees the Vegeta of HoF Quarterbacking.
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 22:17
|
|
|
Kalli posted:Also i wrote that entire thing because I wanted to call Brees the Vegeta of HoF Quarterbacking. An excellent reason imo
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 22:20
|
|
|
Root for the Titans, IMO.
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 22:29
|
|
|
My dad grew up kinda near Chicago, and by osmosis I was a Bears fan as a kid until the Panthers arrived. Trubisky likes titties.  Trubs, Daaaaa Bears!
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 22:32
|
|
|
DVOA ranking: 1. Chiefs (33%) 2. Rams (23.7%) 3. Chargers (22.7%) 4. Saints (20.7%) 5. Bears (19.0%) 6. Ravens (17.0%) 7. Patriots (14.2%) 8. Colts (12.6%) 11. Texans (7.1%) 12. Seahawks (6.7%) 15. Eagles (0%) 21. Cowboys (-5.2%) Offensive Ranking: 1. Chiefs 2. Rams 3. Chargers 4. Saints 5. Patriots 9. Seahawks 10. Colts 15. Ravens 16. Eagles 20. Bears 21. Texans 24. Cowboys Defensive Ranking: 1. Bears 3. Ravens 7. Texans 8. Chargers 9. Cowboys 10. Colts 11. Saints 14. Seahawks 15. Eagles 16. Patriots 19. Rams 26. Chiefs ST Rank: 2. Chiefs 5. Texans 6. Ravens 9. Saints 12. Colts 15. Eagles 16. Patriots 17. Rams 23. Cowboys 24. Seahawks 25. Chargers 26. Bears
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 22:38
|
|
|
Can you rank them by age of roster? This feels like one of the older Patriot teams in some time.
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 22:38
|
|
|
Jiminy Christmas! Shoes! posted:Can you rank them by age of roster? That's tough because average age is very noisy due to almost every roster being over half sub 25 year olds that play ST or like 50 snaps a season so you'd probably want to cut it down to like only counting starters or significant contributors or something. Butttt, going into the season here's the average age of the rosters: 3. Cowboys (25.4) 4. Rams (25.4) 7. Texans (25.6) 8. Colts (25.6) 9. Seahawks (25.7) 11. Eagles (25.7) 12. Bears (25.7) 13. Chiefs (25.8) 14. Chargers (25.8) 18. Ravens (26) 24. Saints (26.3) 30. Patriots (26.8)
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 22:44
|
|
|
Root for the Chargers or Colts. Either team winning prevents the scenario wherein the Ravens play the Patriots, Belichick says 'hold my beer', and neither team attempts a forward pass.
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 22:45
|
|
|
Rooting for whichever AFC South team gets the privilege of losing in the divisional round. e: I like most of the playoff teams so I'm good with most of them winning, and the ones I don't like kinda suck anyway.
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 22:54
|
|
|
If it wasn’t for Brian Hoyer and Knile Davis that Chiefs playoff win drought would be almost 25 years old
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 22:58
|
|
|
Root for Philip Rivers
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 23:05
|
|
|
Kalli posted:That's tough because average age is very noisy due to almost every roster being over half sub 25 year olds that play ST or like 50 snaps a season so you'd probably want to cut it down to like only counting starters or significant contributors or something. Lol that even in age the Eagles are middle of the pack God drat it.
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 23:20
|
|
|
Athanatos posted:Years since Playoff Win: Holy poo poo, the Texans have been around for 17 seasons? So the next group of rookies will basically not remember a world before they existed.
|
|
#
?
Jan 3, 2019 23:26
|
|
|
Please root for Texas' sweet, special, team, The Texans while they last. After that you can root for The Saints who have actual good odds of doing things.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 00:17
|
|
|
I feel like rankings for winning it all goes as such: 1. Everyone but the Cowboys, Patriots, Seahawks 2. Super Bowl Canceled due to bees 3. The Bees form a team and win 4. Cowboys or Seahawks 5. Patriots Kalli posted:That's tough because average age is very noisy due to almost every roster being over half sub 25 year olds that play ST or like 50 snaps a season so you'd probably want to cut it down to like only counting starters or significant contributors or something. Without Vinatieri the Colts are the youngest team in the playoffs. 2nd youngest in the NFL without him.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 00:23
|
|
|
It’s pretty irritating how fast the Colts went from a dead armed retiree, no OL or defense to one of the most talented and balanced teams out there
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 00:25
|
|
|
Athanatos posted:
I wonder how young the Chargers are if you except Gates and Rivers
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 00:27
|
|
|
Kalli posted:Yeah, I never would've guessed the Rams had the longest playoff drought. It's just hard to fathom how long Martz and Fisher were mucking that whole thing up. Martz coached during a pretty bad time in the Rams front office and probably would have done a lot better if every executive wasn't trying to backstab each other for power. The lowest point of the last 17 years has definitely been Steve Spagnuolo though.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 00:31
|
|
|
I think the raw version of a team's actual age would probably be just going to each team's starter's page like here: https://www.pro-football-reference.com/teams/nwe/2018_roster.htm Then just using the Age column or scraping all their birthdays or whatever (and throw out the K/P because who cares how old they are). For fun, here's the Patriots ages doing this vs the Colts: 41, 32, 31, 31, 31, 30, 29, 28, 28, 28, 27, 27, 26, 26, 25, 25, 25, 24, 24, 23 31, 31, 30, 29, 29, 29, 28, 28, 28, 26, 26, 25, 24, 23, 23, 23, 22, 22, 22, 22 Or basically the average Pats starter has been an NFL player for ~1.5 years longer then a Colt
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 00:44
|
|
|
If you don't love kissing tittys then the Bears aren't for you. Go root for the Chargers, Rivers apparently thinks you can only make love to a vagina.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 02:27
|
|
|
Actual Rooting Rankings Go Like This: 1) Chiefs 2) Chargers 3) Eagles 4) Seahawks 5) Rams 6) Bears 7) Texans 8) Colts 9) Saints 10) Patriots 11) Ravens 12) Cowboys With only the bolded teams being the ones I would actually be happy won. It's going to be the Patriots who win, by the way.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 04:55
|
|
|
Cowboys and Chiefs are the only ones I will actively root for. I will actively root against Eagles, Chargers, Texans and Pats.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 05:10
|
|
|
My order: 1. Kansas City 2. Chicago 3. Indianapolis 4. Dallas 5. Houston 6. LA Rams 7. New Orleans 8. Baltimore 9. Philadelphia 10. LA Chargers 11. Seattle 12. New England
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 06:20
|
|
|
The Eagles winning again would be incredible just to see what happens with Foles and Wentz.
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 06:25
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 6, 2024 00:40 |
|
|
https://twitter.com/dhm/status/1081043211412492289
|
|
#
?
Jan 4, 2019 06:28
|
|